And Now For Some Apocalyptic Bird Pattern Recognition

Tyler Durden's picture

Yup. Gozer must be coming, cause the Stay Puft marshmAllow man recently quit the Obama administration.

From Edit Zimmerman at The Hairpin

Decoding the Bird-Death Maps

Here's a visual representation of all the places birds have died en masse
in the past couple days. We're basically living the opening montage of a
movie about the apocalypse at this point. But what does it all mean?
Well, if you zoom in and draw lines from each of the little e-pegs, you
can see the birds are trying to tell us something.

Asia and Australia should expect a giant bat, or some kind of flying devil.

Europe can look forward to a sideways ghost.

And at home we can be on the lookout for a witch with a knife.


h/t Lizzie O'Leary

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FOC 1183's picture

freaking awesome

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I don't believe anything hand drawn unless Banzai7 clears it first. :>) 

Max Hunter's picture

I don't know how some one beat him to this.. but.. that was F'n hilarious...

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Banzai7 Labs is strictly a PhotoShop shop. So this is beneath him.

WB7, time to upgrade to a light pen for your iPad. :>)  

Fish Gone Bad's picture

When I looked at the death maps earlier I had given some thought to drawing giant phalic symbols on the map with "We are fucked" on it.  This representation is probably a bit more family friendly, but still somewhat quite disturbing yet.

mrgneiss's picture

Some coffee just came out of my nose...............

gmrpeabody's picture

I don't understand how you can possibly get those results from connecting those few dots. Am I missing something ;-)

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

When I'm acid flash backing I see these things all the time.

New_Meat's picture

Yep, I ony got 29 mappins, so not significant.

Just move along... ;-)

- Ned

MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

The dots come pre-connected now -- you don't have to DO ANYTHING!

This is the latest molded-plastic-miracle to come from our trading partners in China:  Pre-connected-dots.  Wish I had thought of it first.

KnightsofNee's picture

I just threw up in my mouth. I need to chew my food better.

KnightsofNee's picture

Better yet, I just gaged and swallowed that big ol dip of Kodiak Wintergreen, then accidently drank the full contents of my spit cup trying the wash it down.

goldsaver's picture

Oh yuck!!!. Did that with a cigar ash bottle once. I put my cigar ashes in a semi empty come bottle (fire danger in the desert). I was driving in the dark and accidentally grabbed mt cigar bottle vs. the coke bottle. Lesson learned. Fuck forest fires, not putting my ashes in a bottle again.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I am communicating with him via email. The magnificent maniac is mulling his next move....though bed time is beckoning. Stay tuned folks. Banzai7 will not be upstaged on his own turf. :>)

Armchair Bear's picture

I guess he didn't need my alert then!!  I'll keep this window open to see what comes up later...

williambanzai7's picture

If you must know, I am busy reviewing a document of critical importance to the financial stability of the United States and Tim Geithners future.

mrgneiss's picture

..........some Madame's client list?

TheProphet's picture

Ahhh... reading Penthouse Letters again, I see.

LFMayor's picture

Don't you mean "Friends and Neighbors"?  Let's try to keep it classy here, people :)

kaiserhoff's picture

There is no one I would trust more with Timmy's demise..., er future.  My all the gods speed your efforts;)

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Nothing to see here. Move along.

(CNN) -- Authorities in Maryland are investigating the deaths of about 2 million fish in Chesapeake Bay.

"Natural causes appear to be the reason," the Maryland Department of the Environment said in a news release. "Cold water stress exacerbated by a large population of the affected species (juvenile spot fish) appears to be the cause of the kill."


The investigation comes days after the deaths of an estimated 100,000 fish in northwest Arkansas. Authorities suspect disease was to blame there, a state spokesman said.


In Maryland, preliminary tests showed water quality to be acceptable, officials said.


"The affected fish are almost exclusively juvenile spot fish, 3 to 6 inches in length," the Maryland department said. A recent survey "showed a very strong population of spot in the bay this year. An increased juvenile population and limited deep water habitat would likely compound the effects of cold water stress."


Large winter kills of spot fish have occurred at least twice before in the state, in 1976 and 1980, the department said.

Uncle Remus's picture

preliminary tests showed water quality to be acceptable

"Acceptable" - that's a laugh. Maybe for humans to consume, but given the plethora of chemicals, GM food products and who knows what else humans have ingested, inhaled or otherwise been exposed to over the decades, that is a pretty low bar for other animals.

puckles's picture

Maryland "potable" tap water contains the highest concentration of fluoride in the country...And the fluoride added to the system is not typically even food grade material, but rather effluent from other processes.

This is something I monitor heavily, as I originated in New Jersey, in the chemical industry, no less (no flying objects needed--we made food grade stuff, essentially vitamins mandated by Congress, for enrichment of rice and other shelf items) and have lived in MD now for ten years.  NJ, whatever its other issues, never added fluoride to the water, because its governance system was essentially (at least in the northern half, and NJ is still divided by the Carteret/Berkley lines drawn up in the Colonial era) a New England type of strong municipal government, and virtually nobody in those communities wanted it.  We had enough pollution already.  We also had Crest, for Crissake!

Maryland has the typical southern type of government, which is county based, with no local oversight.  This allows for despotism on a wide level, especially when large metro areas are captured by entrenched machines.  Baltimore is the largest metro area in that chronic condition, and basically, whoever controls Baltimore, controls MD.

DosZap's picture

Is Don Corleone trying to tell us something?.

We are Lucio Brazzi?

bankonzhongguo's picture

I think we are all waiting for Avian Flu warnings and mass killings at the Tyson chicken factories. 

Will you need an once of silver to find/buy a chicken?

Food production has never been higher.

Disgusting using food as weapon.


caconhma's picture

Russian GRU is confident that the Bush adviser was killed because of the mass mortality of blackbirds In Arkansas

Main Intelligence Directorate (GRU) of Russia has prepared a report to the Russian government revealing the John Wheeler (a former advisor to the U.S. administration) death mystery, 


His body was found Dec. 31, 2010 in the city dump in Wilmington, Delaware.


GRU believes that the former high-ranking official was murdered by U.S. intelligence services because Wheeler was going to tell to the public about the causes of mass death of birds in Arkansas.


In a shocking report of Russian intelligence, which refers to the newspaper The European Union Times, claimed that the deaths of hundreds of thousands of blackbirds was the results of testing and transportation of chemical weapons by US military.


The cause of death among birds was results of birds suffocation by phosgene. This gas was used in the First World War, but now its use is prohibited everywhere. However, after the military campaign in Iraq, a large amount of phosgene, a total weight of 63,000 tonnes, became available to the U.S. military.


An army command was appeared tempted by a prospect of maintaining this dangerous weapon, which is no longer available to other countries. However, in the summer of 2010,  a scandal between Moscow and Washington was flared up. Russia accused the U.S. of concealing chemical weapons removed from Iraq in 2003 - 2008. These trophies were stored in  Pine Bluff city, which is also called the "Arsenal of America" because of it is the largest storage of chemical weapons.


The report of the Russian intelligence also alleged that some of this phosgene was sent to Afghanistan to be used in remote mountain areas in the protracted war with the Taliban. This  decision by the US military led to an environmental disaster during a transportation procedure, according to Russian special services.


Last week, a military transport tanker Boeing KC-767 with a cargo of phosgene on board left for Afghanistan. The plane got up from the airport in Little Rock, but soon after takeoff,  a malfunction of the plane computer system led to spraying toxic substances  directly into the atmosphere. This, according to officers of the GRU, and led to the birds death.


The first reports of mass deaths of birds arrived half an hour before the New Year. And the people of Arkansas have reported that thrushes fall in only one district, an area which does not exceed two square kilometers. Outside this area - the situation is normal.


The official statement from the State environmental authorities emphasized that among the dead were only blackbirds.


Originally, they put forward the most incredible version of bird deaths. One of the local bird watchers allegedly found in dead birds damage characteristic of falling under the lightning or hail. Some experts attributed the birds death to noise from the explosions of firecrackers and fireworks which could cause stress to the birds. But, at first, a version of the possible birds poisoning was strongly rejected.


According to the U.S. official report, on December 31 in Arkansas killed 4,000 birds thrushes. Dead birds were quickly removed the Environmental Services staff, who worked in special suits and masks.


The Russian intelligence report also said that just a day before a similar failure of computer systems has occurred at another military transport. The result was the death of 100,000 fish in the Arkansas river.


These facts became known to 66-year old John Wheeler, which has threatened military and the U.S. administration to tell the public truth about the causes of ecological disaster in Arkansas.


Recall, the corpse of John Wheeler was found Dec. 31 in the city dump in Wilmington Delaware. Newark police came to the conclusion that he was killed. According to the preliminary data, the body was brought by a dump trucks which was loaded in Newark.


According to Russian intelligence, John Wheeler has guessed the real reasons for the mass birds and fish deaths in Arkansas, because he was a military expert in the field of chemical and biological weapons of mass destruction. Vietnam War veteran went immediately to Washington and announced his intention to disclose classified information, which would put the Pentagon and the White House at risk of harsh criticism.


Immediately after,  John Wheeler was mysterious murdered, accordingly to the Russian intelligence report. Everything happened so fast, that people close to the ex-adviser did not even announce his disappearance.  

eaglefalcon's picture


"The cause of death among birds was results of birds suffocation by phosgene. This gas was used in the First World War, but now its use is prohibited everywhere. However, after the military campaign in Iraq, a large amount of phosgene, a total weight of 63,000 tonnes, became available to the U.S. military.


An army command was appeared tempted by a prospect of maintaining this dangerous weapon, which is no longer available to other countries. However, in the summer of 2010,  a scandal between Moscow and Washington was flared up. Russia accused the U.S. of concealing chemical weapons removed from Iraq in 2003 - 2008. These trophies were stored in  Pine Bluff city, which is also called the "Arsenal of America" because of it is the largest storage of chemical weapons."


Dumbest thing you can ever heard from a "Russian Intelligence Agency".  Phosgene (carbonyl dichloride) is a reagent used in a variety of organic chemical synthesis.  This reagent is widely available and dirt cheap.  World annual production amounts to millions of tons.  63,000 tons of phosgene is like nothing.  Any major chemical company like Sigma-Aldrich or Bayer makes much more than that annually.  To transport phosgene from Iraq and storage it in a depot in Arkansas doesn't make any economic sense (whether it's used for fertilizer production or for weapon).


Furthermore, if the story is true, why didn't Bush and Rumsfeld declare "we've found WMD in Iraq, 63,000 tons of phosgene"?


chopper read's picture


Jack Wheeler was murdered.  

consider this (bogus?) article just 'surfacing' on Drudge Report:

In my opinion, this is the BIGGEST piece of C.I.A. PLANTED propaganda I have read in some time, right down to the first generic comments underneath.

now, consider this article: 

‎"A shocking report prepared for Prime Minister Putin by the Foreign Military Intelligence Directorate (GRU) states that one of the United States top experts in biological and chemical weapons was brutally murdered after he threatened to expose a US Military test of poison gas that killed hundreds of thousands of animals in Arkansas this past week."

i agree that it is important to be a skeptic when reading anything. so what are the motives?

First, read both articles with the belief that they are total bullshit and each writer is completely full of shit with an agenda, and then ask yourself, again, which one is more believable. Ask yourself if they could be written in a certain way to serve a motive. for example, conspiracy websites will write in a conspiratorial way. propaganda postings will write in a "he was a crazy 'one-off' who simply forgot to take his 'meds' that day and now he is dead; forget about it and go back to work to pay your taxes."


Right now, in my mind, THIS MAN WAS CLEARLY MURDERED. 

AS TO THE FACTS OF THE CASE: I admit, they are debatable, but it is my understanding that 63,000 metric tons of Phosgene (carbonyl dichloride) is not that much, as was stated: it is a reagent used in a variety of organic chemical synthesis. However, although this reagent is 'widely available and dirt cheap', IT STILL MUST BE LEGALLY ACCOUNTED FOR IN ITS STOCKPILES because it is also tear gas.

"Because of safety issues, phosgene is almost always produced and consumed within the same plant and extraordinary measures are made to contain this toxic gas. It is listed on schedule 3 of the Chemical Weapons Convention: All production sites manufacturing more than 30 tonnes per year must be declared to the OPCW.[4] Although less dangerous than many other chemical weapons, such as sarin, phosgene is still regarded as a viable chemical warfare agent because it is so easy to manufacture when compared to the production requirements of more technically advanced chemical weapons such as the first-generation nerve agent tabun."

So, although world annual production amounts to millions of tons, and therefore 63,000 tons of phosgene is not a lot, BUT any major chemical company like Sigma-Aldrich or Bayer MUST ACCOUNT FOR ALL OF IT in its entirety, as it is strictly controlled for the obvious reasons. In this case, this is enough tear gas to do major damage during warfare in Afghanistan, for example, but still not enough to justify invading Iraq. 

"'This does not reflect a capacity that was built up after 1991,' the official said, adding the munitions 'are not the WMDs this country and the rest of the world believed Iraq had, and not the WMDs for which this country went to war.'",2933,200499,00.html#ixzz1APYO6oBF

Stuart's picture

just don't cross the streams!

tmosley's picture

There is no Bernanke, the is only ZUUL.

Wynn's picture

hey they're reading the entire constitution in CONgress right now

must be pretty uncomfortable for them

Max Hunter's picture

What i'd like to know is:

a. How many are there?

b. How many are sleeping?

c. How many are texting TPTB with a frantic request for a power outage.

downrodeo's picture

This must be like reading the origin of species at easter mass.

Armchair Bear's picture

Good analogy - I love analogies


Anal - ogy


Butt is to Butter as Crack is to Cracker...


Want some buttered crackers?

SilverRhino's picture

Or reading the Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie in a mosque ... in Mecca.

jus_lite_reading's picture

I think a power outage is imminent due to "sub freezing temps" LMAO

Uncle Remus's picture

Cold day in Hell. You're talking about a cold day in Hell.

Barrack Chavez's picture

Wasn't the witch with the knife recently removed as speaker of the House?

DonnieD's picture

Perhaps she blames President Kirchner for her downfall?

John Law Lives's picture

Good one! Too bad she didn't use the knife to cut spending.

Hephasteus's picture

Rham wasn't there to satisfy her sex with creepy dangerous guys fetish. So the bitch had to go. She was getting grumpy.

The whole walking down the halls and telling people to take thier pants off and threaten to stab me and beat me thing was bad for synergy.