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And For Today's Dose Of The Surreal: Mubarak Suffers Heart Attack During Questioning

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Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:00 | 1162559 apberusdisvet
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Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:51 | 1162755 samsara
samsara's picture

Congressional Hearing


The dart from this secret CIA weapon can penetrate clothing and leave nothing but a tiny red dot on the skin. On penetration of the deadly dart, the individual targeted for assassination may feel as if bitten by a mosquito, or they may not feel anything at all. The poisonous dart completely disintegrates upon entering the target.

The lethal poison then rapidly enters the bloodstream causing a heart attack. Once the damage is done, the poison denatures quickly, so that an autopsy is very unlikely to detect that the heart attack resulted from anything other than natural causes.

Source: http://www.examiner.com/x-6495-US-Intelligence-Examiner~y2009m11d29-CIA-secret-weapon-of-assassination

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:54 | 1162990 destiny
destiny's picture

YYep, evil fucks everywhere : 

Gorbachev | Illuminati Conspiracy Archive Blog

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 17:24 | 1163082 Trundle
Trundle's picture

Who do you think got Matt Simmons?

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 18:39 | 1163249 adamparis
adamparis's picture

damn, give him son Viagra quickly.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:01 | 1162564 LRC Fan
LRC Fan's picture


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:28 | 1162675 Rahm
Rahm's picture

Mega Bullish, because he recovered from his coma:


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:02 | 1162569 Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

"This is the big one, Elizabeth. I'm coming to be with you".

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:02 | 1162575 Bubbles...bubbl...
Bubbles...bubbles everywhere's picture

You beat me by a second.



Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:09 | 1162599 long juan silver
long juan silver's picture

Wha chu talkin bout Willis??

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:33 | 1162690 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

Bubbles, Hedge, you both need professional help  :)  that's the first damn thing I thought of, too!

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:55 | 1162783 BlackholeDivestment
BlackholeDivestment's picture

King Chairsatan, Mubarak & Sons, wheezin the junk, like a Milken Heart Attack on Casino Night at the Pyramid next to D Nile, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UupyFSJeQI trying to escape their loss. Got a feeling Mubarak and the Mo Mo's are gonna walk like ...wait for it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nuhja7y4TM


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 20:07 | 1163494 knukles
knukles's picture

I want dibs on his testicles.  Just think about it.  What somebody, sometime down the road might pay for that/them little oddities.  Probably better than PM's.  New market in HosniNuts.  Come with a surprise inside.

Wed, 04/13/2011 - 03:43 | 1164397 cowpieflapjack
cowpieflapjack's picture

pass the nuts please. plain or salted?

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:00 | 1162571 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Sort of like the TEPCO CEO: falls ill when the SHTF.  Are we supposed to feel sorry for him?

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:38 | 1162713 cossack55
cossack55's picture

Nah. He will just be chillin' with Ken Lay down in Argentina.

Wed, 04/13/2011 - 07:08 | 1164508 tonyw
tonyw's picture

Feel sorry, no way he had many years of stealing from the people for the benfit of his cronies and did not hesitate to violently crush dissent.

Good news, apparently his two sons have been taken to jail in Cairo this morning.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:02 | 1162580 RobotTrader
RobotTrader's picture

Funny how everything happens to go in the proper direction as dictated by the Fed.

Either by a tsunami of paper shorts in the oil market, Fed buying of retail stocks, and mysterious illnesses befalling various dictators.

Looks like TPTB has everything under control.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:15 | 1162640 downrodeo
downrodeo's picture

Everyone has a calling, we all serve our purpose. It is good for business though.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:07 | 1162588 Arius
Arius's picture

"And yes, we predict now that Mubarak will "die" soon, with his body mysteriously vanishing naturally."

do you mean he is already dead???

come to think of it...his VP read his letter of resignation...

reminds me of Nigeria's president...yeah well...c'est la vie...you win some lose some...

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:07 | 1162591 FunkyMonkeyBoy
FunkyMonkeyBoy's picture

Pure theater.

The world is a stage.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:08 | 1162606 gordengeko
gordengeko's picture

...And life is just a ride.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7criyE09uy0

Love that bit

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:07 | 1162593 long juan silver
long juan silver's picture

It occured the moment he was told gold was down $13. Net to you Mr President? A $580,000,000,000 hit to your 1,400,000 tonne stash. Relax sir, 1.1% is no big.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:10 | 1162605 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Mubi is donating all of that gold to the "Bill and Melinda Gates Charitable Foundation" upon his death.  Wants to go to heaven and wait for Buffie up there.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:10 | 1162604 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

You can't waterboard an 82 year old man...

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:12 | 1162617 oklaboy
oklaboy's picture






Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:12 | 1162628 Misean
Misean's picture

The USeless Empire had best be careful how it treats its aging satraps. The deal has always been a nice villa in the south of France, with all the stolen loot to make things cozy.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:25 | 1162633 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Righto Tyler,

And now that every last really pathetic loser long side criminal institutional bagholder has been bailed out intraday by the power of the magic HFT deployed today at 1:31 est on the Roach Motel [SPY] in unison with the printing press in Ben Bernanke's basement...I think we can now resume the plunging and screaming in disbelief portion of today's market programing...as the Great Goldman "surprise" continues while every last hockey helmet wearing moron who has not left yet tries to jam himself into the exit door at the same time...because he is still "bullish" because historical PEs are "cheap" and UnicornDew futures contracts suggest 20% upside in Pixiefuckindust, while E. Burnett smiles and laughs her disturbingly syrupy laughter and Phil Le beau reports on anything but GM cars with steering wheels that pop off, and Cramer chants the same 10 ticker symbols for the 1000th time in hopes that one last algorithm written by a retarded programmer...buy buy buys...and Becky Quick prepares to freak everyone out by endorsing the IRS.

Great!  Now...where the fuck is the actual market?  Anyone...Beuller....Beuller....

And anyway...in the final stretch...while you report the upcoming planned dollar crime spree to come at Treasury... bringing us home is M. Bartiromo and grandpa Giffith with a scintillating Bull/Bull debate between people who long ago lost track of their actual intellectual curiosity, misplaced with their credibility which was inside of their moral code....and Bob Pisani tells us what the "important thing about today is."

LONG AND STRONG HERE, Tyler!!  Fucking crazy pills everywhere baby!!


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 20:13 | 1163507 knukles
knukles's picture

Your're doing well, son.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:14 | 1162636 JailBank
JailBank's picture

Did he try to eat all the gold he stole? It has 0 nutrional value, so I'm told.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:15 | 1162870 Vendetta
Vendetta's picture

Nouriel recommends spam as a solid investment because you can't eat gold

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:34 | 1162924 velobabe
velobabe's picture

well i almost swallowed my gold crown tooth. it fell off as i bit into my bubble gum, this morning. i could of swallowed that fucker†

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 19:21 | 1163353 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

It's not a gold crown tooth. It's a gold mercury almalgam. It's kill you.


My mom tripped and lost a tooth and they could have put it back in but the people who worked at the dentist office were so poisoned to retardation that they were unable to figure out what she was calling about. They thought a crown had fallen off or some shit when they could have put her in the chair and put it back in within a couple hours.

They had to force my dentist into retirement because he was making so many bad mistakes because he had been neurologically damaged so badly.


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:19 | 1162648 Bubbles the cat (not verified)
Bubbles the cat's picture

Illness often precedes a pardon. Might find him mingling on Bondi Beach.


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 20:23 | 1163542 knukles
knukles's picture

ClubMed.  In a neon international flame rescue electric orange banana hanger, humongoliod white rimmed blue tinted sunglasses, slathered with Crisco, Lindsay Lohan on his arm barely able to stand or move being dragged along in the sand, a Motorola DynaTAC 8000X slung over his shoulder screaming obscenities at Jim Cramer live on the air (something about the equity layer of the Aswan Dam Advantage VIII defaulted interest only equity layer of a deal he's trying to unload) ultra long hand carved ivory cigarette holder with a massive splib/Gitanes (F*me that sounds bloody good!) mix alight, a massive cloud of blueish smoke wafting about after him.
The world is his oyster. 
And all I wants's his testicles for my odditiies collection.
Is that asking too much?

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:23 | 1162651 Ruffcut
Ruffcut's picture

Pulling a Ken Lay. Got to get him to caymens to reward him of his loyal service.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:21 | 1162653 nah
nah's picture

he will never talk... he would rather die by heart attack

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:25 | 1162662 Pchelar
Pchelar's picture

Sounds like just how Slobodan Milosevic died of a "heart attack" during his trial at the Hague.  Ex-US puppets always seem to expire before they can deliver any damning testimony...

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:42 | 1162729 samsara
samsara's picture

Or WhistleBlowers  sitting in a Hot Tub.  

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 18:02 | 1163171 samsara
samsara's picture

Yes, alas he was too. 

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:24 | 1162670 centerline
centerline's picture

Is there a 3x ETF for bullshit?


Wait... don't answer that.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 20:24 | 1163558 knukles
knukles's picture

Ding ding ding ding ding
The winning comment of the month.


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:28 | 1162684 tmosley
tmosley's picture

"Enhanced interrogation", ie torture (stress positions, etc), put a huge amount of stress on the heart.  An older person being subjected to such treatment is likely to suffer such a fate.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 18:48 | 1163263 BigJim
BigJim's picture

Yes, the Mukhabarat got Mubarak.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:47 | 1162736 Lilguy
Lilguy's picture

. . . maybe it was the electric wires connected to his gonads.

I can only hope!

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:47 | 1162739 max2205
max2205's picture

He cant buy the dip anymore....you can't make this shit up

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:48 | 1162752 belogical
belogical's picture

Your gonna need about 10,000 ambulances for heart attack victims when this economy crashses and memebers of congress, banks, wall streeter and the like start getting  questions before people tribunals with death sentences over their heads. It's coming

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:19 | 1162878 Vendetta
Vendetta's picture

there will probably be some heart attacks from the PM launch at that time as well.  Different reasons, same stress factor

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