And For Today's Dose Of The Surreal: Mubarak Suffers Heart Attack During Questioning

Tyler Durden's picture

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
samsara's picture

Congressional Hearing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzIw44w00ow&feature=player_embedded#at=76

The dart from this secret CIA weapon can penetrate clothing and leave nothing but a tiny red dot on the skin. On penetration of the deadly dart, the individual targeted for assassination may feel as if bitten by a mosquito, or they may not feel anything at all. The poisonous dart completely disintegrates upon entering the target.

The lethal poison then rapidly enters the bloodstream causing a heart attack. Once the damage is done, the poison denatures quickly, so that an autopsy is very unlikely to detect that the heart attack resulted from anything other than natural causes.

Source: http://www.examiner.com/x-6495-US-Intelligence-Examiner~y2009m11d29-CIA-secret-weapon-of-assassination

Trundle's picture

Who do you think got Matt Simmons?

adamparis's picture

damn, give him son Viagra quickly.

Hedgetard55's picture

"This is the big one, Elizabeth. I'm coming to be with you".

LFMayor's picture

Bubbles, Hedge, you both need professional help  :)  that's the first damn thing I thought of, too!

BlackholeDivestment's picture

King Chairsatan, Mubarak & Sons, wheezin the junk, like a Milken Heart Attack on Casino Night at the Pyramid next to D Nile, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UupyFSJeQI trying to escape their loss. Got a feeling Mubarak and the Mo Mo's are gonna walk like ...wait for it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nuhja7y4TM

 

knukles's picture

I want dibs on his testicles.  Just think about it.  What somebody, sometime down the road might pay for that/them little oddities.  Probably better than PM's.  New market in HosniNuts.  Come with a surprise inside.

cowpieflapjack's picture

pass the nuts please. plain or salted?

slaughterer's picture

Sort of like the TEPCO CEO: falls ill when the SHTF.  Are we supposed to feel sorry for him?

cossack55's picture

Nah. He will just be chillin' with Ken Lay down in Argentina.

tonyw's picture

Feel sorry, no way he had many years of stealing from the people for the benfit of his cronies and did not hesitate to violently crush dissent.

Good news, apparently his two sons have been taken to jail in Cairo this morning.

RobotTrader's picture

Funny how everything happens to go in the proper direction as dictated by the Fed.

Either by a tsunami of paper shorts in the oil market, Fed buying of retail stocks, and mysterious illnesses befalling various dictators.

Looks like TPTB has everything under control.

downrodeo's picture

Everyone has a calling, we all serve our purpose. It is good for business though.

Arius's picture

"And yes, we predict now that Mubarak will "die" soon, with his body mysteriously vanishing naturally."

do you mean he is already dead???

come to think of it...his VP read his letter of resignation...

reminds me of Nigeria's president...yeah well...c'est la vie...you win some lose some...

FunkyMonkeyBoy's picture

Pure theater.

The world is a stage.

long juan silver's picture

It occured the moment he was told gold was down $13. Net to you Mr President? A $580,000,000,000 hit to your 1,400,000 tonne stash. Relax sir, 1.1% is no big.

slaughterer's picture

Mubi is donating all of that gold to the "Bill and Melinda Gates Charitable Foundation" upon his death.  Wants to go to heaven and wait for Buffie up there.

carbonmutant's picture

You can't waterboard an 82 year old man...

Misean's picture

The USeless Empire had best be careful how it treats its aging satraps. The deal has always been a nice villa in the south of France, with all the stolen loot to make things cozy.

Cdad's picture

Righto Tyler,

And now that every last really pathetic loser long side criminal institutional bagholder has been bailed out intraday by the power of the magic HFT deployed today at 1:31 est on the Roach Motel [SPY] in unison with the printing press in Ben Bernanke's basement...I think we can now resume the plunging and screaming in disbelief portion of today's market programing...as the Great Goldman "surprise" continues while every last hockey helmet wearing moron who has not left yet tries to jam himself into the exit door at the same time...because he is still "bullish" because historical PEs are "cheap" and UnicornDew futures contracts suggest 20% upside in Pixiefuckindust, while E. Burnett smiles and laughs her disturbingly syrupy laughter and Phil Le beau reports on anything but GM cars with steering wheels that pop off, and Cramer chants the same 10 ticker symbols for the 1000th time in hopes that one last algorithm written by a retarded programmer...buy buy buys...and Becky Quick prepares to freak everyone out by endorsing the IRS.

Great!  Now...where the fuck is the actual market?  Anyone...Beuller....Beuller....

And anyway...in the final stretch...while you report the upcoming planned dollar crime spree to come at Treasury... bringing us home is M. Bartiromo and grandpa Giffith with a scintillating Bull/Bull debate between people who long ago lost track of their actual intellectual curiosity, misplaced with their credibility which was inside of their moral code....and Bob Pisani tells us what the "important thing about today is."

LONG AND STRONG HERE, Tyler!!  Fucking crazy pills everywhere baby!!

 

knukles's picture

Your're doing well, son.

JailBank's picture

Did he try to eat all the gold he stole? It has 0 nutrional value, so I'm told.

Vendetta's picture

Nouriel recommends spam as a solid investment because you can't eat gold

velobabe's picture

well i almost swallowed my gold crown tooth. it fell off as i bit into my bubble gum, this morning. i could of swallowed that fucker†

Hephasteus's picture

It's not a gold crown tooth. It's a gold mercury almalgam. It's kill you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ylnQ-T7oiA

My mom tripped and lost a tooth and they could have put it back in but the people who worked at the dentist office were so poisoned to retardation that they were unable to figure out what she was calling about. They thought a crown had fallen off or some shit when they could have put her in the chair and put it back in within a couple hours.

They had to force my dentist into retirement because he was making so many bad mistakes because he had been neurologically damaged so badly.

 

Bubbles the cat's picture
Bubbles the cat (not verified) Apr 12, 2011 3:19 PM

Illness often precedes a pardon. Might find him mingling on Bondi Beach.

http://www.smh.com.au/world/mubaraks-stash-put-at-660b-20110410-1d9c4.html

knukles's picture

ClubMed.  In a neon international flame rescue electric orange banana hanger, humongoliod white rimmed blue tinted sunglasses, slathered with Crisco, Lindsay Lohan on his arm barely able to stand or move being dragged along in the sand, a Motorola DynaTAC 8000X slung over his shoulder screaming obscenities at Jim Cramer live on the air (something about the equity layer of the Aswan Dam Advantage VIII defaulted interest only equity layer of a deal he's trying to unload) ultra long hand carved ivory cigarette holder with a massive splib/Gitanes (F*me that sounds bloody good!) mix alight, a massive cloud of blueish smoke wafting about after him.
The world is his oyster. 
And all I wants's his testicles for my odditiies collection.
Is that asking too much?

Ruffcut's picture

Pulling a Ken Lay. Got to get him to caymens to reward him of his loyal service.

nah's picture

he will never talk... he would rather die by heart attack

Pchelar's picture

Sounds like just how Slobodan Milosevic died of a "heart attack" during his trial at the Hague.  Ex-US puppets always seem to expire before they can deliver any damning testimony...

centerline's picture

Is there a 3x ETF for bullshit?

 

Wait... don't answer that.

knukles's picture

Ding ding ding ding ding
The winning comment of the month.

Priceless

tmosley's picture

"Enhanced interrogation", ie torture (stress positions, etc), put a huge amount of stress on the heart.  An older person being subjected to such treatment is likely to suffer such a fate.

BigJim's picture

Yes, the Mukhabarat got Mubarak.

Lilguy's picture

. . . maybe it was the electric wires connected to his gonads.

I can only hope!

max2205's picture

He cant buy the dip anymore....you can't make this shit up

belogical's picture

Your gonna need about 10,000 ambulances for heart attack victims when this economy crashses and memebers of congress, banks, wall streeter and the like start getting  questions before people tribunals with death sentences over their heads. It's coming

Vendetta's picture

there will probably be some heart attacks from the PM launch at that time as well.  Different reasons, same stress factor