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And For Today's Dose Of The Surreal: Mubarak Suffers Heart Attack During Questioning

Tyler Durden's picture


From The National Post:

Egyptian state television is reporting that former president Hosni Mubarak suffered a heart attack during questioning by prosecutors investigating graft and abuse allegations which prompted his admission to hospital Tuesday


Former Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak was hospitalized in the Red Sea resort of Sharm el-Sheikh Tuesday, two days after he was summoned for questioning by prosecutors, security sources told AFP.

“Mubarak was admitted to the Sharm el-Sheikh International Hospital this afternoon, amid a very heavy security presence in the town,” a security source told AFP.

Contacted by AFP, a hospital source refused to comment on the news and said that “the minister of health will make an announcement” shortly.

Mr. Mubarak was admitted by his bodyguards to the VIP wing of the hospital, state television reported, adding that the hospital was not accepting any patients except for emergency cases.

Police cars and ambulances surrounded the hospital, as well as a heavy military police presence, the television said.

Well, with the credit bubble boiling over, and funds using other people's money to buy up bridges in the Kalahari desert from point A to point A, in pursuit of guaranteed 10% in Kalahari Bridge Collateralized Debt, who can really blame the Egyptians for trying to access the collateralized bullshit obligation market?

And yes, we predict now that Mubarak will "die" soon, with his body mysteriously vanishing naturally.


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Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:00 | Link to Comment apberusdisvet
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Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:51 | Link to Comment samsara
samsara's picture

Congressional Hearing

The dart from this secret CIA weapon can penetrate clothing and leave nothing but a tiny red dot on the skin. On penetration of the deadly dart, the individual targeted for assassination may feel as if bitten by a mosquito, or they may not feel anything at all. The poisonous dart completely disintegrates upon entering the target.

The lethal poison then rapidly enters the bloodstream causing a heart attack. Once the damage is done, the poison denatures quickly, so that an autopsy is very unlikely to detect that the heart attack resulted from anything other than natural causes.


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:54 | Link to Comment destiny
destiny's picture

YYep, evil fucks everywhere : 

Gorbachev | Illuminati Conspiracy Archive Blog

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 17:24 | Link to Comment Trundle
Trundle's picture

Who do you think got Matt Simmons?

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 18:39 | Link to Comment adamparis
adamparis's picture

damn, give him son Viagra quickly.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:01 | Link to Comment LRC Fan
LRC Fan's picture


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:28 | Link to Comment Rahm
Rahm's picture

Mega Bullish, because he recovered from his coma:

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:02 | Link to Comment Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

"This is the big one, Elizabeth. I'm coming to be with you".

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:02 | Link to Comment Bubbles...bubbl...
Bubbles...bubbles everywhere's picture

You beat me by a second.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:09 | Link to Comment long juan silver
long juan silver's picture

Wha chu talkin bout Willis??

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:33 | Link to Comment LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

Bubbles, Hedge, you both need professional help  :)  that's the first damn thing I thought of, too!

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:55 | Link to Comment BlackholeDivestment
BlackholeDivestment's picture

King Chairsatan, Mubarak & Sons, wheezin the junk, like a Milken Heart Attack on Casino Night at the Pyramid next to D Nile, trying to escape their loss. Got a feeling Mubarak and the Mo Mo's are gonna walk like ...wait for it


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 20:07 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

I want dibs on his testicles.  Just think about it.  What somebody, sometime down the road might pay for that/them little oddities.  Probably better than PM's.  New market in HosniNuts.  Come with a surprise inside.

Wed, 04/13/2011 - 03:43 | Link to Comment cowpieflapjack
cowpieflapjack's picture

pass the nuts please. plain or salted?

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:00 | Link to Comment slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Sort of like the TEPCO CEO: falls ill when the SHTF.  Are we supposed to feel sorry for him?

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:38 | Link to Comment cossack55
cossack55's picture

Nah. He will just be chillin' with Ken Lay down in Argentina.

Wed, 04/13/2011 - 07:08 | Link to Comment tonyw
tonyw's picture

Feel sorry, no way he had many years of stealing from the people for the benfit of his cronies and did not hesitate to violently crush dissent.

Good news, apparently his two sons have been taken to jail in Cairo this morning.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:02 | Link to Comment RobotTrader
RobotTrader's picture

Funny how everything happens to go in the proper direction as dictated by the Fed.

Either by a tsunami of paper shorts in the oil market, Fed buying of retail stocks, and mysterious illnesses befalling various dictators.

Looks like TPTB has everything under control.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:15 | Link to Comment downrodeo
downrodeo's picture

Everyone has a calling, we all serve our purpose. It is good for business though.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:07 | Link to Comment Arius
Arius's picture

"And yes, we predict now that Mubarak will "die" soon, with his body mysteriously vanishing naturally."

do you mean he is already dead???

come to think of it...his VP read his letter of resignation...

reminds me of Nigeria's president...yeah well...c'est la win some lose some...

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:07 | Link to Comment FunkyMonkeyBoy
FunkyMonkeyBoy's picture

Pure theater.

The world is a stage.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:08 | Link to Comment gordengeko
gordengeko's picture

...And life is just a ride.

Love that bit

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:07 | Link to Comment long juan silver
long juan silver's picture

It occured the moment he was told gold was down $13. Net to you Mr President? A $580,000,000,000 hit to your 1,400,000 tonne stash. Relax sir, 1.1% is no big.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:10 | Link to Comment slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Mubi is donating all of that gold to the "Bill and Melinda Gates Charitable Foundation" upon his death.  Wants to go to heaven and wait for Buffie up there.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:10 | Link to Comment carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

You can't waterboard an 82 year old man...

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:12 | Link to Comment oklaboy
oklaboy's picture






Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:12 | Link to Comment Misean
Misean's picture

The USeless Empire had best be careful how it treats its aging satraps. The deal has always been a nice villa in the south of France, with all the stolen loot to make things cozy.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:25 | Link to Comment Cdad
Cdad's picture

Righto Tyler,

And now that every last really pathetic loser long side criminal institutional bagholder has been bailed out intraday by the power of the magic HFT deployed today at 1:31 est on the Roach Motel [SPY] in unison with the printing press in Ben Bernanke's basement...I think we can now resume the plunging and screaming in disbelief portion of today's market the Great Goldman "surprise" continues while every last hockey helmet wearing moron who has not left yet tries to jam himself into the exit door at the same time...because he is still "bullish" because historical PEs are "cheap" and UnicornDew futures contracts suggest 20% upside in Pixiefuckindust, while E. Burnett smiles and laughs her disturbingly syrupy laughter and Phil Le beau reports on anything but GM cars with steering wheels that pop off, and Cramer chants the same 10 ticker symbols for the 1000th time in hopes that one last algorithm written by a retarded buy buys...and Becky Quick prepares to freak everyone out by endorsing the IRS.

Great!  Now...where the fuck is the actual market?  Anyone...Beuller....Beuller....

And the final stretch...while you report the upcoming planned dollar crime spree to come at Treasury... bringing us home is M. Bartiromo and grandpa Giffith with a scintillating Bull/Bull debate between people who long ago lost track of their actual intellectual curiosity, misplaced with their credibility which was inside of their moral code....and Bob Pisani tells us what the "important thing about today is."

LONG AND STRONG HERE, Tyler!!  Fucking crazy pills everywhere baby!!


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 20:13 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Your're doing well, son.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:14 | Link to Comment JailBank
JailBank's picture

Did he try to eat all the gold he stole? It has 0 nutrional value, so I'm told.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:15 | Link to Comment Vendetta
Vendetta's picture

Nouriel recommends spam as a solid investment because you can't eat gold

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:34 | Link to Comment velobabe
velobabe's picture

well i almost swallowed my gold crown tooth. it fell off as i bit into my bubble gum, this morning. i could of swallowed that fucker†

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 19:21 | Link to Comment Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

It's not a gold crown tooth. It's a gold mercury almalgam. It's kill you.

My mom tripped and lost a tooth and they could have put it back in but the people who worked at the dentist office were so poisoned to retardation that they were unable to figure out what she was calling about. They thought a crown had fallen off or some shit when they could have put her in the chair and put it back in within a couple hours.

They had to force my dentist into retirement because he was making so many bad mistakes because he had been neurologically damaged so badly.


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:19 | Link to Comment Bubbles the cat (not verified)
Tue, 04/12/2011 - 20:23 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

ClubMed.  In a neon international flame rescue electric orange banana hanger, humongoliod white rimmed blue tinted sunglasses, slathered with Crisco, Lindsay Lohan on his arm barely able to stand or move being dragged along in the sand, a Motorola DynaTAC 8000X slung over his shoulder screaming obscenities at Jim Cramer live on the air (something about the equity layer of the Aswan Dam Advantage VIII defaulted interest only equity layer of a deal he's trying to unload) ultra long hand carved ivory cigarette holder with a massive splib/Gitanes (F*me that sounds bloody good!) mix alight, a massive cloud of blueish smoke wafting about after him.
The world is his oyster. 
And all I wants's his testicles for my odditiies collection.
Is that asking too much?

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:23 | Link to Comment Ruffcut
Ruffcut's picture

Pulling a Ken Lay. Got to get him to caymens to reward him of his loyal service.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:21 | Link to Comment nah
nah's picture

he will never talk... he would rather die by heart attack

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:25 | Link to Comment Pchelar
Pchelar's picture

Sounds like just how Slobodan Milosevic died of a "heart attack" during his trial at the Hague.  Ex-US puppets always seem to expire before they can deliver any damning testimony...

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:42 | Link to Comment samsara
samsara's picture

Or WhistleBlowers  sitting in a Hot Tub.  

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:22 | Link to Comment Arkadaba
Tue, 04/12/2011 - 18:02 | Link to Comment samsara
samsara's picture

Yes, alas he was too. 

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:24 | Link to Comment centerline
centerline's picture

Is there a 3x ETF for bullshit?


Wait... don't answer that.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 20:24 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Ding ding ding ding ding
The winning comment of the month.


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:28 | Link to Comment tmosley
tmosley's picture

"Enhanced interrogation", ie torture (stress positions, etc), put a huge amount of stress on the heart.  An older person being subjected to such treatment is likely to suffer such a fate.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 18:48 | Link to Comment BigJim
BigJim's picture

Yes, the Mukhabarat got Mubarak.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:47 | Link to Comment Lilguy
Lilguy's picture

. . . maybe it was the electric wires connected to his gonads.

I can only hope!

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:47 | Link to Comment max2205
max2205's picture

He cant buy the dip can't make this shit up

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:48 | Link to Comment belogical
belogical's picture

Your gonna need about 10,000 ambulances for heart attack victims when this economy crashses and memebers of congress, banks, wall streeter and the like start getting  questions before people tribunals with death sentences over their heads. It's coming

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:19 | Link to Comment Vendetta
Vendetta's picture

there will probably be some heart attacks from the PM launch at that time as well.  Different reasons, same stress factor

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:48 | Link to Comment topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

Naive guys like mubarak and the tunisian dictator really believe they are loved by the people and will go down in history as a legendary revered leader. They are surrounded by yes men and obsequious sycophants and are oblivious to reality.

Its hard to believe they are so naive but they are. Then when reality intrudes and they find out the truth, it is so emotionally wrenching that it is not surprising they have a real or just a psychological coma, or heart attacks.

The more cynical dictators know the expression of affection is false, but these two bozos must have really believed they were the greatest most beloved leaders ever.

The tunisian dictator even went to visit the burned.dude in the hospital and offer condolences to his family!

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 15:51 | Link to Comment Dr. Porkchop
Dr. Porkchop's picture

Isn't that the old mobster trick? Trouble with the old ticker when it comes time to take the stand?

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:13 | Link to Comment dogismyth
dogismyth's picture

these guys are not stupid.  They know what's coming, and when and why.  One reason why their final moments are certainly seen as acts of desperation.  The trap has been a Venus flytrap.  No way out now for Mubarik and he knows it.  But what the hell....he probably had one helluva life and screwed some of the hottest bitches on the largest yachts while drinking the finest and partaking of the finest shaman cocaine available.

I'll bet he agreed to be put to death in lieu of what will be done for his family.  We're talking about dealing with the mafia here....not a witness protection program.  There is nothing at the end of the rope but certainty.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:22 | Link to Comment BT310
BT310's picture

Dear Mr Gaddafi,

I apologize for the late response to your Channukah package. Anna and I enjoyed the cookies.

Funds have been kept in our bank in NY amounting to $16 billion(including $4.2 in gold). Please accept a cease fire and agree to cooperate for a few weeks. I am 100% certain that funds will be released without incident or uproar(I saved the damn financial system after all). Thanks to our timely rescue of Bear Stearns, I have wound up with a bunch of worldwide properties where you may "vacation" if needed. Call or text my cell to let me know whats up.


Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:28 | Link to Comment Gordon Freeman
Gordon Freeman's picture

"collateralized bullshit obligation market" LOL!!!

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:44 | Link to Comment americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

Death is too good for such people

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 16:53 | Link to Comment DNB-sore
DNB-sore's picture

By the way, how is Ben Ali coping his stroke?

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 17:02 | Link to Comment DNB-sore
DNB-sore's picture

in the media it's death silent

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 17:31 | Link to Comment TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

I have a commercial foreclosure hearing coming up. I was wondering how I was going to handle it.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 20:28 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

The MSM is dead silent about anything of importance whatsofuckingever substituting anything of no importance that they can pawn off as important.

"It's faux important."

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 18:20 | Link to Comment gwar5
gwar5's picture

Mubarack is already a dead man walking from advanced cancer. This is not too surprising. Why are they even bothering? I suppose it's to get his $$ or to prevent his children or his cronies from making a comeback.

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 18:56 | Link to Comment Fantasy Planet
Fantasy Planet's picture

Can't hack the gold dips.   

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 22:04 | Link to Comment zen0
zen0's picture

Gold is an odd thing. If you collect it, but it goes down in fiat terms, you can keep it till it comes back. If you die before that time, you can give it to the ensuing generations to keep, waiting for it to come back.


But you never sell it. If gold goes up and up, you feel more secure, but you don't sell it in case it goes down, because it will go up later.

If you properly handle gold, you love gold more than you love yourself.

This cannot be existentialy consistent, can it?

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 21:56 | Link to Comment zen0
zen0's picture

Is Ariel Sharon still in a coma?

Tue, 04/12/2011 - 23:13 | Link to Comment Widowmaker
Widowmaker's picture

Was Ken Lay asking the questions, or Tupac?

Wed, 04/13/2011 - 03:46 | Link to Comment cowpieflapjack
cowpieflapjack's picture

A shame Rudolf Hess isn't still the hotelier at Spandau

Wed, 04/13/2011 - 06:17 | Link to Comment kraftwerk
kraftwerk's picture

Hmmm its strange how BBC News doesn't say heart attack but "heart problems"

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