An Angry Ireland Calls Out Europe On Its Bullshit Stress Test

Tyler Durden's picture

Remember when the pathetic farce that was the stress test presumably prevented Europe's collapse, and served as the inflection point preventing the EUR from hitting parity with the USD? Well, one of the banks that the "stress test" uncovered to be solvent was the recently insolvent Allied Irish Bank, which earlier this month needed a taxpayer injection of billions to presumably make sure that European creditors (and likely Goldman Sachs, very much like the case in Anglo Irish) never see even one dime lost. And today, an Irish Member of the European Parliament Alan Kelly said he intends to write to the EU Competition Commissioner to discover just how it is that one of Ireland's top banks slipped through the stress test cracks only to require a bail out mere months later. It appears that slowly everyone in Europe is starting to turn against the trillions in German bank liabilities that stand to be impaired, and lead to a systemic collapse, unless local taxpayers dutifully reach into their back pocket and make sure fat bankers continue their worry-free existence.


A Labour MEP is to write to the EU Competition Commissioner to find out why the Commission gave Allied Irish Bank the all clear in July only for the bank to require billions earlier this month.

Alan Kelly has said Europe's failure to anticipate the development is very worrying.

Mr Kelly said: "The fact that AIB passed the stress test raises many questions."

We can't wait for the response from those uber pathological liars at the head of the ECB.

h/t Niall

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Slash's picture

someone might have an "accident".

Sudden Debt's picture

Those damn traffic light always seem to fail at the strangest times...

masterinchancery's picture

Or maybe a sudden attack of suicide.

americanspirit's picture

stress can kill you

UGrev's picture

there's no "banking famine"... there's banks all over the place :)

Mongo's picture

I can smell the fecies hitting the fan...

macholatte's picture

There's fraudclosure in the US and various banking scams in Europe popping up all over the place. Seems like that arcade game where the clown pops his head up and the kid hammers it back down before time runs out.

Is it the banking system as clown and the sheeple striking back, or, is it the sheeple as clown and the central bankers hammering them down?


Chandos's picture

IMO, when you've reached the end of the last Ponzi scheme, the system implodes and everyone - bankers and sheeple alike - gets to wear the big red shoes...The question is, for the elite, can another global Ponzi bubble be inflated or is this the straw that broke the camel's back?

Just my two cents...

Chandos's picture

- Here's your venti Polonium latte Mr. Kelly, enjoy!


knukles's picture

Same shit, different venue.

And just deserts, Karma. 
Amazing insight into the human condition.  Sham tests even when perpetrated by the powerful and influential simply cannot change reality.  Did anybody really think this was all taken care of by some fudging of numbers? 

And settling upon the same folks who, when the US system was imploding, shamed America for profligacy, greed, corruption and avarice, holding themselves to be the very paragons of virtue.
And then get bit on the ass for the same indiscretions.  It's just the way the world works.  

Lesson?  It ain't over till it's over, the fat lady sings and methinks we're only into the First Act..... 
Like excessively expansionary monetary policies, round robin beggar they neighbor global currency devaluations, higher taxes and trade wars will provide a viable exit.
Hold on Tight.

Great time during risk on markets to make a risk off long term high quality income oriented portfolio.  This is gonna end in tears.  Always has, always will. 

RoRoTrader's picture

Always read your work, knuckles.

mohadiep's picture

Yeah, I would love to hear my chancellor admitting that our Landesbanks are screwed.

Sure they will blame the Irish for the mess and Angie Merkel will tell as one

more time that there is no alternative. It drives me crazy. No one gets prosecuted for that

bloody mess.


Lord Welligton's picture

Allied Irish Bank passed the stress test "subject to" it being able to raise €7.4bn by assets disposals, rights issue and debt buy backs.

That's what Kelly will be told.

The question of course is what kind of stress test would allow such latitude.

What we don't know is the latitude given to the big European banks.

Of course it now needs €10bn not €7.4bn.

And that excludes underprovisioning on home loans and personal debt in a country with 13.7% official unemployment (more like 20%).


knukles's picture

Passed the test "subject to" not otherwise failing the test.
Brilliant.  Fucking brilliant.  

Do take care Smedley, no damage to the walls now.  The sponge has square corners, you know.

Fucking ludicrous. 
And this is just the introduction.  The real collapse hasn't even happened yet, which'll be when the world wakes up to the reality that everyone is broke and can collect nothing from the bankrupt, who are owed unlimited amounts by the insolvent, who are attempting to make late payment on a bank holiday in the wrong country, with an unacceptable currency, against defaulted collateral, of which nobody is sure who holds title.

StychoKiller's picture

Brilliant summary!  We are indeed in one giant, ju-ju-flop situation!

Lord Welligton's picture

"The sponge has square corners"


New to me. Like it.

"The real collapse hasn't even happened yet"


But then it is obvious to me that everyone is not "broke".

Or perhaps it is obvious that the USA/UK/Euro Lords are broke.

And if they are, which they are because their banks are broke, they need to herd their people to their defence.

One of the problems they have this time is that the people (that would be those not imprisoned in the Entertainment Gulag) have knowledge.

The Draft won't work.

So they will have to go straight to the bomb or Fascist control of the people.

The banks must be protected at all cost.




M.B. Drapier's picture

Passed the test "subject to" not otherwise failing the test. Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.

Nicely put, but iirc the ECB made that assumption on the strength of a commitment from the Irish government to make up the €7.4bn if, but only if, the Precious Darling wasn't able to raise the full amount itself (thus allowing the insiders to keep their board seats). So it's not the ECB which deserves the stick for that one. On the other hand, there is that extra €3bn in (minimum, confirmed) extra losses which nobody seemed to notice. (The Financial Regulator recently told a parliamentary committee that he "didn't know" whether the banks had been lying in their loss estimates.)

ZeroPower's picture

Hey, remember the American banks passing their stress tests?

And theyre still alive.

For now.

HarryWanger's picture

Have a business checking account and a personal checking account with two different major banks. Each one called within the past 2 weeks to ask me how I felt about the service I was receiving and if everything was ok. 

In over 20 years with one and 10 with the other, never once has that happened. I think there may be something to this "bank boycott" that's going under the radar. Are the banks nervous? Seemed a bit odd.

ZeroPower's picture

Hmm, odd indeed. Maybe nows the time to ask for perks.

lamont cranston's picture

Ah yes, let's screw the taxpayers again. Unfortunately, you can't get blood out of a turnip, er, potatoe.

THE DORK OF CORK's picture

Brilliant William - its good to laugh in the face of adversity.

Hope now is gone - but when you have nothing left to lose then let justice be done though the heavens fall.

As regards Kelly , I congratulate him, but to trust the Labour party to confront the banks is foolish in the extreme especially with Ruairi Quinn and others connections with various priesthoods withen Europe.

The political parties are merely instruments of the banks.

The only option for people is to not pay mortgage paper until all risk bank paper is destroyed.

The Irish people may have some obligation to pay their goverment debt but not banks private debt.

doolittlegeorge's picture

they were late "but they joined the Union nonetheless."  the last I believe.  So again, "just who is being bailed out here"?  The banks?  Or the (in this case) "governments."   As someone "who just joined and therefore is last" trust me when I tell you "i know what it means" although "the Greeks doth protest."  And apparently so do the French!!!

Miles Kendig's picture

The political parties are merely instruments of the banks.

Of course.  Political power has always been an expression of the winners and the spearchuckers are by definition spearchuckers, regardless of political philosophy.

+! once more William.

RoRoTrader's picture

You are very wicked, william.........i am certain you know that yourself, and fortunate for all for this creative ZH outlet.

Uncle Remus's picture

unless local taxpayers dutifully reach into their back pocket and make sure fat bankers continue their worry-free existence

What a load of bollocks.

Fred Hayek's picture

. . unless local taxpayers dutifully reach into their back pocket and make sure fat bankers continue their worry-free existence.

Well, then we must.  ANYthing for a banker.  What I wouldn't give to be spat at in the face by a banker!


masterinchancery's picture

To paraphrase Hermann Goring, when I hear the word Banker, I reach for my Luger.

Rotwang's picture

Stress tests. Hmmm. Piles of debt (not weighed or measured) against other piles.

There is very little coined money. And it is not really circulating.

Good ol' Karl is throwing conniptions about people reading the constitution, while not being able to quote it himself. "$20 (find that instance in the constitution)" The Silkstockings and black-robes do dot the i's and cross the t's.

What actually is the controversy in an instance of 'foreclosuregate', where no money (only passed evidences of debt) was ever offered?

knukles's picture

Hey, what about the guy who did a jingle mail on a 0% down, 100% financing that went underwater, the mortgage of which regardless of noncomplying papers got weighed bailed and shipped out through GMNA, the pools of which are 100% Full Faith and Credit of the US Gubamint? 
Fucker gets his house back for free that he paid nothing for, which we the tax payer are on the hook for, via a GSE acting "within parameters either set and/or overseen by Congress. 

Throw in a little Carl Hiassen and we got a novel.  Add some John Malkovich and we got a hit comedy film.  Add a pinch of reality and "we" got a problem the creation of which "we" (the people) had nothing whatsoever to with.  And some folks wonder about the temperment of the public at the moment.

Rotwang's picture

Jingle mail?

The rabbit hole is actually a  lot deeper than that. Don't get confused by the confetti and the balloons.

The United States Mint still provides coinage. However it is rarely used.

You want a constitutional "twenty dollars" in the contract to run by the black-rubes? You had better have evidence that you delivered 'that' twenty into the fray.

And since it isn't done anymore, why would anyone expect that "land" should be conveyed on the other side ot the bargain. MERS might just come out smelling like a rose, since they only painted artificial conveyances far away from true "land", and the language will be there to prove it.


beastie's picture

Was Kelly the only guy who didn't know the stress tests were just for fun?


THE DORK OF CORK's picture

It is a sad refection about the nature of the political - economic debate here that the best questions forwarded to a political leader ( the pathetic opposition Labour leader Eamon Gilmore) was from a local comedian by the name of Andrew Maxwell.

This little piece was recorded last year. 




scratch_and_sniff's picture

"Alan Kelly has said Europe's failure to anticipate the development is very worrying."


lol priceless, what in the name of jumping Jehovah is going on here? With fleeting insights like this, we're obviously already dead. Headless chicken anyone? Well done Alan, yes you can start worrying now. Like when you are worried the world sits up to pay attention.

Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

Maybe something happened beyond their control when they did the stress tests. Maybe a dog ate it, or the sun was in their eyes, or they tripped over a rock ...

Implicit simplicit's picture

The test that they gave was analagous to a test given to a 90 year old to see if she is fit by testing to see if she is breathing.

Just_Another_User's picture

I surprised that this is just now coming to light... Seemed as though it went unquestioned... CNBC was giving the minute by minute & it was laughable!

Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

What's not surprising is that no one in the press from the FT to the WSJ to ZH thought that the tests were anything other than a bid to buy time. A rigged bid.

What is surprising is that despite this it worked and in the interim not only did it buy time but it bought price in the EURUSD, combined with the masterful prestidigitations of the beloved Federal Reserve.  

If the EURUSD had gone to parity it would have caused great havoc and further unwind of Sovereign debt, a very negative feedback loop ...

However, if the USD index breaks hard through support, lets say it implodes into the 60s, that is also going to wreak tremendous havoc. Could be. Or, we could get a back room deal worked out with China. And you could see a big USD pop ... just like the S&P500 defending 1040 again and again and ... until the shorts were bleeding and the longs were terrified. Then we climb the Great Wall of Worry. PMs and commodities would be sold into the 30% ramp that we just saw since August. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Diplomacy cum psy-ops?


Miles Kendig's picture

As Axil Weber's merry go round breaks down and his wheels fall off. 

There simply aren't enough tax payer's pockets to make all the senior good everywhere.  Since it is all impaired the seniors are in the same spot as tax payers.  Like it or not, recognize it or not, the seniors are toast.  And many seniors will choose to remain in denial concerning end of life decisions until the end of life forces these decisions upon their survivors.

DavidC's picture

I really hope it's NIALL who's hat-tipping all this!


hoeforthedough's picture

three plus years of reading this's nice to see a little British humor from the blokes across the pond.....small world it is these days....seems like we're all gonna be drinking piss..... 

hoeforthedough's picture

three plus years of reading this's nice to see a little British humor from the blokes across the pond.....small world it is these days....seems like we're all gonna be drinking piss.....