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The Animated Apocalypse: The "Day Of Rapture" For Dummies
It appears that according to some, the world will end in 48 hours or something, on May 21, in what Christian radio broadcaster Harold Camping has called the Day of the Rapture. Judging by the inverse selling in the stock market today (if not by those allocated underwriter shares in LNKD: those guys are long gone), mutual funders and other idiot money aren't buying it. Neither is the Treasury which just released its latest 2, 5 and 7 year refunding statement in hopes someone aside from Brian Sack will be left alive to bid up the $110 billion in new US paper. So in order to help readers decide if it is time to start reciting that "The End Is Nigh" here is NMA with their as usual absolutely spot on, and typically humorous, assessment of this most recent brick in the wall of apocalyptic worry, which at best will merely add to the already near record NYSE margin debt.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjPJ45kmDz8
try this.. mellow out man!
Cannibal is a great band.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IT8KfyacS8
you need to take care of yourself! so that you can make sure we are taken care of when we are old.. not to many know the truth, not to may are able to comprehend the truth and you are one of the very few.. as a matter of fact if I were 20 years younger.. something would have happened! but at 39 I am over the hill!
But back to you taking care of you... make sure you are well! you are one in a Trillion! realize that and embrace it. You are needed in this world! Badly!
Look at it like this. You have a very special ability. It is the reason why you are here, why you see and feel things others do not notice. When others see falsity, inbalance and unfairness... they just see words and pictures. They may even feel angry because of learned morals. But you feel and see this stuff without any learned concepts. It is a very powerful ability..... yet, it simultaneusly can be like a curse, if you do not control it. Learn to control it.... learn when to use it, and when to stay disassociated. You need to learn this, or your blind use of it will ruin you. And you should start immediatelly.
The dollar is getting whacked, that's all.
Whacked against what?
a chambermaids face...
Remember when you were 13...it's like that, except it has no value on the outcome
Comet Elenin has a better chance to cause some damage to our planet than 5-21...unless the NM blows...then all bets are off.
Comet Elenin arrives late Sept and then again in November.
"For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, ..."
2 Timothy 3:2
This is untrue, right comrades?
And you're point?
And your worthless reply?
BTW, it's your not you're.
I'm still not clear on what you are actually trying to say though, enlighten me. Is there a point? Just asking, no need to get bitchy.
let ye with the cleanest bong water cast the first stone!
That explains a lot....
No...it was an order - he's hoping you'll take the first bullet.
Panem et circenses
With all the talk of Wall st. and banksters with regards to greed on this site, I would have thought the point of is quoting 2nd Timothy would have been obvious.
Homeland Security just served a no knock warrant in heaven over the rapture.. the Father Land wanted to know that no terrorists had taken control of the rapture!
Please when this begins.. take your shoes off and put any electronic devises into a seperate bin.. no metal in your pockets and socks off of course.. please take you children out of their diapers.. so that they can be felt up by a stranger!
Just think! it will all be worth it in the end!
And if you beleive yourself to be one of the chosen, turn off your lights and appiances on Friday night.
It will save the rest of us a lot of trouble come Sunday morning.
Is there a time on Saturday, because I have to service my car at one point .
On a side note, I want that calender that pops up at about 0:17 into the video.
Will this mean the end of Teleprompter Tennis?
Bummer.
Look! the towel heads as well see the rapture coming.. anyone under the poverty line around the world is praying for the end.. as opposed to killing the evil doers! maybe after saturday acts will be more important that hell fire! bullshit sitting around waggin their tounges and fingers? doubt it! fat lazy fucks who do nothing but talk to hear themselves talk!
The Coming is Upon Us - Translation: Reza Kahlili http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwiadYT-N9k&list=PL8E575F4DB46E8F0A
What You Gonna Do? ZombieBankDeathSquad http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjPJ45kmDz8
A Time-Lapse Map of Every Nuclear Explosion Since 1945 - by Isao Hashimoto http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLCF7vPanrY
Israeli bulldozer driver murders American peace activist http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBPf29ZOWkg&feature=related
My Day of the Rapture came 48 hours early. After 7 days of rain, a strange bright object was shining in the sky. Strangely confused by its presents, I ran for cover to a nearby tree. Breathing deeply and uncertain about my future, I took a second glance. With a deep sign of relief, it was only the sun.
Enjoy your doomsday folks. I'll catch up with you at ZH on Sunday to see if everyones OK.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9q7MZa0zYk
For any physical PM holders wishing to participate, please consider allowing me to hold your stash until you return.
3...2...1...Wha? Still here? Shucks!
for any PM owners who are leaving and live closer to me, I pick up! no problem! enjoy your trip and know that I will be passing the PM's out for scalps when the time comes!
I'm also in FL, so who's going to take the south end? Flip an Eagle for it?
UUm, why bother to sell the house or get divorced?
Let's see. Hmmm, well, because they're REALLY stupid?
if you are ever presented with the opportunity to bet on the end of the world on a certain day - always bet against it happening.
because if it actually does there won't be anybody to pay off.
so Hitler was right all along ??
I found some mushrooms growing in my back yard the other day after it rained. On Friday night, I plan to sautee them in butter and have a delightful appetizer.
harold camping is a fabulous piece of work! this will be the second time that he has failed to call THE END, but, since he realized where he had been in error between the first try and this one, well, whatchagonnadoodoo?
the whole family radio scene seems very laid back. but it is huge. apparently, the people who run it do not milk it for money and lavish living, so it actually supports itself. and grows.
harold has no authority. he relies on scripture. he is a servant, and, he has been blessed with the correct interpretation, so that's what it says and means. and, he can prove it.
personally, i like the guy. and i don't know him personally, but i realized he knew a lot about ancient writings, so i called the toll-free # and ordered a free book, which i enjoyed and learned a few things from--especially about the pre-christian dates, themes, and history.
although he interprets myth, symbol, and parable concretely, he also stops a respectable distance from the mystery of it all.
and, he has figured out the date! just ask him!
considering Fukushima and what's going on in the Mississippi, the earthquakes and floods bit is happening...
rapture doctrine DID NOT EXIST until after Martin Luther posted his 95 Theses. it was penned by a Jesuit named Ribera, in an attempt to assuage the damage to the Vatican that Luther had done. millions were deceived.
You do realize that facts will get you nowhere, right?
but the truth shall set you free. ;)
Rapture, eh?
+1 for general awesomeness
What sucks is there will be no rapture. We are stuck with these delusional christ tards.
Saddly yes...UNTIL THE NEXT TIME!!!
By god it WILL happen next time...swear to god...send money.
This is the kind of grabage that gives real Jesus followers a bad rap. Just like those who claim to be holy holy then turn out to be pedos or drunkards. Not that they cant be forgiven but are not the example and most likely liars. Anyone can cofess with thier mouth but thier fruits tell the truth. People that make claims such as this dont even follow what they are preaching from. And apparently do not study what they preach as well. There is history, science, art, languages and so on in the bible. It takes time and real research and study to understand it in totality not just some cherry picking mission to raise cash or fame. For certain men crept in unawares... "they" like to do damage to our society and ways of thinking. Creeping in and taking over our finances, religions, govts and so on. Since there were flesh men/women, always snaking in and using subtle tactics and psychology as the main tools of this deception. Just to give a lil bit because I truly do not wish to make a 50 page testomony because ALL have a right to choose how they live thier life and what they do with it. Take the universe spoken into motion for example, Sound waves and frequencies do actually manipulate physical reality. theres documnetation of frequencies on a metal plate with salt or sand on it making shapes as frequencies change. Real patterns. There are for the moment 11 dimensions that can be somewhat proven but yet we only see in 3, we see in a tiny tiny spectrum of light yet so many more right in front of our faces we cannot see. What is in those other spectrums of light and dimensions our brains cant register at any given time and place? The tech we have can only understand the ones we program them to so what are they missing because our brains havent htought of it yet but is yet real and exists all around us constantly. How about medicine example. Bible tells to use running water when doctors and such treat patients yet just up til about 100 years ago so-called modern med used bowls of water. Or how bible talks of earth being in space and and a sphere and hung on nothing(gravity). Yet many claim flat earthers and such. I see a lot of opinions on things like this that are unfounded or are part of the programming these men that crept in unawares us to keep us ignorant and have such hihgh opinions on thigns we've never actually studied in depth for ourselves. But that stuff is explained in the bible as well. Anything you could want to know is in there wiht real study and research. How about sacrifices? We are to never sacrifice because Jesus became sacrifice of sacrifices and the sabbath and the passover and so on. How there are 3 earth ages and not new age ages but divides of before the fall, after the fall and after the white throne judgement.I could go on for days about circumcision, rapture lie, history and science and physical ashen remains of sodom and gom(and surrounding area that got wiped out by pure sulfur) that is known today, sulfur that exists unaturally is in this entire area. Not like sulfur made in nature that is not created pure and of certain colors but pure sulfur out of nowhere and remains that still are there. I could go on on the history and mistranslations not that i speak everything used in the bible fluently but it is part of the deception as well. Most of whats out there is total bs I have found only one church in my lifetime that taught anything close to chapter by chapter and verse by verse. Its no wonder we have so many people who dont believe or see(or do see) the corruption of the churchs today of any religion and it hardens thier heart. Everyone has a right to choose and decide for themselves hopefully they actually do that and not just take peoples words for it. Hot nor cold is blowing in the wind and wasted life. This is the kind of stuff that makes me sad and to be honest angers me because I could have known the truth earlier but people that do things like this judgement day ruined me for truth for many years. Judgement day isnt even until the white throne judgement. None are dead or will be dead until that time(save the 7k that come with the false messiah, that die instantly upon Jesus return, the rest of us go into the Lord's day and learn the truth). Anyway, always read and study for yourself, study the people telling you things and most of all, as hard as it it as times even for me, dont let that heart get hardened. Also, there is no rapture btw
Paragraph breaks are your friend.
just sayin'...
Use ALL CAPS if you want to make that more readable.
Just sayin'...
Or, alternately, you could remove all capitals, punctuation, and spacing; go for a more stream of consciousness vibe.
AnD USe PSycHO ChiKeN RanDUmLi WiTH iNreStIng MiSPEELinGs.
The truth is your politicians lie to you. Your boss lies to you. Your news lies to you. And bullshit rains down from heaven in everyones dreams. Lies will never stop because it's the only way equal men are allowed to elevate themselves. There's no secrets in the bible or truths. It's an extremely contradictory writing which allows for total righteousness. Simply pick a place on the contradictory axis and blast out "truth". Circular reasoning like blue healers running round and round cows.
Cool! You mentioned dogs and cattle :-) NOTE: dogs aren't really necessary for hearding cattle (refer to Julius Reuchel).
Hephas, of course they lied to us. not just me but ALL OF US. you apparently didnt read what i typed or at very least only read a few lines then went off in your own head being self-righteous in exposing evil bible. and pretty much eveyrthing after your news lies to you is real easy to say when youve never actually studied or read it and researched it yourself. you sir are self-rightoues and a hippocrite for blasting anyoen who says anything against what construct of a world you have in your head. you cant see you are blinded. you didnt even finish nor read it in entirety. pfft self-righteous you say, i say look in the mirror and do some actual study and research before you spout of your hate speech.
Here's what religion is.
Types of Curses: In the Bible, three different Hebrew words are translated as “curse.” The most common is a ritualistic formulation which described as “cursed” those who violate community standards defined by God and tradition. Slightly less common is a word used to invoke evil against anyone who violates a contract or oath. Finally there are curses which are invoked simply to wish someone ill will, like cursing a neighbor in an argument. What is the Purpose of a Curse?: Cursing can be found in most if not all religious traditions around the world. Although the content of these curses may vary, the purpose of curses seems to be remarkably consistent: enforcement of law, assertion of doctrinal orthodoxy, assurance of community stability, harassment of enemies, moral teaching, protection of sacred places or objects, and so forth. Cursing as a Speech Act: A curse communicates information, for example about a person’s social or religious status, but more importantly it is a “speech act,” which means that it performs a function. When a minister says to a couple, “I now pronounce you man and wife,” he isn’t just communicating something, he is changing the social status of the people before him. Similarly, a curse is a deed which requires an authoritative figure performing the deed and acceptance of this authority by those hearing it. Curse and Christianity: Although the precise term isn’t generally used in the Christian context, the concept plays a central role in Christian theology. According to Jewish tradition, Adam and Eve are cursed by God for their disobedience. All of humanity, according to Christian tradition, is thus cursed with Original Sin. Jesus, in turn, takes this curse on himself in order to redeem humanity. Cursing as a Sign of Weakness: A “curse” is not something which is issued by someone with military, political, or physical power over the person being cursed. Someone with that sort of power will almost always use it when seeking to maintain order or punish. Curses are used by those without significant social power or who simply lack power over those they wish to curse (such as a stronger military enemy). Now I've spoken about these bizarro world things on here before. About tecumseh curse over the presidency and people either don't get or just thing its some sort of peculiar oddity. Tecumseh had no army he had no physical world pathway to achieve that curse. Yet he had a moral superiority of authority for the terrible things done to him and his people. So when you see me on here saying things like. Fuck your war. Fuck your taxes. Fuck your authority. I'm not just being a potty mouth. I'm coming from a moral authority of a person who has lived well and tried his very best to make the world a better place for all people. A person who can stand in fake jesus's face and hear "The poor will always be among you" and is able to say to him. FUCK YOUR POVERTY. Now I'm not saying I can do better or I know what everybody should be doing or have all the answers. But what I'm saying is this has turned out to be one giant huge ass mistake. And people are going to look for a bright way out of it. People are going to need other people to resolve things and see them for what they are and we are NOT going to get that with this one sided manipulative boob tube culture designed to make everyone an idiot taking part in idiotic things. This world will almost die and the people who almost killed it will bow down to authority. It won't be my authority or tecumseh's authority or the jew books bullshit saints or the quorans bullshit prophets. It will be to the PEOPLES AUTHORITY. The people who make this world work and even halfaway livable. Now I'm not self righteous. I'm self righteous plus a whole shit load of other righteous. Deal with it. I'm going to get a lot more comfort and security for whole lot more people or I'm going to get up your ass, it'll go better with consent but millions of people are gong to get up this worlds ass without a permission slip if thats what it takes. Everyone cracks at some point along the fib sequence time spiral tightening nobody makes it to the end and I mean NOBODY.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PWzW4t0ns0&feature=related
typed in rant style. who needs 100% spelling/typing, grammar, punctuation and so on in a rant? pfft:)
Me think all ok for peoples and no problems after too days
Me think all ok for peoples and no problems after too days
Did you see Hitler in there going to Heaven?
Alien bong hits?
Hey girls, only two days left, come and get me...
the aliens smoke my weed all the time, eb.
this must END!
Reminds of this old trance song..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIAZTV_sYtk
ZH needs to start their own cult. Having a strong sense of purpose and entitlement is a must for anyone starting their own. One shouldn’t give a trucker’s ass that the term ‘cult’ has negative connotations to the largest and most profound of cults, the one that’s right down the street from you.
First, you should begin by creating a mystique about yourself, like Tyler. This may not be an easy task, as you are likely, not exactly brimming with coolness. Where applicable, consult with a local Rodeo Clown or a Human Resources consultant for assistance.
All subjects will need to believe it was their idea to join your movement, and become that elite group of spiritual, hip, financially savvy individuals no longer needing to ride the mechanical bull to prove they’re cool.
You should research successful religions and cults by poring over the promotional literature of your local church. A belief system sprinkled with scientific/spiritual jargon is needed. Nightly news mocks the wacky and irrational ‘cults’ like those involving Comets, UFO’s, virgin birth, and secret subterranean worlds, so base your cult value system on what ‘appears’ to be common sense. Sex is one of the strongest motivators, therefore, opt for a core belief system that includes an ‘end of times’ scenario that’s correlated to the usefulness of your parishioner’s sexual organs. Everybody loves Armageddon, especially when it’s vague enough for plausible denial and redirection.
Have initiates proselytize; this assures exponential growth. Your holy text should be printed on a parchment made from an unusual source, such as; the Holy Goat of Detroit (born with the message branded on its hide). The message of this holy text will be sufficiently unclear so as to be subject to all types of interpretation.
Next, know that all effective religions have both a God and a prophet that delivers the message. This ‘dynamic duo’ arrangement can be amazingly effective. For instance, Marla can remain incognito, working behind the scenes like the Wizard of Oz, and huckstering her phony miracles (such as a cure for acne, turning bread into garlic bread, and the transformation of Boones Farm Strawberry wine into Cabernet Sauvignon). And Tyler can be the ‘Prophet’, bringing forth the message to those in need, the messenger who interprets the cloven visions, bleats, and signs put forth by the almighty one with the glowing, angelic mullet.
Appropriate Recruits, Wanger, RedNeck, Johnny Bravo, etc...
Thoughtful consideration means that you need to recruit subjects who are in a weakened physical, emotional or mental state. In addition to recruiting outside PETA headquarters, alcohol and drug abuse rehabilitation centers (especially for the benefit of rich dopers, junkies, or drunks, such as The Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage, California), and the ‘ultra rich’ who consult with Psychotherapists in all the major cities. The most abundant source for truly disturbed individuals remains the island of Manhattan.
Self-preparation to become a ZH Cult Leader
Next, study guided meditation, hypnosis, and the technique of binding sausage to the inner thigh without cutting off the circulation to your leg. This, so you can induce your audience into trance. Invest many hours in front of a mirror practicing the arresting gaze that charismatic’s possess (it would be difficult for old HLS because of my glass eye). Train yourselves on how to speak slowly, in penetrating, rhythmic, and captivating tones. Use calculated silences and hesitations between words and sentences for emphasis, and learn how to use intermittent volume to increase your presence, especially after monotonous, droning messages, which may be your forte. Practice evoking emotions in your subjects such as; laughter, tears, anger, hope, despair within a three-minute period (or whatever matches your own arousal period).
After you have drummed up substantial interest, hold a meeting at an auditorium. Ordinary marketing campaigns will be detrimental to your efforts, since mass marketing removes the ‘exclusivity’ parishioners are seeking. Do not appear to be ‘trying too hard’, like the struggling poser hanging out with men who have larger handle bar mustaches. Still, because sme promotion is necessary, we suggest that you purchase a one-time ad in the local Learning Anus magazine to drum up interest.
The Meeting
I can see Hephasteus doing a great job if he was to take the reigns here, creating the proper ambiance, music that soothes the soul, inducing a serene, worship-friendly state of mind. Use backlighting to create a halo effect around your head (higher wattage for those with misshapen noggins), and use incense to mask the body odor from the field workers you will pay five dollars each to increase the size of your audience. Like Chairman Mao, raise the podium above the standing level and place an oversized picture (6’x6’) of yourself behind the podium. When taking the photo, place phenylephrine hydrochloride in your eyes. This will dilate your pupils and make them appear deeper and more tranquil. Once you have done that, you’re ready to give it a go at appearing to have superhuman powers and charisma.
Utilize well-endowed men such as CD or ORI (or attractive men with sausage strapped to their inside thigh) and large breasted women as ushers (or a tranny like RT). Each will be asked to the stage to provide testimonials of your righteousness. After which, you will deliver your simple message – that the only way to prevent the earth’s destruction is by increasing breast and penis size, and to engage in non-stop copulation. Invite initiates to participate in the ‘inner circle’. Conduct this baptism-like rite of passage ceremony with car battery cables connected to the worshiper’s nipples, and make sure they are videotaped dancing naked on top of a table while listening to top forty oldie “Dream Weaver”.
Attribution to the self is always supplanted by the girth of their penis, the responsiveness of their clitoris.
Ok. I can't figure out if that is a character assasination or just a really elaborate porn fantasy. Have they been blocking your porn sites again?
Yes!
(it was that obvious?)
AS a Christian, I would be happy if the world ended on the 21st...however as a Christian I know my Bible, and it says this about guys like Camping "If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." Mattew 18:6
Cool thing about Jesus is he is Just and Merciful. He enacted Justice upon himself when he died for our sins, and provided us a means to be right with God through faith in Him. I think Camper will be looking at the Justice side of the coin.
End of the World?
..wasn't that supposed to happen in 2000?
..it did mark the internet (hyped www.crap.com) bust ...the markets are due a correction, tomorrow could be a good for it!
In 1000 AD too - see Norman Cohn's 'In Pursuit of the Millenium' and back even further in our written memories see Homer par example. Since Lamarck seems to have a better understanding of evolution than Darwin - religious fucktardism is most probably encoded in our genes
Religion and ZH, not a good mix. No religion, know peace, nuff said.
If only it were so easy, bro!
Your preaching peace isn't a religion?
Yeah, I want peace too. I guess that makes us coreligionists.
tie a rope on my leg
to a couple monster bars
if i can't take it with me
i don't want to go ...
bullion rapture bytches..
I recognize Michael Jackson and the hitler type, but who are the other twits?
The end is always near, we're all born terminal.
Nikita: "I never did mind the little things."
Woody Allen: "First your nauseaous, then you die, and you're not nauseaus anymore!"
Sewicide note: "I always take the easy way out. I was even born by ceasarean section."
Nice to see all the usual's here commenting on "The "Day Of Rapture" For Dummies".
End of world scheduled for 30-June-2011. So let it be written, so let it be done - Ben (the Bernank) Rameses.
http://www.youtube.com/user/AskTheBots?v=TucmvJlW7Ss&feature=pyv&ad=10592177877&kw=may%2021
Learn to text message to God! for the end of the World Evangelical FREAKS!!!
all true Christians! will be taken away http://www.youtube.com/user/piastudio?blend=23&ob=5 this weekend... all of us Fake Christians will remain behind to screw your wives while you all are gone!
My bumpersticker says: In case of Rapture the occupant of this car will be out looting.
for those who are hard of hearing! the end of the world for the deaf! translation!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzBcSc-ngX4
you better know if its 2011 or 2012.. cause if you are wrong and its this weekend! that would suck to be you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI1sDH2r6BQ
a day without judgment is like a day without sunshine.
and..
a drill without drill bits is like a day without sunshine.
so...
a drill without drill bits is like a day without judgment.
or. ..
that might just be judgment day, everyday.
we don't have any clear ideas concerning time.
i suppose that is just part of the idiocy of youth
and criminality as they so coincidently manifest.
but when the old folks go all in on it then we have ...
terminal societal collapse. oh joy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I KNOW, we need more actors and puppets,
and a bigger stage ! and some higher resolution and sound effects
and stuff.
.
soon i will give up. nothing to see here, move on.
still you might want to end the fed and their stealing
in broad daylight at your expense, or not?
insider bank robbing is the solution to pollution.
wow btfd pm
I call 'dibs' on the Winchester Mystery House!!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43082513/ns/us_news-life/t/end-world-how-abo...
See you all in hell :-)
Here's a link to read about a man who has spent his entire savings to advertise THE END of the world because he believes in the prediction of Camping. This is what I know: We can't be sure until Saturday becomes Sunday.
http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/992600--nyc-man-spends-life-savings-on-doomsday-ad-campaign?bn=1
...awe, guy just missed it by a few years.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=597Ykoy6_vE&feature=related
Ummm.. does the rapture come at 2:00pm Eastern Standard time? Just wondering since it's already the 21st here. I don't think they had time zones in the bible days, but this is pretty crazy stuff...
Well the good thing is if you miss it in one time zone then you can travel to the next time zone to catch it.