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Anonymous Foreclosure Mill Attorney Responds to the FL Bar Ethics Opinion Approved by the FL Bar’s Professional Ethics Committee
In response to the Florida
Bar Ethics Opinion Jan. 11, 2011 Approved by the Fla. Bar’s
Professional Ethics Committee June 24, 2011.
Dear Ethics Committee,
I
was an inexperienced, green around the gills, newly minted esquire when
The Law Offices of X&X hired me way back in '04. Anxious to please
and further my soon-to-be illustrious career, drive a nice BMW, and
drink vintage Bordeaux on a regular basis, I was thrilled to death when I
discovered that my job description included compiling packets of
information for a large bank, information which included affidavits
that, even to my untutored mind, looked a little fishy. You know, all
those blank spaces... All those dates that didn’t jibe… All those
signatures that varied wildly, document to document… Well, anyway, the
affidavits came from a company that was rumored to be somehow involved
with one of the partners, and so I didn't say anything. It's really not
my job to think, because every plaintiff who can pay for it deserves
justice.
So I rocked and rolled along, got the BMW (in a nice
blue, with beige interior and top), and impressed all my high school
buds at the reunion. Those peons!
Well, 'round about 2006 I got a
copy of the affidavit company’s newsletter. I think it was sometime in
September. Those good folks were kicking ass and taking names, because
there was an article in that newsletter where they stated plainly that
they were executing - on average, mind you - 1,000 documents a day!
Wow! I counted on my fingers and then counted on my toes and I just
didn't see how those folks could manage such a feet, I mean feat, but,
you know, it's not my job to think, because every plaintiff who can pay
for it deserves justice. I wanted a larger Beemer, and wanted to
graduate from vintage Bordeaux to vintage champagne, and carry a Bottega
Veneta briefcase like the lawyers you see on TV, so, you know, it was
cool.
I tore my personal copy of the newsletter in little bitty pieces. I never really saw it, not really.
Then
in 2007 I read an opinion out of the US Bankruptcy Court, Southern
District of New York State. The opinion was called In Re Fagan. Those
mean judges up in bankruptcy court cast aspersions on the character of
the very affidavit people I was working with. The nerve. I didn't say
anything, course, because my mom was bragging to her garden club about
me and I was up for membership at the yacht club. You know how it goes.
My whole firm was doing it, so, oh, come on, it must have been hunky dory.
Then
in 2008 I started hearing grumblings coming out of Louisiana - why
wasn't that bankruptcy court wiped out in Katrina? – in a case called In
Re Wilson. Danged if those judges down there insisted on fining and
sanctioning our great affidavit people - they went so far as to call
those nice affidavits I was using a "farce" and a "sham." I mean,
what's the big deal? The deadbeat homeowners are in default, so why not
play just a teensy bit fast and loose with some of the more minor
details? So what if those good affidavit folks don't really have
"personal knowledge"? So what if there's no notary in the room - I
mean, I need a bigger BMW and I might make partner in a couple years!
I pretended not to read In Re Wilson, and I sure as hell didn't mention it to my mom.
Then
in 2009 I took a class across town in Tampa - I mean, where I work, and
it was to keep certified in my area of professional expertise. Which is
real estate, in case you didn’t know. The class was put on by the
Florida Bar and the title was "Hard Times: Foreclosures, Bankruptcy,
Offers of Judgment, MERS and Such.” Everyone was really impressed when I
drove up in my new BMW 750i - it was sweet! But I was shocked, shocked
when I read a little item in the package called "Max Gardner's Top 200
Signs You've Got a False Document," because, lo and behold, the #1 sign
was the town where all the nice affidavit people worked! Oh, no! The
#3 sign was a county across the state, which was where their other
offices are located... Gee, I didn't know what to say or where to look,
so I pretended not to notice that many of the names in this list have
been names on the affidavits I've been filing in courthouses all over
the state. How many times? Who knows! I mean, I've talked to these
nice people on the phone - lots! One of them even rode in my BMW – not
this new one, the blue one I bought after the red one.
But, this
Max Gardner - what does he know? He's way up north - why'd the Florida
Bar include such scurrilous information from a Yankee, anyway? I don’t
believe a word he says and I’m not going to worry a bit about it.
Who can stop my upward climb?! It’s my fate! It’s my DESTINY! Let's get real here!
But
now, now the mean ole Florida Bar is trying to tell me that I have to
notify the court about those affidavits! What are they talking about –
do you know how long it would take my assistant’s assistant’s assistant
to do that? They can't make me! I mean, I’ve lost track of how many
homes I’ve foreclosed on! Doesn’t the Florida Bar understand that
affidavits are just details, mere technicalities in the ongoing life
cycle of foreclosure? Why is it so important to have personal knowledge
anyway? Notaries – bah, notaries are idiots!
Why does the Bar care; the Courts sure don’t! What’s the big ole hairy deal?
Then
last week some stupid girl that I foreclosed on back in TWO THOUSAND
SIX sent me a whole package of stuff. For crying out loud! I got a good
laugh out of that! This nutcase said that the way the Bar’s opinion
looked to her, I had to “receive information” about robosigned documents
and then I was supposed to tell the court! The nerve! She sent me a
copy of the affidavit company’s 2006 newsletter: turns out the author
of that article signed the financials in her foreclosure the month after
the article came out. She implied I should have known! Coincidence!
Mere coincidence! She seems to think I read that article! She sent me
a copy of In Re Fagan, too, as if I had time to concern myself with
what the bankruptcy court in New York – of all places! – was doing! She
also sent me a copy of an April Memorandum in In Re Wilson – does she
seriously think I keep up with my profession? Please! Besides, those
federal people don’t know jack, they don’t really know what’s going on.
Then this girl found out – I’ll have someone’s head! – that I attended
that Florida Bar thing back in 2009 – does she really believe I was
paying attention?
Gee whiz, this girl has an exalted opinion of
lawyers if she thinks so. So what if the same affidavit signer who
wrote the newsletter article and signed off on the financials I filed in
this girl's case is the very signer that the federal courts said "gave
false testimony" - attorney-speak for "lying" sounds so much nicer! - in
In Re Fagan and In Re Wilson? So what if that same signer was #76 on
Max Gardner's list! How was I supposed to know? Remember, I never
read In Re Fagan. I never read In Re Wilson. I never, ever read that
Max Gardner list! She's nuts!
lawyers if she thinks so. So what if the same affidavit signer who
wrote the newsletter article and signed off on the financials I filed in
this girl's case is the very signer that the federal courts said "gave
false testimony" - attorney-speak for "lying" sounds so much nicer! - in
In Re Fagan and In Re Wilson? So what if that same signer was #76 on
Max Gardner's list! How was I supposed to know? Remember, I never
read In Re Fagan. I never read In Re Wilson. I never, ever read that
Max Gardner list! She's nuts!
She said she read the Florida
Bar’s Ethics opinion that I have an affirmative obligation – pre- and
post-judgment – to notify the court that there was a false affidavit
filed in her case. Get her! And why is the Florida Bar letting the
general public read ethics opinions, anyway? I mean, that’s really
something that should be kept only for the right kind of people to read –
not the hoi polloi. This crazy lady thinks I’m going to tell the court –
“do the right thing” was how she put it. I haven't laughed so hard in
years!
Holy moly, what’s the world coming to?! I’m a lawyer. A
LAWYER. When I speak, people sit up and pay attention. I COMMAND
respect! I don’t concern myself with right or wrong, black or white.
That’s for the little people. I was made to drink champagne and drive
BMWs and go out in yachts and impress my mother’s garden club. I’m
ABOVE it all. It's really not my job to think, because every
plaintiff who can pay for it deserves justice.
So you see, Florida
Bar, you are wrong, wrong, wrong when you say I have to bestir myself
and do a darn thing about the fraud I helped my clients commit on the
court. Because, I’ll tell you one thing, if one of those nice people’s
affidavits was phony, they were all phony! Geez, give me a break.
Seriously, whose side are you on???
This isn’t FAIR!
Signed,
Your Local Neighborhood Foreclosure Mill Attorney
www.4closureFraud.org
h/t lizinsarasota
(Great Job!)
»
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Inspired!
What are the words for which the acronym "B.A.R." is derived - hmmm?
Browning.............
pods
Out of curiosity......what percentage of elected officials in DC are barristers? Hmmm.....and anyone is shocked things are so effed up?
I never have and never will vote for a lawyer in any election. My guys and gals lose a lot, but at least I know I've voted for people that actually have accomplished things in their lives besides collecting BMW's unethically
...and nothing has changed at the banks as AP reported this afternoon:
County officials who are responsible for keeping land records, including property deeds, say that they have received thousands of robo-signed documents filed in their offices since October.
In Essex County, Mass., the office that handles property deeds has received almost 1,300 documents since October with the signature of "Linda Green," but in 22 different handwriting styles and with many different titles
Signed,
EveryLawyer.
How many of those sphincters do you think let ethical concerns get between them and the 750i?
Very good stuff.
Yes, not too shabby.
Why the link to search for '#76' on Twitter?
I wonder if that BMW will get repo'd?
4closureFraud rocks!
The names have been change to protect the guilty from the very pissed off innocents. Who do these hoi polloi nut cases think they are, citizens with inalienable rights who actually expect them to be enforced?
That's just crazy talk. I've got three more years of payments left on the 750i for crying out loud.
payments on the 750i? pfffft. david stern, one of the most well known foreclosure mill lawyers in florida handled 70,000 foreclosures in 2009. let's say $1,200 each; that's $84 million. and he has a few years under his belt. he has numerous mansions and cars including a $1.2 million bugatti.
Brilliant