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An Artist's Impression Of A Goldman Sachs Bonus Securitization Offering

Tyler Durden's picture






 


Prospectus Supplement to Prospectus dated August 19, 2009.

$30,000,000,000 *
(subject to arbitrary increase)

The Goldman Sachs Group, Inc.

in conjunction with

United States Treasury Department

is pleased to offer you the following

0% Subordinated HFT Participation Notes

in the

GSBS I (Goldman Sachs Bonus Securitization *)

*for legal reasons, Goldman Sachs Group will not use the word "Trust" to describe this entity

The 0% Subordinated HFT Participation Notes represent a securitization of forward-looking executive-retention payments, payable to Goldman Sachs employees. The Notes will pay interest in the form of negative-accrual on the notes on August 19 and February 19 of each year. The first such negative-accrual will be made on February 19, 2010. The Notes WILL NOT be guaranteed by Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. or any of its affiliates. The HFT Notes will be collateralized by proceeds from the bond and an indirect guarantee from the United States Treasury. Both the GSBS I collateral and Treasury Guarantee are for the sole benefit of the Goldman Sachs Group Inc. executive retention program, not holders of the HFT Notes. In the event that GSBS I collateral is not sufficient to meet the "2010 Bonus Payment Amount", the United States Treasury has provided a full and unconditional guarantee for any shortfall in payment amount.

At the earlier of the scheduled maturity date (December 31, 2010) or the "Bonus Payment Date", all principal outstanding for the HFT Notes will be extinguished. At the maturity, all collateral in the GSBS I entity will be paid out to executives, which will result in zero recovery value for the HFT Notes. In exchange for the participating in this HFT Note transaction, participating holders will be "exempted" from front-running by Goldman Sachs Group Inc. proprietary and high-frequency trading activities. Such exemption period will last until the "Bonus Payment Date", at which point Holders of the HFT Notes will be subject to front-running, dark-pools, scalping, and other trading actions that Goldman Sachs Group Inc., in its sole discretion, deems appropriate. If Goldman Sachs becomes obligated to pay additional amounts to non-U.S. investors due to changes in U.S. withholding tax requirements, Goldman Sachs may redeem the notes before their stated maturity at a price equal to 100% of the principal amount redeemed plus accrued interest to the redemption date.


Neither the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission nor any other regulatory body has approved or disapproved of these securities or passed upon the accuracy or adequacy of this prospectus. Any representation to the contrary is a criminal offense. If such criminal offense is committed by a Goldman Sachs employee, it will not be prosecuted.


Initial public offering price 99.858 % $ 29,957,400,000

Underwriting discount 0.450 % $ 135,000,000

Proceeds, before expenses, to Goldman Sachs 99.408 % $ 29,822,400,000

Proceeds to Goldman Sachs executives 99.408 % $ 29,822,400,000

Goldman Sachs may use this prospectus supplement and the accompanying prospectus in the initial sale of the notes. In addition, Goldman, Sachs & Co. or any other affiliate of Goldman Sachs may use this prospectus supplement and the accompanying prospectus in a market-making transaction in the notes after their initial sale, and unless they inform the purchaser otherwise in the confirmation of sale, this prospectus supplement and accompanying prospectus is being used by them in a market-making transaction.

Goldman, Sachs & Co.

United States Government

 

Disclaimer:

Any resemblance to bonds or securitization pools, actual or imaginary, positive or negative-accrual, issued by Goldman Sachs or The United States Government, is purely coincidental. No puppies were hammered to death in the preparation of this lampoon.

h/t Troy




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Wed, 08/19/2009 - 15:39 | Link to Comment Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

Very cleaver, but my face still hurts from the hot slap!!! Fuckers!

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 15:42 | Link to Comment spekulatn
spekulatn's picture

OUTFRIGGINSTANDING stuff TD.

 

"MARK IT ZERO, DUDE"

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 21:13 | Link to Comment Audicar (not verified)
Wed, 08/19/2009 - 22:03 | Link to Comment Frank Owen
Frank Owen's picture

Why don't you pimp that slut somewhere else. Sick of your brown-nosing then promoting the same crappy site twice.

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 22:12 | Link to Comment Apocalypse Now
Apocalypse Now's picture

I think we are all yelling at a robot.  This bot continues to apply for new usernames to ZeroHedge, it might be related to the individual that posted the algorithm for the captcha since it appears they pull words from the first sentence in a comment and then add the link.

I personally think someone other than ZeroHedge wants your IP address - it is a bait and lure to get you to click and collect your IP address - not sure if it is government or not.

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 22:24 | Link to Comment Frank Owen
Frank Owen's picture

Yeah, your probably right about the robot thingy. Got a Ford van that has been driving me crazy... oil pressure relief valve is jammed and it is a 15 hour job to fix it... I have to take the alternator and powerstearing pump off just to get to the oil pressure switch! So even if it is a bot, it made me feel a little better.

Collect my IP address?? Hope the pricks don't room 101 me... I hate rats.

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 15:53 | Link to Comment jg
jg's picture

Ha, ha, ha!

Please forward this to Timmy, Bennie, Barack, Barney, Nancy, and Harry, and tell them that we are watching.

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 15:55 | Link to Comment Project Mayhem
Project Mayhem's picture

i bet if you posted this on Ebay someone would bid on it.

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:25 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/19/2009 - 15:58 | Link to Comment Comrade de Chaos
Comrade de Chaos's picture

Reuters-

"The stock market shook off early losses Wednesday and turned higher, led by a surge in energy stocks amid signs that demand for oil may be rising."

 

signs of.... :), i just saw a sign in the sky..and it's gone!

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:16 | Link to Comment Project Mayhem
Project Mayhem's picture

/agree

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 18:30 | Link to Comment Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

+9...Infidelity charges a premium to shag you and your money.  Those retirement account referral fee's have to come from somebody?

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 20:31 | Link to Comment Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

In my case it was time release Cialis for 20 years...I pulled out with 38% loss..Enough of this crap.  Cash is the new Black card...its in my pocket and will remain there forever!  I complained to Taleb about missing the rally, he said sweetheart its preservation...;-)

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:03 | Link to Comment Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

Print this on fancy paper. Wall Street will buy it.

Thu, 08/20/2009 - 16:49 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:08 | Link to Comment waterdog
waterdog's picture

Tweeter and the monkey man
Are going to the Goldman bash.
They are staying up all night
Printing a washtub of cash
Tweeter said to monkey man
I don’t like being called a liar
Monkey man said don’t worry Tweet
We are taking it to the wire.

Monkey man said the Chinese
Are doing as they please
But we know what we are doing
Soon they will feel
The monkey man squeeze

Tweeter and Monkey Man from the Traveling Wilburys

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:25 | Link to Comment AndItsGone
AndItsGone's picture

In Jersey anything's legal as long as you don't get caught.

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 21:13 | Link to Comment Audicar (not verified)
Thu, 08/20/2009 - 11:27 | Link to Comment snorkeler
snorkeler's picture

I think Bob might like the update.

 

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:13 | Link to Comment ShankyS
ShankyS's picture

Where did he get the original TARP documents from?

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:13 | Link to Comment Apocalypse Now
Apocalypse Now's picture

This would have saved our economy a lot of grief if we had just paid the crooks a couple hundred million a piece instead of the structural damage to the economy so they could get a couple hundred million a piece by gaming compensation.  This is much more efficient, but we just need to add the quid-pro-quo related to the government guarantee - you scratch my back, I'll scratch your back - I can't get your back if I don't get re-elected so fund my campaign.

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:20 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

I agree, write it into the usa budget. Dear NYC scumbags, here is your $200B/yr to divide between you, now stop f$cking things up poste haste.

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:24 | Link to Comment JohnKing
JohnKing's picture

Obama has no financial sense whatsoever, GS kicks in a million, sure throw them some scraps, not the whole freakin cow.

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:13 | Link to Comment JohnKing
Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:21 | Link to Comment glenlloyd
glenlloyd's picture

Is this in any way related to a GSGSE?

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:22 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:39 | Link to Comment vicelord
vicelord's picture

As long as you guys are all here, let me ask you - does anyone have ANY idea why, @ 11:48 EST exactly, the market went into parabolic, nuclear, shit-your-pants, mega-rally mode?  Any idea at all?  Reuters/Yahoo Finance is trying to pin the blame on Energy; their daily 1-line attempt at an explanation is "Market Rallies on Signs Oil Demand May be Rising."  As if.  Oddly enough, CNBC hasn't come up with theirs yet.  I'm sure they're scratching their heads right now trying to use something from their archives (yesterday they said it was cause of HD's earnings.)  But, other than the obvious manipulation, was there any specific catalyst that could explain why, as if on cue, the indexes went bananas right @ noon?  I wasn't paying attention.  I know you got OPEX on Friday, and the bias is to the upside in a month like August 2 days before OPEX, when the ETF's have no dividends.  But What.  The.  Fuck?  Everything, right @ 11:48, went nuts.  

Did I miss anything?  Was there ANYTHING in the news that could explain this shit?  Or was it the same ol'/same ol' fry it/buy it programs?  Aren't they starting to get worried that somebody - like the rest of the free world - might notice? 

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:48 | Link to Comment Project Mayhem
Project Mayhem's picture

I noticed this too, and I agree it was unusual -- but I have no idea why or how.

 

It came to my attention after lunch when I noticed there was a correlation coefficient of near 1.0 between gold and U.S. equities during the time in question.  Perhaps the U.S. dollar had something to do with it?  I have not checked that intraday chart.

 

 

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 19:13 | Link to Comment lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

rumor of a 2nd stimulas

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:44 | Link to Comment Arm
Arm's picture

Stop the press TD!

Boomberg: Swiss Government Decides to Sell Stake in UBS Immediately

http://bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=ahHxThBKIivc

Is UBS still one of the largest counterparties for derivative transations?  What can happen if 10% of the deposit base flees / is prosecuted, while the remaining 90% wonders if they are next.  While at the same time the government dumps 6 billion CHF of in shares (about 10% of marketcap)

 

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 16:53 | Link to Comment MinnesotaNice
MinnesotaNice's picture

I think you would call that entertainment in its finest form...

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 17:13 | Link to Comment Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

Holy Cannoli...Blockbuster!!!

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 18:06 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/19/2009 - 18:31 | Link to Comment matthylland
matthylland's picture

That was my thought as well...
Hard to believe it is not related.

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 19:03 | Link to Comment Arm
Arm's picture

Yeah, sure their asses are nice and clean.  But this is a recipe for serious trouble.  They are dumping 10% of the stock, while at the same time BEGGING the clients to run for the door.  UBS should plunge tomorrow. 

That said, it is not good when one of the largest derivatives dealer plunges in share price.  I think the point is proven by last summer.  Tends to give a nasty reinforcing negative spiral.  UBS is much larger than Lehman, and people have not reduced their exposure to UBS like they did with LEH.

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 19:23 | Link to Comment cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

UBS down after hours -2.33% on +50% vol over pervious day. Looks like the long knives are out.

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 21:13 | Link to Comment Audicar (not verified)
Wed, 08/19/2009 - 17:28 | Link to Comment SlimeyLimey
SlimeyLimey's picture

Already got it in my email from some dude in Nigeria

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 17:57 | Link to Comment Alexander Supertramp
Alexander Supertramp's picture

"Don't ever lose your sense of humor Dan. Don't EVER lose your sense of humor." - James Belushi; About Last Night (1986)

Thanks TD!

Wed, 08/19/2009 - 19:11 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/19/2009 - 19:16 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/19/2009 - 19:18 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/19/2009 - 21:20 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/19/2009 - 22:57 | Link to Comment Milton
Milton's picture

"No puppies were hammered to death..." very doubtful. Llyod Blankfein is an alleged puppy killer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WFaREeKR1M

 

 

Thu, 08/20/2009 - 23:29 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 12/09/2010 - 00:01 | Link to Comment athenal
athenal's picture

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