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Is Bank Of America Preparing For Another "Non-Settlement" Settlement?

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Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:38 | 1433989 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I'll take $2 worth off your hands. Could you bill me please?


Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:56 | 1434074 BlackSea
BlackSea's picture

Including expenses, your bill comes to $2.5 billion sir. Cash or charge?

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:58 | 1434083 Max Hunter
Max Hunter's picture

Does that include late fees??

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 17:08 | 1434131 BlackSea
BlackSea's picture

Those come at the end of the 3 and 5 year period, when BofA has to "extend" their duration. Just buy insurance from AIG and AXA, they should be around


Thu, 07/07/2011 - 17:05 | 1434102 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Brings a whole new meaning to the old supermarket question "Paper or plastic?".


Thu, 07/07/2011 - 17:05 | 1434112 BlackSea
BlackSea's picture

Yes, but that's sooooo "real economy"...

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:57 | 1434075 Thomas
Thomas's picture

Why bother fining them when they are backstopped by the Fed (aka us)? What I would like to do is convert each million of the charge to the unit of a testicle to be removed from the top eschelon. Thus, and $8 billion dollar fine would translate into 8,000 testicle removals. (I haven't yet come up with an analogous penalty for the women, but I would think that a twenty pound surgical butt implant would be punitive.)

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 18:53 | 1434413 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

I second that motion - not so much the testicle thing, but i could "get behind" the surgical butt implants.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 17:10 | 1434141 sgt_doom
Thu, 07/07/2011 - 21:24 | 1434714 Hurdy Gurdy Man
Hurdy Gurdy Man's picture

see my link below - hold that thought


Fri, 07/08/2011 - 00:29 | 1435048 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

"I'll take $2 worth off your hands. Could you bill me please?"

Just do what I do... Sign Timmay Jeethner's name on the bill... Timmay's credit is golden with all that TARP, HAMP, HARP and HUMP money to throw around...

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:42 | 1434003 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Why bother with raising cash when they will just get bailed out again? Get the money from bernanke or owebama.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:48 | 1434029 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

This is what exactly will happen.

Bank of America will and many others will 'be punished' for murdering the law when it comes to real property deeds and conveyances, but they'll all be bailed out again, so the only ones that will be punished are taxpayers.

Bad mortgage originators! Now you will pay up, and pay up big! Bad MERS! Bad LPS!

Kleptocracy at its most efficient is a spectacularly brutal machine.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:48 | 1434041 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Well, the $8.5B settlement was going to the big bankstas club who get first bite at every larceny so obviously this is just another taxpayer screw job.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 21:25 | 1434716 Hurdy Gurdy Man
Hurdy Gurdy Man's picture

see below... my link... proof of kleptocracy from inside da bank itself


Original Bankstas!


Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:43 | 1434007 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture
NM Rothschild & Sons Are Moving In For The Kill

Before Joe Stiglitz was fired he took a large stack of secret documents out of the World Bank.

These secret documents from the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund reveal that the IMF required nations:

1. To sign secret agreements containing 111 destructive items. (I’d love to get a hold of that list)

2. To agree to sell off their key assets – water, electric, gas, etc.

3. To agree to take economic steps which are devastating to the nations involved.

If they do not agree to these steps they are cut-off from all international Import/Export. If you can’t borrow money in the international marketplace, no one can survive, whether you are people, corporations or countries. If that doesn’t work they overthrow the government and rewrite history.

The Argentina Plan

Inside documents from Argentina show the top-secret Argentine plan. This was signed by Sir James Wolfensohn, the former president of the World Bank. Argentina has had six presidents in five weeks because their economy is completely destroyed. This happened because they started out in the end of the 1980s with orders from the IMF and World Bank to sell-off all their assets, public assets, like their water system. Then they taxed the people. They created big government and big government handed it off to the private IMF/World Bank. They pay off the politicians billions in Swiss bank accounts.

“Beware of calls to return to a gold standard. Why? Simple. Because never before has so much gold been so concentrated outside of American hands. And never before has so much gold been in the hands of international governmental bodies such as the World Bank and International Monetary Fund. In fact, the IMF now holds more gold then any central bank.” ~ Bill Still

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 18:08 | 1434322 TheGoodDoctor
TheGoodDoctor's picture

Who the fuck did they steal it from? Maybe via swaps.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 18:15 | 1434345 mr. mirbach
mr. mirbach's picture

The US has no gold - if there is any gold in Fort Knox it is not US property!

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:44 | 1434017 bogey4
bogey4's picture

Huh?  How does the issuance of debt relate to the equity raise?  I don't follow.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:49 | 1434042 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

The issuance of bonds via sale on the open markets raises cash.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:49 | 1434045 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Testing how hungry the sharks suckers are before the chum is brought out. 

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:54 | 1434066 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Bank of America is too big to fail, holding 40% of all cash or cash equivalent deposits of Americans.

Bank of America will be made whole only after the Obamacrats and Boehnercrats use it as a prop to display their disgust at the 'shenanigans' of greedy bankers (they could use far more blatant and massive and sophisticated criminals like Goldman Sachs or JP Morgan, but elections are coming up, and the need for campaign cash is in full throttle).

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 21:23 | 1434709 Hurdy Gurdy Man
Hurdy Gurdy Man's picture

see my link below

Fri, 07/08/2011 - 00:28 | 1435056 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

Jesus Christ... you're like the same bill board I keep driving by in the desert every 30 miles... There better be a Stuckey's when I get there...

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:51 | 1434053 FromGaltsGulch
FromGaltsGulch's picture

Could they issue straight preferred stock instead of doing a secondary stock offering?

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:52 | 1434059 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

The irony is that the friends of Ben are the only ones who know that those bonds are guaranteed.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:57 | 1434082 unununium
unununium's picture

I'll still take Greece at 30% over BAC at 3.75% any day.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 17:28 | 1434062 Hurdy Gurdy Man
Hurdy Gurdy Man's picture

Hmmm.  I wonder where Bank of America gets all that money.  Certainly not from the consumer.  Certainly not out of their pocket.  Oh, no...


This is a B of A internal fax.   It is about an account a customer had paid on incorrectly about, and complained about, *for years*, but B of A just stonewalled.  I know.  I was on the phone with them about this.  The person in question is older, and on SS.  Nobody wanted the case.  Everyone should pull their money from B of A right now.  Their integrity issues are incorrigible, institutionalized, and entirely malevolent.





Thu, 07/07/2011 - 16:56 | 1434076 unununium
unununium's picture

> So just when does the equity raise come?

Simultaneous with nationalization.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 17:00 | 1434095 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Moynihan,  hey, how are ya? This is your procurer.  I made the call and I have that professional you were looking for. She's real private about her comings and goings and won't agree to anything in advance so when you are ready, you have to make the call.  I can't find anything about her from John Anyone so I don't know what to tell you about discretion or safety issues.  The only thing I can find out is what you already know, her professional name. Nobody knows who her clients are, that is what I am trying to tell you. Are you sure you want to go through with this?  I am a little concerned with a name like Pandora'x Box.  Hey if you don't care, I don't care.  You just don't know me as per our contract.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 17:11 | 1434147 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

In the interim, Anthony Mozilo is working on that infamous tan of his.


Thu, 07/07/2011 - 17:11 | 1434148 chunga
chunga's picture

Ya just gotta love these banks...

Jailed for cashing Chase check at Chase bank


AUBURN, Wash. - Buying his own home was a big accomplishment for construction worker, Ikenna Njoku, of Auburn. He’s only 28 years old. “I was really excited. For the first time, I actually got to buy a lawn mower, mow my lawn and everything,” said Njoku.

Njoku qualified for the first time home buyer rebate on his tax return.

"It was really important, I had a vehicle I was looking on paying off," said. Njoku. And it wasn’t just any vehicle. “It was a 2001 Infinity I-30, silver…just like my favorite car, “he said.

Njoku signed up to have the rebate deposited directly into his Chase Bank account. But when the IRS rebate arrived, there was a problem. Chase had closed Njoku’s account because of overdrawn checks in the past. The bank deducted $600 to cover what he owed them and mailed him a cashier’s check for the difference--$8,463.21.

But when Njoku showed up at the Chase branch near his house intending to cash the check, he was in for a nasty surprise.

The check had Njoku’s name and address on it and was issued by JP Morgan Chase. But the Chase Customer Banker who handles large checks at the Auburn branch was immediately suspicious.

“I was embarrassed,” Njoku said. “She asked me what I did for a living. Asked me where I got the check from, looked me up and down—like ‘you just bought a house in Auburn, really?’ She didn’t believe that,” he said.

The Customer Banker said the check looked fake, so she took it, along with Njoku’s driver license and credit card, and called Bank Support.

After waiting for about 15 minutes, Njoku said he got impatient and told Chase he was leaving to do an important errand. By the time he got back, the bank was closed. Njoku said he called customer service and asked them what he should do. He says they told him to go back to the bank the next day to get his money.

But when Njoku arrived, it wasn’t the money that was waiting for him.

“They just threw me in jail; they called the police and said this guy has a fraudulent check,” Njoku said.

Auburn police arrested him for forgery - a felony crime.

“I was like - you’re making a mistake, you’re making a mistake, don’t take me to jail, I got work tomorrow. I can’t afford to miss work,” he said.

Njoku was taken to jail on June 24, 2010, which was a Thursday. The next day, Chase Special Investigations, realized it was a mistake. The check was legitimate. The Investigator called Auburn Police and left a message with the detective handling the case, but it was her day off. So Njoku stayed in jail for the entire weekend. Finally, on Monday, he was released.

Auburn Police Commander Dave Colglazier said Chase could have done a lot more to let them know they’d locked up an innocent man.

“We do have a main line that comes into our front office,” he said. “There are ways to reach someone 24/7 at a police department.”

For Njoku, going to jail for five days meant a lot more than just losing his freedom. He said the entire time he was “just stressed out…trying to figure out what was going on with my vehicle. I love my vehicle,” he said.

Njoku’s car had been towed from the bank parking lot and his check seized as evidence.

“I had to wait a couple of weeks,” he said, “and my car got sold, auctioned off."

Njoku says he didn’t have the money to pay the impound fees and fines to get his car back before it was sold. He said he also lost his job because he didn’t show up for work while he was in jail.

After all of that, Njoku said he never heard a word from Chase.



Thu, 07/07/2011 - 17:31 | 1434232 Hurdy Gurdy Man
Hurdy Gurdy Man's picture

what is it with banks in Washington State? 

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 17:55 | 1434296 mynhair
mynhair's picture

Cars don't get auctioned that fast in WA.  Story is BS.  I know, I had many towed parked at my building.  It's 90 days before they can petition.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 18:08 | 1434324 Hurdy Gurdy Man
Hurdy Gurdy Man's picture

perhaps he was waiting for swift judicial justice to balance the scales again to their rightful order before taking on another job


Thu, 07/07/2011 - 18:30 | 1434371 MachoMan
MachoMan's picture

Umm...  presuming this guy has any remote likeableness to him, he just hit the fucking payday of his life...  local jury vs. chase after they ass fuck this guy?  Granted, hopefully he didn't get cornholed in jail, but I would take that case in a heartbeat.

I'm also incredibly suspicious of the story...

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 19:00 | 1434384 chunga
chunga's picture

It does sound kind of flakey about the car...but so does getting jailed for cashing a check. Either way - none of it would surprise me.

I'm sticking with my presumption that Chase blows regardless...lol. I like my little Credit Union just fine.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 17:27 | 1434215 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Someone please comment on what, if any, impact this has on all that imaginary derivatives value?  Good to see B of A getting in on the bread and circuses.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 18:59 | 1434421 metastar
metastar's picture

Simply put, these guys are too big to be held accountable. Fine them. So what. The tax payer pays anyway.


The only way to hold them accountable is to hold the criminal, corrupt, and illegitimate government accountable.

Thu, 07/07/2011 - 20:48 | 1434643 PulauHantu29
PulauHantu29's picture

"Texas-Led Multistate Coalition Reaches $92 Million Settlement With JPMorgan Chase & Co.

Texas-based municipalities and nonprofit entities will receive approximately $3.5 million in restitution under agreement resolving JPMorgan’s anticompetitive municipal derivatives scheme"



Fri, 07/08/2011 - 07:48 | 1435478 BinAround
BinAround's picture

Issuing 5yr debt does nothing to improve tier one capital.  Tier One capital is "permanent capital", equity and preferred shares.  Debt is not included.  Raising this money is about liquidity and managing the sources of funding.



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