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(Bank Of) American Beauty - Q1 Trading Perfection

Tyler Durden's picture




 

And to complete this highly surreal day, we now learn that Bank of America (yes, Bank of America, the place where D-grade traders go to wither away and die and where insolvent banks go to get bailed out), posted a perfect trading record in Q1. Unreal.

Histogram of Daily Trading-Related Revenue

 

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Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:15 | 1244918 Sophist Economicus
Sophist Economicus's picture

I heard they're recruiting on Ivy League campuses now....

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:19 | 1244934 drink or die
drink or die's picture

The check I sent to the IRS was cashed at BoA.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:25 | 1244981 What_Me_Worry
What_Me_Worry's picture

The Fed invented extra cash and gave it to BofA.  BofA gave me a 0% 1 year cash advance(3% fee).  I buy options with it and monkey-pump my way to wealth.  I write a gigantic check to the treasury to pay for the gains and another to pay off my BofA balance.  Treasury gives the money to the Fed for interest payments.  Fed takes the money and gives it back to BofA.

The circle continues...

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 17:08 | 1245198 Dixie Rect
Dixie Rect's picture

Circle Jerk, that is.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 17:43 | 1245312 JW n FL
JW n FL's picture
Republican-controlled committee voted for a 18-month delay of regulations intended to reduce risk in OTC derivatives.
Fri, 05/06/2011 - 11:04 | 1247575 clinger9
clinger9's picture

funny thing is the mutual funds I own at GS and JP MORG, did not have such success this qQTR!!!

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:17 | 1244937 dryam
dryam's picture

No, the markets are not rigged. 

 

 

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:33 | 1245038 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

You forgot your sarcasm flags!

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:18 | 1244938 Gubbmint Cheese
Gubbmint Cheese's picture

I'm long flagpoles

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:20 | 1244939 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Self dealing and masturbation is always 100% successful. And completely satisfying I might add. Not that I.......well.....you know.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:26 | 1244986 wandstrasse
wandstrasse's picture

lucky one! my success rate with masturbation is only about 40%!

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:35 | 1245058 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Please report to your local Homeland Security office for retraining and reassignment. Thank you for your cooperation and have a nice day.

PS: Hands off the merchandise until you learn how to use it.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:51 | 1245128 drswhaley
drswhaley's picture

Mom walks in?  Take a break on Mother's Day.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 17:19 | 1245244 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Switch hands once in a while!

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:21 | 1244941 AR15AU
AR15AU's picture

Maybe their trades consist of nothing but writing 2012 puts on the 10 year...? Winning.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:19 | 1244947 somethingelse
somethingelse's picture

Everything You Need to Know to Trade in Bernanke's QEx Market, You Learned in Kindergarten

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:23 | 1244983 6 String
6 String's picture

You bet.

Ben, "I'm going to QE."

Trading desk, "Buy commodities on margin."

Ben, I'm not going to QE."

Trading desk, "Sell commodities on margin, fast."

Everything you ever needed to know about the markets you learned in PE.....errrr, I mean, QE.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 17:27 | 1245261 alexanderstollznow
alexanderstollznow's picture

you missed something...

BB never said there would be QE3.  that was a lot of cranks on a financial markets blog site.

 

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:20 | 1244957 6 String
6 String's picture

...and to top it off: Russell 2000 up afterhours. Tomorrow goes to be a huge day for equities.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:20 | 1244959 JP McManus
JP McManus's picture

Selling assets (worth pennies on the dollar) at par = winning.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:24 | 1244992 AldoHux_IV
AldoHux_IV's picture

Hahaha, case in point-- whether it's Goldman, JPM, Citi, BofA, or whoever else sucks the teet of the fed which is nothing more than a filter that transfers the blood of the masses into play tokens for the TBTF's-- the markets are broke, the financial system is broke, the whole damn system is broke, and we let them get away with it day in and day out.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:30 | 1245023 FunkyMonkeyBoy
FunkyMonkeyBoy's picture

I'd like to take a quick poll if i may... hands up if you still don't think the U.S. is a Fascist country?

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:30 | 1245036 6 String
6 String's picture

....more people in prison per capita than any country in the world.

It's total tyranny.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:34 | 1245045 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Long since a tyranny.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 17:34 | 1245281 anony
anony's picture

Has been, ever since Jackson and Lincoln forced this so-called union to stay slaved together. 

Secession, if permitted to go ahead by a third or more of our states would have provided us with at least 2 and maybe 3 countries by now to emigrate to, which would have precluded a FED with control of a single multi-trillion dollar economy that affects 320,000,000 legal and another who knows how many illegal citizens.

 At least Jackson knew about the threat that Central banking posed and had it stopped. Lincoln instead, instituted income taxes to pay for his war.

"Sic Semper Tyrannis!"

Booth was about 4 years too late.

 

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:29 | 1245028 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

can someone explain how this is taking place?  someone that actually knows WTF they are talking about would be nice, but absolutely not a requirement

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:51 | 1245126 babylon15
babylon15's picture

My guess is that these are not what we would consider "trades". Many derivatives are thinly traded, often going days (sometimes weeks, months) without a quote. So banks just make up some number that they *think* a derivative contract is worth, even when there is no willing buyer at that price and no trade occurs.

Banks also do legit trading, evidenced by reality when Barclays shut down all its yen-related market making algos post-Fukushima (presumably because of epic losses). However, legit trading most likely tracks the market as a whole because banks are so big, and having an edge with $1 trillion in assets is nearly impossible.

At the end of the quarter you have two numbers: one made up number for derivatives (A), and one real number for legit trading (B). The perfect quarter is a foregone conclusion, so at the end of the quarter banks work backwards and revise (A) so that A + B > 0 for every day of the quarter.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 17:03 | 1245163 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Could have spared all that writing with just stating the obvious:

F-R-A-U-D

White collar crime is the El-Iranian "New Normal".

 

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 17:59 | 1245370 ZeroPower
ZeroPower's picture

Flow trading.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 16:55 | 1245138 I Am The Unknow...
I Am The Unknown Comic's picture

Shall this fraud know no end?

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 17:00 | 1245155 Use of Weapons
Use of Weapons's picture

I'm guessing that in the US non-physical markets, the quoted figure of 80-85% HFT driven trading is actually a little low; Or, to answer this another way - BoA is "in the in crowd" and is sharing the same servers / software that the Squids are, a pay off for their sterling services, HB Gary advice and mural dedication to the art world.

Translation:

 

They can't not win, their contract says otherwise.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 17:32 | 1245256 alexanderstollznow
alexanderstollznow's picture

sounds like there is a major disconnect between the making money every day of the month, and the staffed by D grade traders notion?

must be very galling for some.

what might come as a great surprise to many is that banks dont actually make a lot their income through trading, and in the longer run wont be making any of it that way.  has anyone here heard about that?   not big news, but i would think the ZH faithful who have their ears to the ground, might have heard about this.

the banks income actually comes from providing financial services.  radical concept, i know.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 17:37 | 1245289 NOTW777
NOTW777's picture

unreal - kaminsky on cnbc telling people to follow buffets advice on trading silver -

dont;  all these after the fact experts who completely missed the monster move and now they say stay away

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 18:01 | 1245374 87GN
87GN's picture

You mean you guys didn't have a perfect trading record? I did... put all my money into Silver :) Maybe I should login to my waterhouse account and bask in my glory :)

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 19:01 | 1245578 Sigma X
Sigma X's picture

Whats with the D grade snark?  I personally carried a C minus average and I traded  at BofA...  Many of the smartest guys in the room there you know.

 

Only missed the Captcha 2x

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 21:24 | 1246080 Gold 36000
Gold 36000's picture

So many targets.  So little gasoline.  Gold 36000 for president.

Thu, 05/05/2011 - 21:39 | 1246110 JGambolputty
JGambolputty's picture

See, this guy with an English accent stopped in to Charlotte early in January and told them about this great investment, called CDS's, where they get paid a fixed amount every month, no matter what! And, the beauty part is, they don't need to pay anything for it!  He also said something about having to do this before July 21, so they hurried it up.

Fri, 05/06/2011 - 03:19 | 1246575 Coldfire
Coldfire's picture

What are the odds? //sarc

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