Bloomterd's Equity Trading Recap: "Near Panic" On NYSE As Stocks Almost Close Lower

Tyler Durden's picture

h/t John Lohman

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cougar_w's picture

epic lulz

Poor W&R are the joke goat 4 evar.

Broken_Trades's picture

Jesse Ventura to Sue the TSA over unconstitutional screenings and pat downs.

Henry Chinaski's picture

Good schtuff.  Watch The-State-Of-The-Union address because nobody in the media wants you to see it.  They have already told you what you will see.  Not that it matters...

Turd Ferguson's picture

Uhhh, Tyler...Turd is spelled with a "U" not an "E". Trust me on this one, buddy.

Coldfire's picture

I thought maybe TD meant Bloom'tard...

Malcolm Tucker's picture

Twitter reports that Egyptian workers at Heathrow spotted Mubarak's wife arriving in London!

Plus videos of the protests at night and ruling party members burning their membership cards!

spekulatn's picture

Mucho, mucho love de bloomterd!!

whatz that smell's picture

dead. the. fuld. on. please keep me updated on the crash that dare not utter it's name. oh yeah, and tell that fuking midget G.G. i miss his sister.

praise be the bernank. may he ease a thousand years.

Don Smith's picture

So the new salutation is "Ease be with you..." "And also with you..."?

Yen Cross's picture

Bund vs EU spreads after Obama.(respect for the moment, Ladies &Gents) I trade 24-7.

We can peel the Orange After wards. Thank you!

Rainman's picture

A bottlerocket into the close. Situation normal. The audience applauds with glee !!

Bárðarbunga's picture

Bloomterd. Onion. Yes, very funny.

I'll let BillyBanzai keep making the jokes around here.

Cdad's picture


WTF?  WTF is this?  Are you testing me?  Are you provoking me?  Shall I write martini induced tirades all through the night?

WTF is this?

curious Cdad



LOL!  You nailed me there...reading just one paragraph less than the full story.  You bastage!

Gordon Freeman's picture

Wild, wacky stuff...

LooseLee's picture

Like many on this forum keep saying; there's a sucker born every minute. Buying at the top is the trademark of a fool. In America fools are behind most everything anymore; especially this communist stock market. TPTB, in their infinite ignorance and immorality, are pulling out ALL of the stops to regain the CONfidence of the sheeple. I fear they are succeeding and boobusamericanus will cement his servitude to the bankers and politicians forever. It is a sad time for those who are awake......

molecool's picture

LMAO - four March e-minis - I haven't laughed that hard in a while :-)

buzzsaw99's picture

"It wasn't pretty, but it was green" said Gay Doll, chief strategist with Blacknut Advisors.



Salinger's picture

truth is stranger than ficition as Bloomberg is actually rapidly descending into becoming Bloomterd

one of their political reporters (Juliana Goldman) today reflected on tonight's big speech  and  actually referred to the Repubs as the party of no - and this AM Ritholtz aka Doug Kass wannabe was the co-host - I'm actually thinking about checking out CNBS again


obviously someone there got the memo from Bermuda


hambone's picture

So f'ing funny cause it's so true...anymore, fake news is "realer" than real news.

And for anyone who wanted to know who controls the market and for what purposes, todays close in front of tonights SOTU...this was exhibit A.

bulldung's picture

+1000. Could not close down, the speech was already loaded into the teleprompter.

Hedge Jobs's picture

You guys do make me laugh!

this post alone is worth a donation.

Misean's picture

I bought those two shares...dammit!

Lady Heather...UNCLE's picture

...the Dow closed down!!...that bloody Waddell and Read rumour!!!

apberusdisvet's picture

Hilarious comments by the nerds devoid of critical reason, but allowed to snort a line every hour.

Yen Cross's picture

   did ya see those b/c ratios and outside bids on 2's. 35b manana.

EscapeKey's picture

Well, just as we all know the housing market "never went down" back in 2006, and the Dow Jones "never goes down" here in 2011.

Either an absolute mockery of "free market", or clear cut sign of rising inflation expectation.

Brokenarrow's picture

I think ZH is an insighful, well written, fully researched, smart site----that had you taken them literally? You would have missed 2000 dow pts.


Keep reading them, stay long, and enjoy a ride to dow 13000 by June.


I agree with everything they say. Just dont do what they say.

topcallingtroll's picture

Keep it up and the guys living in mommas basement hoping for a collapse of the stock market will start junking you.

topcallingtroll's picture

I have to disagree though with your reckless permabulism because i believe a minor correction is in the works the next couple of months. Funny article though.

lunaticfringe's picture

Dude, are you nucking futs? This is the Bernank call. You can't miss. Any dip gets bought with make believe money. Seriously might wanna see a shrink or something.

UncleFester's picture

Ummmm...he is not the bottomcallingtroll?

breezer1's picture

i find many of the 'real' posts and articles here even funnier.


Ricky Roma's picture

LMFAO!!!  To The Bernank:

Ricky Roma: "WHAT YOU'RE HIRED FOR, is to help us... does that seem clear to you? TO HELP US, not to... FUCK-US-UP... to help those who are going out there to try to earn a living... You fairy. You company man."

RobotTrader's picture


Market seems to be gunned by high powered robots on LSD these days.

By the way, JNPR trading as if it were on Meth...

It gapped down after earnings AH, now it has reversed and is flying.

Looks like the CSCO gap will be erased.

Boilermaker's picture

<rolling eyes>

Please, go fuck yourself.

topcallingtroll's picture

Generally gaps are. Reasonable call.from robo.

max2205's picture

Down 0.5% is the new flash crash. Honestly this is so rigged. A blow down will make 400 NYSE traders have strokes behind Pissonme as we watch CNBS

I was looking at the tape and thought we were down at least 2% then I looked and we we're down 0.5%. I covered.

Dapper Dan's picture

Vinnie Scarembino?

Dad told me "never trust a man who's last name ends in a vowel"