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Bloomterd's Equity Trading Recap: "Near Panic" On NYSE As Stocks Almost Close Lower

Tyler Durden's picture




 

h/t John Lohman

 

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Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:45 | 904258 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

epic lulz

Poor W&R are the joke goat 4 evar.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:21 | 904339 Broken_Trades
Broken_Trades's picture

Jesse Ventura to Sue the TSA over unconstitutional screenings and pat downs.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41242600/ns/travel-news/

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:31 | 904360 Henry Chinaski
Henry Chinaski's picture

Good schtuff.  Watch The-State-Of-The-Union address because nobody in the media wants you to see it.  They have already told you what you will see.  Not that it matters...

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:48 | 904683 Turd Ferguson
Turd Ferguson's picture

Uhhh, Tyler...Turd is spelled with a "U" not an "E". Trust me on this one, buddy.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 22:11 | 904763 Coldfire
Coldfire's picture

I thought maybe TD meant Bloom'tard...

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:44 | 904260 Malcolm Tucker
Malcolm Tucker's picture

Twitter reports that Egyptian workers at Heathrow spotted Mubarak's wife arriving in London!

Plus videos of the protests at night and ruling party members burning their membership cards!

http://fedupmontrealer.blogspot.com/2011/01/egypt-boiling-over-at-night.html

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:44 | 904261 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

Here it comes:

http://fotosa.ru/stock_photo/ImageSource/p_1800906.jpg

That is stagflation.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:55 | 904283 andybev01
andybev01's picture

stop, yer killin' me!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:57 | 904292 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

Thanks!  Good to see ya, Andy!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 23:53 | 905192 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Classic CB, just classic!

Wed, 01/26/2011 - 09:40 | 905764 BigJim
BigJim's picture

:-)

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:45 | 904262 spekulatn
spekulatn's picture

Mucho, mucho love de bloomterd!!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:45 | 904265 whatz that smell
whatz that smell's picture

dead. the. fuld. on. please keep me updated on the crash that dare not utter it's name. oh yeah, and tell that fuking midget G.G. i miss his sister.

praise be the bernank. may he ease a thousand years.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:04 | 904312 Don Smith
Don Smith's picture

So the new salutation is "Ease be with you..." "And also with you..."?

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:52 | 904527 I Am The Unknow...
I Am The Unknown Comic's picture

At ease, gentlemen

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:46 | 904267 Ragnarok
Ragnarok's picture

Snicker...

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:46 | 904269 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Bund vs EU spreads after Obama.(respect for the moment, Ladies &Gents) I trade 24-7.

We can peel the Orange After wards. Thank you!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:47 | 904270 Rainman
Rainman's picture

A bottlerocket into the close. Situation normal. The audience applauds with glee !!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:47 | 904271 Bárðarbunga
Bárðarbunga's picture

Bloomterd. Onion. Yes, very funny.

I'll let BillyBanzai keep making the jokes around here.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:48 | 904273 monopoly
monopoly's picture

LMAOLOLOLOL

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:50 | 904276 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Tyler,

WTF?  WTF is this?  Are you testing me?  Are you provoking me?  Shall I write martini induced tirades all through the night?

WTF is this?

curious Cdad

 

Additional:

LOL!  You nailed me there...reading just one paragraph less than the full story.  You bastage!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:53 | 904281 pistachio
Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:55 | 904284 Gordon Freeman
Gordon Freeman's picture

Wild, wacky stuff...

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:55 | 904285 LooseLee
LooseLee's picture

Like many on this forum keep saying; there's a sucker born every minute. Buying at the top is the trademark of a fool. In America fools are behind most everything anymore; especially this communist stock market. TPTB, in their infinite ignorance and immorality, are pulling out ALL of the stops to regain the CONfidence of the sheeple. I fear they are succeeding and boobusamericanus will cement his servitude to the bankers and politicians forever. It is a sad time for those who are awake......

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:55 | 904287 Ras Bongo
Ras Bongo's picture

Hillarious!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:56 | 904290 molecool
molecool's picture

LMAO - four March e-minis - I haven't laughed that hard in a while :-)

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:58 | 904295 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

"It wasn't pretty, but it was green" said Gay Doll, chief strategist with Blacknut Advisors.

 

lolololololololol!!!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:00 | 904296 Salinger
Salinger's picture

truth is stranger than ficition as Bloomberg is actually rapidly descending into becoming Bloomterd

one of their political reporters (Juliana Goldman) today reflected on tonight's big speech  and  actually referred to the Repubs as the party of no - and this AM Ritholtz aka Doug Kass wannabe was the co-host - I'm actually thinking about checking out CNBS again

 

obviously someone there got the memo from Bermuda

 

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:02 | 904301 hambone
hambone's picture

So f'ing funny cause it's so true...anymore, fake news is "realer" than real news.

And for anyone who wanted to know who controls the market and for what purposes, todays close in front of tonights SOTU...this was exhibit A.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 22:54 | 904965 bulldung
bulldung's picture

+1000. Could not close down, the speech was already loaded into the teleprompter.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:00 | 904304 Hedge Jobs
Hedge Jobs's picture

You guys do make me laugh!

this post alone is worth a donation.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:01 | 904306 Misean
Misean's picture

I bought those two shares...dammit!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:01 | 904308 Lady Heather...UNCLE
Lady Heather...UNCLE's picture

...the Dow closed down!!...that bloody Waddell and Read rumour!!!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:03 | 904310 apberusdisvet
apberusdisvet's picture

Hilarious comments by the nerds devoid of critical reason, but allowed to snort a line every hour.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:05 | 904314 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

   did ya see those b/c ratios and outside bids on 2's. 35b manana.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:07 | 904318 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

Well, just as we all know the housing market "never went down" back in 2006, and the Dow Jones "never goes down" here in 2011.

Either an absolute mockery of "free market", or clear cut sign of rising inflation expectation.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:13 | 904328 agrotera
agrotera's picture

priceless!!!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:31 | 904358 Brokenarrow
Brokenarrow's picture

I think ZH is an insighful, well written, fully researched, smart site----that had you taken them literally? You would have missed 2000 dow pts.

 

Keep reading them, stay long, and enjoy a ride to dow 13000 by June.

 

I agree with everything they say. Just dont do what they say.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:19 | 904469 topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

Keep it up and the guys living in mommas basement hoping for a collapse of the stock market will start junking you.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:23 | 904477 topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

I have to disagree though with your reckless permabulism because i believe a minor correction is in the works the next couple of months. Funny article though.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:09 | 904568 lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

Dude, are you nucking futs? This is the Bernank call. You can't miss. Any dip gets bought with make believe money. Seriously dude...you might wanna see a shrink or something.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:51 | 904695 UncleFester
UncleFester's picture

Ummmm...he is not the bottomcallingtroll?

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:34 | 904365 Mike2756
Mike2756's picture

You lie!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:35 | 904367 breezer1
breezer1's picture

i find many of the 'real' posts and articles here even funnier.

+1000

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:35 | 904368 Ricky Roma
Ricky Roma's picture

LMFAO!!!  To The Bernank:

Ricky Roma: "WHAT YOU'RE HIRED FOR, is to help us... does that seem clear to you? TO HELP US, not to... FUCK-US-UP... to help those who are going out there to try to earn a living... You fairy. You company man."

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:35 | 904369 RobotTrader
RobotTrader's picture

Hilarious.

Market seems to be gunned by high powered robots on LSD these days.

By the way, JNPR trading as if it were on Meth...

It gapped down after earnings AH, now it has reversed and is flying.

Looks like the CSCO gap will be erased.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:49 | 904388 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

<rolling eyes>

Please, go fuck yourself.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:15 | 904459 topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

Generally gaps are. Reasonable call.from robo.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:39 | 904373 max2205
max2205's picture

Down 0.5% is the new flash crash. Honestly this is so rigged. A blow down will make 400 NYSE traders have strokes behind Pissonme as we watch CNBS

I was looking at the tape and thought we were down at least 2% then I looked and we we're down 0.5%. I covered.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:48 | 904385 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture

Vinnie Scarembino?

Dad told me "never trust a man who's last name ends in a vowel"

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:49 | 904387 DJIA36000
DJIA36000's picture

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!  Funny and true.  Its funny because its true.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DYje57V_BY

Dow 36,000.  No corrections, no sell-offs.  Going straight up.  Buy all you can and enjoy the ride.  Never seeing a correction ever again.  

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:50 | 904392 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

I'm waiting to see the jack job on sportscenter tonight.  That has to be the play of the day.

My god...seriously, how much fucking worse can this garbage get?

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:53 | 904399 gwar5
gwar5's picture

That's hysterical -- Bloomterd's, terrifying session.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:31 | 904495 InconvenientCou...
InconvenientCounterParty's picture

The Onion does satire. This is too close to reality to be satire.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:33 | 904507 Convolved Man
Convolved Man's picture

I thought the panicking CNBC Closing Bell commentators tweeting "S O S" (Save Our Stocks) faster than the wireless operator on the floundering Titanic saved the close.  Didn't one of the tweet scanning NYSE HFTs pop IBM just before the close?

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:45 | 904513 lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

Each day I try to post an over/over.

What has been really been annoying is listening to these junior traders telling us shit we already know. It is painful. It's like a room full of kids at a pomo party living in some bizarro world like the matrix.

I view the stock market as simply another commodity. The rise is directly proportionate to the dollar's lost buying power.. It has nothing to do with demand.

It's like saying ok I am tired of us all croaking at 80. Let's reconfigure the calendar to show that every year only lasts 6 mo...that way we can all live to be 160. The actuaries would then charge us double for life insurance because we would be living so much longer. Woohoo!

 

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:50 | 904520 rubearish10
rubearish10's picture

Yeah and BDI has to invert before anyone notices...another 4% lower tonight.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:58 | 904530 Leo Kolivakis
Leo Kolivakis's picture

Check out the REAL action in Chinese solars:

And the best slider for last:

Wanna bet they'll all move straight back up tomorrow?

 

 

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:29 | 904617 DavidC
DavidC's picture

This was on the BBC some years ago now - The Day Today - prescient or what?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9_fBDDTIuI

DavidC

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 22:02 | 904727 UncleFester
UncleFester's picture

"...down a nundred against the bitch."  LOL

 

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:45 | 904670 sellstop
sellstop's picture

The trend in the stock indexes is UP.

That is a fact. I have learned that is a fools game to try to pick tops and bottoms.(smelly fingers!)

Why do the indexes keep going up? Who the hell knows! Maybe it is just cheap money.Maybe the economy will recover. Maybe it is you top pickers covering your shorts all the time. Who the fuck knows.

But, if you  want to make money. Stay with the trend.

Yea, I have been feeling bearish lately. Those recent distribution days have me thinking of tops. I even have some shorts on. But I was buying gold stocks today, covered my silver shorts, and am long banks. Stock should have went down today, but they didn't. That makes me sit up and take notice.

You can laugh at the little guys buying late. but there are alot of them. They are the economy. Don't forget that. They are the economy.

And then there is the oil thing. What China doesn't use, we get to use. All we need right now is cheap energy to goose this economy. There is a flood of money waiting to break loose from the dams. All it takes is cheap (relatively) gas thrown into this economy and it will take off.

Don't fight it.....

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:55 | 904707 lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

Pizza with your koolaid?

Wed, 01/26/2011 - 03:57 | 905496 Lord Koos
Lord Koos's picture

"All it takes is cheap (relatively) gas thrown into this economy and it will take off."

Yeah, that's going to happen...

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:49 | 904688 lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

So the other day, I walked into my favorite pizza joint. The only guy working was a guy I recognized immediately...the Bernank. He had a paper hat on.

I ordered a large. The Bernank asked whether I wanted my pizza sliced into 8 pieces or 16. I asked why. He said it was like two for one. The 16 piece pizza offered twice as much. This made sense so I said sure. The kid behind me asked Bernank if he could whack it into twenty four because he was really hungry. The Bernank just smirked and said, "sure kid."

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 22:31 | 904853 Hook Line and S...
Hook Line and Sphincter's picture

The ZerohedgeEnquirer 

'Because un-enquiring minds need to be suckered'

Wed, 01/26/2011 - 00:32 | 905261 Eric The Red
Eric The Red's picture

High Friking Larious

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!