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Bloomterd's Equity Trading Recap: "Near Panic" On NYSE As Stocks Almost Close Lower

Tyler Durden's picture


h/t John Lohman


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Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:45 | Link to Comment cougar_w
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epic lulz

Poor W&R are the joke goat 4 evar.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:21 | Link to Comment Broken_Trades
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Jesse Ventura to Sue the TSA over unconstitutional screenings and pat downs.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:31 | Link to Comment Henry Chinaski
Henry Chinaski's picture

Good schtuff.  Watch The-State-Of-The-Union address because nobody in the media wants you to see it.  They have already told you what you will see.  Not that it matters...

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:48 | Link to Comment Turd Ferguson
Turd Ferguson's picture

Uhhh, Tyler...Turd is spelled with a "U" not an "E". Trust me on this one, buddy.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 22:11 | Link to Comment Coldfire
Coldfire's picture

I thought maybe TD meant Bloom'tard...

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:44 | Link to Comment Malcolm Tucker
Malcolm Tucker's picture

Twitter reports that Egyptian workers at Heathrow spotted Mubarak's wife arriving in London!

Plus videos of the protests at night and ruling party members burning their membership cards!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:44 | Link to Comment Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

Here it comes:

That is stagflation.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:55 | Link to Comment andybev01
andybev01's picture

stop, yer killin' me!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:57 | Link to Comment Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

Thanks!  Good to see ya, Andy!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 23:53 | Link to Comment LongSoupLine
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Classic CB, just classic!

Wed, 01/26/2011 - 09:40 | Link to Comment BigJim
BigJim's picture


Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:45 | Link to Comment spekulatn
spekulatn's picture

Mucho, mucho love de bloomterd!!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:45 | Link to Comment whatz that smell
whatz that smell's picture

dead. the. fuld. on. please keep me updated on the crash that dare not utter it's name. oh yeah, and tell that fuking midget G.G. i miss his sister.

praise be the bernank. may he ease a thousand years.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:04 | Link to Comment Don Smith
Don Smith's picture

So the new salutation is "Ease be with you..." "And also with you..."?

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:52 | Link to Comment I Am The Unknow...
I Am The Unknown Comic's picture

At ease, gentlemen

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:46 | Link to Comment Ragnarok
Ragnarok's picture


Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:46 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Bund vs EU spreads after Obama.(respect for the moment, Ladies &Gents) I trade 24-7.

We can peel the Orange After wards. Thank you!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:47 | Link to Comment Rainman
Rainman's picture

A bottlerocket into the close. Situation normal. The audience applauds with glee !!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:47 | Link to Comment Bárðarbunga
Bárðarbunga's picture

Bloomterd. Onion. Yes, very funny.

I'll let BillyBanzai keep making the jokes around here.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:48 | Link to Comment monopoly
monopoly's picture


Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:50 | Link to Comment Cdad
Cdad's picture


WTF?  WTF is this?  Are you testing me?  Are you provoking me?  Shall I write martini induced tirades all through the night?

WTF is this?

curious Cdad



LOL!  You nailed me there...reading just one paragraph less than the full story.  You bastage!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:53 | Link to Comment pistachio
Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:55 | Link to Comment Gordon Freeman
Gordon Freeman's picture

Wild, wacky stuff...

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:55 | Link to Comment LooseLee
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Like many on this forum keep saying; there's a sucker born every minute. Buying at the top is the trademark of a fool. In America fools are behind most everything anymore; especially this communist stock market. TPTB, in their infinite ignorance and immorality, are pulling out ALL of the stops to regain the CONfidence of the sheeple. I fear they are succeeding and boobusamericanus will cement his servitude to the bankers and politicians forever. It is a sad time for those who are awake......

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:55 | Link to Comment Ras Bongo
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Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:56 | Link to Comment molecool
molecool's picture

LMAO - four March e-minis - I haven't laughed that hard in a while :-)

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 18:58 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
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"It wasn't pretty, but it was green" said Gay Doll, chief strategist with Blacknut Advisors.



Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:00 | Link to Comment Salinger
Salinger's picture

truth is stranger than ficition as Bloomberg is actually rapidly descending into becoming Bloomterd

one of their political reporters (Juliana Goldman) today reflected on tonight's big speech  and  actually referred to the Repubs as the party of no - and this AM Ritholtz aka Doug Kass wannabe was the co-host - I'm actually thinking about checking out CNBS again


obviously someone there got the memo from Bermuda


Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:02 | Link to Comment hambone
hambone's picture

So f'ing funny cause it's so true...anymore, fake news is "realer" than real news.

And for anyone who wanted to know who controls the market and for what purposes, todays close in front of tonights SOTU...this was exhibit A.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 22:54 | Link to Comment bulldung
bulldung's picture

+1000. Could not close down, the speech was already loaded into the teleprompter.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:00 | Link to Comment Hedge Jobs
Hedge Jobs's picture

You guys do make me laugh!

this post alone is worth a donation.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:01 | Link to Comment Misean
Misean's picture

I bought those two shares...dammit!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:01 | Link to Comment Lady Heather...UNCLE
Lady Heather...UNCLE's picture

...the Dow closed down!!...that bloody Waddell and Read rumour!!!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:03 | Link to Comment apberusdisvet
apberusdisvet's picture

Hilarious comments by the nerds devoid of critical reason, but allowed to snort a line every hour.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:05 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

   did ya see those b/c ratios and outside bids on 2's. 35b manana.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:07 | Link to Comment EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

Well, just as we all know the housing market "never went down" back in 2006, and the Dow Jones "never goes down" here in 2011.

Either an absolute mockery of "free market", or clear cut sign of rising inflation expectation.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:13 | Link to Comment agrotera
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Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:31 | Link to Comment Brokenarrow
Brokenarrow's picture

I think ZH is an insighful, well written, fully researched, smart site----that had you taken them literally? You would have missed 2000 dow pts.


Keep reading them, stay long, and enjoy a ride to dow 13000 by June.


I agree with everything they say. Just dont do what they say.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:19 | Link to Comment topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

Keep it up and the guys living in mommas basement hoping for a collapse of the stock market will start junking you.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:23 | Link to Comment topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

I have to disagree though with your reckless permabulism because i believe a minor correction is in the works the next couple of months. Funny article though.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:09 | Link to Comment lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

Dude, are you nucking futs? This is the Bernank call. You can't miss. Any dip gets bought with make believe money. Seriously might wanna see a shrink or something.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:51 | Link to Comment UncleFester
UncleFester's picture

Ummmm...he is not the bottomcallingtroll?

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:34 | Link to Comment Mike2756
Mike2756's picture

You lie!

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:35 | Link to Comment breezer1
breezer1's picture

i find many of the 'real' posts and articles here even funnier.


Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:35 | Link to Comment Ricky Roma
Ricky Roma's picture

LMFAO!!!  To The Bernank:

Ricky Roma: "WHAT YOU'RE HIRED FOR, is to help us... does that seem clear to you? TO HELP US, not to... FUCK-US-UP... to help those who are going out there to try to earn a living... You fairy. You company man."

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:35 | Link to Comment RobotTrader
RobotTrader's picture


Market seems to be gunned by high powered robots on LSD these days.

By the way, JNPR trading as if it were on Meth...

It gapped down after earnings AH, now it has reversed and is flying.

Looks like the CSCO gap will be erased.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:49 | Link to Comment Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

<rolling eyes>

Please, go fuck yourself.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:15 | Link to Comment topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

Generally gaps are. Reasonable call.from robo.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:39 | Link to Comment max2205
max2205's picture

Down 0.5% is the new flash crash. Honestly this is so rigged. A blow down will make 400 NYSE traders have strokes behind Pissonme as we watch CNBS

I was looking at the tape and thought we were down at least 2% then I looked and we we're down 0.5%. I covered.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:48 | Link to Comment Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture

Vinnie Scarembino?

Dad told me "never trust a man who's last name ends in a vowel"

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:49 | Link to Comment DJIA36000
DJIA36000's picture

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!  Funny and true.  Its funny because its true.

Dow 36,000.  No corrections, no sell-offs.  Going straight up.  Buy all you can and enjoy the ride.  Never seeing a correction ever again.  

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:50 | Link to Comment Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

I'm waiting to see the jack job on sportscenter tonight.  That has to be the play of the day.

My god...seriously, how much fucking worse can this garbage get?

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 19:53 | Link to Comment gwar5
gwar5's picture

That's hysterical -- Bloomterd's, terrifying session.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:31 | Link to Comment InconvenientCou...
InconvenientCounterParty's picture

The Onion does satire. This is too close to reality to be satire.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:33 | Link to Comment Convolved Man
Convolved Man's picture

I thought the panicking CNBC Closing Bell commentators tweeting "S O S" (Save Our Stocks) faster than the wireless operator on the floundering Titanic saved the close.  Didn't one of the tweet scanning NYSE HFTs pop IBM just before the close?

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:45 | Link to Comment lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

Each day I try to post an over/over.

What has been really been annoying is listening to these junior traders telling us shit we already know. It is painful. It's like a room full of kids at a pomo party living in some bizarro world like the matrix.

I view the stock market as simply another commodity. The rise is directly proportionate to the dollar's lost buying power.. It has nothing to do with demand.

It's like saying ok I am tired of us all croaking at 80. Let's reconfigure the calendar to show that every year only lasts 6 mo...that way we can all live to be 160. The actuaries would then charge us double for life insurance because we would be living so much longer. Woohoo!


Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:50 | Link to Comment rubearish10
rubearish10's picture

Yeah and BDI has to invert before anyone notices...another 4% lower tonight.

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 20:58 | Link to Comment Leo Kolivakis
Leo Kolivakis's picture

Check out the REAL action in Chinese solars:

And the best slider for last:

Wanna bet they'll all move straight back up tomorrow?



Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:29 | Link to Comment DavidC
DavidC's picture

This was on the BBC some years ago now - The Day Today - prescient or what?!


Tue, 01/25/2011 - 22:02 | Link to Comment UncleFester
UncleFester's picture

"...down a nundred against the bitch."  LOL


Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:45 | Link to Comment sellstop
sellstop's picture

The trend in the stock indexes is UP.

That is a fact. I have learned that is a fools game to try to pick tops and bottoms.(smelly fingers!)

Why do the indexes keep going up? Who the hell knows! Maybe it is just cheap money.Maybe the economy will recover. Maybe it is you top pickers covering your shorts all the time. Who the fuck knows.

But, if you  want to make money. Stay with the trend.

Yea, I have been feeling bearish lately. Those recent distribution days have me thinking of tops. I even have some shorts on. But I was buying gold stocks today, covered my silver shorts, and am long banks. Stock should have went down today, but they didn't. That makes me sit up and take notice.

You can laugh at the little guys buying late. but there are alot of them. They are the economy. Don't forget that. They are the economy.

And then there is the oil thing. What China doesn't use, we get to use. All we need right now is cheap energy to goose this economy. There is a flood of money waiting to break loose from the dams. All it takes is cheap (relatively) gas thrown into this economy and it will take off.

Don't fight it.....

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:55 | Link to Comment lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

Pizza with your koolaid?

Wed, 01/26/2011 - 03:57 | Link to Comment Lord Koos
Lord Koos's picture

"All it takes is cheap (relatively) gas thrown into this economy and it will take off."

Yeah, that's going to happen...

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 21:49 | Link to Comment lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

So the other day, I walked into my favorite pizza joint. The only guy working was a guy I recognized immediately...the Bernank. He had a paper hat on.

I ordered a large. The Bernank asked whether I wanted my pizza sliced into 8 pieces or 16. I asked why. He said it was like two for one. The 16 piece pizza offered twice as much. This made sense so I said sure. The kid behind me asked Bernank if he could whack it into twenty four because he was really hungry. The Bernank just smirked and said, "sure kid."

Tue, 01/25/2011 - 22:31 | Link to Comment Hook Line and S...
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The ZerohedgeEnquirer 

'Because un-enquiring minds need to be suckered'

Wed, 01/26/2011 - 00:32 | Link to Comment Eric The Red
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High Friking Larious

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!