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Bored? Let's Go Chase Some Waitresses

RobotTrader's picture




 

Traders were sitting at their desks watching listless action on the NYSE today.  What do you do if you are a restless and bored hedge fund manager with billions under management?  You do like Tiger Woods does.  Go find some cheap $8/hr. waitresses to chase.

And that is exactly what they did.  Check out the cheapies getting gunned today.

Qwest and Sprint getting some love today

I mean, really.  You mean to tell me you can't find anything more worthwhile to chase than some burned out single mom making $8/hr. waiting tables in Ocala, FL??

 

 

And hey, if that isn't good enough, then how about some broken down media companies like Comcast?  Are they going to dump CNBC and replace it with a porn channel or what??

Couldn't find much else happening today.  Da Boyz must be out Christmas shopping or something.

Wonder what Tiger Woods is going to be doing over the holidays???

Now that his marriage is busted, his Dubai venture vaporized, he's going to be speed dialing one of the 7 mistresses now identified.

Here's a nice shot of one of them.....

 

Think you have it bad?

Imagine having to deal with this one.

Tiger's mother-in-law....

No wonder he was boozing....

 

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Mon, 12/07/2009 - 16:48 | 155754 Orly
Orly's picture

Ouch!

That hadda hurt.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 16:52 | 155757 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

No, that's Lloyd B. playing dress up.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 17:00 | 155766 Smokey
Smokey's picture

PM deja vu.

going up...........

going up..............

boom - shriveled back into submission.

I didn't deserve that.

 

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 17:02 | 155770 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Y'got something with a Nurse Nasty disguise?

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 17:03 | 155773 Rainman
Rainman's picture

And the wife often grows up to look/act/sound just like the mother-in-law.

Dudes need to be very aware of this. The future is hidden in plain fright....er, sight.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 20:08 | 155988 Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

ouch...some of us look like our fathers...

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 21:37 | 156066 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Motorcycle, as we used to say. If you wouldn't mind tapping the elder version as well, you've got a keeper.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 17:05 | 155777 alphacharlie6
alphacharlie6's picture

Women and whores brought Solomon himself to utter ruin.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 18:32 | 155873 Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

That's exactly right alphacharlie. Tiger is getting what he deserves. How many successful men were brought down by chasing the kitty kat ? As for me, I would rather chase my personal trainer at Golds Gym that some fi dolla ho at Blue Martini.

http://photo.mensfitnessmagazine.co.uk/images/library_UK_12/mens_fitness_magazine_uk_october_2009_6136_13.jpg

Looks like Intel is getting fat and happy to the benefit of NVDA which had a nice gap but no trading action. Even AMD is back from the dead.

 

 

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 21:38 | 156068 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

You know what they say - if it floats, flies, or fornicates - rent, do not buy.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 17:06 | 155779 RobotTrader
RobotTrader's picture

Another huge day for solar stocks.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 17:16 | 155790 Dr Horace Manure
Dr Horace Manure's picture

They're not all "cheap" waitresses.  Some are merely inexpensive.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 17:34 | 155815 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

From the looks of them, some may not even be waitresses.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 20:44 | 156021 omi
omi's picture

CMCSA was dead cheap at 14,15 I was piling in hard.

For the clueless, there have been breakthroughs in solar panel efficiency, as high as 46% on some prototypes. Expect 'junk' like ENER to rally hard.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 18:25 | 155809 Leo Kolivakis
Leo Kolivakis's picture

Solar sector was sizzling today ahead of Copenhagen:

http://finance.yahoo.com/q/cq?d=v1&s=csiq,eslr,fslr,jaso,ldk,sol,solf,solr,spwra,stp,tsl,yge

I also noticed Soros Fund Management is long Renesola (SOL):

http://finance.yahoo.com/q/mh?s=SOL

Like I said, this is a volatile sector, but worth tracking as this could be the next big thing. What was encouraging today was that solars rallied despite the drop in oil prices. If this persists, it's a very bullish signal for this sector.

BTW>>>The idiots who flagged this post as junk should be permanently barred from ZH!

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 19:25 | 155947 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Great call, LK! Kudos.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 20:10 | 155990 Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

I agree Leo, they should lose their posting rights for 6 months.

Soros is going to go for the gold in Copenhagen he sent his own puppet!

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 18:22 | 155861 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

Good job RT.  So, at last we know why they call him Tiger, but it has nothing to do with his prodigious golf skills, but rather his insatiable appetite and, rumor has it, er, um, ah, unusual shaft length, in the boudoir with apparently any even remotely appealing skirt with silicone add-ons he can lay his hands on.  Apparently those high Accenture standards are lowered on occasion.  The endorsements will quietly fade now.

 New term I learned today: sex texting, or "sexting..."  

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 18:39 | 155882 Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

He just needs a few weeks at a rehab for sex addiction, an appearance on Oprah, a book, and then he'll be fine. That's the way.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 18:35 | 155876 Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

Boy, you can even see the implants under her skin.  No natural brest looks that way when a woman is laying down.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 22:47 | 156113 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

And they don't jiggle right!

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 18:35 | 155877 Miyagi_san
Miyagi_san's picture

Hedge JUST DO IT with DONE IT and hope you come out clean

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 18:36 | 155878 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

In my best Maurice Chevalier voice:

"Thank heaven for $8/hr girls..."

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 19:08 | 155925 faustian bargain
faustian bargain's picture

You said "Maurice Chevalier" but I heard "Serge Gainsbourg".

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 20:27 | 155998 delacroix
delacroix's picture

robo, you sure that second gal isn't a guy? tomorrows headline, tiger woods, linked to transvestite.     thats not just out of bounds, thats waaaaaaaaaaaay out of bounds.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 20:38 | 156015 RobotTrader
RobotTrader's picture

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 20:49 | 156029 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Police testing the nearby golf clubs for Tiger blood...?? The missus won't never get away with such Tiger abuse. Long arm of the law will gitcha' sooner or later.

Wed, 12/09/2009 - 12:50 | 157950 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

The Woods-Mcartney foundation- seeking to end alimony forever.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 21:45 | 156070 Gilgamesh
Gilgamesh's picture

Not so quick... where is the rest of the "Wife Was Kneeling" story and picture?

And I might not mind the rest of that model's story with her two 'other' women.  Wait, what is that saying about Tiger?

Tue, 12/08/2009 - 03:16 | 156276 Slewburger
Slewburger's picture

Can we change his name from Tiger to Cheetah?

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 20:48 | 156028 tom a taxpayer
tom a taxpayer's picture

With 9 ladies now, he can form Tiger Wood's softball, er, hardball team.

Anyone want to be bat boy?

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 20:52 | 156033 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

"Wonder what Tiger Woods is going to be doing over the holidays???"....

Don't you mean who?

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 22:11 | 156085 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Glad you men are feeling so threatened (for whatever reason) that you are reverting to making fun of women.

Tue, 12/08/2009 - 02:42 | 156256 Burnbright
Burnbright's picture

???? I have three sisters and so I know how women talk about men, it isnt any different. I dont even know why you botherd posting that anyway.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 22:13 | 156088 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Perhaps a coincidence, perhaps not but Woods' Dubai investments go tits up sort of speak and simultaneously he's exposed as an adulterer....hhhmmm,,,if I was a suspicious type I might imagine an overpaid prima donna getting his golf shorts in a twist over his malinvestments, mouths off and threatens the wrong people, is told to stuff it and doesn't, and viola his career is in dust in a desert wind.

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 22:34 | 156101 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Tiger sure loves the white blondes......

Tue, 12/08/2009 - 08:12 | 156328 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

..err...who doesn't?

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 22:45 | 156109 alphacharlie6
alphacharlie6's picture

Wouldn't it be something if Tiger's good luck in golf was due to all those lady fans kissing his balls* before each match?.....(*PG-13 disclosure: golf balls.)

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 22:49 | 156114 Shameful
Shameful's picture

"I mean, really.  You mean to tell me you can't find anything more worthwhile to chase than some burned out single mom making $8/hr. waiting tables in Ocala, FL??"

Robo, I'll have you know this is one of my dreams for when I'm a dirty old man! 

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 23:09 | 156135 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

BANZAI7 NEWS--Copenhagen's (aka-Groppenhagen) city council in conjunction with Lord Mayor Ritt Bjerregaard sent postcards out to 160 Copenhagen hotels urging "COPULATION15" (COP15) CLIMAX Change conference guests and delegates to 'Be sustainable - don't buy sex'.

"Dear hotel owner, we would like to urge you not to arrange contacts between hotel guests and prostitutes," the approach to hotels says.

Groppenhagen prostitutes up in arms, said that the council has no business meddling in their affairs. They have now offered free sex to anyone who can produce one of the offending postcards and their (COP)ULATION15 identity card.

In response to the special offer, Tiger Woods has announced his appointment to act as Special Ombudsman for COP15.

In response to Tiger's appointment, Tiger's wife has sent the following post card message to all hotels in Groppenhagen:

"Dear hotel owner, I would like to urge you not to arrange contacts between Tiger Woods, night club hostesses and prostitutes."

Viagra has also announced a special "Be Sustainable" ad campaign for COPULATION15. As previously reported, Country delegates will be awarded special bonus points ("PoPs") for submitting additional greenhouse gas reduction targets ("FaRTS"). "The Viagra campaign is intended to enable delegates to get more PoPs for their FaRTs."

Mon, 12/07/2009 - 23:50 | 156171 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

these posts about stocks that go up into the close are so fucking worthless maybe you should be the one on $8 p/h ....seriously

Tue, 12/08/2009 - 00:40 | 156194 Yes We Can. But...
Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

Going forward, Tiger Woods to forever be known as Cheetah Woods.

Tue, 12/08/2009 - 02:43 | 156257 Burnbright
Burnbright's picture

ROFL

Tue, 12/08/2009 - 01:59 | 156239 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Tiger's PR firm, IMG, has to get creative. So they lose Amex and Buick, but he's a natural for Greenpeace and World Wildlife Fund.....

"There are less than 5000 tigers left in the wild. I'm doing my part to increase the population; you, too, can help. Are you a young blond woman with surgically enhanced breasts who lives anywhere near a PGA Tour stop? If you are, and you'd like to supplement your income, and possibly land yourself a guest slot on Larry King Live, call 1-800-E-L-D-R-I-C-K."

Tue, 12/08/2009 - 18:14 | 157072 Apocalypse Now
Apocalypse Now's picture

You should get paid for that kind of wit.

Tue, 12/08/2009 - 03:00 | 156265 Comrade de Chaos
Comrade de Chaos's picture

all hail.. vegas:

http://www.census.gov/compendia/statab/tables/09s1169.pdf

 

i am not trading, i am.. providing liquidity so the market could be .... efficient. 

Tue, 12/08/2009 - 03:13 | 156275 Comrade de Chaos
Comrade de Chaos's picture

deleveraging 

http://www.census.gov/compendia/statab/tables/09s1162.pdf

will take a while. Just check those financial vs none financial issues, rofl. 

Tue, 12/08/2009 - 07:38 | 156323 bullchit
bullchit's picture

Tigers laying with cougers? Whatever next?

Regards.

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