Cash4Gold - The Other (And Far More Hilarious) Side Of The Story

Tyler Durden's picture

By now, everyone has heard accusations that Cash4Gold is nothing but a predatory site, seeking to "steal" the gold of people in distress for a painfully low price. Often times these stories involve Glenn Beck in some capacity. Of course, there is always "the other side" to every story. Below we provide just one such "other" side. It just so happens that the side is about as funny as it gets.

Courtesy of Bruce Krasting

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
CashCowEquity's picture


FEDbuster's picture

Does this mean the Tibetan 14 carat gold nuggets I bought on Craigslist from the Nigerian princess might not be real?  Good thing I paid for them with Zimbabwe dollars.

Herd Redirection Committee's picture

LOL, so did this guy send 60 lbs of gold-painted rocks to Dollars4Gold?

Any way, do you guys want to know how we will be able to recognize the top in gold?  When there is a show on Discovery or TLC, called 'Gold Virgins'!

Check out our latest PsychoNews story: Funny Money, Manic Markets & Obsolete Media

Senator Bernie Sanders from Vermont delivered an amazing speech in the Senate on December 2nd that was right on the money in regards to the problems America (and by extension, the world) faces.

To quote:

"There is a war going on, and I'm not referring to the war in Iraq and Afghanistan"

"Against the disappearing and shrinking middle class of this country."

"Their [billionaires/Oligarchy] greed has no end"

"[there seems to be] very little concern for the people if it gets in the way of accumulating more and more power"

"top 1% of all earners earn 23% of all the income in this country"

"Exxon made $19 billion last year and paid $0 in taxes.  They got a refund..."
(12 minutes into video)

Sounds like Senator Bernie Sanders has been reading PsychoNews!

knukles's picture

Well dude, the bad news is that there is just such a program starting on one of those like channels called something along the lines of "Alaska Gold" where a bunch of unemployed "patriots" head forth into the frozen reaches of Alaska in search of God's own shiny money. 

The most amazing part about it is the number of firearms per individual might well exceed  the collective IQ of the intrepid bunch, or so's been speculated upon. 

Herd Redirection Committee's picture

LOL, it sounds like it just debuted.  Awesome!  If these guys go bankrupt even with gold at $1600 it won't have quite the same effect as Property Virgins did.  If they do really well, though, from their amateur mining exploits then we will see.

The show sounds like it will only appeal to a select few (rednecks?), and doesn't seem to address the reasons behind 'gold fever' at all.

Just like if we said, if Jim Cramer recommends going all-in on gold its time to get out, tomorrow Jim Cramer will come out and tell people to go all-in on gold, hahaha!

knukles's picture

Or being a Goldmanite in a prior life to which he will no longer admit, he may hedge his bet and merely suggest watching "Alaska Gold".


You know the speil. What with nuggets soon to be at $1650 per ounce and if you starve and freeze your nuts off with an all in cost of $227/oz, you too could do an IPO, etc.....

RockyRacoon's picture

I caught the first episode of this show.  It was remarkable.

The fellas must have had quite a grubstake since they took along some fancy equipment.

Problems with a bridge that could not take the 100K lb load, but the load was fine on a really back roads bridge?  Some discrepancy there...

The "claim" supposedly in a backwoodsy area was awfully easy to get to with the entire entourage and tons of equipment.

These guys should put on quite a show!

centerline's picture

First has to come the show "Flip this Nugget"...  Had to laugh at your post though.  The memories of watching in horror at those shows about flipping houses was so obvious in retrospect it is almost tragic.  Those were disgusting shows... knowing the real economic effect of making money that way.


On a more serious note, I don't J6P is quite going towards PM's yet.  And when he does, it might actually be the real deal for once instead of the typical lamb to the slaughter.  Just thinking....  the more this crap goes on, the more I am leaning out of the deflationary camp into the hyperinflationary camp.  

JimmyTheHand's picture

Hahahah... That's the funniest thing I have seen in a long time! I have to pass this one around work tomorrow. Thanks for the laugh Tyler.

ILikeBoats's picture

All kinds of awesome!

Rwbrown72's picture

Oh my god... That is funny! Maybe "The Ben Bernanke" should check out this site!

Convolved Man's picture

We are aware of the fake gold scams perpetrated by Singapore hookers and suggest you only invest in U.S. T-bills, which are available from our primary dealers with a complimentary b*tt-f*ck.

PrDtR's picture

Make mine a greased one!

eigenvalue's picture

The letters are tad too small...:(

frugalman's picture

Ctrl Scroll Wheel makes the type bigger or smaller so you can read the letter

eigenvalue's picture

Thanks. That's much better

dehdhed's picture

or ctrl + for larger

ctrl - for smaller

and ctrl 0 resets to normal

tmosley's picture

I wonder how much you can get for Comedy Gold at Cash4Gold?

Red Neck Repugnicant's picture

I wonder how much you can get for Comedy Gold at Cash4Gold?

Level 3 failure.

1. Not witty

2. Not clever

3. Totally senseless

I certainly hope you don't rely on humor to hawk your toothpaste chemicals. 

akak's picture

I certainly hope you don't have to rely on your intellect (such as it is) for your daily sustinence.

If so, you are in deep shit.  Right up to your supposedly red neck, most likely.

szjon's picture

What is this obsession with toothpaste you have? Is it because of the smell of shit on your breath?

Blano's picture

It's probably semen he's trying to brush away.

Calmyourself's picture

Bwaney Fwank's protein mouthwash, leaves an aftertaste in RNR's cakehole..

LeBalance's picture

But Mr. Haberny seems to be in some personal distress.  Shouldn't right thinking people be contacting friends and local aid groups to come to his rescue?

And to what sub-level of the Pompano Beach PO does he have to travel to get to his post in Box 668758.  That's like the Zed Annex in a nearby swamp or something.

Jasper M's picture

Possibly a 'virtual' box number, for one with multiple holders? Got differentiate Mr. Haberty from the other Nigerians. 

Bill D. Cat's picture

Pushes chair away from computer , drops zip-lock bag full of cheesy gold painted rocks , mumbles a few profanities and starts over . Good thing I didn't start licking all those stamps .

kornholio's picture

now thats funny I dont care who you are

saulysw's picture

That's hilarious!

"Ungreased, backdoor; Hammertime lovemaking session" with our telemarketer's Carole and Tracy --- CLASSIC

putbuyer's picture

But the fucker had balls of steel. LOL

midtowng's picture

Just writing that letter had to be fun.

FatFingered's picture

Hilarious!  Thank you Mr. Haberny!

iota's picture

I lol'd. Again.

breezer1's picture

bill should be on this...

gwar5's picture

Cash4Gold: "Your request for an 'Ungreased, backdoor, hammertime lovemaking session with our telemarketers Carol and Tracy' is both feral and preposterous"

"Painted gold rocks from spiritual journey in Tibet with a quadraplegic hooker picked up in Singapore."

That is just hysterical! Thanks mucho.




truont's picture

Quadrapalegic Singapore hooker, eh?  Yeah, right.

I think Cash4Gold is getting punked, here.

Still funny, tho.'s picture

Thing is that the rep for Cash4Gold seems to have an excellent sense of humor. And he seems to be engaged in a lighthearted back and forth with the joker despite the cease and desist talk. The fact that Cash4Gold quoted the funniest parts of the jokers requests and takes an almost whimsical tone in response actually gives me some respect for at least one fellow in their offices.

That's assuming it's really from Cash4Gold, though.

Unholy Dalliance's picture

'That's assuming it's really from Cash4Gold, though.'

Ah, the rub. The painful, soul-searing rub that the letter may be a fake.


I particularly like <quote> 'our seasoned geologists'. At this time of year do you say: 'Greetings, seasoned geologists!'

monopoly's picture

Feels good to laugh.

Joe Grannville's picture

I never said she was a quadriplegic hooker. I'm going to keep on sending in my gold until those bastards pay up.

akak's picture

To get what is truly rightfully yours, Joe, I suggest you dump the fake nuggets and go back to shacking up with the quadripalegic hooker --- she may posess a few STD's that you have not yet acquired.

Joe Grannville's picture

Hey Akak, don't be pissed.  I was going to invite you to my birthday party at McDonalds but the last time I saw you there you were gettin' yelled at by the manager for burnin' the fries again!

pitterrier's picture

It cried and pissed in my pants with laughter.  Very, very funny.

StychoKiller's picture

"Easily the 'Feel-Good' letter of the year!" :>D

Fishing Chimps's picture

A quadriplegic Singapore hooker? Thanks for locating my ex, Tyler. I sometimes wondered where that skank had gotten to.

knukles's picture

She never told me she was married before!  Bitch.

blunderdog's picture

It's cute, but boy it sure looks like a fake.  I don't believe for a moment an employee at Cash4Gold actually wrote this letter.  Everything about it is all wrong.