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Cash4Gold - The Other (And Far More Hilarious) Side Of The Story
By now, everyone has heard accusations that Cash4Gold is nothing but a predatory site, seeking to "steal" the gold of people in distress for a painfully low price. Often times these stories involve Glenn Beck in some capacity. Of course, there is always "the other side" to every story. Below we provide just one such "other" side. It just so happens that the side is about as funny as it gets.
Courtesy of Bruce Krasting
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LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does this mean the Tibetan 14 carat gold nuggets I bought on Craigslist from the Nigerian princess might not be real? Good thing I paid for them with Zimbabwe dollars.
slick
LOL, so did this guy send 60 lbs of gold-painted rocks to Dollars4Gold?
Any way, do you guys want to know how we will be able to recognize the top in gold? When there is a show on Discovery or TLC, called 'Gold Virgins'!
http://psychonews.site90.net
Check out our latest PsychoNews story: Funny Money, Manic Markets & Obsolete Media
Senator Bernie Sanders from Vermont delivered an amazing speech in the Senate on December 2nd that was right on the money in regards to the problems America (and by extension, the world) faces.
To quote:
"There is a war going on, and I'm not referring to the war in Iraq and Afghanistan""Against the disappearing and shrinking middle class of this country."
"Their [billionaires/Oligarchy] greed has no end"
"[there seems to be] very little concern for the people if it gets in the way of accumulating more and more power"
"top 1% of all earners earn 23% of all the income in this country"
"Exxon made $19 billion last year and paid $0 in taxes. They got a refund..."
(12 minutes into video)
Sounds like Senator Bernie Sanders has been reading PsychoNews!
Well dude, the bad news is that there is just such a program starting on one of those like channels called something along the lines of "Alaska Gold" where a bunch of unemployed "patriots" head forth into the frozen reaches of Alaska in search of God's own shiny money.
The most amazing part about it is the number of firearms per individual might well exceed the collective IQ of the intrepid bunch, or so's been speculated upon.
LOL, it sounds like it just debuted. Awesome! If these guys go bankrupt even with gold at $1600 it won't have quite the same effect as Property Virgins did. If they do really well, though, from their amateur mining exploits then we will see.
The show sounds like it will only appeal to a select few (rednecks?), and doesn't seem to address the reasons behind 'gold fever' at all.
Just like if we said, if Jim Cramer recommends going all-in on gold its time to get out, tomorrow Jim Cramer will come out and tell people to go all-in on gold, hahaha!
Or being a Goldmanite in a prior life to which he will no longer admit, he may hedge his bet and merely suggest watching "Alaska Gold".
You know the speil. What with nuggets soon to be at $1650 per ounce and if you starve and freeze your nuts off with an all in cost of $227/oz, you too could do an IPO, etc.....
I caught the first episode of this show. It was remarkable.
The fellas must have had quite a grubstake since they took along some fancy equipment.
Problems with a bridge that could not take the 100K lb load, but the load was fine on a really back roads bridge? Some discrepancy there...
The "claim" supposedly in a backwoodsy area was awfully easy to get to with the entire entourage and tons of equipment.
These guys should put on quite a show!
First has to come the show "Flip this Nugget"... Had to laugh at your post though. The memories of watching in horror at those shows about flipping houses was so obvious in retrospect it is almost tragic. Those were disgusting shows... knowing the real economic effect of making money that way.
On a more serious note, I don't J6P is quite going towards PM's yet. And when he does, it might actually be the real deal for once instead of the typical lamb to the slaughter. Just thinking.... the more this crap goes on, the more I am leaning out of the deflationary camp into the hyperinflationary camp.
Hahahah... That's the funniest thing I have seen in a long time! I have to pass this one around work tomorrow. Thanks for the laugh Tyler.
All kinds of awesome!
Oh my god... That is funny! Maybe "The Ben Bernanke" should check out this site!
We are aware of the fake gold scams perpetrated by Singapore hookers and suggest you only invest in U.S. T-bills, which are available from our primary dealers with a complimentary b*tt-f*ck.
Make mine a greased one!
The letters are tad too small...:(
Ctrl Scroll Wheel makes the type bigger or smaller so you can read the letter
Thanks. That's much better
or ctrl + for larger
ctrl - for smaller
and ctrl 0 resets to normal
comedy gold.
I wonder how much you can get for Comedy Gold at Cash4Gold?
I wonder how much you can get for Comedy Gold at Cash4Gold?
Level 3 failure.
1. Not witty
2. Not clever
3. Totally senseless
I certainly hope you don't rely on humor to hawk your toothpaste chemicals.
Yeah, buddy, you're a riot.
I certainly hope you don't have to rely on your intellect (such as it is) for your daily sustinence.
If so, you are in deep shit. Right up to your supposedly red neck, most likely.
What is this obsession with toothpaste you have? Is it because of the smell of shit on your breath?
It's probably semen he's trying to brush away.
Bwaney Fwank's protein mouthwash, leaves an aftertaste in RNR's cakehole..
Dick.
But Mr. Haberny seems to be in some personal distress. Shouldn't right thinking people be contacting friends and local aid groups to come to his rescue?
And to what sub-level of the Pompano Beach PO does he have to travel to get to his post in Box 668758. That's like the Zed Annex in a nearby swamp or something.
Possibly a 'virtual' box number, for one with multiple holders? Got differentiate Mr. Haberty from the other Nigerians.
Pushes chair away from computer , drops zip-lock bag full of cheesy gold painted rocks , mumbles a few profanities and starts over . Good thing I didn't start licking all those stamps .
now thats funny I dont care who you are
That's hilarious!
"Ungreased, backdoor; Hammertime lovemaking session" with our telemarketer's Carole and Tracy --- CLASSIC
But the fucker had balls of steel. LOL
Just writing that letter had to be fun.
Hilarious! Thank you Mr. Haberny!
I lol'd. Again.
bill should be on this...
Cash4Gold: "Your request for an 'Ungreased, backdoor, hammertime lovemaking session with our telemarketers Carol and Tracy' is both feral and preposterous"
"Painted gold rocks from spiritual journey in Tibet with a quadraplegic hooker picked up in Singapore."
That is just hysterical! Thanks mucho.
Quadrapalegic Singapore hooker, eh? Yeah, right.
I think Cash4Gold is getting punked, here.
Still funny, tho.
Thing is that the rep for Cash4Gold seems to have an excellent sense of humor. And he seems to be engaged in a lighthearted back and forth with the joker despite the cease and desist talk. The fact that Cash4Gold quoted the funniest parts of the jokers requests and takes an almost whimsical tone in response actually gives me some respect for at least one fellow in their offices.
That's assuming it's really from Cash4Gold, though.
'That's assuming it's really from Cash4Gold, though.'
Ah, the rub. The painful, soul-searing rub that the letter may be a fake.
I particularly like <quote> 'our seasoned geologists'. At this time of year do you say: 'Greetings, seasoned geologists!'
Feels good to laugh.
I never said she was a quadriplegic hooker. I'm going to keep on sending in my gold until those bastards pay up.
To get what is truly rightfully yours, Joe, I suggest you dump the fake nuggets and go back to shacking up with the quadripalegic hooker --- she may posess a few STD's that you have not yet acquired.
Hey Akak, don't be pissed. I was going to invite you to my birthday party at McDonalds but the last time I saw you there you were gettin' yelled at by the manager for burnin' the fries again!
It cried and pissed in my pants with laughter. Very, very funny.
"Easily the 'Feel-Good' letter of the year!" :>D
A quadriplegic Singapore hooker? Thanks for locating my ex, Tyler. I sometimes wondered where that skank had gotten to.
She never told me she was married before! Bitch.
It's cute, but boy it sure looks like a fake. I don't believe for a moment an employee at Cash4Gold actually wrote this letter. Everything about it is all wrong.
The thought had gone through my mind too -- but hey, just go with it.
Yeah, no one's going to quote all that shit. The incorrect apostrophization of telemarketers is a good touch though.
Seemed blatantly clear to me as well--but still funny as hell!
"Your demand for an ungreased Hammertime, backdoor lovemaking session with our telemarketers . . . " Oh shit, I've got tears in my eyes!!
So what do you suppose the going rate is nowadays for a Singaporean quadrapalegic hooker? And what would that be in devalued US$?
And are they good at sniffing out gold painted rocks?
...
You can check here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orchard_Towers
On my first trip to Singapore earlier this year I stopped in this building on the first night to buy SIM cards for our phones. The place was crawling with sleazy girls. Later found out this building is known as "Four Floors of Whores" for a reason.
" . . .is feral and preposterous" Poetry!
Robo, is that you?
I thought I was just perverted. Now I find out I am "feral and preposterous." Feels like a promotion. Thanks Tyler, we needed that;)
LOL!
So that is the bastard that stole my quadriplegic hooker in singapore!!!!!
I NEED me one of those quadriplegic hookers..
M.C. Hammer "Can't Touch This" and Rick James "Superfreak" fusion - big pants, booty, classic bass line:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ws3Z66U6RKc
Gold, need more gold, this video makes me want more...
Yo fuck R&B and the runnin' man...
Cash4Gold can't punctuate either: telemarketers not "telemarketer's"
No one expects the apostrophe police.....
Not anymore.
It'd be politically incorrect to criticize the school system. Maybe get either the Thought Police or the Do Not Remove This Tag Pillow and Quadriplegic Stuffing Police but nope, no Punctuation Penalties anymore.
Modern society has moved way the fuck past that.
Everybody needs a good laugh these days, because there's not much funny anymore. Merry Recession!
Shouldn't that be 'the Apostrophe Inquisition' or were you not quoting from Monty Python?
All of that funny and that's all you took from it? Keep looking for that cloud in the silver lining my friend.
+ an order of fried shrimp ;-)
That made me guffaw with some weird noises I've never heard before.
That's probably due to the gonorrhea bacteria penetrating your carotid sheath and attacking the vagus nerve in your throat. Not only do you get a hoarse voice, you'll notice a swamp-ass odor enveloping your entire head.
This is the clearest indication thus far that you need to spend less time sucking off spunk cannons, and more time working on your GED.
Aww, you wuv him!
Feel the love.
From popping off my first ZH junk.
Sorry Crockett. Got so excited, I popped off that first junk early... and you got in the way.
Fortunately there's plenty more where that came from.
No problem. But you know, you can click again to unjunk, too.
Holy shit, Neck! and I thought I just had bad breath........
RNR, thank you for your high dive into the intellectual and moral gutter. I just wish you hadn't splashed quite so much filth onto the unwilling spectators in the process.
Either RNR has given up on trying to pursuade people to the liberal side of the fence and decided to just throw hate bombs or his account may have been hacked.
The letter is funny but faker than the gold rocks they supposedly tried to send in...but it doesn't take away creativeness of it. Very funny.
Hmmmm, now where DID i stash that tungsten?
Honey, can I use some of your gold leaf christmas seals?
...cash for gold giving me laughs for free...perhaps mr. haberney should have petitioned for a greased backdoor?
That made my night!!!
A successful free advertising bid. Well done for a group of scumbuckets from a scummy Florida town, well done..
You must admit, the reply is excellent. Very unbank-like.
Good article on Gold. Perhaps Tyler can "wiki" the slides.
http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2010/11/brodsky-on-gold/
These nuggets are similar in truth when compared to the gold/tungsten bars in fort knox
Bags-O'-Nuggets.
And how many, Mr Geithner, did you say that were found in the audit of the vault at Fort Knox? Three? Three fucking little teenie weenie ittie bittie tiny things the size of Barney Frank's nut-sack labelled "Bags-O'-Nuggets" with a Woolworth's price tag for 5 cents each and one bag of stale, spoiled gold wrapped chocolates embossed with "Happy New Year 1933"?
And you tell me the audit is complete and no further fucking activities were deemed warranted because you were in Pompano, Florida looking for a quadriplegic telemarketer lady named Tracey from Singapore?
Timmah! Look at me! I'm trying to help here.
Your talents are being wasted here! Try to get in touch with Robin Williams (or Kevin Bacon!) :>D
Brilliant...thanks for the much needed laughs!
Way too funny. Solid gold!
Haha! Love it. Pass the tu-sheng-peng.
Not likely real, but hilarious nevertheless.
tyler I hate it when you post things that are itsy bitsy script. Then I have to screw afround for 5 minutes tobring it to a level I can read.
F it cant get thisa math thing to post
Goddammit, do you know how _hard_ it is to electroplate fake gold onto rocks? They should pay me just for figuring out how to do that......
And now they cast aspersions on my quadraplegic hooker? THAT'S THE LAST STRAW!!!
A thousand thank-yous to Mr. Haberny; I haven't laughed that hard and that long for months. Keep it rockin', bro !
Takes all kinds. Still, you've got to be a special breed of stupid to send your valuable gold away via an express pack to complete strangers in hopes they will be kind enough and honest enough to send you back what it was worth in dollars, all the while not even knowing what it's worth to know if you were ripped off.... LOL. As I said, takes all kinds.
My favorite COPS episode ever was one from Miami, where a radio car was dispatched to a convenience store to deal with a "man causing a disturbance."
The cops met up with a middle-aged gentleman who somewhat resembled Nick Nolte. After a few minutes discussion, he confided to one of the officers that he had gotten high that evening--smoking crack with a few other gentlemen he'd met. He had given them his car keys because they were going to go somewhere and pick up more crack and return so they could all smoke it together. He wasn't permitted to go with them because he might spook their supplier.
I learned a very important lesson watching that program. Probably the most valuable thing I've ever learned from the teevee.
When you're cracked out with a bunch of strangers, don't give them your car keys.
Maybe all Zero Hedge folks should "send in rocks" to Cash4Gold, claiming "there is gold in them rocks!". This would hurt their "free, postage paid envelopes" approach to marketing. If people had to ship their gold on their own dime, it would avoid them from being scammed.
Love it! Nothi wrong with that. There really is a molecule of gold in many rocks.
I always saw these cash for gold as rip offs for the ignorant and broke and easy was of cashing in grandmas jewelry for addicts.
Anyone want to buy bonafide gold ore to give it a try?
I can supply the ore.
Let's get Max Keiser onto it! Send in one rock each and bring down cash-for-gold!
Max is busy with his "buy silver, kill JPM". Guy needs to stay focused. Too many moving balls ends up with failure. Max is a guy after all, and multi-tasking may be too much for him...
Just thinking that some places, such as Cash4Gold, are minor parasites to society. They prey on the week and gullible. If they think they can screw over the little people with their business model, we should use their business model against them. Their pre-paid envelopes have to be a significant cost to them. If sufficient people send in "heavy" junk to them, we get 2 benefits:
1) US Postal Service can hopefully one day become profitable and not require further bailouts.
2) The less money they make, the less they can afford to advertise... and suck in more and more people.
Awesome!
I wonder if the quadriplegic Singapore hooker had any teeth. Maybe I'll write the CFTC a few letters of support for Mr. Haberny, and see if I get an equally funny response.
Bang dae kok4gold.
Bang dae ho4gold.
ALL RIGHT! MsCreant FTW!! :>D
I just have to say that Root Beer fucking burns like a mother fucker when it comes out of your nose... my fucking ribs hurt from laughter!!!
HA! - What a riot, even if NOT real.
Glenn Beck is a "spokesperson" for GoldLine not Cash4Gold.
Well I do declare, move on over motherfucker, room for Keith Olberman!
Best laugh all week!
omg this is priceless!
ive been laughing for like 15 minutes straight...
awesome :)
LOL!!!! That is hilarious!!! I remember a few years ago, a guy wrote a funny article about sending them gold spray painted stuff. He even spray painted some macaroni gold and sent it. They sent him a check for about a dollar or something. It was a very good read.
Excellent !!!!
Thanks for the belly laugh. Listening to Bernanke on 60 Minutes tonight....shit....it was like listening to 10 minutes of lies by a murder perp in the Miami PD interogation room on "The First 48". I REALLY NEEDED THAT FREAKIN" LAUGH!
Top letter .................. hilarious.
+ 1
WHOEHAHAHAHA!
The part where he asks for to host his birthday party at Mcdonalds :)
+10
So, I guess we have to make US Mint to print Copper Dollars or better Copper Rods with US Mint seal. Then buy it all and force JPM into Max Keiser's Plan To Destroy JPM.
classic humor..
what if everybody started doing that? sending gold painted rocks to them?
Would it be called the "Get your rocks off" campaign?
GeturRock$Off2Cash4Gold
HA HA HA HA!
The picture makes better sense this way. The arms are crossed as a form of protection. I warned you on another thread, do not remove your bra.
I got my 14k nuggets from a Garage Sale at Fort Knox, need to get them asseset ASAP
Your avatar is eerily like mine.
I am just waiting for someone to take the brass balls off a certain establishment and ship them after plating the ding dongs with gold.
The size of the signature on the bottom shows loss of temper and exceeding thin patience. Maybe in the future they can reformat the form letter printers to accomodate very angry signers on a extra long sheet of paper.
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAH... LMFAO... and it is framed! Simply Genius.
Reminds me of "Extra Nutty [Letters from a Nut]" books by Ted Nancy.
But what I find disheartening is the proliferation of "We Buy Gold" store fronts that are popping up everywhere. What I see is that older business and restaurants are failing and many of those vacant retail spaces are being leased to corporate owned pawn shops and gold buyers which are arguably predatory-by-nature establishments.
My uncle manages for one of the chains that have set up in the malls. Last time I saw him, he said that he can pay up to 95% of spot.
I'm guessing competition is increasing.
Hammertime!
http://seekingalpha.com/article/235917-gold-bubble-final-warning
So why could Gold be a Bubble? 1) Rapid price run-up. Prices never run up forever; they always come back to stable levels. Gold prices are up almost 500 percent since 2000 and almost 1300 percent since the mid-70s. At some point they have to come back down. When that will happen is still in question, but they will stabilize at some point. And stabilization may involve a quick plunge in prices. 2) “We Buy Gold” everywhere! In the past two years, there have been more “sell your gold” commercials and “we buy gold” stores than ever before. It seems as if everywhere I go or look I see some kind of reference to gold. The prevalence of these stores and commercials not only points to market saturation, but also points to the massive spotlight that has been shining on Gold. 3) EXTREME speculation. A bubble requires investors to be so absolutely certain that prices will continue to rise that they actually neglect to protect themselves from the risks involved. By asking “How high is Gold heading?” instead of “Why is Gold going up?” or “Can Gold go higher?” we’re actually ignoring the downside involved, which can lead to severe panic if Gold actually does start to drop. Here is why extreme speculation is here and very dangerous: 4) Gold isn’t enough! With Gold prices soaring, investors have looked for new ways to take advantage of the run-up. Not only have investors run the price of gold (GLD) to high levels, but they have found ways to leverage their positions and even increase speculation in related metals. First, Gold itself was enough (GLD). Then, when investors wanted increased returns if gold went up, they bet on the gold miners through the Gold Miners' GDX ETF; the GDX moves in correlation to GLD, but with a higher beta (in essence, if GLD goes up GDX should move proportionally higher). Now it seems even the regular miners aren’t enough! Investors are now going even further downstream, betting on the junior miners (GDXJ). The junior miners are not only a third derivative bet (Gold-Gold miners-junior miners), but they also signal the extreme belief investors have that prices will continue higher. And if a third-derivative play in Gold wasn’t enough, investors have speculated in the entire precious metals sector. Since Gold is going higher, they say, so should the prices of related metals. And to satisfy investors’ insatiable demand for these metals, the “Glitter” ETF (GLTR), composed of gold, silver, platinum, and palladium investments, was introduced on October 22nd. And if metals weren’t enough, investors have also chased “Rare-Earth” resources through companies such as Rare-Earth-Elements (REE) and Molycorp (MCP). Not only did Molycorp CEO, Mark Smiths, recently “mistakenly” call the Rare-Earth craze a “BUBBLE” (“I don’t think short-term prices in rare earth (minerals) are prices people ought to be counting on…they are really spiked right now and there may be a bubble occurring because of all of the news and the frenzy.”), but the fact that REE and MCP are up about 500 percent and 300 percent respectively since the summer should be enough of a warning.5) Gold Vending Machines. It wasn’t enough for Gold to be bought at jewelry stores or through distributors directly. They have now built vending machines from which to buy Gold! A German company, Gold-To-Go, has began setting up vending machines around the world in order to attract the average investor. Buying Gold coins and bars from a vending machine? I hear “BUBBLE”! 6) Inflation or Deflation? Gold prices have increased due to fears over currency and economic growth. But buyers of Gold have bought Gold both due to fears of deflation and due to the potential for inflation. In other words, some bought Gold because they expect deflation and some bought it because they expect inflation – but one of the two is wrong! We can’t have both deflation and inflation; therefore, a considerable number of investors are wrong and have pushed the price of Gold up farther than is warranted. 7) Front Page of the Wall Street Journal. When a story makes the front page of a widely-circulated newspaper or magazine, it signals widespread recognition of that story or theme. Since heavily-distributed newspapers and magazines tend to reflect the widespread sentiment of its readers and the general population, a front-page headline signals the acceptance of that idea as consensus. It’s been a fairly long-standing negative omen for the market when major cover stories marvel at the wondrous bull-market run-ups and, inversely, a positive omen for the market when cover stories mourn the death of markets. That said, positive cover stories regarding investment themes are bad omens, signaling an upcoming pause or correction, if not an end to that theme. Gold made just such an appearance on September 29, 2010 on the front page of the Wall Street Journal, in an article titled “Gold Vaults to New High.” If a front page spot is a signal of widespread acceptance and a warning of an upcoming correction, the Gold Bubble is alive, but probably not so well.
Hey District 9, gold seems to headed AWAY from your $1,000 target? How's that short position looking today?
Gold is way undervalued, stocks and bonds are the bubble.
Article written on Nov. 10th, 2010. Graph shows gold at about $1,350.
Gold now at $1,419.
I guess the "new highs" have been met.
Now what?
This is too funny. I love it!!! We should all send gold painted rocks to Cash4Gold. BTW, can I get a PDF copy of that letter? I want to frame a copy in my office. And maybe a picture of those rocks? What was the original letter you sent to them?
The letter is not dated. It is total b/s.
i think i pissed myself, yes I did! Even if the letter/response is fake, still worth it's weight in gold for the laughs! Thanks!
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was funny as hell.
This article gives the light in which we can observe the reality. This is very nice one and gives in depth information.
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