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Cash4Gold - The Other (And Far More Hilarious) Side Of The Story

Tyler Durden's picture




 

By now, everyone has heard accusations that Cash4Gold is nothing but a predatory site, seeking to "steal" the gold of people in distress for a painfully low price. Often times these stories involve Glenn Beck in some capacity. Of course, there is always "the other side" to every story. Below we provide just one such "other" side. It just so happens that the side is about as funny as it gets.

Courtesy of Bruce Krasting

 

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Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:07 | 780794 CashCowEquity
CashCowEquity's picture

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:23 | 781038 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Does this mean the Tibetan 14 carat gold nuggets I bought on Craigslist from the Nigerian princess might not be real?  Good thing I paid for them with Zimbabwe dollars.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:46 | 781103 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture

slick

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:19 | 781169 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

LOL, so did this guy send 60 lbs of gold-painted rocks to Dollars4Gold?

Any way, do you guys want to know how we will be able to recognize the top in gold?  When there is a show on Discovery or TLC, called 'Gold Virgins'!

http://psychonews.site90.net

Check out our latest PsychoNews story: Funny Money, Manic Markets & Obsolete Media

Senator Bernie Sanders from Vermont delivered an amazing speech in the Senate on December 2nd that was right on the money in regards to the problems America (and by extension, the world) faces.

To quote:

"There is a war going on, and I'm not referring to the war in Iraq and Afghanistan"

"Against the disappearing and shrinking middle class of this country."

"Their [billionaires/Oligarchy] greed has no end"

"[there seems to be] very little concern for the people if it gets in the way of accumulating more and more power"

"top 1% of all earners earn 23% of all the income in this country"

"Exxon made $19 billion last year and paid $0 in taxes.  They got a refund..."
(12 minutes into video)

Sounds like Senator Bernie Sanders has been reading PsychoNews!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 01:17 | 781268 knukles
knukles's picture

Well dude, the bad news is that there is just such a program starting on one of those like channels called something along the lines of "Alaska Gold" where a bunch of unemployed "patriots" head forth into the frozen reaches of Alaska in search of God's own shiny money. 

The most amazing part about it is the number of firearms per individual might well exceed  the collective IQ of the intrepid bunch, or so's been speculated upon. 

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 01:35 | 781297 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

LOL, it sounds like it just debuted.  Awesome!  If these guys go bankrupt even with gold at $1600 it won't have quite the same effect as Property Virgins did.  If they do really well, though, from their amateur mining exploits then we will see.

The show sounds like it will only appeal to a select few (rednecks?), and doesn't seem to address the reasons behind 'gold fever' at all.

Just like if we said, if Jim Cramer recommends going all-in on gold its time to get out, tomorrow Jim Cramer will come out and tell people to go all-in on gold, hahaha!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 01:49 | 781323 knukles
knukles's picture

Or being a Goldmanite in a prior life to which he will no longer admit, he may hedge his bet and merely suggest watching "Alaska Gold".

 

You know the speil. What with nuggets soon to be at $1650 per ounce and if you starve and freeze your nuts off with an all in cost of $227/oz, you too could do an IPO, etc.....

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 12:44 | 782224 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture

I caught the first episode of this show.  It was remarkable.

The fellas must have had quite a grubstake since they took along some fancy equipment.

Problems with a bridge that could not take the 100K lb load, but the load was fine on a really back roads bridge?  Some discrepancy there...

The "claim" supposedly in a backwoodsy area was awfully easy to get to with the entire entourage and tons of equipment.

These guys should put on quite a show!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 10:06 | 781716 centerline
centerline's picture

First has to come the show "Flip this Nugget"...  Had to laugh at your post though.  The memories of watching in horror at those shows about flipping houses was so obvious in retrospect it is almost tragic.  Those were disgusting shows... knowing the real economic effect of making money that way.

 

On a more serious note, I don't J6P is quite going towards PM's yet.  And when he does, it might actually be the real deal for once instead of the typical lamb to the slaughter.  Just thinking....  the more this crap goes on, the more I am leaning out of the deflationary camp into the hyperinflationary camp.  

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:38 | 781204 JimmyTheHand
JimmyTheHand's picture

Hahahah... That's the funniest thing I have seen in a long time! I have to pass this one around work tomorrow. Thanks for the laugh Tyler.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:08 | 780796 ILikeBoats
ILikeBoats's picture

All kinds of awesome!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:08 | 780797 Rwbrown72
Rwbrown72's picture

Oh my god... That is funny! Maybe "The Ben Bernanke" should check out this site!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:34 | 780895 Convolved Man
Convolved Man's picture

We are aware of the fake gold scams perpetrated by Singapore hookers and suggest you only invest in U.S. T-bills, which are available from our primary dealers with a complimentary b*tt-f*ck.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 06:47 | 781557 PrDtR
PrDtR's picture

Make mine a greased one!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:09 | 780800 eigenvalue
eigenvalue's picture

The letters are tad too small...:(

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:14 | 780822 frugalman
frugalman's picture

Ctrl Scroll Wheel makes the type bigger or smaller so you can read the letter

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:20 | 780847 eigenvalue
eigenvalue's picture

Thanks. That's much better

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 07:31 | 781574 dehdhed
dehdhed's picture

or ctrl + for larger

ctrl - for smaller

and ctrl 0 resets to normal

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:09 | 780801 the mad hatter
the mad hatter's picture

comedy gold.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:48 | 781106 tmosley
tmosley's picture

I wonder how much you can get for Comedy Gold at Cash4Gold?

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 01:20 | 781272 Red Neck Repugnicant
Red Neck Repugnicant's picture

I wonder how much you can get for Comedy Gold at Cash4Gold?

Level 3 failure.

1. Not witty

2. Not clever

3. Totally senseless

I certainly hope you don't rely on humor to hawk your toothpaste chemicals. 

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 02:25 | 781361 CrockettAlmanac.com
CrockettAlmanac.com's picture

Yeah, buddy, you're a riot.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 03:05 | 781381 akak
akak's picture

I certainly hope you don't have to rely on your intellect (such as it is) for your daily sustinence.

If so, you are in deep shit.  Right up to your supposedly red neck, most likely.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 02:51 | 781384 szjon
szjon's picture

What is this obsession with toothpaste you have? Is it because of the smell of shit on your breath?

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 07:23 | 781571 Blano
Blano's picture

It's probably semen he's trying to brush away.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 10:27 | 781775 Calmyourself
Calmyourself's picture

Bwaney Fwank's protein mouthwash, leaves an aftertaste in RNR's cakehole..

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 10:34 | 781798 magis00
magis00's picture

Dick.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:09 | 780802 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

But Mr. Haberny seems to be in some personal distress.  Shouldn't right thinking people be contacting friends and local aid groups to come to his rescue?

And to what sub-level of the Pompano Beach PO does he have to travel to get to his post in Box 668758.  That's like the Zed Annex in a nearby swamp or something.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:13 | 780821 Jasper M
Jasper M's picture

Possibly a 'virtual' box number, for one with multiple holders? Got differentiate Mr. Haberty from the other Nigerians. 

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:10 | 780808 Bill D. Cat
Bill D. Cat's picture

Pushes chair away from computer , drops zip-lock bag full of cheesy gold painted rocks , mumbles a few profanities and starts over . Good thing I didn't start licking all those stamps .

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:11 | 780810 kornholio
kornholio's picture

now thats funny I dont care who you are

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:37 | 780811 saulysw
saulysw's picture

That's hilarious!

"Ungreased, backdoor; Hammertime lovemaking session" with our telemarketer's Carole and Tracy --- CLASSIC

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:15 | 780829 putbuyer
putbuyer's picture

But the fucker had balls of steel. LOL

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:49 | 781112 midtowng
midtowng's picture

Just writing that letter had to be fun.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:17 | 780832 FatFingered
FatFingered's picture

Hilarious!  Thank you Mr. Haberny!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:17 | 780839 iota
iota's picture

I lol'd. Again.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:19 | 780845 breezer1
breezer1's picture

bill should be on this...

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:21 | 780852 gwar5
gwar5's picture

Cash4Gold: "Your request for an 'Ungreased, backdoor, hammertime lovemaking session with our telemarketers Carol and Tracy' is both feral and preposterous"

"Painted gold rocks from spiritual journey in Tibet with a quadraplegic hooker picked up in Singapore."

That is just hysterical! Thanks mucho.

 

 

 

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:21 | 780853 truont
truont's picture

Quadrapalegic Singapore hooker, eh?  Yeah, right.

I think Cash4Gold is getting punked, here.

Still funny, tho.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 02:32 | 781364 CrockettAlmanac.com
CrockettAlmanac.com's picture

Thing is that the rep for Cash4Gold seems to have an excellent sense of humor. And he seems to be engaged in a lighthearted back and forth with the joker despite the cease and desist talk. The fact that Cash4Gold quoted the funniest parts of the jokers requests and takes an almost whimsical tone in response actually gives me some respect for at least one fellow in their offices.

That's assuming it's really from Cash4Gold, though.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 07:39 | 781577 Unholy Dalliance
Unholy Dalliance's picture

'That's assuming it's really from Cash4Gold, though.'

Ah, the rub. The painful, soul-searing rub that the letter may be a fake.

 

I particularly like <quote> 'our seasoned geologists'. At this time of year do you say: 'Greetings, seasoned geologists!'

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:25 | 780860 monopoly
monopoly's picture

Feels good to laugh.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:33 | 780872 Joe Grannville
Joe Grannville's picture

I never said she was a quadriplegic hooker. I'm going to keep on sending in my gold until those bastards pay up.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:38 | 780910 akak
akak's picture

To get what is truly rightfully yours, Joe, I suggest you dump the fake nuggets and go back to shacking up with the quadripalegic hooker --- she may posess a few STD's that you have not yet acquired.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:47 | 780941 Joe Grannville
Joe Grannville's picture

Hey Akak, don't be pissed.  I was going to invite you to my birthday party at McDonalds but the last time I saw you there you were gettin' yelled at by the manager for burnin' the fries again!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:31 | 780889 pitterrier
pitterrier's picture

It cried and pissed in my pants with laughter.  Very, very funny.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 04:46 | 781489 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

"Easily the 'Feel-Good' letter of the year!" :>D

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:34 | 780894 Fishing Chimps
Fishing Chimps's picture

A quadriplegic Singapore hooker? Thanks for locating my ex, Tyler. I sometimes wondered where that skank had gotten to.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 01:20 | 781273 knukles
knukles's picture

She never told me she was married before!  Bitch.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:34 | 780897 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

It's cute, but boy it sure looks like a fake.  I don't believe for a moment an employee at Cash4Gold actually wrote this letter.  Everything about it is all wrong.

 

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:13 | 781017 saulysw
saulysw's picture

The thought had gone through my mind too -- but hey, just go with it.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:41 | 781210 drwells
drwells's picture

Yeah, no one's going to quote all that shit. The incorrect apostrophization of telemarketers is a good touch though.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:44 | 781219 Bob
Bob's picture

Seemed blatantly clear to me as well--but still funny as hell!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:34 | 780899 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

"Your demand for an ungreased Hammertime, backdoor lovemaking session with our telemarketers . . . "    Oh shit, I've got tears in my eyes!!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:35 | 780901 McMia
McMia's picture

So what do you suppose the going rate is nowadays for a Singaporean quadrapalegic hooker? And what would that be in devalued US$?

And are they good at sniffing out gold painted rocks?

...

 

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 11:23 | 781945 AbandonShip
AbandonShip's picture

You can check here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orchard_Towers

On my first trip to Singapore earlier this year I stopped in this building on the first night to buy SIM cards for our phones.  The place was crawling with sleazy girls.  Later found out this building is known as "Four Floors of Whores" for a reason. 

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:37 | 780909 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

" . . .is feral and preposterous"    Poetry!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:38 | 780912 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

Robo, is that you?

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:40 | 780918 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

I thought I was just perverted.  Now I find out I am "feral and preposterous."  Feels like a promotion.  Thanks Tyler, we needed that;)

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 10:17 | 781755 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

LOL!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:42 | 780922 papaswamp
papaswamp's picture

So that is the bastard that stole my quadriplegic hooker in singapore!!!!!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 06:42 | 781554 PrDtR
PrDtR's picture

I NEED me one of those quadriplegic hookers..

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:42 | 780923 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

M.C. Hammer "Can't Touch This" and Rick James "Superfreak" fusion - big pants, booty, classic bass line:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ws3Z66U6RKc

Gold, need more gold, this video makes me want more...

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:49 | 780943 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Yo fuck R&B and the runnin' man...

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:43 | 780925 Doctor sahab
Doctor sahab's picture

Cash4Gold can't punctuate either: telemarketers not "telemarketer's"

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:53 | 780961 JohnG
JohnG's picture

No one expects the apostrophe police.....

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 01:27 | 781284 knukles
knukles's picture

Not anymore. 
It'd be politically incorrect to criticize the school system.  Maybe get either the Thought Police or the Do Not Remove This Tag Pillow and Quadriplegic Stuffing Police but nope, no Punctuation Penalties anymore. 
Modern society has moved way the fuck past that.

Everybody needs a good laugh these days,   because there's not much funny anymore.  Merry Recession!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 07:43 | 781582 Unholy Dalliance
Unholy Dalliance's picture

Shouldn't that be 'the Apostrophe Inquisition' or were you not quoting from Monty Python?

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 08:52 | 781611 NumberNone
NumberNone's picture

All of that funny and that's all you took from it?  Keep looking for that cloud in the silver lining my friend. 

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:46 | 780934 nmewn
nmewn's picture

+ an order of fried shrimp ;-) 

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:51 | 780953 tmosley
tmosley's picture

That made me guffaw with some weird noises I've never heard before.

 

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 01:50 | 781308 Red Neck Repugnicant
Red Neck Repugnicant's picture

That's probably due to the gonorrhea bacteria penetrating your carotid sheath and attacking the vagus nerve in your throat.  Not only do you get a hoarse voice, you'll notice a swamp-ass odor enveloping your entire head. 

This is the clearest indication thus far that you need to spend less time sucking off spunk cannons, and more time working on your GED.   

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 02:35 | 781366 CrockettAlmanac.com
CrockettAlmanac.com's picture

Aww, you wuv him!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 02:46 | 781376 Peace is the x-axis
Peace is the x-axis's picture

Feel the love.

From popping off my first ZH junk.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 02:49 | 781382 Peace is the x-axis
Peace is the x-axis's picture

Sorry Crockett. Got so excited, I popped off that first junk early... and you got in the way.

Fortunately there's plenty more where that came from.

 

 

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 05:40 | 781527 CrockettAlmanac.com
CrockettAlmanac.com's picture

No problem. But you know, you can click again to unjunk, too.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 03:08 | 781404 Aristarchan
Aristarchan's picture

Holy shit, Neck! and I thought I just had bad breath........

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 03:15 | 781410 akak
akak's picture

RNR, thank you for your high dive into the intellectual and moral gutter.   I just wish you hadn't splashed quite so much filth onto the unwilling spectators in the process.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 08:44 | 781603 NumberNone
NumberNone's picture

Either RNR has given up on trying to pursuade people to the liberal side of the fence and decided to just throw hate bombs or his account may have been hacked. 

The letter is funny but faker than the gold rocks they supposedly tried to send in...but it doesn't take away creativeness of it.  Very funny.  

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:55 | 780967 JohnG
JohnG's picture

Hmmmm, now where DID i stash that tungsten?

Honey, can I use some of your gold leaf christmas seals?

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 22:57 | 780971 moofph
moofph's picture

...cash for gold giving me laughs for free...perhaps mr. haberney should have petitioned for a greased backdoor?

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:10 | 781011 columbia1
columbia1's picture

That made my night!!!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:24 | 781044 Madhouse
Madhouse's picture

A successful free advertising bid. Well done for a group of scumbuckets from a scummy Florida town, well done..

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:26 | 781048 jhalmos
jhalmos's picture

You must admit, the reply is excellent. Very unbank-like. 

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:27 | 781050 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Good article on Gold.  Perhaps Tyler can "wiki" the slides.

http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2010/11/brodsky-on-gold/

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:31 | 781062 SparkySC
SparkySC's picture

These nuggets are similar in truth when compared to the gold/tungsten bars in fort knox

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 01:37 | 781303 knukles
knukles's picture

Bags-O'-Nuggets.

And how many, Mr Geithner, did you say that were found in the audit of the vault at Fort Knox?  Three?  Three fucking little teenie weenie ittie bittie tiny things the size of Barney Frank's nut-sack labelled "Bags-O'-Nuggets" with a Woolworth's price tag for 5 cents each and one bag of stale, spoiled gold wrapped chocolates embossed with "Happy New Year 1933"? 
And you tell me the audit is complete and no further fucking activities were deemed warranted because you were in Pompano, Florida looking for a quadriplegic telemarketer lady named Tracey from Singapore? 
Timmah!  Look at me!  I'm trying to help here.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 04:50 | 781493 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Your talents are being wasted here!  Try to get in touch with Robin Williams (or Kevin Bacon!) :>D

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:31 | 781063 UP4Liberty
UP4Liberty's picture

Brilliant...thanks for the much needed laughs!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:34 | 781073 Sockeye
Sockeye's picture

Way too funny. Solid gold!

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:37 | 781075 Joe44oz
Joe44oz's picture

Haha! Love it. Pass the tu-sheng-peng.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:38 | 781080 penisouraus erecti
penisouraus erecti's picture

Not likely real, but hilarious nevertheless.

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:39 | 781083 kalum
kalum's picture

tyler I hate it when you post things that are itsy bitsy script. Then I have to screw afround for 5 minutes tobring it to a level I can read.

 

F it cant get thisa math thing to post

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:54 | 781129 Encroaching Darkness
Encroaching Darkness's picture

Goddammit, do you know how _hard_ it is to electroplate fake gold onto rocks? They should pay me just for figuring out how to do that......

And now they cast aspersions on my quadraplegic hooker? THAT'S THE LAST STRAW!!!

 

A thousand thank-yous to Mr. Haberny; I haven't laughed that hard and that long for months. Keep it rockin', bro !

Sun, 12/05/2010 - 23:56 | 781131 Stuart
Stuart's picture

Takes all kinds.  Still, you've got to be a special breed of stupid to send your valuable gold away via an express pack to complete strangers in hopes they will be kind enough and honest enough to send you back what it was worth in dollars, all the while not even knowing what it's worth to know if you were ripped off.... LOL.   As I said, takes all kinds. 

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:23 | 781174 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

My favorite COPS episode ever was one from Miami, where a radio car was dispatched to a convenience store to deal with a "man causing a disturbance."

The cops met up with a middle-aged gentleman who somewhat resembled Nick Nolte.  After a few minutes discussion, he confided to one of the officers that he had gotten high that evening--smoking crack with a few other gentlemen he'd met.  He had given them his car keys because they were going to go somewhere and pick up more crack and return so they could all smoke it together.  He wasn't permitted to go with them because he might spook their supplier.

I learned a very important lesson watching that program.  Probably the most valuable thing I've ever learned from the teevee.

When you're cracked out with a bunch of strangers, don't give them your car keys.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:01 | 781137 rich_maverick
rich_maverick's picture

Maybe all Zero Hedge folks should "send in rocks" to Cash4Gold, claiming "there is gold in them rocks!".  This would hurt their "free, postage paid envelopes" approach to marketing.  If people had to ship their gold on their own dime, it would avoid them from being scammed.

 

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:49 | 781226 Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

Love it! Nothi wrong with that. There really is a molecule of gold in many rocks.

I always saw these cash for gold as rip offs for the ignorant and broke and easy was of cashing in grandmas jewelry for addicts.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 01:44 | 781316 A_MacLaren
A_MacLaren's picture

Anyone want to buy bonafide gold ore to give it a try?

I can supply the ore.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 03:30 | 781422 saulysw
saulysw's picture

Let's get Max Keiser onto it! Send in one rock each and bring down cash-for-gold!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 10:32 | 781738 rich_maverick
rich_maverick's picture

Max is busy with his "buy silver, kill JPM".  Guy needs to stay focused.  Too many moving balls ends up with failure.  Max is a guy after all, and multi-tasking may be too much for him...  

Just thinking that some places, such as Cash4Gold, are minor parasites to society.  They prey on the week and gullible.  If they think they can screw over the little people with their business model, we should use their business model against them.  Their pre-paid envelopes have to be a significant cost to them.  If sufficient people send in "heavy" junk to them, we get 2 benefits:

1) US Postal Service can hopefully one day become profitable and not require further bailouts.

2) The less money they make, the less they can afford to advertise... and suck in more and more people.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:03 | 781141 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Awesome!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:04 | 781142 Irwin Fletcher
Irwin Fletcher's picture

I wonder if the quadriplegic Singapore hooker had any teeth. Maybe I'll write the CFTC a few letters of support for Mr. Haberny, and see if I get an equally funny response. 

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:06 | 781150 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Bang dae kok4gold.

Bang dae ho4gold.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 04:53 | 781497 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

ALL RIGHT!  MsCreant FTW!! :>D

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:11 | 781160 UGrev
UGrev's picture

I just have to say that Root Beer fucking burns like a mother fucker when it comes out of your nose... my fucking ribs hurt from laughter!!!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:37 | 781202 BigSkyBear
BigSkyBear's picture

HA! - What a riot, even if NOT real.

 

 

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:42 | 781213 RossInvestor
RossInvestor's picture

Glenn Beck is a "spokesperson" for GoldLine not Cash4Gold.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 01:42 | 781312 knukles
knukles's picture

Well I do declare, move on over motherfucker, room for Keith Olberman!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 00:49 | 781231 Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

Best laugh all week!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 01:02 | 781249 Kyron95131
Kyron95131's picture

omg this is priceless!

ive been laughing for like 15 minutes straight...

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 01:38 | 781305 walcott
walcott's picture

awesome :)

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 02:55 | 781367 squexx
squexx's picture

LOL!!!! That is hilarious!!! I remember a few years ago, a guy wrote a funny article about sending them gold spray painted stuff. He even spray painted some macaroni gold and sent it. They sent him a check for about a dollar or something. It was a very good read.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 03:47 | 781439 destiny
destiny's picture

Excellent !!!!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 04:47 | 781490 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

Thanks for the belly laugh. Listening to Bernanke on 60 Minutes tonight....shit....it was like listening to 10 minutes of lies by a murder perp in the Miami PD interogation room on "The First 48". I REALLY NEEDED THAT FREAKIN" LAUGH!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 04:51 | 781495 Goldenballs
Goldenballs's picture

Top letter .................. hilarious.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 05:58 | 781539 FreeMartinArmstrong
FreeMartinArmstrong's picture

+ 1

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 06:11 | 781545 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

WHOEHAHAHAHA!

The part where he asks for to host his birthday party at Mcdonalds :)

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 09:35 | 781666 Ese Pinche
Ese Pinche's picture

+10

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 07:41 | 781579 SergeiTheBig
SergeiTheBig's picture

So, I guess we have to make US Mint to print Copper Dollars or better Copper Rods with US Mint seal. Then buy it all and force JPM into Max Keiser's Plan To Destroy JPM.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 07:41 | 781580 The Axe
The Axe's picture

classic humor..

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 07:46 | 781583 JonNadler
JonNadler's picture

what if everybody started doing that? sending gold painted rocks to them?

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 09:02 | 781623 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Would it be called the "Get your rocks off" campaign?

GeturRock$Off2Cash4Gold

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 09:59 | 781702 JonNadler
JonNadler's picture

HA HA HA HA!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 15:27 | 782931 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

The picture makes better sense this way. The arms are crossed as a form of protection. I warned you on another thread, do not remove your bra. 

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 08:26 | 781593 Azannoth
Azannoth's picture

I got my 14k nuggets from a Garage Sale at Fort Knox, need to get them asseset ASAP

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 09:00 | 781621 Clapham Junction
Clapham Junction's picture

Your avatar is eerily like mine.

 

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 09:12 | 781632 HungrySeagull
HungrySeagull's picture

I am just waiting for someone to take the brass balls off a certain establishment and ship them after plating the ding dongs with gold.

 

The size of the signature on the bottom shows loss of temper and exceeding thin patience. Maybe in the future they can reformat the form letter printers to accomodate very angry signers on a extra long sheet of paper.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 09:11 | 781633 Ese Pinche
Ese Pinche's picture

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAH... LMFAO... and it is framed!  Simply Genius.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 09:24 | 781656 Abraham Snake
Abraham Snake's picture

Reminds me of "Extra Nutty [Letters from a Nut]" books by Ted Nancy.

 

But what I find disheartening is the proliferation of "We Buy Gold" store fronts that are popping up everywhere. What I see is that older business and restaurants are failing and many of those vacant retail spaces are being leased to corporate owned pawn shops and gold buyers which are arguably predatory-by-nature establishments.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 10:09 | 781731 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

My uncle manages for one of the chains that have set up in the malls. Last time I saw him, he said that he can pay up to 95% of spot.

I'm guessing competition is increasing.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 09:54 | 781696 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Hammertime!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 09:58 | 781699 Client 9
Client 9's picture

http://seekingalpha.com/article/235917-gold-bubble-final-warning

 

So why could Gold be a Bubble? 1) Rapid price run-up. Prices never run up forever; they always come back to stable levels. Gold prices are up almost 500 percent since 2000 and almost 1300 percent since the mid-70s. At some point they have to come back down. When that will happen is still in question, but they will stabilize at some point. And stabilization may involve a quick plunge in prices. 2) “We Buy Gold” everywhere! In the past two years, there have been more “sell your gold” commercials and “we buy gold” stores than ever before. It seems as if everywhere I go or look I see some kind of reference to gold. The prevalence of these stores and commercials not only points to market saturation, but also points to the massive spotlight that has been shining on Gold. 3) EXTREME speculation. A bubble requires investors to be so absolutely certain that prices will continue to rise that they actually neglect to protect themselves from the risks involved. By asking “How high is Gold heading?” instead of “Why is Gold going up?” or “Can Gold go higher?” we’re actually ignoring the downside involved, which can lead to severe panic if Gold actually does start to drop. Here is why extreme speculation is here and very dangerous:
a. Common investors can now buy gold. With the introduction of the Gold ETF (GLD), any person who wants to buy gold can easily do so by simply buying the GLD. Before 2004 the only way to buy gold was to buy the actual thing. If gold is available to everyone, and becomes the hot new commodity, a bubble is definitely possible. b. No hedging by the mining companies. In order to protect their businesses from a sudden decline in Gold prices, mining companies have generally hedged themselves by owning some put options or other forms of derivatives that would limit their losses in case of such declines. And the higher the price of gold, the more dangerous the price decline is for the miners. But because most of the miners think that gold prices are going to continue rising, they have recently stopped hedging themselves. At a time when protection is actually the most important in the history of their businesses, they’ve joined the gold craze and ceased to hedge. This has to be one of the most counter-intuitive moves I’ve ever seen. Hedges are protections “just in case” prices go down; miners seem to have forgetten that “just in case” is a small bet compared to the potential devastation they may be setting themselves up for.
4) Gold isn’t enough! With Gold prices soaring, investors have looked for new ways to take advantage of the run-up. Not only have investors run the price of gold (GLD) to high levels, but they have found ways to leverage their positions and even increase speculation in related metals. First, Gold itself was enough (GLD). Then, when investors wanted increased returns if gold went up, they bet on the gold miners through the Gold Miners' GDX ETF; the GDX moves in correlation to GLD, but with a higher beta (in essence, if GLD goes up GDX should move proportionally higher). Now it seems even the regular miners aren’t enough! Investors are now going even further downstream, betting on the junior miners (GDXJ). The junior miners are not only a third derivative bet (Gold-Gold miners-junior miners), but they also signal the extreme belief investors have that prices will continue higher. And if a third-derivative play in Gold wasn’t enough, investors have speculated in the entire precious metals sector. Since Gold is going higher, they say, so should the prices of related metals. And to satisfy investors’ insatiable demand for these metals, the “Glitter” ETF (GLTR), composed of gold, silver, platinum, and palladium investments, was introduced on October 22nd. And if metals weren’t enough, investors have also chased “Rare-Earth” resources through companies such as Rare-Earth-Elements (REE) and Molycorp (MCP). Not only did Molycorp CEO, Mark Smiths, recently “mistakenly” call the Rare-Earth craze a “BUBBLE” (“I don’t think short-term prices in rare earth (minerals) are prices people ought to be counting on…they are really spiked right now and there may be a bubble occurring because of all of the news and the frenzy.”), but the fact that REE and MCP are up about 500 percent and 300 percent respectively since the summer should be enough of a warning.
5) Gold Vending Machines. It wasn’t enough for Gold to be bought at jewelry stores or through distributors directly. They have now built vending machines from which to buy Gold! A German company, Gold-To-Go, has began setting up vending machines around the world in order to attract the average investor. Buying Gold coins and bars from a vending machine? I hear “BUBBLE”! 6) Inflation or Deflation? Gold prices have increased due to fears over currency and economic growth. But buyers of Gold have bought Gold both due to fears of deflation and due to the potential for inflation. In other words, some bought Gold because they expect deflation and some bought it because they expect inflation – but one of the two is wrong! We can’t have both deflation and inflation; therefore, a considerable number of investors are wrong and have pushed the price of Gold up farther than is warranted. 7) Front Page of the Wall Street Journal. When a story makes the front page of a widely-circulated newspaper or magazine, it signals widespread recognition of that story or theme. Since heavily-distributed newspapers and magazines tend to reflect the widespread sentiment of its readers and the general population, a front-page headline signals the acceptance of that idea as consensus. It’s been a fairly long-standing negative omen for the market when major cover stories marvel at the wondrous bull-market run-ups and, inversely, a positive omen for the market when cover stories mourn the death of markets. That said, positive cover stories regarding investment themes are bad omens, signaling an upcoming pause or correction, if not an end to that theme. Gold made just such an appearance on September 29, 2010 on the front page of the Wall Street Journal, in an article titled “Gold Vaults to New High.” If a front page spot is a signal of widespread acceptance and a warning of an upcoming correction, the Gold Bubble is alive, but probably not so well.
Mon, 12/06/2010 - 10:25 | 781769 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Hey District 9, gold seems to headed AWAY from your $1,000 target?  How's that short position looking today?

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 10:51 | 781852 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Gold is way undervalued, stocks and bonds are the bubble.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 12:54 | 782273 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture

If Gold prices fail to close at new highs within the next few days, expect this to be a short-term peak if not the long-term top.

Article written on Nov. 10th, 2010.  Graph shows gold at about $1,350.

Gold now at $1,419.

I guess the "new highs" have been met.

Now what?

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 10:53 | 781856 FluffyCone
FluffyCone's picture

This is too funny.  I love it!!!  We should all send gold painted rocks to Cash4Gold.  BTW, can I get a PDF copy of that letter?  I want to frame a copy in my office.  And maybe a picture of those rocks?  What was the original letter you sent to them?

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 11:28 | 781964 sanych
sanych's picture

The letter is not dated.  It is total b/s.

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 11:41 | 781997 phatheadfred
phatheadfred's picture

i think i pissed myself, yes I did!  Even if the letter/response is fake, still worth it's weight in gold for the laughs!  Thanks!

Mon, 12/06/2010 - 19:02 | 783804 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That was funny as hell.

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ytpl22's picture

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Sat, 07/09/2011 - 08:51 | 1439374 ytpl22
ytpl22's picture

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