The CNBC Business Model

Tyler Durden's picture

Whit the recent elimination of anything even remotely approaching journalistic rigor or analysis, and its substitution with endless propaganda and the pitching of "hope" as an investment conduit, many have been scratching their heads over the question of just how it is that CNBC is still on the air, let alone make money: after all selling hope is a very expensive process.

I provide the answer.

Below is an early segment from CNBC in which Joe Kernan provides his analysis of Schwab's just released results. As the video quality is pretty bad (yeah, I know, sorry) I will summarize how it works:

1. Intro - Kernan: Glowing review of Schwab's EPS "beat"

2. Kernan: "Schwab is a fine, fine company and a fine individual."

3. Kernan: "...and quite a sponsor for us."

4. Kernan: "...and we are ready to just be sponsored on Squawk Box."

5. Conclusion - Kernan: "...I don't think you can have too much [of Schwab]."

6. Cut to Charles Schwab Commercial.

So now you know.


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Undertaker's picture
Undertaker (not verified) Jul 16, 2009 10:07 AM

That was kind of like a reach around on a porn flick me thinks.

Anonymous's picture

I have been trading own account for 10 years, I avoid this channel at all cost. In our trading room we call it Comedy Network Business Channel.

economessed's picture

CNBC is an entertainment venue that uses the financial sector for its material.


At what point in this modern society did we begin to believe that television broadcasting (or even radio, for that matter) -- a one-way, pre-ordained communications conduit -- was a valid source of education or suitable machinery for development of "the truth?"


Taleb had it right when he reminded us that even the stoic media institutions in this country that we "believe in" selectively choose the "facts" that they use to conduct their arguments.


I treat CNBC for what it is -- a profit-motivated enterprise that has no incentive to enrich or aid me in any way.  Any benefit I derive for consuming their product is a completely random occurance.  But in many ways, watching CNBC is a window into the game plan of your opponent. 

ff2017's picture

In the late 1990s during the tech bubble.

Anonymous's picture

They pal around too much with terrorists!

Anonymous's picture

Economessed, you hit the nail on the head. No other comments are needed!

Anonymous's picture

LOL where was melissa francis during all of this- did anyone check under the desk??

Will Profit's picture

Now that's entertainment! CNBCs perfect sponsor? Summers Eve Douche.

ptoemmes's picture

"I am rethinking everything.  Including who I trust to look after my <fill in the blank>"


I know the commercial said money, the sequence just struck me.



Come on CAPTCHA gimme a tough one.

Anonymous's picture

Don't say that...they'll have us computing pi out to 15 decimal places! :)

zeropointfield's picture
zeropointfield (not verified) Jul 16, 2009 10:46 AM

pi = 4 sum_(k=0)^infinity(-1)^k/(2 k+1)
Mako's picture

Why is everyone watching it? 


If you believe all this... turn it off, don't turn back on. 

Tyler Durden's picture

People need to be made aware of just how conflicted CNBC is... and hopefully NEVER invest 1 cent based on anything that the channel discusses or recommends.

EQ's picture

CNBC has a great new show coming up highlighting the porn industry.  It's good to see the whores and charlatans on CNBC have leared their lesson after pumping the equity market into 2000, then pumping the China story, commodities, sovereign wealth, foreign investing, homebuilders, etc into 2008.  And now they are out in front of the next crisis with renewed journalistic integrity and vigor.  Porn. 


These are some of the dumbest muther fruckers in "journalism".

aldousd's picture

It's very entertaining when you notice that CNBC lately runs specials on Pot Smoking, Porn, Gambling, and Prostitution, and then you notice that they've been hiring women for their... brains.   Good show guys! Rally?

Mako's picture

Everybody knows.


Vote with your wallet, simply turn it off. 

Jon Stewart has been ripping Cramer for months it doesn't mean a thing.  Everyone is ripping on Big Bird and he is loving it, he wants to be the new Dark Vader.  Turn it off. 

Screwball's picture

Agree TD.  Please continue to expose them for the frauds and liars they are.


The investing public deserves much better.  Blogs like this one and others that help expose them can only help.


Keep up the good work TD and ZH.

ShankyS's picture

Just as Fox was Bush's medium, now CNBS is O's medium to the sheeple. (National Barac Channel)

Anonymous's picture

you obviously don't watch the show. Where in the world did you get the idea that CNBC is a fan of Obama?

ptoemmes's picture

MSNBC - usually.  NBC - occassionally.  CNBC - no.


no1ego's picture

Well done. This is a piece that could be of benefit to retail investors.

Anonymous's picture

When you have a storm, Tsunami, Hurricane, etc - "the Masses" are glued to the Weather Channel - ratings spike, etc.

When you have OJ in a white bronco chase - "the people" watch CNN - ratings spike.

When you have an IRAQ invasion - "the public" focus on CNN again - and watch it 24hrs....

BUT - when you have a financial melt down that never ends and financially impacts all... it's like a storm, OJ Chase, WAR, Tsunami that never ends, day after day after day - people are glued to the "show" seeking info, a conclusion, judgment of who "wronged us" - who are the BAD, and GOOD - and what is "fair" and "just" -and politics, and etc, etc,, etc.

In fact - the realization of the true Social / Political implications of the communications Revolution [Network] - found on this VERY web page and dozens like it - are at the bennefit of this very same financial meltdown - and new found interest for the masses to ask "why" and organize arround a new, all be it "populist" cause to action...

I think its great - and we are part of a new chapter unfolding as the classic media / Gov / Big Corp control of info and organization is shattered -

Anonymous's picture

Note to All: I have extracted the CAPTCHA answer cracking code from the Aleynikov's code dump, and will be willing to sell it for $10,000...

Anonymous's picture

tyler, their commercials on MSM make me SO annoyed with their cartoon characters saying "I'm moving my accounts... I'm doing something about it" (referring to last September)

these bullshit artists should be put in a public stockade for a good rotten tomato toss.

Ps Charles is OUT, they like to be called "Chuck" now.

Its cooler.

aldousd's picture

"I'm not thinking about moving my money. I AM moving it..." into an investment in several gallons of cheap stock liquor.

Anonymous's picture

....well it's simple... they belong to Jeffery Immelt and the very unsuccessful GE Corp. Send a letter to GE NY City. I have. My favorite is KARL the Kommunist Quintanilla.

And have you noticed many of their snorting heads are showing up on MSNBC? Maria B was on this AM and looked like a fish out of air.....

agrotera's picture

i watched fox last night and noticed that morganstanlysmithbarney is now a sponsor--THAT was a big mistake for fox.

quant-this's picture

C'mon now - Hope is the new bubble.

Anonymous's picture

Best. Economic assessment. Evah.

Anonymous's picture

Hey, we just need more hope and fortitude, you digital dickweeds.

Anonymous's picture

I like how in the screen freeze his mouth is just a play button.

Didn't watch the clip, but it's fun to imagine all the sponsors shoving their fat fingers at his mouth button over and over

Anonymous's picture

...and have you noticed that Rick Santelli is fading into obscurity ever since he had the audacity to oppose OBAMAMA?

Anonymous's picture

The CNBC week:
Mo-Fr: continuous nonsense about financial markets. One big celebration of casino-capitalism and implicit or open anti-europeism
Sat: golf
Sun: praise the Lord

Anonymous's picture

CNBC/Bloomberg: financial pornography. Addictive despite all. I always wonder: do they really believe what they are saying or to do they actually know that they are talking bullshit essentially. The latter case would leave me with at least some relief.

Anonymous's picture

It's not financial pornography; it's just pornography.

Anonymous's picture

CNBC-formercial is to finance what ESPN is to sports.

Gilgamesh's picture

Found this funny from RAN:


Rochdale Securities' Bove says "the reality is that this was a very bad quarter for JP Morgan Chase (JPM)" US STOCKS

- Bove cites loan and deposit declines, lower margins and higher non-performing assets, also “disappointing” principal transaction results for assessment.

Anonymous's picture

CNBC = CNBS. If you listen to these clowns, and take their advice and direction, you might as well just write someone a check for everything you have and be done with it. Seriously, they are tryign to sell or peddle their crap that the economy is now is full recovery mode,..just unbelievable.

joann's picture

That temper tantrum by Drama Queen Kudlow directed to Kunchinich was absolutely an insult to my intelligence.  What a dickhead shill Kudlow has become.


CNBS is officially an infomercial content only. 

Anonymous's picture

Hilarious fragment. Is this Kudlowclown on crackcocaine or something? The lady is also pretty far from reality.

Gilgamesh's picture

I've sworn more than once that Kudlow and Maria share thier happy dust backset, but the ladies keep sayin that Maria's ass is way too large for her to be a cokehead.

Anonymous's picture

This is an entertainment channel. Same as Entertainment tonight.

Anonymous's picture

cnbc has a lot to do and it must have been a slow news day for them to go out and interview idiots like some guy named max hardcore, aka paul little before he goes to jail.

Miles Kendig's picture

I remember surfing by and they were discussing wearing "snuggies" for that sponsor. 

Anonymous's picture


Anonymous's picture

I am still holding my FAZ shares. To the end.

draino's picture

cnbc has a lot to do and it must have been a slow news day for them to go out and interview idiots like some guy named
18. Markets are being manipulated by liquidity injections.
19. Bankruptcies are up 50% YOY.
20. Consumer spending continues to decrease. (Critical)
21. Oil prices are soaring, putting pressure on the consumer.
hat tip to http://... good finance articles

Anonymous's picture

I've turned off CNBC for some time.

My question: is Bloomberg any better? Or should we just not use TV as a medium for keeping up with accurate financial news?