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The CNBC Business Model

Tyler Durden's picture


Whit the recent elimination of anything even remotely approaching journalistic rigor or analysis, and its substitution with endless propaganda and the pitching of "hope" as an investment conduit, many have been scratching their heads over the question of just how it is that CNBC is still on the air, let alone make money: after all selling hope is a very expensive process.

I provide the answer.

Below is an early segment from CNBC in which Joe Kernan provides his analysis of Schwab's just released results. As the video quality is pretty bad (yeah, I know, sorry) I will summarize how it works:

1. Intro - Kernan: Glowing review of Schwab's EPS "beat"

2. Kernan: "Schwab is a fine, fine company and a fine individual."

3. Kernan: "...and quite a sponsor for us."

4. Kernan: "...and we are ready to just be sponsored on Squawk Box."

5. Conclusion - Kernan: "...I don't think you can have too much [of Schwab]."

6. Cut to Charles Schwab Commercial.

So now you know.



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Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:07 | 7783 Undertaker (not verified)
Undertaker's picture

That was kind of like a reach around on a porn flick me thinks.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:11 | 7784 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

I have been trading own account for 10 years, I avoid this channel at all cost. In our trading room we call it Comedy Network Business Channel.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:13 | 7786 economessed
economessed's picture

CNBC is an entertainment venue that uses the financial sector for its material.


At what point in this modern society did we begin to believe that television broadcasting (or even radio, for that matter) -- a one-way, pre-ordained communications conduit -- was a valid source of education or suitable machinery for development of "the truth?"


Taleb had it right when he reminded us that even the stoic media institutions in this country that we "believe in" selectively choose the "facts" that they use to conduct their arguments.


I treat CNBC for what it is -- a profit-motivated enterprise that has no incentive to enrich or aid me in any way.  Any benefit I derive for consuming their product is a completely random occurance.  But in many ways, watching CNBC is a window into the game plan of your opponent. 

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 11:29 | 7821 ff2017
ff2017's picture

In the late 1990s during the tech bubble.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 14:58 | 7941 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

They pal around too much with terrorists!

Sat, 07/18/2009 - 03:35 | 9366 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Economessed, you hit the nail on the head. No other comments are needed!

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:13 | 7787 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

LOL where was melissa francis during all of this- did anyone check under the desk??

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:17 | 7788 Will Profit
Will Profit's picture

Now that's entertainment! CNBCs perfect sponsor? Summers Eve Douche.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:22 | 7790 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

"I am rethinking everything.  Including who I trust to look after my <fill in the blank>"


I know the commercial said money, the sequence just struck me.



Come on CAPTCHA gimme a tough one.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:40 | 7797 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Don't say that...they'll have us computing pi out to 15 decimal places! :)

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:46 | 7800 zeropointfield (not verified)
zeropointfield's picture

pi = 4 sum_(k=0)^infinity(-1)^k/(2 k+1)
Thu, 07/16/2009 - 14:51 | 7937 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture


Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:39 | 7796 Mako
Mako's picture

Why is everyone watching it? 


If you believe all this... turn it off, don't turn back on. 

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:42 | 7799 Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden's picture

People need to be made aware of just how conflicted CNBC is... and hopefully NEVER invest 1 cent based on anything that the channel discusses or recommends.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 11:10 | 7813 EQ
EQ's picture

CNBC has a great new show coming up highlighting the porn industry.  It's good to see the whores and charlatans on CNBC have leared their lesson after pumping the equity market into 2000, then pumping the China story, commodities, sovereign wealth, foreign investing, homebuilders, etc into 2008.  And now they are out in front of the next crisis with renewed journalistic integrity and vigor.  Porn. 


These are some of the dumbest muther fruckers in "journalism".

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 11:17 | 7816 aldousd
aldousd's picture

It's very entertaining when you notice that CNBC lately runs specials on Pot Smoking, Porn, Gambling, and Prostitution, and then you notice that they've been hiring women for their... brains.   Good show guys! Rally?

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 11:46 | 7829 Mako
Mako's picture

Everybody knows.


Vote with your wallet, simply turn it off. 

Jon Stewart has been ripping Cramer for months it doesn't mean a thing.  Everyone is ripping on Big Bird and he is loving it, he wants to be the new Dark Vader.  Turn it off. 

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 11:46 | 7831 Screwball
Screwball's picture

Agree TD.  Please continue to expose them for the frauds and liars they are.


The investing public deserves much better.  Blogs like this one and others that help expose them can only help.


Keep up the good work TD and ZH.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:48 | 7803 ShankyS
ShankyS's picture

Just as Fox was Bush's medium, now CNBS is O's medium to the sheeple. (National Barac Channel)

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 15:05 | 7948 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

you obviously don't watch the show. Where in the world did you get the idea that CNBC is a fan of Obama?

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 18:52 | 8155 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

MSNBC - usually.  NBC - occassionally.  CNBC - no.


Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:59 | 7808 no1ego
no1ego's picture

Well done. This is a piece that could be of benefit to retail investors.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 10:59 | 7809 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

When you have a storm, Tsunami, Hurricane, etc - "the Masses" are glued to the Weather Channel - ratings spike, etc.

When you have OJ in a white bronco chase - "the people" watch CNN - ratings spike.

When you have an IRAQ invasion - "the public" focus on CNN again - and watch it 24hrs....

BUT - when you have a financial melt down that never ends and financially impacts all... it's like a storm, OJ Chase, WAR, Tsunami that never ends, day after day after day - people are glued to the "show" seeking info, a conclusion, judgment of who "wronged us" - who are the BAD, and GOOD - and what is "fair" and "just" -and politics, and etc, etc,, etc.

In fact - the realization of the true Social / Political implications of the communications Revolution [Network] - found on this VERY web page and dozens like it - are at the bennefit of this very same financial meltdown - and new found interest for the masses to ask "why" and organize arround a new, all be it "populist" cause to action...

I think its great - and we are part of a new chapter unfolding as the classic media / Gov / Big Corp control of info and organization is shattered -

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 11:07 | 7811 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Note to All: I have extracted the CAPTCHA answer cracking code from the Aleynikov's code dump, and will be willing to sell it for $10,000...

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 11:10 | 7814 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

tyler, their commercials on MSM make me SO annoyed with their cartoon characters saying "I'm moving my accounts... I'm doing something about it" (referring to last September)

these bullshit artists should be put in a public stockade for a good rotten tomato toss.

Ps Charles is OUT, they like to be called "Chuck" now.

Its cooler.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 11:20 | 7817 aldousd
aldousd's picture

"I'm not thinking about moving my money. I AM moving it..." into an investment in several gallons of cheap stock liquor.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 11:35 | 7825 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

....well it's simple... they belong to Jeffery Immelt and the very unsuccessful GE Corp. Send a letter to GE NY City. I have. My favorite is KARL the Kommunist Quintanilla.

And have you noticed many of their snorting heads are showing up on MSNBC? Maria B was on this AM and looked like a fish out of air.....

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 11:57 | 7839 agrotera
agrotera's picture

i watched fox last night and noticed that morganstanlysmithbarney is now a sponsor--THAT was a big mistake for fox.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 11:59 | 7840 quant-this
quant-this's picture

C'mon now - Hope is the new bubble.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 16:27 | 8014 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Best. Economic assessment. Evah.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 12:43 | 7866 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Hey, we just need more hope and fortitude, you digital dickweeds.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 12:47 | 7870 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

I like how in the screen freeze his mouth is just a play button.

Didn't watch the clip, but it's fun to imagine all the sponsors shoving their fat fingers at his mouth button over and over

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 13:15 | 7884 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

...and have you noticed that Rick Santelli is fading into obscurity ever since he had the audacity to oppose OBAMAMA?

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 13:17 | 7887 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

The CNBC week:
Mo-Fr: continuous nonsense about financial markets. One big celebration of casino-capitalism and implicit or open anti-europeism
Sat: golf
Sun: praise the Lord

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 13:30 | 7897 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

CNBC/Bloomberg: financial pornography. Addictive despite all. I always wonder: do they really believe what they are saying or to do they actually know that they are talking bullshit essentially. The latter case would leave me with at least some relief.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 15:03 | 7945 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

It's not financial pornography; it's just pornography.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 13:33 | 7899 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

CNBC-formercial is to finance what ESPN is to sports.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 13:35 | 7900 Gilgamesh
Gilgamesh's picture

Found this funny from RAN:


Rochdale Securities' Bove says "the reality is that this was a very bad quarter for JP Morgan Chase (JPM)" US STOCKS

- Bove cites loan and deposit declines, lower margins and higher non-performing assets, also “disappointing” principal transaction results for assessment.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 13:44 | 7905 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

CNBC = CNBS. If you listen to these clowns, and take their advice and direction, you might as well just write someone a check for everything you have and be done with it. Seriously, they are tryign to sell or peddle their crap that the economy is now is full recovery mode,..just unbelievable.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 13:56 | 7909 mellmeister
Thu, 07/16/2009 - 15:16 | 7959 joann
joann's picture

That temper tantrum by Drama Queen Kudlow directed to Kunchinich was absolutely an insult to my intelligence.  What a dickhead shill Kudlow has become.


CNBS is officially an infomercial content only. 

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 18:25 | 8127 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Hilarious fragment. Is this Kudlowclown on crackcocaine or something? The lady is also pretty far from reality.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 21:00 | 8333 Gilgamesh
Gilgamesh's picture

I've sworn more than once that Kudlow and Maria share thier happy dust backset, but the ladies keep sayin that Maria's ass is way too large for her to be a cokehead.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 14:24 | 7915 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

This is an entertainment channel. Same as Entertainment tonight.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 14:43 | 7929 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

cnbc has a lot to do and it must have been a slow news day for them to go out and interview idiots like some guy named max hardcore, aka paul little before he goes to jail.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 14:43 | 7930 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

I remember surfing by and they were discussing wearing "snuggies" for that sponsor. 

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 16:04 | 7991 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture


Thu, 07/16/2009 - 16:05 | 7993 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

I am still holding my FAZ shares. To the end.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 16:13 | 8007 draino
draino's picture

cnbc has a lot to do and it must have been a slow news day for them to go out and interview idiots like some guy named
18. Markets are being manipulated by liquidity injections.
19. Bankruptcies are up 50% YOY.
20. Consumer spending continues to decrease. (Critical)
21. Oil prices are soaring, putting pressure on the consumer.
hat tip to http://... good finance articles

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 18:01 | 8114 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

I've turned off CNBC for some time.

My question: is Bloomberg any better? Or should we just not use TV as a medium for keeping up with accurate financial news?

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 18:57 | 8165 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

Zero TV


As a catch phrase: We CAPTCHA you with our content.


If that is too lame then: F*ck GS

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 18:59 | 8168 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture


Thu, 07/16/2009 - 20:02 | 8256 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

I watched 'FAST MONEY' tonight for the last time.
No Ratigan+No Macke=No counter to the stupidity.
Disappointing at best; insulting at worst.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 20:12 | 8271 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

u r correct ... all we get is little missy lee with high hems and open blouses [not that there is anything wrong with that]. used to be an AWESOME show but its really really awful now. bunch o' cheerleaders.

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 20:34 | 8302 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

I have played in their last 2 portfolio challenges, and watched cnbc and cramer... I did everything 180 degrees opposite of what they said to do and placed in the top 500 both times...
That's got to tell you a lot about the B.S. they are spewing...

Thu, 07/16/2009 - 22:37 | 8406 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

The channel supposedly evolved from a sports channel. That's why everyone is constantly yelling which is supposed to create excitement in the viewer. As far as I am concerned: It hurts.

I do not trust any financial publisher or publicist since the tech bubble. The analysts made the biggest blunders and were not worth the money they got paid. Is that the so called "talent" that Wall Street insists to pay big bucks?

Even the paid services are junk. They produce losses on a regular basis though once in a while they hit gold.

After abandoning watching CNBC quite a while ago I feel Bloomberg is going down the same road. I usually mute the TV and just look at the numbers and bits of news and only once in a while listen to a specific subject.

Sat, 07/18/2009 - 15:50 | 9557 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

You need to change "worst" to "worse".

Mon, 07/20/2009 - 17:23 | 10532 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Thanks for catching this. This is stated proof of something that has obviously been going on for a very long time at all major financial media outlets. I have a friend whose client sold their business for $20M and wanted to give back by writing a children's financial magazine. To do this, you need financial sponsors. He was so disgusted that they would not let him write anything he wished to write that he gave up the enterprise. These outlets always support the institutions which fund them. Here's one post on institutions motives.

Thanks again, Wes Bridel

Sun, 07/26/2009 - 11:04 | 15484 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

I watch CNBC all the time, because they just seem to have the best view of the stock price ticker that runs along the bottom of the picture. Some of their BS is entertaining, but it has been obvious forever that there is a major conflict with the channel and the businesses that advertise there and a huge bias and almost an obsessive desire to protect greedy CEO's at any cost or well until they are caught openly screwing their stock holders, fleecing their customers or stealing from the public. The executives of many of the Oil and Auto manufacturers come to mind and oh do not forget Bernie who made off with the money. Was not too long ago an CNBC focal point and touting his remarkable investment strategy, how quickly they forgot. However, they made up for that by schredding him like a pack of wild hyenas to bury any fact that came from CNBC.

Maria B. will only do fluff pieces because the story about her sleeping with one of the executives of a company's stock she was pushing some time ago will always come up. That is if the interviewer has any balls at all and she knows it. It was such an open scandal that she got her hands slapped by her bosses, but unlike the rest of us who would have been fired, she is still there doing inane interviews with any one who will kiss her large behind.

Well I could go on and on, about the pundents there as I have even renamed many of them. They are a virtual zoo who will always provide a velocity of curiosity found no where else.

Thanks for the opportunity to put my two bits worth in.

Doc Holliday OK Corral

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 03:34 | 737096 meichou
meichou's picture

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