Costco Is Now In The Apocalypse Provisioning Business

Tyler Durden's picture

One of the more amusing implications of Bernanke's relentless desire to destroy the world is that he is causing a surge in profit margins for retailers like costco which are now actively engaged in provisioning for the upcoming monetary policy-induced apocalypse. And here is the deal of the day, courtesy of producer shelf reliance ("your premier source for food storage and emergency preparedness planning") as Bernanke is apparently dead set on immitating the BOJ in purchasing ETFs openly, as opposed to using its secret Citadel dark pool channels: $799 buys you a 1-year food supply for 1 person or 5,011 total servings. Thank you Bernanke - your actions have now lead people to believe you are the antichrist. We can't decide if Geithner is famine or pestilence.

(link here for those who would rather not wait until Bernanke terminally breaks the dollar)

Full package includes:

The THRIVE 1 Year Food Supply comes complete with 84 #10 (gallon
size) cans of grains, fruits, veggies, protein & beans, dairy, and
baking essentials. With over 5,000 servings and many foods with a shelf
life of up to 25 years, this package will give you variety, nutrition,
and peace of mind.

  • 12 month food supply for 1 Person
  • 6 month food supply for 2 People
  • 3 month food supply for 4 People
  • Shipment arrives in 14 separate boxes
  • Grains and rice have a shelf life of up to 30 years
  • Freeze-dried foods have a shelf life of up to 25 years
  • Dehydrated foods have a shelf life of up to 15 years
  • Simple rehydration instructions, recipes, and helpful tips are included on each can
  • 5,011 total servings
  • 84 gallon-sized cans

This THRIVE 1 Year 1 Person Food Storage package contains 84 #10 (gallon size) cans. See below for specific package contents.

  • 8 Cans of Instant White Rice (48 servings per can)
  • 12 Cans of Hard White Winter Wheat (44 servings per can)
  • 3 Cans of 6 Grain Pancake Mix (50 servings per can)
  • 2 Cans of Elbow Macaroni (45 servings per can)
  • 6 Cans of Dehydrated Potato Chunks (42 servings per can)
  • 1 Can of Freeze-Dried Sweet Corn (46 servings per can)
  • 1 Can of Freeze-Dried Green Peas (41 servings per can)
  • 1 Cans of Dehydrated Chopped Onions (45 servings per can)
  • 1 Can of Freeze-Dried Mushroom Pieces (48 servings per can)
  • 1 Can of Freeze-Dried Broccoli (47 servings per can)  
  • 2 Cans of Organic Apple Slices (48 servings per can)
  • 2 Cans of Freeze-Dried Strawberries (45 servings per can)
  • 1 Can of Freeze-Dried Blueberries (50 servings per can)
  • 1 Can of Freeze-Dried Blackberries (49 servings per can)
  • 2 Cans of Freeze-Dried Raspberries (48 servings per can)
  • 6 Cans of Powdered Milk (43 servings per can)
  • 3 Cans of Chocolate Drink Mix (48 servings per can) 

taste and texture of TVP (Textured Vegetable Protein) is consistent
with real meat, making it a great addition to vegetarian diets

  • 3 Cans of Bacon TVP (47 servings per can)
  • 3 Cans of Beef TVP (44 servings per can)
  • 3 Cans of Chicken TVP (45 servings per can)
  • 2 Cans of Taco TVP (42 servings per can)
  • 6 Cans of Pinto Beans (49 servings per can)
  • 1 Can of Black Beans (49 servings per can)
  • 2 Cans of Lima Beans (49 servings per can)
  • 3 Cans of Lentils (52 servings per can)
  • 6 Cans of Whole Eggs (236 servings per can) 
Cooking Basics
  • 2 Cans of White Sugar (46 servings per can)

h/t Louis

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B9K9's picture

Wow, this thread is still going strong. As many people @ ZH are aware, the position I advocate is: Get.Out.Now.

While I understand and appreciate the impulse that drives a desire for self-sufficiency, perhaps I can shed a little bit of light on what actually happens when the shit hits the fan.

(I'd be interested in hearing other perspectives from those who have also had the opportunity to enjoy & experience the best side of human nature.)

Ok, this is what happens ... drum roll ... everyone tries to get out! Now, having a chance to personally speak from experience, believe it or not, my parents have actually had the luck of experiencing this eerie sensation not just once, but twice! And what happened to them? Drum roll ... everyone tried to get out!

In my family's case, there was a mass evacuation performed by combined NATO forces. There were literally 10s of thousands of people being put up in temporary military tent cities, while yours truly got to sleep in a nice comfy bed at the base commander's house. We were there only one night before we were airlifted to a waiting carrier and ferried to the designated drop off zone.

In my parents case, it took them a week to get out. They finally got some crazy last ditch flight to Rome before finally hooking up via a series of connecting flights to eventually get back to where they wanted to be. My mom still talks about sitting in the blackouts while my dad was tapping all his Mossad buddies on how to get the fuck out of there.

(Just so everyone is clear, even though I give the Tribe a hard time, I tend to like Israelis. The dude who was in charge of clearing ships [ie dive teams] before hitting their waters came over a few times for dinner - very cool guy. Unlike our resident troglyditic gnomes, these guys don't dick around.)

So I guess the moral of the story is this: if it gets crazy to the point of food disruption and/or civil unrest, your money would be better spent having some resources in place to get the fuck out of Dodge. No ands, ifs or buts. Just go. I don't care where - grab a flight to Lima for all I care. (A great city by the way.) Just get out. EOM

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

This of course assumes you have the means to "get out now". A very large assumption. Then the question is where to go after you "get out now." This is also a murky assumption, that the place you go to is better than where you left and that as an outsider you're treated no worse than the natives. I could go on but you get the picture.

Not everyone has a Dad who has connections with Mossad buddies nor the chance to sleep in the base commander's house.

FEDbuster's picture

Local Sam's Club just started stocking 5 gal. pails of hard white wheat $15. and a variety pack of six #10 cans (milk, oatmeal, potato soup, banana chips, etc..) for $50.  They also sell 50lb bags of popcorn and rice.

Now if they only sold bulk ammo cheap....

RobD's picture

I got 200lbs of the ACTII popcorn, they say it makes the best cornbread after you grind it up into corn meal or you can just pop it and watch the riots. To preserve get some Mylar bags and oxygen absorbers off of amazon and a 50gal food grade barrel from your local Army surplus or feed store(my local store has screw top plastic barrels for $25).

geminiRX's picture

Are you kidding me - this is what everyone in North America SHOULD have! No one is prepared for even the simplest emergency anymore. Shit, to have a kit like this prepared for you is just a brilliant idea. 

A Nanny Moose's picture

Cans are too bulky. I'm holding out for the new Survival in a Pill form factor.

SoCalBusted's picture

The red pill or the blue one?

tmosley's picture

Careful, one of them contains cyanide.

UGrev's picture

I started back in 2008. A little late, I know; but better late than never. 

Lead, bitches! :D

DaveyJones's picture

I saw the same Costco page and had the exact same comment, even joked about it.

MaxVernon's picture

just make sure you have a can-opener.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Or two, depending how many are in your survival group.

On second thought, if you control the only can opener, are you not then considered the king of the heap? :>)

George the baby crusher's picture

You would be so dead in a crisis if you bought a bottle opener, even if it has bling.  Bring the right tools to your apocalypse. I would suggest a can opener.

tmosley's picture

Most can openers have bottle openers as well.

Also, you can use a churchkey to open a can in a pinch.

WaterWings's picture

Circular rubbing on concrete will wear it thin - presto! Concrete everywhere - just not as fast.

RobD's picture

Ah the sportsmansguide, been shopping there for years.

Rusty_Shackleford's picture

"There is no substitute."

DosZap's picture

If you LOVE getting shafted, yeah their Wunnnerful.

Highest priced biatches on the planet.

Go Crotchco,a far better deal, I am sure, for less.

WaterWings's picture


What are you talking about. I love Sportsmans.

Rusty_Shackleford's picture

Certainly not offering the greatest deals on all their items, but they get a lot of fantastic US, European, and Russian Military surplus stuff that is just superb.  Pay the $19.99 membership fee and get 10% off all items, then use the 10$ coupon they send you with each order.  I wouldn't be surprised if I'd ended up procuring 40% of my prepping supplies from them.  Have never had a problem with them.

A Nanny Moose's picture

King of the heap, or a likely target of aggession

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

In other words if you have no balls, don't own the can opener. :>) 

Tom Servo's picture

Make sure you have a good, quality can opener or two.  I have bought some of these freeze dried fruits for camping / outdoors stuff from Costco and I had to go buy a hard core can opener (made in switzerland) because the grocery store chinese made model didn't go deep enough to open the can. 

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

...and I had to go buy a hard core can opener (made in switzerland) because the grocery store chinese made model didn't go deep enough to open the can.

Hard core can opener bitches! :>)

Fish Gone Bad's picture

I picked up some inexpensive can openers and ended up throwing them out after they broke.  The one I still use is the Hard Core American made one my mother had in the 60's.


Popo's picture

...and make sure you have fresh water.  Which would potentially be a serious issue if circumstances required these iron rations...

Cathartes Aura's picture

useful even before TSHTF. . . ++ for making the point.

ceramic water filters. . .dudes!

Pegasus Muse's picture

The Army's greatest invention --- the P-38 Can Opener: 

mikla's picture

People that prepare for supply chain disruptions are not stupid.

Just ask people that live in hurricane zones.

People that assume no supply chain disruptions are unrealistic.  Most grocery stores can only remain open with a minimum of three deliveries *a day*.

Shameful's picture

Thank you!  I have been screaming about the JIT system.  I get the feeling that some people don't get that system.  The trucks stop for 1 day and there are issues, they stop for a week and there is no more food in a city.

RobD's picture

What is the saying? "We are only 6 missed meals away from anarchy"

chinaguy's picture

I've lived in both earthquake and hurricane endangered places.

Anyone w/o food & medical supplies cached in those areas is irresponsible.

We have a month's supply of food and 6 months supply of good wine ;-)

1100-TACTICAL-12's picture

Recently started making my own beer. No more sitting around slamming a case. the shit is high octane. They also sell stills might get one.

DaveyJones's picture

made beer throughout college (and law school) very economical and as you said very efficient, can make great tasting potent stuff. Also unfiltered brewers yeast is a fantastic source of complex Bs. Beer may be older than bread in history and was used literally as food source and payments. (Most guys should be payed in beer to simply cut out the middleman). Hops included, it is a fantastic way to secure and preserve the food source. Beer can go "bad" but, unlike canned food, it can not become lethal (unless you combine it with chariots or hummers)

Ricky Bobby's picture

My wife looks at me funny, when I ask her to let me know if she notices any shortages at the grocery store. That is one of my main indicators on whether we have finally jumped the shark. At that point I am taking delivery of one Hard Red Winter wheat contract, 5000 Bushels. Screw the grain elevator pump right into my basement.

chinaguy's picture

"pump right into my basement" you will get mold, or rodents, or weevils - best to keep it in 55 gallon drums

Bolweevil's picture

i resemble that remark.