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Define Irony: Bank Doing "God's Work" Is Preparing To Acquire Red Devils

Tyler Durden's picture




Jim O'Neill must be in hog, er PIIG, er BRIC heaven: it appears his employer, Goldman Sachs, is about to become the proud owner of O'Neill's all time favorite Manchester United. At least that way the reason for an AIG brand still advertised on the front of all ManU players' shirts will finally make sense: call it bailout advertising, in which AIG (indirectly) paid about $160 billion in taxpayer money to Goldman and a few others so its name would grace the uniforms of Goldman's latest acquisition. According to Sky News, a consortium of investors, which includes Goldman Sachs and law firm Freshfields, affectionately called the Red Knights, is preparing to acquire the soccer team from the much hated Glazer family, which in the span of several years has gotten ManU's debt/GDP ratio (or some other BS metric) to be almost as bad as that of the United States. Alternatively, it is oddly ironic that the bank that does God's work will soon be the owner of the Red Devils. The question: will Lloyd soon be sitting in satan's box at Old Trafford?

Sky's city editor Mark Kleinman, who broke the story, told Sky's
Jeff Randall: "I should caveat all this by saying that the Red Knights
campaign is at a very early stage, and while it has the support of
influential fan bodies such as the Manchester United Supporters’ Trust
(MUST), it’s possible that those involved may conclude it’s not
ultimately viable."

He added: "Having said that, the summit - the first formal gathering
under the Red Knights banner - is the most significant evidence so far
of the seriousness of the campaign to win back control of United."

Any serious offer would need to raise around £1bn, Kleinman said.

A statement from the Glazer family said the Old Trafford club was not for sale.

Many Utd fans are bitterly opposed to the Glazer family, staging
weekly protests at home games while dressed in green and gold shirts
and scarves.

They are angry that the club has been allowed to accrue debts of around £700m. The Glazers' recent £500m bond issue has crystallised opposition
among fans to their continued ownership of the club, Kleinman said.

They claim the the debts have prevented manager Sir Alex Ferguson dipping into the transfer market.

With the bulk of England's other soccer teams directly and indirectly owned by the Russian mob, it only seems fitting that Goldman would find its next natural calling to be an involvement in this particular sport.

We look forward to all English soccer referees soon having direct access to Redi, Sonar, Sigma X, and any other "advance" look facilitation systems, which will make team appearances on the pitch irrelevant, as refs will soon know (with at least a 90 minute window) just how the game will end, thus making it a moot affair. This will be doubly true if Fidelity or Putnam are coming to the game.

 




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Mon, 03/01/2010 - 20:53 | Link to Comment john_connor
john_connor's picture

All futbol games to be fixed shortly after the sale.  Goldman to be bookie, collecting juice on all bets, plus winning every bet using their own (taxpayer) money.  100% of the time, no exceptions.

BTW, Goldman OWNS the O administration.  Spread the word.

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 21:31 | Link to Comment deadhead
deadhead's picture

just wait til those nutjob soccer fans come out of the stands and start beating the pulp out of the Goldman crew.....

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 22:40 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

O and Brown to be season ticket holders; fans to pay for seats.

Tue, 03/02/2010 - 09:27 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Hold the Boat!
Goldman is a commercial bank.
Under the Bank Holding Company Act, are they not prohibited from owning such economically sensitive trifles, non-financial entities such as FutBol clubs, Chinese automakers and toilet paper dispensers?

Lloyd will burn in Goldman' own 7th Circle of Hell for letting the cat out of the bag, the disastrous PR now afloat. 

No wonder they want NYC carry permits. 

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 20:53 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Mon, 03/01/2010 - 21:09 | Link to Comment Fritz
Fritz's picture

Sweet.

It must be nice to get ZIRP funds from the US Gov and leverage them across the globe.

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 21:13 | Link to Comment Missing_Link
Missing_Link's picture

Goldman plans to teach them new techniques to front-run the opposing team.

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 22:43 | Link to Comment Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

oh no, according to their web site "our clients' interests come first".

but they do admit that "we do not engage in many traditional commercial banking activities". 

http://www2.goldmansachs.com/our-firm/economic-impact/for-the-economy.html

 

 

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 21:35 | Link to Comment ZerOhead
Mon, 03/01/2010 - 21:35 | Link to Comment Fritz
Fritz's picture

Great Headline for ZH over at clusterstock.

Goldman now cites negative press includings blogs as a risk factor.

 

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 22:11 | Link to Comment ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Run Tyler run!

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 23:15 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

codewords.....

Tue, 03/02/2010 - 11:26 | Link to Comment Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

They still don't know how to calculate risk. Doing bad things to everybody on the planet=risk of karmic crushing. Blogs, mainstream press, talk in barbershop those are simply the mediums of transmission that result in the karmic crushing. Until they can make a pill or injection to shut off all communication the risks will mount.

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 21:45 | Link to Comment MeTarzanUjane
MeTarzanUjane's picture

ZH is using Red Sheriff?

Nice choice.

(see page source code for reference) imrworldwide.com

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 23:17 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

so "Nielsen monitors and measures more than 90% of global Internet activity"?  I thought that was Google's job?

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 21:46 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Mon, 03/01/2010 - 22:16 | Link to Comment lsbumblebee
lsbumblebee's picture

Satan! Maybe Pat Robertson and Glen Beck will organize a tea party boycott to protest this godless-anti-american-weird-ass-brit-shit. Sponsored by Goldman Sachs.

Probably not.

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 22:19 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 03/02/2010 - 12:03 | Link to Comment lookma
lookma's picture

Two clubs are owned by US citizens

Randy Lerner says you fail at understanding american ownership of 1st dividsion clubs.

Stan Krenke too

Mon, 03/01/2010 - 22:27 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 03/02/2010 - 00:09 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 03/02/2010 - 04:56 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 03/02/2010 - 10:16 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 03/02/2010 - 11:02 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 03/02/2010 - 11:30 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 03/02/2010 - 12:05 | Link to Comment Ludic Fallacy
Ludic Fallacy's picture

Despite the hilarity of many of these comments, this crushes me as a lifelong Manchester fan (and there is only 1 Manchester).  I also despise the Glazer family, as they have laden the club with so much debt they may lose future competitiveness, as did Real Madrid for the later part of the 00s due to their hideous indebtedness. 

But hey, they won the Carling Cup, so everything is fine, nothing to see here...

Tue, 03/02/2010 - 13:56 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Tue, 03/02/2010 - 18:27 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Fri, 04/16/2010 - 10:23 | Link to Comment Tom123456
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