Dispatches from Occupied Territory – The Awakening

Dispatches from Occupied Territory – The Awakening

By

Cognitive Dissonance

Even though most of us come to Zero Hedge to learn, laugh, share and even rant, ultimately many of us are all alone as we cope with our awakening. While Tyler & Company do an excellent job deconstructing the insanity, rarely is our day to day emotional and psychological battering discussed. Most of us long for someone we can talk to and learn from without being judged or ridiculed. I offer the following occasional series as a small step in that direction.

This is the first in a series of fictional explorations into an individual’s awakening to the suddenly unfamiliar world around and within her while still engulfed by the day to day insanity. These short stories in letter form are intended for the more sensitive and inquisitive reader who wishes to look more deeply within and explore in depth their beliefs and perceptions and how they can cope with a world gone frighteningly mad. It is the author’s hope to accomplish this by way of an intimate and revealing first person correspondence between two long time friends as they discuss their ongoing trials, tribulations and revelations.

Dear Marie,

Please accept my apology for my tardy response to your letter of last week. While normally I’m quite prompt with my response (for I do love our conversations) the intensity of your distress set me back on my heels and I needed to pause and reflect for a bit before answering. Clearly you are experiencing tremendous loss and grief and I felt compelled to address this straight away.

But I also heard desperation in your voice and before I wrote back I needed to take a few days to reflect and remember what that chaotic period of time was like for me. You asked me to respond from the heart so to do anything less would be a disservice to both of us.

While I do have some experience with the road you’re now traveling I’m not sure how much I can help you since it’s no longer that fresh in my mind. On the other hand I do have a propensity to revisit the insanity every now and then, mostly because I tend to cling to that part of me I jettisoned so many years ago. Like a nagging itch or sharp pain emanating from a long ago amputated limb, at times it still feels as real today as it did back then.

Can you ever truly break free from something that was an integral part of you and nearly drove you insane, in fact did drive you insane? I think not, at least not quickly. In cases like this one can only hope that time truly does heal our wounds. But equally important we must also be proactive in purging the dysfunction from our mind and body.

Like you, while at the time I claimed to be willing, I really didn’t want to wake from my denial. Hell, to be perfectly honest I didn’t even know what that meant since I already thought I was wide awake. And near the end, when I could no longer remain asleep, I desperately hoped someone else would step up and absolve me from the moral obligation to walk the talk and take a stand. To this day I’m still a bit frightened by the perceived burden, which seems to never end and only grows bigger with time. Why did it have to come down to this? Why couldn’t ‘they’ be reasonable and not push it so far?

I’ve always wanted to believe people were basically good and honest. Isn’t that what everyone says is true? Sadly it is just another conditioned cultural belief dashed upon the rocky shore of our formerly sheltered life. Even after all these years, deep down inside I still wish that were true. But of course it is not, at least not for the one percent who rule the world and for the most part the next twenty percent who support them.

In fact, the ugly truth is that we all possess some measure of evil within ourselves, and part of breaking through our denial is coming to accept this in order to remove that controlling and manipulative force. We are only as sick as our deepest darkest secrets, and in this case I’m talking about those ugly truths we never want to admit even to ourselves. Especially to ourselves.

God damn it, I still don’t want to let this one go completely because to do so feels like I’m abandoning humanity itself. More likely though to let go means to leave behind what little childish naiveté I still cling to. Even now, years later, this whole thing can still bring me to tears. There are no easy answers, but that’s precisely what we really want, don’t we? The Big Lie of easy, painless, no bother answers to throw away questions, blissful ignorance in all its ugly glory.

I certainly understand you being worried about your physical safety. Who would not considering the steps you might take down the road and the history of those you will oppose. And I agree that it does appear to be a daunting task you have set for yourself. That’s true for anyone contemplating this path, which explains why so few actually take the first step. But the good news is that you are not alone. I’m here by your side, along with many other veterans, sharing our strength and experience if you need it. No one should be alone during their transition from conditioned victim to independent spirit. Your rebirth will be traumatic for a while, but I promise you ultimately it will be very rewarding.

Please remember that while at times you may feel alone, there’s very little you will think, say or do that hasn’t already been experienced by someone else along the path. I’d be honored if you would accept my helping hand as we stumble down this road together. I suspect I will learn as much from you as you will from me while we both work through this lifelong process.

If I may suggest one personal practice that has served me well, the more you open your mind to the previously unthinkable, the easier it will be for you to absorb the knowledge and understanding you seek. You have the keys to a better life in your hand. All you need do is to accept that they are there and then use them.

In addition, while it is vitally important that you grieve for your loss, please don’t cry for long. Your deep sadness and sense of desperation is completely natural and understandable in the face of what appears on the surface to be a desperate situation. Essentially you are experiencing the death of who you think you are and how you see yourself in your world. The key to regaining your mental and emotional composure is to understand that your reaction is normal and you can quickly recover if you chose.

Take a moment and imagine yourself no longer feeling compelled to internalize what is strictly an external trauma controlled by others who care nothing about you or your family. This is true freedom, as opposed to the false reality indoctrinated into us from birth. Affirmation of life can now spring from within since you are no longer dependent upon external sources for your beliefs and sense of reality.

Thankfully I discovered my desperation was only as permanent as I wanted it to be. Hands down the toughest part is breaking from the old patterns of self abuse we’ve practiced since childhood. Old bad habits die hard, especially when they are embedded within our social and cultural structures. We believe we should fight this feeling of desperation, as if by experiencing it we will be consumed and never released. But in fact just the opposite is the case. It is our denial and bargaining with our newly discovered reality that makes it so painful and extended.

The awakening process can at times be excruciating and because we are taught early on to avoid anything that is uncomfortable or upsetting we instinctively and fearfully fight it tooth and nail. Unfortunately, by doing so, we make it much more agonizing and drawn out than it need be. The fear and pain is the result of our changing beliefs and perspective and the more we resist the change, the more pain there will be. It’s not so much the new that is so difficult to accept, but rather of accepting that we must let go of the old. At this point a flexible perspective is our best friend and mentor. Embrace the change and the pain will subside.

Please believe me when I tell you the pain you are feeling isn't a death sentence, but rather an affirmation of life. Remember the first Matrix movie we discussed last month, where Neo opens his eyes for the first time after being released from the Matrix cocoon and he feels terrible pain? Morpheus tells Neo his eyes hurt because he’s never actually used them to see until now. Metaphorically speaking this is precisely what is happening to you. The emotional and physical pain you feel is proof of life, not a sign of imminent death as you have been conditioned to believe. For the first time since your physical birth you are alive, no longer desensitized to a slow motion suicide.

The emotional pain and hangover you are feeling comes not only from the realization and understanding of your prior willing participation into your own enslavement, but from the sweeping depth and scope of it all. It’s not a pretty sight and never will be. But understand Marie that it takes real courage to walk this path, courage you have already demonstrated. So please do not sell yourself short simply because of your past mistakes. It’s difficult enough to deal with your own humiliation, let alone talk about it. I have no interest in being judgmental of you and neither should you. I have walked in your shoes and I still walk in your shoes. And I continue to make the same errors. Expect no less or no more from yourself.

We cannot reverse a life time of conditioning over night. And to think that we can is simply setting ourselves up for failure. The path is forward and the work ahead. Learn from your past, but don’t relive your mistakes simply to punish yourself. We must begin to forgive ourselves for our past, an admittedly complex but very doable task. It will be difficult to completely avoid self destructive behavior, particularly this early in your release. But you won’t heal quickly or properly if you continuously rip open your wounds in fits of self hate. The enemy is not within you Marie, it is external to you. Do not destroy your own personal refuge by being self destructive.

While it may not seem possible at this time, you are perfectly capable of simultaneously feeling extreme despair and great joy if only you will allow yourself permission to be the complex multidimensional human being you actually are rather than the emotional pawn of limited range and capacity we are trained to be from birth by our culture. Coming to grips with reality is not the end of the line, but rather a wonderful beginning to a much more rewarding life.

A very important part of you has just died, is still dying. It was something you nurtured and depended upon for a long time. One doesn’t abandon blind faith easily, regardless of how logical doing so might be. Of course you are reluctant to let it go. Who wouldn’t? But even now, through the haze of your pain, you must be able to see that concurrent with the death of your false hope another Marie is rising. Through an immaculate conception you are being reborn as a more powerful and fully formed human being. And this is just the beginning. Think of all the possibilities when your own self imposed artificial limits are removed by your own hand in the ultimate act of self empowerment.

All the false hopes, empty promises and other assorted insane baggage that you carried for decades tightly bound you to an unlivable and impossible situation. Living a life of quiet desperation, feeling powerless over conditions and events you did not create, but felt dependent upon and somehow responsible for, is no way to live, let alone exist. By freeing yourself of those false hopes you are now released from the emotional and psychological manipulations by the powers that be. Now that you have cut yourself loose from the puppet strings that tied you to the insanity, you can and will live a life free from artificially and externally induced fear and anxiety. Of this I can assure you.

Try to remind yourself on a daily basis that the only way ‘they’ can exercise control over you is to convince you that you are helpless, a powerless victim with nowhere to hide. They need you to willingly and voluntarily disarm, to not even attempt to resist or to stop doing so if you currently are. Which means in your hands and mind there resides all the power you will ever need to remain free.

Their psychological operations (psyops) have failed and now you are freeing yourself from their influence, forever if you so wish. Sure they will try to pull you back in. The entire concept behind psyops is to covertly employ multiple tentacles and pathways to subvert you, all at the same time. But all you need do to remain free is to choose not to submit and to continue unbound. Each time that you do so it becomes easier the next time you are challenged.

Now that you are releasing the false hopes that froze you like a jack lighted deer, your wounds, while severe and painful, will heal quickly. But only if you don’t tear at them in fits of rage and self disgust. Marie, you just underwent major surgery by your own hand without anesthesia. Be kind to yourself and rest from your ordeal. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself and allow the healing to take place. You would not emotionally batter a friend who was just involved in a terrible car accident, even if it was her own fault. Why then would you do so to yourself? You’re now free of that insanity. Let it go. It’s OK. You have permission to let it go.

We are engaged in a battle for our minds and our spiritual essence. They don’t have the capability to physically enslave all of us, so instead they must enslave our minds and convince us that submission is the only answer. There are so many other ways in which you are able to cope and prosper which you are currently unaware of and cannot see. But first you must let go of the only way you have ever tried; their way.

I ask you to have faith that soon enough you will see much more than you are blind to at the moment. Having faith has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with trust in yourself and in others. Be that fearless little toddler again, unsteady on her feet as her parents urged her forward. Let go and take those first few steps. Trust that others will be there when you fall and that falling is both natural and normal.

You are no longer an emotional hostage to be manipulated by others who care nothing of you. They have lost their power over you now that you have rejected their false promises and lies. You no longer need to take responsibility for actions you don’t support nor agree to. No longer must you internalize what is completely external in nature. You are now free to explore anywhere and everywhere because fear no longer keeps you paralyzed in the middle of the road, waiting for cars to repeatedly and endlessly run you down. 

I won’t build false hopes or grand expectations for you Marie. This awareness won't come all at once, but rather over time. And there will be residual sadness for months and possibly years to come. In fact you must be prepared to feel an occasional sense of deep loss for the false hope you carried for years. Call it nostalgia for the insanity that was once you. This is a lifelong process, not a onetime event. Manage your expectations and allow it to just happen. You can’t possibly expect yourself to run a seven minute mile after you have been confined to a wheelchair all your life. Patience practiced here will go a long way towards a healthy future you.

It’s difficult to recognize, let alone comprehend, the extent to which you've been emotionally, psychologically and physically trapped since birth in an abusive and domineering relationship with this culture, its government and various authority figures and institutions. It is nearly impossible to see what you don’t know even exists and which is still mostly invisible to your newly opened eyes. Don’t place unwarranted pressure upon yourself by expecting a rapid recovery because it just won’t happen.

You will have days when it’s one step forward, two steps back and that is OK. And there are bound to be difficulties and unexpected emotional setbacks and that too is also OK. Perfection does not exist in the real world Marie yet we have been conditioned to believe it does, but only within the endless cultural insanity you are now leaving behind. You will recover from the shock and awe assaults you were subjected to for the last 47 years, but your recovery depends upon you making a daily conscious decision to get better. This means you must take personal responsibility for your own life from this moment forward and it begins with healing yourself rather than depending upon others to heal you.

Have no doubt, your awakening process has begun and with it the ability to take back your life. You are no longer dependent upon others for your emotional, spiritual and intellectual freedom. I am delighted you reached out and told me you are coming. Now that you are here I can’t wait to explore your world with you as you grow and blossom. Welcome to the spring of your awakening.

Beside you always,

Jonathan

________________________________

07-04-2011

Cognitive Dissonance

Comments

[Cognitive Dissonance]

Nice chum for the sharks. :)

[Lmo Mutton]

Dear Jonathan,

Cliff notes or your gal will leave you for the first bad boy biker that comes along.

Unless she is an 80 yo widow. Then I guess your letter might keep her interest.

[Cognitive Dissonance]

Marie is 47........as you would have found out from reading it.

No Cliff Notes yet. Come back in a year and they still won't be ready.

[blindman]

http://wastelandofthefree.com/
WASTELAND OF THE FREE by Iris DeMent

Living in the wasteland of the free...

We got preachers dealing in politics and diamond mines

and their speech is growing increasingly unkind

They say they are Christ's disciples

but they don't look like Jesus to me

and it feels like I am living in the wasteland of the free

We got politicians running races on corporate cash

Now don't tell me they don't turn around and kiss them peoples' ass

You may call me old-fashioned

but that don't fit my picture of a true democracy

and it feels like I am living in the wasteland of the free

We got CEO's making two hundred times the workers' pay

but they'll fight like hell against raising the minimum wage

and If you don't like it, mister, they'll ship your job

to some third-world country 'cross the sea

and it feels like I am living in the wasteland of the free

Living in the wasteland of the free

where the poor have now become the enemy

Let's blame our troubles on the weak ones

Sounds like some kind of Hitler remedy

Living in the wasteland of the free

We got little kids with guns fighting inner city wars

So what do we do, we put these little kids behind prison doors

and we call ourselves the advanced civilization

that sounds like crap to me

and it feels like I am living in the wasteland of the free

We got high-school kids running 'round in Calvin Klein and Guess

who cannot pass a sixth-grade written test

but if you ask them, they can tell you

the name of every crotch on MTV

and it feels like I am living in the wasteland of the free

We kill for oil, then we throw a party when we win

Some guy refuses to fight, and we call THAT the sin

but he's standing up for what he believes in

and that seems pretty damned American to me

and it feels like I am living in the wasteland of the free

Living in the wasteland of the free

where the poor have now become the enemy

Let's blame our troubles on the weak ones

Sounds like some kind of Hitler remedy

Living in the wasteland of the free

While we sit gloating in our greatness

justice is sinking to the bottom of the sea

Living in the wasteland of the free

Living in the wasteland of the free

Living in the wasteland of the free

[Aristarchan]

Nice piece, Cog. I have worked for years to try to create in myself a neutral state of being that speaks no book, follows no leaders, and attempts to avoid opinions based on little information or suspect information. I have not of course, fully succeeded. I have a ton of history embedded within me. That history in some ways defines who I am and what I think and how I react. But, it does not define me near as much now as is did at one time. At one time I trusted "leaders," I trusted information, and I trusted in a world that I thought was a much better place than in reality, it is. Life and thought are cyclical, and in large part the two are based on our environment, as well as our own genetic makeup. I knew that long ago, but it took me a very long time to figure out how to escape the shackles my own existence put on me.

Have I done so? No, and probably never fully will. But what I have discovered is that knowing different opinions, understanding different viewpoints, seeking out - not the truth - but different versions of truth, can unshackle the rut we drive our minds into when we only look inward for truth. This is not to say to rely on others for truth, as nobody really has it...all they have are remnants, scraps of info that make up a mosaic of both truth and untruth that in our reality, must serve as a theory of what is.

Hemingway once said: "Never confuse movement with action." I spent half-a-lifetime doing just that. Now, I in some ways understand both the burden and beauty of my past. I understand now why when my own kids were small, I dreaded going to bed as I would dream of them being dismembered by a violence I was powerless to prevent, and I know why I was so overprotective that I was smothering of their ability to learn and experience. I know now why I stopped hunting animals in 1970.

And, I know how blessed I am to have experienced so much travel and the culture of so many places and the beauty of what life really is....which is being able to understand and cope with what life gives you, without losing your sanity or your humanity.

Now, I look at my baby grandaughter and I do not see little kids from my past caught up as "collateral damage." I see a beautiful little girl who is still free, is still happy, and who I hope always will be.

We think alike in a lot of ways, Cog, but we have different angles of approach. Your angle is always beneficial to me and my thought process. Maybe together - with a lot of other people here and elsewhere - we can make sure my granddaughter grows up in a world where she is not only free physically and politically, but free of the shackles of cultural insanity that results from institutional conditioning. We will see, my friend.

[chindit13]

I am always moved or educated by your comments.  Sometimes both.  Thank you.

[Aristarchan]

Thank you, Chindt13. I think Cog brings out the best in me. And as as a human, it is important to me that folks like you take the time to read what I write, and furthermore, take the time to say they liked it. I have read your stuff, and I value your opinion highly...so am flattered by your words. Thank you.

[magis00]

Well I will say that the above exchange has placed you firmly on my "list of posters whose names I recognize and opinions I value" -- list.  I too appreciated your insights and am really enjoying this "other side" of ZH, where posters speak freely about how emotionally demanding this whole awakening process is, and posters sharply defend the sanctity of a thread in which gentleness and peace are the topic of discussion, rather than sharply attacking the conflicting ideas of one another. 

Having typed that, CD, I would say that you've accomplished your goal (one of many?) of providing a meta-commentary on ZH itself; most comment sections are the rabbit hole: fearsome, ruthless, critical--posters sorting out their own evolution;  here, there's a sense of the peace we all seek at the end of the process.  Fantastic start to my day!

[Cognitive Dissonance]

A very thoughtful and obviously heartfelt observation on your part. Thank you.

I always feel grateful when I post an article on ZH that the comment section is there and that so many people feel moved to leave their thoughts and perceptions scattered about like little pearls of wisdom. Just when I think I have explored a subject completely in comes a dozen or more comments and suddenly I realize that I have barely scratched the surface.

We are all trapped in our own echo chamber and the best thing we can do is invite others in for some merging of thoughts and spiritual essence. I think they call it Karma. Thanks for stopping by and adding to the discussion.

[Aristarchan]

All we can really do as humans with limited knowledge and experience is scratch the surface. In the human millenium, we have only managed to delve a meager quantity of insights into the very large whole that is existence. But, what we need to do - as you are suggesting - is wrestle the leitmotif of a suppressing albatross off our shoulders....rid ourselves of the sinkhole that institutional aristocracy has driven us into. People like us.....people on ZH and others who brave differing opinions and outlooks, may be the only hope to regain honorable existence from the minority power-brokers who have taken the reigns of sustenance, and have driven it into the ground. Breaking free from commom-thought is the first hurdle down the road to salvation. Keep writing, and keep challenging everyone to blow away the fog.....not to see the truth, but to realize the lies.

[cossack55]

Great topic. Fine insight. Conclusions probably completely individualistic. I find the rabbit hole both interesting and entertaining.  Coming out the other side unscathed may be problematic.  C'set la vie, eh?

[Maximus Failius]

Coming out the other side unscathed is to never exit the rabbit hole.  There is no undoing what has been done.  Once you step into the rabbit hole, by accident or intetnionally, you will be irrovacably changed by it.

Some will recoil at the first glimpse of the rabbit hole and pull back with all their might, but even these individuals will not escape unmarked from the eperience, as the seed of doubt will have been planted, and they will ever after have that splinter in their mind.  Others drive in without abandon and some proceed hestiantly. 

No matter which path you take no one interacts with the rabbit hole without being changed by the experience.

[IQ 101]

Nice work Cog D. reminded me of this in it's format and thought i would drop this into 

the ZH pot,for anyone who might be interested.

 http://www.biblestudyinfo.com/screwtape/

 The Screwtape letters by C.S. Lewis.

Relevant to nothing, or is it?

[Cognitive Dissonance]

It has been a while since I read the screwtape letters. It will be a good refresher course and source material as I continue this series. Thanks.

[skistroni]

Thanks CD. Not only you are well on the path of personal emancipation, but you have an invaluable skill of expressing your journey experience in language terms, which is, to me, even more difficult than the journey itself.

I take it as a free gift from a free person.

From the first paragraph, I had a deep urge to share this article with the people I care about in my life. I wish I would be able to write things and express things this way, but in the end of the day, it's a relief that there is at least someone who can do that. So, I hope that it is within your intentions, that I will forward this writing as a precious gem to my family and friends. 

I don't want anymore to be a leader or the first in the row, as I was doing in the "competitive" marketplace for years. I'm just happy to be a part of things changing and growing. This takes a lot of stress out of the equation.

All the best. 

[Cognitive Dissonance]

Please pass it on.

All I ask is that it is properly attributed to me and that a link is included that brings the reader back here if they wish to find the source.

I ask for the link to be included because I have found that the comment section brings a great deal of insight and a variety of thought to my articles and they eventually fuse with my article to make them whole.

[skistroni]

I woulnd't think to do it otherwise. Noted. Thanks again.

[PulauHantu29]

Eric Fromm's Escape from Freedom sums it up perfectly. It takes alot of hard work and thought to remain free...that's why it's easier to simply obey and succumb ...as he describes the German people did under Hitler.

[Freddie]

It was much easier here with the Federal Reserve, the newspapers, TV, Hollywood and the media.   The sheep will not act up when American Idol or Dancing with the Stars is on.  If you watch Tv or have cable/sat Tv - you support the matrix sheep.

[Cognitive Dissonance]

Just ordered it upon your recommendation. Thanks.

[CH1]

Excellent book.

[automato]

Live spelled backwards is evil. Oooooooooooooohhhhh!

Dog spelled backwards is god. Double Ooooooooohhhhhh!

The evil dog is a live god. I must be stoned!

[jm]

You aren't stoned.  It's simply...

“A Young Woman’s Strange, Erotic Journey from Milan to Minsk.”

[uniman]

My humble offering of a similar awakening.  This is the story of the journey from True Believer to Total Resistance.  Enjoy!

The Cleaver Family

Mr. and Mrs. Ward Cleaver live the good life.  Ward has a good job and hot secretary.  Mrs. Ward (her name is June) has an easy life in a big, self-cleaning home, plumb in the middle of a good neighborhood.  They have two good kids.  Let’s name them Wally and Beaver.

Ward’s job involves building armed drones for Homeland Security for use against the insurgency.  He’s not at all bothered by the fact that advanced military force is being used against the American people by “their” own government.  “Fuck them” he says, “they’re not me, so what do I care?” is what he tells the boys at the office.

But privately he has begun to wonder about the sustainability of this life.  Wally has an odd friend Eddie who wears Bob Marley tee-shirts, always seems to have smell like incense, and talks about “revolution” and crazy shit like that.  And that’s got Wally asking uncomfortable questions.  Worse, Ward doesn’t think Wally believes his answers.  The whore at the office is never satisfied and always seems to want more jewelry.  And June’s incessant agonizing over her conceptual framework regarding which combination of flowers does best on which table is almost enough to make Ward go Mountain Man.

Remove Your Cash from the Banks

So one day Ward finally does it!  He crosses the line into thought crime!   He formulates his first act of resistance.  He thinks “in the unlikely event of systemic collapse I should be better prepared.”  Merely doubting the viability of the system is first and greatest crime.  Little does he know that he’s just started the one-way trip to inexorable revolution.  But he doesn’t see it that way.  To him, it’s just “a little bit,” similar to the ploy he used with June so many wasted years ago....

What happens next?  Will Ward ever get laid again?  Or just screwed?  Find out at http://grandfubar.com

We also need your help to contemplate actual concrete resistance at http://67.208.112.48/protest/

[mo gotti]

If you haven't already, please take the time to see the movie What the Bleep Do We Know.  There are many "alarm clock" moments in this movie, which lead one to a less sleepy place.  I have found it to be worth seeing at least once a year.

Thanks CD........it's nice to see others out and about on this fine morning.

[magis00]

Great film!  Thanks for the reminder -- it's been more than a few years since I saw it.  I'm sure it holds different insights now.

[Cognitive Dissonance]

That's the great thing about movies like that. As you grow they seem to grow as well because your perspective has changed. So the reruns can be better than the original viewing.

[I Got Worms]

I "woke up" about three years ago when I read a book called "Creature From Jeckyl Island." Only reason I read it was it came up on Amazon when I searched for "Federal Reserve". All I wanted to know was why my 401k was cut in half that year, and was trying to learn the basics of our financial system. At the time, I thought the Federal Reserve was part of the Treasury Dept! So my trip down the rabbit hole began with the first page of that book. I slowly (and painfully) shed my old neo-con skin, and am a completely different, and better, man now.

The downside to this is that my friends and family all think I'm some wild eyed conspiracy theorist now. My wife has even sent me to therapy, thinking I'm delusional. I wished I could go back to the blue pill, but like many have said, these things cannot be unlearned.  My awakening was quite depressing, as I knew of no other like-minded folks and constantly thought to myself, "Only two options here. One, I'm batshit crazy. Or two, this is all true. And neither are good for me."  In the last year or so, I have found this site, and it has truly become my support group.  There are many others who see!

So thanks to all who post on here. Remember, there are many folks like me who lurk and learn on this site. And like me, this site may be the only lifeline to keep the newly enlightened grounded, when surrounded by the self doubt that can accompany such knowledge.

[Dantzler]

Worms - that book wasn't necessarily my first stumble down the hole, but it was certainly an all-net vertical plunge on the way down. And yes, I get pretty much similar responses from most of my friends.

We should form local support groups under the guise of testicular cancer survivors...

[Freddie]

The US is filled with shheple idiots who watch TV and support the system by watching. All of TV, Hollywood and the news media is controlled by the elites. 

BTW - who is the chick in the photos?  In Hussein's economy she could get a good gig doing p*rno.  I like ZH but more than a few posters still love their 2008 muslim.

[Thomas Jefferson]

Sounds like my life story.  What I would really like the answer to is what motivates some people to figure it out while others prefer to look away?

[Silverballs]

your wife is right there is no corruption in the system and the ruling class loves us ( cass sunstein paid me 100$ to write that)

[Cognitive Dissonance]

But my estimates about 75% to 80% of those who read ZH never leave comments. So those who comment are actually the vocal minority. I say this because my email is always full of people writing me who are from the silent majority. They find the comment section a bit too rough for their taste and so they stay away from there.

But I am often asked for quiet and calming pieces that explore our inner pain and fear. So this series and first chapter is my response to those requests as well as my need to write about it. We are all trying to find a way out of the insanity.

Thanks for commenting.

[Herbert_guthrie]

As Checkov once said "drop by drop, I squeeze the slave out of myself."

We are all noble creatures living in this spiritual world, perhaps a bit lost on our journey, but we are bound to the end.
This ticket is non-cancellable.

Enjoy your posts CD, as always.....

[Cognitive Dissonance]

I had no idea what I was missing until a friend sent me this last year. Thank you for your comment and your contributions here on ZH.

Chekhov: The Essential Plays

http://www.amazon.com/Chekhov-Essential-Modern-Library-Classics/dp/0375761349/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1309833011&sr=8-10

[Gully Foyle]

Fucking Jesus, you want to be free? Give up your goddamned attachments.Give up your desires.

Pretty simple.

Just read some basic Buddhism, basic Christianity or basic any religion.

But even desiring to not desire is a desire, another trap.

Native Americans used to have Gatchee's, where you gave away all your possessions to set one free.

There are no half measures, either you free yourself or you continue to suffer. Only when we possess nothing are we truly free, we can live without fear and in the moment.

Luke 12:33

Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.

Poverty of a sufi ......a sufi story This lesson was learned by a very great early Sufi whose name was Ibrahim Adham Balkhi. He was the king of Balkh which was a kingdom in Afghanistan.  Like Buddha, Ibrahim Adham was a great king living in opulence. Of course, each of us in this contemporary era live, by comparison to the people of former times, like kings. So in some sense, Ibrahim Adham was a person just like any one of us. But he was the king of the court of a mighty kingdom. And this king was visited by another strange mystic from the dessert. This was Khizr, the green man of the dessert. He blew in, evaded the guards, and made his way into the inner court. Instead of bowing in obeisance as was the protocol, he impudently went up to the throne. The king was deeply offended and said, “What brings you to the court of the great king?” And Khizr replied, “Oh, I’m just passing through this caravanserai,” which means motel. You can imagine how angry the king was to hear his palace called a motel. He said, “How dare you say that!” And Khizr said, “Well, who sat on that throne before you?” The king answered, “My father.” Khizr said, “And before him?” “His father,” said the king. “And before him?” “His father.” And Khizr replied, “And you mean to tell me that this isn’t a motel with people constantly coming and going all the time?” Suddenly a revelation came to the king. He realized that all he had invested himself in, his persona of grandeur and wealth and power, was ephemeral; it was trifling in the grand scheme of things. He was just passing through a motel. The words of Khizr went straight into his heart, like a barb. He was compelled to leave his crown and his throne and live as a wandering dervish. For many years he wandered. One time, he came upon a dervish who was complaining about his poverty and the ex-king said, “You must have bought your poverty very cheaply.” The dervish said, “Does one buy poverty?” Ibrahim Adham said, “I paid all the wealth in the world and still I feel I got a very good deal.”

The Most Valuable Thing in the World

Sozan, a Chinese Zen master, was asked by a student: "What is the most valuable thing in the world?"

The master replied: "The head of a dead cat."

"Why is the head of a dead cat the most valuable thing in the world?" inquired the student.

Sozan replied: "Because no one can name its price."

[lilimarlene1]

Kwakiutl Indians. Potlaches. Destruction of wealth as a measure of wealth. The desert mystics, Ignatius of Loyola, John of the Cross, Francis of Assisi, all said the same thing: detach from the material. Very hard to do.

[scratch_and_sniff]

I have been detached from the material, it gets tedious after a while. Life is all about suffering, sometimes its up to the individual how they suffer, but it cant be escaped, why not do it in comfort? I dont see the big deal, life is good if you know how to handle it, desires are good and healthy if you know how to handle them.

If you love doing something, and that something happens to be making you money...what do you do then? stop what you love doing just so you cant have any possessions? What crap. I like to work and I love my possessions - what moron lets himself be depressed about a house, or a car, or a phone etc?

Its lunacy to go to the effort to posses these things then turn around and say they are making you unhappy, what kind of fucking imbecile comes to those conclusions? Its the constant search for happiness that makes suckers miserable, they cant make up their minds how to feel, always looking for something else, convincing themselves everything is wrong ...why not just be happy now, ha ha ha its easy. (ohhh nooo we cant because we got too much "stuff" to be happy now, lets burn it all and we'll be happy then...turn the page 1 year later, "jeeees, that car was handy, that house was warm and secure, that phone was genius and ohh how i miss my keyboard, games console, guitar, fridge, waterbed, leopard skin pants...never mind, if i close my eyes these insects taste like raisins, and the rain on the tin roof sounds like Art Blakey playing coconuts through my B&W‘s")

[oldman]

Gully,

SHHHH!!!!

[BeansBulletsBandaids]

Thanks CD for this.

I'm very new to ZH and new to the ideas here.  I came here to try and better understand what is really going on in the world so that I can prepare myself and my family accordingly.  I'm not sure if I fully understand it enough to try and show others the way, but I hope to open others' eyes in due time - until then I'm going to become as informed as I can.  Thanks again CD and all of Zero Hedge.

[scratch_and_sniff]

Man, from what i read in these comments, there must be a terrible lot of suckers running around America.

[jm]

I find your lack of faith in the illusion behind the illusion disturbing. 

Look closely, what do you see?  Uh... infinity!

Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain...

And all the children are insane...

See the light...

Walk into the light...

[scratch_and_sniff]

Oh I feel that light now, I feel it on my face man its so beautiful, I think I, oh think i might close my eyes and walk towards it, im walking on in there, oh its so peaceful, its so comforting and warm, soothing, I think I might, think I might go to sleep, yesss sleeeep ummmm. I. think. I. will. go. to. sle…OUCH!

my nose!, jesus my nose, arrhhhh! …fucking cheap light bulbs dude - arrrrrhhhh I look like Michael Jackson cooking beans on a barbeque. Fuck, fuck, WTF??

[Westcoastliberal]

I highly recommend going within to "find" oneself.  I took a shortcut surviving an NDE in 1978 and from my too brief time on the other side I can report at least a bit.  What it's all about is "love".  Not so much the "love" we feel as Humans (Animal/Spirit "containers"), but complete off the scale total unconditional love.  More than you can imagine  as a Human.

Your spirit, the "you" that's "you", that little voice in your head that tells you how to set your moral compass, that "you" doesn't die when your body dies.  You go on as you always have.  Changes things in this Human existence when you know that, and I do.

All the crap that's going on now in the financial world is a precursor to war between the classes.  The people will need to figure out what it is they want and stand up to the banksters.  I don't think any of these Chicago-style deals will hold up past a couple of years.   The people will revolt.

[Baldrick]

Yep. Unconditional, all consuming love.  Wow.  It also never departs, not for one second, even years later.  The "high" that comes with it is like nothing experienced in this "life" and even better, it can be called on at will by just remembering the initial moment.

[Sunshine n Lollipops]

Not trying to challenge you in any way here, but your 'report' is a bit vague. Care to expand on it a bit more?

[blindman]

john prine lake marie
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Exr-DOWJ3A0

[blindman]

pleasure. and iris dement ..
John Prine and Iris DeMent - In Spite of Ourselves
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5axlwCBXC8&feature=related
.
Angel From Montgomery - John Prine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVZmSEpuJtg&feature=related
.
John Prine Souvenirs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ohfM_PqYeg&feature=related
.
but the list is nearly endless ...
Iris Dement & John Prine - We're Not The Jet Set
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsyHo8iUsjE
.
iris dement , livin' in the waste land of the free
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86VHcV5Pa5c
.
Iris DeMent - When My Morning Comes Around
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2QSDx8Lhl8&feature=related
http://mp3skull.com/mp3/when_my_morning_comes_around_iris_dement.html
.
it's all in the tradition of secular sacred american music
as defined by gram parsons, buried in full view.
.
http://www.last.fm/music/Iris+DeMent/The+Way+I+Should
http://wastelandofthefree.com/
click to play

[DaveyJones]

Prine is good stuff

[blindman]

a sort of gold standard of folk