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Dow 20,000 Or Bust; Or How James Altucher Stole Birinyi's Ruler
In tonight's episode of "Friday night comedy with Zero Hedge", instead of name play (also here) or almost factual Bloomerg [sic] stories we present 6 minutes of stand up comedy from the one, the only James Altucher who brings the mysterious case of the missing Birinyi ruler, to a close. Since we are laughing too hard to be able to type for any extended period without fatfingerdly sending the ES to 0, we open up to our readers the following clip of pure comedic bliss in which Altucher makes the trivial case for Dow 20,000 using the very same arguments you have heard elsewhere at least a thousands times, though with such conviction, dedication, and passion, that one not help but stare mesmerized, mouth agape, and hypnotized submitting a limit buy order for the DO at 19,999 (because, ultimately, it is a good deal - just ask James).
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hahahahahah! You can't eat iPads moron
I agree - DOW 20000 GOLD $20,000. I think he's a bit low actually, I think DOW 54000 GOLD $54,000. WTF is the DOW measured in? Ohhh... it's USD. ... I get it now....
The best and easiest way for countries to increase GDP is to PRINT MORE FUCKING MONEY!
Remember this?: C + I + G + X − M = Y(GDP)
Therefore SPENDING = GDP, therefore PRINTING = GDP. The more we print the MORE WE PRODUCE = BETTER we are; according to Keynes. Where is Keynes - I want to piss on your grave you mo-fo! @@@##@#
i agree with flacon.....if it takes a 3rd world currency effect it could be Dow 36000 and gold 36000 by 2015.....pension problem solved they don't buy anything.
Gold revaluation shortly
I am sure the Zimbabwe stock market saw some (phe)nomenal highs, too. If I remember correctly, they had some 200-300% up days!
Measure everything in gold to get a true price at this time (btw, gasoline is cheap priced in gold).
exactly.
http://buygoldsilver.org/2011/06/priced-in-gold/
No clown car?
Jimmy got a hair cut! Now THAT has to be a sign of doom...
... another Rocket MaN.
http://lh6.ggpht.com/_wkgIzuqJM0w/TNzNlPcJryI/AAAAAAAAHJA/lb9VwloVWZI/RM.jpg
The muliplier is BS as it depends on credit to have this theoretical effect. When I borrow $600B to buy donuts; the most the donut guy can buy in newspapers is with what is leftover after costs. All of "multiplier" roots to credit and James forgets to mention the pile of debt building up in the closet which when rates go up will wreck the economy. I made this video about James: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ed60TiOC3I
The Asset Management industry is in deep trouble if people turn to gold and silver; they will lose those management fees and free money to put into ponzi schemes. Yahoo Tech Ticker, CNBC etc are all paid for by advertising by the Asset Management Industry
The multiplier is a transitory phenomenon that exists during a finite period of debt expansion. As was shown over a year ago, debt saturation has finally inverted the multiplier.
http://economicedge.blogspot.com/2010/03/most-important-chart-of-century...
Not funny. Either hyperinfaltion and he is right or no hyperinflation and Dow at 8000. Either way, not funny, economy not free, broke, and tweetering on disaster.
I read somewhere that Altucher is married to a relative of the Bernank's brother, so he's a paid up clan member.
He runs a cute little blog, where I like to go to give him shit (he banned me, but for some dunm reason has unbanned me again):
http://www.jamesaltucher.com/
A few more ZH'ers posting some juicy comments there would be nice to see!!
bitcoins bitchezzz
its not relevant, i just wanted to be first to say it
ok, i lasted 13 seconds with J.A....
No matter what happens to the DOW, Altoucher will always be an Altouche Bag.
It may just be me, but all I see when I watch this is out of control asperger's syndrome.
Egads!
who the fuck is this lunatic?
If I remember correctly, he was in Revenge of the Nerds Part II...............Which, by the way, is the worst movie of all time..................
assrape is too good for him
Me thinks they already done that to him. That's why he is talking out his ass.
He understands him, though he's speaking in Santorum. (Is it possible to fuck yourself up your own arse? Ironic how close that word/name is to sanitary.)
Yes, is possible. Source: the internet.
I am Chumbawamba.
Smokey and the Bandit II would give the Nerds a run for worst movie ever.
It's Eddie Deezen.
http://eighties.weebly.com/uploads/7/4/6/1/746191/4458184.jpg
Its David Lerah's bastard child!
This is the moron who used to be on one of street.com's websites "stockpikr". This guy went cataplexic during the 08 crash. I remember him saying he had lost a substantial amount of money, so he was putting all his remaining money into the natural gas ETF, which then promptly went straight down. Why and how this guy makes it on TV is a complete mystery to me. Complete loser.
Maybe Jim Cramer is leaving CNBS, and they are auditioning replacements for him?
yes Sizzurp, but he makes his real money selling books, which is why he says this crap and people buy it, and why the establishment invites him onto TV saying precisely what they want to hear..
"Why and how this guy makes it on TV is a complete mystery to me".
if you see financial tv and media for what it is a tool to separate you from your money than it all makes perfect sense....think about it...
He's the next Harry Dent
He's the guy that also wrote these gems on MarketWatch earlier this month:
Why Apple is going to be worth $2 trillion
Why insider trading should be legal
Wow. Yet another all time low for the Blowhorn.
Hey BoP, don't forget to rake that bastard Nadler over the coals for me this coming Sunday and Monday in Vancouver! I will be eagerly awaiting your report.
what a complete dick
The blind EYE, is the course of Thought. It feels really heavy.
Gag me with a transitory spoon.
CNBC Fight Club?
Thank all of you! Well done.
The first 2 rules of CNBC Fight Club is that you blab about CNBC fight club on the air...
but I have yet to say enough.
The stupid is strong with this one ..... and yes , I watched . Improving demographics ?
Charter a G-5 Bill, and explore New Guinea. These gen(y-ers) are hooked with gen -x.
This took you two days to comment on? I have a screenshot of the Marketwatch page where it was headlines.
There's a reason Friday night humor is not called Wednesday night humor...
Thank you. And I was just kidding. I love this site.
Ass Kisser.
Hey Tyler. You got mentioned twice on Bloomberg today. It's good to know that they read it. ZH rules.
That was Tom Keene, and he's an undercover reader.
Bloomberg News was posting ZH stories under company news for months. Then I assume somebody at that liberal shill shit-hole read some of them, so not anymore!
Where are these articles? Maybe I should start reading Bloomberg again?
Early 2011. It's hard not to read Bloomberg if you handle fiat for a living. If you aren't a captive user you aren't missing much. Most people I know check ZH a couple times a day for an objective view on markets. We just don't comment here from work.
yep. i'm on that same boat. Some of the guys i work with actually have the balls to laugh after reading an article here on zh, and brush it off as conspiracy talk. They'd rather stick to "bloomberg." I work with a bunch of faggot bitches.
..and that was Saturday morning funny. thx
DOW to 20,000 once EUR/DOL = 5.175 in July
Europe will definitely not be able to pay their debts owed with that ratio.
Was that an actual TV clip? Hard to believe if it was. I guess that kid has never had anything negative happen to him in his entire life. Can't understand that there is no demand at the bottom. None, zip, zero, zilch, nada. Real hard to build a working economy on that.
demand ? did you just say demand ?
maybe he knows about as much as you
Actually I said "no demand."
no demand then, you still said demand which means you know fuck all nothing about economics
I think hanging from your underwear most days at school qualifies as negative. He was very unsure of himself until he smoked his first penis...that was his turning point.
Couldn't watch the clip because I'm on my Ipoo, so Googled him and read excepts from his book. Seems like he has had his share of life, so I wouldn't jump all over him unless you can't tolerate anyone slightly different than yourself!
Why would they even entertain such radical thoughts at cnbc? ok this jagoff says that QE2 effects havent even begun to take effect. OK so what have effect of QE1 been? OH YEA IT DIDNT DO ANYTHING!!!! I can only imagine the inflationary "effects" that are to come if what this guy says is true. But, wait, if real wages are falling due to an increase in the markup of goods, then thats negative for consumer spending(largest component of gdp). Ok so lets combine decrease in consumer spending, government spending cuts that must be implemented in august to raise debt ceiling, and a spike in bond rates(inevtiable after QE2 ends in June) which means decrease in private investment(stock market)= RECESSION!!!! this man has no clue in regards to economics whatsoever, he.is.an.imbecile.
Yeah, I like how they conveniently forgot that, according to their lag theory, right now is when the effects of QE1 should be making an impact. Meanwhile, the economy is melting down and it's becoming harder for the MSM to put a positive spin on anything, so they trot these clowns out to do a magic show.
Just marvelous...
lol..marketwatch ran this story yesterday after the great market debacle on wednesday
Yes, I have to totally agree, with rising food stamp recipients purchasing lobster dogs, truffles, and Dom Perignon Rose in addition to weekend jaunts to Monte Carlo - DOW 20,000 is a given...
This fuckwit is going to be right for the wrong reason. It'll be inflationary meltup.
B-C I can assure you , that you are playing into the game
Yen Cross
That's the only reason it can go up to 20,000. Instead of margin expansion he should have said monetary expansion.
Got Gold and PM's !?!
That is correct and a gold star for you. Failing grade for the embittered here who do not get it.
He who makes money in this market Is. Smarter. Than. he who does not.
That is all it's about. Livermore said it, if you don't believe me. He said it's not about being right, it's about making money. Reminiscences of Stock Market Operator, 1925 ghostwritten by Mr. LeFevre.
I heartily endorse the Livermore reference. Everyone should read it. Of course DOW 20,000. Where else would it be with the dollar index at 25?
The bottom line is this.... these companies are not only valued at future cash flows. In extremis, a banker would value them for the capital assets they control. At some point in the near future, these companies will be traded at something close to this value. That is where the sharks, and you, if you are smart, will be loading the boat. Watch the pre-QE3 slide for the Filene's bargain basement-style generational buying opportunities. Convert everything to gold for a cogent comparison of asset values. Concentrate on those which have a long history of dividend production.
And it may not be QE3; it may be QE4 but I expect this point to be reached by end of H1 2012. But be mentally prepared; factoring in the dollar, it will probably look like a smokin pile of rubble by then. Then again, perhaps not. It just occurred to me that this crowd would consider bankers jumping out of windows a buying sign. It may not get to that extreme; at least if it does, you know what to do.
Dow could easily hit 20,000 after QE3, 4 and 5.
Gold at 4,000. Silver at 75.
Gas at $20/gal.
James Altdoucher is getting paid to say what they want said, nothing more.
yes
Hedge!!!!!!!
My Mother in law could DIE! Thank God for Target !!
Unless minimum wage == $25/hr, $20/gal == S&P 666.
Wriggle, writhe, whatever...it's inescapable.
HOLY SHIT!
I can get stimulus money to buy a donut?
Where do I sign up?!?
Thanks, dude, I needed that laugh.
Could have gotten one for free today. It was national donut day. Krispy Kreme, Dunkin, Shipley's, wherever. Always good times.
So you like to eat gubmint 'nut?
Watch out for that icing!
the title of this segment should be...'harry potter teaches economics'
It's not nice to belittle Harry. He has a wand you know.
He sounds like he is high on X or something.
This guy aldoucher has about as much credibility as his bad wig !
Looks like Harpo.
Shut your mouth!
This weasel looks nothing like Harpo. And Harpo was a god of intentional comedy. This dipshit spouts farcical crap perfectly straight faced thinking it's truth. Unintentional comedy. Totally different.
It does make for a challenging game of 'lying or crazy'.
Place your bets.
The fact that undergraduate interns can get mainstream TV time fills Russia and China with glee. I mean. Seriously?
Donuts as serious discourse. "A few hundred billion, three trillion, I'll deal with that". "Stock buy back is...". "We all have Ipads now". "CNBC fight club, right now".
Official - ZH is more important to the sector than MSM, NOW. They're trying to steal the fightclub aura, like that chinese CEO did with Steve Job's presentations. At this point, I'm afraid, you are totally fucked. Totally. Fucked. So badly fucked.
And Tyler, we salute you. I shall now deliver unto you a financial contribution, because low - the rubicon, it has been crossed.
Since it hasn't been outlawed outside of the banking industry- Bankruptcy should be great for the stock market- since it also reduces the supply of available equity at a given price... Ceteris Paribus (which never is, in the real world)... Then there is the whole demand curve thingy... Heaven forbid Volker interrupts a Senate Banking Committee hearing to cap Bernanke on live television and ask for his old job back- in which case the wheelchair bound 401k bathrobe brigades might move faster than the HFT Altucher cyborgs and flash crash both the Dow and S&P to 0, in anticipation of attractive bonds and real austerity. Even in bizarro world, Altucher is a loser.
That was the most vulgar display of group think I have seen in a long while.
Their crystal balls bear an uncanny resemblance to crack pipes.
That guy needs a barber not an audience.
If he went to a stylist, he'd have TOUPEE for it!
Sweeney Todd by name.
BOYAA!
on the multiplier effect argument, instead of the multiplier effect in the US economy of buying a macdonald, imagine if he had calculated the multiplier effect of temp workers at Macdonalds being paid 6$ per hour....he could argue for DOW 200,000 imagine that but again in 18 months who knows how many QE we'll get....thats the real question...then one can agree with the genius there...in 18 months he could say i told you so, perhaps not because of the macdonald multiplier effect but QE unlimited but still who cares as long as he will be right...Boyaa!
what a joker...it definitely qualifies for Friday night comedy!
Arabians can buy 1000 concubines each and when they are finished with them can recycle these girlies through New York & London
The innovation from this petrodollar system is limitless..............
Thanks Cork. We should discuss the EURO thread.
Yo Yen!
I believe we're seeing doomed intervention (yeah, you thought it was only for Japan) and/or a short squeeze effect that will collapse shortly into $1.30 land...but who knows in today's tightly-scripted narrative of a market. I must be out of my mind squaring off with desperately cornered central bankers, but at least my shorts are on <casts look of disgust at DSK>, if she sneaks near $1.48
Maybe even sell some eurodollar to cover it?
I know. I know. Don't be such a downer. ;)
sILENSE IS GOLDEN. gETTING THE POINT NOW.
Would you buy a used car from someone whose jacket sleeves are five inches too long?
Yes I would. Matter of factly. Care to ask why?
Economic soft patch. Classic.
"Transitory" Like Ned Beatty in Deliverance.
More like Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby.
"soft patch"...the memo's gone round...
soft. patch....and suddenly it's like the economy is tiptoeing through a field of creamed corn....
that was awesome
that was hilarious!
Hey James! You're a twat!
I see the trend of giving privaleged brats Bar-Mitzvah gifts to spout on about their fantasy football trades has now hit CNBS.
Oy!
I saw this on tv too and thought it was a joke. I was waiting for someone to agree with him and reference how the zimbabwe stock market defied the larger economic issues of it's time - but alas, no such luck. Zimbabwefication not mentioned.
See!! I told you guys those Two HUNDRED Trillion Zimbabwe Dollars I have proves this guy is the most extream financial genius of all time!!! Damn!! I KNEW I was rich when I took both of those bills to pay the property taxes and I'll be damn if they didn't just laugh at me! Fuckerz! I guess that DoW 20,000 was more important than the FACT that those two bills are nuthin but ass wipe...as will be FRN. I wonder what boy wonder here will be touting then? Pet Rocks? Beanie Babies? Maybe I-pad bling! Oooo.. sparkly..very sparkly!
Surprised to see Scott Minerd agreeing with James Altucher. Maybe they are right, but I would bet on Dow 5,000 before I bet on Dow 20,000. Dow 20,000 in 12 to 18 months seems like a pretty absurd call.
Use the force, Luke.
It's a quantum function--it'll go from 12,000 to 20,000 without passing anything in between. Analog is dead.
It won't even hit 15,000 on the way up.
Phase-state transitions FTW. Buy the call before it's too late.
LESSON # 1
Never put down your peers!
Exploit their tallents!
I hope people realize how STUPID my REMARKS Are!?
More than you might imagine.
Sold, to James Altucher, one DJI futures contract for settlement in Jan 2013 with a strike of 19,999. I’m giving him a tic discount as an added incentive to do the deal. Full disclosure, I’m going short on this trade.
The really scary thing is that if for some bizarre reason he turns out to be right, he will probably be nominated to become the next Treasury Secretary or Fed Chairman. At the very least he would get a huge publishing contract to write a best seller and become the new go-to authority for every economic issue that comes up on CNBC. Actually, if this bullshit leads to a ratings increase, CNBC will probably hire him immediately to make a daily wild prediction.
thats the beauty of his idiotic prediction, there is no downside and a very big upside for him personally
The really scary thing is that if for some bizarre reason he turns out to be right, he will probably be nominated to become the next Treasury Secretary or Fed Chairman.
...because Bernank and his three that succeeded him will have been burned at the stake for taking the DXY to 9.
Did Krudlow fall off the wagon again? or just beating the traffic to the Hampsteins?
we are off the cliff......no, we are flying !!!!!
Does this guy's mommy know he's playing Monopoly with real money?
Rave on, fool.
Isn't this guy Steve Liesman's bastard child?
He is another status quo criminal muppet, trying to sell a book.
In February of this year James Altucher, wrote a post called 10 confessions. In it he admitted to being a white collar criminal, and an out an out criminal. But "his crimes helped him to be a better person".
Okay gang lets dig in:
6) In a year I won’t specify but more than five years ago I had a surefire technique for breaking into just about anyone’s email. Anyone who was potentially a threat to my business at the time had their emails read by me. And if they were really disruptive to my business I would disrupt their emails enough that they never bothered me again.
8 ) I had a car accident when I was 18 years old. I ran a redlight and almost killed someone. In the court case the lawyer encouraged me to lie and say the brakes didn’t work. So I did.
9) When I was at HBO I was helping to decide which companies would do which websites within the company. I had started a company on the side that was making websites for entertainment companies. I hired my own company in almost every instance.
All in all another pathetic excuse for an "expert" pandering to the populous, with outrageous claims. By all means lets reward his excellence by roasting his ass here ZH.
To be clear Mr. Altucher may be correct. The dow may go to 20,000 in the next 2 years. OF course my thesis is that is does so, because the USD is devalued by approximately 30%-50% over the same period of time. But then for a man like Mr. Altucher the end ALWAYS justifies the means.
Lizzy you are the MAN! You have been found out! Any questions?
Lizzy watch your back.
Now that you put it that way, I can imagine the USD being devalued by about 30% to 50%. Kinda scarey when you think that Mr. Altucher could be right.
coke is a hell of a drug
http://tinyurl.com/3rsswox
I was going to say the same thing, he's on coke or pills or somthing. full of shit too.
I could swear I saw this tooth-fairy, santa claus, easter bunny, unicorn believing kids' huggies poking out of his big boy pants.
It's not as funny as Jon Stewart's segment on Rep Wiener's tweeting a picture of his weener.
I like Howdy Doody's enthusiasm. But the adult guest should be ashamed of themselves...
Good Imitation of Sarah Palin. He might make a good player on her team - just like Geithner and Summer on Obama's!
It's good to know the AOT (Army Of Tards) has one more minion to be used as a sand bag to stop the flood of stupid.
James Altucher is a assclown. His 15 minutes of fame is going to end in 3,2,1...Kaboom
Some key statistics as prediction aids
http://www.nowandfutures.com/key_stats.html
He could be right, for the wrong reasons.
In January 1922, the Berlin stock exchange index was 743, by December it was 8981, a rise of 1200%. If the USD were to hyperinflate in a similar manner, the DOW would reach 145,000.
A more recent, and less dramatic, example is the Argentinian crisis of 1999-2002. As the crisis unfolded, and before captital controls were in place, the stock market rose ~217%. This would translate to a DOW of >26000.
It should be noted that the top 5% of wealthy people in Argentina did just fine, picking up antiques, cars and silver at bargain basement prices as the poor and middle class sold their possessions for food.
You can bet there will be another massive transfer of wealth in the United States in the next 12 months also.
Terrible what an NBC channel has to fill time with since J Fred Muggs died. Little fuzzy monkey.
I get first dibs on Liesman. Everyone else get in line behind me.
This is from the Onion News Network....right?
I'm fuckin speechless.
Mi laaf til mi weak
:-D
Lulz, he said "transitory" and "soft patch" in the same sentence. Get this guy a major party nomination.
This must be a fucking joke, right?
Probably the best thing i've read while on shrooms
So folks, remember, you heard it from James Altucher first, We don't need no stinkin' jobs.... I'm sitting here with my calculator figuring out what percentage of my McDonald's salary will go to TiVo.... hey, good news people!!!! I think I can buy that polyester shirt manufactured in Bangladesh now!!!!!
Don't be haytin' on polyesta, yo. Dat shit's a wonda fabric.
It's SPACE AGE!
hahaha
wow this guy is a genius
oh wait
no he's not
Transitory Soft Patch Bitchez!!!
wtf... the worst part about this were the other guys who basically agreed with him.
seriously insanity
That was funny. I still miss RadioZero.
We need another cash for clunkers, cept with houses.
If your house is older than 5 yrs, you can summon the government to come with a wrecking ball and flatten it. Then the govt builds you a new one with 0% interest.
POW....... Dow at 20k overnight when people invest in stocks with their new found cash cow they can get equity loans against, even if they dont have equity yet.
Its ingenious...al
"I loved this convesration. It was nothing but positive"
Exactly, CNBC is nothing but a kool-aid drinking stock promoting shill outfit.
What's it been, two and a half years now we've heard about "green shoots" from these clowns? And the run up in gold has been a "bubble" for the last ten years.
Holy fuck - I kept waiting for the laugh track to kick in - I thought this was some kind on SNL parody of CNBS until the very end, when I realized <shudder> this caricature of a brainless ANALYST was for REALS on actual TV!
This is beyond unbelievable
Very thin line between comedy and tragedy
Scuse me while I puke
DOW 200MM. Not until the DOW/Eggs ratio hits 3, though.
CNBC must really be scraping the bottom to find new pumpers to put on this guy. I do not plan on watching CNBC again until the Fed Res fails for good. I will tune in that day to see how they try to spin it. My guess is they call it transitory.
"Since we are laughing too hard to be able to type for any extended period without fatfingerdly sending the ES to 0..."
Now that's fucking funny!
Confucious says! ( YOU START OVER SUNDAY) Thanks for the Junk. I'll be sure and be a better person.
Since when is Arnold Horshack a stock expert? I thought Mr Kotter was keeping an eye on this guy