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Dow 20,000 Or Bust; Or How James Altucher Stole Birinyi's Ruler

Tyler Durden's picture


In tonight's episode of "Friday night comedy with Zero Hedge", instead of name play (also here) or almost factual Bloomerg [sic] stories we present 6 minutes of stand up comedy from the one, the only James Altucher who brings the mysterious case of the missing Birinyi ruler, to a close. Since we are laughing too hard to be able to type for any extended period without fatfingerdly sending the ES to 0, we open up to our readers the following clip of pure comedic bliss in which Altucher makes the trivial case for Dow 20,000 using the very same arguments you have heard elsewhere at least a thousands times, though with such conviction, dedication, and passion, that one not help but stare mesmerized, mouth agape, and hypnotized submitting a limit buy order for the DO at 19,999 (because, ultimately, it is a good deal - just ask James).


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Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:06 | 1338246 Nolsgrad
Nolsgrad's picture

hahahahahah! You can't eat iPads moron

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:36 | 1338475 flacon
flacon's picture

I agree - DOW 20000 GOLD $20,000. I think he's a bit low actually, I think DOW 54000 GOLD $54,000. WTF is the DOW measured in? Ohhh... it's USD. ... I get it now....  


The best and easiest way for countries to increase GDP is to PRINT MORE FUCKING MONEY! 


Remember this?: C + I + G + X − M = Y(GDP)




Therefore SPENDING = GDP, therefore PRINTING = GDP. The more we print the MORE WE PRODUCE = BETTER we are; according to Keynes. Where is Keynes - I want to piss on your grave you mo-fo! @@@##@# 

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:58 | 1338532 I think I need ...
I think I need to buy a gun's picture

i agree with flacon.....if it takes a 3rd world currency effect it could be Dow 36000 and gold 36000 by 2015.....pension problem solved they don't buy anything.


Gold revaluation shortly

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:21 | 1338587 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

I am sure the Zimbabwe stock market saw some (phe)nomenal highs, too.  If I remember correctly, they had some 200-300% up days! 

Measure everything in gold to get a true price at this time (btw, gasoline is cheap priced in gold).

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 04:38 | 1338917 doggings
doggings's picture

Measure everything in gold to get a true price at this time (btw, gasoline is cheap priced in gold).


Sat, 06/04/2011 - 08:23 | 1339003 Thomas
Thomas's picture

No clown car?

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 23:57 | 1340583 Spirit Of Truth
Spirit Of Truth's picture

Jimmy got a hair cut!  Now THAT has to be a sign of doom...

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 07:57 | 1338987 AlexanderG
AlexanderG's picture

The muliplier is BS as it depends on credit to have this theoretical effect. When I borrow $600B to buy donuts; the most the donut guy can buy in newspapers is with what is leftover after costs. All of "multiplier" roots to credit and James forgets to mention the pile of debt building up in the closet which when rates go up will wreck the economy. I made this video about James:

The Asset Management industry is in deep trouble if people turn to gold and silver; they will lose those management fees and free money to put into ponzi schemes. Yahoo Tech Ticker, CNBC etc are all paid for by advertising by the Asset Management Industry

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 08:29 | 1339009 Bendromeda Strain
Bendromeda Strain's picture

The multiplier is a transitory phenomenon that exists during a finite period of debt expansion. As was shown over a year ago, debt saturation has finally inverted the multiplier.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 11:25 | 1339191 legal eagle
legal eagle's picture

Not funny. Either hyperinfaltion and he is right or no hyperinflation and Dow at 8000. Either way, not funny, economy not free, broke, and tweetering on disaster.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 16:16 | 1339791 HitTheFan
HitTheFan's picture

I read somewhere that Altucher is married to a relative of the Bernank's brother, so he's a paid up clan member.

He runs a cute little blog, where I like to go to give him shit (he banned me, but for some dunm reason has unbanned me again):

A few more ZH'ers posting some juicy comments there would be nice to see!!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:06 | 1338247 MrPook
MrPook's picture

bitcoins bitchezzz

its not relevant, i just wanted to be first to say it

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 02:51 | 1338870 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

ok, i lasted 13 seconds with J.A....

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 08:17 | 1338998 Thomas
Thomas's picture

No matter what happens to the DOW, Altoucher will always be an Altouche Bag.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 10:59 | 1339146 Roger O. Thornhill
Roger O. Thornhill's picture

It may just be me, but all I see when I watch this is out of control asperger's syndrome.



Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:05 | 1338254 MrPook
MrPook's picture

who the fuck is this lunatic?

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:13 | 1338284 ihedgemyhedges
ihedgemyhedges's picture

If I remember correctly, he was in Revenge of the Nerds Part II...............Which, by the way, is the worst movie of all time..................

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:14 | 1338293 MrPook
MrPook's picture

assrape is too good for him

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:39 | 1338359 rocker
rocker's picture

Me thinks they already done that to him. That's why he is talking out his ass.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 00:55 | 1338763 HowardBeale
HowardBeale's picture

He understands him, though he's speaking in Santorum. (Is it possible to fuck yourself  up your own arse? Ironic how close that word/name is to sanitary.)

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 10:08 | 1339088 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

Yes, is possible.  Source: the internet.

I am Chumbawamba.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:41 | 1338499 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

Smokey and the Bandit II would give the Nerds a run for worst movie ever.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:01 | 1338429 Number 156
Number 156's picture

Its David Lerah's bastard child!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:36 | 1338472 Sizzurp
Sizzurp's picture

This is the moron who used to be on one of's websites "stockpikr".  This guy went cataplexic during the 08 crash.  I remember him saying he had lost a substantial amount of money, so he was putting all his remaining money into the natural gas ETF, which then promptly went straight down.  Why and how this guy makes it on TV is a complete mystery to me.  Complete loser.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:23 | 1338590 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Maybe Jim Cramer is leaving CNBS, and they are auditioning replacements for him?

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 08:00 | 1338985 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

yes Sizzurp, but he makes his real money selling books, which is why he says this crap and people buy it, and why the establishment invites him onto TV saying precisely what they want to hear..

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 09:16 | 1339041 Arius
Arius's picture

"Why and how this guy makes it on TV is a complete mystery to me".


if you see financial tv and media for what it is a tool to separate you from your money than it all makes perfect sense....think about it...

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:45 | 1338642 Missiondweller
Missiondweller's picture

He's the next Harry Dent

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 01:00 | 1338775 M4570D0N
M4570D0N's picture

He's the guy that also wrote these gems on MarketWatch earlier this month:

Why Apple is going to be worth $2 trillion
Why insider trading should be legal

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:09 | 1338255 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Wow. Yet another all time low for the Blowhorn.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:45 | 1338649 akak
akak's picture

Hey BoP, don't forget to rake that bastard Nadler over the coals for me this coming Sunday and Monday in Vancouver!  I will be eagerly awaiting your report.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:05 | 1338256 MrPook
MrPook's picture

what a complete dick

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:06 | 1338257 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

The blind EYE, is the course of Thought. It feels really heavy.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:10 | 1338271 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Gag me with a transitory spoon.

CNBC Fight Club?

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:12 | 1338281 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Thank all of you! Well done.  

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:57 | 1338669 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

The first 2 rules of CNBC Fight Club is that you blab about CNBC fight club on the air...

but I have yet to say enough.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:11 | 1338276 Bill D. Cat
Bill D. Cat's picture

The stupid is strong with this one ..... and yes , I watched . Improving demographics ?

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:19 | 1338296 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Charter a G-5 Bill, and explore New Guinea. These gen(y-ers) are hooked with gen -x.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:16 | 1338282 djsmps
djsmps's picture

This took you two days to comment on? I have a screenshot of the Marketwatch page where it was headlines.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:21 | 1338319 Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden's picture

There's a reason Friday night humor is not called Wednesday night humor...

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:41 | 1338366 djsmps
djsmps's picture

Thank you. And I was just kidding. I love this site.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:10 | 1338438 Reese Bobby
Reese Bobby's picture

Ass Kisser.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:46 | 1338373 rocker
rocker's picture

Hey Tyler. You got mentioned twice on Bloomberg today. It's good to know that they read it. ZH rules.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:51 | 1338387 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

That was Tom Keene, and he's an undercover reader.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:08 | 1338441 Reese Bobby
Reese Bobby's picture

Bloomberg News was posting ZH stories under company news for months.  Then I assume somebody at that liberal shill shit-hole read some of them, so not anymore!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:33 | 1338481 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Where are these articles?  Maybe I should start reading Bloomberg again?

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:48 | 1338514 Reese Bobby
Reese Bobby's picture

Early 2011.  It's hard not to read Bloomberg if you handle fiat for a living.  If you aren't a captive user you aren't missing much.  Most people I know check ZH a couple times a day for an objective view on markets.  We just don't comment here from work.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:15 | 1338569 wannabe traitor
wannabe traitor's picture

yep. i'm on that same boat. Some of the guys i work with actually have the balls to laugh after reading an article here on zh, and brush it off as conspiracy talk. They'd rather stick to "bloomberg." I work with a bunch of faggot bitches.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 06:05 | 1338942 equity_momo
equity_momo's picture

..and that was Saturday morning funny. thx

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:13 | 1338287 mr. mirbach
mr. mirbach's picture

DOW to 20,000 once EUR/DOL = 5.175  in July

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:35 | 1338485 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Europe will definitely not be able to pay their debts owed with that ratio.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:17 | 1338289 Paul Bogdanich
Paul Bogdanich's picture

Was that an actual TV clip?  Hard to believe if it was.  I guess that kid has never had anything negative happen to him in his entire life.  Can't understand that there is no demand at the bottom.  None, zip, zero, zilch, nada.  Real hard to build a working economy on that.   

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:55 | 1338401 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture

demand ? did you just say demand ?

maybe he knows about as much as you

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 09:38 | 1339058 Paul Bogdanich
Paul Bogdanich's picture

Actually I said "no demand."

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 14:48 | 1339604 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture

no demand then, you still said demand which means you know fuck all nothing about economics

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:13 | 1338442 Reese Bobby
Reese Bobby's picture

I think hanging from your underwear most days at school qualifies as negative.  He was very unsure of himself until he smoked his first penis...that was his turning point.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 10:45 | 1339129 DeltaDawn
DeltaDawn's picture

Couldn't watch the clip because I'm on my Ipoo, so Googled him and read excepts from his book. Seems like he has had his share of life, so I wouldn't jump all over him unless you can't tolerate anyone slightly different than yourself!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:18 | 1338290 mfoste1
mfoste1's picture

Why would they even entertain such radical thoughts at cnbc? ok this jagoff says that QE2 effects havent even begun to take effect. OK so what have effect of QE1 been? OH YEA IT DIDNT DO ANYTHING!!!! I can only imagine the inflationary "effects" that are to come if what this guy says is true. But, wait, if real wages are falling due to an increase in the markup of goods, then thats negative for consumer spending(largest component of gdp). Ok so lets combine decrease in consumer spending, government spending cuts that must be implemented in august to raise debt ceiling, and a spike in bond rates(inevtiable after QE2 ends in June) which means decrease in private investment(stock market)= RECESSION!!!! this man has no clue in regards to economics whatsoever,

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:50 | 1338510 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

Yeah, I like how they conveniently forgot that, according to their lag theory, right now is when the effects of QE1 should be making an impact. Meanwhile, the economy is melting down and it's becoming harder for the MSM to put a positive spin on anything, so they trot these clowns out to do a magic show.

Just marvelous...

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:19 | 1338295 flyr1710
flyr1710's picture

lol..marketwatch ran this story yesterday after the great market debacle on wednesday

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:16 | 1338297 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Yes, I have to totally agree, with rising food stamp recipients purchasing lobster dogs, truffles, and Dom Perignon Rose in addition to weekend jaunts to Monte Carlo - DOW 20,000 is a given...

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:19 | 1338298 bad craziness
bad craziness's picture

This fuckwit is going to be right for the wrong reason.  It'll be inflationary meltup.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:19 | 1338306 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  B-C  I can assure you , that you are playing into the game

    Yen Cross

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:50 | 1338386 rocker
rocker's picture

That's the only reason it can go up to 20,000. Instead of margin expansion he should have said monetary expansion.

   Got Gold and PM's !?! 

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 01:49 | 1338819 Saxxon
Saxxon's picture

That is correct and a gold star for you.  Failing grade for the embittered here who do not get it.

He who makes money in this market Is. Smarter. Than. he who does not.

That is all it's about.  Livermore said it, if you don't believe me.  He said it's not about being right, it's about making money.  Reminiscences of Stock Market Operator, 1925 ghostwritten by Mr. LeFevre.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 04:57 | 1338907 zhandax
zhandax's picture

I heartily endorse the Livermore reference.  Everyone should read it.  Of course DOW 20,000.  Where else would it be with the dollar index at 25? 

The bottom line is this.... these companies are not only valued at future cash flows.  In extremis, a banker would value them for the capital assets they control.  At some point in the near future, these companies will be traded at something close to this value.  That is where the sharks, and you, if you are smart, will be loading the boat.  Watch the pre-QE3 slide for the Filene's bargain basement-style generational buying opportunities.  Convert everything to gold for a cogent comparison of asset values.  Concentrate on those which have a long history of dividend production.

And it may not be QE3; it may be QE4 but I expect this point to be reached by end of H1 2012.  But be mentally prepared; factoring in the dollar, it will probably look like a smokin pile of rubble by then.  Then again, perhaps not.  It just occurred to me that this crowd would consider bankers jumping out of windows a buying sign.  It may not get to that extreme; at least if it does, you know what to do.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:17 | 1338300 Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

Dow could easily hit 20,000 after QE3, 4 and 5.


Gold at 4,000. Silver at 75.


Gas at $20/gal.


James Altdoucher is getting paid to say what they want said, nothing more.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:19 | 1338313 MrPook
MrPook's picture


Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:21 | 1338318 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture


  My Mother in law could DIE!   Thank God for Target !!

Sun, 06/05/2011 - 09:10 | 1340990 snowball777
snowball777's picture

Unless minimum wage == $25/hr, $20/gal == S&P 666.

Wriggle, writhe,'s inescapable.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:19 | 1338309 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture


I can get stimulus money to buy a donut? 

Where do I sign up?!?

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:49 | 1338515 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

Thanks, dude, I needed that laugh.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 02:48 | 1338868 M4570D0N
M4570D0N's picture

Could have gotten one for free today. It was national donut day. Krispy Kreme, Dunkin, Shipley's, wherever. Always good times.

Sun, 06/05/2011 - 09:11 | 1340991 snowball777
snowball777's picture

So you like to eat gubmint 'nut?

Watch out for that icing!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:19 | 1338310 flyr1710
flyr1710's picture

the title of this segment should be...'harry potter teaches economics'

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:54 | 1338396 rocker
rocker's picture

It's not nice to belittle Harry. He has a wand you know.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:23 | 1338314 Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

He sounds like he is high on X or something.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:35 | 1338321 PhattyBuoy
PhattyBuoy's picture

This guy aldoucher has about as much credibility as his bad wig !

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:32 | 1338478 natty light
natty light's picture

Looks like Harpo.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:32 | 1338611 Fred Hayek
Fred Hayek's picture

Shut your mouth!

This weasel looks nothing like Harpo.  And Harpo was a god of intentional comedy.  This dipshit spouts farcical crap perfectly straight faced thinking it's truth.  Unintentional comedy.  Totally different.

Sun, 06/05/2011 - 09:14 | 1340994 snowball777
snowball777's picture

It does make for a challenging game of 'lying or crazy'.

Place your bets.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:31 | 1338323 Use of Weapons
Use of Weapons's picture

The fact that undergraduate interns can get mainstream TV time fills Russia and China with glee. I mean. Seriously?

Donuts as serious discourse. "A few hundred billion, three trillion, I'll deal with that". "Stock buy back is...". "We all have Ipads now". "CNBC fight club, right now".

Official - ZH is more important to the sector than MSM, NOW. They're trying to steal the fightclub aura, like that chinese CEO did with Steve Job's presentations. At this point, I'm afraid, you are totally fucked. Totally. Fucked. So badly fucked.


And Tyler, we salute you. I shall now deliver unto you a financial contribution, because low - the rubicon, it has been crossed.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 04:29 | 1338914 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Since it hasn't been outlawed outside of the banking industry- Bankruptcy should be great for the stock market- since it also reduces the supply of available equity at a given price... Ceteris Paribus (which never is, in the real world)...  Then there is the whole demand curve thingy... Heaven forbid Volker interrupts a Senate Banking Committee hearing to cap Bernanke on live television and ask for his old job back- in which case the wheelchair bound 401k bathrobe brigades might move faster than the HFT Altucher cyborgs and flash crash both the Dow and S&P to 0, in anticipation of attractive bonds and real austerity.  Even in bizarro world, Altucher is a loser.

That was the most vulgar display of group think I have seen in a long while.

Their crystal balls bear an uncanny resemblance to crack pipes. 

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:30 | 1338331 Raincheck
Raincheck's picture

That guy needs a barber not an audience.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:30 | 1338615 Fred Hayek
Fred Hayek's picture

If he went to a stylist, he'd have TOUPEE for it!

Sun, 06/05/2011 - 09:12 | 1340995 snowball777
snowball777's picture

Sweeney Todd by name.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:40 | 1338333 Arius
Arius's picture


on the multiplier effect argument, instead of the multiplier effect in the US economy of buying a macdonald, imagine if he had calculated the multiplier effect of temp workers at Macdonalds being paid 6$ per hour....he could argue for DOW 200,000 imagine that but again in 18 months who knows how many QE we'll get....thats the real question...then one can agree with the genius 18 months he could say i told you so, perhaps not because of the macdonald multiplier effect but QE unlimited but still who cares as long as he will be right...Boyaa!

what a definitely qualifies for Friday night comedy!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:31 | 1338334 THE DORK OF CORK
THE DORK OF CORK's picture

Arabians can buy 1000 concubines each and when they are finished with them  can recycle these girlies through New York & London

The innovation from this petrodollar system is limitless..............

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:36 | 1338348 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Thanks Cork. We should discuss the EURO thread.

Sun, 06/05/2011 - 09:25 | 1341005 snowball777
snowball777's picture

Yo Yen!

I believe we're seeing doomed intervention (yeah, you thought it was only for Japan) and/or a short squeeze effect that will collapse shortly into $1.30 land...but who knows in today's tightly-scripted narrative of a market. I must be out of my mind squaring off with desperately cornered central bankers, but at least my shorts are on <casts look of disgust at DSK>, if she sneaks near $1.48 

Maybe even sell some eurodollar to cover it?

I know. I know. Don't be such a downer. ;)

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:30 | 1338338 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture


Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:31 | 1338342 musicmax
musicmax's picture

Would you buy a used car from someone whose jacket sleeves are five inches too long?

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:34 | 1338351 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Yes I would. Matter of factly. Care to ask why?

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:41 | 1338357 Bodhi
Bodhi's picture

Economic soft patch.  Classic.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:16 | 1338449 Reese Bobby
Reese Bobby's picture

"Transitory"  Like Ned Beatty in Deliverance.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:12 | 1338563 Manthong
Manthong's picture

More like Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 04:01 | 1338903 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

"soft patch"...the memo's gone round...

soft.  patch....and suddenly it's like the economy is tiptoeing through a field of creamed corn....

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:42 | 1338361 donpaulo
donpaulo's picture

that was awesome

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:39 | 1338362 glenlloyd
glenlloyd's picture

that was hilarious!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:48 | 1338378 UncleFurker
UncleFurker's picture

Hey James! You're a twat!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:51 | 1338388 Misean
Misean's picture

I see the trend of giving privaleged brats Bar-Mitzvah gifts to spout on about their fantasy football trades has now hit CNBS.


Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:52 | 1338399 famousamos
famousamos's picture

I saw this on tv too and thought it was a joke. I was waiting for someone to agree with him and reference how the zimbabwe stock market defied the larger economic issues of it's time - but alas, no such luck. Zimbabwefication not mentioned.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:13 | 1338566 Goldenhands57
Goldenhands57's picture

See!! I told you guys those Two HUNDRED Trillion Zimbabwe Dollars I have proves this guy is the most extream financial genius of all time!!! Damn!! I KNEW I was rich when I took both of those bills to pay the property taxes and I'll be damn if they didn't just laugh at me! Fuckerz! I guess that DoW 20,000 was more important than the FACT that those two bills are nuthin but ass will be FRN. I wonder what boy wonder here will be touting then? Pet Rocks? Beanie Babies? Maybe I-pad bling! Oooo.. sparkly..very sparkly!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:52 | 1338400 Luke 21
Luke 21's picture

Surprised to see Scott Minerd agreeing with James Altucher. Maybe they are right, but I would bet on Dow 5,000 before I bet on Dow 20,000. Dow 20,000 in 12 to 18 months seems like a pretty absurd call.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:35 | 1338617 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Use the force, Luke. 

It's a quantum function--it'll go from 12,000 to 20,000 without passing anything in between.  Analog is dead.

It won't even hit 15,000 on the way up. 

Phase-state transitions FTW.  Buy the call before it's too late.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:56 | 1338403 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  LESSON  # 1

     Never put down your peers!

         Exploit their tallents!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:54 | 1338407 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

    I hope people realize how STUPID my REMARKS Are!?

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 00:29 | 1338728 saulysw
saulysw's picture

More than you might imagine.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 21:55 | 1338409 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

Sold, to James Altucher, one DJI futures contract for settlement in Jan 2013 with a strike of 19,999. I’m giving him a tic discount as an added incentive to do the deal. Full disclosure, I’m going short on this trade.

The really scary thing is that if for some bizarre reason he turns out to be right, he will probably be nominated to become the next Treasury Secretary or Fed Chairman. At the very least he would get a huge publishing contract to write a best seller and become the new go-to authority for every economic issue that comes up on CNBC. Actually, if this bullshit leads to a ratings increase, CNBC will probably hire him immediately to make a daily wild prediction.  

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:02 | 1338432 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

thats the beauty of his idiotic prediction, there is no downside and a very big upside for him personally

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 07:03 | 1338953 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

The really scary thing is that if for some bizarre reason he turns out to be right, he will probably be nominated to become the next Treasury Secretary or Fed Chairman.

...because Bernank and his three that succeeded him will have been burned at the stake for taking the DXY to 9.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:01 | 1338419 sheeple2012
sheeple2012's picture

Did Krudlow fall off the wagon again? or just beating the traffic to the Hampsteins?

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:00 | 1338426 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

we are off the, we are flying !!!!!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:04 | 1338428 Clay Hill
Clay Hill's picture

Does this guy's mommy know he's playing Monopoly with real money?

Rave on, fool.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:09 | 1338436 Eireann go Brach
Eireann go Brach's picture

Isn't this guy Steve Liesman's bastard child?

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:10 | 1338444 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

He is another status quo criminal muppet, trying to sell a book.

In February of this year James Altucher, wrote a post called 10 confessions. In it he admitted to being a white collar criminal, and an out an out criminal. But "his crimes helped him to be a better person".

Okay gang lets dig in:

6) In a year I won’t specify but more than five years ago I had a surefire technique for breaking into just about anyone’s email. Anyone who was potentially a threat to my business at the time had their emails read by me. And if they were really disruptive to my business I would disrupt their emails enough that they never bothered me again.

8 ) I had a car accident when I was 18 years old. I ran a redlight and almost killed someone. In the court case the lawyer encouraged me to lie and say the brakes didn’t work. So I did.

9) When I was at HBO I was helping to decide which companies would do which websites within the company. I had started a company on the side that was making websites for entertainment companies. I hired my own company in almost every instance.

All in all another pathetic excuse for an "expert" pandering to the populous, with outrageous claims. By all means lets reward his excellence by roasting his ass here ZH.

To be clear Mr. Altucher may be correct. The dow may go to 20,000 in the next 2 years. OF course my thesis is that is does so, because the USD is devalued by approximately 30%-50% over the same period of time. But then for a man like Mr. Altucher the end ALWAYS justifies the means.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:48 | 1338506 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Lizzy you are the MAN! You have been found out! Any questions?


  Lizzy watch your back.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 01:00 | 1338770 Dr Zaius
Dr Zaius's picture

Now that you put it that way, I can imagine the USD being devalued by about 30% to 50%. Kinda scarey when you think that Mr. Altucher could be right.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:13 | 1338450 Reptil
Reptil's picture

coke is a hell of a drug

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:46 | 1338501 XPolemic
Sat, 06/04/2011 - 00:05 | 1338685 dogbreath
dogbreath's picture

I was going to say the same thing, he's on coke or pills or somthing.  full of shit too.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:17 | 1338452 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

I could swear I saw this tooth-fairy, santa claus, easter bunny, unicorn believing kids' huggies poking out of his big boy pants.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:15 | 1338453 rlouis
rlouis's picture

It's not as funny as Jon Stewart's segment on Rep Wiener's tweeting a picture of his weener. 

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:16 | 1338454 Reese Bobby
Reese Bobby's picture

I like Howdy Doody's enthusiasm.  But the adult guest should be ashamed of themselves...

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:41 | 1338493 XRAYD
XRAYD's picture

Good Imitation of Sarah Palin. He might make a good player on her team - just like Geithner and Summer on Obama's!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:42 | 1338500 punishmentnotrevenge
punishmentnotrevenge's picture

It's good to know the AOT (Army Of Tards) has one more minion to be used as a sand bag to stop the flood of stupid.


Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:43 | 1338502 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

James Altucher is a assclown. His 15 minutes of fame is going to end in 3,2,1...Kaboom

Some key statistics as prediction aids

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:03 | 1338507 XPolemic
XPolemic's picture

He could be right, for the wrong reasons. 

In January 1922, the Berlin stock exchange index was 743, by December it was 8981, a rise of 1200%. If the USD were to hyperinflate in a similar manner, the DOW would reach 145,000.

A more recent, and less dramatic, example is the Argentinian crisis of 1999-2002. As the crisis unfolded, and before captital controls were in place, the stock market rose ~217%. This would translate to a DOW of >26000.

It should be noted that the top 5% of wealthy people in Argentina did just fine, picking up antiques, cars and silver at bargain basement prices as the poor and middle class sold their possessions for food.

You can bet there will be another massive transfer of wealth in the United States in the next 12 months also.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:53 | 1338516 cpnscarlet
cpnscarlet's picture

Terrible what an NBC channel has to fill time with since J Fred Muggs died.  Little fuzzy monkey.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 22:56 | 1338522 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

"Let's do CNBC Fight Club right now."

I get first dibs on Liesman.  Everyone else get in line behind me.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:00 | 1338528 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

This is from the Onion News Network....right?


I'm fuckin speechless.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:00 | 1338535 Ras Bongo
Ras Bongo's picture

Mi laaf til mi weak


Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:27 | 1338599 AmazingLarry
AmazingLarry's picture

Lulz, he said "transitory" and "soft patch" in the same sentence. Get this guy a major party nomination. 

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:27 | 1338607 wannabe traitor
wannabe traitor's picture

This must be a fucking joke, right?


Probably the best thing i've read while on shrooms

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:32 | 1338609 Ted K
Ted K's picture

So folks, remember, you heard it from James Altucher first, We don't need no stinkin' jobs....  I'm sitting here with my calculator figuring out what percentage of my McDonald's salary will go to TiVo.... hey, good news people!!!! I think I can buy that polyester shirt manufactured in Bangladesh now!!!!!

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:35 | 1338624 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Don't be haytin' on polyesta, yo.  Dat shit's a wonda fabric.


Sat, 06/04/2011 - 07:34 | 1338969 equity_momo
equity_momo's picture


Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:34 | 1338621 roymunnson
roymunnson's picture

wow this guy is a genius


oh wait


no he's not

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:41 | 1338631 JW n FL
JW n FL's picture

Transitory Soft Patch Bitchez!!!


Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:44 | 1338647 Waffen
Waffen's picture

wtf... the worst part about this were the other guys who basically agreed with him.


seriously insanity

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:54 | 1338667 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

That was funny. I still miss RadioZero. 

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 00:02 | 1338676 SilverFish
SilverFish's picture

We need another cash for clunkers, cept with houses.


If your house is older than 5 yrs, you can summon the government to come with a wrecking ball and flatten it. Then the govt builds you a new one with 0% interest.



POW....... Dow at 20k overnight when people invest in stocks with their new found cash cow they can get equity loans against, even if they dont have equity yet.



Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:57 | 1338678 Missiondweller
Missiondweller's picture

"I loved this convesration. It was nothing but positive"

Exactly, CNBC is nothing but a kool-aid drinking stock promoting shill outfit.

What's it been, two and a half years now we've heard about "green shoots" from these clowns? And the run up in gold has been a "bubble" for the last ten years.

Fri, 06/03/2011 - 23:58 | 1338679 Confucious 222
Confucious 222's picture

Holy fuck - I kept waiting for the laugh track to kick in - I thought this was some kind on SNL parody of CNBS until the very end, when I realized <shudder> this caricature of a brainless ANALYST was for REALS on actual TV!

This is beyond unbelievable

Very thin line between comedy and tragedy

Scuse me while I puke



Sat, 06/04/2011 - 00:09 | 1338690 What_Me_Worry
What_Me_Worry's picture

DOW 200MM.  Not until the DOW/Eggs ratio hits 3, though.

CNBC must really be scraping the bottom to find new pumpers to put on this guy.  I do not plan on watching CNBC again until the Fed Res fails for good.  I will tune in that day to see how they try to spin it.  My guess is they call it transitory.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 00:16 | 1338705 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

"Since we are laughing too hard to be able to type for any extended period without fatfingerdly sending the ES to 0..."

Now that's fucking funny!


Sat, 06/04/2011 - 00:23 | 1338712 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Confucious says! ( YOU START OVER SUNDAY) Thanks for the Junk. I'll be sure and be a better person.

Sat, 06/04/2011 - 00:41 | 1338716 plocequ1
plocequ1's picture

Since when is Arnold Horshack a stock expert? I thought Mr Kotter was keeping an eye on this guy

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