This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.
Dow 20,000 Or Bust; Or How James Altucher Stole Birinyi's Ruler
In tonight's episode of "Friday night comedy with Zero Hedge", instead of name play (also here) or almost factual Bloomerg [sic] stories we present 6 minutes of stand up comedy from the one, the only James Altucher who brings the mysterious case of the missing Birinyi ruler, to a close. Since we are laughing too hard to be able to type for any extended period without fatfingerdly sending the ES to 0, we open up to our readers the following clip of pure comedic bliss in which Altucher makes the trivial case for Dow 20,000 using the very same arguments you have heard elsewhere at least a thousands times, though with such conviction, dedication, and passion, that one not help but stare mesmerized, mouth agape, and hypnotized submitting a limit buy order for the DO at 19,999 (because, ultimately, it is a good deal - just ask James).
»
- 20885 reads
- Printer-friendly version
- Send to friend
- advertisements -
LOL
OH OH OH OH
Correction...
Whore-shack...
Well I'll step in and defend altucher(not his view). As someone mentioned he was with stockpikr which he actually made and then sold the site to Cramer. He's a serial entrepreneur which IMO is worth more than scamming the system with algo robots. He also runs a blog which has some great stories(assuming they're true). Saying Dow 13k isn't exciting, CNBC is entertainment not news.
WHAT A FUCKING TOOL... FUCK! On another note, I have been getting really easy math question captchas lately, thank god.
I hear you. The old coin flip on whether (-x) was a positive as one would think, or a negative to mess with you is less prevalent...
Gotta love Larry "Lower Those Taxes" Kudlow. He must have been snarkling about this guy himself - but he could'nt keep a straight face so he booked him - Powerpoint and all - when he was scheduled to be out of town.
Larry... ya shoulda gone Hollywood, ya woulda been somethin...
I really can't stop laughing... knowing that some people are taking this guy seriously...
I am going to lose my shit if I happen to catch this guy on Fox next..
Altucher will be more right than all others, I think. Fade him at your own risk.
Consider him as faded as Atomic rooster
He picked the interim low in Dow last September 2010 accurately and ripped the bears accurately. Dow 20,000 with Gold $20,000.
If Dow and gold both going to $20K, gold's the obvious choice, innit?
Ya but with stocks you get this...
http://history.icanhascheezburger.com/2011/05/29/funny-pictures-history-...
Dow 20k? Easy. Gold $20k = Dow $20k don't think so,
more like Gold $2000/oz, Dow 20k. Just watch.
And btw EUR is no way better than USD, but even worse.
You'll see that bitzhch will drop from there in no time, for
another reason like Portugul or Span or whichever next "Pig"
blow up. EUR go down before USD.
"Nothing but positive"
Thank God for Zero Hedge...It should have it's own TV channel.
If you ask any old farmer, can he make his farm more valuable by taking borrowed money and burning it, having to pay interest on the burned up money, along with a principle pay back, he would say that is the stupidest concept he has ever heard. Yet, America is doing this with Trillion's of dollars. Watch and see the state and county municipal bonds default in the next 2 years, it doesn't matter where the DOW is. Already in California, New Jersey, Florida, cities are eliminating police and fire departments, and letting the sheriff's department cover larger area's and fire department's cover greater area's, as they are reducing staff. The pension plans cannot be supported, much less more or the same services. This of course leads to more crime, more unsolved crime and greater property and state income taxes, even as real estate devalues. This has got to make the old farmer shake his head in disgust more than the stupid scenario of borrowing money and burning it would make his farm more valuable.
This clown, who 'was' a stock picker, is the by-product of our great university system in America. There is no sanity in his presentation, only stupid statistics that never have worked and never will. Physical Gold, Silver will be the currency of the future, and I guarantee you he has neither. I guarantee you the old farmer has a stash of PM's in physical form. We all know that this is the end of 'Freedom' in the USA, the old saying 'It eats but it don't shit', is a true description of all QE. When the whip comes down-and it has to soon-our Friday night comedian will end up at the old farmer's door, begging for food or any kind of work, but the farmer will just smile and say,'Can't you read boy? ALL TRESPASSER'S WILL BE SHOT ON SIGHT!', and with that, he will discharge his 12 gauge, and rid the world of another useless, good for nothing idiot...
It's coming, faster than we think, like a thief in the night-one day all at once, logic will rule, time proven principle's will prevail and all yuppie, spoiled, metro-sexual talking head's will be gone. Then, and only then can we build a self supporting, reality based economy--but oh. I forgot, by then China will have taken over the 'land of the free', and they like to regulate (through Murder), who eat's and who doesn't, how many children (one) a family can have, how many dog's (one) a family can have. China is our 'partner', we cannot live without them now--but I assure you they can and want to live with out us...how's that for comedy!
Why stop there, if he wanted a shock factor he should of said Dow 50,000, gold 100,000, and toilet paper thats already green :)
Very rarely do I ever want to laugh, then punch someone in the face, but this dude does it everytime. I think it's his carefree hair and fucked English stereotypical teeth that do it. Or maybe the diarrhia that comes gushing out of his facehole. Anyway, not to worry, he was interviewed on NBC saying he wasn't going to send his socially awkward pudgy daughter to college. I just sat and chuckled at the fucked world we live in.
This gobshyte has reproduced? Jesus..
I watched PBS news tonight. Also a sad joke. Reporter talked about the need to cut billions in government expenses. He was only out by a factor of 1000. The stupidity I see all around me is scary.
I wrote that last post before I actually watche the clip. My abs are still hurting from this. "We could have a massive rally in bonds.... Stocks. Stocks" Hyberbolistic behavior.
About as coherent as I've ever heard from a progressive.
TD..Funny how they never seem to mention ZH. It like all of us daytraders know..This place exists. But then they just make sure the mainstream is going "don't know nothing, except what Romney was up to" Oh and cramer liked xyz Is it just me? It really seems so controlled.
Lets do CNBC fight club right now
Throwing rotten tomatoes at James is one thing. Throwing e. coli tomatoes is another. It's going to cost a lot to secure the global food supply. Which way will we go... homegrown or the global Altucher 20k solution. I think we have an entire generation with no tomato growing experience and unlike the Greeks, we can't throw yogurt because a Pinkberry is nearly $10.
http://tradewithdave.com/?p=6756
Dave Harrison
www.tradewithdave.com
...more surreal than funny.
Fight Club? Never heard of it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnS5_Ud0jKQ&feature=related
So a guy buys a doughnut, giving the next guy enough cash for a newspaper, giving the next guy enough cash to buy a sofa!
That's one expensive newspaper. Can I be the next guy. I give the sofa man a crap sofa from DFS (or some such shitty place), he gives me enough fiat to buy 20,000oz of silver. The chain stops there and I laugh my ass off.
Keep it coming CNBC, you schmucks.
Phil , Scott and James , youre like The 3 Stooges except im just gonna call you The 3 Cunts.
Why why why do these douches talk about when the Fed are going to raise rates - they are NOT going to raise rates ever. Because its way past event horizon you fucking numbnuts. The system is dying , jacking rates will just topple it quicker.
LIQUIDITY TRAP.
DOW 20,000 in 2012?
Unemployment still in the 8's and 9's in 2012?
Federal deficit exploding even further.
Osama dead, but foreign war spending continuing on the up and up, with no payback.
Sounds like riots in the streets to me.
Revolution is not a bad word.
Eventually the Federal Hog and its dollar will have a heart attack and roll over dead.
Then we will be in a position to have liberty and get back to basics, and the economy will truly grow.
Instead of this insane Kool Aide coming out of DC together with the hogwash.
"DOW 20,000 in 2012?"
And why not? Corporate profits are higher than ever.
Companies are sitting on pile of cash, besides 20000 in
what terms? since 1990's Dollar lost a lot of value, so that
number should't be a shocker.. 20 000 NOW, probably around
10 000 compare to 1998 and yes, some Tech stocks
are very cheap. So that comedian does have a point or two.
I thought using crack was illegal...guess not...
....even James ought to know the old chinese proverb that says "always keep mouth shut while picking nose" ...!
Diazepamic Bitchez!
None of the other drones thought of asking what happened to QE1 which started over 2 years ago? Oh yeah inflation raging now.
The obviously never heard of the "Cantillon Effect"
http://mises.org/daily/774
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Cantillon
Here he is in August 2008: "Buy the whole market". Hmmmm, how did that work out?
http://video.cnbc.com/gallery/?video=827909740
These guys must be talking about a different planet! I can't believe ANYONE would be STUPID enough to get on CNBC and say this shit - Oh, wait a minute, yes I can believe it. God help anyone that follows their thoughts and applies them in the markets. What we are witnessing is pure "BREAD and CIRCUS"
LOL a "market veteran" who's only 43 years old.........
Holy crap - this guy must be smoking crap - surely he's just kidding - no way he can believe that stuff. Actually that Phil guy and Kudlow guy also are full of it. What is this, CNBC? What's that? Is it a spin off of the comedy channel? Glad I don't have TV - what a waste of time.
Kudlow is on vacation this week and CNBC may have had trouble getting someone semi credible. Perhaps they had a cancellation and JA was a "get someone , anyone who can stand upright for 60 seconds" replacement. One good thing his "dow 20K " skit is it shocked me out of my Friday night stupor long enough to switch to ballgame. thanks JA.
Why does anyone, I forgot it was the idiots at CNBC, give this guy airtime??? He has done nothing, he is nobody (but a clown), his batting percentage is no better than a 3rd grader's......yet people think you should listen to him..well, only the stupid people who want to be fleeced....unless you're looking for comedic relief.
Whenvere someone tries to make a name for themselves by making these over the top predictions I like to google them and see what they were saying in 2008 the year the fun started. Altucher wrote an article titled the underlevered american. IN 2006!!!..wow..what foresight!!
http://bigpicture.typepad.com/comments/2006/06/james_altucher_.html
and in Oct 2008 this gem:
These are serious times so let’s get down to business. Here are seven reasons to be bullish.
• Oil prices have halved. People will now be able to pay back their subprime loans. Banks will have to start writing up the subprime debt that caused this whole mess.
OK one more..this time perma-bull Phil Orlando . In an interview in Feb 2008, 2 monthis into the worst recession since the Great Depression and arguably the biggest economic event of our lifetimes, Phil said this:
"My conversation with Federated Investors' Chief Equity Market Strategist includes a no recession call for 2008, the outlook for the US economy and markets, valuation, and corporate profitability."
again..what foresight!!!
http://vinnycatalano.blogspot.com/2008/02/beyond-sound-bite-interview-wi...
I demand equally moronic air-time and my dog would like to add his view as well.
I disagree with this guy! Temp workers are being hired... to REPLACE FULL TIME WORKERS... not in addition to, but to replace full time workers. Two part time workers = 1 full time employee who will work a combined 60 hours a week for less money, no benefits, and no health insurance issues to worry about. This is not an uptrend, but a way for businesses to avoid the high cost of heath care, and to pay LESS for more work, without the burdens of benefits and holiday pay.
Some added humor for Monday. V.P. Biden's economist, who has a degree in Sociology, and creative director for the Obama comedy team Jared Bernstein will be guest hosting CNBS. He invented the punchline "saved or created". What a guy. Maybe we can have real guffaws if the bring up the creator of the slapstick classic "Summer of Recovery". comedian and Borshtbelt Fave ;Tim Geithner.
I must say the conversation here was great.
This guy is a clown, not for saying the Dow will go to 20,000, but for thinking that it matters what the Dow does, because it is priced in fiat, and the issue is fiat, not stock market performance.
Personally, yes it could go up in this sick and tortured environment, but there wasn't 150x the insider sellers to inside buyers last month because insiders thought it would go up. The stock market is set for quite a tumble.
These guys are no better than house flippers. Any idiot can make money flipping houses, until they get caught in a jam. Any idiot can make money following what the Fed wants in this market, until they get caught and give it all back. The issues are bank insolvency, fiscal crisis, currency devaluation, and the stealth movement toward a gold standard. The rest is just details.
The one thing these fools got right is that the old rules don't apply here. They try to use that mantra at the top of every bubble, but this really is an exceptional crisis so even a broken clock is right twice a day. However, if you read This Time It's Different, you will see that this crisis isn't very unique at all and that there are even older rules which this crisis is following to a letter.
Let the fools trade like fools.
Insiders selling? Well here an example and that was while
ago and not NFLX are at 273
Analysts says it's going down, insiders says, shorts says
and yet it's keep going up:
"3. Netflix (NFLX): Analysts’ average price target for Netflix is $157.83, yet the stock is trading at $191. There aren’t any insider purchases but several insiders are selling"
If you so sure Market is setup for drop? Short it and see how
it goes. I'll better buy good quality companies with the Div
on sale. NObody can predict Markets and BTW S&P and DOW
still in the uptrend. SPY plenty room to test 200 MA.
But surely many doomsters comeout of the woods, cause
they're completely missed whole run up. :)
CNBC (Clowns N Bozo's Circus) gives this guy airtime to continue the deception and suck in the public at the top; of course if the dollar drops by 50%, then Dow could reach 20,000 but it would be meaningless.
http://www.insidermonkey.com/blog/2011/01/20/20-stocks-wall-street-analy...
That was in 2010, Check them all up and see :)) How thos "ANALysts" are doing
Here are the 20 stocks Wall Street analysts expect to fall the most:
1. Sears Holdings (SHLD): Average target price for Sears is $58. The stock currently trades above $72. There weren’t any recent insider purchases or sales in Sears Holding.
2. Masco Corp (MAS): Average price target is $11.42 and the most recent stock price is $13.36. There weren’t any insider purchases or sales in Masco.
3. Netflix (NFLX): Analysts’ average price target for Netflix is $157.83, yet the stock is trading at $191. There aren’t any insider purchases but several insiders are selling like crazy. Netflix is also one of the stocks Whitney Tilson is extremely bearish about. It was also one of Tilson’s biggest losers last year, increasing around 250%.
4. Nvidia Corp (NVDA): The stock trades above $22.50 but analysts’ average price target is only $20.20. There aren’t any insiders purchasing but there were two insiders selling during the past 3 months.
5. Xilinx Inc (XLNX): Average price target for XLNX is $28.01 and the stock trades above $31. There weren’t any insider trading in Xilinx.
6. Autonation (AN): Average price target is $25.14, but the stock trades at $28.77. There have been several insiders buying and selling Autonation’s stock.
7. F5 Networks (FFIV): The stock trades at $139.37 but average price target is only $128.56. There were no insider purchases but there were several insider sales in F5 Networks.
8. Novellus Sys (NVLS): Current stock price is $35.68 and the average price target is $33.30. There were no insider purchases but several insiders were selling Novellus shares during the past three months.
9. Whole Foods (WFMI): Analysts’ average price target is $48.35 and the stock price is currently $52.64. There were also several insiders selling WFMI.
10. JDS Uniphase (JDSU): The stock trades at $16.60, slightly above analysts’ $16.11 price target. There were several insider sales in JDS Uniphase during the past couple of weeks.
11. Sealed Air Corp (SEE): Average price target is $24.64 vs. the current stock price of $25.81. There were two insiders selling and an insider buying Sealed Air stock. As a result, the stock doesn’t satisfy our criteria to short.
12. Hudson City Bancorp (HCBK): There aren’t any insider transactions at Hudson City Bancorp. The stock currently trades at $12.19 (currently today’s decline is more than 7%) vs. the $12.12 average price target.
13. Allegheny Energy (AYE): There is one insider selling Allegheny Energy. Analysts’ average price target is $23.50 but the stock price is above $25.50.
14. Altera Corp (ALTR): Average price target is $36.22 vs. the current stock price of $39.07. There are several insiders selling and no insiders purchasing Altera shares.
15. Weyerhaeuser (WY): Average price target is $19.96 vs. the current stock price of $21.51. There was one insider selling Weyerhaeuser.
16. Diamond Offshore (DO): There aren’t any insider transactions in Diamond Offshore. The stock trades at $74.32 vs. the average target price of $68.56.
17. Prologis (PLD): Average price target is $13.78 vs. the current stock price of $14.36. There weren’t any insider transactions in Prologis.
18. Juniper Networks Inc. (JNPR): Average price target is $35.96 vs. the current stock price of $36.95. Several insiders at Juniper were selling during the past 3 months and there weren’t any insider purchases.
19. Biogen Idec Inc (BIIB): Average price target is $62.81 vs. the current stock price of $66.22. There were several insider sales at Biogen but no insider purchases.
20. Paychex Inc (PAYX): Average price target is $30.42 vs. the current stock price of $32.35. There weren’t any insider purchases at Paychex.
========================
Freaking doomsters!.
Ipads over ez!
The ANALysts are pulling a Strauss-Kahn on mom and pop retail traders.
Warning: You are about to get Cramerized.
Now shut up and bend over.
About a year ago, J. Altchuer recommended that the Fed buy the S&P 500 with newly created money. read the article @
We Need More Money, July, 2010- WSJ
They gotz to keep the PONZI going...getting desparate, bring on the clowns.
If I wrote an article saying down 100,000 by 2015 I am would be on next week..
Market the ponzi, market the ponzi, bring the sheeple back to slaughter..
James just fancies himself a CNBC personality...and he's got the schtick down very well.
What a stupid bastard.The DOW can certainly go to 20000, possibly inside 18 months, but that will be because of Uncle Ben. Here's 10 reasons the stock market is more likely to go down from here than rise (that is, before Benny fires those presses up again), in no particular order:
1. Cyclical P/Es are at extreme levels historically. Valuations imply a 3.5-4% annual rate of return in the next ten years (see John Hussman's work on this)
2. Profit margins are already at extreme levels historically - this is a mean reverting series, unlike the SPX. Also, forward P/Es are not in any way a reliable indicator
3. Corporate cash is also a sign of lack of solid business opportunties. If the outlook was great, they would not sit on all that cash. Also, a case could be made that up to 30% of that cash pile is held abroad and cannot be taken home due to tax regulations. Hence the mindless Skype-style purchases
4. European banks are clearly insolvent on a mark to market basis
5. If the housing market in the us does not recover STAT, several major US banks are insolvent too (see Gundlach interview on BAC's problems for details)
6. Even worse, several european countries are insolvent. Who will bail them out in the end? Martians?
7. Unemployment problems are structural this time around since people are underwater on their mortgages and can't move to find work. This sclerosis will take time to resolve
8. Global and US industrial production is slowing, not picking up speed.
9. Mutual fund cash levels are at all-time lows.Where's the incremental demand going to come from? The hedgies? The companies themselves? Are you fucking kidding?
10. Margin debt has skyrocketed in the last few months, spec longs are still at high levels, the mini-pullback of 4% in the last few weeks notwithstanding
Gettin' his mojo back
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4yRcFgpnpw&feature=related
http://www.nowandfutures.com/images/bear_markets_cpi_adj.png
i'm laughing at this guys babbling but by far the funniest thing is that he could end up being right! all in nominal terms, of course ;]
I read somewhere that Altucher is married to a relative of the Bernank's brother, so he's a paid up clan member.
He runs a cute little blog, where I like to go to give him shit (he banned me, but for some odd reason has unbanned me again):
http://www.jamesaltucher.com/
A few more ZH'ers posting some juicy comments there would be nice to see!!
"A few more ZH'ers posting some juicy comments there would be nice to see!!"
I just took a little stroll over to his site. Maybe one day we will find the source of our anger...I though we already did?
James Altucher 26 minutes ago Yeah, I saw. My view: there's a lot of sad, angry people in this world. I try to just pay attention to the people I love and the people who love me. The zerohedge commenters of the world maybe don't share the same world view as me. Maybe one day they will find the source of their non-stop anger.Hey James, can you use a stallion joke writer in your stable ? Here's a free joke : Answer: Mildred, Merlin, Roland, Otto, Helmut and little Rolf ! Question : If Wilfred Hahn and Sarah Palin got married....how would they name their children ? I am Monedas 2011 http://trololololololololololo.com/
Said plainly, what a fucking hack. He was a hack when he worked for Cramer over at thestreet.com.
All I can figure is that these guys live under a rock...
http://lakeweb.com/money/debt-trend-breakdown_thumb.jpg
Did Altucher say "Google already has cars driving around on the freeways without drivers." ?
Huh?
DOW at 20,000?
Sure, but debt at $20 Trillion, Gold $2,000 ounce, Silver $75 an ounce, and Dollar debauched by another 25% and no SS COLA and Medicare cuts (oh, and food riots in cities).
Party on, Babylon.
Ha Ha, I guess a few more people made it over to comment on his blog. Every comment on every post appears to have been Zeroed out.
Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, bandejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click".
The Dude: Jesus.
Jesus Quintana: You said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Lebowski
lol weather, earthquakes and commodity prices are all transitory.... I'm so glad I don't have a 401k anymore... Watching this just makes me pity the fool who believes it ;-)
He was spamming again yesterday on Fast Money. When this garbage crashes, there is a special guillotine for that clown.