DSK Has Arrived In Court For His Bail Hearing

Tyler Durden's picture

And while DSK is no longer relevant in any global financial or economic sense, his personal tragedy (from likely future president to prison inmate) will haunt the media for a while. Therefore headlines such as this will likely be commonplace for at least a week or two, until the world moves on to the next major financial scandal (and how fitting is it that the biggest conviction of a financier to date is of a foreigner for a crime totally unrelated to any financial or economic actions over the past decade). According to Reuters, DSK has just arrived in court where his lawyers are asking that he be released on $1 million cash bail and placed under 24-hour home detention with electronic monitoring, court papers showed. A bail hearing is due to be held later on Thursday. "Strauss-Kahn's lawyers have denied the charges of a criminal sexual act, attempted rape, sexual abuse, unlawful imprisonment and forcible touching. He was denied bail on Monday. He faces up to 25 years in prison if convicted." Elsewhere, screenplay writers are furious scribbling across the nation, keeping the Starbucks topline well funded, in hopes of getting the royalty rights for the next big Hollywood blockbuster to be titled, appropriately enough: "DSK."

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TruthInSunshine's picture

If y'all think the criminal proceedings are fun to watch (I don't, personally, just more bread & circus, IMO), just wait until the civil proceedings take place (after the criminal proceedings run their full course).

Hilarity will ensue. No white Ford Bronco chase scenes, though (or will there be?).

Ahmeexnal's picture

Instead of a televised OJ trying on a glove and turning to the TV camera to demonstrate it's too tight a fit, the world shall witness DSK trying on the mouth and claiming it's not his size mouth.
And instead of the White Bronco chase, you'll get a naked flatulent, fat 62yr old man chasing a maid down the hotel halls, in a scene reminiscent of Borat chasing down Azamat:


Update: Expect a double episode of "Law and Order Special Victims Unit" based on this incident.

Clueless Economist's picture

What about the poor Guinea woman??

bob_dabolina's picture

Sells her version to Stephen Spielberg, does a few interviews on the View/the O network, and comes out with her own product line named something sparkling with creativity like (Rapeè The French Connection)...next thing you know that poor Guinea woman will be appearing on the Forbes list of richest Americans.

caconhma's picture

The entire case is a suspect.

This is all would be funny unless an innocent person was set up an unjustly convicted. If it can be done to a powerful and rich man, it can be done to anybody in America.

Unfortunately, the justice as well as the US Constitution are something from a history book. It is not practiced here in America any more.

dbTX's picture

How about lifting his passport?

Captain Planet's picture

already in the hands of the courts....

Zero Govt's picture

yes and it's fuking rediculous 

how any man proclaiming his innocence can be cuffed and jailed by the NY Police before the charges are proven is beyond me!!!

it's one persons word against another (person). The man is innocent until proven guilty, free until proven guilty. Until that time the Police should have no right to cuff anyone, jail anyone, parade them around in a court circus or take their passport, only interview him for his version of events 

This is a bloody travesty of 'justice' ...welcome to the Banana Republic state of New York

Josh Randall's picture

OFF with his Head - both of them

digalert's picture

Should he get bail, NYPD could stake out the route to JFK and bust him for speeding.

Zero Govt's picture

the bail is $1m ...presumably the maid put up a deposit of $1m too for making such serious accusations, handed in her passport and resigned from her job before she too was released by the NYPD?

john39's picture

i suspect that he has to die at some point.  Too big a risk that he wants a little revenge for the set up, and will spill the beans on his banker cronies.  I sense a hanging in the near future.

Abitdodgie's picture

It's just a case of mistaken identity , what happened really was , DSK had ordered a hooker and she was running late , the way these hookers get into big hotels is by dressing like house keeping , he was also running late but had pre paid so when there was a knock on the door , well the rest you can figure out. after having great sex ( he like's it when they struggle), now very short on time he ran out forgetting his phone . The actual blame for this incident is actually the cleaning lady for not being able to say anything else in English besides " house keeping " once again pointing out how important it is to learn the fucking language .

pazmaker's picture

(and how fitting is it that the biggest conviction of a financier to date is of a foreigner for a crime totally unrelated to any financial or economic actions over the past decade).


I didn't realize he was already convicted?

el-greco's picture

He was apparently convicted several minutes after the cleaning lady filed her complaint.

hedgeless_horseman's picture

Why are we waiting so long to shoot him in the face and dump his body at sea?

Where is Jack Ruby?

FWM's picture

That's "Mr. Rubenstein" to you.

alien-IQ's picture

Apparently, in America being French is a crime. The fact that he's a banker is a bonus.

As far as law and conviction or evidence or any of that...since when did that ever get in the way of a good ole fashioned all American public lynching?

I don't know if he's guilty. I don't know if he's innocent. What I do know is that there is ZERO evidence in either direction and once upon a time in a land formerly known as America, people used to be presumed innocent until proven guilty. But alas, no mas. Spectacle is far far more important than due process in this hamburger chugging American idol watching idiocracy.

Max Hunter's picture

I agree with everything but the ZERO evidence statement. You don't know what has been collected.

alien-IQ's picture

Nobody in the public sphere does, therefore, in terms of public information, there is ZERO evidence.

NotApplicable's picture

That's a nonsensical statement. Public information is not synonymous with evidence.

All you're referring to is the court of public opinion, not to a criminal court, where evidence may or may not exist. Our ignorance of it is immaterial to the prosecution.

alien-IQ's picture

Of course I am talking about public opinion. I am neither the prosecutor nor the defense attorney therefore I cannot possibly know what evidence exists other than what has been made public and that is, up until this point, ZERO.

The point I have been trying to make, but to no avail, is that many here seem content to brand him guilty by mere virtue of the fact that he's French and a Banker. It's the American idiot perfecta. How can most resist?...But for a group of people that so frequently pontificate about the need for justice, rule of law and accountability...most here have become the very thing they so often criticize.

topcallingtroll's picture

More than likely he is guilty. However he will get his day in court. It will be no worse and no better than european trials.

pasttense's picture


This guy is one of the rich and powerful.

1. The hotel wouldn't have called the police if they didn't have a high degree of belief he was guilty (it took them an hour to do so). Why? They aren't going to risk the loss of tens of thousands of dollars worth of business for anything less.

2. The police wouldn't have arrested him if they weren't certain he was guilty (the police don't antagonize the rich and powerful).

3. The prosecuting attorney wouldn't have filed charges and very certainly wouldn't have opposed bail for the same reason.

The OP doesn't seem to realize the rich and powerful are treated differently from the rest of us.

Ahmeexnal's picture


Hard1's picture

Another question, how do you say fuck you in French? vas te faire encule?

MachoMan's picture

If there isn't any evidence, as quickly as everything unfolded, then I think you've got a clear cut case of herculean negligence or phony story...  the latter being vastly more likely.

flattrader's picture

>>>What I do know is that there is ZERO evidence in either direction<<<

What bullshit...

The key card log alone is going to be a problem for him.  He initially lied and said he was never alone with her in the room.

He's not only rapist, he's an idiot.

topcallingtroll's picture

Zero evidence?

Apparently his defense will be consent.

Since he admitted to the act then the testimony of the two parties is critical to determining consent.

At least we dont protect convicted pedophiles and have an age of consent of 13 as in france.

alien-IQ's picture

"At least we dont protect convicted pedophiles and have an age of consent of 13 as in france."

No, in America you send your kids to church to learn about god and country...because surely there is nobody in church that wants to bone jr.

SoNH80's picture

Don't be sore because your grandmother had to suck Wehrmacht cock for cigarettes from 1940-44.  THAT wasn't America's fault, you cheap Socialist buffoon.

buzzsaw99's picture

If they let him out on a measly $1M bail that will be the last they ever see of him.

ThisIsBob's picture

Of course.  Write a check for a mill and its over?  Where do I sign?

Surely a man of his resources can get to French territory from midtown without too much trouble.

buzzsaw99's picture

He would be greeted as a hero in France. If I was a woman living in France I would carry a razor in my shoe because the law doesn't care.

Franken_Stein's picture


Strauss-Kahn is the first of the elite to have his satellite trackable RFID chip implanted after he has paid the bail.


It's the latest hot thing in town, you know.


It's a lifestyle now to wear this thing, so embrace it !

You get assigned a unique ID number and who wouldn't love that ?!

After all it's all for your safety, you know.


Imagine this.

You could be involved in a car accident, lying unconsciously in the wreckage, but your chip will automatically transfer your vital signs over the internet and call an ambulance.

So this could be a life saver !


Trust me, I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.

Bwaahahahahahaha !


TruthInSunshine's picture

Much like the syphilis coursing through DSK's urinary tract (is some allegations turn out to be true?)?

buzzsaw99's picture

the list of burning STDs that guy has must be quite lengthy.

Herman Strandschnecke's picture

The Title should be 'Tsk, tsk, DSK'

the frog who won't croke

Abitdodgie's picture

Can you imagine been a TSA agent and having to touch his junk , extra gloves and alcohol swabs to room 2

Things that go bump's picture

I doubt if people of DSK's former stature are subjected to the TSA circus.  They wait in separate VIP waitings rooms so that they never have to mix with the great unwashed and I imagine they go through some sort of cursory security screening that does not involve standing in line, or having their junk touched or their pristine insides x-rayed.  

Miss Expectations's picture

If the support payments should stop due to DSK being indisposed, I suspect at least a few illegitimate children will be popping up. 

topcallingtroll's picture

It is easy to become disconnected to reality like DSK was when people have so much power in other areas of their lives.

At the hospitals where i work people laugh at my jokes even if they are not funny, they never level with me or give me constructive criticism. I can get away with whatever i want including fondling certain staff because of the huge power differential which is an aphrodisiac for some women.

As the irreplaceable rainmaker in high demand i have to be very careful not to cross too many lines. You can easily feel you have vomplete immunity and take it too far. If this happens.for your everyday rainmaker who is titular head of organization I can only imagine the transgressions that people make at DSK's level.

Be careful not to develop a god complex! Someone will eventually take you down if you push it too far.

pazmaker's picture

Did you just admit to fondling certain staff members??  Assuming you may say no, my next question is then how do you know you can get away with it?

topcallingtroll's picture

It is hard to know if they genuinely like me or know that if they complain and i have to resign they all lose their jobs, since there is no prospect of a replacement.

This was to point out how power differentials can change behavior. Anonymity breeds honesty!

SoNH80's picture

That's right, so you are both a docktor dude AND a widget factory owner.  Your dirt bike's getting wet, better put it into the garage.

Things that go bump's picture

I know a neurosurgeon who routinely humiliates somebody in his surgical suite.  He picks on a victum and subjects them to a vicious verbal attack. His does this often and even other physicians are not immune when he is in the throes of surgery.  Woe to the surgical tech who draws his attention. That person will be treated to a detailed evaluation of their intelligence, education, personal habits, and parentage in front of everybody in the room.  No one ever officially says a word.  He is brilliant, of course.  Outside of surgery, he is a lovely man and his patients adore him.  It is the stress, I suppose.


But my dear Dr. topcallingtroll, your excesses are of an entirely different nature and you are on a slippery slope. I know you think you are smart enough to know where to draw the line, but the thrill of your indulgences will pale and you will have to dare more to get the thrill. Sooner or later you will misjudge and go too far, and then there will be humiliation galore, mortified parents and children, furious spouse, professional censure, great personal loss. As children we had a bus driver who would allow the little girls to stand next to him and operate the door mechanism.  It was great fun and we felt so important. After a while he started rubbing the girls' legs under their dresses.  It was odd but not unpleasant.  Then one day he was just gone.  I found out many years later that he had finally put his hand in a little girl's panties and hurt her and that was the end of him.  You should probably speak to someone professionally about the little liberties you are allowing youself.  

SoNH80's picture

He's not actually a doctor.  He once accused me of being an unemployed bum, and that he himself was a factory owner.  Which is it?  He makes a lot of sense in most of his ZH posts, but I wouldn't take him too literally.