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Europe: Stereotypically Uncut

Tyler Durden's picture


Everyone knows what Europe looks like on an actual political map: there are two or three countries in the center that are stable, and about 10 in the periphery that will be bankrupt very soon. The generic map is so boring we won't even show it. Luckily, courtesy of visual artist Yanko Tsvetkov, we have some European maps that are sure to enliven any cocktail hour. Note for the sensitive: these are not what one would call politically correct.

And yes, the level of homogeneity that makes up the "Union" is truly staggering.

General European stereotypes:


Europe according to America


Europe according to France


Europe according to Germany


Europe according to Italy

Italy According to Posh Italians

Europe according to Britan

Europe According to Bulgaria

Europe According to Gay Men


Via Mapping Stereotypes

h/t Konrad


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Fri, 10/01/2010 - 19:27 | 619742 QEsucks
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 Belligerently Brilliant.

 + 1000

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 20:02 | 619853 Terra-Firma
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Fri, 10/01/2010 - 19:28 | 619745 Dr. Engali
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Now that is funny.

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 19:31 | 619750 nmewn
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Quick, what's the capital of Thanksgiving...LOL.

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 19:42 | 619794 Hephasteus
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They keep changing names.

Thier biggest city is even hard to figure out.

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 19:49 | 619817 nmewn
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Hell I thought it was Ankara...goes to show American ignorance I guess ;-)

What's up with the Chekoslovakia (spelling?)...just about every map has porn happening there...SEC been outsourced there or what?...LOL.

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 21:20 | 620013 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam.

I'm sorry to have missed that.

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 21:30 | 620042 nmewn
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Another time...another place...but like alot of things (absinthe, hash, pick your poison) it can make you blind in more ways than one ;-)

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 21:36 | 620061 Hephasteus
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Ankara, Angora oh wait I think that's a sweater. I don't even bother to keep up.

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 22:16 | 620130 nmewn
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"I don't even bother to keep up."

Same here.

Seen an inference (by omission?) on was all very well done ;-)

I'll leave it there...chuckling to myself.

SeeYa Hep

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 19:32 | 619754 Fred Hayek
Fred Hayek's picture

I was told this one years ago:

In heaven,

the english greet you

the french do the cooking

the italians provide the entertainment

and the germans organize things


In hell,

the french greet you

the english do the cooking

the germans provide the entertainment

and the italians organize things

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 20:36 | 619917 percolator
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Fri, 10/01/2010 - 20:48 | 619935 dogbreath
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Hell is:

where the mechanics are french

the cooks are english

and all the policemen are german

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 21:18 | 620010 Fred Hayek
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These seem true but I like the way that my version points out how simple are the changes making sulfur of ambrosia.

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 12:11 | 620876 The Rock
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Sat, 10/02/2010 - 16:13 | 621191 ZeroPower
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Fri, 10/01/2010 - 19:32 | 619756 Matto
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Ha! just finished a 3 month tour of it all.

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 19:53 | 619831 Miss Expectations
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So funny!  Many years ago I was in a hospital in Bologna.  They asked me where I'd been traveling.  They asked if I'd been to Africa.  I told them no, I just came up from Brindisi.  They said, "Same thing."'s a funny video John Pinette "France & Italy"

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 20:43 | 619926 percolator
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Thanks for the link, very funny.

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 20:45 | 619929 percolator
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Those maps are funny and if you've got European friends they'll tell there's truth in all of them.

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 20:55 | 619933 themosmitsos
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I SWEAR to God I almost DIED laughing ... and as  Greek, I thought we'd get picked on a LOT more ... hairy noisy people was NOT even HALF bad!

Let me CONGRATULATE whoever made this,not only for HYSTERICAL AWESOMENESS, but for the multitude of funny historical trivia "old border" re:Germany,"white russians" & "virgin killers" re:France, Urheimat/Kapalikarsi Re:Bulgaria,etc. Certain things being constant was great,like Vikings, & weed, etc.

The funniest parts for me, that destroyed me, were, in order of funniness to me: A) "EiffelReich," "Upper Romania" ==> LOL

B) "Military Porn" re Hungary [all the porn references were great,about Hungary/Czech] ===> LMAO

C) "Resident Evil" JUST DIED LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU, Saving all these and passing them along!

ps: "Evil Federated Empire of Europe" OUSTANDING!



Fri, 10/01/2010 - 21:05 | 619973 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Can't wait for the sequel.

Toothless crackers...bubbleheaded Kalifornicuns...snob noreasters...welfare queens, should be a hoot...ROTFL.

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 21:22 | 620019 Lothar the Rott...
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I'm a wordnerd (where is our resident wordsmith hiding?) and this was simply brilliant.  One of the finest satirical pieces this old dawg has ever laid eyes one.

Well played, sir, very well played.

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 07:40 | 620374 Mercury
Mercury's picture


This tradition is long and grand but I did get a kick out of this one in particular about 10 yrs. ago...and I don't even spend that much time in NYC:


Fri, 10/01/2010 - 21:38 | 620063 London Dude Trader
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Fri, 10/01/2010 - 22:35 | 620165 Hulk
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+1320! Gulf of ABBA and Strait Homos, LOL

Do the states!

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 22:53 | 620203 MarkTwainsMustache
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Headline of the year...great stuff

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 23:32 | 620262 Occams Parsimony
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Seriously funny stuff. Kudos to Fred Hayek, that gave me an immediate laugh.

Fri, 10/01/2010 - 23:48 | 620288 Paladin en passant
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Funny as hell.  Thanks.

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 00:11 | 620331 alagon
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LOL @ Resident Evil!

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 00:12 | 620332 gwar5
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That was hilarious. gracias

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 00:30 | 620361 cbaba
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soo funny, congratulations to who ever made this, its Hilarius:))


Sat, 10/02/2010 - 00:59 | 620400 barkingbill
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this is a load of shit. you could make much better farcical maps about america land of fkin idiots. 

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 02:41 | 620489 jippie
jippie's picture

glad everyone is liking this,

I couldn't stop laughing when I first looked at it (it was one of the daily recommendations on

took ZH a while to put this out, given that I sent it to them a couple of days ago.



Sat, 10/02/2010 - 05:10 | 620536 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

These maps are just great :)


I've saved them all :)

And it sure does look like EVERYBODY LOVES BELGIUM!!!


Sat, 10/02/2010 - 06:29 | 620577 scratch_and_sniff
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I think they just omitted Belgium due to matters of taste...i mean, who wants to bring up peadophilia in a light hearted expression of racial horseplay?

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 06:38 | 620593 Djirk
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Sat, 10/02/2010 - 08:11 | 620650 THE DORK OF CORK
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Hilarious - the Italian map should perhaps be made official with the minor correction that Corsica is perhaps more closely associated with the Genoese then their French connection.

Although Pictish neolithic people with a Italian culture speaking French is a bit messy and is perhaps difficult to express in political geography.

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 08:15 | 620651 THE DORK OF CORK
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Deleted - in the interests of European harmony and well being.

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 08:13 | 620653 sanmartinian
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Excellent ! Do it more!

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 08:13 | 620654 sanmartinian
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Excellent ! Do it more!

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 08:17 | 620655 Roi
Sat, 10/02/2010 - 12:29 | 620908 Grand Supercycle
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Updated GOLD monthly chart:

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 12:45 | 620938 DonS
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LMAO just too funny! Thanks for posting.


Sat, 10/02/2010 - 13:10 | 620965 williambanzai7
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Sat, 10/02/2010 - 16:49 | 621229 Young
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I'm easily amused :P giggiddi

Sat, 10/02/2010 - 23:06 | 621678 laosuwan
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Actually, europe has much much bigger problems

Sun, 10/03/2010 - 07:22 | 621942 Dismal Scientist
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Sure, but why be a killjoy on this thread ?

Sun, 10/03/2010 - 05:30 | 621914 ExploitTheMarket
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hysterical! almost choked on my tea when I looked at the France map.

Sun, 10/03/2010 - 10:03 | 622068 trx
trx's picture

This is satire of the highest level !

In fact, it captures the essence of the European problem - also known as "Tragedy of the commons."


Thanks for sharing :-)

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