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The Everyman's Guide To The Credit Crisis

Tyler Durden's picture




The Everyman's Guide To The Credit Crisis by Michael de Portu of the Prism Group LLC.

A must read

 

GuideToTheCreditCrisis -

hat tip Ed




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Wed, 08/12/2009 - 22:25 | Link to Comment waterdog
waterdog's picture

ANGER NEVER SLEEPS

It is a rainy 53 degree day. Not the kind of day you want to be out on the street. Today, prisoner 348217 is no longer a prisoner, on the inside. Ten years is a long time for taking on a little risk with someone else’s money.

A cab pulls up to the curb outside the prison. A pretty blond-headed woman sitting in the back seat and wearing only a mink coat calls to him by name. Need a ride? She smiles. He moves into the taxi, thinking, he must know this woman.

No sooner had the taxi moved she jumps into his lap. She pushes his head back against the rest. She places the end of her tongue at the bottom of his neck while moving her left hand under his chin. Slowly she pulls her tongue up his neck. His conscience is absorbing every centimeter while his sub-conscience is trying to remember her.

She pulls up to his ear and in a soft whisper says I have been waiting years for this moment. She leans back, and while he is still looking up at the ceiling of the cab with his eyes closed, she plunges a 10-1/2 inch Bowie knife into his left chest. As his conscience mind watches his life rewind in fast forward, she flips back onto her can-can, taps the driver on the shoulder, says- I’ll get out here-, and hands him a 3/8 inch thick envelope.

As she is leaving the cab, his sub-conscious catches her silhouette in the light of the open door. Now it remembers her- he had her when she was a red-head.

Just a take-off on a very boring story line I read in a post somewhere this morning; just trying to keep it real.

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 00:04 | Link to Comment My cognitive di...
My cognitive dissonance's picture

Is she the reason he was in prison?

That sucked me right in.

Is there more?

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 07:33 | Link to Comment BoeingSpaceliner797
BoeingSpaceliner797's picture

anon#35052,

Rove makes some good points about HR3200, the push to get it passed and other "campaign" tactics being used by the administration and Congress.  However, I do believe it is disingenuous of him when he writes, "Mr. Obama's exaggerations, misdirection and efforts to divide Americans are becoming more obvious."  It is disingenuous because it is painting "dividing Americans" as a party problem.  Were it not disingenuous it might read something like, "The Democrats and the Republicans exaggerations, misdirection and efforts to divide Americans are becoming more obvious to some Americans."  Just my four cents (inflation).

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:04 | Link to Comment mule65
mule65's picture

I'll take this version too.

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:12 | Link to Comment Jim_Rockford
Jim_Rockford's picture

Supertramp: ROFL!!  I want the T-Shirt!

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:18 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 00:24 | Link to Comment BoeingSpaceliner797
BoeingSpaceliner797's picture

Thank you.  I laughed so hard it woke my wife up.  She's not too happy with me right now.  Oh well, "I fucked up."  LMAO.

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 00:36 | Link to Comment Ghettomedic
Ghettomedic's picture

Excellent stuff. Did you make this?

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 12:07 | Link to Comment Alexander Supertramp
Alexander Supertramp's picture

No, only wish I was that smart and/or funny.  Part of its brilliance is that fact that no one claimed authorship.  Hmmm, makes me wonder if maybe its the work of Cornelius?

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 00:48 | Link to Comment msorense
msorense's picture

Another good one is http://www.crisisofcredit.com/

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 05:28 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/12/2009 - 22:40 | Link to Comment Phil Gramm
Phil Gramm's picture

There is no such thing as a true financial crisis. People, whistle blowers and naysayers make it a crisis. These kinds of people are even worse than communist/socialist Democrats!

Why make waves when it makes the ride in the boat less pleasurable for everyone, including yourself?

I've made it a corporate-wide effort at UBS to eliminate whistle blowers. It's now what I do on a daily basis since my tax evasion clientele has evaporated because of the f-in IRS. At least I have a purpose again...

-- Phil

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 22:43 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:13 | Link to Comment Phil Gramm
Phil Gramm's picture

If this website were not so addicting to read, I would have UBS firewall it here on our corporate network. Blasphemy like ZH can be even more fun to read than the tabloids.

-- Phil

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 22:49 | Link to Comment deadhead
deadhead's picture

phil, you are good....tell us, did your good friend JM share any of that alaskan pelt?

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:30 | Link to Comment Phil Gramm
Phil Gramm's picture

Wendy would not let me within 20 feet of that woman. From 20 feet, she looks heavenly. Get any closer, you may lose a limb...

By the way, I heard that she shaves her pelt, if you find that interesting.

-- Phil

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 00:45 | Link to Comment russell
russell's picture

Niiiiiiiiisssssssssssse.

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 06:18 | Link to Comment Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

It's the "Telly Savalas" cut.  Took a 48 inch twin blade Toro to do though, and reputedly one Mexican immigrant lost his life to the savage wounds she inflicted during the process. A replacement mower was quickly summoned, and the job completed in under an hour. Still. . . .

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 07:30 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 05:29 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 05:11 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/12/2009 - 22:56 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 13:20 | Link to Comment merv
merv's picture

ccording to JP Morgan, if we don't let the banks deal in these carbon credits, the planet is going to warm more than normal. Sounds like a reasonable conclusion. What a joke.

my newest bookmarked finance website: finance news & finance opinions

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 22:58 | Link to Comment Ev
Ev's picture

"Must read" 177 pages???

Fark me!  It's hard enough keeping up with ZH posts as it is.

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:54 | Link to Comment ether
ether's picture

That's the first thing I thought... LMAO.

 

This space-monkey shit is alot of work.

 

I thought we were just going to make soap :(

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:03 | Link to Comment Benign
Benign's picture

the proposed solution represents an overthrow of some of the heavies in the financial oligarchy, so must be taken with a grain of salt.  of course, the regulators have had the ability to do what is proposed all along...i.e., forcing a realistic mark (until they lost it to the always-accommodating accountants).  the authors are still looking to the government to solve the problem... kind of naive at this point, maybe . the gov still seems to be thinking the insolvent ones can "grow" their way out of their holes, if we can only get inflation going again.  and of course the quickest way to get an inflation going is to have a hot war.... 

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:33 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:37 | Link to Comment Milton
Milton's picture

I stopped reading after the "blame Lehman" bullshit.

Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:40 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:45 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:48 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Wed, 08/12/2009 - 23:56 | Link to Comment My cognitive di...
My cognitive dissonance's picture

It's so, © March 2009.

Enough Prologues.

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 06:56 | Link to Comment BoeingSpaceliner797
BoeingSpaceliner797's picture

You know what I learned from this treatise?  When we design financial instruments which are so complex that their description makes a reader's (of above average intelligence) head hurt, the instruments are predicated on perpetual growth/appreciation, and then sell them to everybody and their grandmother without anybody watching or caring, we get what we deserve.  Well, at least it confirms part of what I already believe.

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 00:18 | Link to Comment Hansel
Hansel's picture

I skimmed through all of it.  The last ~50 pages is the appendix.  It's a pretty thorough review but I didn't find anything hard hitting.

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 00:41 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 06:43 | Link to Comment BoeingSpaceliner797
BoeingSpaceliner797's picture

anon 34998,
Not sure I understand the point of your post.  The title of Tyler's posting of this paper is, after all, "The Everyman's Guide To The Credit Crisis."  By title/definition wouldn't you then expect that, "this 'paper' is so sophomoric, so uninformed politically . . ."

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 00:44 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 05:05 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 02:09 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 02:11 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 03:38 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 03:26 | Link to Comment Marley
Marley's picture

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 05:29 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 15:24 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 06:39 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 06:46 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 07:03 | Link to Comment Cheeky Bastard
Cheeky Bastard's picture

it would look like this ...   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF7EhwcwEj8

Thu, 08/13/2009 - 07:06 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 07:36 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 07:13 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 09:00 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Thu, 08/13/2009 - 13:19 | Link to Comment merv
merv's picture

Rove makes some good points about HR3200, the push to get it passed and other "campaign" tactics being used by the administration and Congress.

hat tip: finance news & finance opinions

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