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Forget Hugh Hendry... Ashton Kutcher Recommends You Panic, And Prepare For The Apocalpyse
It seems that it was just yesterday that everyone's favorite outspoken Eclectica manager, Hugh Hendry, was advising that the best course of action is panicking. It appears his message was not lost on one Ashton Kutcher. Per the HuffPo: "Ashton Kutcher is in hard training for the apocalypse, but this no big screen role: he's afraid that armageddon is coming.....Kutcher is stocking up on guns and spending hours and hours running
the canyons near his home, pushed on by visions of being chased by wild
boar. He's also taking daily bikram yoga sessions, and learning Krav
Maga, a deadly Israeli combat technique taught to high-powered special
ops. All of my physical fitness regimen is completely tailored around the
end of day. I stay fit for no other reason than to save the people I
care about." And so survivalism has just gone mainstream...and copycat cool. Good luck trying to find stockpiles of MRE rations, freeze dried beans, and ammo going forward.
More from the Huffington Post:
Speaking to Men's Fitness,
Kutcher predicts that the "end of days" is on its way, and he wants to
be prepared for the inevitable madness. He told the magazine (quotes via JustJared):
"It won't take very much, I'm telling you. It will not take
much for people to hit the panic button. The amount of convenience that
people rely on based on electricity alone. You start taking out
electricity and satellites, and people are going to lose their noodle.
People don't have maps anymore. People use their iPhones or GPS systems,
so if there's no electricity, nobody has maps."
And then what? The way Kutcher sees it, all chaos breaks.
"And people are going to go, 'That land's not yours, prove
that it's yours,' and the only thing you have to prove it's yours is on
an electric file. Then it's like, 'What's the value of currency, and
whose food is whose?' People's alarm systems at their homes will no
longer work. Neither will our heating, our garbage disposals, hot-water
heaters that run on gas but depend on electricity - what happens when
all our modern conveniences fail? I'm going to be ready to take myself
and my family to a safe place where they don't have to worry."
So what's a soothsaying star supposed to do when he sees the end of
the world? Kutcher is stocking up on guns and spending hours and hours
running the canyons near his home, pushed on by visions of being chased
by wild boar. He's also taking daily bikram yoga sessions, and learning
Krav Maga, a deadly Israeli combat technique taught to high-powered
special ops.
"All of my physical fitness regimen is completely tailored around the
end of day. I stay fit for no other reason than to save the people I
care about."
We are not sure how Demi feels about being chased by millions of milfthursty zombies who will have lost all rational thought once their infinitely dilutable pieces of paper are taken away.
h/t Louis
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i assume his manager will soon apologize for this 'ridiculous' statement and announce Ashton has been admitted to a drug/alcohol clinic.
That, or his career will follow Mark Hamill's.
who?
"Feel the force, Luke."
"Luke, I am your father!."
If you will not be turned, then you will be destroyed.
i just lost my hand, bitchez. fuckin' dad.
Like father, like son.
Corvette summer can't last forever
Candy apple red and flamed.
LOL...He used to have one of those "it looks real" (bad ass native American siting in a rocking chair) figures in his dinning room, off the left, of the all the way down the right side hallway layouts.
It has worried me that *all* that make your observation will some how give life to this object de' art al la chuckie, only to have it hunt you down and remove the portion of your brain that houses the critic...Baww ha ha ha ha.
Skippy...BTW Don Johnson actually had few good movies, one called "A boy and his dog" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Boy_and_His_Dog. I find it a better apocalyptic antidote than "THE ROAD", you at least get laid, then offered *multiple nuptials*, only to awake to "I thee wed" and the resulting mechanical Kapuck Kapuck POP Diing...rinse repeat...ROFLOL..
"That, or his career will follow Mark Hamill's."
Or his wifes.
I struggled with Marylou. Movie Producer. Movies - nothing you've heard of.
I think we've just been punk'd.
+1
Rehab
drug/alcohol Rehab clinic
lol +1 it will be cool if he shaves his head and has a run-in with police first a la britney spears.
That 70s show is one of the best shows ever made. The 1 or 2 hours of TV I watch per week usually involve at least 15 minutes of it.
Ashton realizes the American Public just got "punk'd" and he's planning accordingly.
Well hey good for Ashton Kutcher, actually I always thought he was pretty funny. Kinda dopey yea but whatever....at least 1 person in Hollywood isnt a dumb glitter chaser only worried about where to party tonite...prep-on Ashton!
He also got ultimate cougar Demi Moore in her prime, JEALOUS!!
Agreed, all.
Maybe we'll hear what Demi thinks of all this. And just what does one do to convince one's spouse that preparedness is worth it?
you show that bitch the skeleton at the bottom of the old well in the basement, that's what.
+1
She's ok, but nothing compared to Sofia Vergara.
Col Walter E Kurtz:
The horror, The horror
I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that... but you have no right to judge me. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror... Horror has a face... and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies!
I always thought Ashton would have made a way better Col. Kurtz :D
The horror...the horror....dude BTW wheres my car?
(suspiciously sounding like one of the Sheens with a raspy whisper)
... you could hear it... in the middle of the night... the sound of the squirrels rattling peanuts in the empty, rusty Schlitz cans... and you knew... they were coming through the wire...
...the brass didn't know what to do, so they pleaded confusion and struck out by napalming every Jack-in-the-Box in Saigon attempting to gob shock the gooks into retreating to the dog meat and rat BBQ kim-chee joint, Korea Krispy's, back up the coast where the surf wasn't as gnarly...
... but it didn't work.. so that's why we were headed back up river down the coast to find the best damned dope we could.... only to discover the original uncut never shown Jerry Springer narrates reruns of Jersey Shore....
...until we finally understood why we'd been sacrificed... to find if there really was sanity in the pricing of the Aston Kutcher signature edition Fleet Enema Family Pack....
BREAKING NEWS: Kathy Griffin to Launch New Line of "Bug-Out" Bags
'Bug-Out Bags'? Aren't those the things Kathy Griffin's doctor gave her to stuff in her panties?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
HA!!!!
KG's one nasty azz skank, don't think the bugs would even be that desparate.
Whenever you see a guy crossing his arms to show off his biceps you know he's a wanna-be.
He'd probably wail you with your own shoe.
I bet he would if he was an Arab.
There is another possibility you should consider.
That one might cross one's arms to show off his biceps if he were doing the cover of a magazine that panders to wanna-be muscle heads. The corporate owners of the mag might have learned long ago that they get better sales if their cover shots generally include shots of men doing this douchey wanna-be move, and they might insist on it. To appeal to the insecure buyers and subscribers.
He's just going for column inches. Wants to play a 'tough guy' role, to get past the simpleton TV of Punk'd. Sorry Ashton, you are destined for TV movies, son.
bruce willis, casts a big shadow on his house
Hilarious, junked 3 times for stating the bleeding obvious. Must be a few female fans of Ashton's visiting ZH today. Or some gay fans. Or both.
Yes, but is he buying any gold?
As contrary indicators go, this is the big one. Buy! Buy! Buy!
Has anyone told him just how many underground US military and Reptoid bases there are in Idaho?
What I need is in the grim dark future a band of scavengers to run across a powerful warrior in the wasteland.
Goon 1: "Holy shit! That's Ashton Kutcher!"
Goon 2: "No way, I loved Dude Where's My Car! Think we should try to take him on?"
Goon 1: "Nah, don't let his idiot roles fool you, he's a badass. Read it in Men's Fitness before the Great Fall"
ROFLMAO!
Fucking Awesome
Tears running down my cheeks...
Ribs hurt...
Goon 2: "So he's that tough?"
Goon 1: "Dunno. What side's his earring on?"
Shamefully funny.
....and I thought Tony Robbins was the total contrarian "tell"
Yes, but is he buying any gold?
As contrary indicators go, this is the big one. Buy! Buy! Buy!
Why does this story remind me of the song 'Bitchin' Camaro'?
Hey Jack, what's happenin'?
I dunno man, I was thinkin' about going down to the shore.
Next: An explanation of Austrian economics from the hosts of "The View". Yikes!
Too funny! +++
Well I never! It's just like trying to fit those shoes online before ordering them. It's just so... so.... absolutely frustrating, like why can't somebody figure this out? They'd make a lotta money!
Yeah, what happened to Tony Robbins and his dire warnings?
Oh wait, he's nowhere to be found. He's been superceded by this guy, who is still spamming ZH with his "Economic Crash" predictions.
Remember this one right before a huge run in the S & P 500?
You complaining about someone spamming ZH with screwball predictions? lulz. We have definitely crossed into the ashton kutcher/robotranny twilight zone.
Now that is funny.
My son thinks Ashton Kutcher is cute.
@ Robot traders Mom
is that a current photo? are you available? someone i know wants to ask you out, but is a little shy. hint - likes solar.
hint - likes solar
that was too funny dewd
Solar, heh.. Pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, walks on greek beaches just before doing the "greek" bring butter..
So if it doesnt happen the next minute, does that mean it is not going to happen.
Tony even discusses the fact that he does not know the timing but Paul Tudor Jones is where he is getting his info.
I don't know if PTJ is his source. My money is on Harry Dent being Tony's source. Harry is big on the demographics angle...
If I recall within that video Tony mentioned the person he assisted made the largest amount of money in a single trading day ever in the 80s...not certain if Harry Dent would qualify as that individual.
It was PTJ. I remember he stated it.
RainBowTrader complaining about someone else spamming? Wildly hillarious!
Hey, PTJ knows how to invest for apycalypse:
FTR - I have NO idea why my post appears so many times... I was getting some weird hang-ups with the stupid math question. Sorry.
Boy Toy to Mad Max?
Musta dropped the soy regimen.
GTFO for a 1000 Alex.
But you can't make babies with older women!!!!
You can try a lot though!
Decisions decisions... Genital warts or hemorrhoids?
Simply his latest "PUNK'ED"!!!!!!!!!!
Off the thread question for bullion cognoscenti; Are 30 kg silver LGD bars usually accompanied by assay certificates? Banks are telling me never. A dealer is telling me sometimes but not to worry with the LGD stamp. Clarification greatly appreciated. Bottom line; would you buy without?
BB
When you go to sell it it will be assayed anyway. But I wouldn't buy a bar that big, stick with 100 oz as they are easier to sell, and move. Or just buy gold.
I would agree with the tough guy, especially about buying gold.
I do understand that everyone's circumstances are different, so what you think is right.
You are much better off getting a bunch of small denomination rounds or bars. The big stuff is too tempting to fake. I used to get the larger bars myself, but after seeing some fakes (online), I switched to all 1 oz and smaller denominations. The largest I have now is a few 10 oz silver bars. It's a pain in the ass if you have a lot. Just keep them in sturdy canvas bags so you can move them easily.
lets say you happen to have a LGD bar of 30kg. You can send it to the NorthWest Territorial Mint. It will cost a little and you will have a larger number of smaller bars.
Quick question: Do you think his Nikon COOLPIX would still work in the post-apacolypse world?
"so if there's no electricity, nobody has maps."
Am I the only one who thought that was funny? I felt like I may have been missing something from my life. It just occured to me that it was a map. In his defense, at the very least he realizes something is not right.
He should practice pushing Demi in a wheel chair while running from that wild boar.
In the time of the apocalypse there will be no wheelchairs. Demi will be carried in a "travois."
Well than we just established a need during the apocalypse. Lets meet the need. We can start a survivalists wheelchair business. I will start the paperwork.
Sounds good. I'll work on reinventing the wheel.
I'll reinvent the light bulb so it can appear in a thought bubble over your head.
Thank you, It's dark in here. Would you mind working on a heater, too? There's a draft blowing through.
Let me try rubbing these two sticks together and we'll see what happens.
See, here it is! Somebody asked for an explination of Austrian Economics.
Youhooooo! Here it is, honey!
Brilliant!
One way of keeping fit
http://aston.kutcher.mediafetcher.com/news/top_stories/worldrecord.php
Some air head Hollywood beefy-boy half wakes up to a minutia of the impending threat. Big News… Gourmet freeze dried entrees, instant champagne tabs, and a fantasy survival retreat for him and Demi. But preparedness is warranted. Especially getting and keeping yourself in good physical condition so he’s somewhat grounded.
http://tektonbunkers.com/
Pretty funny, I just sold Harry Wanger over 1 million of my patented 'dehydrated water' packets to sell in his retail business.
Oh man, you should have held on to them. Gonna be hard to come by when the happening begins. Can't live on Merlot you know.
Oh shit, you can't? Damn.
dehydrated water packets! lol why not. pet rocks did ok
hey , wanna buy an air bag? Its still full.
http://www.buydehydratedwater.com/
This is a step down from the canned dehydrated water of yesteryear. Nevertheless it is a great gift idea.
Asked if he knew what "The Bernank" was, Kutcher replied, "Isn't that where you deposit my multi million dollar checks?"
Flagged as funny.
He knows he needs guns because all hollywood types of his sort should be terminated with extreme predijuce.
He just realized his illegal gardener and maid are now competition for food and water.
People won't argue over property, they'll invade like locusts if it comes to that
Maybe he'll pop up at the next Tea Party protest with a sidearm
So this guy is worried about the end of days, but lives west of the San Andreas fault? OK then.
In a bankrupt state, governed by completely irresponsible self-absorbed products of the me generation, a mere 14' above sea-level, represented by an elected cadre of pure lunatics and only 50 miles from the brand new Chinese ballistic missile testing range.
Pass the colon cleanser, please.
Cuso, you dumb ass
Is Ashton Kutcher out of the closet for Glenn Beck? Say it ain't so! (snort)
He's just now hearing about Obama's 'Council of Governors' executive order?
But, but.... what about Hope.... and Change? And those PSAs for Obama?
The Schwetty-Balls Omen
But, but.... what about Hope.... and Change?
It's right here - a must watch classic, btw.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQ-hPNrKdZI
Wow, 3 million hits.
The Bottom: when you see a pit bull chained up on the front lawn of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Finally! I have been posting that link for ages - no response. Personally, I think it's a great music video. Forget the "color" aspect, it's just well done.
Holy SHIT! LOL!!
Chicken Little from Iowa, this guy is a genius on the level with Cramer. I"m going back to bed now that I know I've got at least a few more years left before the duck hits the fan. Sleeping soundly, zzzzz.
BTW, I heard Jackie is currently having an underground bunker constructed.
Red is supervising the project.
Fez & Donna are busy planning the interior decorating... SHAG CARPET, BITCHEZ!!!
that reminds me, i have to reschedule my mad max yoga classes.
Maybe he should get Demi to fatten up a bit, in case the food runs out.
If only his strength could save us from his terrible movies.
Well,blarney!!,the dude is good for more than Nikon Coms, and MILF banging.
Good for him.(wonder if we see the Paranoid tabloids beat the shit out of one of their own?).
It's the new bubble!!!
Buying up "end of days" supplies...it just MAY get us another year!
My question for people who plan to wait out the 'apocalypse' in some back woods fortification with their 6 month supply of guns, ammo, gold and food stores is: What do you do on month 7 when things are still hectic? Or when one of your group is ill?
It doesn't matter how much ammo you have, because eventually someone with more will find out you're sitting pretty on a nice pile of goods and will show up to remove you from it, waiting you out if they have to. Suddenly you will find yourself very, very alone.
Part of storing up capital for when the SHTF is the building of social capital. Social networks (not Facebook). A community network of people whom you know and whom can trade off each other's skills is going to be stronger in the long run, better able to defend itself, and better able to support any kind of economy. There's no sense in running out to the woods to build some new community when you can build strong networks right where you are.
Personally, I don't think the S will HTF in some large scale zombie apocalypse. What's more likely is a long period of decline, with regional hotspots. Over the long haul I believe national and state governments will become increasingly ineffective and unable to get things done, you can already see that. At the local level is where the action will be. There will be opportunities.
If you believe oil and other energy shocks will be a factor, I'd plan for that. Take a look at where you live and examine whether it can survive massive inflation in energy prices. Can you grow food there? Are you totally dependent on driving to do anything? What if you could no longer afford to drive a car or truck and there is no transit?
There's nothing wrong with being prepared for an emergency, having the means to protect yourself and having a store of wealth, but for the long term, I think it is very important to position yourself in a community, and that doesn't necessarily mean moving to a small town.
The Doctor is in!
+1 Porkchop.
very nice
People have been living sustainable lives for generations in small towns on their own land
I promise you they won't feel a thing. They have networks for support and already barter out of habit
They used to run their cars on their own distilled alcohol fuel, this time they'll run generators too
Ashton just realized he that he lives in a bubble, and maybe Chavez and Venezuela aren't so great after all.
I'm much more interested in "Her Secrets for Better Sex".
Punked!
On a more important note, anybody care to wager a guess to what "Her Secrets for Better Sex" are?
"On a more important note, anybody care to wager a guess to what "Her Secrets for Better Sex" are?"
Tell him that it's "Ok" to masturbate...by himself?
Lots of Astro Glide?
throat lotion!
Yeah!
throat motion?
I dunno, but I heard Mr. Hands taught her everything she knows.
Her hands? Like to see that.
edited.
Google "mr hands"
PS, do it on an empty stomach.
That wasn't Demi's ass.
This pampered Hollywood gigolo could join the Marines or Army Rangers and actually go somewhere where he could fight for survival like a real man.
Instead, he's going to do it on Rodeo Drive?
YGTBFSM.
Yes the *brown people reduction squad* does make you a man, its just a question of what kind of man...eh.
Skippy...before you go off half cocked, ex-RGR 1st 75th plus alphabet soup of other idiotic accomplishments both government backed and private.
very honest, thanks.
Funny.
If I had time, I will post this drivel on chinese forums as an example of US productivity.
A guy running the canyons, pushed by the vision of being chased by wild boars and learning a martial art all day long to prepare for an event that wont happen. And I am pretty sure this guy thinks he deserves every single cent he earns.
Stupidity is bottomless.
Nice example of US productivity and how people should kiss goodbye to their US liabilities.
More work for the Chinese cyberguard as it is exactly the type of information they censor, as they dont like broadcast on how heavy they've been conned it by the US.
And I am pretty sure this guy thinks he deserves every single cent he earns.
And what magic do you believe he employs to get free money? It's not like he's a civil servant.
The magick of living in a society where the representation needs are so high he can make a living simply by showing off his mug and giving stupid, empty interviews as the one he's just given.
This guy's job is merely to broadcast an image for an ideal that the common US citizens would like to be real.
That is the magick. The greed for fantasy. The greed for delusion. The greed for duplicity...Similar magick as selling infinitive growth, hard work and innovation drivels... Works well too.
This guy might even produce videos on how to get the most of running the canyons etc...That would make a killer on the US market.
The man found a niche in the real world economy and he doesn't harm a soul. You don't have to like him but your baseless criticism makes you sound greedy and delusional.
When in Rome...
In the real world economy? In a country which is living off credits emissions, adding to a debt that is not likely to be paid? Thiefs can get rich too, in the real world economy. So what?
The fact is this guy produces nothing tradeable.
His only production is a lifestyle many wish to have. He is sponsored for that, to embody the perfect life many wish to live but unable to have.
Not harming a soul? I dont know what a soul is and how it can be hurt, if it can be hurt.
But lieing always comes at a cost for somebody somewhere. People who makes a living by projecting fallacies have done harm.
Sorry but projecting fallacies like infinite growth was followed up by decisions that hurt quite a lot of people out there. In the real world.
The fact is this guy produces nothing tradeable.
And yet people do trade with him. Meanwhile, how's your unicorn bridle business doing?
He may have read Forrest Griffin's book:
http://www.amazon.com/Ready-When-Goes-Down-Apocalypse/dp/0061998257
This guy is doing right things for wrong reasons, someone should tell him about zerohedge
A lot of issues with Ashton-envy on this board. He made it, you didn't it. Get over it. He's got Demi, you don't. She's still hot, so admit it and move on. And he's got more gumption than The Bernank, Timmy, Obummer or just about ANYBODY else in Washington or the MSM. So WTF are you shooting the messenger?
Hell, he's probably pissed and just blowing off steam because he's gonna have to move from Idaho to Sweden in the near future.
I'd totally let Demi cougar me.
Sofia Vergara for me D.P.
I said the same thing higher in the thread....Sofia Vergara, OMFG!!!! Incredible.
It's the end of Hollywierd as we know it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4s0nzsU1Wg
I will be out in the barn with my neighbors having a blues jam. See ya.
That's the least offensive country music i've ever heard, thanks for posting.
Bruce finally rubbed off on him.
Hush. They don't want Demi to find out about it...