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Friday Humor In Two Parts

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Today's Friday Humor section consists of two parts: one is high brow, the other... not so much.

For the high brow, we remind readers of a chart posted on Monday that plotted a timeseries of the S&P, the VIX and investment grade credit spreads. The problem is that this chart was, well, backward looking. But what happens in the future? Below we recreate the same timeseries, only from the perspective of 2013. So for those attempting to map out the correlation between stocks, bonds and overall risk over the next two years, this chart is for you.

For the not so high brow, here is what happens when Hitler learns about Netflix' price increase. No commentary necessary.

 

And a second version:

h/t Jerry and Nolsgrad

 

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Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:26 | 1460536 John McCloy
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Looks like the "unexpected Monday Good News" has been priced in. Meanwhile..NO QE..slow market bleeding and the need for a 15% drop validating QE3 is in play. Stay short till Jax Hole.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:36 | 1460571 YesWeKahn
YesWeKahn's picture

"unexpected Monday Good News" is expected.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:43 | 1460601 SheepDog-One
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Good news might cause vacuum tube melt downs on the trading bots, I think theyre scared of it. Got to Goldilocks the hell out of everything now.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 17:02 | 1460923 knukles
knukles's picture

Good news/bad news.... all the news.

Sheeeeeit, with all's going on in the world, the fucking thing is falling apart, holding on to the edge of Armageddon by a simple frayed thread, lead by perhaps the largest agglomerations of fucking incompetents ever assembled, worldwide, having passed the threshold of the event horizon, breaking the Nash Equilibrium, everybody spouting pablum to the point of believing their very own propaganda....

We're definitely going to need several humor based items for shit and grins this weekend.  The bullshit fatigue is getting way past overdone, tired, overextended, sad, dry, past, spoiled and no longer even tolerable.  The last vestiges of the thin veneer of civilisation are dissolving before our very eyes.

This calls for madness, mahem and suerlative cynical, sarcastic, deeply intellectual, cutting, dry, no holds barred, twisted, degenerate and dispicable humor. 
As a last resort, to fortify our intellectual curiosity, indeed reaffirm our faith in whatever we might wish to reaffirm our faith in, for the redeeming purpose of reaffirming our very faith in the reaffirmable.  Uplift us spiritually and prepare us for the next onslaught of the Moronic Inferno, for we all know, we're getting that feeling that this just ain't gonna come out right.
And I know this, because Knukles knows.
And you know it, too.

               All's not well that ends.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 21:30 | 1461429 sgorem
sgorem's picture

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA+++++++++++++++++++++++

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:27 | 1460544 Fish Gone Bad
Fish Gone Bad's picture

Hitler missed his calling.  He is/was an entertaining movie star. 

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:49 | 1460632 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

I do remember seeing entertaining movies starring Hitler.

The man did have a lot of skils.

He was a good speecher like Obama.

He wanted to rebuild his country but turned it into ashes in the end... like Obama will.

He painted.... Oké, Obama can't paint. But maybe he hasn't tried it out yet?

 

 

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:57 | 1460670 i-dog
i-dog's picture

"Oké, Obama can't paint. But maybe he hasn't tried it out yet?"

We could get him started on the outside of the White House. Simple colour scheme...two coats...what could go wrong?! It would at least keep him away from STARTING MORE WARS!! 

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:12 | 1460754 Tuco Benedicto ...
Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez's picture

Only with U.N. approval!

 

Tuco

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 17:25 | 1460987 j0nx
j0nx's picture

You saying because he's black then he should be outside painting the house instead of living in it? You sir are a racist. I keed.

Speaking of racists:

http://thehill.com/blogs/floor-action/house/171807-sheila-jackson-lee-su...

What a twat. She should be immediately recalled for that horse shit.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 21:04 | 1461400 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

That is the funniest thing I've read in a while. This play has everything. We'll laugh, we'll cry, it will end up being much better than Cats.

Sat, 07/16/2011 - 09:48 | 1461939 DavidC
DavidC's picture

j0nx,
Agreed, what a twat she is.

She's playing a racist card herself. 'You don't agree with Obama, it's because you're racist'.

It's a way to try and negate any discussion or argument. Same thing with Israel. 'You don't agree with Israeli actions, it's because you're anti Semitic'.

Pathetic.

DavidC

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 19:06 | 1461160 AGuy
AGuy's picture

That's the real reason O'Bama wants to raise tax...So he can hire some one to paint the WH this year. Otherwise its Michelle and himeself! Michelle only good for about 20 minutes before she gets pooped out, and goes back inside to watch TV.

Hmmm. That would be funny if someone slipped in an earmark that states the President must paint the WH himself this summer. That would quickly put an end to earmarks in future bills.

 

 

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 19:45 | 1461238 Osmium
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20 minutes?  Hell, that's nineteen minutes longer than my wife would be outside helping me paint.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 20:14 | 1461284 AGuy
AGuy's picture

I was being polite about it. She would come out and complain for 20 minutes, how he's doing it all wrong, before storming back in to go watch TV!

 

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 19:51 | 1461250 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

I wonder if Muslims take Bush and Obama speeches and put funny arabic subtitles on them? 

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:52 | 1460651 caerus
caerus's picture

should have just let him into art school...would have saved everyone a lot of trouble...moral...don't piss off an artist

Sat, 07/16/2011 - 02:05 | 1461753 FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

That's what happens when one overreaches.  He should have learned something from Napoleon.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:28 | 1460548 greased up deaf guy
greased up deaf guy's picture

those hitler clips never get old. lol

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:34 | 1460564 Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

Maybe it's funny if you don't know German. Otherwise its sort of painful.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:37 | 1460576 greased up deaf guy
greased up deaf guy's picture

two words: mute

:-p

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:14 | 1460760 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Now you know how it feels to listen to ANY American politician, but especially those in DC.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:36 | 1460575 Thomas
Thomas's picture

Yup.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:30 | 1460552 ThirdCoastSurfer
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99 red balloons go.... pop. 

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:30 | 1460554 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

7 point spread.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:34 | 1460556 Larry Darrell
Larry Darrell's picture

The low brow never gets old.  Same scene over and over, but beautifully re-created with the proper subtitles with so many applications.

As for the high brow, my 8 month old daughter would have a lot of fun popping all those "baubles."  She's just starting to walk, but she's already smarter than all Wall St. economists, because a blank slate economic mind is way ahead of one packed with volumes of Keynesian ecomoronics.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:32 | 1460561 THE DORK OF CORK
THE DORK OF CORK's picture

Our global leaders have lost all ambition in these dark recessionary times.

It was not always this way............

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGYSQ-xtWl4

 

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:43 | 1460602 wisefool
wisefool's picture

Why the Teleprompter in Chief  is always 30 minutes late to every press conference, that he himself schedules:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl_TFyk2GJo&NR=1

Yes, it involves "Eat your peas" and "Americans living in ______ want _____" outtakes.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:26 | 1460731 THE DORK OF CORK
THE DORK OF CORK's picture

Its amazing how Orson can make something so shallow seem so deep while the President can turn something so deep ( the debt abyss) into a shallow pool.

 

PS - many years ago The Brain tells a scary story to the young Pepsi max generation.

The Debt Bomb will get you

But they found the tale uninteresting at the time..........................

www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9rTkVlbTcQ

 

 

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:42 | 1460573 plocequ1
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In the time it took you to laugh at Hitler, The market popped 33 points. 

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:46 | 1460616 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Shows how broken and meaningless it all is.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:46 | 1460618 cosmictrainwreck
cosmictrainwreck's picture

yeah, those bastards just never quit, do they? couldn't stand to have 3 days in a row of "JUMP UP & fade....." Might look like something's wrong

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:37 | 1460577 caerus
caerus's picture

lol brow

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:40 | 1460584 MobBarley
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Can't wait for the 'Hitler reacts to suspension of Social Security Payments' one.

 

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:44 | 1460608 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Or veterans benefits...those guys all have guns.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 21:28 | 1461427 CompassionateFascist
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No entitlements will be affected. The Repubes just want Zero to give them a way to sleaze thru to an increase in the debt ceiling...w/o looking like they caved again. So far, Zero is hanging tough.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 17:15 | 1460595 hedgeless_horseman
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.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:46 | 1460620 caerus
caerus's picture

reed hastings can eat a dick...nice earnings release coward

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:46 | 1460621 uformula
uformula's picture

I can't believe that just happened.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:47 | 1460622 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Dirty Dancing...my wife's favorite movie. Now I'm scared.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:04 | 1460713 Tuco Benedicto ...
Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez's picture

Great stuff from Bernanke's boss!  Thanks T. D.!

 

Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 17:06 | 1460939 Agent P
Agent P's picture

One of my wife's favorites as well.  You and I have a lot in common it seems (Dora and sleepless daughters).  Anyway, whenever that movie comes up, it's always a friendly argument of how good/bad it is. 

I think I peed my pants a little when he said, "Nobody puts Hitler in the corner!"

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 18:40 | 1461117 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Yeah I will painfully sit through it ( Dirty Dancing that is)trying not to wince....at least noticeably.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 20:26 | 1461332 Dr. Engali
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Is that Perry the platypus you have as your icon? You are a dad :)

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:52 | 1460649 equity_momo
equity_momo's picture

Whats the definition of a frenzy?

2 blind lesbians in a fish market.

(alternatively , The Bernank and The Jeithner when they realize Brian Sack has left the building)

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:55 | 1460662 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

I've become curious about the "screaming Hitler" clip. Does anyone know what movie that is? And is there a clip that has English subtitles of the actual rant?

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:58 | 1460677 equity_momo
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Its from a fantastic film/drama called Downfall , covering obviously the end of Hitler and the Third Reich.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:05 | 1460703 Dr. Engali
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How long before the sequel "Free Fall" staring Eddie Murphy as Barack Hussein Barry Soetoro Obama?

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:20 | 1460788 Uncle Remus
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We've covered this. RuPaul for any Obama parts. A heavily CGIed Divine for Pelosi. Joe Biden as himself.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:21 | 1460791 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Sorry missed that thread. I must have been reading the Bawny Fwank bashing thread.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:26 | 1460801 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Eddie can do the stunts.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 17:06 | 1460940 knukles
knukles's picture

And who do Michelle?

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 17:18 | 1460969 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Moms Mabley comes to mind, but she's dead.

Tyler Perry maybe?

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 22:25 | 1461507 fellatio is not...
fellatio is not fattening's picture

everyone

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:35 | 1460839 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Joan Rivers for Pelosi and she wouldn't need any CGI at all.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:36 | 1460847 Uncle Remus
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But you lose the irony.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 20:49 | 1461381 blunderdog
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Good point.  Even worse, Joan has nice tits.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:07 | 1460692 Mercury
Mercury's picture

Oliver Hirschbiegel's 2004 film Der Untergang

It's such a good depiction of Hitler's final days in the bunker that writing in your own script about the end of XYZ is practically the new iambic pentameter for the downfall set.

Marla penned one about the 2008 meltdown here: http://equityprivate.typepad.com/

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:40 | 1460866 JohnG
JohnG's picture

Hey there old timer!

 

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:58 | 1460917 cougar_w
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I was able to find an original:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bmkUlXp5sk

Pretty damned dramatic. Knowing what was really being said in the orginal makes these parodies all the more funny.

And related:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT2-AuEb7Bc

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:55 | 1460666 Mercury
Mercury's picture

What's it called again when you drive the competition out of business by undercutting their prices...and then raise your prices once they have been eliminated?

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:02 | 1460699 i-dog
i-dog's picture

Exxon Standard Practice.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:05 | 1460719 Mercury
Mercury's picture

Standard Oil standard practice.  Exxon is the child just recently trying on the boots of the man.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:37 | 1460848 Sun Tsu
Sun Tsu's picture

Rex has got to Go!

Sat, 07/16/2011 - 02:08 | 1461757 FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

Microsoft makes Exxon look like an amateur.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:30 | 1460817 Tuco Benedicto ...
Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez's picture

"Downstream subsidization"

Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez

"Competition is a sin."  John D. Rockefeller

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:07 | 1460734 Rollerball
Rollerball's picture

I find no humor in S & M.  Quick, somebody shove me in the shallow water.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:36 | 1460846 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

... before I get too .... deep. Don't let me get too deep!

~ Edie Brickell & New Bohemians

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:18 | 1460781 Vint Slugs
Vint Slugs's picture

That 2007-2008 financial crisis historical model diagram, prophetic or what?  That looks like Italy's "boot" down there at the lower right.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:34 | 1460835 barliman
barliman's picture

Tyler,

Liked that one but thought this one matches the emotional cycles of the film better.

(NSFW - unless you work at the SEC - in which case, you've seen "The Human Centipede")

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhkcBlV2qpw

barliman

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:42 | 1460871 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

I liked that version better.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:43 | 1460876 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

That pretty well sums up my reaction.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 18:33 | 1461111 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Much funnier.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:46 | 1460885 DutchR
DutchR's picture

If you mix The Bernank's fed model with Hitler's rant you get something like this:

Nena - 99 Luftballons : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NxPO1Ni34g&

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 17:49 | 1461035 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

Yeah, I know this isn't said very often (if ever), but I'm with Hitler on this one.

I am Chumbawamba.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 18:23 | 1461095 barliman
barliman's picture

 

Only you could come up with that reply, Chumba   ;->

(wanted to reply before the resident "It's all a Jewish conspiracy" nuts jump in)

You must not have a lot of skinheads around your part of the woods ...

... one of them started chatting up my son in a local supermarket a couple of years back ... he was surprized when my son politely asked him to leave him alone - forever.

barliman

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 18:28 | 1461104 THE DORK OF CORK
THE DORK OF CORK's picture

Mefo Bills Bitches.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 19:49 | 1461248 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

Those charts are freaking funny, it's just a matter of time before this whole house of cards come down.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 19:53 | 1461255 john milton
john milton's picture

so many comments that not sure if someone noticed

it ended with same words like in wall street one...or am I illusnation

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 21:19 | 1461416 WW
WW's picture

Politicians suck, but Comparing anyone to Hitler is ridiculous,

Unless they are:

Pol Pot

Mao Tse Tung

Joseph Stalin

Sodamn Insane

I like the idea of Hitler watching Netflix in Hell.

What should he be made to watch though?  BBC? Tela Novelas?

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 21:48 | 1461448 CompassionateFascist
CompassionateFascist's picture

Tied to a chair, eyelids taped open, watching an endless loop of "Yentl", starring Barbra Streisand.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 21:20 | 1461419 WW
WW's picture

How could I forget Osama Bin Leaden?!

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 21:43 | 1461441 Justaman
Justaman's picture

Hitler never gets old, I mean, Hitler is a cheap bastard, I mean, Hitler needs anger management, I mean, Hitler liked a little golden shower, I mean, umm...nevermind. Hitler sucked.

Sat, 07/16/2011 - 02:07 | 1461756 sleepingbeauty
sleepingbeauty's picture

Okay, what the heck is the joke about the graph. I have looked at the darn thing until my eyes crossed. Looking for bernankes face or a toilet or something....what did I miss???

Sat, 07/16/2011 - 08:01 | 1461876 The Rock
The Rock's picture

The second chart looks like a banker's prostitute (aka business expense) falling forward.

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