Full, Completely Irrelevant, List Of Banks That Will Pass The Next European Stress Test

Tyler Durden's picture

Below is the complete list of banks to take, and then pass, the next farcical round of European stress tests. Just as a reminder of the complete useleness of this exercise, the last time Irish banks appeared on this list, they all passed swimmingly. They were all bailed out months later. We can't wait for Portugal, Spain and Italy to all pass without a single failure. Perhaps European taxpayers should inquire what percentage of the near-record gas price is financing this ridiculous waste of funds, whose only real outcome is building confidence in the utter cluelessness of Euro-leaders.


stress test 2

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tek77blu's picture

good interview with market commentator peter grandich on the financial condition of the u.s., gold, silver, equity market: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XtH28M3Bbc

Harlequin001's picture

Hypo Real Estate, you must be joking...

Good job Allied Irish is in there, I'd hate to think they might not have been properly tested.

I'm stressed just thinking about it...

willien1derland's picture

Good point H - Stress Testing Allied Irish is like stress testing a cadaver & lying about the fact that it even has a PULSE -

Harlequin001's picture

all the breaking strain of a damp Kleenex...

Quaderratic Probing's picture

Raise intereset rates, home prices fall, bank assets base declines....get ready for wave 2

Ted K's picture

Exactly who is the EU doing this kabuki theatre for anyway??  So CNBC commentators don't have to feel guilty as they are telling Mr. and Mrs. America to throw their last dime into some garbage ETF??  I mean who exactly is going to buy this horse shit???  Is this so Cramer can claim he wasn't the only jackass pulling numbers out of his ass?

Harlequin001's picture

I knew it was all real when I saw Royal Bank of Scotland in there.

A fine institution if ever there was one...not.

falak pema's picture

Dexia and KBC in Belgium is an old joke, unless something magical has happened to books. Landesbank in Germany supposedly dicy on RE Spain/Ireland, but who knows details so well hidden. As BNP -Paribas probably the most exposed frog for same reasons. Deutsche bank ???

Ask the Oracle of Omaha-Obama, he knows all, like Soros of Bretton Woods, NH. Unfortunately the EU countries do have command economies in vital state run sectors like energy where price is a pipe-dream that can be reprogrammed at the drop of a king/queen's hat.

Monday1929's picture

The next crash is unforeseeable. They are all unforeseeable. See?

It's all good. No, it's all Great.

And unforeseeable.


Well, the Greatness is foreseeable. It's the bad stuff that's unforeseeable. See?

frenchie's picture

any idea how those and not other banks were chosen ???


Implicit simplicit's picture

If the banks were required to mark to market on their RE loans in Greece, Ireland, Portugal, Spain...etc.. for starters they would be no need to stressless test already failwed banks. Much of this is a perception and paperwork act to fall back on to prevent lawsuits and the public ire. In other words: " See, we even stress tested, how could we havew known". The Perception is reality Ponzi goes on and on and on, ad infinitum, but it keeps the lawyers and accountants busy.

Ferg .'s picture

The real farcical aspect of the last round of stress tests was that the market reacted positively to the results . I remember trading the euro crosses at the time and thinking to myself " man , these tests are a complete joke , there's no way investors are going to swallow this contrived tripe ." How wrong I was . Confidence was restored ( at least for a while ) and the euro carried on upwards . Of course their true worth was exposed only months later when the entire Irish banking sector had to be nationalised .

highwaytoserfdom's picture

The real reason it is irrelevant is the usury/sinecurist class that did not earn the money but inherited it or printed it. The ability to bury their wealth around the world is symptom of political graft ( include bribery, extortion, cronyism, nepotism,patronage, and embezzlement). Notice UBS and Credit Suisse on the list? Nonsense will end as will the FED. The only question left is what will replace it. It has been a very interesting week Steinhardt , Trump, shutdown, BLS counting problem, and the spin masters fighting transparency.  

TaxSlave's picture

They're just following the U.S. model.  It worked a couple times, might as well abuse it 'til it's useless anymore.

thames222's picture

exactly...screw the Euro banks though, they're just as dumb if not dumber than us



jkruffin's picture

I don't think there is anyone in the entire US that doesn't already know the 11th hour stick save is coming tonight for the budget.  S&P gets ramped today +15 or better, then on Monday after the stick save is announced tonight, they push it up another +40 up to the 1400 level

Benny has planned this from the start. I mean really the amount of money Congress is supposedly fussing over is like me and you fighting over a $5 bill. WTF?  It's all planned drama for the stawk mawket as Bawney Fwank wud say.

Bubbles the cat's picture
Bubbles the cat (not verified) Apr 8, 2011 9:29 AM

soap op·er·a

Noun: A television or radio drama series dealing typically with daily events in the lives of the same group of characters.

Urban Redneck's picture

Since Portugal wasn't supposed to fail according their "thinking" when the model for round 2 was released, why even bother running the tests if they have not updated the model to reflect lessons learned from their failure on Portugal?

Alternatively, if the ECB wanted to publicaly admit to its fetish for lying to the public... wait ... never mind. 

tomster0126's picture

What are the points of these tests anyway?  they sure as hell didn't prove anything with Ireland and don't look to be doing anything useful here either.  what a sham.