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Genius Prevailed
Dear Readers,
We all knew this day would eventually come, and unfortunately Money
McBags is not talking about the end of Ben Bernanke's "Reign of Error"
or the Lindsay Lohan
sex tape. What Money McBags is talking about is his going back to
work (well at least the kind of work that requires him to leave the
comforts of his dining room, wear pants, and not spend all day thinking
of puns for Kocherlakota or googling such important things as "downblouse"
and “fat finger”) and thus ending this phase of the award winning When
Genius Prevailed. Trust Money McBags, this hurts him more than a purple nurple hurts Christina Hendricks as he feels like he has built something more special and unique than Enron's accounting, the Sphinx, or Kim Kardashian's ass,
but alas, he has to eat, and other than his readers' dignity, the award
winning When Genius Prevailed has remained without monetary
considerations.
It is a bittersweet decision because Money McBags' huge cockled heart
will always be with you, the readers, and writing a daily financial
dick joke column for the past 1.5 years (holy fuck has it been that
long?) is something that has started to define Money McBags and his life
in ways that make him both blush and rage at the dying of his might
have been career. As most of you know, Money McBags started the award
winning When Genius Prevailed after the hedge fund he worked for shut
down (and not because of performance, but because the guy pulling the
purse strings was not only pulling many other purse strings but is also
what Money McBags believes is referred to in common vernacular as a
"fucking scumbag who deserves to get leper AIDS of his penis") and he
needed an outlet for his creativity and basically a way to stay sharper
than the tongue of the most cunning linguists such as Groucho Marx,
Winston Churchill, and Portia Di Rossi.
Money McBags also wanted to pull off the buyside's gaff
and expose its hairy taint for retail investors to see how
professionals evaluate companies (and yes, Money McBags just referred to
himself as a professional which likely caused Benjamin Graham to roll
over in his moderately priced grave and the polyamorous one
to hide under his reputation, but whatever). By forcing himself to
write about the market on a daily basis, Money McBags made sure that he
stayed on top of things (though he would have rather stayed on top of this)
in what was the most brutal job market for investment analysts since,
well, since ever, and to be honest, it made him hella better. Putting
out what grew from 800 words to >2k words a day for the entire world
to read made him double and triple check everything because the column would never have worked if the information was off point.
And through it all, Money McBags found a voice and a niche, and
traffic on the award winning When Genius Prevailed grew 20%+ a month,
all through word of mouth (though unfortunately the word wasn't "harder"
and the mouth it was coming from wasn't Marisa Miller's).
Including the reads Money McBags gets on Zerohedge, between 6k and 20k
people a day now read his column (though as most of those readers stay
on Zerohedge, he has less ability to monetize that traffic through
shitty google ads than Larry Summers has the ability to not be a
cocksnot). And all of it started by just going to something called
blogspot (this is the original website which is more of an eyesore than Amy Winehouse's teeth or Jerome Kerviel's trading record) and putting up analysis and dick jokes day after day after day.
Sure Money McBags could have given it a go with newsletter but he
didn't think he quite had the scale (though it was getting there and
there was interest both from readers and from people looking to fund it)
and newsletters are all about marketing and Money McBags has less
interest in marketing than GE has in paying taxes or Antonio Cromartie
has in wearing a condom.
There was even interest in having him put out a newsletter without the
dick jokes but that would have been like asking Picasso to paint without
colors, the Treasury to make a decision without Goldman Sachs'
approval, or Camille Crimson to work without swallowing, so Money McBags politely declined.
While Money McBags did surpass his goal of 1MM readers (yep, read
that again, over 1MM people in the last year and a half read Money
McBags' columns, even if some of them came to the award winning When
Genius Prevailed by googling such esoteric economic theories such as
"gum drop butt plug" and "midgets girls ass holes" (and yes, those were real searches)), there was just no money in it. Shit, Money McBags allowed the guys behind this
to hire an actor and shoot a couple of webisodes of his material that
actually worked pretty fucking well, and that was supposed to start as a
weekly series this past week, but right now, that has been pushed back a
bit and Money McBags is now off to other ventures (those other ventures
being working for the man to pay his rent). But Money McBags has no
doubt it could have worked (and it still might if he can find the time)
because he writes his column like a slightly dirtier financial Daily
Show (though watch the Daily Show and count the bleeps and you'll be
surprised how dirty that has become) only without that annoying douchey British guy and with more tits.
But let's not dwell on what might have been, let's dwell on what was. Money McBags' cockriffic 1 year anniversary column
did a nice job summarizing his accomplishments and since then he has
continued to crank out columns dealing with the most important financial
issues of the day.
He tackled the meltdown in Japan with columns such as Market Has a Japanic Attack and Market hit by a Spoogenami.
He opined on the Middle East unrest with columns such as Big Flaps in Mid East May Require Libyaplasty and Protests in Egypt Cause Market to Take It in The Sphinxter, both of which will likely win posthumous Pulitzer Awards.
His monthly jobs report columns contain more detail, analysis, insight, and boobs than Nouriel Roubini running a regression at a Rick's Cabaret. He is sure it was required reading at the B(L)S and the SEC as soon as they finished their day's work.
He has also written extensively about US macro news including columns
about the Fed's fallacious (and perhaps fellatious) use of core
inflation such as Retail Sales Rotten at the Core while also writing about US economic policy such as Rich Guys Vote To Extend Tax Cuts For Rich, Laughter Trickles Down to Middle Class.
He wrote poems, he interviewed CEOs,
and as he is one of the top 5 small cap analysts alive he has done deep
dives in to many small companies where he obliterated anything the sell
side has ever dreamed of doing by making sweet love to QCOR's revenue numbers (and he is told Institutional Investor will be giving him their new "awesomeness" award for that one), verbally penetrating KITD's dilutive deals and growth strategy, and anally pounding ZAGG in ways that would make Bree Olson jealous.
His small cap analysis has made the award winning When Genius Prevailed
something the Street and retail investors have never seen as Money
McBags has had no agenda other than to try to make money and spread the love (and he has been successful in that, so don't forget to tip your analyst).
He has also tried different things such as an Oscar themed-column, fucking around with spammers, and introducing the world to the NSFW Femen Movement, NSFW Muff Guessing, and the barely SFW Brooklyn Decker nude pics.
And Money McBags hasn't just tried to titillate and inform, but he has created an entirely new style of writing on the internet where he has flipped the Gawker model on it's head by inserting funny/odd stories in to the actual text of his column (usually with the subtlety and panache of an Andrea Musser jail visit) instead of the much easier and lazier practice of posting a funny/odd story and riffing on that.
And the thing is Money McBags has had no editors, no fact checkers,
no substitutes, no co-authors, no class, and no real input from anyone
as to what he should write about in his columns. He's just a guy who
sat in his dining room all day by himself dick joking and assfucking the
market like the sweet little vixen that it is and hoping people would
find it funny and interesting and come back for more. It was like
walking a fucking tight rope everyday with the wind blowing stronger
than Kelly Madison
in a MILF Hunter video as before he posted them, Money McBags had
absolutely no idea if his daily columns would fall flat on their
proverbial faces.
Money McBags could keep tooting his own horn, but he will digress because as any good analyst knows, one can't be as backward looking as a politician.
Most importantly, this is not a sad time as Money McBags is going to
work for what he considers to be one of the top hedge funds on the
Street. Honestly, if you were to ask Money McBags what three hedge
funds he would want to work for, this fund would be one, two, and
three. Shit, Money McBags can't believe that they were not only hiring,
but that he made it through 400+ resumes, five rounds of interviews,
two write-ups, and a full colonoscopy (though that last one was just for
fun). More than anything though, after making the final round of
interviews for every fucking fund he found that was hiring only to be
shitcanned at the end as most funds are gaping vaginas and decide to
take the safe route and give the offer to the "employed guy coming from
the bigger fund", Money McBags is glad this fund judged him for the
content of his content and not the off-coloredness of his spin.
But it is truly an amazing country we live in (as opposed to a delicious cunt tree)
where a simple guy with a love of investing can go from writing dick
jokes in his dining room one day to investing millions at a time the
next day as one of a handful of investment professionals at a fund with
several billion dollars (and yes, that is what is happening. You all
know how hedge funds work so do the math on that and understand why
Money McBags can't turn this down. And yes, Money McBags will be
performing the same exact equity research he wrote here for free, only
now he will be investing $10MM+ at a time in these names. It is
stranger than Liz Taylor's eyebrows
or the B(L)S' birth-death model and Money McBags can't figure out if he
is now more Horatio Alger or Walter fucking Mitty, but he hopes more
the former than the later).
And the most bizarre thing is that while Money McBags' job search had for months been barer than the Sahara desert or the Shannon sisters
on Hef's birthday, in a 24 hour span the other week, several other
opportunities came back as positive, including one very outside the box
(and if it had been outside of Rosie Jones' box, perhaps he would have accepted it).
Anyway, Money McBags doesn't know what the future will hold for the
award winning When Genius Prevailed. He is not starting his new job for
another few weeks and he intended to write new columns until then but
after taking a vacation last week to celebrate finally having income
again and being able to eat and breathe, he realized that he needs some
time off to get re-energized as writing this column has left him more
mentally drained than Terry Schiavio or Michelle Bachman.
He puts everything he has in to every column he writes as he always
wants his next one to be the best one and thus he places unbelievable
pressure on himself to deliver insightful analysis, original dick jokes,
and new need to know information every fucking day and that is more taxing than Belgium.
Here's an exercise for all of you.
Now here's another one, sit down today, look at your blank screen, and
then try to come up with ~2k words on the market that will be funny,
informative, and get people to come back for more. Now do this just
about everyday the market is open for 1.5 years. It is absolutely
grueling, and Money McBags was literally spending 8-10 hours a day on
each column (in addition to looking for a job for 5 to 6 hours), so he
needs some him time. That said, there was nothing more rewarding than
finishing a daily column and knowing that some random person in world
would now be more familiar with the cockposterous way the Fed has been
managing the US ponzeconomy™ or the long-term viability Alice Eve's best assets.
Right now, all Money McBags knows is that the daily column will
unfortunately die, as will any kind of detailed individual company
research, but he would still like to put out a weekend macro round up if
time permits and may just turn to twitter during the day for quick bits of goodness.
A weekly webisode is still an option too, but it is too early to tell.
Money McBags will know more in a couple of months as he get
re-acclimated to wearing pants during the day and using his slave name,
but he will be checking his email indefinitely (moneymcbags@gmail.com)
and is always happy to continue to interact with readers.
To the CEOs Money McBags has talked with both on and off the record,
Money McBags appreciates all of your help and next time you are at a
conference and some guy asks a really cocktacular question, look next to
that guy for a dude thoroughly engrossed in his iPhone and that will be
Money McBags furiously donating to charity.
To the portfolio managers who ping Money McBags on email all day
long, the freebies are now over. Sorry, you all had your chance to hire
Money McBags (and for cheap too) but he'll be sure to not say hi when
he runs in to you at conferences.
To the readers, well, Money McBags couldn't have done any of this
without you. And even though he usually ends that line with a "well he
could have, but it wouldn't have been as fun," that simply is not true.
It has been a a shitriffic last year and a half for Money McBags and
without this daily column pushing him to stay sharp and forcing him to
put out good analysis, his career likely would have been deader than
Bernie Madoff’s trading desk. And without you readers continuing to
come to the award winning When Genius Prevailed or seeking Money McBags
out on Zerohedge and letting him know you liked a joke of his or some
piece of analysis he did, he's not sure that he would have been able to
keep at it. So a sincere thank you to those of you who powered through
Money McBags' thoughts on the Fed and small cap stocks everyday (even if
it was just to get another glimpse at Jessica Pare), he has much love for your time and dignity.
While a famous bard once wrote that “parting is such sweet sorrow,” that bard obviously never parted any of Kelly Brook's
orifices (or is it orifi?) and thus parting is not necessarily a sad
time, rather it is a very joyous occasion because Money McBags will now
have a shit ton of resources and millions of dollars to put behind his
ideas, so for one final time,
jizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
It's hard to say goodbye, and Money McBags hopes to be back in some form later on so check back for details, but for now he is going to gently ride off in to the sunset as genius has finally prevailed.
To the fucking pain, loyal readers, to the fucking pain,
Money McBags
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Thanks McBags,
It good to hear someone who writes as well as you confess how hard it is, The effort you put in always shined through.
Best wishes
Ladies, Gentlemen, Glenn Hubbard,
Money McBags appreciates the well wishes and apologizes for not commenting sooner but he was out all day trying to make sure he had all of the proper accoutrements for his new position (and unfortunately his new position will not be a rusty bike pump and even more unfortunately, Hilary Rhoda will not be doing the pedaling).
Anyway, he was honestly touched by all of your quips (though he would have preferred to have been touched by Sara Jean Underwood's lips) as being a dick joke writer can be a lonely undertaking and frankly, it got a bit dusty in the offices of the award winning When Genius Prevailed when he read your thoughts (and not just because Money McBags hates to clean, but because he didn't realize so many people gave more of a shit about his columns than Shannen Daugherty's ostomy bag after she eats anything at Arby's).
Money McBags hopes to be back in some form in the next few weeks once he figures out how much time he will have because if the world goes without dick jokes about new claims for unemployment rising again, GDP falling again, and the US ponzeconomy™ about to go down like Lisa Ann in Who's Nalin' Paylin?, then Waddell and Reed will win and we can't have that.
To the pain,
Money McBags
well, good luck with the monkey suit wearing. i am sure you look handsome in it. you can always follow me on twitter. check out my background pic†
http://twitter.com/#!/velobabee
You dirty fucking hedge fund-whore SELLOUT!!!
Oh wow, I can't believe I just said that. Sorry, I guess I was never good at getting dumped you money grubbing son of a bitch!!! Whoo, this is gonna be tougher'n I thought.
Uhhhh, yeah. Look MM--best of luck. Really. I mean that. If you're happy, that's all that matters. Stay in touch and, uhh, you know, whatever.
I'll never forget the good times we had, Money. They were cock-fucking-tacular.
Thanks Mr. McBags for some great laughs, grins and much appreciated links. All the best, and may you find the time to drop us a few lines from time to time.
the end of Ben Bernanke's "Reign of Error"
MoneyMcBags deserves a fuking Pulitzer for this... pure genius :)
Congratulations on the job. Your columns were funny as hell.
So long and thanks for all the cockposterous dick jokes.
just another billionaire
Thank you for all your passion, time, analysis and humour, Mr McBags!
jizztastic!
In other news, there are still hedge funds that haven't blown up.
Good luck. We're all counting on you.
Ah McBags-san , I can't believe this is the end . Best of luck to you in any new ventures . I'll always think fondly of the man who delivered regular doses of humurous/insightful financial commentary and who introduced me to the joys of FoxyForex.com .
Thanks and best of luck dude .
Good luck McBags. Show 'em how it's done.
"But enough about me." You seem overqualified! Ask for more I say.
Ah hell, you will be sorely missed, McBags. Best of luck and skill!
<-- sniff -->
Too legit to quit. You're getting your own meme. "ponzeconomy" is now common vernacular.
well, good bye then. i think i am almost sure that pussy runs this world. i was going to vacuum before i read this post, so don't get any ideas, that you perhaps gave me the idea. i have never used a vacuum, would think you would want the reserve, air blowing into you, not out. but what do i know, i just got here†
No doubt after two weeks of schlepping to the office at an appointed time, drinking free coffee, and flirting with the receptionist - your inner homunculus will be itching to burst into a stream of sweaty pulsing and rhythmically crude dialogue.
For the sake of your gentle readers, please place these mental pearls of your fecund mind - that will likely bubble to the surface at times you cannot express them - into a vessel that you release when it is full (you know, like bi-weekly or something).
'Cause...I'll really miss the laughs mixed with analysis, biting sarcasm, and fine poong-tang.
McBags...may your glass never be empty, and your secretary look like Gemma Atkinson.
To the pain, my man. To the pain...
http://www.soccerjones.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/gemma.jpg
I'll miss you Mr McBags. I hope we get some more of your wisdom insight and rude links on an occasional basis!
Thanks and good luck.
DavidC
awwww...shit.
Godspeed Money McBags, Godspeed.
Congratulations. Your small cap analyses were hilarious. Wish you great success and fortune enough to get those sharks with fricken laser beams for the moat around your CT manse.
May your troubles be less And your blessing be more And nothing but happiness Come through your door.
thanks MM for the good times, we will watch for you here.
Money Mcbags- the pain is on. May you replenish your wad and return to your pad so that us common folk may have our fix. Fantastic luck to you in all your future!
great to know you'll be doin the 9 to 5 when the market takes its huge and inevitable dump.
(unless it happens before you start the gig).
maybe you can work this vaccuum cleaner into one of
your future musings.
http://tracker.zaerc.com/torrents-details.php?id=15357
we'll miss your humility.:lol:
Oh that's right - toddle off to some overpaid position caring little that we all have to find the additional time and bandwidth to source high quality smoo on our own time now that you have been absorbed back into the Fold.
Well I hope they have a "NO PORN" policy at the new money factory and you suffer the withdrawals I'm going to have.
MMcB- this is akin to SS losing Elmo. You will be missed, thanks for the laffs. Good luck at Whea, Fuchem, & Howe!
Best, KK
Your humor is going to be missed. I hope you are well rewarded for returning to the mainstream, but I also hope you will be able to "pull out" again in a profitable way in the not-so-distant future. Peace go with you.
I'll miss one of the filthiest, funniest and smartest minds in cyberspace. You always made me laugh even when the news was depressing. Best wishes to you!
BRAVO to you McMoney! I haven't been here that long, but each and everytime your Post comes up it warms my heart 'cause I know I'm getting one Helluva good read with my kind of humor thrown in. We'll all miss you, except for some of the pesky trolls, and best of luck. Maybe a little insider trading and you can get enough to retire and return to ZH fulltime:) Take care bro, Stu Gore.............
Congrats Money McBags, you'll be missed, and thanks for all the fish.
God speed. Thanks for all the insight. Try not to become too corrupt.
Best wishes and thank you very much for all the laughs!
I will miss you dearly McBags. You have been a joy to read and clearly one of the finest contributors this blog ever had. I wish you the greatest success.
And while I cry in my coffee at the loss of knowing I have one less blog to go to for a great laugh, I will toss my selfish pain and raise my cup to you in a toast: In the immortal words of Parker and Stone-- Money McBags--Fuck Yeah!
Dirka Dirka Dirka dude.
Fare thee well McBags.
Thanks for the fantastic work. I just recently started reading your blog, and I have to say that you offer some of the best dick jokes I have ever heard.
Your evaluations of the financial world are pretty good too...
It's easy to see that blogs are an intermediate form, on the way to what, I'm not smart enough to say. The old, pompous, top-down, drivel is dying, but the new dudes can't seem to rub two nickles together. Such is life.
At least you have your priorities straight, among other things. Vaya con dios.
With misty eye, we bid adieu. The shoes of McBags will be difficult ones indeed to fill, so we'll stick to filling these in your honor. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_A297ABMlVjo/St6pH9ZVjQI/AAAAAAAAAOk/Al4tGHVQxl...
The ride to the top is never a linear one, so if ever you stumble a bit, and happen upon the skids, albeit temporarily, some advice from Birnam: Even if your pocket holds a fiver or a stained sawbuck, always seek refreshment -- and none of that ten years aged-in-the-wood chichi, either. Head straight to the bottom: seek the cheap stuff. The effect is, indeed, virtually instantaneous. If you happen upon a computer in a public library or some other public place, I offer you a page of reference, to the various elixirs: http://www.bumwine.com/
Enjoy the ride, McBags -- and of course, here's to the pain...a couple of cold ones and a something hot as a chaser...
http://maggiesfarm.anotherdotcom.com/uploads/beergirltheospark.jpg
Back to the pain for you!
Kick em in the nuts for us...I always enjoyed it Money...and thanks for the mammaries ;-)
ah bollocks.
Many many thanks for your award winning words. Fuck you very much for making me laugh when I was drinking a cold beer, and laughed so hard it spewed out my nose. All the best in the new cocktackular position.
May you win a major award there.
Slacker!
LOLOLOL! I AM CHUMBADUMBA! LOLOLOL!
No Inflation, No Inflation, No Inflation o we have inflation. WTF. No real world experience. ScamAmerica in the making. Blame the emerging markets, the weather, and what else the alignment of the planets or the Magnetic fields.
Many thanks for the laughs, tits, and asses.
Have a cocktacular time in your new "position" ; )
Bye. and Bye TFD.
Hey unemployment is dropping. is it good or bad..........for the republicans??
Go forth and never darken my towels again. There will be whiskey at the bar when you get back.
Hear, hear.
LMAO
Well McBags I suppose we have to concede your need for food and a pot to piss in, but this really is the most arsetacularly depressing news, I have to say. You have made a great deal of difference, some of it even vaguely beneficial. I wish you this as you step out into the light: may you be right when all the world is wrong.
...and MSM will probably report unemployment has dropped by one tomorrow morning. Congrats!