• Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.
  • Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.

Goldman Cuts NFP Forecast To 100,000 - Sheer Panic On Wall Street As The Heroin Addicts Demand QE3 NOW

Tyler Durden's picture

Your rating: None

- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:19 | 1328415 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Elsewhere, Joe Lavorgna is dry heaving in a corner somewhere.......

Images Tyler. We demand images.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:25 | 1328429 oogs66
oogs66's picture

I think you are giving Lavorgnia too much credit.  I'm sure he doesn't believe he was 'wrong' just that other people are at fault for not creating data that lives up to his expectations.  He will be on CNBS later this week chortling about how great it would be if we bull dozed some homes.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:28 | 1328441 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Found him. Joe's in the executive bathroom. My operative snapped this and sent it to me.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:28 | 1328447 LRC Fan
LRC Fan's picture

Haha that guy looks like Brett Favre.  After being rejected by Jenn Sturger, who laughed at his penus pics. 

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:37 | 1328486 Cdad
Cdad's picture

He looks  like Duncan Niederauer.  I wonder if he is hacking out a Chinese hairball?

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:45 | 1328528 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

He looks like Jim Rogers to me.  Which means someone dropped a gold coin in that toilet and he wants it bad enough to fish through the poo.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:50 | 1328593 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

I would too.

"It's no big deal."


Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:56 | 1328629 Fiat2Zero
Fiat2Zero's picture

Jim Rogers - "Damn clip on bowtie...popped off"

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:26 | 1328455 Iriestx
Iriestx's picture

Green shoots have turned to puke chutes?

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:31 | 1328461 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture


Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:38 | 1328492 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

What a clean toilet.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:44 | 1328532 Don Birnam
Don Birnam's picture

LaVorgna cutting from 300,000 to 150,000 -- that's some turbulent rethinking of "The Thesis." Perhaps this precipitous decline in bullish altitude is stirring a bit of motion discomfort. Here you go, Joe -- the proper accoutrement ( this one, "borrowed" from the First Class cabin on the return flight from Davos ):



Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:32 | 1328861 ADirtyChapCalle...
ADirtyChapCalledWanker's picture

This is not an executive in the Goldman bathroom. The toilet is not gold plated, and there is not an intern holding a warm cloth to wipe his ass.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:36 | 1328474 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

Joe told me he loved me

so i don't understand

why promises are snapped in two

and words are made to bend

(the bigger, the better)

some stolen from Japan

collected from around the world,

front run you if they can


lies lies lies yeah

lies lies lies yeah

lies lies lies yeah

do i have to catch you out

to know what's on your mind

well, Obama loaned to egypt,

what a waste of time

white ones and red ones

and some you can't disguise

twisted truth and half the news

can't hide it in your eyes


you say you'll try harder

but i think it's just too late

well, the Russell is in a dive,

and i'm not the sort to wait

the bigger, the better

some nicked from Hatzius

collected from around the Street

Lavorgnia lies on and an and on and on and on and

lies lies lies yeah (they're gonna get you)

lies lies lies yeah (they won't forget you)

lies lies lies yeah (they're gonna get you)

lies lies lies yeah

oh you know i know


oh you know i know



Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:50 | 1328586 andybev01
andybev01's picture

fucking hilarious! :-)

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:53 | 1328609 Don Birnam
Don Birnam's picture

### For Immediate Release ###

Deutsche Bank announces new U.S. Macroeconomic Research Team, who will be reporting directly to the Global Markets research chief, Joe LaVorgna.


Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:25 | 1328836 Frankie Carbone
Frankie Carbone's picture

The exploding scrap materials business might be a real job creator if you think about it. 

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:23 | 1328437 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:55 | 1328601 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

That used douche Lavorgna should try to cut the size of his head in half...it's friggin huge!

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:20 | 1328423 oogs66
oogs66's picture

QE3!  Greek Bailout!  Long live capitalism.  BTFD.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:25 | 1328430 oh_bama
oh_bama's picture


FINALLY people on the zerohedge site start to understand the GAME

  • SO BTFD!!


Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:40 | 1328499 LongBalls
LongBalls's picture

It's QE to infinity or dollar collapse. I wonder which will come first? 

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:49 | 1328549 SWRichmond
SWRichmond's picture

They are one and the same.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:00 | 1328636 Fiat2Zero
Fiat2Zero's picture

The dollar is Easing in a Quantitative way. Not popping (at least Ben hopes not).

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:37 | 1328488 Rodent Freikorps
Rodent Freikorps's picture

Bailing out the insolvent is not capitalism, bitch.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:42 | 1328525 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

It's almost funny (almost), how often the C word is brought up and bashed.  There's an entire generation who has never seen capitalism and yet they think they know it and hate it.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:58 | 1328627 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

What's worse is that those same brainwashed Izombies will say things like "The government is the people" and other nonsense that they were taught in them hier lernin institooshuns.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:11 | 1328712 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

They're paying an arm and leg and a future child for that there edjukashun, so it must be true...

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:14 | 1328736 Rodent Freikorps
Rodent Freikorps's picture


Wed, 06/01/2011 - 19:45 | 1330834 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

but in those towers, lies are spun..

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:28 | 1328465 SoNH80
SoNH80's picture

Hangin' in a chow line!  E-Z credit ripoffs!  Ain't we lucky we got 'em?  Hoo-hah, GOOOOD TIIIIMES!!!!

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:23 | 1328435 LRC Fan
LRC Fan's picture

Meh, the Dow can't fall more than 108 it seems.  Goldman vs the PPT.  Fight!


Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:27 | 1328438 oogs66
oogs66's picture

I'm pretty sure Tyler has mentioned it already, but we are unlikely to hear a single person talk about the 'first derivative' and the 'rate of change' now that it has turned decidedly negative.  Just funny how much they liked to use that when it indicated things were getting less bad.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:46 | 1328548 unununium
unununium's picture

I saw CNBC once report that "Amazon's loss worsened less than expected"

In other words,

 - Book value was negative

 - 1st derivative (earnings) was negative

 - 2nd derivative was negative (earnings worsening)

 - Second derivative beat the street's sandbagged estimate thereof.

 - 3rd derivative was also negative since YOY loss worsening worsened.


Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:00 | 1328633 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Go long pig lipstick...and shit polish.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:27 | 1328440 Jayda1850
Jayda1850's picture
Called it. by Jayda1850
on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 09:27


waiting for the ISM report to bomb, NFP estimates will all drop to 100,000. These forecasters have been so wildly off these past couple week, they have to try to cover their asses just to be able to show a modicum of relevance.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:29 | 1328453 oogs66
oogs66's picture

Bloomberg had 83 estimates.  Only 1 underestimated the number.  Someone from NordLB picked 53.0   though maybe he was letting the size of their Greek position cloud his otherwise rosy judgement

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:33 | 1328483 BlackholeDivestment
BlackholeDivestment's picture

''These forcasters'', lol! I flashed Less Nessman's '' Monster Lizard ravages East Coast'' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wML2V6crNc0

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:07 | 1328678 Jayda1850
Jayda1850's picture

too funny lol!

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:27 | 1328444 Iriestx
Iriestx's picture

BTFD.  This baby is going to close green.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:26 | 1328451 LRC Fan
LRC Fan's picture

+150 (the # of Dow points we will bounce off our lowz to close green)

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:33 | 1328484 Iriestx
Iriestx's picture

PPT wakes up from last evening's coke bender @ 10:45a, plugs in the churn bots and runs this bitch green.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:42 | 1328511 Rodent Freikorps
Rodent Freikorps's picture

Ummm...if it was a coke bender, they probably haven't slept yet. They just haven't rolled off the hooker yet.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:45 | 1328945 Iriestx
Iriestx's picture

Bah, just snort and fuck until you can't get your dick hard anymore, then pop a couple of benzos.  You'll get the night of beauty sleep that you need to do "God's work," keeping Uncle Gorilla's ponzi casino in the green.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:25 | 1328449 wesa
wesa's picture

If everyone cuts their forecast enough then the real number will likely be larger than the estimates and thus be declared a positive indication.

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:33 | 1328462 LRC Fan
LRC Fan's picture

Lmao.  So true. 

Cue CNBC-"we are still positive for the week!!!!!!"

Funny part about today is the Dollar is still getting pounded in the ass and yet the Dow can't seem to catch a bid.  Don't worry-it will bounce way off these levels by 3pm. 

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:33 | 1328469 Jayda1850
Jayda1850's picture

sounds like a huge rally tomorrow

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:26 | 1328452 Josh Randall
Josh Randall's picture

The hilarity starts with the premise that QE-anything stimulates job growth in the US

Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:30 | 1328473 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

Agree.  But QE is not to stimulate job growth. It is sold as such, but is not its function.  The FED was mitigating big bank risk with QE.  If there is addtional risk identified by the banks, expect more QE.  If everthing is packaged up nice and tidy, no more QE.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!