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The GoldManchurian Candidate

Benjamin N. Dover III's picture




When it comes to reporting about important issues, anonymity has no place. You wouldn't trust a calculator's opinion of what 2+2 equals without knowing what brand it was, right? Same goes for financial journalism.

Quite a few stories in the real press lately have been speculating about who Tyler Durden and his minions at ZeroHedge are, what their background is and what their motivations might be. One blogger has even demanded that Tyler Durden "disaggregate" himself. (Which, I found out from the dictionary, doesn't mean what I thought it meant.) Since it's high time this issue were addressed, and there's a better chance of Ben Bernanke knowing precisely when to turn the spigot off than there is of anyone at ZH addressing it, I've decided to end the mystery.

Now I'm less concerned with whether Mr. "Durden" is in fact Daniel Ivandjiiski, as one newspaper known for its high standards of journalism has speculated based on anonymous sources, than I am with what his real agenda is. (After all, what's in a name? Although this particular name sounds pretty communistic, if you ask me.)

The truth, it turns out, is much more sinister than any conspiracy theorist could have imagined. According to several high-placed sources whose identities cannot be disclosed for undisclosable reasons, Tyler Durden is actually an unwitting Goldman Sachs operative. A former securities public interest advocate, Durden was kidnapped and held captive in the inner sanctum of 85 Broad Street, where he was brainwashed and activated as a company stooge soon after the economy experienced its self-confidence breakdown late last year. His mission: to steadily gain credibility by posing as a critic of the financial establishment until, at the most opportune moment, he is to use his influence to advance Goldman's interests. After all, what better cover for a pro-Goldman lackey than an anti-Goldman rebel?

And Durden is not alone. My sources tell me that Goldman has similarly programmed dozens of others around the country to secretly do its bidding, including the founder of GoldmanSachs666 and Jessica Simpson.

So the next time you read some unflattering fact about Goldman on ZeroHedge, don't be fooled. It's all just a ruse designed to make Goldman look bad, so that Goldman can come out looking good. So beat Goldman at its own game: use double-reverse psychology and believe it.




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Mon, 08/24/2009 - 04:53 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Mon, 08/24/2009 - 02:57 | Link to Comment yellow submariner
yellow submariner's picture

For me it is completely unimportant to know who is Tyler Durden in reality. What is the benefit for me, if I knew who Dennis Kneale is? The benefit is absolutely zero.

Mon, 08/24/2009 - 00:01 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Mon, 08/24/2009 - 00:46 | Link to Comment Joe Sixpack
Joe Sixpack's picture

planet satire?

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 22:53 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sun, 08/23/2009 - 22:31 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sun, 08/23/2009 - 22:07 | Link to Comment vicelord
vicelord's picture

Epic fail.

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 19:39 | Link to Comment D.O.D.
D.O.D.'s picture

I will invert double-reverse psychology and I won't believe the lies about Goldmans' lies.

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 16:41 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sun, 08/23/2009 - 23:17 | Link to Comment GeoffreyT
GeoffreyT's picture

Rule #1 is "Never start a land war in Asia" (does Eurasia count?)

 

Cheers

 

 

GT

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 21:49 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sun, 08/23/2009 - 15:17 | Link to Comment mt paul
mt paul's picture

figures 

just another 

badger whacker ...

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 14:13 | Link to Comment polizeros
polizeros's picture

It's even more fiendish than that. ZH is sucking us in, taking names, and like in Big Brother, the underground is the establishment, just waiting to lure in the dissidents. Bwa ha ha.

Or not.

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 12:18 | Link to Comment Spartacus
Spartacus's picture

I believe that this frivolous post is unwelcome here. There is no need to post it. We don't want to waste time reading this crap. Please desist from writing in future. Nonsense.

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 14:03 | Link to Comment aldousd
aldousd's picture

What's the matter? Cod Piece on so tight that it's suffocated your sense of humor?

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 10:45 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sun, 08/23/2009 - 08:06 | Link to Comment eencho
eencho's picture

Anonyminity is not cowardice as that CNBC Wall St. lackey shithead calls it, when you are trying to upset the establishment applecart it is necessary because coming out would make you a target of their corporate fascist legal armies and then they will destroy you in their bought and paid for courts. Look at the guy who did the blog Goldmansachs666 or whatever the name was. Rule number one when you blog against the oligarchy - never take the bait and expose yourself, it's like the old three on a match rule during the days of trench warfare.

This blog rocks and the pocket media is threatened by it and many others out there who do the job of the pr flacks and shills that are churned out of our fine journalism schools like link sausage made with tainted skunk meat.

What passes for 'journalism' in the corporate controlled propaganda racket is garbage and that is a compliment.

Goldman Sachs (The Great Satan) is a financial terrorist organization and a menace to America - it must be broken into a thousand pieces and scattered to the winds.

Expose the filthy cheats for all of their malevolent criminality.

Keep up the great work!

 

 

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 05:39 | Link to Comment agrotera
agrotera's picture

Tyler is Tyler, even if he has help, and he is simply a completely righteous person. Fortunate for us, he is compelled to share his concerns all of us.

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 01:43 | Link to Comment Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Of course.  The power of the ever popular junior, senior or even full partnership...  As if that is a be all. Like someone that is awake wants to go swimming in that pool.  Living on all the mail order whatnot while looking for affection from some blue label & sushi served up on some CCE BL..

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 00:15 | Link to Comment TraderX
TraderX's picture

I AM TYLER DURDEN! SPARTACUS!

(Hmm.  The strikethrough function won't work.)

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 23:20 | Link to Comment Ducky
Ducky's picture

Now that is brilliant

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 23:00 | Link to Comment Sand in the Vasoline
Sand in the Vasoline's picture

There are many things my father taught me here in this room. He taught me: keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 22:50 | Link to Comment Rusty_Shackleford
Rusty_Shackleford's picture

I am Mr. Durden's attorney, Rusty Shackleford Esquire. 

My client pleads insanity.

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 21:51 | Link to Comment Joe Sixpack
Joe Sixpack's picture

Kilroy was here.

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 21:51 | Link to Comment Joe Sixpack
Joe Sixpack's picture

Tyler Durden is John Q. Public.

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 21:50 | Link to Comment Joe Sixpack
Joe Sixpack's picture

"...Durden was kidnapped and held captive in the inner sanctum of 85 Broad Street, where he was brainwashed and activated as a company stooge soon after the economy experienced its self-confidence breakdown late last year."

 

Oh he was raised by wolves.

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 21:32 | Link to Comment windhorse2000
windhorse2000's picture

"Ivandjiiski told Kapiloff that he's one of several writers who contributes to the site under the pseudonym "Tyler Durden," ..............."

Just as a side note, anyone who has studied Hermeneutics, would know that "Tyler Duren" is one person, not several individual writer.........it dosn't matter, the message is all thats important.  Keep up the good work guys.

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 11:58 | Link to Comment DaddyWarbucks
DaddyWarbucks's picture

@windhorse2000 said

"Just as a side note, anyone who has studied Hermeneutics, would know that "Tyler Duren" is one person, not several individual writer..."

I don't know hwo this Herman guy is but he ain't Tyler. I don't knows no charts, I'z just a dumb ZH reader. Just ask all them 6th grade graduates over at Naked Capitalism.

On a serious note, Establishing fronts as ones own opposition worked wonderfully for the soviets during the 1920's, unfortunately to the demise of many idealistic and patriotic russian expatriots.

Oops! who was that? Maybe I'm Tyler Durden and didn't know it?

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 21:05 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sat, 08/22/2009 - 20:48 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sat, 08/22/2009 - 20:48 | Link to Comment shorttrader
shorttrader's picture

Deninger concurs!

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 20:48 | Link to Comment Uros Slokar
Uros Slokar's picture

At the risk of sounding hackneyed and cliche,"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." - Gandhi

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 03:52 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Mon, 08/24/2009 - 05:29 | Link to Comment Marshal Ney
Marshal Ney's picture

NV Godse,  Viva la cynics!

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 19:05 | Link to Comment HankPaulson
HankPaulson's picture

lol!

Ya keep up the good work.

 

 

 

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 17:20 | Link to Comment The Coon
The Coon's picture

Keep giving them hell!

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 16:17 | Link to Comment rapier
rapier's picture

The absolute gold standard in disinformation is to sprinkle it into sources considered neutral to antagonistic.  Thus Whitewater and Wen Ho Lee and others too numerous to mention in the NY Times.

That said, and I know this thread is facetious, it's too clever by half to imagine GS running complex public disinformation operations. The art of being ultra succssful in high power high stakes finance and politics is not to try and control the world for that is impossible but rather to be ready to adapt to any contingency.

The revelation that GS got XX billions in  CDS payouts from AIG and Taibbi's Vampire Squid article marked short term lows in its stock price. ZH's spit balls have likewise not hurt GS a bit and one could argue have only made it stronger.  The savy and the greedy  are attracted to insider power like moths to a flame.

Game theory  suggests that GS would have been laid low long ago by political power. If they were competing powers that is. Instead the only logical conclusion is that they have merged and  all evidence bears this idea out.

If the mass of the foreclosed and unemployed might dream  of torches and pitchforks on Wall Street and K Street for 30 years anyone who has gained wealth by the managed inflation of financial assets has benefitted from the model which GS represents. That includes every member of every elite in American and the Western World. The alternative,as Paulson suggested that September  night in the Capital is the end of that world.

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 15:40 | Link to Comment ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Good post Rapier but if those ZH Spitballs were having ZERO effect WE NEVER would have heard of ZerOhedge...

Am I nuts? Look at me... Am I nuts? Am I?

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 12:56 | Link to Comment Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

Well said. That was of course, why Henry the Thief took to his knees before Nancy Pelosi.  It was not the world of the common man, or the "have nots," that was under threat of annihilation last September, but rather the world of the oligarchs, the "haves."  Once you get that, the rest falls into place. 

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 16:12 | Link to Comment AnonymousMonetarist
AnonymousMonetarist's picture

He's a great man.

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 15:51 | Link to Comment Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

I demand that Captain Morgan disaggregrate himself. I also demand that people stop putting him in their vaginas during porno's. Being demanding doesn't work on everyone so.

Sat, 08/22/2009 - 15:32 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sat, 08/22/2009 - 15:30 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sat, 08/22/2009 - 15:20 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sat, 08/22/2009 - 15:01 | Link to Comment Whatta
Whatta's picture

"use double-reverse psychology and believe it."

 

I do believe, I do believe...I mean, I don't believe I do believe it?

 

Rock on Benj and Tyler

 


Sat, 08/22/2009 - 15:00 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sun, 08/23/2009 - 23:53 | Link to Comment Arm
Arm's picture

Indeed it is a practice for investigative firms acting on behalf of clients to leak information to reporters

Some of the reporters are then paid to publish the information.  Other reporters will publish just because it is a good scoop

Guess who is my number one suspect?

Sun, 08/23/2009 - 15:47 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sat, 08/22/2009 - 23:02 | Link to Comment Anonymous
Sun, 08/23/2009 - 12:36 | Link to Comment Ich bin ein whatever
Ich bin ein whatever's picture

I thought Goldman Saks new image consultant was Charlie Gasparino.

In his latest move, he equated all the Goldman bashing with anti-Semitism.

You just can't make this stuff up.

Charlie needs to get a real life.

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