Goodbye Teenage Wasteland: Bank Of America Pulls A Benjamin Button, Reenters Single Digits

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Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:00 | 1460223 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Speed Downhill Racer


Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:29 | 1460340 static
static's picture

Mortgage Matterhorn

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:29 | 1460348 Pladizow
Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:40 | 1460380 WilliamShatner
WilliamShatner's picture

Bob is awesome, and so are your tits.


My January $10 puts are making me smile, and so are your tits.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:00 | 1460446 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

The secret to making something appear more valuable than its intrinsic value is to hide it from public view and then restrict access.

(Sergio, inventor of the modern bra)


Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:20 | 1460505 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

My January $10 puts are making me smile, and so are your tits.

"My $10 puts me smile your tits?"


Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:23 | 1460526 Blano
Blano's picture

Few things in life are more valuable than a pair of live boobies staring you in the face.  Usually the fun's just begun.  Just sayin'.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:48 | 1460630 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Personally I wouldn't want them staring me in the face because that would mean she's a good foot taller than me, making here easily 7'4".

Other than that I totally agree with you. :)

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:32 | 1460831 I Am The Unknow...
I Am The Unknown Comic's picture

sitting down sex?

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:37 | 1460852 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Yes, I am sitting down. Are you having sex? :)

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:49 | 1460633 JW n FL
JW n FL's picture

Aztlan!! Bitchez!!!

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 21:28 | 1461428 sun tzu
sun tzu's picture


Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:57 | 1460676 chunga
chunga's picture

It's all part of being a mammal...

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:04 | 1460715 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I find it hilarious how we insist that we are all civilized humans.........right up until the point where we want to rut in the mud like mammals.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:05 | 1460723 fuu
fuu's picture

Like they do on the Discovery Channel.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:58 | 1460925 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Or Animal Planet.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 18:48 | 1461127 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Don't forget women's big time wrestling.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:16 | 1460492 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

To: WilliamShatner

Sorry there aren't three of them and green!

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:30 | 1460555 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Well, these aren't green, but they are from Mars...

Maybe we'll get some from Fukushima.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:46 | 1460886 WilliamShatner
WilliamShatner's picture

That's ok, I'll do anything with tits and a vag.

I'm not a picky man.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:09 | 1460469 I Am The Unknow...
I Am The Unknown Comic's picture

CD, are you trying to make RoboTrader jealous?

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:16 | 1460485 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I'm afraid it all comes naturally. I just don't try to hide the fact that I'm an idiot. :)

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:36 | 1460843 JW n FL
JW n FL's picture

but you are such a LOVEABLE idiot! such a high caliber idiot.. and idiot we all could strive to be more like! for the betterment of each other!

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:57 | 1460920 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

We Americans always fall in love with our idiots. It helps kill the pain of our crushing mediocrity and abject stupidity.

What doesn't kill us just makes us even more insane.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 13:59 | 1460226 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Bank run!
Imminent sign of collapse:

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:14 | 1460283 Josh Randall
Josh Randall's picture

+5000 laughs - FORMS for free rent vouchers cause people to step over their own mothers to get one - although they would have to wait 2 years in some cases to receive anything, and agai it was just a form to apply:

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:20 | 1460308 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

The same behaviour will be observed VERY SOON when vouchers to apply for a free bag of chips and a can of soda are distributed amongst the desperate sheeple.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:02 | 1460450 r101958
r101958's picture

Yes, and this stands in stark contrast to the way people were in the 30's. Or, for another comparison, Japan this spring.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:57 | 1460675 trav7777
trav7777's picture

idiot.  Take a look at the vouchers stampedes.

Then take a look at the people in the 30s.

Notice any GLARING differences?  Like that jump right out at you?

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:55 | 1460665 trav7777
trav7777's picture

blacks again?  Bcuz that's who it was in Atlanta for the same vouchers

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:17 | 1460290 bill1102inf
bill1102inf's picture

millions of people who should never have been born in america.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:25 | 1460327 duo
duo's picture

exactly.  It was fine when they stayed on the reservation, but now the 3rd generation (maybe the 4th if you're a great-grandmother at 40) of the Great Society will be distributed amongst society by court order.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 21:33 | 1461431 sun tzu
sun tzu's picture

Tha'ts what happened in my old neighborhood when a Carter appointed federal judge ruled that the city had to build section 8 housing in all the decent neighborhoods. It went from thriving to a ghetto hellhole full of drug dealers and prostitutes. Yep, getting them out of the ghetto really changed their attitudes

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:25 | 1460328 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Unless you are a proud member of the Cherokee, Cree, Apache, Hopi, Mohican, Blackfoot, Cheyenne, Chinook, Crow, Navajo, Seminole or any other free sovereign American Indian Nation, that would include you.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:30 | 1460349 PierreLegrand
PierreLegrand's picture sure about that? Who built these?


Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:56 | 1460424 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

Who built these?

The Irish, obviously.


Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:01 | 1460449 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

Is that a penis? Or are the ancients flipping us off for time immemorial??

They must have had inadequate Wanker Timmays and Weiners even back then...

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:26 | 1460538 TaxSlave
TaxSlave's picture

That's not a phallus.  It was placed there by aborigines in the coprophiliac era.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:49 | 1460638 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Looks to be about the same size dick as the Fed is using on us right about now.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:32 | 1460830 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

....proof again that aliens visited earth and left us with some of their scientific advances....unfortunately their stone dildos were not sized correctly.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 20:54 | 1461376 PierreLegrand
PierreLegrand's picture

There is significant evidence that Europeans were here before the indians...

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 20:53 | 1461383 PierreLegrand
PierreLegrand's picture

Nah I was more thinking of this one...

One possibility is the ancient Greek Mycenaeans who buried their nobles in beehive tombs called tholoi, large circular burial chambers with a high vaulted roof. This is a possible influence, especially since the pre–classical Greeks were contemporary with the Phoenicians who may have lived at America's Stonehenge, a location we will examine later. As for the beehive chambers of New England, like nowhere else in the world, they closely resemble smaller structures found around the islands of northern Europe. The New England chambers are dead ringers for those built by the Culdee Monks of Scotland, England, and Ireland who adopted the building style from their Celtic ancestry.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:35 | 1460365 Dreadker
Dreadker's picture

+1 from my wife - she's full blood Chickasaw - Spartans of the south ;-)

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:52 | 1460413 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

Where'd you meet her? I'm looking for a squaw myself. She have any sisters? Pics?

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:14 | 1460486 Dreadker
Dreadker's picture

I met her serving in the military - she calls me her souvenir from the UK lol

She has a sister but she wouldn't be interested... she's a lesbian ;-)



Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:34 | 1460565 I Am The Unknow...
I Am The Unknown Comic's picture

Is her name "Dances With Beavers?"

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 16:12 | 1460753 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

Dang, just my luck. The good ones are always lesbians haha.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:25 | 1460533 Blano
Blano's picture

The US won, they lost.  Deal with it.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 14:24 | 1460321 Strider52
Strider52's picture

Shit, meet Fan.

Fri, 07/15/2011 - 15:38 | 1460581 upWising
upWising's picture

Decorum, please:

Feces, meet whirling blades.

Excrement, meet climate control.

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