This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.
Greece Declares Unilateral Withdrawal from Reality
ATHENS—The Greek government announced today that Greece was permanently withdrawing from reality, effective immediately. “After careful consideration of all our options, we have determined that this is the best course of action for Greece at this difficult time,” Greek Finance Minister George Papakantpeydabillous said in a statement written in fairy dust. Asked whether the withdrawal was a response to Greece’s debt crisis, Papakantpeydabillous made clear that the withdrawal was comprehensive. “We’re not just talking about economic reality. We fully intend to ignore reality in every way, shape and form. We’re sick and tired of being straight-jacketed by the inflexible dictates of objective experience,” he said. Papakantpeydabillous added that the withdrawal was not a radical departure for Greece. “Actually, our de facto withdrawal occurred several years ago — we just figured it was time to make it official.”
The action comes after months of hand-wringing in Greece and throughout Europe over the condition of Greek finances and the recent implementation of a drastic austerity plan designed to rein in the nation’s ballooning deficit. In a move that enraged Greeks throughout the country, the Greek parliament last month passed a sweeping fiscal reform package that includes raising the mandatory retirement age to 26, requiring a 35-hour work-month, and curtailing the popular Greek pastime known as “Euro Bonfire.” Despite these measures, Eurostat, the European Union’s statistical agency, announced earlier today findings that Greece’s 2009 budget deficit was 13.6% of GDP — 10.6 points higher than the EU maximum and 10.7 points lower than the whisper number.
The EU responded to the declaration by issuing a stern objection which noted that “nothing in the EU’s as-yet non-existent constitution permits withdrawal from reality” and that, aside from France, such a withdrawal was unprecedented. In a move to protect its economic interests, the EU Commission filed suit in the European Court of Justice seeking a lien on the Parthenon, and announced that the EU was considering even harsher measures against Greece, including blocking its re-election to the chairmanship of EU Secretariat for Fiscal Stability and Accounting Integrity.
Immediate public reaction in Greece to the withdrawal was enthusiastic. Within minutes of the announcement, protesters in Athens ended a riot over the government’s recent decision to trim spending by substituting Androids for iPhones in its free cellular phone distribution plan. Ulica Miphatassous, 26, a retired Greek hairdresser, was elated. “Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always wanted to have the voice of Maria Callas and the desirability of Helen of Troy. Now, thanks to this declaration, I do.” Dr. Manima Layseas, 32, a retired Greek physicist, expressed some hesitation at the blanket withdrawal, noting that Greece’s self-exemption from the laws of gravity and motion “might be problematic in the long run,” but added, “Hey, it’s better than giving up my government-funded happy ending massages.”
Shortly after the declaration was announced Moody’s Investor Service upgraded Greece’s sovereign ratings to “Triple A+ With a Gold Star” and placed them on review for further possible upgrade. “Greece’s withdrawal diminishes the risk of default by eliminating the difficult macroeconomic and financial environment that might otherwise exist were Greece to remain firmly in touch with reality,” said Sarah Carlson, Senior Analyst for Magical Alternatives at Moody’s.
Greek financial markets were mixed in response to the declaration. Prices and yields on Greek government bonds fell, while the benchmark ASE Composite rose to negative 0.
- advertisements -
Don't you mind those who didn't like your comments.
We need irony, sarcasm and humour to cope with the worst financial hurricane since I was born 1n 1931...
But, careful we are all in trouble even the optimists who believe who aren't.
I reject your reality and substitute my own!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyA_DNw2vyg
LOL, "Ulica Miphatassous" and "Manima Layseas". :)
Mr. Dover better be careful to guard his secret identity, though, otherwise the Greeks might send their dreaded secret-service hitman Georgios Papakappinurass to whack him.
I'm confused. Does withdrawing from reality trigger CDS agreements?
The euro was originally intended to be a production-backed currency. Not quite asset backed, but with strict limits on debt-to-GDP so that it could avoid what has happened to the FRN.
The error was in allowing states that wanted to be like the US to enter the union instead of letting the FX take care of it.
Also, the exporters have discovered that backed currencies don't let you play mercantilist games by lowering real wages through currency debasement.
There are those who argue that the debt-based fiat stuff outcompetes backed currencies through speculative flows, ending up destroying them. It's like how a parasite may endow its host with superior attributes to an uninfected cohort. The parasite then has its roided up host kill noninfected peers in order to spread its dominion.
The Sterling Bill was the first true global fiat instrument and it was wielded as a tool of Empire and used to attack nation after nation, to kill their local trade and currency systems and replace them with a network of global seigniorage for the BOE.
In fact, BW was a mimickry of the Sterling Bill's mechanics; both in terms of its usage in global trade along with its ostenisble nexus to specie. The reason we didn't get away with it as long as the BOE did was because of the H Bomb and ICBMs. It was clear that we could attack the periphery, but a move against other core sovereigns would have precipitated Atomic War. The new carry trades are legacies of what the Sterling Bill was...inflate, then deflate. Speculative flows from "sterling" currencies cause massive booms and busts in the developing world over and over again.
In the end, all the national assets belong to foreign corporations or the multinational banks. This is a centuries-old system.
I heard they just discovered a gigantic ancient cache of gold buried on the Acropolis from the time of Alexander the Great.
So they are going to be ok, after all.
Overheard with new labor demands after the bailout:
“From now on we want all wages doubled, holidays are increased to 12 weeks, and we shall only work Fridays.”
Voice From The Back: “Not every bloody Friday?”
I withdraw from reality everyday. Weed bitches!
Actually, it doesn't really withdraw you from reality. More like it makes reality more real, i.e. it cuts out the bullshit and allows you to see with nearly perfect clarity.
Weed: It's what for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I am Chumbawamba.
Well, it certainly makes sex feel more real!
That's what everybody does and I just don't believe you do it, it seems to me that you trying to tell them to go deeper in that shit because they are so fucked up anyway, stay in that posture forever, don't let anything you feel to affect you just go with the flow. And you'll watch!
GREECE DOES? HOW ABOUT US MAN? OUR MARKET IS UP 80% ON BS. FUCK GREECE.
Epic post
+ Greek Deficit
Friggin' Hilarious!
Another drivel from special forces of propaganda! It's not funny at all, it's idiotic.
1. distorting names, is it funny? Your name supposed to be like Dover, simple, and everybody remembers it,
2. his favorite Goldman helped a lot to create that mess, making billions in process,
3. spreading those shitty facts of his about retirement and vacations, funny too! What about 20% of Americans on forced vacations, food stamps, extended unemployment payment and so on,
3. he does not like deficit numbers, why he does not look closer to home, printing machine will probably make him laugh more,
4. of course Greeks just prying on free money, they want to live on those government money for ever buying Apples ipods,
5. what about American icon Moody's role in creating that mess, did they get money (counted in US GDP) for giving them those passing grades for years.
6. Laughings now you American fools! Soon will be the time you comes to rescue zee Europe and our trap will be sprung! Then I use squirrel to get moose!
Moooooo hoooo hoooo eeehh-ehhh-ehhhh
Natasha! De plans: http://www.encount.com/images/staff/b_n_2.gif
He forgot to mention that the S&P was up 1.37% on the news with retailers and REITs leading the advance.
LOL
This is the mystery of Elusis. Rebirth is now possible. However, like Socrates, revealing such gets you the cup.
I pity you knuckle-heads who lack a sense of humour.
Retired at 26--nice touch BD---pretty soon everyone will want free snow removal and filtered air----.
Lamb and OOzo for all.
Stupid article.
Stupider comment.
So, like, how did they do that? Huh? Like, uh, how do you withdrawal from reality? I dare you to explain it. Say there, I don't think that is possible. Got you by the furry ones now Mr. Dover. I think this is a bad post. Ben is a stoopid head. Why does ZH spend time on such a poopie brained stoopid head who wrights about things that are not possible?
I'm leafing this fucked up cite. You have nothing to teech me.
OK now, so just who is allowed to have a sense of humor here on ZH and who is not? Not got time for a light-hearted break from reality? Sad.
MsCreant was being sarcastic - making fun of those who don't get that the article was not serious, or who object to humorous content on this site.
What is sarcasm? Seemed like she was off-tilt there. Happens to me occasionally after too much ZH. Oh, and I'm so excited about Ben's use of New Times Roman. Now, there's a font.
I'm sorry Cody, I was goofing. I was trying to be silly enough with the choice of insults and poor spelling which hopefully is not typical of my posts so that my own "satire" would be clear.
I spent a lot of time on Ben's other two posts defending jokes, telling people to chill, and arguing that Ben is NOT who this author really is. I took a different approach this time. I went for a bit of a mean spirited laugh while targeting no one specifically.
The article was serious?
This stuffs all Greek to me.
The Greeks would be 'returning to the mountainside of their ancestors to glory in the company of the Titan forebears' ... or some such.
Reality is what you make of it.
Greek gods can take the form of half goat half IMF banker.
Thanks for another beauty Ben!
So this is the three you were talking about Howard. Good call.
So the Greeks decided to join Wall Street. Where there is only up, no down, it is always green and blue skies.
Glad to see the premier market commentator posting once again.
THE GREEK ESCAPE (repost):
http://williambanzai7.blogspot.com/2010/04/greek-escape.html
Mr. Ben Dover is a satirist. On a more serious note, Europe displayed its complete ineptitude in handling the Greek crisis. The ECB should have taken the lead. Instead, the politicians muddled it up, and bond vigilantes, smelling blood, came in for the kill. Yup, Greece lives in reality, and Europe is in deep trouble.
It appears that the current contagion spreading throughout the EU is reality avoidance.
What's the point of this text?
Withdrawal from reality? Was it not part of the US's plan to create one's own reality?
Greek government lives in reality, they know their assets, cards hand and play them quite well.
But to discuss that, one might deal in reality. Not in political fiction.
Really, you're not exactly the sharpest tool in this shed, are you?
Finally! The Truth Out!
Q: Why are the captcha problems so hard?
A: Designed for the Greek Central Bank.
at first I thought that you were kidding. but after thinking about it for 2.4 more seconds I see that you're onto something.
grow a sense of humor douchebag.
Yeah, they're doing great playing that hand. At this rate they'll be lucky if Turkey, which happens to have the largest standing army in Europe (by far) doesn't make them an offer they can't refuse.