Guest Post: The Andean Nightfly Pamphlet - A West Side Story Of Post-Baby-Boom Doom, Oil And Power Being Shifted (On A Platter) To The BRIC

Tyler Durden's picture

Submitted by Gonzo

The Andean Nightfly Pamphlet - a West Side Story of post-baby-boom doom, oil and power being shifted (on a platter) to the BRIC

Quite a ride in the Andean cordillera last night. Flooded Inca roads yielded fresh new bumps which in turn shook the gringo tourist, and synapses went to work. Pondering the idiocy of being born in the 1970s and what not. And taking action as per global warming. Sold my coat to an asshole who still believes in winter. The jerk! I've knocked down the garage and I'm growing broccoli. If you want to cheer up today, stop reading this and snort a line of pollen.
We the famous people of the West are in a bad shape. No matter how rosy the media put it; current state of affairs is feverish like 1937 (at best). The last 50 years of all-out complications from geopolitics to socio-economics seem impossible to digest. Our situation would compare to Mike Tyson after a sex change: same but different, with a totally erratic output. And probably dangerous.
2009 was the Olympics of Greed. USA won again, mustering a customary solid count of athletes whose ego dwarfed Donald Trump's. Obama world of hope sold to banksters. WHO-backed pharmaceutical companies were busy selling a vaccine nobody needed, electing Albert Osterhaus as the new Emperor of Equivoque.
Wily Russianw want to remake Europe without NATO and intend to do so by corrupting until we can all spell r-u-b-l-e. Oil money is the root of all evils as Russia knows it, arming Iran to keep crude price artificially high. Our gas pump Middle East can only be grateful. What else? Clueless Marxism has invaded southwest America, demographics are at work against us, and China wants to make ever more money.
The West is the best.
Get here and we'll do the rest
Jim Morrison, The End
If drugs hadn't done it, global warming would have killed our Lezard King. Glory to the sixties... Nothing but organic food and grass, pubic assertiveness, no Wal Mart no AIDS, and the bad guy was Fonzie. It's gotten increasingly and incredibly complicated ever since. Fifty years of disastrous US foreign politics led the damage, added to numerous socio-economical factors of your choice: rural exodus cramping cities, alienating suburbia, super hypermarkets killing the patisserie near you and making sure cities would never be bearable again, no matter how many dogs you walk between spring and Canal Street.
The worse has come from engineers. They killed God. Science boost has made religion look like a clan of retards. Heed my 12-gram cell phone shoot a video of naked babes bathing in the Jacuzzi of my jet, and send it real time to the 20-gram iPhone of my buddy who is watching TV on his yacht, and tell me if God can do better. The jerk! At best, churches make for a cute setting for weddings and a funeral. That letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians is cute too. Cute, that is what it is.
It is intriguing that intellectual gurus disappeared with religion, as so many wrote against it. They retired, wiped out like tiny puny dinosaurs of the Ice age. Once upon a time.. Folks were happy to be guided by John Locke, Rousseau, Emile Zola or Pasolini. Somewhat more significant thinkers than the alchemist of commercial writing, master of copy/paste, editorial pollution Paolo Coelho. So what? If you're too fat to walk the extra mile to the priest, you can always call Dr. Phil, or pledge to TV preachers from your couch.
'I have sinned against you, my Lord, and I would ask that your precious blood would wash and cleanse every stain until it is in the seas of God's forgiveness.'
Televangelist (whatever that means) Jimmy Swaggart, February 1988
To wit:
80% of the 8 to 12-year old boys in the UK want to be a professional footballer (Beckham)
80% of the 8 to 12-year old girls in the UK want to be a top model (Moss).
Some of those kids are gonna get disappointed. Don't intelligence and creativity belong to England anymore? For the national team can't accommodate 3 million players yet. Nor every girl could be paid a hundred grand to walk a 100 feet catwalk, even if Browne inflates like there is no 2012. Great Britain, once the epitome of western civicism, is now leading the West in a convulsed spiral of depravation.
Science has brought us cellular phones and wifi internet, so we'll never feel alone again. And we will never have to be where we say we are, either. Once you've granted mere mortals ubiquity by way of a monthly contract, expect moral hazard and the death of love. We've gone from religion ship.. To tranquilizers.. to relationshit.. Down to the folly of online dating, 'dispiriting' humans like vulgar items in a B&H catalogue. Cheer up! All is not lost; you now have reality TV to watch cunts live your very own low life.
That's right. With a concept as atrocious as reality TV, everybody now gets a shot at mediocrity. The legal age to write an autobiography has dropped to eight years old. Some heavy breasted grey goose under 25 has already written three books in the UK. A biography, a 350-page addendum telling how she passed her driving license, plus a third pamphlet on how she designed her flat and practices aboriginal sex to feel closer to her ancestors the Eng of England.
'I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh...people out there in our nation don't have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and...I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., err, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our...'
Miss Teen South Carolina Caitlin Upton, 2007
You would assume such a freedom of choice, of colorful movement and expression made us the happiest cats in the litter. The most fulfilled generation in history. Wrong. We've only proven to be the vainest generation since Caligula's. The make up artists of the Omo valley come close second.
A good measure of our decline is the numbers of magazines at newsstands. If I fart in the morning, I want to launch Fart Weekly. The ads will always cover my cost. Aim not at better, sophisticated products no, just caters to dumber customers. Number one rule of marketing and it saves you INSEAD fees.
Enjoy your magazine. Men Fitness still finds a new way to do abs every month, and new diet programs blossom every spring when a simple kick in the ass suffices. Bow to your celebrities press. Hurray, Kate Moss just got caught snorting a line, and you just got the millionth confirmation that money ain't buying happiness. This was $1 well spent.
In drug we trust, monster truckloads of it. Truly a Divine intervention and the dream-ally of corrupted governments. Drug keeps both jaded yuppies suicide-free, and slum settler’s solvent. Cocaine is more trivial than a mouthwash, and something as tiny as crystal meth has induced sufficient crime to ruin a paradise like Hawaii. God is scuba diving throughout the 2000s.
Yes. The last man standing on this planet will be a drug lord. Lawyers will already be mutants. And paparazzi, some form of lichen. You can always count on a media that you have conditioned to last by telling you what you want to hear, or what you fear; but never what is real. We have grown truth impaired. 'Courage' is now a perfume brand. 'Integrity' sounds like a foreign word. We elect and celebrate liars. We are hooked on deceit since 20th century 'papa ganda' figures - Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, Mao - rammed lies through our throat. We got stuffed, and they got foie gras d'idiot. The 20th century destroyed dignity!
As much as the sex wars destroyed marriage in the West. Men and women were born equal you know, yet they were still supposed to get equal rights a few thousand years later (if you exclude occasional matriarchal societies here and there, odd enough to fit in a wax museum). Well, that too has been achieved in the last 50 years. Courtesy of a few women in America and Sweden who had balls. Now some men want to be pussies. We call them metrosexuals. I have met planesexuals from the one Mile High club too. Doh! this is getting so confusing, the over genderisation of the past decade has made everybody wary, and engineered legions of dissidents: homos.
You're damm right. If you can't love the opposite sex anymore, just marry your own people. Homosexuality is rampant, and yet another blow to Western natality. Everyone ends up confused, and nostalgic of what then. Career women dream of cooking at home and curling on a sofa ( a Liaigre), but they will never tell you. And most Scandinavian ladies have to cruise to Italy in the summer to get a taste of the past, real thing, when they spent 50 years castrating their very own fine men. And they will tell you. Poor Vikings. Fi faen. Fossils.
In the Rebublic of Goudha, women will handle business and politics, which will guarantee world peace and proper business ethics in about 2-week time; while men will cook at home and design bathroom mosaiques with beer caps. YSL will design our aprons, for we'd look queer in Versace. It will be a HUGE market.
What goes on in our world?
All is well in Peru thank you. Rumor has it they use pisco and gastronomy to escape that rampant Marxism plaguing their neighbors. And what a cuisine it has become - probably the best in the world at present. Too bad for Venezuela, Bolivia and Ecuador now completely doomed by Engels dirty words. Gastón Acurio should really teach Chavez a few... for HE is the new Bolivar, not him. Ceviche a better weapon than Kalashnikov. I hope that it's clear. South of the border, Chilean pastures are still busy transiting from Pinochet to pinot noir.
Brazilian sambaconomics
My favorite country, Brazil, is fat and easy. From oil to cocoa, from acai to cattle, from copper to women they are blessed with all the resources in the world, and making tons of money on those sought-after commodities. Money shared by 2000 families or 1% of the population, in case you wondered. This is South American customary non-distribution of wealth, and only a Swede could think otherwise. Met an entrepreneur in Sao Paolo last year who was trying to do charity. His friends were laughing at him, true story.
More on Brazil. You still have 40,000 crimes a year in Rio alone, and 100 deaths on Brazilian roads every day, amid former hero-of-the-poor Lula spending a whopping $4bn on French warplanes. To do what? Quote: to protect their boundaries from their neighbors, fierce invalids from hot climates. You know, bad guys like Bolivia or Argentina. Jajajaja come on now, you are bringing corruption to Olympic levels. Another aero proof? TAM airlines buy Airbus, and GOL buy Boeing whereas they produce the fantastic Embraer. Ding dong. You should get the drift by now.
Warplane or not, and give or take a few angry Generals, Brazilian are sort of pacifists. Day-to-day happiness-proned sun worshippers who have managed to keep a country the size of Europe conflict-free for almost 500 years (11,000km of sun drenched sandy coastline is a positive factor). Any sociologist surveying them pitiful Basque, Breton or Padana separatist movements in current Europe would pay his respect.. For Europe has probably reached its peak of integration/consolidation a while ago.
It's true. Caucasians, instead of making kids, are watching DVDs after work and/or are too busy being homos. Whereas African, Maghrebi and Turkish descendants, who still perpetuate centuries of family values, are popping 3 kids per household. European demographics are changing forever. It is as blunt a reality as math’s can bring. Half of the French population will be Muslim in 2050. It is a fact, not a racist prophecy, and who cares, since I'll be bathing in formol by that time.
Indian summer
As much as Europe is morphing into a land of confused identity, painkillers and vague frontiers, India remains a world of its own. The strongest domestic economy of the planet, bearing very little interference with the outside world if not for a few cricket games, clumsy Tata trucks, picturesque call centers and a cinema it is hip to find good but that is real shit so to frankly speak. India is watching us like a laughing Buddha having the last laugh, buying our gold by the mega-bullion, while we people of the West are sinking in opaque seas of debt. Reality TV will distract and save us again, when MTV goes for a 'Pimp my debt' hosted by Geithner (not yet - he is busy releasing his 'Print your abs' fitness DVD).
In China we don't trust
Chinese tell us ' We don't understand you. Don't you love your children? Why don't you save, why do you put forth so much debt for the next generation to repay?'. Shut up, we say. China is proving completely intrusive. And quite ironically, it is showing us capitalists how to truly manage an economy. Sweden and China are the champions of innovative crisis management, and I don't mean execution (although the term 'capital punishment' in China is a GRINCANT equivoque).
Have you ever tried to criticize anything Chinese in a public forum? There is always a decent Han who will correct you and praise the Chairman's legacy. That's right, that guy, with his face everywhere, that scumbag who killed 70 million people, and who was ready to sacrifice 350 out of the 700-strong population of then. Monsieur Mao. Whose cruelty made Stalin marvel.. this should give the idea. You really want to trust a nation that still worships the worst cunt in history? Our best historians are scratching their bold heads.
The Chinese government is funding private language schools throughout the US to teach white trash some Mandarin. They are 1.3bn people in China, and quite a few outside. How many? Chinese Diaspora is impossible to count and measure, since they screw statistics with all forms of clandestinely and tricks, even reincarnating their own dead (names) in the community. How subtle. A reminder of German arm dealer Schreiber bribing scandal... the creative head of CSU (the powerful Bavarian branch of CDU) made those bribes pass for... donations from dead persons he picked in the daily obituary. Greed, and no mercy.
China holds America by the balls. Bretton Woods II is a complete success, having deprived the US of its manufacturing forces, why hooking its population ON shitty merchandises they don't even need. 'We are loaning you the money to buy our defective, lead-laden dolls. Ha ha die'. How brilliant! We can watch the demise of our former friend’s les Yankees imperialists on Chinese LCD screens while chewing on polonium dim sum. In China we don't trust!
NB: In case you were sleeping those last 20 years China generously offered weapons to Khartoum... to cleanse Darfur and give them access to southern Sudanese oil. Another one Clooney and Jolie missed. Obama missed that one too. At least in his speeches. He is 2009 number one disappointment, when there have been many. There is something very wrong when a self-proclaimed leftist bows to Washington warmongers and other FIAT Caesars... To have given in to the lobbyist’s skullduggery you campaigned against... you had to be seriously scared. Or 'inspired'.
All is nu-clear in Russia
Last but not least, comes Russia. Do not get distracted by the iridescent, colorful escapades of our favorite oligarchs abroad. Our big Europe will never resemble Courchevel or Monaco on a Russian holiday spree. We have more budgetary constraints, you know, Maastricht stuff. And the real Russian soul, at home, is colder than a polar bear's ass (no matter what Al Gore claims). Everyone is ignoring Putin like he is a 1933, harmless Germany... The Premier is currently purging the heads of the red Army. Chassez le natural soviet, il revient au galop. With a fortune estimated at $500bn, you can bet he has mustered everyone that is influential on his payroll. And silenced the reluctant ones.
By 'mustered' understand ' corrupted'. Russia wants to gain control of Europe, and it means eliminating NATO and American influence. How? Easy does it - they are paying their way through it, by corrupting European politicians like mere judges. They have already succeeded in oh-what-a-surprise Germany. In a feat of gratitude, Fritz vetoed the entry of Ukraine and Georgia in NATO, so that they can be attacked if needed. Germany is totally corrupted by and hooked on Russian oil. Oil in turn is kept artificially expensive by keeping turmoil in Ormuz. Putin is arming Iran like Brejnev armed China. It's not so fun to be Israel right now. Is everything nu-clear?
Because if it isn't, you ought to read economist Andrei Illarionov's works
to be continued.
Written by Gonzo

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lsbumblebee's picture

I was going to say something but I forgot what it was.

Real Wealth's picture


"It's true. Caucasians, instead of making kids, are watching DVDs after work and/or are too busy being homos. Whereas African, Maghrebi and Turkish descendants, who still perpetuate centuries of family values, are popping 3 kids per household. European demographics are changing forever. It is as blunt a reality as math’s can bring. Half of the French population will be Muslim in 2050. It is a fact, not a racist prophecy, and who cares, since I'll be bathing in formol by that time."

Nations, cultures, and individual families that lose faith in their religion stop breeding and die out.  They assume your "who cares, since I'll be bathing in formol by that time" attitude. 


"It is intriguing that intellectual gurus disappeared with religion, as so many wrote against it... Once upon a time.. Folks were happy to be guided by John Locke, Rousseau, Emile Zola or Pasolini." 

Those folks were still naively living off the principal of Christianity.  That has all been spent, nothing to live for but to eat, drink, and fuck. 


"The worse has come from engineers. They killed God. Science boost has made religion look like a clan of retards. Heed my 12-gram cell phone shoot a video of naked babes bathing in the Jacuzzi of my jet, and send it real time to the 20-gram iPhone of my buddy who is watching TV on his yacht, and tell me if God can do better. The jerk!"

Eugene (Fr. Seraphim) Rose, Nihilism: The Root of the Revolution of the Modern Age, p. 102:

At the same time, the poor and "underprivileged" of the world have awakened to conscious life, and seek abundance and privilege; those who already possess them waste their lives in the pursuit of vain things, or become disillusioned and die of boredom and despair, or commit senseless crimes. The whole world, it almost seems, is divided into those who lead meaningless, futile lives without being aware of it, and those who, being aware of it, are driven to madness and suicide.


Eugene (Fr. Seraphim) Rose, Nihilism: The Root of the Revolution of the Modern Age, pp. 106-107:

Men who believe and follow, for example, the traditional Hindu or Chinese view of things, possess a measure of truth and of the peace that comes from truth--but not absolute truth, and not the "peace that passess all understanding" that proceeds only from absolute truth; and those who fall away from this relative truth and peace have lost something real, but they have not lost everything, as has the apostate Christian. Never has such disorder reigned in the heart of man and in the world today; but this is precisely because man has fallen away from a truth and a coherence that have been revealed in their fullness only in Christ.


pan-the-ist's picture

Ahh- Buddhism.

Imagine that you are born into a culture which understands individuals have no freewill.  That 'you' are a cog in the wheel, and to be happy you need to be the best cog you can be.  When I imagine Japan before its westernization, I think of the warrior class who spent all day learning to kill, perfecting it.  I think of the engineers who built buildings to last thousands of years...

Then think of the confused modern westerner who discounts his worldly existence because he assumes an afterlife.  One day he wakes up and realizes that it is stupid to believe in invisible beings, but he lives in a culture which has no support for that kind of thinking, but does cater to those who live for the day...

pan-the-ist's picture

When the US was run by the deists (Masons) --that may have been our heyday for the same reason.  You had a culture in a subclass of influential people where perfection was a goal and it was not just okay to be a 'tool' but the goal was to be the best tool.

If that principal exists today, I haven't seen it.  It seems that the sociopath corporatists have stolen the identity of our country and dictate its culture.

Until a 'culture' arrives that appeals to intelligent people (sorry, Christianity will only make a come-back among the hillbillies) and gets them working toward the same ends, we're doomed.

Help me out of you see things differently.

Entremanure's picture

Amusing and well-written.  I'd of laughed more if the truth wasn't so sad.

What happened to my country?  It's tough watching it do the slow death-spiral like a greasy turd down the toilet.

anony's picture

What happened is:

Greenspan, Bernanke, Friedman, Geithner, Orszag, Fuld, Thain, Fink, Shapiro, Yellin, Paulson, Dimon, Prince, Madoff, Cassano, Clinton, Bush, Gramme, Leach, Bliley, Greenberg, Blankfein, Mack--------etc.

Bear's picture

I want to be a Footballer and a Model ... before the Russians take over

Dirt Rat's picture

Yah, it's called the Decline of Western Civilization. Gonzo dude isn't exactly the first person to bemoan it. Meh.

perchprism's picture


Great Britain, once the epitome of western civicism, is now leading the West in a convulsed spiral of depravation.


I think he meant to say "depravity".  There's no such thing as depravation.  Maybe deprivation?  No, doesn't quite fit the context.

Rusty Shorts's picture

 - thank you, spell checking, go away.

ict558's picture

First learn the English language, then indulge in pedantry.

RockTime's picture

what a bunch of bull#$%@... verbal diarrhea

Sqworl's picture

Well Wanker, show us your willy?

Jim in MN's picture

Where you been in livin'?...Reseda?

No, San Jose.

Uncle Remus's picture

Ah yes, the obligatory FZ reference. ;->

DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Umm, umm...

That was the most unique of all original posts I have read on ZH.  Half brilliant, half incomprehensible, half gobbledeygook, half wisdom, half....

And it was the mention of the Andes that suckered me into reading this.

Gonzo does have a good read on China & Russia IMO, they are NOT our friends. 

But, Gonzo sees an important and positive reality: Peru!  As long as Peru does not slide into leftist crapola like Ecuador, Bolivia and Venezuela, ya pues.  He is right about the food, perhaps the best variety and quality in S. America.

Brazil is kickin' butt in S. America.  Everywhere in Peru I see VW (Brazil) trucks and Brahma beer billboards.

Gonzo, give us more...

1fortheroad's picture

Brazilian sambaconomics, love it, dance the economy away. 

1fortheroad's picture

Brazil is kickin' butt in S. America.  Everywhere in Peru I see VW (Brazil) trucks and Brahma beer billboards.


I believe Brahma is owned by Coco-Cola but I could be wrong. They do own one of the majors here.

It was a good move for them, they are in the delivery business after all. 

DoChenRollingBearing's picture

I do not know for sure about Brahma being owned by KO.  I thought that Brazil's and Belgium's big beer companies merged not long ago, and then took over BUD.

Coke does own Cristal, the best selling beer in Peru.

Cristal, by the way, is a much better beer than Brahma.  Match them up yourself, and I dare you to say I am wrong!

b_thunder's picture

Can't wait to read about Aussies, Japs, Canooks, S.Africa and middle east!


merehuman's picture

hilarios and somber. Well done.

Take it to broadway.

Rusty Shorts's picture

Well done Gonzo !!!

chindit13's picture

A few of my own mumbled thoughts follow.

When I read this into my tape recorder, then played it backwards, it said "Paul is dead".

I don't know Peruvian cuisine, being partial to Thai/Italian/Indian, but I'll have to check it out.  Can I match it with a Chilean Malbec?

China makes me sad for our species.  I cannot think of a single redeeming quality for an entire people, other than perhaps a willingness to work hard.  If numbers do equal natural selection, I'm almost willing to toss Darwin and jump on the Kansas State Schoolboard bandwagon of wishful thinking in creationism.  Culture?  China went out of its way to destroy it, and they champion its destructor.  What they now produce makes Lady Gaga seem Shakespearean.  All that is left in the post-Communist society is an unquenchable thirst for money that makes a Wall Street robber baron seem diffident in comparison, and a total lack of concern for the well being of anyone not in one's immediate family.  Having seen firsthand the environmental effects of China's rush for money (in China and in countries where Chinese natural resource firms operate), global warming does not scare me because even if true we'll all be dead of something else long before our icecubes melt.  Leukemia anyone?

Russia?  Kissing babies tummies and tossing flags at Santa's house from submarines suggests to me that somebody took one too many blows to the head in his quest for a Black Belt.

In both cases (China/Russia) one can see the after effects of the combination of deprivation and humiliation on a people.  Some physical and emotional trials do not build character.  What will be born from our own current trial?


THE DORK OF CORK's picture

Great piece Gonzo - your writing style is impressive.

Its funny but I was not laughing much.

I remember a few years ago I was giving a 20 minute speech in a college.

For some reason it drifted off subject and I began talking about the decline of the west - people still had a false sense of wealth and a strange perverted happiness then , they looked at me as if I steeped off a flying saucer.

This audience was apparently well educated but were oblivious to the coming storm - something went very wrong in the sixties , I guess western culture died then.

Peace man.


Sqworl's picture

I love Gonzo!!!  I want more and often...:-)

Modern Money Mechanics's picture

The real Gonzo is dead.

ExistentialSkeptic's picture

"pubic assertiveness"??

I'm afraid you pretty much lost me there.  I know it's supposed to evoke Thompson, but there's a line between evocative and opaque.

For the record, the term "cunt" seemed out of place as a slur against a member of the male genus.  Forced, and not particularly effective.

TruthHunter's picture

Did Peruvian potholes short circuit a few synapses?

Nothing a good book editor couldn't fix...

I liked it well enough to finish reading it.

Looking forward to the world tour.  


svendthrift's picture

Peruvian food is outstanding. As was Gonzo's polemic.

I want more.