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Guest Post: Germany Looks To Justin Bieber To Solve The Crisis

Tyler Durden's picture


From Simon Black of Sovereign Man

Germany looks to Justin Bieber to solve the crisis


The world is now divided into essentially three categories:
(1) those nations that can effectively sidestep catastrophic meltdown;
(2) those nations that cannot avoid meltdown, but can afford to kick the can down the road
(3) those nations that must face their grim, unavoidable meltdown reality now

The United States, for better or worse, is in category 2. Politicians
can keep pretending that the wheels on the bus go ’round and ’round
because, at present, there are too many other countries in category 3…
namely, much of Europe.

Greece is on the brink of official insolvency… yet in an exceedingly bizarre interview with German news magazine Der Spiegel
published today, Jean-Claude Junker insists that (a) Greece is not
broke, (b) if Greece doesn’t make its debt payments, this is not the
same as ‘default,’ and (c) it’s OK for politicians to lie because people
don’t understand capital markets.

(*Note, suspension of disbelief IS required to read this
interview; Junker caps it off with a metaphoric riddle, “If the donkey
were a cat it could climb a tree. But it is not a cat,” which has about
as much insight as “Confucius say: Man who go to bed with itchy butt
wake up with smelly finger….”

As the Prime Minister of Luxembourg and president of the Euro Group,
Junker is a very important figure in European finance… and in the
interview, he makes it quite clear where his priorities lie: with the

As Junker states, “If Greece were to declare a national bankruptcy
tomorrow, the country would have no access to the international
financial market for years to come, and its most important creditors,
the banks in Germany and Europe, would have an enormous problem…”

Well, certainly no one should expect Europe’s banks to suffer their
own losses after making idiotic loans to corrupt governments. It’s much
easier to stick the people with the bill by establishing a trillion
dollar bailout fund with taxpayer money.

Problem is, people in Europe are starting to wake up and get it.

The anti-euro “True Finn” party in Finland recently surged in the
polls to become the country’s third-largest political party and a major
obstacle for any European bailout. This weekend, Spain’s ruling
Socialist party was hammered with losses as voters voiced their utter
disgust with the current government’s handling of the economy.

In Germany, this year’s state election results are showing that
voters are sick and tired of shouldering the financial burden for the
rest of Europe. Chancellor Angela Merkel’s ruling party is losing
miserably, though in a pathetically desperate move, some local
governments are changing suffrage limits and allowing 16-year olds to vote.

This is the strongest indicator yet of how bad the situation in
Europe has become: German banks are so over-exposed to the PIIGS
sovereign debt that, in the face of political revolt all across Europe,
German politicians have resorted to recruiting the Justin Bieber crowd
to maintain the status quo.
justin bieber 4 300x230 Germany looks to Justin Bieber to solve the crisis
Simply put, if Greece fails, the banks will collapse, and European
financial markets will tank. Politicians will stop at nothing to prevent
this from happening… including sticking every man, woman, and child
with the bailout bill, as well as pulling socialist-minded teenagers
into the voting booths to ensure they stay in power.

Eventually, though, these efforts will prove fruitless. Greece has
two months of cash left… and a default by any other name is still a
default. The ‘have’ nations in Europe don’t want to foot the bailout
bill any more than the ‘have not’ nations in Europe want to accept deep
austerity measures.

This is going to cause a lot of turmoil in Europe in the short-term…
and as the US government has successfully kicked its can down the road
through late summer thanks to the Treasury Department plundering public
pension money, investors are free to get their worry on in Europe.

I would suspect gold and silver in euro terms to do quite well as the
market looks around, once and for all and realizes that there are truly
no good major currency alternatives. This could be the start of a chain


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Mon, 05/23/2011 - 15:56 | 1302845 emsolý
emsolý's picture

Greece just needs somebody to love

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:56 | 1303010 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

Juncker's new look may be taking this whole appeal to the youth movement just a little too far...


Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:02 | 1302851 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

And Merkel is literally blaming Fukushima today. What a quack.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 18:17 | 1303204 knukles
knukles's picture

Don't forget the weather.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 19:18 | 1303387 andybev01
andybev01's picture

...and volcanoes. Those asholes.

Tue, 05/24/2011 - 23:18 | 1307780 silberblick
silberblick's picture

Click below to see a visual graph of Bankster's dirty needs arranged according to Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs:

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:01 | 1302857 Saxxon
Saxxon's picture

I'm just watching the descent with popcorn.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 18:21 | 1303221 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

Descent was a pretty good game, but this version sucks.  Here's the critical quote:

"voters voiced their utter disgust with the current government’s handling of the economy."

I have something unpleasant to tell the voters: You are stupid to expect the government to manage the economy.  Or anything else.  Governments don't manage. They steal and redistribute. You should have left the economy and the currency and interest rates to take care of themselves. "Everything government touches turns to crap"--Ringo Starr

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:02 | 1302865 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

I say go heavier on pissing the Krauts off.  That worked really good last time.  Those tall boots will be out and marching again, real soon.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:24 | 1302931 InconvenientCou...
InconvenientCounterParty's picture

They'll need a good 5-10 years to reflate the military complex. The clock starts ticking the day after they abandon the EU.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:34 | 1302953 Nicholaz
Nicholaz's picture

Not necessary.  This time Germany will just buy the rest of europe or seize it as collateral for bailout lending.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:49 | 1302998 Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

Thereby accomplishing all of their objectives and finally getting to rule the world, yay!

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 18:55 | 1303314 longorshort
longorshort's picture

I know you, you were that looser buying that kiss dolly in Spencers.

Tue, 05/24/2011 - 01:31 | 1304193 Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture


Tue, 05/24/2011 - 00:41 | 1304196 Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

You, sir, are mistaken.  That was a Justin Bieber doll for my granddaughter's birthday.  

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:07 | 1302880 Jack Mehoff
Jack Mehoff's picture

Meanwhile in America it's bussiness as usual.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:14 | 1302892 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

4 to 5 more weeks before the dollar goes down.


Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:07 | 1302882 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Get Lady Gaga to team up with Beiber, this deal just might have wheels!

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 17:30 | 1303090 MrSteve
MrSteve's picture

Way to roll with the tide, O German Shepard1. I imagine the capital ratios of the Landesbanks is probably over 100-1 by now. They could sure use some youthful energy to overcome all these obstacles to Paradise.

Tue, 05/24/2011 - 00:20 | 1304173 Keri at Bankste...
Keri at Bankster Report's picture

I think his name "SheepDog1" means that he carries (to protect the sheep).

Am I right, SheepDog?  (Don't answer!) :)

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 18:19 | 1303209 knukles
knukles's picture

Question:  Has there been any resolution as to whether GaGa is a guy/hermaphrodite/whatever and Beiber is gay?

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 21:55 | 1303864 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Yes, he was sent among the peeps to distract attention from his adams apple & yes Beiber is gay.

I am, however, operating under the assumption they are both Catholic repitilian shape shifters under the direction of Mossad.

And yes, I have been known to stir the pot ;-)

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:11 | 1302883 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Kids would vote to whatever party the parents say so in 50% of all cases.

The other once would vote the rebel side: Right wing.

Maybe 5% would vote left.


Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:18 | 1302909 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

NAH no 16 year old listens to their parents.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:18 | 1302916 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Yes they do. The children of the revolution aren't born yet.

Today's kids are pretty mainstrean indoctrinated.

Mommy and Daddy pay the phone bills. They aren't rebels anymore.


Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:33 | 1302950 Rick64
Rick64's picture

 I know that when I was 16 I knew everything so I know they will make the right choice.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:57 | 1303002 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

All I cared about when I was 16 was

1. if my girlfriend could sleep over. Preferably every day.

2. Alcohol.

3. My porn collection

4. Computer games.

5. Go out in the weekends.

6. My friends.

7. My dog.


So unless "politics" was a blond nude chick with a D cup. I didn't care about it.


And now that I'm 34, all remains the sames besides number 1.

I married version 53 of the girlfriend series so I don't have to ask her anymore to sleep over :)



Mon, 05/23/2011 - 17:02 | 1303032 unky
unky's picture

yes, i think thats the difference between europe in the U.S.  i think in germany only 8-10 years old are the justin bieber crowd. above that: alcohol and you named it.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 17:12 | 1303055 Rick64
Rick64's picture

 See you were perfectly capable at 16 of making the right choices.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 18:18 | 1303213 knukles
knukles's picture

Did you ever mix too much of #'s 2 and 3 and wind up with a #7 problem?

Tue, 05/24/2011 - 07:01 | 1304427 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

How do you mean?

That I'll try to lick my own balls?

I wish I could my friend... I wish I could...



Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:11 | 1302885 monopoly
monopoly's picture

This is all really very simple. We know the outcome. How long will they be able to rape the people before they say enough. Then, it gets interesting.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:17 | 1302907 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

I'm sorry to say 99% of the people still don't have a clue.

Most of the Europeans still enjoy the good life. All they know is that some of the news says other don't, and that only triggers their social helping sence that says: FUCK THOSE PEOPLE! WE DON'T SHARE!

And that's for example the only reasons why the true fins vote against Europe.

We're just not that social. We don't care about anybody else but ourselves.


Tue, 05/24/2011 - 05:05 | 1304384 Reptil
Reptil's picture

+1 My observation too.

In the Netherlands politician Geert Wilders said he'd not support sending any money to Greece. He was promptly attacked by Central Bank honcho (and 1st class manipulating scumbag) Nout Wellink. Who called him a "false prophet", and warned it'd cost the dutch economy dearly. Which is true since the banksters made the Netherlands (with it's lax tax laws, excellent infrastructure) their "hub". They're now (still) showering the population with little trinkets, life IS good over here, for nearly everyone. The real economy is doing fine.

All of that will end of course when the bankster either win, or lose.

I hope I'll be somewhere else then. Spain is nice I heard... ;-P It's like investing, this living thing. Hopping from iceberg to iceberg, and all of em are melting...

Tue, 05/24/2011 - 07:02 | 1304425 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Hopping from iceberg to iceberg

And when these icebergs all melt, all the Netherlands problems are solved because all water levels will go up by a few meters.

Than my real estate will go up bigtime because all those dutch will try to migrate to Belgium, GOD HELP US IF THAT EVER WHERE TO HAPPEN, NAUW NAUW NAUW!!, but I'll make enough money with that to move to Toscany :)

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:15 | 1302890 emsolý
emsolý's picture

From the Reuters article:

The teens are not, however, expected to noticeably influence the election. There are only 10,000 eligible 16 and 17-year-old voters in the electorate of 500,000.

Presumably, most if not all of them still live with their parents; why would they vote much differently from their parents, they may even be influenced by them, given it's their first turn to vote.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:26 | 1302927 Nicholaz
Nicholaz's picture

I'm not getting the Justin Bieber part.  Young people in Germany are the least likely to vote for Merkel's party.  I mean, I'd understand if they were rising the voting age to ... let's say ... 65 or so, then the CDU would stand a chance, but not in the age group anywhere below thirty.

Besides, that regional government that allowed the voting with 16 is in the hands of Merkels opposing party since over fifty years.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:38 | 1302930 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture
How convenient to release this news after markets close, Sky News Newsdesk British Airways suspends all flights between London and Scotland tomorrow due to volcanic ash cloud. 12 minutes ago » Sky News Newsdesk AFP: Dutch airline KLM suspends six flights to northern Britain due to Iceland volcanic ash cloud. 20 minutes ago And now the Prez has to alter travel plans just like last year ain't that odd?

Ash from an Icelandic volcano in April 2010 grounded Air Force One and prevented Obama from flying to Poland to attend the funerals of Polish President Lech Kaczynski, his wife, and Polish officials who had died in a plane crash.


And when Obama visited his boyhood home of Indonesia in November 2010, Obama was forced to cut short his trip by eruptions from Indonesia’s Mount Merapi.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 17:32 | 1303101 MrSteve
MrSteve's picture

Verily, his Karma stinketh if every volcano on Earth doth seek to scorch his ass.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 18:23 | 1303227 knukles
knukles's picture

And he cut short his Copenhagen Climate Change 200 Airplane Grand Carbon Footprint and Pollution Tour due to weather/volcano conditions. 
Neither war nor pestilence shall keep our self anointed royalty from their self appointed rounds.

Tue, 05/24/2011 - 10:06 | 1304824 Diogenes
Diogenes's picture

Don't forget the earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan when he was in Brazil, for the love of God why can't he stay home?

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:28 | 1302936 PaulSchiffT
PaulSchiffT's picture

As long as the greeks understand they are getting sold out to the banks... there is hope for everyone who wants to sh*t on the banksters.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:28 | 1302937 Doyle Hargraves
Doyle Hargraves's picture

Gee between all the MBS and the Greek Bailout you would think that Deutsche Bank would have died years ago...oh yeah I forgot The Amazing Ben and his printing press keeps them flush with cash to avoid even the worst of meltdowns, The Fed's Fukushima moment is coming soon, I will be there laughing, PMs in hand and heavy firepower in tow.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:28 | 1302939 Jim in MN
Jim in MN's picture

Touch the Bieber-monkey!  TOUCH IT!!!

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:31 | 1302954 Rick64
Rick64's picture


Mon, 05/23/2011 - 19:58 | 1303535 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture


Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:33 | 1302949 PulauHantu29
PulauHantu29's picture

How can this guy be popular? Am I THAT out of touch?!

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:36 | 1302958 Nicholaz
Nicholaz's picture


Mon, 05/23/2011 - 17:11 | 1303040 unky
Mon, 05/23/2011 - 23:59 | 1304161 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

The resemblance...sure that's not his sister?

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:41 | 1302974 somethingelse
somethingelse's picture

baby baby baby please

yeah we still have the wheels on our bus in the USA but they are all spare "doughnut" tires

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:40 | 1302976 strannick
strannick's picture

Before we get too overwrought about the poor austere Germans paying out all their savings to the squaderous, fun-loving ClubMeders, dont forget the German's used the common Euro to their advantage to export to all these countries for decades.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 18:27 | 1303230 knukles
knukles's picture

And took all their nieces down there for vacation.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:41 | 1302977 rockraider3
rockraider3's picture

Well, at least they'll go down looking good with some stylish hair.  That's why I mowed my law Friday night.  If the rapture was going to happen, I was damn well going to have the best looking lawn on my street.  Same thing in Europe.  Go down in style.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:44 | 1302979 Alex Kintner
Alex Kintner's picture

Today's IMF Special
PIIGS Roast skewered in heavy Greece and stuffed with Sour-Kraut.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:45 | 1302980 magpie
magpie's picture

Center Left Social Democrats and the Greens won in the Bremen election and will be reigning, CDU (Merkel's Party) in a humiliating third, their coalition partner FDP even worse (Libertarian/Business interest) under the minimum quota to be in Parliament.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:43 | 1302982 M.B. Drapier
M.B. Drapier's picture

Gentlemen, our search is over. I present to you the next Managing Director of the IMF.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 17:01 | 1302996 Franken_Stein
Franken_Stein's picture


It's not German banks in General, it's mainly one German bank: Hypo Real Estate.


Their CEO from July 2003 - October 2008 was Georg Funke, the main culprit in this scandal with regard to German exposure, the worst banker in the history of modern day Germany.


Each and every country in Europe, and America, has its own version of an Angelo Mozillo.

All these fucking bankers fell for the liquidity and housing bubble trap.

A common pattern emerges.

Stupidity or intention ?


Obviously the banker groupthink of housing prices never going down led to megalomania and subsequent bad decision making, ignoring all rules of managerial and fiduciary prudence.


HRE had to be nationalized by the Bund and had to have new cash injected and then a bad bank had to be spun off after oh so surprisingly seemingly out of nowhere accrued losses of €110 bn had emerged.


Funke had to resign in 2008, but the assclown of course in all his impudence had the balls to sue for having his claims on his still outstanding salary till contract expiry honored plus lavish pension payments of course.


So all in all he wants €12 mn after having driven the bank against the wall with €110 bn losses.

And then they tell you how you can't steal a bar of chocolate in the supermarket.


No, no, no, don't you dare !

Grave crime.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 17:04 | 1303039 Nicholaz
Nicholaz's picture

AFAIK the French have the worst exposure to Greek dept.  Comes handy that the (last and next) chief of the IMF and the chief of the ECB are both being French ... no harm will be done French banks. 

Maybe it's not too stupid of Mrs. Merkel to support the French IMF candidate.  What's good for French banks is good for German banks and a guy like Axel Weber might be stup- -err- hawikish enough to ignore German bank's needs.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:50 | 1303000 wandstrasse
wandstrasse's picture

unfortunately very true. Especially in Germany everything is just great. We do not suffer normalcy bias, we suffer time-of-our-lives-bias. It'll end in tears. 

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:57 | 1303023 Franken_Stein
Franken_Stein's picture


So, Du bist also Deutscher ?

Na, dann laß mal hören, Kollege.

Wir leiden also unter lebenslanger Voreingenommenheit ?

In welcher Hinsicht ?


Mon, 05/23/2011 - 22:24 | 1303938 Land of the Ris...
Land of the Rising Sun's picture

"Lass" schreibt man aber andersssss. Was die Voreingenommenheit betrifft, hat er Recht. Ist vielleicht aber auch der einzige Grund, warum man sich in Dtl. noch an Weimar erinnert .. wobei es mich wundert, dass (sic!) Indien und China schon einpaar Schritt weiter sind und G/S kaufen, als ob es kein Morgen mit dem USD geben kann (dabei weiß doch selbst ein zartes ZH-Kind, dass QE3..QEn kommen und erst die anderen Währungen kollabieren lassen wird, bevor es dem USD an den Kragen geht). Merci, mes amis...

Tue, 05/24/2011 - 00:41 | 1304195 TK7936
TK7936's picture

Wir errinern uns an Weimar ? In wiefern. Bis jetzt machen die gleichen Leute wie damals die gleichen Fehler -in langsameren Tempo.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 16:52 | 1303001 wandstrasse
wandstrasse's picture


Mon, 05/23/2011 - 17:59 | 1303153 THE DORK OF CORK
THE DORK OF CORK's picture

In Ireland We Know how to deal with Quaaaars !


Mon, 05/23/2011 - 17:59 | 1303168 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

German politicians have resorted to recruiting the Justin Bieber crowd to maintain the status quo..

They had better be careful. With one shake of his hair in a campaign debate Beiber could get all the 16 year old girls in the country to elect him into office.  

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 18:10 | 1303192 Agent P
Agent P's picture


Mon, 05/23/2011 - 18:55 | 1303322 longorshort
longorshort's picture

Tyler has Bieber hair.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 18:58 | 1303331 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"Chancellor Angela Merkel’s ruling party is losing miserably, though in a pathetically desperate move, some local governments are changing suffrage limits and allowing 16-year olds to vote. This is the strongest indicator yet of how bad the situation in Europe has become: German banks are so over-exposed to the PIIGS sovereign debt that, in the face of political revolt all across Europe, German politicians have resorted to recruiting the Justin Bieber crowd to maintain the status quo."

Well, at least we require a 16yr. old to at least have citizenship here before they can vo...oh, never miiind.

Mon, 05/23/2011 - 21:13 | 1303777 Reptil
Reptil's picture

I thought Justin was doing some good work in Japan?


Tue, 05/24/2011 - 00:39 | 1304191 TK7936
TK7936's picture

If Paul the Octopus hadnt died we wouldnt need to ask Beavers !

Tue, 05/24/2011 - 01:22 | 1304239 firefighter302
firefighter302's picture

How about 25 year old sufferage in America?

AND you must be a non-welfare Taxpayer.

Perhaps those who have actually PAID taxes should have the distinction of changing legislators who regulate taxation?

Or would that be too fair?

Wed, 07/13/2011 - 17:40 | 1453753 rajp
rajp's picture

Heh.  This puts my Justin Bieber Fansite into a whole new light. It's a serious political blog now. Maybe I should host some CSPAN videos :)

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!