Guest Post: The Good Ol US of A Turning "Classy"
Submitted by Bo Peng
The Good Ol US of A Turning "Classy"
Banks and other types of corporations have been divided into two classes
since the onset of the crisis: the TBTFs that taxpayers are volunteered
to bail out, and the rest that are not worthy of government help.
markets have also devolved into a class society designed by government:
those that Fed will buy and pop up, and those left dying a slow death
on their own. There's now a new industry trying to frontrun the Fed,
buying up the Nobles and abandoning the Untouchables.
transformation would not be complete without private citizens going
"classy." And so our government has been hard at work. Here is where we
stand now -- don't be disappointed by the limited success, bear in mind
this is only the beginning.
1. The Religious Class, aka Sacred Cows.
are the noble ones who had tirelessly supported the economy by maxing
out the home equity loan before crisis and spending it on vital things
like iPhones, $20k barbecue grills and temperature-humidity controlled
cigar rooms even though they don't smoke cigar. They flipped houses all
over the country, even the world. They owned a plural of condos and
houses. Now that their plurals of condos and houses are under water,
after selflessly sacrificing their own financial wellbeing for the
greater good, the government has no choice but to do the right thing and
bail them out -- principal reduction, mortgage mod, costless refi, etc
etc. Of course, these are peanuts compared to their monumental
contribution to the society, and even more monumental losses. They are
unhappy, and they spoke. And the government gave them $50K no-interest,
non-resource, subordinated loan. In other words, free money paid for by
the lower classes.
If you're a Sacred Cow and, surely you're not satisfied by such pathetic tokens of worship, no worries. There'll be more.
2. The Warrior Class, aka I'm Not Paying So Whacha Gonna Do About It.
are the principled, morally righteous, brave souls whose McMansions may
or may not be under water, and they have enough wealth to go on cash
for 7 years until the credit records get wiped clean so that they can
continue making great contributions to the society again, and decide
just stop paying back their debt as a matter of principle and justice
against the banksters who forced them at gun point to take out loans.
But the government will make sure their moral righteousness and bravery
will be amply rewarded. In this lawful society of arbitrary laws, their
debt will be forgiven and they'll get to stay in their McMansions and
get new platinum credit cards so as to support the housing market and
3. The Worthless Class, aka The Stupid Honest Peeps.
are the commoners. Their singular sin is the fact they stubbornly
insist on saving money in face of mounting logic as well as empirical
evidence against such obscure stupidity. By saving money, they destroy
the economy and take everyone down with them. Even further beyond the
realm of rationality, they keep paying their debt, for no discernible
reason whatsoever. These people are hopelessly beyond reason and
persuasion. The only logical thing to do is for the government to punish
them. For every pitiful dollar they have tried so hard to save, Fed
will print $10, $100, whatever it takes to get them to stop saving.
But not before their savings are used to pay for the rewards for the two higher classes.
second sin is that these people obviously have no faith in the
government. They cannot take the leap of faith that, when you spend all
the money, the government will step in and help them out. Faithless
pigs, they deserve to be crushed and slaughtered.
despair, though, even if you're in the Worthless Class. The one good
thing about this class society is that there's still mobility. All it
takes is for you to abandon the irrational, stupid habit of saving money
and balancing your checkbook, stop paying debt and start spending like
there's no tomorrow.
Because there won't be one.