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Guest Post: So How Much Does Charlie Sheen Spend On Coke And Hookers?

Tyler Durden's picture




 

After a weekend full of sad news, here is some afternoon levity courtesy of Brian Finn of Macroeconomic Woes

So How Much Does Charlie Sheen Spend On Coke And Hookers?

Charlie Sheen’s epic meltdown has dominated America’s asinine media
conversation for the past few weeks. Charlie has never been a bigger
celebrity than he is now as he runs around creating new words for the
English language (tigerblood, biwinnning), garnering millions of twitter
followers and appearing on multiple media outlets. The latest reports
indicate that a massive lawsuit will be fought between Warner Brothers
and Sheen with Sheen demanding hundreds of millions of dollars in
compensation. “I have mouths to feed,” Sheen was quoted as saying.

While it might seem surprising that a man who made almost $2 million dollars an episode for his last season of 2 and a Half Men
would desperately need money, the fact is that Charlie’s fiscal health
might be as potentially deteriorated as his mental health. As we all
know, Charlie’s favorite past time is coke and hookers. Consuming coke
and hookers is pretty expensive. A life spent swimming in the two cannot
just dent your net worth but in Charlie’s case it can practically
destroy it.

Now, I don’t have all of Charlie Sheen’s coke and hooker receipts.
What I do have though is a snap shot of Charlie Sheen’s finances in
early 2008. These finances became available as a result of a divorce
that Charlie Sheen had with his ex wife Brooke Mueller. At that point,
Charlie Sheen had assets of roughly $24 million with outstanding debt of
$8 million for a cumulative net worth of $16 million. The majority of
the assets consisted of home and furniture and he had only $3,000 in a
retirement account – see below.

Exclusive: Inside Charlie Sheen's Cheap Prenup

Despite the lack of retirement savings, $16 million is still a lot of
money by most anyone’s standards. People spend their whole lives
working decent jobs and saving and never accumulating assets that are
anywhere close to $16 million. However, Charlie Sheen is not anybody.

Charlie Sheen is a movie star who had at that point in time appeared
in 66 full length feature films that had generated close to $2 billion
in domestic and foreign box office. For the majority of these films he
was the star and highest paid actor on the set. In addition to that he
had at that point in 2008 starred in a highly successful sitcom with
well over a hundred episodes and one that made him the highest paid
actor in television at the time. Exactly how much did he make during all
this? This is a harder question to gage but there are some leads.

IMDB gives you a random sampling of movies he starred in and what his
salary was for those movies. For much of the late 80s and 90s he was
making $5-6 million a movie. The per movie salary drop off by 2000 to $2
million. This is obviously by no means complete and does not take into
account residuals or other revenue streams that might accrue after being
paid a certain contract salary. But from this sampling of movie
salaries which are spread out across various years and points in his
career, one can build a model for how much he likely made from his movie
career. Below I explain how I got a conservative estimate for his
lifetime earnings up till 2008 – feel free to skip that paragraph
though.

Here is what I did:
I copied his filmography from imdb onto a spreadsheet. I put the
salaries that I had next to their corresponding movies. I then went
through and tried to estimate how much he made from his other movie
appearances. I wanted to get as conservative an estimate as possible so
if he was the not the star of the movie, I just assumed he made 0
dollars on that movie – obviously this is not the case at all but for
simplicity sake I wanted to focus on movies in which he likely received a
big contract. I had the data of what he actually made for certain
movies from IMDB so what I did was assume that movies made around that
similar time period in which he was also the star, he received the same
contract amount for. The only exception to this was when the movie was
an independent movie and had no budget, in those cases I assumed 0 as
well. Now, after 0ing out most of his movies and not including his
residuals, I’ll still came out with an astounding $89 million in net
earnings from movies over the lifetime of his career till 2008. In
addition to that he had been in 144 episodes of Two and a Half Men and I
took his average salary over that time period to get an additional $49
million.

My extremely conservative estimate of $138 million was what Charlie
Sheen had made up until 2008 and this did not include commercials
(remember those Haines ones he did with MJ) and did not include
residuals or other stints he did in television like the three seasons in
which was on Spin City. My own personal guess is that Sheen had
probably made well over $200 million up until 2008 but for the purposes
of this exercise we will work with $138 million.

Now how did that $133 million get to become $16 million? Well first
the management and talent agency need to take their 10% cuts. Then the
government takes their 40%. That leaves you with $66 million – see below



Cumulative Earned Income $138,000,000
Management and Agency Fees (@20%) $27,600,000
Taxes (@ 40%) $44,160,000
Total Take $66,240,000

In order for $66 million in after tax income to become $16 million in
cumulative assets, you would have had to have either wasted $50 million
on terrible investments or you would have to have simply burned through
that $50 million. In other words, either Charlie Sheen is mind
bogglingly stupid routinely gets scammed on dumb investements or he
really does  routinely spend thousands of dollars for hotel rooms in
places like the Waldorf Astoria which he then stocks with $5,000 a night
hookers and bags of cocaine. Given the revelations of the last few
days, it is likely the later.

The thing is if you routinely have nights like that then it starts to
add up. Here is what a sample night on the town with Charlie Sheen
might look like.



Drugs $3,000
Hooker 1 $5,000
Hooker 2 $5,000
Hooker 3 $5,000
Hotel Room $2,000
Restaurant  $1,000
   
Total $21,000

If he did this once a week, then he is spending $1 million a year on
his ridiculously extravagant going out lifestyle. He likely did it more
than once a week and there are likely other costs in there as well. Over
time, you have a huge cash outflow, not enough to explain the entire
$50 million gap but enough to explain $15-20 million of it. Where that
other $30-35 million went is anyone’s guess – buying expensive cars and
stereosystems that immedietly depreciate in value – i.e. MC Hammer,
spending money on private jets, expensive clothes et all. Regardless of
how it is explained, it is likely that whatever he did to lose it in the
past, he will likely do again in the future. It doesn’t matter how much
money he is given he will find a way to spend it on hilariously stupid
things.

What matters in the end to Charlie is to try and get as insanely
happy as he appears to be in this picture below. If he doesn’t get that
several hundred million dollar settlement then these moments of pure
drug addled bliss might be a thing of the past which would be a shame.
It would be a shame not only for the universe of snarky commentaters who
enjoy watching celebrities meltdown in front of the world but it would
also be a shame for LA’s underground economy of craigslist hookers and
drug dealers.

So, please on behalf of these hard working sex workers and drug
traffikers petition Warner Brothers and let them know that Sheen’s
claims need to be paid upfront, preferably in $100 bills. 

 

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Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:27 | 1050898 trav7777
trav7777's picture

who fucking CARES?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:28 | 1050914 cdude
cdude's picture

DITTO

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:57 | 1051403 Irwin Fletcher
Irwin Fletcher's picture

Would anyone care if Charlie was a hedge fund manager? Would anyone then care that his $3000 of drug money for the day ends up the hands of people like warlords and the CIA? Would it matter if he'd taken this money as a bonus from GS rather than as a salary from WB? I'm actually not convinced that I don't care about this. I probably don't though.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:15 | 1051477 Ray1968
Ray1968's picture

I was hoping to go a whole day without seeing a Charlie Sheen headline.

I bet Charlie was hoping for the same.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 17:17 | 1052093 Mark McGoldrick
Mark McGoldrick's picture

 

Tyler, I can appreciate your frustration in trying to offer levity to a bunch of humorless libertarians. That is certainly a tough task.    

If the subject isn't about the end of civilization, canned hams, urban warfare, underground bunkers, or shiny coins, you're probably going to find a very short and hostile attention span around here. 

I'm currently working on an article entitled, Coffee Talk with a Libertarian: The Benefits of an Apocalypse, the Vindication of the Nihilist and finding Bargains at Cabellas.

Your readers will love it!

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 17:36 | 1052160 Deathtöngue
Deathtöngue's picture

Mistake #1: the title includes "talk with a libertarian".

They only talk AT you.

Oh... and also send you links to Ron Paul youtube speeches and the odd Von Mises essay as if anyone would ever want to read that John Bircher.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 18:14 | 1052327 Ray1968
Ray1968's picture

you can go back to Daily Kos now.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 22:30 | 1053355 Yits and the Yimrum
Yits and the Yimrum's picture

+1

and you know this libertarian shit is 10 times better than reality TV!

everybody wants to dream about beating the odds during  Mad Max,

 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:29 | 1050919 plocequ1
plocequ1's picture

Thank goodness he is just a guest. I thought i was on The Onion for a moment

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:31 | 1050928 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

only when I'm in a supermarket

 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:39 | 1050964 Cash_is_Trash
Cash_is_Trash's picture

This article sucks donkey balls

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:41 | 1050980 OpenEyes
OpenEyes's picture

Exactly!  Who the hell cares about this?  Quite a bit beneath the normally high standards of ZH to have this crap as a featured story.  Especially given everything that's going on right now that actually DOES matter.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:47 | 1051011 I Am The Unknow...
I Am The Unknown Comic's picture

+1 trav7777.   Is there a blackout in news today or something?  Seems to me we should be flooded with reports on all the turmoil in MENA and Japan.  I can't even find anything on RT, Al-Jazeera, or Euronews worth watching today.  Even RAN Squawk is weak today.  Then we get this crap on ZH?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:46 | 1051013 Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden's picture

"After a weekend full of sad news, here is some afternoon levity"

Readers are advised to relax- if and when the world blows up, it will be promptly covered.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:51 | 1051044 plocequ1
plocequ1's picture

Im all prepared. I took my protein pills and put my helmet on.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:52 | 1051046 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Max Keiser, along with a few other sources in the SLA (Silver Liberation Army), have indicated that Charlie's upcoming stage shows, http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2011/03/11/charlie-sheen-brings-rants-to-live-stage-shows/, will will be utilized in order to notify the attendees of the SLA. 

 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:34 | 1051280 gordengeko
gordengeko's picture

Charlie might be not normal but the man does have a clue.  He called his tour violent torpedo of truth and has been on alex jones' show a few times.  I would bet that he talks about a bunch of shit.  I would actually pay $35 to see him, call me crazy.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:39 | 1051295 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Crazy like a fox.  If the "Torpedo of Truth" stage show is the agenda, then Charlie is playing the MSM like the fools they are.  All he needs to do to really get the press attention would be to release a sex tape of him, Hanna Montana, and Justin Bieber in a masive three-way and the whole world's eyes will turn to him even more.  Hell, even Japanese tsunami victims floating at sea would be watching that video on their iPad2 instead of trying to call for help.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:38 | 1051584 24KGOLD FOIL HAT
24KGOLD FOIL HAT's picture

Too bad he is melting down.  He has been trying to spread the word about banksters.  He might be able to use his fame to alert a few hundred thousand J6P's to the reality of the financial crimes.

He would be in even more danger if the public learned some financial truth from him.  TPTB could arrange for an overdose.

I give Charlie the benefit of the doubt cuz he tells what he knows about the finacial system.  Dont like his antics.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:06 | 1051134 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

Thanks, Tyler.  Don't it just suck when being specific just isn't specific enough? Hang in there..

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:12 | 1051162 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

Personally, I think you should have spent a couple more minutes in Lou's Tavern knocking another pitcher back than post this crap. 

"Murder, crime, poverty -- these things don't concern me. What concerns me is celebrity magazines, television with five hundred channels....."

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:13 | 1051476 INT
INT's picture

The budgetary breakdown of a night of Sheen delivered the necessary levity.  It is prettu funny a guy can make probably >200M and have a resulting balance sheet like that! lol

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 17:14 | 1052086 Rainman
Rainman's picture

.....ex-wives just kick the shit out of these guys but the bright side is he has no need to save for an old age pension. 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 16:57 | 1051984 In Fed We Trust
In Fed We Trust's picture

 

What happens when you stick a atomic bomb down an oil well, deep down under the earth's surface?

Maybe an Earthquake?  Did that happen in Japan? I dont believe so, but I dont put it past the powers that be, to carry out such a mission.

I suspect we will see many earthquakes next year. 

Much more effective at thinning out the population, without them realizing the suitation, or taking your enemies by surprise.

 Earthquakes will be the weapon of choice in  the future.

 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 17:42 | 1052185 long-shorty
long-shorty's picture

That was pretty funny.

Sorry I called you a fucktard, Tyler.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:55 | 1051382 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture
Drugs $3,000 Hooker 1 $5,000 Hooker 2 $5,000 Hooker 3 $5,000 Hotel Room $2,000 Restaurant  $1,000    

Total

$21,000   getting on ZH ..........priceless

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 16:43 | 1051918 Freddie
Freddie's picture

+1

Kinda sad cause the guy is killing himself. He is starting to look like any meth head who does roofing work.

 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 17:24 | 1052119 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture

 ... or guitar work.

EddieVanHalen

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 17:30 | 1052142 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture

EddieVanHalen better days.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 17:17 | 1052099 I am more equal...
I am more equal than others's picture

I agree!

I'll predict he'll either be dead within two years or doing some shitty reality TV series about rehab or a 12-step program.  I'm leaning toward death but want him to live for the pure entertaiment value his pathetic life.  Sorry Charlie (wasn't that the catch line for a tuna commercial), no left nut for me. I wouldn't want fame or (mis)fortune.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:27 | 1050899 AN0NYM0US
AN0NYM0US's picture

" "

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:27 | 1050902 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

Charlie is proof that there is no such thing as a drug problem as long as you can afford it.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:08 | 1051139 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Exactly.  Affordability is the one key of a drug problem.  The other is functionality. if one has a daily drug usage pattern and can still make it to worl and be functional and productive, does that make it a problem? 

I wouldn't know, I don't make it to work anymore.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:21 | 1051205 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Maybe you can't call it a "drug problem," but he definitely has some sort of problem. The kind of problem that has to do with him being a complete asshole.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:27 | 1051242 nevadan
nevadan's picture

Charlie doesn't have a drug problem.  He gets fucked up.  He falls down.  No problem.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:29 | 1050903 The Axe
The Axe's picture

thats a LOT OF BLOW

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:48 | 1051347 SME MOFO
SME MOFO's picture

I might point out, because he still has 16 million left, that we have gotten to the desired solution of the equation.  Mr. Sheen has shown us just how much ENOUGH BLOW actually is.  Our calculations always fell short, i.e. there was never really enough blow, especially for your retarded cousin and that fat chick that nobody asked you to bring along anyway.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:35 | 1051574 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

+8ball

to SME for catching the important take-home message from all this nonsense.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:29 | 1050906 DaBernank
DaBernank's picture

Sheenis Envy FTW

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:28 | 1050907 farragut
farragut's picture

I don't think Charlie's gonna need a retirement fund; he won't make it that long.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:29 | 1050909 SwingForce
SwingForce's picture

Does that include the Mercedes that roll off his driveway into the canyon on a regular basis?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 19:14 | 1052531 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Charlie say somebody stole them and drove them over the cliff. I believe him.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:29 | 1050911 TWORIVER
TWORIVER's picture

They should use him to seal the reactors in Japan.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:31 | 1050923 Rastadamus
Rastadamus's picture

What an asshole.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:32 | 1050925 weinerdog43
weinerdog43's picture

Well, this is all well and good, but there's no mention of the Kardashians or Snookie!  I mean, come on.  If you want to compete with the Enquirer, Huffington Post or Drudge, you've got to go all in.  It's about Winning!

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:33 | 1051570 Widowmaker
Widowmaker's picture

Don't forget the fag talk, too.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:30 | 1050926 Racer
Racer's picture

And I haven't the foggiest idea who he is! Seriously....

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:33 | 1050930 notadouche
notadouche's picture

Whatever his tab is unfortunately it's oh soo much more than me as I don't even have a tab for that.  Let's see a tab for pussy and coke or for pull ups and music lessons?  What seems more right...Being a bit facetious here but really who cares.  Plus he may be smart in not worrying about saving for retirement. Actors like him work till their dead be it at 46 or 86.  The residuals he'll get for "Men" will keep him from starving.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:33 | 1050931 TradingJoe
TradingJoe's picture

One "Happy" MegaDouche!

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:33 | 1050938 scythian empire
scythian empire's picture

what wealth disparity

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:34 | 1050943 HonestJohn
HonestJohn's picture

is this Justice Beaver's friend?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:34 | 1050946 wagefreedom
wagefreedom's picture

excuse me, but spending 3k on drugs in an evening strikes me as an amount that would leave one supremely uninterested in ordering $1000 worth of food at a restauraunt.... well ok, it might have been just champagne...

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:26 | 1051533 INT
INT's picture

Way to break it down! Yes I agree, the ratios seem skewed.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:34 | 1050948 MarketTruth
MarketTruth's picture

What is truly perplexing is that, by your calculations,  he can handle only three hookers. Pffft!

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:36 | 1050956 greenbear
greenbear's picture

Never watched 2 1/2 men before but watched the very last episode last night.  What a stupid, sickening, perverted show. 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:06 | 1051126 RockyRacoon
RockyRacoon's picture

I've still never seen it and don't intend to.  I've seen some sound-bite scenes on the news, etc. and figured that any guy in a bowling shirt didn't need my immediate attention.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 16:12 | 1051749 tmosley
tmosley's picture

I liked the show, personally.

But not enough to actually care.  I hardly ever watch TV anymore.  

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 20:29 | 1052808 delacroix
delacroix's picture

all I have to say is " canned laughter"

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:36 | 1050957 InconvenientCou...
InconvenientCounterParty's picture

He's starting a hedge fund.

new media, streaming entertainment and uranium miners.

 

winning....

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:37 | 1050958 Sparrowhawk
Sparrowhawk's picture

You are numbing my mind....

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:37 | 1050959 ivana
ivana's picture

true american idol.
teeth falling off and parents re-adopted him... its sad but sooooo :D

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:38 | 1050960 oddjob
oddjob's picture

How much was Charlie's TARP take?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:38 | 1050965 linrom
linrom's picture

Zerohedge meet the Insider.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:47 | 1051017 AN0NYM0US
AN0NYM0US's picture

I assume you mean Zerohedge meet Business Insider

 

to that comment I say +1

Let's hope ZH's next article isn't titled

40 awesome mega-yachts

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:38 | 1050970 Fearless Rick
Fearless Rick's picture

I can't knock the guy. He's doing what he likes. I suggest people just leave him the hell alone. Thanks to the author for a nice break from the utterly depressing normal news of the days.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:39 | 1050973 jimijon
jimijon's picture

The news today on ZH is getting a bit more National Enquiresq 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:41 | 1050974 dick cheneys ghost
dick cheneys ghost's picture

will sheen replace uncle ben at the FED? america wants to know.....

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:57 | 1051078 notadouche
notadouche's picture

Would that make him throw whores out of helicopters?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:40 | 1050977 sangell
sangell's picture

He may have no equity in that Beverly Hills Mansion. Why don't you run that by Dr. Housing Bubble?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:44 | 1050994 Ruffcut
Ruffcut's picture

I find it a bit eerie to say the least.

TV's highest paid star, who I mind you is no fan of politicos, banksters and general media bullshitting, is going freak out.

"Here America! Don't freak out!. Look how stoopid you might look! We can rob you blind and ruin your world, so stay safe and watch the one eyed box."

Sure, I should not give a shit about some spoiled, out of control, piss bag, but somehow I actually feel proud that I have not gone ape shit. Well, at least, as of yet.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:43 | 1051001 Idiot Savant
Idiot Savant's picture

One star, since I can't find the junk button.

Besides, the author is missing Charlie's biggest liabilities - crotch fruit! It's the child support payments that will suck him dry. Talk about diminishing returns...

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:45 | 1051002 Convolved Man
Convolved Man's picture

Can I short his longevity index?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:46 | 1051004 Robert-Paulson
Robert-Paulson's picture

WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:46 | 1051006 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

One or two coke fueled triple hooker crown "parties" and that home and furnishings would look like Beriut.  Rent A Center charges like a MF for damaged goods.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:48 | 1051025 AN0NYM0US
AN0NYM0US's picture

the problem with RAC is the bedbug thing

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:45 | 1051008 sawyer
sawyer's picture

Dude you really believe all his assets are in the U.S. and declared? 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:55 | 1051056 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

You really believe that he still has assets?  All this guy has ever done is suck, fuck, run amouk.  He's a 40 something 13 year old with money to burn, and he's running through money like shit through a goose.  No governor to control top end, no sputter box to limit revs... he's a mobile earthquake of drunken excess, the likes that haven't been seen since the last of the Roman Emperors.

I get a sick sense of schadenfrude (sp?) watching him self immolate, too.  But then I'm not a great man, and small are my comforts.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:46 | 1051016 Village Idiot
Village Idiot's picture

sheendream.com

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:48 | 1051019 duo
duo's picture

$5.6 million for a watch collection?  That's a productive use of capital.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:00 | 1051406 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

it consists of 4.7 million casio's he bought at a kiosk at the mall

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:47 | 1051022 bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

I have the best money manager in the business...Lenny D

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:49 | 1051027 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture

Is this TMZH? WTF!

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:48 | 1051028 mtomato2
mtomato2's picture

I disagree with those of you who disparage the purpose or relevance of this article.  It is the FIRST C.S. article I have read since this idiotic debacle began to un (-fold?, -ravel?, -wind?)  Mainly because I don't give a rat's ass about Sheen or anybody else in Hollywood.  So when it showed up on Z.H., I knew that the MSM hadn't gotten their smelly little hands on it and it would be actual news and commentary. 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:51 | 1051033 gwar5
gwar5's picture

How much does Charlie pay for coke and hookers?

I definitely must not be from Hollywood --- I wasn't aware that if you bought the coke you had to pay for hookers too. Where I come from they just start falling out of trees.

 

 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:25 | 1051222 Kobe Beef
Kobe Beef's picture

hahaha

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:50 | 1051039 Captain Willard
Captain Willard's picture

As Manchester United's late, great George Best said:

"I spent 90% of my money on booze, fast cars and women. The rest - I blew".

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:50 | 1051040 JackES
JackES's picture

can we sue Japs for radiation?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:53 | 1051050 Vernon Maxwell
Vernon Maxwell's picture

My, how the mighty have fallen. I want my zerohedge.blogspot.com back.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:56 | 1051064 FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

I know where he can get the hookers for less if that'd help.

Just doing my best to improve life on the planet.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 13:56 | 1051069 Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden's picture

Once again, for EVERY FATALIST OUT THERE who apparently has a problem with reading the first line of a post, here it is again:

"After a weekend full of sad news, here is some afternoon levity"

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:04 | 1051110 velobabe
velobabe's picture

tyler, it was obvious to me that this author has never been through a divorce. men always lie to their x wives.it is complicated, these liability and assets columns can be fudged, just like he does to his hookers.

gee, i thought he meant coke cola.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:04 | 1051123 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

HAHAHA.  I laugh because most of the people I know in this world read the headlines and skip the content. Only in the world of ZH would the opposite be the norm rather than the exception.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:41 | 1051604 trav7777
trav7777's picture

I WILL NOT BE ENTERTAINED

lol

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:04 | 1051108 tmosley
tmosley's picture

The answer to the title: clearly not enough.  

Charlie Sheen needs to get paid more so he can stimulate the economy.  Maybe he could become TBTF himself?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:03 | 1051116 velobabe
velobabe's picture

Charlie Sheen needs to get paid more so he can stimulate his who who†

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:54 | 1051375 SME MOFO
SME MOFO's picture

+ 3some

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:14 | 1051470 sdmjake
sdmjake's picture

Actually the answer is:

"Enough to kill 2 and a half men" 

bwahahaha

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 16:17 | 1051727 Bob Sponge
Bob Sponge's picture

LOL...Imagine if Charlie had a party and Keith Moon, Bon Scott and John Belushi showed up?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:06 | 1051127 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

"Cocaine is a hell of a drug."

-- Rick James

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:06 | 1051128 Algoture
Algoture's picture

you have some time to loose boy ... 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:06 | 1051131 RobotTrader
RobotTrader's picture

Tyler::

Heh, love this article....

Great news.  Financial speculators are always interested in:

- How much movie stars are worth

- Whether or not they are invested in stocks, private equity, etc.

- How much cash do they really have?

- How much in hoc are these guys in with bank lenders, giant mortgages

I'm shocked at how puny his financial statement is, given how much money he makes.

Rumor is that he's paying $1 million/month in alimony....

LOL....

 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:09 | 1051150 b_thunder
b_thunder's picture

R U sure that the "missing" $50million is not "parked" in an underground vault of one of the lesser-known swiss private banks....  and most of it is in gold bars and junk silver coins....?

when a man goes through a divorce, wouldn't he try to hide as many assets as possible?

 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:31 | 1051263 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

My thoughts exactly.  I was thinking that I'm either going to buy Charlie Sheen once TSHTF or he's going to be buying a LOT of hookers and blow.

That's once advantage of gold that a lot of people overlook.  Once you have it, it's money no longer on the books.

Fuck the IRS and ex-wives.

I am Chumbawamba.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:42 | 1051307 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

You're a dick but for once we're in complete agreement. +1

Fuck the IRS and exes.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:52 | 1051650 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

I'm sorry.  Next time I'll use lube.  I promise.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 16:30 | 1051842 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

Save it for your ex.  

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 18:31 | 1052396 velobabe
velobabe's picture

fuck ex-wives. why in the heck would you want to refuck your ex-wife chumba?

oh that is right, you get your wife and your mistress to give you both head, or blowjob or whatever one calls that particular act of sucking a man's penis. i know i will never receive an answer to my perpetual question of: why do they call it a blow job? when really you aren't at all blowing into the penis you are sucking, that is what i use to do, s u c k, not blow† i know how to blow cause i use to blow glass. yes, you literally have to blow down your pipe to inflate the glass bubble out. now i don't think that is what a man wants his penis to do, inflate out. just sayin'

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:11 | 1051163 John McCloy
John McCloy's picture

Speaking of Charlie Sheen here is the greatest remix song ever made on Youtube starring the "Rock Star From Mars"

Songify This - Winning - a Song by Charlie Sheen

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:22 | 1051514 PhD
PhD's picture

That was fantastic!

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:25 | 1051166 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

Sheen deemed too unstable for reality T.V.  I guess that rules out Dancing With the Stars, too?  Can't you just see him with cigarette dangling from lips, trail of smoke following he and partner around the floor..  lmao!

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:13 | 1051168 tahoebumsmith
tahoebumsmith's picture

Mark that 90210 zip code realestate number to market and he just lost another 3.6 million in a nano second. That is unless he has a mortgage with BOA? If that is the case he probably just became a little wealthier. hahaha

http://www.doctorhousingbubble.com/

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:15 | 1051177 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

What is a $6M watch collection (at cost) worth down at Ed's Pawn?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:30 | 1051259 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

A box of pop-tarts, 4 previously used underwear, and a commemorative bust of Elvis Presley w/ accompanying certificate of authenticity from the Franklin Mint.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:21 | 1051201 John McCloy
John McCloy's picture

Sheen is about to make more money than ever has in his entire life if he plays his cards right. His speaking tour sold out in 13 minutes. If he gives too much too soon people will get saturated with Sheen and that's no good. 

  As much as I hate reality shows he is in a never before seen position to launch a reality show that pays him what he did or exceeds for "2 and a half men"

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:48 | 1051638 smithcreek
smithcreek's picture

Right, because Sheen's Korner proved that he's really entertaining and humorous without someone else writing his lines, telling him how to deliver them and editing into something for tv audiences.  If he was smart he would sell tickets to several hundred shows before the reviews for the first ones hit the papers.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:28 | 1051241 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

What's the over/under on his 100 million dollar lawsuit against CBS?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:37 | 1051292 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

5 kids. Figure 40% child support right there. Also he is overpaying hookers big time.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 16:06 | 1051696 Bob
Bob's picture

Bingo on the child support. 

And folks seem to have no idea how much coke three coke heads can snort in a 24 hour period--especially coke heads who are used to having all they want.  $10k would probably be more accurate.  I'm sure he made sure to not run out.  Lessee, how many ounces, no, pounds, would a briefcase hold?  A bunch more than $3k.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:43 | 1051320 camoes
camoes's picture

BIWINNING BITCHEZ!!!

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:44 | 1051329 MachoMan
MachoMan's picture

If he wants to piss money away, he can give it to me...  I'll gladly spend it on farm land or starting a business...  but I'm not going to fuck him for it or even pretend to like hanging out with his wigged out ass.  Hell, if he gave me a couple mil, I could keep it in a bank account for him, charging him only 1% and he'd still be ahead.  I think a lot of Mr. Sheen's money handling abilities are why the NFL players are at odds with their team owners...

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 14:59 | 1051407 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

ex-wives took a chunk, he's paying way too much for hookers, the guy can get hot ass on his own, really don't understand the hooker thing

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 16:49 | 1051951 SME MOFO
SME MOFO's picture

you don't pay hookers to come over, you pay them to go away

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 17:59 | 1052278 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

nonsense, who can't ditch a chick?  or what woman can't ditch a guy?  and he has a porn star and some other artist woman living with him, like i said, doesn't make any sense

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:00 | 1051410 TheGoodDoctor
TheGoodDoctor's picture

Yeah but how much GDP does his coke and hooker purchases create? We may need QEIII just based on him going sober. My God has anyone thought of this? :p

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:06 | 1051436 Fíréan
Fíréan's picture

Save this for the national enquirer !

waste of bandwidth here, and degrades the "standards" of this blog.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 20:14 | 1052749 Missing_Link
Missing_Link's picture

+1

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:07 | 1051441 Alex Kintner
Alex Kintner's picture

The gawdesses will take of Bud Fox when the money runs dry.

Tigrblood bitchez.

 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:12 | 1051467 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Without pictures of the $5000 hookers I'm unable to come to any conclusions about this article.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 16:00 | 1051701 Can2001
Can2001's picture

yes , its worthless without pictures. ;0).....let him live his life. For me, he is more symphatic than 99% poeple in this stupid world. The statement on his producer was priceless. I wish him that he can burn the last 100k on 2 Hookers and some blabla before

 he can r.i.p lucky . ( dont forget the offshore acc's. outside this receipt;o)) .

 

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 15:58 | 1051684 AmazingLarry
Mon, 03/14/2011 - 16:04 | 1051714 Elmer Fudd
Elmer Fudd's picture

Hookers dont save money, they are great for GDP

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 16:11 | 1051746 massergy
massergy's picture

The figures in this report are inaccurate. L.A. escort services have been on the "rent two--get one free" system for years. Also, they don't require much food and often bring their own supply of coke.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 16:27 | 1051795 ATG
ATG's picture

Oh no, not ZH too

How many Americans have never done drugs? Hint: Prescriptions count

So how could CS pass at least 4 drug tests given by various media including ABC?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 16:31 | 1051854 Mad Mad Woman
Mad Mad Woman's picture

Who the fuck cares??

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 17:05 | 1052047 Debtless
Debtless's picture

$5,000 for each of 3 hookers. Shouldn't he get the group rate by now?

And are these numbers including the tips?

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 17:27 | 1052128 thewhitelion
thewhitelion's picture

Can't we use this to our advantage?  How about this scenario?  Charlie takes Bernanke's place, with the understanding that the U.S. taxpayers pick up all hooker/cocaine expenses, but he cannot fund further bailouts or QE.  Sounds like a bargain from here.  At least half the money goes for something worthwhile.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 17:33 | 1052151 Deathtöngue
Deathtöngue's picture

If you've got tens of millions of dollars, why NOT spend it on sexy hookers and tasty, tasty coke?

Y'all want him to spend the money on mosquito nets for starving African children?

When I'm a millionaire you can damn well bet I'll be spending my money... but on Ukrainian hookers and ecstasy, not LA hookers and coke.

Stupid fucking Americans. "Tut tut, a celebrity is violating our supposed morality. Let's televise ignorant commentary on the topic, to stimulate constant outrage." Should ship you all off to the Congo for a few years of war crimes and forced rape by militias. That'll get your priorities straight.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 18:19 | 1052342 Djirk
Djirk's picture

agreed, relax people have some fun, Nero played the violin when rome was burning.

Like to see a mark to market on this BS. Note that is his watch collection is his biggest asset after his house. How many of those slipped off his wrist and into strippers purses

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 18:33 | 1052400 macholatte
macholatte's picture

Charlie Sheen’s epic meltdown has dominated America’s asinine media conversation for the past few weeks.

 

Exactly.... so why is it here?

 

I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, 'I can't process it' well, no, you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?
Charlie Sheen
Mon, 03/14/2011 - 18:39 | 1052419 velobabe
velobabe's picture

i never understand the coke phenomenon. really since the early 70's everybody, well mostly men did coke. i found the males that did coke, really couldn't get it up very well. even the dogs found somebody coke stash, a lot, and bought it home to me. wasn't very interested in it. now quaaludes are a different story. get the chick on ludes and the man on coke, you might have a winner. plus it makes your mouth all weird or your gums or teeth numb.

Mon, 03/14/2011 - 19:41 | 1052633 trendybull459
trendybull459's picture

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Mon, 03/14/2011 - 20:13 | 1052747 Missing_Link
Missing_Link's picture

I don't want to see a GODDAMNED THING about Charlie Sheen until the Japan situation is over and done with.

Priorities!!!

Tue, 03/15/2011 - 00:01 | 1053899 banksterhater
banksterhater's picture

His Godesesses say he has $380 mil in the bank, I say he can use it however he wants, and I hear he's generous to them, not a cheap asshole like Tiger. He "flies around with two smokin Hotties..." in style.

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