This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.
Guest Post: White House, Republicans Offer Bloggers $100K Each in Compromise Deal
Submitted by Charles Hugh Smith from Of Two Minds
White House, Republicans Offer Bloggers $100K Each in Compromise Deal
A little-known program to aid the economy by distributing money to bloggers is gathering support in the White House and Congress.
In the bruising fight to see which party can give away more borrowed money, Republicans and the Obama administration hammered out a compromise on the White House plan to pay "qualified" bloggers $100 per post, up to $100,000 each.
The Obama administration had originally included income limits in its "Web Entrepreneur Program" (WEP) legislation, but Republicans forced the White House to drop the stipulations which would have limited payments to bloggers who earned more than $250,000 annually.
"It's precisely the millionaire bloggers who are most likely to give unemployed workers jobs," said a Republican Caucus spokesman. When informed that only pornography stars and politicians qualified as "millionaire bloggers," the spokesman noted that "pornography and politics are two growth industries, and we don't think the nation can be too picky about where the jobs are coming from."
The Web Entrepreneur Program defines "qualified bloggers" as those writers who have posted a minimum of 250 "substantive" posts, described as "any blog post with a minimum of 400 words of original content." Excerpts from other previously published media and blogosphere sources will not be counted as "original content." Each qualified post will earn a Federal payment of $100, with an upper limit of $100,000 per blogger. Bloggers with multiple avatars will only be able to claim $100,000, regardless of the number of their online personalities.
The Administration has budgeted $50 million to establish a new Executive Branch agency to monitor the Web Entrepreneur Program; the new agency is tentatively titled "Office for the Promotion of Web Entrepreneurism" (OPWE). The new agency is currently seeking Class A office space in Northwest Washington D.C.
Sources indicate that the giveaway to bloggers was a coup for the Democrats, who had temporarily run out of giveaway ideas. "Since the vast majority of bloggers are more or less unemployed, and probably not qualified for the 13-month unemployment extension, then we figured this was a way to build support within the online media community," a Democratic spokeswoman said.
Disturbed that the current frenzy of new Federal largesse had not yet reached $900 billlion, the Democratic leadership was reportedly desperate to find more groups which it could shower with borrowed Federal funds. A source who spoke off the record said that "the power players were frantic to find new giveaways, because the Republicans seemed to be catching up and were poised to give away more than we were. We wanted to give away at least $1 trillion for starters, with a target of $3 trillion."
Republicans, stung by their failure to match Democratic plans to distribute more borrowed money, sought to exploit the blogger program's income limitation issue. A Republican media release claimed that "The country needs more millionaire bloggers, especially those earning $10 million a year" and that the more money which can be borrowed from our children and grandchildren to give to the superwealthy now, the better off the nation's economy will be.
Bloggers who found themselves a few posts short of the magic 250 qualification number were busily posting entries, many apparently typed verbatim from old phone books and dictionaries. Many former bloggers who had given up the largely thankless project of posting hundreds of rarely-read entries were bemoaning their lack of discipline in online forums. "I knew there would be a payoff, eventually," one wrote. "Why didn't somebody force me to keep my blog current?"
The total number of bloggers who qualify for the full $100,000 payment is unknown, but blogosphere sector analysts expect the number will be smaller than many expect, as an estimated 99% of blogs have either been abandoned or are rarely updated. Of those few, many will be disqualified as few of the posts will meet the "original content" standards.
At least one analyst remarked that "the budget for the new agency is $50 million, but I would be surprised if more than $10 million is distributed to bloggers."
At least one blogger is delighted with the prospect of a $100,000 windfall. Melvin Batguano has methodically posted six days a week for the past five years, racking up 1,561 posts to date. Mr. Batguano has detailed his daily dietary intake on his blog, listing the ingredients of each meal and the calories of each ingredient as well as its state or nation of origin, and a brief review of each meal's highlights and deficiencies. Relieved that he didn't seek to limit the length of his daily logs, Batguano noted that his average post easily exceeds the 400-word limit. "Imagine if I'd decided to keep each post to 395 words. Boy howdy, now that would have have really given me a set-to."
A blogger known online as MartyrsHaveMoreFun, who has posted over 1,000 entries as part of his project to document obscure martyrs of the world's main religions, feels that the $100,000 limit is unfair and arbitrary. "Mediocre ballplayers and Wall Street crooks rake in millions a year, and the Government wants to scrimp on those of us trying to educate the masses? It's wrong. That's why this country is going to the dogs--no respect for education."
Worried Republicans are mulling an offer to give away borrowed Federal dollars to Facebook users. A source who spoke off-record observed that "the potential audience is huge, and that would top the Democrats' giveaway to bloggers."
An operative who has worked both sides of the aisle opined that the party which borrowed and distributed the most money would win the White House in 2012. "The battle is on," he said, "and each party is desperate not to get caught short in the giveaway race. Deficits, who cares? That's just for show. The leadership of both parties is confident we can borrow another $10 trillion, $20 trillion, no problem. The main thing is getting elected in 2012."
Though I sincerely wish the above was true and that I was about to receive a check for $100,000, sadly it is only a parody.
»
- 10038 reads
- Printer-friendly version
- Send to friend
- advertisements -
Is it bad that I actually believed this?
I doubt you're alone. It had me for a few seconds.
Me too. I was already planning on how to ruin it for everyone.
Can someone help me get this HOOK out of my lip?
As a professional blogger, I was originally going to work for the Republicans, but felt uncomfortable when I found out that all award dinners were held at the men's room, terminal 4, LAX.
Plus, as a Republican blogger, I was given a very small range of topics to write about. Here is a copy/paste from the pamphlet of the Office of Republican Bloggers, entitled Keeping Conservatism Alive In America:
When possible please try to focus on the following conservative topics
1 Cutting Taxes while Increasing Spending: The Road to Prosperity
2. Sodomy, and how it affects weather patterns in the Gulf of Mexico
3. How Outsourcing Labor can increase your Christmas bonus
4. Country Clubs in the midwest with the strictest "No Negroes" policy
5. How to discipline a negro when your shoes aren't polished correctly
6. Guns, God, Cans, Coins: The New Right in America
7. How to smoke meth with male prostitutes after church and not get caught
8. No, Fido, No! Keeping Fido away from the canned hams buried under the porch
9. The Benefits of Plutocracy
10. Pissing on the poor: How Trickle Down Economics secures the Great Wealth Divide
11. Bad Ass Confederate Flag Stencil Kits for your Camaro
12. Fear, Disinformation, Faux News: Keeping the Right Alive after the Bush abomination
13. The White House: It was painted White for a reason
14. Using social issues to distract from unpopular fiscal issues
15. Public Relation problems when invading the wrong country
16. God, and how American conservatives figured Him out
17. Don't be Racist. Just call him Hitler or Mao, instead - It'll make you seem educated.
18 Gunsmoke in America: That's what I'm talking about!
19. Lessons from Katrina: How to deal with needy Negroes.
20. Palin, Bud Light and Clydesdales: Marketing strategies that (almost) work
Now the podium is as empty as the suit. Must suck to be you.
I suppose someone with a microscopic dick would envy the Clydesdales. Paranoid schizophrenia is a many splintered thing.
You should consider joining Parasites-R-Us. I hear they have a 12 step program.
That was a serious attempt at humor, Red Neck. Too bad you didn't pull it off. I think you had too many bullets. Your audience probably wanted 2 or 3 good chuckles and then the punchline. 20 bullets means you lost focus.
All in all, I'd rate it a good first effort, even though I didn't understand what point you were trying to make.
Usually RNR's posts just try to rile people up. It's humorous, but so subtle that people think he's actually speaking his opinion. This was straight-forward humor, and therefore I appreciated it much more. Some were more funny then others.
RNR, this sort of humor, whether it works or not, is much better (IMHO) then the typical performance art that you send out.
Cheers.
Agreed.
There is a difference between humor and character assassination, but the Al Franken crowd will probably never get that.
trader
give RNR the 100 bucks- I liked it. Now let him impail the Dems.
Mind you, not everybody is gifted with a bowlfish's attention.
Recently released as the "F" rebranding plugs of the Repubs:
Family, Faith, Flag. with some fraud and fear and fecklessness thrown in.
Hopefully they become the party of Fuck No!
An F you can believe in.
The Huffington Post called, they want to sue for copyright infringement
Where is the sense of humor? Parody within parody. This is your best post by far.
Yeah, the problem is DC has set the bar for idiocy so high that the initial reaction was it seemed almost plausible. No worse than some of the farm subsidies in the past/present.
Kinda sad that you bought it--but, I have been wondering how much Hairy Wanger gets paid per post for some time.
Harry displays the emotional sterility and consistency of either a sociopath or a trained psyops agent. Take your pick, they both follow paths that end deep within the black abyss.
+1
He's probably a suffobator--that's a guy who suffocates himself while masturbating.
Google that, you won't find it. That's because I just coined it.
Oh yeah.
I am Chumbawamba.
Good to see your still around. Welcome back.
Dude, where've you been?
Chillin' & learnin' & observin' & waiting.
Dude, I was just getting ready to post this on Facebook with the standard "WTF?" byline... Somewhere out there, somebody has a bridge to sell me...
All right, quit jerkin' my chain! :>D
as screwy as everything, especially the political "leadership", is becoming on a micro second basis, why wouldn't we bite on this just a wee bit.
PLEASE...don't give them anymore dumb ideas!
I thought the article was either 100% true or written by the Onion LOL
Me...me....pick me. I want my piece of the American blogger dream.
Someone owes me money for reading this!!! Drat!
Youse is going to toe da party line, ain't youse.
Hell, If the Democrats have run out of people to give money to, I hope they pick people with dumba$$ user names next!
Mememeemememeememem
I pickup 53Mil in cash every month or so, 100K that's just infidel wages.
suckas
Well I'll be Dad gummed and dog bloobed. Let's hook this mofo to a Robo-signer and we got ourselves a business plan.
Anecdotal, but small business just hit another air pocket in my corner of the world. Christmas hiring didn't happen, and guys are going down who I thought were solid. One is really strange. His crew does mostly industrial electrical and HVAC work for fast food chains. Deferred maintenance on that stuff is a no no. Bad shit happens, but he has no work. Everyone seems to be going really short term, hoard the cash, and full retard. I don't know how this plays out, but in won't be pretty.
I have a small Biz and did a informal non scientific "How's Biz" survey to a number of small biz owners in my little part of the world. A sample of the responses: "Biz? WTF is that? " "Are you trying to fuck with me, asshole, don't write me again".
So the consensus pretty much is 2011 is the year of the car. That's where we small business owners sell off the last that we have and move into our cars.
You still have a car? Now you are just bragging. At least my refrigerator box is bigger than a nano.
ok, that was funny, in a sardonic sort of way....:)
Did ya get the deluxe model with the double-sash, double-layer, dry cleaner bag windoze?? :>D
Thank you for your post Dburn, I always like to hear from other small biz owners here, seems so few of us left. I am hanging by my fingernails (engineering services, products, mostly).
Most of my clients are small biz people. I have been hearing the same thing for 2 years now. No one is spending money unnecessarily, if not outright downsizing or liquidating. I have been fortunate, I am still doing ok, but I definitely don't follow a "mainstream" biz plan. If not for that, I would be gone already.
I am in a major downsizing mode, with assets, not my few, very valuable employees. Selling off anything I don't need, reinvesting in PMs, not the biz. I wake up with new gray hairs and wrinkles everyday from worry.
Still see nothing in any of the policies being put forth that will help me, my clients or my employees.
Had to laugh about "year of the car". One of my colleagues went to replace a company car that finally died of old age. Found the perfect replacement at a dealer. 23 banks and credit unions turned down the loan ($8K, $1500 down). All refused to make loan to the "biz". Ended up having to take the loan in his personal name, dealer had to lower price by 2k before bank would give loan. Dealer took a loss on the sale, just to get the loan through.
Everything is pretty fucked for us small and mom and pop bizzes. This country is fucked.
PS-I almost believed this article at first too.
I noticed a going out of business sale 2 weeks ago at a mattress/appliance store and decided to stop in. When I asked what the reason for closing their doors, the employee said that the banks pulled their credit because "they don't believe in consumer appliances anymore". It feels to me like a second wave of business closings is just starting to build speed.
I don't need to survey, the last 2 months have been a deluge of service cancellations, service downsizing, contract breaking, long time customers trying to find ways to cut COB...everyone is hurting bigtime it seems...I have a bad, bad feeling about after the new year if the last couple months are any trend indicator...
Agreed tomdub, I think things will be harrowing after the new year. Best of luck to you all.
Seen same thing re: cancellations, cutbacks, slower pays, long time customers. Nobody seems to have any moolah except gov and Wall Street.
November Off 30% year over year for me.
ouch...hang in there, man...
I find it hard to believe this is NOT true!
Nothing is funny without an element of truth.
They got me. I was getting ready to write my congressman. It would not suprise me in the least if it is actually in a bill somewhere though. That is what Soros is doing with his "State Internship program" for NPR.
I will be happy to copy and paste this post x 1000.
Once, there was this holiday called 'April Fool's Day,' and it was expected that... nevermind. Farce-ism rising...and I have the feeling that we ain't seen nothin' yet.
i can finally throw away my 'Will Blog for FRNs' sign
I wonder how much Harry Wanger receives for each post?
The theater of the absurd. Awesome.
I was had. Was about ready to move back to Ummmmerica. I can create 400 word posts jest like that. See, watch, I'll take this to 400 with nary a hiccup. In fact, I was once a semi-finalist in a university competition on who could talk for a 1 minute, non-stop, never repeat a word and make sense about a given topic at the same time. In fact, many of you who have read me here, probably believe that, right?
I'll get the local Karnataka government to buy this. If Zero-Hedge says it, it must be happening. ANd I'll have myself nominated as the head of the iWEP.
Tyler, I'll sponsor your inverse I1C visa. You can string together 400 word posts written by other people better than anyone I know.
There. My first $100. ;-)
ORI
http://aadivaahan.wordpress.com/2010/11/24/wisdom-for-warriors-5/
Tyler can write a 400 word INSULT.
Government subsidized journalism.
What's wrong with that?
OK, it's a parody, but it would explain a lot about Harry Wanger.
I had no problem believing this one, unfortunately
+1 And a good means to illustrate how wayward we've gone.
Where do I sign up and get the approved scripts?
As a Republican, this is a stunt. Don't set a bounty on a plan from bloggers views. Your an a employee representing the people of United States of America.
If your that incompetent, step down from office. We will save money rather than spend more money. Lastly, answer your fucking phone and read the email and faxes your public employer sends you.
Your mask of democracy is tainted. We are laughing at you RINOS
I actually have bogged for money and still do. Generally, I make $10 - $20 per post, and they usually take me all of ten minutes to write (I'm a writer by trade and am versed in a wide variety of disciplines). I could make $100 a day, but I have other streams of income, so I may only do one or two a week. I've sold blogging for money on ebay and by email to niche websites. $10-20 isn't much to pay for a good word and some links. The internet is where the money is at. Ask just about any webmaster who's been at it for more than 3 years. It's a whole different economy.
So, I knew this was a joke from about the second paragraph, but, making $100 a day blogging is possible. I know a few people who do it and they're not working 16 hour days. More like 4. Hours.
I really did believe this article for a bit.
That is quite a frightening thing.
i blog all the time, where's my money? yours truly, Assange.
i saw the title and had to check to make sure it wasn't April
I read it directly off CHS's site, then came here to see if TD caught it, which of course he did hours before me.
I admit I was suckered into the article for a few paragraphs, but got a clue it was a spoof when the nameless official who cited pornography and politics as growth industries failed to mention the release of the new iJack -- in blue, red and sepia -- which would have netted him a handsome contribution.
But it was the author's use of the obviously made-up name *Melvin Batguano* that got me laughing at myself and the premise. Everyone knows the name "Melvin" is anachronistic, just too uh-hip a name for a real blogger.
Sounds to me like their trying to control the internet blogs by buying them. Hard to turn of the faucet by biting the hand that feeds you
Only at
"Sources indicate that the giveaway to bloggers was a coup for the Democrats, who had temporarily run out of giveaway ideas."
did I realize it had to be a joke...
This is frightening - if I read "political compromise" I almost expect limitless craziness now.
And bridges to somewhere unimportant, expansion and reconstruction of the doodling history museum of greater podunk county, and development, construction and staffing of the Pork Center for the Study of Frivolous Congressional Spending are not "limitless craziness"?
Seems to me there are plenty of giveaway ideas. http://endingspending.com/downloads/highlights120710.pdf
Who'd have thought that CHS's home state would be #1 in per capita earmarks?
No wonder the economy of North Dakota is booming, beyond the oil extraction boom.
Earmarks Map – 2010 Approved: http://endingspending.com/map-2011/map/I'm holding out for ten cents a word.
And me, I was curling inward, feeling helpless, again. First disbelief, then anger, then "oh shit, been down this road before", then "what can I do?" then resignation, sadness, and numbing out before I started to question it at the porn thing, decide it was real again, repeat cycle. Each outrageous statement, I paused, doubted, then became resigned it was real. I stopped reading at "Republicans, stung by...." and had to read it was a joke. Thanks to matthylland for owning you got owned.
FUUUUCK!
Ms, a serious question: 'when and why have we become so, <I don't know what>, where we list our emotions in response to a situation.
not pickin' and just trying to understand.
- Ned
(and yes, I'm trying to get a little bit older, one day at a time, maybe I'll be so tough that I can take that Rusty guy up on his invite to his smokin' house ;-)
Hey Sweet Meat,
Very civilized way of asking. Thanks. I think it is an attempt at an examination of process. How is it that we are captured here? I watched my own process where I was "buying it" because I am so used to the dishonesty. Inured to the dishonesty. This is how they are getting away with it, at least that is what I suspect. I put it out there to see if this is what it is like for others, or if the process is different. There is a part of me that reacts (acting subject, present, in the here and now). There is a part of me that watches my own and others reactions (self as object, not being, but a reflected on role or process). Self as acting subject, self as object. All of us have the capacity to both react, and then watch the reaction. We don't have to be enslaved to the knee jerk if we can see it. We can stop it and choose something else. But first is understanding.
Action, reaction, redaction, retraction, detraction, infraction, inaction, defraction, attraction, interaction, faction, action.
It's a poem of a cycle.
It was inspired by and is for you, MsCreant :)
I am Chumbawamba.
What a lovely rose I found on my path this morning. So glad to know Chumbawamba was here and said said Hi.
Thank you.
You had me going for awhile. I thought they were trying to bribe dissidents. Sad that things have gotten so bad that nothing strains credulity anymore.
It is amazing that this post had me salivating about my new a career as an undercover, millionaire blogger ... I am now crest fallen as I now will have to continue my career simply as a millionaire.
Franz Kafka never could have dreamed up the world we are in.
The criminals reward themselves with bonuses for the brilliant simplicity of their crimes- JUST TAKE IT ! (sorry Dex).
The Politicos run on Change, then give you the same old shit.
Turn them upside down and Dems and Repos are all the same.
We are NOT printing money, says Ben (printing press churning in the back ground)
I am 100% certain (not 99%, not 99.9%, not even 99.999%). Yes, Virginia, it really is a purple lollypop.
We are all victims of the Ponzi. We Want To Believe. We Want To Believe Our Leaders Have a Clue.
Now, can you send that $100 by PayPal. Oh, shit... they closed my account....
June 16, 2008
The Associated Press wants to charge you $12.50 to quote five words from themPosted by Patrick at 03:05 PM http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/010341.html
Do you remember this event?
This is why I sometimes lose hope for America. Another government office. Another round of useless giveaways.
okay I am so busted. I didn't see that last line, but I refuse to edit my post. good one. You put one over the dickus.
I wouldn't laugh too hard. I bet there's a pay voucher for this very thing buried somewhere in one or more of the "intelligence" agencies. It's only a matter of time before a dipshit politican gets word of it and creates a Department of Patriot Bloggers.
It's scary times when you have to read the full article to figure out what is fact and what is parody. The fools in Washington have proven there are no bounds to their idiocy.
Go long Stupidity Futures (ticker: STDFU), sensei!
This is no joke. This is exactly what they did with the White House office of Faith-Based Initiatives in a recent executive order. They told these churches and local agencies that if they accept money they can no longer profess ther faith to their clients. This parody is exactly how it will go down unless they are able to kill the internet entirely with the Verizon-Google-Waxman plan. Slowly cook the frog... get people used to the money and then cut them off at the knees.
Dave Harrison
www.tradewithdave.com
Here's the link to the faith-based destruction: http://tradewithdave.com/?p=3560
Here's the Verizon-Google-Waxman post: http://tradewithdave.com/?p=2429
in the real world, this is called media matters/huffpo
Anyone interested in a slightly philosophical take on the emergence, collapse and reorganization of the complex global financial system, check this series out:
"The Debt-Dollar Discipline: Part I - Financial Discipline & Punish" - http://peakcomplexity.blogspot.com/2010/12/debt-dollar-discpline-part-i-...
Part II - Conservation & Release - http://peakcomplexity.blogspot.com/2010/12/debt-dollar-discipline-part-i...
Part III will be out shortly...
Soros is already doing a pretty good job of re-distributing US taxpayer money to bloggers he likes
So are we about to see a expansion of replies to a average length of 400+ words on Zero Hedge while we all grind away mining posts towards 100,000 dollars?
No thanks.
This would be the ideal way to find those anonymous bloggers that fill zhe interwebs with all the 'hate'. Exactly what the US government wants, right?
That too.
I feel like a fish hiding near slow water watching the hook with the food I would like to have very much.
Must. Stay. Away. From. Hook.
Sadly many wont.