Helicopter Ben Step Aside, Meet Enola Gay Abdullah: Whorism Goes Global

Tyler Durden's picture

And so the scramble to buy people's love and undying affection moves beyond the Casual Encounters section on Craigslist. After Helicopter Ben and Teleprompter Barack came up with the brilliant plan to give $2,000 to every underwater homeowner, Saudi Arabia blows everyone out of the water with the biggest social whoring attempt to date. "King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia announced financial support measures, worth an estimated SR135bn ($36bn), in a bid to avert the kind of popular unrest that has toppled leaders across the region and is now closing in on Libya’s Muammer Gaddafi. The measures include a 15 per cent salary rise for public employees to offset inflation, reprieves for imprisoned debtors, and financial aid for students and the unemployed." Unfortunately for Saudi, Bahrain tried this and failed. Also, once you start down this path, there is no turning back, as people demand more and more. Just how many printing presses does Saudi Arabia have? At least we now know that the political system that follows capitalism after its violent end is always and everywhere whorism, in those brief moments before total anarchy takes over and the inevitable systemic reset button is finally pushed.

From the FT:

Saudi Arabia’s ruling family has thus far been spared the type of popular discontent that has toppled presidents in Tunisia and Egypt and brought Libya to the brink of civil war.

The announcement of the Saudi relief measures coincided with King Abdullah’s return to the country after three months. He had been abroad for medical treatment. Among those on hand to greet him was King Hamid bin Isa al-Khalifa of neighbouring Bahrain, which is struggling to contain a surging opposition movement.

The cash-rich Saudi government has pledged to spend $400bn by the end of 2014 to improve education, infrastructure and healthcare. “The king is trying to create wider trickle- down of wealth in the shape of social welfare,’’ said John Sfakianakis, chief economist at Banque Saudi Fransi. “The budget can handle that, but it is an aspirin to ease medium-term pain, not a solution for the long-term housing, and unemployment issue."

Obviously, only the most deluded can hope this is anything remotely close to a long-term strategy. The heroin drip is now fully active and the public will simply demand more and more in exchange for not rioting one more day.

Critics said the sweeteners did not address the Saudi public’s political aspirations. Protests, political parties and labour unions are banned in the conservative kingdom. “We need a new higher education minister, a new health minister, reform of the judiciary and codified laws - not hand-outs,’’ said Turki Al-Balaa, a 34 year-old businessmen.

“We want real change. This will be the only guarantee of security of the kingdom,’’ added Hassan al-Mustafa, one of 40 Saudi rights activists and journalists who signed an open letter requesting an elected parliament, more rights for women and enhanced anti-corruption measures.“A constitutional monarchy closer to the Kuwaiti model is not an impossible target to achieve right now.”

As we reported earlier, the Saudi says of rage are coming. If Bahrain's failed attempt at whorism is any indication, the Saudi regime has about 1 month of existence left.

Hundreds of people have signed up to a Facebook campaign calling for a “day of rage” across Saudi Arabia on March 11, although it is not clear if any protests will materialise. Analysts said the late date suggested that activists wanted to give the government time to introduce reforms, and not a real desire to take to the streets.

“We don’t want money,” a female student from Jeddah said on her Twitter feed. “I want to know that I’ll be protected under a written constitution for the rest of my short life.”

A lawyer wrote that the Saudi people seek “dignity, reform, freedom of expression, transparency, justice, respect, wise governance, not grants’’.

Two words of advice on what to do with all the money Uncle Sam (or now Abdullah) gives you in exchange for the latest ass pounding: Buy oil.

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asdasmos's picture

But all my money is in Gold and Silver. ;)




At this point, with the US military base there, would the Saudis elite intervene? and/or would the military presense be used to 'keep order'?

eigenvalue's picture

Then sell one of your kidneys for some cash and buy oil. You can survive with one kidney for several weeks and buy your other kidney back when you make money on your long position on curde oil. This is organ repurchase agreement, a new form of financial innovation. Guess I should tell this to Blythe so that she can do some marketing.;)

I think I need to buy a gun's picture

anyone have a feeling on a timetable of a RESET?

gorillaonyourback's picture

its not a timetable you look for but indications, for instance when your local bar accepts silver or gold for your bar tab.  hell at my bar i do the plumbing and i get my drinks for exchange. it works out well cuz i charge retail and he charges retail.  a few times ago i told him to go buy me silver for the parts i paid at the local coin shop, now he is a silver buyer

Overflow-admin's picture

As in a computer system, you cannot time when the BSOD (blue screen of death) will occur. You may know when only if you know and do trigger it.


Sorry for the theorical answer but market system is too much complicated for me to understand if someone is triggering the BSOD.

Caviar Emptor's picture

You have a future in Ibanking. It's that kind of innovation we're looking for. You will go far. You would have been an even more perfect candidate if you had considered writing CDS on the pool of kidneys for resale to the widow's and orphan's pension. 

BorisTheBlade's picture

But, but, Jim Rogers said IB doesn't have a future, rather agriculture, I already bought a tractor.

dark pools of soros's picture

you should be fine to sell your kidney a few times as long as no one demands delivery

h3m1ngw4y's picture

gold and oil never flow in the same direction. so i think sa can easily handle this and more

Bearster's picture

But the system that preceded Obama and Bernanke wasn't capitalism.  It was fascism, cronyism, corporatism, whatever you want to call it, the institutionalized conflict of interest between large incumbent corporations vs. taxpayers and would-be competitors.

And Saudi Arabia is a murderous dictatorship, hardly "capitalism".

reader2010's picture

Give them GM foods and be happy.

HonestJohn's picture

So I just watched the 2005 BBC movie Hiroshima on Nexflix, figured I'd check in here before bed, and read this headline.

honestann's picture

King Bernanke?  Hahahahaha.

tickhound's picture

The Saudi people got it right... Extortion first.

Saxxon's picture

It will get interesting fast if the Saud's subjects do not accept his largesse.

TBT or not TBT's picture

Of course.  They are such a highly educated, dynamic, forward thinking, productive population in so many domains.   They don't need any largesse.   Also they can convert air into food and water just by believing it, would be my guess.  They are superhuman and don't need money to buy food and are of course impervious to the elements and so don't need shelter.

serotonindumptruck's picture

This will absolutely be perceived by the Saudi citizens as a sign of weakness, and additional concessions will be demanded.

The House of Saud is about to fall.

CH1's picture


It just shows you how ignorant these rulers really are: Lightening up on an oppressed people encourages them to rebel - they get a moment to breath and reflect upon positive change. Then they want a lot more of it. Has happened a lot of times.

And, for the record, I am really happy that so many of the rulers have never understood any history. God forbid that we should see intelligent thugs.

TBT or not TBT's picture

Their wahabist shit got them here.   The GDP per head has been dropping in that country because the population increases regularly, but the economy doesn't get any smarter.   They still live off of their oil wells.   Turns out the madrassa and the mosque provide no useful answers.   These curves are going to cross someday, if not immediately, and the Saudis will have been found to have squandered horrendously.   They sent their own progeny to US schools but their subjects progeny to the madrassa.

Bob's picture

Helicopter Ben Step Aside: That was truly inspired, Tyler.

AUD's picture

What assets is King Abdullah selling to raise cash for his handouts?

US Treasuries maybe?

Miles Kendig's picture

The ultimate tell tale.  KSA is going full on prostitution mode and still refuses to glove up.  No wonder their thinking has slowly grown cloudy over the years. 

A constitutional monarchy is the best deal the House of Saud will be able to manage and still rule, or have a nation to rule.  But it won't be on the table for long.  Too bad pride may well overwhelm this noble family as well.  Tragic since KSA and its people have such awesome potential.  The only question that remains is IF the royal family truly cares to rule or not.  The leaks are coming.  The unrest is coming.  Let's hope the Kingdom can truly lead through these tumultuous times.  So far it doesn't look promising.

I just hope the Hajj is not effected (fall is a ways off).  THAT would be tragic beyond belief for people of the Islamic faith and indeed everyone.

Cistercian's picture

 Yes, that would be tragic.I am betting hubris does them in....with concomitant bad results for all.8 bucks a gallon is gonna suck.It will also precipitate revolution here in the US.

Miles Kendig's picture

Entitlement is a hella concept everywhere

dark pools of soros's picture

everyone remembers their first allowance

TBT or not TBT's picture

I don't think the other 5.5 billion of us would get misty over the hajj not working out one year out of a thousand.

dark pools of soros's picture

geez...even LARPers would say this is too much of a hassle http://www.islam.com/hajj/hajj.htm

Miles Kendig's picture

hahaha  Living up to your rep of the inability to read between the lines.  Well done

RockyRacoon's picture

The Saudis will use their SWF to pay this.  That is mostly Treasuries?  So, we used the oil and gave them some of our paper for it.   Who is footing this final bill in the long haul?  Is there any limit to the expanding U. S. socialized state?

palmereldritch's picture

Undergoing post regime coma avoidance therapy.

Miles Kendig's picture

Looking for some visual combat from the wb7 labs

Xkwisetly Paneful's picture

Unfortunately for Saudi, Bahrain tried this and failed.



LMAO they are oh so analagous.

Hillbillyfreak's picture

Kings have a lot of experience in managing these things. 

dark pools of soros's picture

next up they'll call in pimps to handle it

midtowng's picture

all that is happening here is that the King is giving back a little bit of the money he stole from the people.

Milton Waddams's picture

The Bernank is totally completely cool with the Middle East unrest and subsequent energy price spike. A few weeks ago he released a research paper he co-authored that concluded that the "global savings glut", primarily in emerging Asian economies and Middle Eastern oil producers, artificially held down the long end of the Treasury curve in the middle of the last decade. We all know or should know of Greenspan's admission that the Fed "lost control" of the long end sometime "around 2004".

Higher energy prices = more money, more money, and more money for those middle eastern energy producers = increased demand for Treasuries = supplements to QE.

Bernanke and Obama gonna make it [Bah]rain!!!

PulauHantu29's picture

I bought another 1,000 shares today of USO.

People in the ME, like everywhere else, want respect rather then a check for$2,000 and cheap bread.

Good Luck!

CrashisOptimistic's picture


Wait a minute.  What is all this talk about sovereign wealth funds and printing and Treasuries to fund this $36 billion.

That's only 360 million barrels.  Let's see that claimed extra oil production capacity kick in to fund this.  Go on, let's see it.  Pop up that supposed 5 million barrels a day and you can fund this in 2.5 months.  Less than a fiscal quarter.  So go ahead.  Let's see it.

Coldfire's picture

Are things that bad in Saudi Arabia? A bribe does nothing to address the people's political aspirations, although it does acknowledge them. This crass money move strikes me as too little, too late. The contempt the king has for "his" people is showing. Notice that inflation is a big problem. And that is courtesy of the good 'ole USA. I'll bet Bermonkey never dreamed he'd have this kind of influence. Way to go Bermonkey!

palmereldritch's picture

King A is like a composite of Timmay/Gaddafi: What's the fucking problem?...with the Bernanke: Here, take some more cash


I don't think more FRNs is the answer.

Now...if he tried to bribe with PMs...he'd probably still be in power in 2014...

gwar5's picture

Whorism is right.

Saw that about the Saudis. That's what they always do -- buy people off and pay for protection. Makes sense when you have a bad back right now, like the King, and don't feel like packing. I don't want to see the Saudis go. It would mean $200 bbl oil and it's got Mecca which would be a symbolic magnet for the extremists to take over.

If Saudi Arabia ever does go to the extremists at least we could see the all the targets gathered together from space with the naked eye during the Haijj. Not that anybody I know would ever contemplate such a thing. 


serotonindumptruck's picture

If Saudi Arabia ever does go to the extremists at least we could see the all the targets gathered together from space with the naked eye during the Haijj. Not that anybody I know would ever contemplate such a thing.

Not much oil in that part of the country (Mecca/Medina) anyway. Definitely a soft target, and would likely violate almost every article in the Geneva Convention.

I would suggest that we all learn to radically change the way we think about energy, and how we use it.

That is the only way that humanity will advance. 

TBT or not TBT's picture

Humanity doesn't seek to advance.   Individual humans and/or groups of humans compete with other humans in their various quests to advance, however each of them view advancements.     At least that is what we can observe in the real world.  

dark pools of soros's picture

and unless defense is highly emphasized, advancement means killing competition as swiftly as possible