Here Comes The Scramble For Capital: JPM To Raise $4 Billion

Tyler Durden's picture

Even as JPM Jamie was crowing earlier about how great JPM's feces smell, and how the future is so bright, he's gotta wear Dimonshades, a little yet very important headline hit Bloomberg. To wit:



Is JPM, with its massive cash trove, suddenly a little more nervous about the teeny, weeny foreclosure problem? Furthermore, with JPM seeing $4.35 billion in TLGP maturities on December 1 and 2, which are paying ridiculously low taxpayer-subsidized rates, just how big will the cash crunch to JPM suddenly be? And all this avoids the fact that JPM's overly optimistic NPL charge off projections will have to be revised dramatically higher as shadow foreclosures, ironically, suddenly surge, and remain in suspended animation until the "moratorium" is lifted, only to flood all over the banks and their fraudulent and massively mismarked balance sheets, like a pent up tsunami, once the next foreclosure wave is released.

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truont's picture

"A fool and his money are soon parted..."


Bob's picture

One would think that competent managers would see that this is not the time to be paying multi-billions in bonuses.

dlmaniac's picture

Would 4B be enough to cover the loss on their naked silver bets?

pamriallc's picture

Capitalism, then, is by nature a form or method of economic change and not only never is but never can be stationary. … The opening up of new markets, foreign or domestic, and the organizational development from the craft shop and factory to such concerns as US Steel illustrate the same process of industrial mutation—if I may use that biological term—that incessantly revolutionizes the economic structure from within, incessantly destroying the old one, incessantly creating a new one. This process of Creative Destruction is the essential fact about capitalism.

Capitalism, Socialism, and Democracy, Joseph Schumpeter (1942)

Shawn A. Mesaros, Pamria, LLC

Bartanist's picture

JPMorgan's toilet paper mache fortress balance sheet (pronounced shit). An arrogant ass and his job are soon parted.

jaap's picture

in need of money to short something??



frankTHE COIN's picture

He's in denial. Admit Dimon into ZERO HEDGE HOUSE.

Whether he suffers from Crack Spread overload or Yellow Cake Arb we will not rest until we dry him out.

Dagny Taggart's picture

Oh, no! JPM got a margin call on those silver shorts, too? Gotta cover 'em at some point, boys.

MarketTruth's picture

JPM has HUGE shorts on silver and they are on the wrong side of the trade by a very high dollar value. Fuck 'em, couldn't happen to a better bunch of scam artists and market manipulators!

Dagny Taggart's picture

Can't wait to see how they transfer those losses to the taxpayers and shareholders. But their bonuses are a lock, so its all good.

web bot's picture

I could spray my unadulterated vulgar venom regarding how I feel about these #uckers and their class, but it's the time of day that children may be looking over your shoulders, so I won't.

Just #uck them all. #uck every last one of them.

The Gold/Silver ratio is now at 56. Something is happening regarding silver. Any clown that thinks Gold & Silver are in a bubble are in for a rude awakening. When the bubble pops (the USD tsunami of free cash piled into the bond market), there will be a rush of money INTO the PMs like we've never seen before. PMs are not in a bubble, they will be the recipient of the bubble.

Now back to cursing these #uckers...

Kaiser Sousa's picture

yeah i luvin this...

fuck a banker and his debt coupon currency....

man our "Gentleman's money" is kicking they ass...


Lionhead's picture

Web bot, you are correct; here's the evidence of the increasing appetite for gold over US treasuries:

Bernanke has sown the seeds of his destruction & his minion banks; be patient & enjoy the show. Watch for defaults on JPM's futures contracts. Jamie will "burn bright" someday.

web bot's picture

Thanks for the chart. Here's more of my sock puppet thinking...

Make no mistake about it. The end game is hyperinflation and a collapse of the USD. Despite that pesky problem of social unrest for a bit, it will allow the US to emerge literally debt free (inflation destroys the value of debt) and to be in a position to somwaht retain its level of global strength and influence.

Don't think for a moment the US Gov't has not already run these scenarios. It's the only way to get out of this $13,500,000,000,000.00 debt (or if you like, unfunded liability of $23,000,000,000,000.00). Ya - just stare at those #uckin zeros until your stomach starts to get a sick feeling.

ZeeGerman's picture

Come on out so daddy can see you!!!

AGORACOM's picture

Ritholtz has a must read article at:  Here are just two excerpts that tell me this is going to get ugly and fast:


We are not suggesting a Lehman style crisis will necessarily occur. We are suggesting
that if the investigation of front-end documentation practices uncovers assignment
failures in any scale resembling the back-end foreclosure processing failures, the scale of uncertainty could create a market response reminiscent of that Lehman period.

Then the article ends off with:

“Unfortunately, the rising uncertainty is only increased by the current reality that real
estate, trust and many of the related tax issues are currently addressed as state rather than federal issues. Other than offering to act as referee, short of a politically charged battle that may result from asserting interstate commerce authorities, there appears no current opportunity for the federal government to create a uniform solution.”

My Conclusion - In short, there is no wand for the Feds to waive.

As such, I don’t see how Wall Street can get out of this mess. Home owners are not going to make their payments until they can figure out who to pay, while investors (who are no doubt salivating at a chance to get at Wall Street) will be filing suits against trustees.

Check mate. Hold on to your hats, I think this is going to get really ugly. With no wand for the Feds to waive it will be long and ugly.

George ... The Greek ... From Canada

LeBalance's picture

Bank Holiday




False Flag Continental US Nuke or CBW Strike

There's three buwwets in the gun, Elmer, you spin and shoot, we'll just be over there.

.....a short while later...

We didn't say "Elmer, fan the trigger!"  Oh holy shit!

traderjoe's picture

Both CNBC and Bloomberg have had guests on today that appropriately reference this as a problem for ALL titles (and not just foreclosures). Statements like "clouded title on all homes" and "no one might be able to convey their title" are starting to make it into the MSM.

Can't put this genie back in the bottle...

By the way, I'm not a fixed income guy, but those seem like wide spreads to UST's. Some of the industrial names borrow for a lot less, yea?

Bob's picture

The MSM is getting all over this mess.  The bloggers who put on the heat should get some serious credit one day.

Nine Pies's picture

No wand for the Feds to wave?  Damn!  Here comes the Federal Uniform Foreclosure Act.  Sounds like they are already laying the groundwork with scare stories about everyone's title being cloudy.

tallystick's picture

Everyones titles will only be clouded if scaMERS is allowed to persist.

1100-TACTICAL-12's picture

Nothing good for anyone, will come from this clusterfuck...

puckles's picture

On the contrary, Federal RICO statutes and other conspiracy-related statutes would do just fine here.  And don't toss out the Interstate Commerce Clause--it has been used, and misused, of late, for so many evil purposes (e.g., Obamacare), that finally a proper use would provide some well-deserved relief on the part of the public, and reassure them that the rule of law has not been utterly abandoned in this country, yet.

Of course, there is still the lame duck session of Congress...

TraderTimm's picture

"Bear Stearns is fine!"

Yeah, we've seen this before.

EscapeKey's picture

Oh ok, why don't I give Dimon some money he can pay himself in bonus in a few days time? What could possibly go wrong?

Sophist Economicus's picture

"Who's got the Smallest TIPS"?


That's easy, Jamie Lee Curtis...

LeBalance's picture

He who suffer from crack spread, ....

HarryWanger's picture

Seems like they just need to raise a little cash for year-end bonuses and a bigger Holiday Extravaganza.

AccreditedEYE's picture

Hey Harry, are you buying this dip in SIZE???

HarryWanger's picture

Nope. Hanging on to my metals and watching AAPL closely. IMO, it needs to turn for the market to really take a shit. Ready to push a short on it once it starts breaking down. It will - just some patience required.

Clark_Griswold Hedge Mnger's picture

yeah but we still have a little pomo pumping to do tomorrow and Monday...

Dagny Taggart's picture

I think we're up to POMO 1.3, not QE2 'til Ben says so. Tyler?

HarryWanger's picture

I'm really beginning to think POMO is QE2 and it will continue for quite some time. Kind of goes on in the background without upsetting anyone. Covert easing, you might say.

sweet ebony diamond's picture

Your truthiness factor is high today. What's up with that?

HarryWanger's picture

Fear can do that to me sometimes.

traderjoe's picture

Agreed. Frustrates me that any upcoming QE isn't called QE3. Just like how the Bush stimulus checks aren't counted in the stimulus numerology...

barliman's picture


QE2=(TBTF loss exposure)N+1 where N=Helicopter Ben's Printing Presses (Sorry, supersript for N+1 is not working)

The Fed reversed the plan to deleverage its balance sheet of MBS in late July/early August. Do any of the regular ZH readers believe that wasn't a function of foreknowledge of the foreclosure crimes now coming to light?

A hint for the newb's, your county recorder's office is located somewhere within driving distance of you. It's difficult (but not impossible) to control this at a national level when the tens of thousands of transactional locations for all real estate are so close to the 100,000,000 plus households affected by these MBS.


TraderTimm's picture


     do while(Unemployment.Current > Unemployment.Prev && Helicopter.Fuel == "Full") {

     Pump.The.Equities++; Curve.Flattener++; Silently.Panic.About.Gold++;

     Collect.Massive.Paycheck * 10^100; Everything.Fine.Index == "MAXIMUM DENIABILITY";





curbyourrisk's picture

How much of theat masive cash trove is over seas???  They can;t really touch that money without payuing HUGE taxes on it..... 

Commander Cody's picture

That's why they are borrowing?

centerline's picture

Good memory.  I seem to have one or two synapses that are trying desperately to reconnect on this... something in my memory somewhere about this subject... borrowing at specific times versus pulling from offshore due to taxation.

T Rex's picture

And that was the good bank.

chet's picture

Don't all these banks have a bozillion dollars in "excess reserves"?

Cdad's picture

Yes and no.  Yes on on bozillions.  Since their reserves are measured in collapsing dollars and rotting houses, it is more like on tenth of a gajillion.

treemagnet's picture

The perfect storm.....

sethco's picture

here comes the end of the horrible day, no big deal, Financials ramp. A little one at least. Something to build on for tomorrow.

HarryWanger's picture

Something for the talking heads to tell us how great the price action was and the obligatory "people want into this market for fear of missing the run, blah, blah, blah".

Same dialogue, different day.

sethco's picture

Sure enough. The DOW almost went green right at the close. Fucking 3:30 ramp job. We'll see how things get cooked up overnight...