IBM Jumps 2% After Hours After Earnings Beat, Guidance Hike, Despite Margin Miss

Tyler Durden's picture

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Buckaroo Banzai's picture

"Earnings Beet"! Does that mean that, despite that fact that it was pulled out of some moist brown stuff, it is still a sweet, purple-colored treat?

oh_bama's picture

DID I TELL THE LOSERS TO BTFD???

HEHE

  • WHAT IF YOU TRUSTED THE FED AND THE GOVERMENT?
    WHAT IF YOU UNDERSTAND DEEPLY WHAT QEs ARE?
  • WHAT IF YOU SUPPORTED THE TROOPS?

IF YOU DID ALL OF ABOVE? YOU WOULD HAVE MADE A TON OF MONEY!!!!!

traderjoe's picture

Not sure if you are sarcastic or not. Or you could distrust everything, have purchased silver, and 'made' a ton of money.

p.s. Please stop shouting.

SheepDog-One's picture

Probably means it will be down 5% tomorrow.

Cdad's picture

Happens four times per year.  Not on IBM...but on INTC.  It prints its high right about now, and sells into oblivion the following day, taking the tech trade down with it.  And so the chimps are printing the top and setting the short on it...'nother day, 'nother counterfeit dollar printed, jammed into a bank, fed into a computer, pooled up, jacked in...and scalped.

The New American Marxist/Banker Party would like to thank you for chasing cars.

TruthInSunshine's picture

INTC is like a sterile bull. It just sits there and eats people's wealth.

Dead weight on four hoofs.

ghostfaceinvestah's picture

Are you sure you're not talking about CSCO?

At least INTC pays a measley dividend.  CSCO is a true black hole.

Cdad's picture

Brother Truth,

Was it you or brother Cog...who wrote last qtr that after a $50 run it will be time to short NFLX?  Either way, it looks like tomorrow might be that day.  

As for Intel and Cisco...these names remain hung over from 2001.  It is amazing...but there it is.  The Nasdaq is Apple...period.  Until tomorrow, that is.

Hell of a fake, shitty world...

 

TruthInSunshine's picture

Had to have been CogDis.

The easy money in this festering pig of a casino has been made. That writing is on the wall.

When it all burns down again this year, the sheeple who get sheared will get that thousand yard, glazed look in their eyes.

But at least there are fewer of them participating in the parlor vs 3 years ago.

Racer's picture

Great thing currency destruction for earnings surging past guestimates eh....

plocequ1's picture

Dont forget Jnpr, Up $2.00. 

RobotTrader's picture

Heh, my INTC is skying 6% in the after life.

And so many of you guys were dissing me big time for buying that last week.

LOL.........

Careless Whisper's picture

take the money and run. the chart looks horrible. but nice trade anyways.

The Axe's picture

Great job on INTC....excellent earnings and balance sheet....

RobotTrader's picture

Short sellers getting creamed after hours.

Careless Whisper's picture

ah dewd, u spoke a little too soon. i'm seeing ibm going red. 163. ooops. something someone said?

SheepDog-One's picture

No problem, Robo will now just say he sold the top.

TruthInSunshine's picture

He bought it at the 09 bottom at just sold about 15% minutes ago before it gapped down...like he does with every stock.

Cdad's picture

Short sellers getting creamed after hours.

 

Robo,

What are you talking about?  Assless jeans have not budged.  Burritos...nothin'.  The snap back in steel stocks...oh, what a sickly rally....classic UnicornDew powered move.  

As for the winners, they could not wait even five minutes to sell them...

I'm concerned, Robo.  Are you well today?

Twice a Day's picture

Made a major mistake and inadvertently junked

RT's comment. Will not happen again, 1st time on

this site, very new, sorry.

TruthInSunshine's picture

Watch it gap down now.

Look at the valuation of IBM - this is more insane than 2007, especially with what there is to look forward to.

Make sure you don't Seven Out, mofos.

SheepDog-One's picture

Massive P/E's, eeking out small Special Olympics earnings pole vaults over a bar buried in the ground.

Cdad's picture

...and the trade is already over.  Don't you love the New America?

SheepDog-One's picture

Just great...well guys like Robo are impressed.

Cdad's picture

You know Dog....if I only had $8 billion from POMO and a super computer co located in the room next to where Duncan Niederauer takes his afternoon dump, I coulda made that sweet trade, too.

Now...three hours of jibber jabber, reverse psycology, we know that you know that we know bobbing and weaving, followed by, "Historically cheap valuations that long term investors should...." yada yada...and bingo...profit!

Who needs a fucking job anymore?  Just print money and give it to me!

The only question regarding DC and this entire mess is...who is going to have the courage to drag Ben Bernanke out of that damn Eccles building...and save the nation.  Everything else is hyperbole.

SheepDog-One's picture

Drive by with high pressure fire hoses and evict them like rats!

Cdad's picture

The price of gold alone should inform those who have the power to remove Ben Bernanke from his station.  It is not complicated...like criminal syndicate Wall Street bankers would like to make you think.  

And indeed, a fire hose would be the best method....'cause that would shut down all those co located computers in the room next to where Duncan Niederauer takes his afternoon crap...which would be a nice secondary effect.

 

TooBearish's picture

What's margin compression? Just BTFD....

plocequ1's picture

Just another Harvard term that Louis Rukeyser used to throw around back in the Flintstone days that means shit today. You know, Hindenberg Omen, Death cross, EPS, PE. Who cares? BTFD

RobotTrader's picture

Probably buy some Toyota tomorrow.  That thing is down big from the highs.  Nikkei futures getting bounced hard right now.

equity_momo's picture

Someone should set up a retail crossing network where we can deal directly and bypass the parasites. I'll gladly take the other side of your trades Robo. Just buzz me everytime you have a brainfart.

Pain Train's picture

Sellin' more calculators, bitchezzz! (Sorry. Longtime reader but first comment. I've been dying to do that.)

Northeaster's picture

Strange they didn't mention all the layoffs that somehow went under the media radar.

max2205's picture

MCD HIRED 50,000 HOMELESS TODAY...RELAX

HUGE_Gamma's picture

Anyone just hear Piper Intel Analyst on Bloomberg? guy was talking silly

RobotTrader's picture

Probably see a lot of hedge funds take profits in GLD and SLV to chase some of these tech stock screamers bouncing off the lows.

equity_momo's picture

You're probably right. And what will happen is GLD and SLV will blip down a nano-fart before continuing their 10 year bull run whilst that shyte you pimp will continue to devalue.  Dont worry though RT , whilst this system is intact there will always be a welfare check for you and a project to move into. Heaven forbid when the system inevitably implodes though - turning tricks for the local mack isnt going to be enough anymore.

Sucker.

The Axe's picture

HOLY SLAP SHOT BATMAN    IBM   hit the shithouse....lol

tmosley's picture

I think we'll see a lot more failure and hindsight from you.

ZakuKommander's picture

The vitriol you unleash for merely commenting on the mentality that drives the markets is undeserved.  

treemagnet's picture

Takes serious software to keep track of this ponzi.

equity_momo's picture

Short into this pop right now.   This is a guaranteed slam dunk fade within a week.

johngaltfla's picture

No doubt, that was a nice profit if you hit it at 164-165...

equity_momo's picture

Youre right , i was working on 2010 timeline. This ponzi is RIP.  The juice is running out boyz. As someone here signs off :

prepare accordingly. 

max2205's picture

TD somebody read this and slammed it...nice headfake