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"If You Don't Let Us Touch Your Boobs We'll Have You Arrested"... Not To Mention The Terrorists Win
It was only a matter of time before some entrepreneur decided to assist Bernanke in adding his 2 cents (or more) to the M1 courtesy of the latest TSA megaflop. Here is a look at the shirts the will soon grace every airport terminal across the country, courtesy of ETSY.
For Her:
For Him:
For those who wish to celebrate the farce that living in America has become, and buy a shirt, may do so here (ladies) and here (everyone else including current and former Goldman chief market strategists).
h/t @JaneWells
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Usually you have to pay money at a strip club for this kind of service. I think it is great that it is now free.
It's not free - you still have to buy an expensive airline ticket and put up with being stuffed in a little tube with 100+ other unhappy people.
$10 lap dances sound like a bargain in comparison.
And we the taxpayers are paying for the bodyscanners and the molesting.
Voyuer!
Since the traveler is paying for this service, TSA should line up opposite the search area kind of like in a police station when identifying a criminal. In fairness to the wide range of passengers travelling, TSA should offer a smorgasbord of 4-5 male and female molesters from which to choose ONLY one. TSA then gets what they want travellers get what they want. Then head over to the bar for a drink.
OMG this is awesome candyman - I almost spit out my drink!
I see you have been to Karaoke in China.
Want happy ending?
LOL, that is BS man, where's the release? I can get blueballs myself by looking at pictures of Kelly Brook on the internet. As a matter of fact, that sounds like a great idea!
http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&source=imghp&q=kelly+brook&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=
Let us touch your boobs, or the terrorists win!!
Who knew we had been fighting terrorism before there was even terrorism.
Wave Ameriakn flag <here>...
They should just outlaw clothing in airports and on planes.
I can certainly see them requiring that you disrobe and put on a "flying smock" or something somewhere down the line. Something like a hospital gown and those little non-slip hospital socks. And you'll have to pay for a locker at your airport of departure to store your civvies in. You'll have to purchase the lock at the airport too...
Just watch, this is going to be the alternative:
Pilots press TSA for biometric ID system
Pilots unions say they are in "high-level" talks with the TSA regarding the implementation of a "crew pass" biometric ID system that would allow pilots to skip the passenger screening procedure at U.S. airports. The Air Line Pilots Association says TSA is currently testing a crew pass system at three airports and hopes to "expedite" a wider roll-out. TSA refused to confirm the ALPA report, saying only that its "review is ongoing." National Journal (11/16)
Is the TSA hiring?
Perverts only.
most people people here are probably overqualified then.
"If we can't see you naked, we'll feel you up."
Is it OK if I am hoping for a decent looking female TSA agent to feel me up?
Sure it's OK.
It's just not very realistic.
You don't go to the airport very often, do you?
Damn. Now all I can imagine is a big, angry, cro-magnon type fellow with really strong hands and alot of pent-up frustration. Ouch.
Relax. Could be a cro-magnon type woman. Not sure that's actually an improvement, however.
Death by snoo-snoo!
http://verydemotivational.memebase.com/2010/11/17/demotivational-posters...
You know, I was at first repulsed. But then I started to appreciate the horrible logic of the thing.
Does that make me a bad person?
snoo-snoo is also an obscure Futurama reference, FYI.
I saw one the other day with Pedobear, where the TSA was subtitles "The Department of Molestation". Given the forcible molestation of that three year old that was caught on camera the other day, that seems more appropriate.
Why doesn't anyone think of the children when it is useful for preserving some semblance of our freedoms?
TSA: "We specialize in secure happy endings"
"I voted for Obama and all I got was a crotch-cupping"
Also, I think the Hari Krishnas have won the airport wars. Soon we'll all be forced to shave our heads and wear togas and sandals when walking through the airports.
I voted for Obama and all I got was a boner.
Ron Paul on the latest govt. sanctioned molestations: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vjrNmlU9is
YEP, We don't know WHO the fuck launched that missile last week,
but we're keeping you safe when you fly....
Who cares about mysterious missiles when you can get your boobs or penis touched? For some people even both touched in one screening!
Lady Gaga, is that you?
We should be so lucky.
I can't wait for the TV images and stories. I'll make sure to cuddle up with my 4 year old grandchild and use this opportunity to teach him about the birds and bees.
I'm waiting for Government buildings to decide that they need to fondle people entering their buildings...
Hey America, you see how yo are being locked, down, herded in?
Outsiders will be loathe to come, if this is the welcome.
Then they will demand that any flights into the US will have to have followed the same procedure from the departure airport.
What will that do to travel?
I'd say you should all be very active on this one.
It's the cruelest Big Brother test you have seen so far (of course now, all those grannies beign made to take off their shoes post 9/11 becomes chillingly clear).
Unless the backlash is swift, they will have succeeded in resetting the lower bar. ALl such a part of the plan, they creep things in.
Don't fly. Drive. Great roads, awesome scenery and still affordable gas.
Stay home for thanksgiving. You always fight there anyways(it's the curse of the small-pox blankets by the way, don't fight it!!!).
Seriously guys. Up in arms, not arms up!
ORI
http://aadivaahan.wordpress.com
I think this is the best thing to happen in a long time. Let the average person walk through the govt. molestations and wake-up from the pain into the world we live in created by the govt. command and control.
If another person would watch a naked picture of my child, then continue to fondle my child, the age of reasoning is over. This is sanctioned govt. crime.
T1000, Drenched with irony and wrenchingly true.
It is such a test of will.
Just sit here shaking my head as the movie plays on.
Crazy times.
ORI
http://aadivaahan.wordpress.com
Trains and buses. How long before a terrrrist attempts to blow up a train or bus? Better introduce screening for those, right?
And cars... well, surely a car can be used for terrrrist activities! Better screen you before you're allowed to drive onto a motorway or bridge...
Bicycles? No licence plate... perfect terrrrist getaway vehicle. Better screen. Just in case.
And as for pedestrians... Terrrrists got feet, right? No brainer...
Exactly BigJim, as above.
Google "TSA and VIPER" and you will see how close your post is to the truth.
This is a good fight to fight, all around.
ORI
http://aadivaahan.wordpress.com
Terrorizing Small Adults?
Total Sexual Assault?
Traumatizing Simple Americans?
Tran - Sexual Alliance?
Touching Sexual Areas?
Tommytutone Second Album?
"is that porn on your laptop?""
"yes i downloaded it from your database. when are you guys going to be in high def"
Touching Sweet Asses!
I travely extensively through San Diego and opt out every time. Really pisses them off. And while I have been groped by jerks, I have also been groped by guys who want nothing to do with doing a crotch check or sticking their hands down around my waist band.
Can't wait for the first lady who's thong gets stuck on someone's hand. Or how about the gay guy who appears to have a difficult time standing up after doing a particularly aggressive crotch check?
And you know that some of these images are going to end up on the internet. There is simply no way that it can't occur.
All of the drug mules know how to deal with these searches. Let's hope the TSA doesn't figure out the terrorists can put the explosives in their ass. What procedure will that require?
I think you know.
It's called a DRE.
The Colon POW!
The Colon POW!
I can just see that. Large well lit rooms with examination chairs and hospital gowns. Women will be required to put their legs up on the stirrups and men to grab their ankles. 2 TSA agents in rolling stools one for the exam and the other holding a box of disposable gloves, vaseline and a waste basket, going down the line performing vaginal and rectal exams. Or should we call them love pats?
+1, TD.
Awesome shirts.
maybe there is hope for the once-docile americans, after all...
germans protested wearing as little as possible. A creative protest.
Do these silver coins make my hips look big?
Do the gropers enjoy their work?
Of course they do; they used to earn nothing before that job (because they were in prison)
HILLARIOUS TSA PRANK CALL! Pervert applies for job--->
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kr4rNR3CdxY
++
@ dumb-unibomber-one
If you're going to do a Google search for "jobs for perverts" you should probably keep that to yourself.
Besides, if you're looking for a job, you might want to enroll in a vocational school that teaches Doom/Gloom 201: Careers for pessimistic gloom/doom, ammo freaks. The only prerequisite is Doom/Gloom 110: How to hate everyone and everything.
Then, once you graduate, you can join their dating network, LetsHateTheWorldTogether.com
Warmest regards...
Flying commercial sucks.
The terrorists are laughing their asses off.
Next thing, they'll get some woman to slip some suspicious materials onto a plane inside her vagina.
First it was shoes, then it was underwear. Where did you think this was headed? They've got our number now, they can play us like a god-damned fiddle. They'll have us ass-raping our own women and children before this is over and we'll like it.
I don't think burquas would go over very well at a TSA checkpoint...
Because wearing burquas gives you a pass. Which is why DHS Nazipalitano can't answer when asked about radical islamist exemptions.
What? Dude. The shoe bomber was a white English dork. For their next trick, they'll have some fly Iraqi guy seduce the teenager living next door and have her carry it on.
It doesn't even have to blow her up. She just has to carry it onto the plane in a way that looks suspicious, gets her searched, and is over. Out of the park.
You mean Richard Reid? Even if he had UK citizenship, he looked so crazy he pretty much had "I'm a terrorist" stamped on his forehead. If they missed that one...
Your argument and logic is quite right, however. And this is why Israeli security and immigration question the hell out of non-jewish young women visiting Israel by themselves.
Airport interviews are what Israeli security does well, and a big part of why they haven't had a hijacking since Munich. They don't waste time looking for people with nail clippers and more than 6 ounces of shampoo; they look for terrorists.
The problem is that such a system requires a lot of bright, well-trained interviewers, which apparently we don't have, so instead, we opted for an army of hamburger flippers who conduct pointless, degrading searches of everyone. We lost something irreplaceable in the process, and we are no safer for it.
It's worse than a lack of intelligent people; I think these security theatrics are specifically designed solely to sell very expensive (overpriced) scanning machines, making huge profits for politically-connected assemblers/middlemen for such machines.
Ya think?
Burquas? Oh, ushered right thru, no check required. Now if youre a nun, youll be groped for an hour!
'Terrorists' cougar? I think youre a bit off. No US govt or CIA or FBI officials will be checked. Those real terrorists who planned and carried out Okla City, WTC bombings part 1 and 2, theyll never be checked.
Now now. You know who I meant. Looking at you G-Pap!
Your right sheep. The anti terrorist industrial complex branch of the financial oligarchy.
Damn right, the peasants need to pay!
My new video: Rules for Peasants
+1 Thanks. That was hysterical.
There goes Amendment #4 from the Bill of Rights. Not too many left unmolested.
If this kind of thing were discovered at a US military checkpoint in some Al Qaeda infested corner of Iraq we would be on day 37 of wall-to-wall NYT/CNN/NPR coverage/self-loathing introspection.
Is there a greater indignity or affront to personal liberty than watching one's women and children get fondled by some dipshit federal bureaucrat? But only in airports of course...there's no chance ever, ever that this kind of "security" would be subsequently rolled out and put to use in more everyday situations. Well... only if it were for your own good of course...
See what happens when you create a brand new federal agency in response to a problem?
Im going to the Caribbean for Christmas and have to go through JFK and I CANNOT wait to opt out.
Anyone interested here is Ron Paul telling Congress about the bodyscans yesterday "Don't Tread on us Bitches"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwsdq69AHnw
Thank you patriot. HR-6416, "American Traveler Dignity Act".
http://paul.house.gov/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1796&Ite...
Washington, DC
203 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
Phone Number: (202) 225-2831
Write your rep and demand passage of HR-6416.
https://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml
I'll bet pedophiles the country over are flocking to the TSA for their chance to grope a child. After all, it's "legal."
Theyre flooding the TSA HR desk for applications as we speak. Here, listen in--> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kr4rNR3CdxY
I remember seeing this being announced on the tube... I couldn't help to LMFAO at first, then I wanted to weep - we can't even afford airport scanners anymore... But hey, as long as we keep buying ipads, ipods and ifuckingwhatever we'll be fine.
Michael Chertoff, as head of Homeland Security, orders the first batch of porno scanners from a company called Rapiscan Systems. After his departure, Chertoff gave dozens of interviews using his government credentials to promote the device. What he didn’t tell people was that Rapiscan was one of the clients of his consulting company, The Chertoff group.
WB7 This is your moment. I hope to see your T-shirts on sale here very soon.
I would love to see the TSA agent's face that would have to frisk a woman wear the guy's t-shirt. I also wonder if someone that is transgendered would get to pick which sex gets to frisk them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFoa0LsqVbQ&feature=related
.
I like it when my penis is touched.
It would be bad if it was "We're going to touch your penis AND have you arrested" That would suck
It's no fun for them if they can't molest you and then throw you in jail. Have a heart.
How awkward would it be for you if you were a TSA agent groping men with boners all day?
Job Description:
Your job duties will be to grab and stare at cock all day. Any questions?
Perhaps the TSA and SEC can merge into one?
Hey now, that's a really good idea. Someone ought to forward that to the OMB as a cost savings. Might get you one of those Medal of Freedom things like Warren just got.
Hmmm seem to remember that W said "they" hated us because of our freedoms. Looks like we have that taken care of. So doesn't that mean "they" won? After all "they" hated our freedoms, so we chucked them.
+1776.. I got a chuckle out of that.. :)
Yes, the terrorists won.
The terrorists are: Bush, Obama, congress, courts, and their masters at the FederalReserve.
Start cutting raunchy ass farts everytime you get patted down...
Simple obvious solution to all of this, no one fly. What the hell does everyone need to fly all over the place for anyway? Revolt and just say no, make airports ghost towns and the TSA agents can fondle themselves all day.
As an ex-airline captain with 15,000 hours and over 15 years banging around airports I assure you that this will NOT make the airlines any safer.
Janet Napalatano is a fucking MORON. Michael Chertoff is a corporate whore and so is Obama. Rapascan is a huge contributer.
This country has gone to the dogs. These morons should be tried for treason. Assholes. By the way a TSA screener at Logan (BOS) is wanted on child sexual assault charges. These fucking TSA morons can't even screen the mollesters they hire to molest ourselves, and our family.
Sick disgusting bastards. This is NOT a free America.
TSA's employee of the decade
http://www.winthroptranscript.com/2010/03/04/winthrop-man-sought-in-connection-with-child-rape-case/
Winthrop Police were searching this week for 45-year old Sean Shanahan, most recently of 26 Shirley Street apartment #3 on five charges including two counts of statutory rape, two counts of enticing a child and one count of indecent assault and battery on a child under 14, after the alleged victim’s parents reported finding disturbing and explicit text messages on the child’s cell phone.
“This individual (Shanahan) is someone who was familiar with the child,” explained Police Chief Terrence Delehanty. “It appears that this case began with a series of text messages and then progressed to other activities that included the statutory rape charges.”
Shanahan, a Transportation Security Administration employee at Logan Airport, has not appeared at his job in several days and has also not been back to his apartment on Shirley Street, following an initial search of his residence by police, which resulted in the confiscation of a computer and cell phone from his home.
Thanks for that, Davos. Seriously.
? sorry if it offended you, I tend to get pissed off when they trash the 4th Amendment (illegal search) or that we have to give up rights to fly withing our border, or that these assholes have corrupted our bribed off Congress and ex-moron officials to rape up financially and then going through security.
A couple of hours before checking in, eat sauerkraut, pickled eggs, plenty of beans and wash down with a brew and a nasty taco - get ready to fire when ready and needed.
Weaponized bio-gas !!!
hilarious and sick all at the same time..hahahahahah. Wouldnt want to be sitting next to you on a 5 hour flight.
How about...."If we don't get off...You don't get on."
Can't take credit it for that...it was on Denningers post.
Anyone else see the Washington Times bit on the TSA exempting women wearing a hijab, etc., from most of the new screening procedures?
That makes perfect sense, since muslims could never be terrorists.
However, it also makes me imagine the lines at the airport with everyone (men, women, children) dressed that way. Now THAT is a wonderful picture.
Breaking News.....................................................
Department of Homeland Security and the TSA have apprehended three travelers inbound from Yemen at JFK Airport, 2 males and 1 female. Each suspect had suspicious explosives in or near their private parts.
TSA spokesperson Sarah Horowitz stated one of the males was found to have a latex penis extension filled to almost overflowing with PETN, an explosive used primarily in printer cartridges and underwear. The woman had a vaginal cavity search done and it is reported she had a silicone dildo packed with PETN stowed awkwardly inside. The last suspect, apparently bi-sexual, was reported to have endured the long trans-Atlantic flight with a PETN filled butt plug of gargantuan size. TSA agents successfully disarmed the suspected terrorists but endured loud and rancorous moaning by the suspects while they were disarmed.
One TSA agent who wished to remain anonymous stated the removal of the weapons of sexual destruction were painfully extracted. He said "It looked like it almost rectum." He since has asked to transfer over to the TSA's molestation station.
Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, has issued a new TSA security procedure in response to this bold act of terror by mandating cavity searches on all air travelers starting today. She said she knows this mandate will be invasive as she too personally flies with similar carry-with-ins but never thought to think such adult toys could be weaponized.
Congress will convene Friday to discuss these latest threats and attempt to determine how US citizens can fly and still take their toys. Harry Reid who will lead the caucus stated " Hell, what happens when I go through TSA screening... do I have to declare I am overly endowed or what?
What the fuck is a "supicious explosive"?! Ah but that one's not. You may pass!
Look. It's really simple. So long as you can make it ejaculate on demand, it's not suspicious.
Next flight, I am going to add a strap on just to see how well they check. My response to a TSA query will simply be, "Two heads are better than one."
How DARE they! In this gender-neutral, politically correct era, they should have just said, "If you don't let us stroke your CROTCH, we'll have you arrested!" Now that's gender-neutral!
Who would have ever thought two years ago that we could have degraded ourselves so rapidly!
NFL Season
EVEN TAIWAN IS LAUGHING AT US NOW (they often animate their stories - this TSA satire is HILARIOUS)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBL3ux1o0tM&feature=player_embedded
Tyler - feel free to include this in your post...
Free dum and just ice for all!
...And free cavity searches.
I JUST LOVE A GOOD PROSTATE STIMULUS!
Just don't wash for a week and forget to whipe your ass when you take a dump before going to the airport.
Next, ACT SUSPICIOUS AND TIGHTEN YOUR ASS AND WALK SMALL STEPS!!
after that, tell me how it went ;)
Eat lot's of refried beans and onions, then ask for a pat down, and let them have it.
A gift that keeps on giving...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo0XRpk6tIM
How does that oven thermometer thing work?
/
.
My preferred expression of free speech is to cut letters out of aluminum foil (K, F, U, U, Y, O and C) and scotch tape them to my legs. The U, F, K and C on the left leg, and the O, U, and Y on the right leg.
That should be sufficient to get the message across.
I have the perfect solution to this problem. I wish I could take credit for it, but it was my nephew's idea. Make the TSA agent more uncomfortable than you. My nephew is gay. Not flaming gay, but gay nonetheless. I had warned him about the new scanner at my local airport and recounted how I had been groped during my latest travels. He told me don't worry, I got this. He latter called me and recounted how he, in a very manly manner, refused the scan and was instructed to submit to a pat down. He proceeded to the groping area and a male TSA agent, after explaining the procedure, got down in one knee in front of him and began touching him. My nephew let loose and in the gayest voice he could muster began moaning loudly and approvingly. The TSA agent instantly stopped the exam and escorted him thru the old metal detector sitting beside the body scanner. Instant gratification.
The second, and more dangerous option requires preparation and the expectation that you will be escorted out of the airport. Purchase a solid rubber dildo. 12-18 inches and no internal parts (wires, metal,etc). The day of your flight, wear tight fitting jeans and place the dildo in the anatomically correct location. Now you have the choice of going thru the scanner (you will be groped afterwards) or just opt out and get groped. Now, when the TSA agent grabs your crotch, just lean back, smile and let him touch all over your "manhood". Don't say a word, let him think he is giving you a boner. This works even better if you are a female. Watch the TSA goons face as she realizes you have a dong. Happy hunting!!
Place Order:
Qty: [2] If You Don't Let Us Touch Your BOOBS Shirt
Size: [XXLarge]
Customer Name:
Customer Questions:
"Do they come in the unisex model?"
Hey, I have a pilot friend, and we figured a legal way around this farce... if anyone wants to fund a new startup.
The predator class avoid these obscenities by flying private flights. That's one option... though somehow I think they'd find a way around a company that started to provide too many "private flights". But as long as the business remained modest scale...
The other way to avoid this is to not even charge for the flight, which makes the trip non-commercial and totally exempt from this nonsense. For example, we charge for some "special event" in the destination city... and provide the travel for free. Why not make the event something like a "precious metals show" to stick it to them twice.
Somehow, those TSA terrorists must be stopped.
What's the big deal? They buy you a drink and sweet talk you first right?
Indeed. Government has truly jumped the shark by giving the terrorists their biggest win. The complete abdication of the norms of what was once a free society. To those that say: "Do whatever it takes to keep me safe" all that can be said is this..
Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both. - Benjamin Franklin
Meanwhile TPTB are slinging more than simply shit soup sandwiches with the addition of that dope called crystal dream to the menu..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKqW5o4idt8
"Yo, TSA Man, was it good for you, too?"
This John Pistole guy - the head of TSA - looks as queer as a three dollar bill.
Never mind Big Sis Napolitano.
Probably getting a big charge from watching all this unfold.
There isn't anything wrong with being gay, but the combination of repressed sexual identity and implementing national molestation practices under government decree is a bad combo. Better get to know the word fascist.
Not even the freaking Nazis did this crap.
Listen to the pilots. Bolt the door. Put a few guns on the cockpit if they want them. Buckle up and pass out the drink coupons.
Stop with the BS shoe parade, the PC random searches of kids and nuns and charge back the Chertoff radiation scanners.
TSA jack-booted moronic scumbags.
Every last molesting one of them.
Where is the stoic TSA employee getting fired for refusing this crap?
That's the next story.
I was told that all men see you naked I didn't think I had to provide a visual.
Passive and non-violent resistance is the way to deal with this nonsense.
"No, I won't submit to the body-scanner, and I won't let that person feel me up. I will be happy to strip to my briefs/bra and panties right here, though."
They won't have any way to deal with you. You're completely cooperative in that you don't object to the search, but for sure they're not going to have any control at all over a security line in which 10% (or, we might hope, 50%) of the passengers are stripping down to the skivvies.
Don't make it into a straight-on confrontation, and don't let them have their way in the interest of a joke.
Be prepared not to get where you're going, too. If you do actually have to make that specific trip for some reason, don't even make the attempt.
Isn't it bad enough you guys got me buying metals in ingots instead of filigree? Now I am seriously worried about dropping off the youngest at the airport this weekend...he's a fiery one that one. Maybe I should stay at the airport till it's all clear, just in case he decks someone.
This is it. In future, I don't care how far it is, we DRIVE.
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