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"If You Don't Let Us Touch Your Boobs We'll Have You Arrested"... Not To Mention The Terrorists Win

Tyler Durden's picture




 

It was only a matter of time before some entrepreneur decided to assist Bernanke in adding his 2 cents (or more) to the M1 courtesy of the latest TSA megaflop. Here is a look at the shirts the will soon grace every airport terminal across the country, courtesy of ETSY.

For Her:

For Him:

For those who wish to celebrate the farce that living in America has become, and buy a shirt, may do so here (ladies) and here (everyone else including current and former Goldman chief market strategists).

h/t @JaneWells

 

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Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:31 | 738300 Superdrol
Superdrol's picture

Usually you have to pay money at a strip club for this kind of service.  I think it is great that it is now free.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:36 | 738329 Mad Max
Mad Max's picture

It's not free - you still have to buy an expensive airline ticket and put up with being stuffed in a little tube with 100+ other unhappy people.

$10 lap dances sound like a bargain in comparison.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:51 | 738392 Rick64
Rick64's picture

And we the taxpayers are paying for the bodyscanners and the molesting. 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 20:14 | 739575 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

Voyuer!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:04 | 738435 candyman
candyman's picture

Since the traveler is paying for this service, TSA should line up opposite the search area kind of like in a police station when identifying a criminal.  In fairness to the wide range of passengers travelling, TSA should offer a smorgasbord of 4-5 male and female molesters from which to choose ONLY one. TSA then gets what they want travellers get what they want. Then head over to the bar for a drink.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:10 | 738454 What a mess_man
What a mess_man's picture

OMG this is awesome candyman  - I almost spit out my drink!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:41 | 738571 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

I see you have been to Karaoke in China. 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:18 | 738733 SWRichmond
SWRichmond's picture

Want happy ending?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:22 | 738491 downrodeo
downrodeo's picture

LOL, that is BS man, where's the release? I can get blueballs myself by looking at pictures of Kelly Brook on the internet. As a matter of fact, that sounds like a great idea!

 

http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&source=imghp&q=kelly+brook&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=

 

 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:31 | 738303 T1000
T1000's picture

Let us touch your boobs, or the terrorists win!!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:57 | 738897 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

Who knew we had been fighting terrorism before there was even terrorism.

Wave Ameriakn flag <here>...

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:33 | 738309 Eureka Springs
Eureka Springs's picture

They should just outlaw clothing in airports and on planes. 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:42 | 738577 -Michelle-
-Michelle-'s picture

I can certainly see them requiring that you disrobe and put on a "flying smock" or something somewhere down the line.  Something like a hospital gown and those little non-slip hospital socks.  And you'll have to pay for a locker at your airport of departure to store your civvies in.  You'll have to purchase the lock at the airport too...

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:28 | 738777 Citxmech
Citxmech's picture

Just watch, this is going to be the alternative:

Pilots press TSA for biometric ID system
Pilots unions say they are in "high-level" talks with the TSA regarding the implementation of a "crew pass" biometric ID system that would allow pilots to skip the passenger screening procedure at U.S. airports. The Air Line Pilots Association says TSA is currently testing a crew pass system at three airports and hopes to "expedite" a wider roll-out. TSA refused to confirm the ALPA report, saying only that its "review is ongoing." National Journal (11/16)

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:33 | 738311 Mae Kadoodie
Mae Kadoodie's picture

Is the TSA hiring?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:37 | 738335 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Perverts only.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:38 | 738339 centerline
centerline's picture

most people people here are probably overqualified then.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:34 | 738322 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

"If we can't see you naked, we'll feel you up."

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:36 | 738328 centerline
centerline's picture

Is it OK if I am hoping for a decent looking female TSA agent to feel me up?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:40 | 738348 BigJim
BigJim's picture

Sure it's OK.

It's just not very realistic.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:49 | 738378 TheDriver
TheDriver's picture

You don't go to the airport very often, do you?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:57 | 738412 centerline
centerline's picture

Damn.  Now all I can imagine is a big, angry, cro-magnon type fellow with really strong hands and alot of pent-up frustration.  Ouch.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:25 | 738505 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Relax. Could be a cro-magnon type woman. Not sure that's actually an improvement, however.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:23 | 738754 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

You know, I was at first repulsed. But then I started to appreciate the horrible logic of the thing.

Does that make me a bad person?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:49 | 738859 Mad Max
Mad Max's picture

snoo-snoo is also an obscure Futurama reference, FYI.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:36 | 738330 tmosley
tmosley's picture

I saw one the other day with Pedobear, where the TSA was subtitles "The Department of Molestation".  Given the forcible molestation of that three year old that was caught on camera the other day, that seems more appropriate.  

Why doesn't anyone think of the children when it is useful for preserving some semblance of our freedoms?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:37 | 738332 King_of_simpletons
King_of_simpletons's picture

TSA: "We specialize in secure happy endings"

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:37 | 738337 litoralkey
litoralkey's picture

"I voted for Obama and all I got was a crotch-cupping"

 

Also, I think the Hari Krishnas have won the airport wars.  Soon we'll all be forced to shave our heads and wear togas and sandals when walking through the airports.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:51 | 738393 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture

I voted for Obama and all I got was a boner.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:40 | 738338 T1000
T1000's picture

Ron Paul on the latest govt. sanctioned molestations: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vjrNmlU9is

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:39 | 738344 dabullify
dabullify's picture

YEP, We don't know WHO the fuck launched that missile last week,

but we're keeping you safe when you fly....

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:44 | 738361 Sabibaby
Sabibaby's picture

Who cares about mysterious missiles when you can get your boobs or penis touched? For some people even both touched in one screening!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:00 | 738423 Mad Max
Mad Max's picture

Lady Gaga, is that you?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:09 | 738446 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

We should be so lucky.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:40 | 738345 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I can't wait for the TV images and stories. I'll make sure to cuddle up with my 4 year old grandchild and use this opportunity to teach him about the birds and bees.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:50 | 738385 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

I'm waiting for Government buildings to decide that they need to fondle people entering their buildings...

 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:40 | 738347 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Hey America, you see how yo are being locked, down, herded in? 

Outsiders will be loathe to come, if this is the welcome.

Then they will demand that any flights into the US will have to have followed the same procedure from the departure airport.

What will that do to travel?

I'd say you should all be very active on this one.

It's the cruelest Big Brother test you have seen so far (of course now, all those grannies beign made to take off their shoes post 9/11 becomes chillingly clear).

Unless the backlash is swift, they will have succeeded in resetting the lower bar. ALl such a part of the plan, they creep things in.

Don't fly. Drive. Great roads, awesome scenery and still affordable gas.

Stay home for thanksgiving. You always fight there anyways(it's the curse of the small-pox blankets by the way, don't fight it!!!).

Seriously guys. Up in arms, not arms up!

ORI

http://aadivaahan.wordpress.com

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:44 | 738359 T1000
T1000's picture

I think this is the best thing to happen in a long time. Let the average person walk through the govt. molestations and wake-up from the pain into the world we live in created by the govt. command and control. 

If another person would watch a naked picture of my child, then continue to fondle my child, the age of reasoning is over. This is sanctioned govt. crime.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:05 | 738438 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

T1000, Drenched with irony and wrenchingly true.

It is such a test of will. 

Just sit here shaking my head as the movie plays on.

Crazy times.

ORI

http://aadivaahan.wordpress.com

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:47 | 738371 BigJim
BigJim's picture

Trains and buses. How long before a terrrrist attempts to blow up a train or bus? Better introduce screening for those, right?

And cars... well, surely a car can be used for terrrrist activities! Better screen you before you're allowed to drive onto a motorway or bridge...

Bicycles? No licence plate... perfect terrrrist getaway vehicle. Better screen. Just in case.

And as for pedestrians... Terrrrists got feet, right? No brainer...

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:11 | 738456 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Exactly BigJim, as above.

Google "TSA and VIPER" and you will see how close your post is to the truth.

This is a good fight to fight, all around.

ORI

http://aadivaahan.wordpress.com

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:43 | 738353 Grill Boss
Grill Boss's picture

Terrorizing Small Adults?

Total Sexual Assault?

Traumatizing Simple Americans?

Tran - Sexual Alliance?

Touching Sexual Areas?

Tommytutone Second Album?

"is that porn on your laptop?""

"yes i downloaded it from your database. when are you guys going to be in high def"

 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:54 | 738401 Poundsand
Poundsand's picture

Touching Sweet Asses!

I travely extensively through San Diego and opt out every time.  Really pisses them off.  And while I have been groped by jerks, I have also been groped by guys who want nothing to do with doing a crotch check or sticking their hands down around my waist band.

Can't wait for the first lady who's thong gets stuck on someone's hand.  Or how about the gay guy who appears to have a difficult time standing up after doing a particularly aggressive crotch check?

And you know that some of these images are going to end up on the internet.  There is simply no way that it can't occur.

 

 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:44 | 738356 repete
repete's picture

All of the drug mules know how to deal with these searches.  Let's hope the TSA doesn't figure out the terrorists can put the explosives in their ass.  What procedure will that require? 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:49 | 738379 BigJim
BigJim's picture

I think you know.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:57 | 738411 nevadan
nevadan's picture

It's called a DRE.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:59 | 738422 Eureka Springs
Eureka Springs's picture

The Colon POW!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:01 | 738426 Eureka Springs
Eureka Springs's picture

The Colon POW!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:11 | 738705 goldsaver
goldsaver's picture

I can just see that. Large well lit rooms with examination chairs and hospital gowns. Women will be required to put their legs up on the stirrups and men to grab their ankles. 2 TSA agents in rolling stools one for the exam and the other holding a box of disposable gloves, vaseline and a waste basket, going down the line performing vaginal and rectal exams. Or should we call them love pats?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:44 | 738358 truont
truont's picture

+1, TD.

Awesome shirts.

maybe there is hope for the once-docile americans, after all...

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:46 | 738365 merehuman
merehuman's picture

germans protested wearing as little as possible. A creative protest.

Do these silver coins make my hips look big?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:46 | 738367 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

Do the gropers enjoy their work?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:52 | 738394 10044
10044's picture

Of course they do; they used to earn nothing before that job (because they were in prison)

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:48 | 738373 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

HILLARIOUS TSA PRANK CALL! Pervert applies for job--->
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kr4rNR3CdxY

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:52 | 738397 BigJim
BigJim's picture

++

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 22:32 | 739085 Red Neck Repugnicant
Red Neck Repugnicant's picture

@ dumb-unibomber-one

If you're going to do a Google search for "jobs for perverts" you should probably keep that to yourself. 

Besides, if you're looking for a job, you might want to enroll in a vocational school that teaches Doom/Gloom 201: Careers for pessimistic gloom/doom, ammo freaks.  The only prerequisite is Doom/Gloom 110: How to hate everyone and everything.

Then, once you graduate, you can join their dating network, LetsHateTheWorldTogether.com

Warmest regards...

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:49 | 738375 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Flying commercial sucks.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:48 | 738376 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

The terrorists are laughing their asses off.

Next thing, they'll get some woman to slip some suspicious materials onto a plane inside her vagina.

First it was shoes, then it was underwear. Where did you think this was headed? They've got our number now, they can play us like a god-damned fiddle. They'll have us ass-raping our own women and children before this is over and we'll like it.

 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:54 | 738399 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

 I don't think burquas would go over very well at a TSA checkpoint...

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:04 | 738432 digalert
digalert's picture

Because wearing burquas gives you a pass. Which is why DHS Nazipalitano can't answer when asked about radical islamist exemptions.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:16 | 738444 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

What? Dude. The shoe bomber was a white English dork. For their next trick, they'll have some fly Iraqi guy seduce the teenager living next door and have her carry it on.

It doesn't even have to blow her up. She just has to carry it onto the plane in a way that looks suspicious, gets her searched, and is over. Out of the park.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:31 | 738523 Mad Max
Mad Max's picture

You mean Richard Reid?  Even if he had UK citizenship, he looked so crazy he pretty much had "I'm a terrorist" stamped on his forehead.  If they missed that one...

Your argument and logic is quite right, however.  And this is why Israeli security and immigration question the hell out of non-jewish young women visiting Israel by themselves.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 17:10 | 738978 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

Airport interviews are what Israeli security does well, and a big part of why they haven't had a hijacking since Munich. They don't waste time looking for people with nail clippers and more than 6 ounces of shampoo; they look for terrorists. 

The problem is that such a system requires a lot of bright, well-trained interviewers, which apparently we don't have, so instead, we opted for an army of hamburger flippers who conduct pointless, degrading searches of everyone. We lost something irreplaceable in the process, and we are no safer for it.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 17:40 | 739100 Mad Max
Mad Max's picture

It's worse than a lack of intelligent people; I think these security theatrics are specifically designed solely to sell very expensive (overpriced) scanning machines, making huge profits for politically-connected assemblers/middlemen for such machines.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 18:22 | 739250 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Ya think?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:17 | 738470 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Burquas? Oh, ushered right thru, no check required. Now if youre a nun, youll be groped for an hour!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:19 | 738476 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

'Terrorists' cougar? I think youre a bit off. No US govt or CIA or FBI officials will be checked. Those real terrorists who planned and carried out Okla City, WTC bombings part 1 and 2, theyll never be checked.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:21 | 738484 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Now now. You know who I meant. Looking at you G-Pap!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:35 | 738542 repete
repete's picture

Your right sheep.  The anti terrorist industrial complex branch of the financial oligarchy.

 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:48 | 738377 Hansel
Hansel's picture

Damn right, the peasants need to pay!

My new video: Rules for Peasants

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:59 | 738421 John McCloy
John McCloy's picture

+1 Thanks. That was hysterical.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 19:38 | 738381 Mercury
Mercury's picture

There goes Amendment #4 from the Bill of Rights.  Not too many left unmolested.

If this kind of thing were discovered at a US military checkpoint in some Al Qaeda infested corner of Iraq we would be on day 37 of wall-to-wall NYT/CNN/NPR coverage/self-loathing introspection.

Is there a greater indignity or affront to personal liberty than watching one's women and children get fondled by some dipshit federal bureaucrat?  But only in airports of course...there's no chance ever, ever that this kind of "security" would be subsequently rolled out and put to use in more everyday situations. Well... only if it were for your own good of course...

See what happens when you create a brand new federal agency in response to a problem?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:53 | 738391 John McCloy
John McCloy's picture

Im going to the Caribbean for Christmas and have to go through JFK and I CANNOT wait to opt out.

Anyone interested here is Ron Paul telling Congress about the bodyscans yesterday "Don't Tread on us Bitches"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwsdq69AHnw

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:14 | 738440 MeTarzanUjane
MeTarzanUjane's picture

Thank you patriot. HR-6416, "American Traveler Dignity Act".

http://paul.house.gov/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1796&Ite...

Washington, DC
203 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, DC 20515
Phone Number: (202) 225-2831

Write your rep and demand passage of HR-6416.

https://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:52 | 738396 flaunt
flaunt's picture

I'll bet pedophiles the country over are flocking to the TSA for their chance to grope a child.  After all, it's "legal."

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:20 | 738481 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Theyre flooding the TSA HR desk for applications as we speak. Here, listen in--> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kr4rNR3CdxY

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:55 | 738402 Young
Young's picture

I remember seeing this being announced on the tube... I couldn't help to LMFAO at first, then I wanted to weep - we can't even afford airport scanners anymore... But hey, as long as we keep buying ipads, ipods and ifuckingwhatever we'll be fine.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:56 | 738408 Rick64
Rick64's picture

Michael Chertoff, as head of Homeland Security, orders the first batch of porno scanners from a company called Rapiscan Systems. After his departure, Chertoff gave dozens of interviews using his government credentials to promote the device. What he didn’t tell people was that Rapiscan was one of the clients of his consulting company, The Chertoff group.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 14:58 | 738417 ShankyS
ShankyS's picture

WB7 This is your moment. I hope to see your T-shirts on sale here very soon.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:10 | 738452 Scisco
Scisco's picture

I would love to see the TSA agent's face that would have to frisk a woman wear the guy's t-shirt. I also wonder if someone that is transgendered would get to pick which sex gets to frisk them.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:12 | 738457 theopco
theopco's picture

.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:14 | 738462 bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

I like it when my penis is touched.

It would be bad if it was "We're going to touch your penis AND have you arrested" That would suck

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:19 | 738478 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

It's no fun for them if they can't molest you and then throw you in jail. Have a heart.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:31 | 738488 bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

How awkward would it be for you if you were a TSA agent groping men with boners all day?

Job Description:

Your job duties will be to grab and stare at cock all day. Any questions?

Perhaps the TSA and SEC can merge into one?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:00 | 738663 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Hey now, that's a really good idea. Someone ought to forward that to the OMB as a cost savings. Might get you one of those Medal of Freedom things like Warren just got.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:20 | 738479 Shameful
Shameful's picture

Hmmm seem to remember that W said "they" hated us because of our freedoms.  Looks like we have that taken care of.  So doesn't that mean "they" won?  After all "they" hated our freedoms, so we chucked them.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:15 | 738722 Max Hunter
Max Hunter's picture

+1776.. I got a chuckle out of that.. :)

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 17:23 | 739043 honestann
honestann's picture

Yes, the terrorists won.

The terrorists are: Bush, Obama, congress, courts, and their masters at the FederalReserve.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:20 | 738482 Calculated_Risk
Calculated_Risk's picture

Start cutting raunchy ass farts everytime you get patted down...

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:23 | 738496 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Simple obvious solution to all of this, no one fly. What the hell does everyone need to fly all over the place for anyway? Revolt and just say no, make airports ghost towns and the TSA agents can fondle themselves all day.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:24 | 738501 DavosSherman
DavosSherman's picture

As an ex-airline captain with 15,000 hours and over 15 years banging around airports I assure you that this will NOT make the airlines any safer.

 

Janet Napalatano is a fucking MORON. Michael Chertoff is a corporate whore and so is Obama. Rapascan is a huge contributer.

 

This country has gone to the dogs. These morons should be tried for treason. Assholes. By the way a TSA screener at Logan (BOS) is wanted on child sexual assault charges. These fucking TSA morons can't even screen the mollesters they hire to molest ourselves, and our family.

Sick disgusting bastards. This is NOT a free America.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:27 | 738510 DavosSherman
DavosSherman's picture

Winthrop Police were searching this week for 45-year old Sean Shanahan, most recently of 26 Shirley Street apartment #3 on five charges including two counts of statutory rape, two counts of enticing a child and one count of indecent assault and battery on a child under 14, after the alleged victim’s parents reported finding disturbing and explicit text messages on the child’s cell phone.

“This individual (Shanahan) is someone who was familiar with the child,” explained Police Chief Terrence Delehanty. “It appears that this case began with a series of text messages and then progressed to other activities that included the statutory rape charges.”

Shanahan, a Transportation Security Administration employee at Logan Airport, has not appeared at his job in several days and has also not been back to his apartment on Shirley Street, following an initial search of his residence by police, which resulted in the confiscation of a computer and cell phone from his home.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:48 | 738599 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Thanks for that, Davos. Seriously. 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 22:12 | 739877 DavosSherman
DavosSherman's picture

? sorry if it offended you, I tend to get pissed off when they trash the 4th Amendment (illegal search) or that we have to give up rights to fly withing our border, or that these assholes have corrupted our bribed off Congress and ex-moron officials to rape up financially and then going through security.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:33 | 738534 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

A couple of hours before checking in, eat sauerkraut, pickled eggs, plenty of beans and wash down with a brew and a nasty taco - get ready to fire when ready and needed. 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:51 | 738614 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Weaponized bio-gas !!!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:53 | 738625 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

 hilarious and sick all at the same time..hahahahahah.  Wouldnt want to be sitting next to you on a 5 hour flight. 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:36 | 738551 curbyourrisk
curbyourrisk's picture

How about...."If we don't get off...You don't get on."

 

Can't take credit it for that...it was on Denningers post.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:41 | 738572 minus dog
minus dog's picture

Anyone else see the Washington Times bit on the TSA exempting women wearing a hijab, etc., from most of the new screening procedures?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 17:19 | 739030 honestann
honestann's picture

That makes perfect sense, since muslims could never be terrorists.

However, it also makes me imagine the lines at the airport with everyone (men, women, children) dressed that way.  Now THAT is a wonderful picture.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:48 | 738602 Ying-Yang
Ying-Yang's picture

Breaking News.....................................................

Department of Homeland Security and the TSA have apprehended three travelers inbound from Yemen at JFK Airport, 2 males and 1 female. Each suspect had suspicious explosives in or near their private parts.

TSA spokesperson Sarah Horowitz stated one of the males was found to have a latex penis extension filled to almost overflowing with PETN, an explosive used primarily in printer cartridges and underwear. The woman had a vaginal cavity search done and it is reported she had a silicone dildo packed with PETN stowed awkwardly inside. The last suspect, apparently bi-sexual, was reported to have endured the long trans-Atlantic flight with a PETN filled butt plug of gargantuan size. TSA agents successfully disarmed the suspected terrorists but endured loud and rancorous moaning by the suspects while they were disarmed.

One TSA agent who wished to remain anonymous stated the removal of the weapons of sexual destruction were painfully extracted. He said "It looked like it almost rectum." He since has asked to transfer over to the TSA's molestation station.

Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, has issued a new TSA security procedure in response to this bold act of terror by mandating cavity searches on all air travelers starting today. She said she knows this mandate will be invasive as she too personally flies with similar carry-with-ins but never thought to think such adult toys could be weaponized.

Congress will convene Friday to discuss these latest threats and attempt to determine how US citizens can fly and still take their toys. Harry Reid who will lead the caucus stated " Hell, what happens when I go through TSA screening... do I have to declare I am overly endowed or what?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:04 | 738675 outamyeffinway
outamyeffinway's picture

What the fuck is a "supicious explosive"?! Ah but that one's not. You may pass!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:20 | 738736 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Look. It's really simple. So long as you can make it ejaculate on demand, it's not suspicious.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:50 | 738608 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

Next flight, I am going to add a strap on just to see how well they check.  My response to a TSA query will simply be, "Two heads are better than one."

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:54 | 738619 sbenard
sbenard's picture

How DARE they! In this gender-neutral, politically correct era, they should have just said, "If you don't let us stroke your CROTCH, we'll have you arrested!" Now that's gender-neutral!

Who would have ever thought two years ago that we could have degraded ourselves so rapidly!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:56 | 738644 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

NFL Season

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 15:58 | 738655 nhsadika
nhsadika's picture

EVEN TAIWAN IS LAUGHING AT US NOW (they often animate their stories - this TSA satire is HILARIOUS) 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBL3ux1o0tM&feature=player_embedded

 

Tyler - feel free to include this in your post...

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:00 | 738661 Black Friday
Black Friday's picture

Free dum and just ice for all!

...And free cavity searches.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:10 | 738704 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

I JUST LOVE A GOOD PROSTATE STIMULUS!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:04 | 738674 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Just don't wash for a week and forget to whipe your ass when you take a dump before going to the airport.

 

Next, ACT SUSPICIOUS AND TIGHTEN YOUR ASS AND WALK SMALL STEPS!!

 

after that, tell me how it went ;)

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:12 | 738710 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Eat lot's of refried beans and onions, then ask for a pat down, and let them have it.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:17 | 738730 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

A gift that keeps on giving...

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:30 | 738781 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:39 | 738814 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

How does that oven thermometer thing work?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:32 | 738790 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

/

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:38 | 738806 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:36 | 738803 economessed
economessed's picture

My preferred expression of free speech is to cut letters out of aluminum foil (K, F, U, U, Y, O and C) and scotch tape them to my legs.  The U, F, K and C on the left leg, and the O, U, and Y on the right leg.

That should be sufficient to get the message across.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:42 | 738826 goldsaver
goldsaver's picture

I have the perfect solution to this problem. I wish I could take credit for it, but it was my nephew's idea. Make the TSA agent more uncomfortable than you. My nephew is gay. Not flaming gay, but gay nonetheless. I had warned him about the new scanner at my local airport and recounted how I had been groped during my latest travels. He told me don't worry, I got this. He latter called me and recounted how he, in a very manly manner, refused the scan and was instructed to submit to a pat down. He proceeded to the groping area and a male TSA agent, after explaining the procedure, got down in one knee in front of him and began touching him. My nephew let loose and in the gayest voice he could muster began moaning loudly and approvingly. The TSA agent instantly stopped the exam and escorted him thru the old metal detector sitting beside the body scanner. Instant gratification.

The second, and more dangerous option requires preparation and the expectation that you will be escorted out of the airport. Purchase a solid rubber dildo. 12-18 inches and no internal parts (wires, metal,etc). The day of your flight, wear tight fitting jeans and place the dildo in the anatomically correct location. Now you have the choice of going thru the scanner (you will be groped afterwards) or just opt out and get groped. Now, when the TSA agent grabs your crotch, just lean back, smile and let him touch all over your "manhood". Don't say a word, let him think he is giving you a boner. This works even better if you are a female. Watch the TSA goons face as she realizes you have a dong. Happy hunting!!

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 16:53 | 738867 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

Place Order:

Qty: [2]   If You Don't Let Us Touch Your BOOBS Shirt

Size: [XXLarge]

Customer Name:

  1. Janet Napolitano
  2. Elena Kagan

Customer Questions:

"Do they come in the unisex model?"

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 17:35 | 739069 honestann
honestann's picture

Hey, I have a pilot friend, and we figured a legal way around this farce... if anyone wants to fund a new startup.

The predator class avoid these obscenities by flying private flights.  That's one option... though somehow I think they'd find a way around a company that started to provide too many "private flights".  But as long as the business remained modest scale...

The other way to avoid this is to not even charge for the flight, which makes the trip non-commercial and totally exempt from this nonsense.  For example, we charge for some "special event" in the destination city... and provide the travel for free.  Why not make the event something like a "precious metals show" to stick it to them twice.

Somehow, those TSA terrorists must be stopped.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 17:50 | 739146 Djirk
Djirk's picture

What's the big deal? They buy you a drink and sweet talk you first right?

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 18:03 | 739148 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Indeed.  Government has truly jumped the shark by giving the terrorists their biggest win.  The complete abdication of the norms of what was once a free society.  To those that say: "Do whatever it takes to keep me safe" all that can be said is this..

Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both. - Benjamin Franklin

Meanwhile TPTB are slinging more than simply shit soup sandwiches with the addition of that dope called crystal dream to the menu..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKqW5o4idt8

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 18:36 | 739292 chindit13
chindit13's picture

"Yo, TSA Man, was it good for you, too?"

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 20:56 | 739667 bankonzhongguo
bankonzhongguo's picture

This John Pistole guy - the head of TSA - looks as queer as a three dollar bill.

Never mind Big Sis Napolitano.

Probably getting a big charge from watching all this unfold.

There isn't anything wrong with being gay, but the combination of repressed sexual identity and implementing national molestation practices under government decree is a bad combo. Better get to know the word fascist.

Not even the freaking Nazis did this crap.

Listen to the pilots.  Bolt the door.  Put a few guns on the cockpit if they want them. Buckle up and pass out the drink coupons.

Stop with the BS shoe parade, the PC random searches of kids and nuns and charge back the Chertoff radiation scanners.

TSA jack-booted moronic scumbags. 

Every last molesting one of them.

Where is the stoic TSA employee getting fired for refusing this crap? 

That's the next story.

 

 

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 23:44 | 740131 gameover
gameover's picture

I was told that all men see you naked I didn't think I had to provide a visual.

Thu, 11/18/2010 - 23:55 | 740150 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Passive and non-violent resistance is the way to deal with this nonsense.

"No, I won't submit to the body-scanner, and I won't let that person feel me up.  I will be happy to strip to my briefs/bra and panties right here, though."

They won't have any way to deal with you.  You're completely cooperative in that you don't object to the search, but for sure they're not going to have any control at all over a security line in which 10% (or, we might hope, 50%) of the passengers are stripping down to the skivvies.

Don't make it into a straight-on confrontation, and don't let them have their way in the interest of a joke.

Be prepared not to get where you're going, too.  If you do actually have to make that specific trip for some reason, don't even make the attempt.

Fri, 11/19/2010 - 00:04 | 740172 msjimmied
msjimmied's picture

Isn't it bad enough you guys got me buying metals in ingots instead of filigree? Now I am seriously worried about dropping off the youngest at the airport this weekend...he's a fiery one that one. Maybe I should stay at the airport till it's all clear, just in case he decks someone.

This is it. In future, I don't care how far it is, we DRIVE.

Fri, 11/26/2010 - 23:34 | 756866 ownself
ownself's picture

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