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Irish Stress Test Results, And Full Irish Financial Measures Programme Report

Tyler Durden's picture





 

And so the Irish bank sector is about to nationalized.

  • IRISH REGULATOR SAYS FOUR BANKS NEED EU24 BLN MORE CAPITAL
  • BANK OF IRELAND NEEDS TO RAISE 5.2B EUROS OF NEW CAPITAL
  • IRISH LIFE NEEDS TO RAISE 4 BILLION EUROS, CENTRAL BANK SAYS
  • EBS NEEDS TO RAISE EU1.5 BLN IN CAPITAL, REGULATOR SAYS
  • ALLIED IRISH BANKS NEEDS TO RAISE EU13.3 BLN IN CAPITAL

More details:

  • Irish Central Bank used BlackRock to conduct the loan portfolio test (basically the whole thing is a sham)
  • Irish Central Bank sees €13.2 billion potential capital loss from deleveraging
  • Irish stress tests see 10.5% core tier 1 ratio in base case; see 6% core tier 1 ratio in adverse case
  • Irish Central Bank says each bank to have loan deposit ratio of 122.5% by 2013
  • Irish Central Bank says banks have to deleverage EUR72.6bln by 2013

Full report below (link):

The Financial Measures Programme Report

 


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Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:31 | Link to Comment Abitdodgie
Abitdodgie's picture

Bullish news

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:40 | Link to Comment Crisismode
Crisismode's picture

You only need to know 2 things:

 

(1) Just BTFD.

(2) If there is no FD, then it was all priced in.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:19 | Link to Comment Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

(3) BTFS Today's spike is tomorrows dip

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:31 | Link to Comment TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

I'm waiting for the run.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:44 | Link to Comment camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

is it snowing over there or something?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 14:16 | Link to Comment Fearless Rick
Fearless Rick's picture

+1 blarney stone kiss

Absolutely, fucking brilliant.

As the memorable Stan Lee would say, " 'nuff said."

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:06 | Link to Comment rocker
rocker's picture

Is that a run on the banks.

AT least the Irish have the balls to tell the bond holders, Fuck You.   Something Americans lacks, Balls and Knowledge.

Americans only understand what the news media tells them.   Bullshit Noise.  I live in a stupid society.

This pretty much guarantees PM's move upward. Did anybody notice how much money Bloomberg reported that we gave to China and Foreign banks.  Go Bloomberg.  They also pointed out that Lloyd Blankfein lied under oath about the window borrowings. Blankfein said they were there once. Not True. Perjury???  Yup !!!

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:27 | Link to Comment Dr. Porkchop
Dr. Porkchop's picture

http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2011/mar/27/dutch-bankers-bonuses-axe...

 

The Dutch scored a small victory with ING Bank, centering a campaign around Twitter, threatening to withdraw their money unless they axed the banker bonuses... it worked. Not bad... where's the fortitude of the American people?

 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:32 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Fortitude and American no longer belong in the same sentence.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:44 | Link to Comment Dr. Porkchop
Dr. Porkchop's picture

It's the only way anything will get done. The lawmakers in the US have proven to be all equally worthless. The only thing they fear is a run on the banks. Of course, in the new totalitarian America, the organizers of such an act would be branded domestic terrorists and the goon squad would come and burn them alive in their own homes. Never mind the fact the bankers used the exact same tactic (threatening to remove billions, trillions) if the government didn't release bailout money. You can commit such acts when you're a suicide banker.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:48 | Link to Comment I Am The Unknow...
I Am The Unknown Comic's picture

Apparently congress has decided that the word "perjury" may not be used to describe The Bernank, Blankfein, or any other bankster.  Instead, please use the newspeak words "partial information," as in "Partial Information = Truth." Remember; if Mr. O'Brien says that 2 + 2 = 5, then it equals 5 damnit!  Now Mr. Winston Smith, don't step out of line again or else you may be called before congress to testify about your blashphemous, terrorist behaviour.  Say hello to Meredith Whitney for me while you're there... 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:56 | Link to Comment Dr. Porkchop
Dr. Porkchop's picture

Ignorance is Strength

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:12 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Hopefully the Irish are wearing diapers today.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:19 | Link to Comment Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

They are prepared for the runs ;)

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 13:13 | Link to Comment Joeman34
Joeman34's picture

...in your trousers?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:34 | Link to Comment unwashedmass
unwashedmass's picture

 

well, let me buy a bushel of euros on this "good" news.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:34 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

 

Not to worry. TEPCO says groundwater in Fukushima has 10,000 times legal limit of radiation. Ireland can sell whiskey to Japan.

(and if TEPCO says it's 10,000x it's probably 1 million x)

 

Radioactivity 10,000 times the limit found from groundwater: TEPCO

 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 22:57 | Link to Comment Element
Element's picture

When NHK goes quiet on reporting it (as they have today), and the video of the site stops, you can bet some really bad shit is developing there.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:32 | Link to Comment tmosley
tmosley's picture

I guess we'll see what the DAX does this afternoon.

US markets don't look too happy.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:43 | Link to Comment Robot Traders Mom
Robot Traders Mom's picture

Wow...AAPL in another bloodbath today. Down almost $1, and probably only solvent for another 6 months. People continue to dump these shitty tech stocks realizing they are living on borrowed time.

Meanwhile, silver and gold doing nicely as people continue to realize what true wealth is...

You can go to yahoo finance and pull your own dumb little chart in Apple, like Robot does to get an idea of what blood on the streets looks like in graph form.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:50 | Link to Comment Bleeping Fed
Bleeping Fed's picture

AAPL down less than 0.5% is a bloodbath?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:58 | Link to Comment Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

According to Robo, "Silver getting slaughtered" when it was down .2% yesterday in interday trading.  Slaughter and bloodbath are just common nomenclature at this point.

Buy the Fucking Dip, as I am going to dip my balls in it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gR1hI_Ikuv8

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 13:30 | Link to Comment Robot Traders Mom
Robot Traders Mom's picture

Well said Doctor.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:34 | Link to Comment jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

24 Billion EU is a drop in the bucket. JCT....open the spigot....

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:38 | Link to Comment traderjoe
traderjoe's picture

Approximately 15% of Irish GDP.

Billions, trillions of 'money' being thrown around these days. Those numbers have definitely lost their meaning.  

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:43 | Link to Comment Cleanclog
Cleanclog's picture

Irish Central Bank says banks have to deleverage EUR72.6bln by 2013

Wouldn't want to own Irish real estate in any form with that statement.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:52 | Link to Comment A Man without Q...
A Man without Qualities's picture

What it gives you an idea of is just how rich a bunch of Irish property developers got on the back of this lunacy....

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:41 | Link to Comment Milstar
Milstar's picture

True but I suspect most of those developers reinvested all their earnings for even more homes and projects.  

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:57 | Link to Comment DavidC
DavidC's picture

Not to me they haven't, not since I found out that even spending £1 miilion pounds a day every day since the birth of Christ (i.e. 2011 years!), I would still not have spent £1 trillion pounds.

DavidC

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:51 | Link to Comment JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

Good one! 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:29 | Link to Comment docj
docj's picture

Approximately 15% of Irish GDP.

Insanity.  The Irish people are absolutely out of their minds if they consent to this (aka, not "Go Iceland").

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:53 | Link to Comment JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

Let the banks go under. Of course that may start the "contation" the bankers fear so much.

Good I say. It's coming at some point anyway.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:02 | Link to Comment High Plains Drifter
High Plains Drifter's picture

do you remember when jerry the king lawler slapped  andy kaufman  on the david letterman show?  ha ha ha ......

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:34 | Link to Comment Rhone_Ranger
Rhone_Ranger's picture

Maybe they can borrower the bearded eggplant's printing press?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:33 | Link to Comment RobotTrader
RobotTrader's picture

PigMen will be profiting from this event, as they are always pre-positioned properly by taking advantage of inside information provided courtesy of Brian Sack.

Heh, any wonder why Sotheby's is skying today?

More fancy artwork to be purchased, in order to impress the Ukranian escorts who will be arriving to The Hamptons in a few weeks....

Who would have figured that the biggest country bank debt bust in history would have created a bull market in fine art?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:36 | Link to Comment HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

I flagged you as junk because only a loser would try to impress an escort.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:50 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

HelluvaEngineer for the win!  That is the best comment of the day by far.  Dust off the "Fuck your couch, Bernanke!" t shirts, you win comment of the day!

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:41 | Link to Comment bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

Yes you are correct.

Ukranian escorts have a visceral penchant for Gustav Klimt and the likes.

They can identify an artist based on just several brush strokes and all the financial services employees are just willy dilly to impress them. That must be the reason for the strong bid under BID.

Your analyses is second to none.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:40 | Link to Comment Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

Tyler can we please have an ignore button?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:41 | Link to Comment gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

+++

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:45 | Link to Comment Wynn
Wynn's picture

mouse scroll wheel works well enough

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:52 | Link to Comment Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

Not well enough to block momo charts. Feels like yahoo forums *cringe*

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:00 | Link to Comment JacksBalanceSheet
JacksBalanceSheet's picture

Derp

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:35 | Link to Comment lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

They should just access the NATO reserve (aka frbny) discount window.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:36 | Link to Comment nobusiness
nobusiness's picture

Don't worry, expectations were for 25 Billion Euros

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:34 | Link to Comment John Bull
John Bull's picture

EUR/USD unch. Incredible... 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:39 | Link to Comment Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

Race to the bottom. Dollars just as shite as euros.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:47 | Link to Comment vas deferens
vas deferens's picture

No, Dollars are worse.

 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:45 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

This is a logical fallacy.  Both are not viable means of exchange, if the fact that they are not actual stores of wealth is taken into account, which it should be.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 13:13 | Link to Comment tmosley
tmosley's picture

Exactly.  Which pattern of ink is better?  Which is the superior grade of paper?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 13:28 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Which has the better portrait?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:34 | Link to Comment luk427
luk427's picture

Tepco CEO failed stress test.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:45 | Link to Comment Cash_is_Trash
Cash_is_Trash's picture

LOOOL

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:35 | Link to Comment ghostfaceinvestah
ghostfaceinvestah's picture

Sorry, this is a little bit OT, but worthwhile reading:

http://www.americanbanker.com/issues/176_62/bank-pay-1035218-1.html?ET=a...

All Through the Crisis, Average Bank Pay Grew at Pre-Downturn Clip

American Banker  |  Thursday, March 31, 2011

Print Email Reprints Feedback

The past few years have been very rewarding for bank employees.

OK, maybe not the government rescues, stagnant loan books, layoffs and litigation. But none of these disasters hurt pay at banks.

A review of call reports filed with the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp., compiled by BankRegData.com, shows that average compensation in the last few years rose — and at the same rate as it did before the crisis. Employees of the largest banks realized the largest gains. The increases significantly outstripped inflation and can't be attributed solely to shifts in pay schemes or recovering profitability. Banking in general shielded pay from its cost-cutting ax.

Because the gains are not restricted solely to banks' highest earners, the issue may be less politically fraught than CEO compensation packages or trader bonuses. But the trajectory of pay is nonetheless remarkable given the broader industry turmoil that accompanied it.

"Companies set up internal compensation structures in part to protect themselves and employees from the vagaries of the labor market, so it's not unusual that compensation wouldn't track the market perfectly," said Peter Capelli, director of Wharton Business School's Center for Human Resources. "But it's sort of strange that after the worst crisis in modern times, you see wages rising."

The clear trend, in both nominal and absolute terms, is up: Over the last eight years, average compensation for a full-time bank employee has risen 35% to $83,050, twice the rate of inflation. In 2003, the banking industry's 1.3 million full-time employees took home $78.3 billion. In 2010, it's 2.1 million employees took home $168.1 billion...

 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:41 | Link to Comment Kickaha
Kickaha's picture

This  is more evidence of the real forces driving corporate compensation and bonuses:  The more fraud you can stomach and facillitate, the more money you earn.

Please note that this theorem is also entirely consistent with the conventional wisdom that the more profits you can earn for your company, the more deserving you are of increased compensation.

I admit that this construct falls apart in an atmosphere of legal enforcement, but it is nevertheless sound when applied to the real world.

 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:37 | Link to Comment pendragon
pendragon's picture

hands up who thinks this will be it capital wise....

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:37 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

So give it to them. Nothing changes.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:36 | Link to Comment kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

Nationalize and then what?  They are still short capital to support debt that can never be repaid, no?  Just like the rest of the west.  Debt jubilee... or World War.  Only one of these two are realistic.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:41 | Link to Comment Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

They were eager to jump on libya....

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:46 | Link to Comment kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

Yup... everyone will be picking dance partners for the next 6-12 months.  It's been coming for a long time... pumping up the housing market bought some time to establish a better position around the oil. 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:50 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

World War sooner or later...

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:36 | Link to Comment assumptionblindness
assumptionblindness's picture

And those are the stressless-test 'optimistic' numbers?  Ugh!

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:37 | Link to Comment Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Didn't they have a printing press at their disposal to print at will?

What happend?

Can't the machine print fast enough?

Does it need a overdrive powerchip?

Need for Speed?

INSTALL SOME NOX IN IT YOU FOOLS!!

 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:37 | Link to Comment nobusiness
nobusiness's picture

It's all fun and games until noone pays debt back

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:40 | Link to Comment crosey
crosey's picture

Fed bails out EU as payment for NATO taking the lead on Libya?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:43 | Link to Comment BigJim
BigJim's picture

I suspect all these Fed discount windows and currency swaps to other CBs are contingent upon their respective nations helping prop up the American empire.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:41 | Link to Comment Cleanclog
Cleanclog's picture

Again, I predict QE3 will be Fed buying sovereign debt -  Irish, Greek, JGBs etc  and our domestic sovereigns - local and state munis.  Just imagine what will happen when 10 year Treasury yield returns to more normalized historical average of 6% (currently 3.5%).  What if we see inflation like the '80s, where the 10 year averaged about 10%.  Wonder what Irish, Greeks, Montgomery County and Illinois would have to pay to roll debt then?  Earlier this week  http://bit.ly/gEqN0D

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:43 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Not a chance.

Jamie Dimon & Blankfein's successors already have their sites set on the juicy business of 'financing' local units of governments. They will own the joints (literally own the bridges and water treatment plants).

Their best customers will be the subprime ones.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:09 | Link to Comment Cleanclog
Cleanclog's picture

It's a very disquieting thought to consider banksters in charge of my drinking water quality.  But I'm sure your'e correct that they do have a plot, I mean plan, to continue screwing people for profit.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:17 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

I'm just basing my call on the fact that the Bernank told Congress that the Fed would not bail state and local units of government out, and then Jamie Dimon was spotted stealthily speaking of juicy defaults to come, as of yesterday.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:34 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

February 25, 2010

“We’re not going to monetize the debt,” Mr. Bernanke declared flatly...

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2010/feb/25/bernanke-delivers-warning-on-us-debt/

 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:41 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

MMM...Brains....BRAAAAAIIIIINS!!!!!!!!!

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:41 | Link to Comment max2205
max2205's picture

Time to PRINT....use the cloud!!

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:45 | Link to Comment Count Laszlo
Count Laszlo's picture

Nice one!

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:42 | Link to Comment monopoly
monopoly's picture

Ignore button. LOL. Luv it. Hmmm. Not a bad idea.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:42 | Link to Comment TradingJoe
TradingJoe's picture

The ALL Mighty Printing Presssssssss! Nothing Else Matters!

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:00 | Link to Comment DavidC
DavidC's picture

What printing press? They've just got some chimpanzees pressing zero keys on computers - easy and the wages are low.

DavidC

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:44 | Link to Comment Count Laszlo
Count Laszlo's picture

I heard the Vatican is loaning at 2.5%.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:57 | Link to Comment dearth vader
dearth vader's picture

... and in good faith!

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:42 | Link to Comment pendragon
pendragon's picture

who picks up the tab for this?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:44 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:45 | Link to Comment Count Laszlo
Count Laszlo's picture

That's easy... You do!

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:48 | Link to Comment pendragon
pendragon's picture

i guess ultimately..but which agency writes the check to the banks?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:44 | Link to Comment 99er
Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:46 | Link to Comment CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

Never Ever Forget The Swaps.

It is the swaps that drag down German and French banks if these Irish banks default.

It is astonishing to me that Ireland is not informing the EU players that "bailout" will consist of **grants**.  Not loans.  **Grants**.

"If you want your banks to avoid the problems of their swaps blowing up due to our banks defaulting, then let's retire the debt on which the swaps apply.  Yes, retire it.  Pay it off.  Not with a loan.  With money you will GIVE us.  Tomorrow."

 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:51 | Link to Comment tallen
tallen's picture

And the Ponzi scheme goes ON! BTFD.

Now, to go back to watching porn and buying S&P Futures.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:52 | Link to Comment willien1derland
willien1derland's picture

Wonder when Blackrock will offer a new ETF for Irish Banking -

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:34 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

I wonder when Blackrock will offer a new ETF for Chechnian prostitutes.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:54 | Link to Comment SDRII
SDRII's picture

Something deeply ironic about the early innovator in MBS now crowned the next king of wall

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:05 | Link to Comment AN0NYM0US
AN0NYM0US's picture

more irony

The parent of BlackRock is BlackStone. The 'Black Stone' happens to be the famed Muslim relic located in Mecca ( http://sakina.wikidot.com/the-black-stone )

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:46 | Link to Comment Jreb
Jreb's picture

Timmmmberrrrrrr!!!!!

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:38 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Woooolf!!!!!!

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:46 | Link to Comment Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

When is the 'shove it up your ass' mystery rally today?

I have some errands to run and don't want to miss it.  My guess is roundabout 1:30 pm EST.

 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:33 | Link to Comment Bubbles...bubbl...
Bubbles...bubbles everywhere's picture

As soon as oil hits $107.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:50 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Everything is going to be fine....just fine....go back to sleep now.  Shhhhh...go back to sleep.....

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:52 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Real number should be 75 billion euros.

There's an article at BBC that talks about how Ireland is literally selling its country out in the process to be deemed 'worthy' to get away with these results by EU.

Irish politicians literally just betrayed their own people.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:53 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

The Irish politicians got their MBA's (Master of Betrayal Arts) from U.S. CONgress; the finest school of Shophists and equivicators in the world.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:06 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Whores to the IMF pimp.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:51 | Link to Comment Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

75.888 vs 1.420

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:55 | Link to Comment Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

$2 bucks = 1 € next week?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:04 | Link to Comment Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

T'was top, look at the reversal. Lets see if it breaks thru 1.4172

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:06 | Link to Comment Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

let's hope not...

I've got a citytrip for 10 days lined out to new york at the end of this month with the family and I still need to buy dollars...

 

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:53 | Link to Comment Stockmonger
Stockmonger's picture

I thought an Irish Stress Test was a cocktail.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:11 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

I thought it was a dry county.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:20 | Link to Comment GoinFawr
GoinFawr's picture

One part Bushmills, two parts Jameson, purple koolaid from Jonestown to mix, and a shaker of formaldehyde from the jarred Oliver Cromwell's brain (a gift from the QofE) they have in the back store room.

If you can down two without puking you win a set of uilleann pipes.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:15 | Link to Comment Bill D. Cat
Bill D. Cat's picture

Sounds more like something from the Urban Dictionary .

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:54 | Link to Comment willien1derland
willien1derland's picture

What if you announce a set of Bank Stress Test results & nothing happens? - EUR/USD not budging an inch...

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:57 | Link to Comment tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

Silly banks.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 11:56 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture
Let the raping, pillaging, and subesquent responsive rioting begin: 03-31 11:50: ECB's Honohan says expects majority state ownership in all banks
Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:05 | Link to Comment dearth vader
dearth vader's picture

If the Banks own the Government owns the Banks, the Government = the Banks.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:12 | Link to Comment AnAnonymous
AnAnonymous's picture

Yep but only the government owning the banks is publically, officially and the rest acknowledged. That makes the government the weakest link.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:52 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Your indentured servitude must appear to be voluntary and legitimate.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:02 | Link to Comment rubearish10
rubearish10's picture

Wait: ECB rescues Irish banks = more printing = rising Euro = rising rates. Something is wrong with the equasion. Well, the USD takes the other side.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:04 | Link to Comment Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

wait its not friday 3:59 PM

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:13 | Link to Comment falak pema
falak pema's picture

Ireland declares the Euro illegal tender. Decides to marry the Iceland telemark.

Its going to be schuss all the way to the bottom. All bets are off as the Iceland volcano counts down for imminent launch. Not to be outdone by Japan's tsunami, Iceland has decided to HAARP a volcano erection/eruption of century breaking magnitude. The black and white minstrels have pre-warned their theater audiences in Piccadilly, London that they will wear all-black like the NZ rugby team, volcano emissions oblige.

I love these monday morning quarterbacking reports where everything is unwound in a mega-dump of statistics that tells you all the good-bad news and the problem solving restructuring necessary. Pity these guys never wrote these same reports before the event. Then, it was : we can't go wrong we are on a victory surge...let her rip! Well, well...

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:03 | Link to Comment writingsonthewall
writingsonthewall's picture

It's all fucked - the only ones who don't know it yet are the Schmucks.

Even Kramer has realised the error of his ways (although he tries to convince us he knew all along)

Talking heads are falling off and rolling away on the floor....

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:04 | Link to Comment nobusiness
nobusiness's picture

As of today the "Plunge Protection Team" will now be known as the "New High Protection Team" as any reduction in the wealth effect is unacceptable

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:05 | Link to Comment Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

I'm taking side bets that the market closes up 8 SPX handles and 80 DOW points.

Takers?  No?  Pussies.

You can already see it setting up for a 15 minute hijacking up 6 handles for no fucking reason.

The REITs are up anyway.  As usual, they have no exposure to the EU, Japan, or literally anything at all.  They just go up.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:09 | Link to Comment godzila
godzila's picture

Did does banks pass the previous stress test ?

I'm really surprised by the absolute calm in the FX and stock markets. Yet another "priced in" event I guess

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:14 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

They always pass.  Move along.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:12 | Link to Comment Lord Peter Pipsqueak
Lord Peter Pipsqueak's picture

Both EUR/USD and EUR/GBP at daily and weekly resistance,it will be very interesting to see how they perform over the next couple of weeks,but up until now, the Euro has totally ignored any bad news regarding the PIIGS.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:13 | Link to Comment Lord Peter Pipsqueak
Lord Peter Pipsqueak's picture

Both EUR/USD and EUR/GBP at daily and weekly resistance,it will be very interesting to see how they perform over the next couple of weeks,but up until now, the Euro has totally ignored any bad news regarding the PIIGS.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:15 | Link to Comment vote_libertaria...
vote_libertarian_party's picture

Soooooo...no news?  Markets show no movement.

 

(although an opposition member is now dissing the stress tests)

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:18 | Link to Comment writingsonthewall
writingsonthewall's picture

Has anyone pointed out to the witless bankers that most stress tests are based on historical events (911, Suez crisis, 2008 credit crunch etc.)

 

What are the chances the 'next' crisis will be even similar to any of these?

 

This is where the bankers are clowns and the politicians are clueless. The hedge funds produce the VaR number and they think they're covered. The reality is that the only accurate probability is the next crisis will be improbable.

 

Someone should tell them about Black Swans and why the morons cannot 'mathematically predict' future crises.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:21 | Link to Comment SDRII
SDRII's picture

Who knew, got scared for a minute: Irish Central Bank says no SR Bond Impairments assumed. Out of kindness will give tha banks time to raise private capital.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:24 | Link to Comment Lord Peter Pipsqueak
Lord Peter Pipsqueak's picture

Anyone know whether these stress tests take into account the subsequent delinquencies if interest rates were to rise from current historically low levels?

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:27 | Link to Comment Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

Markets are....POSITIVE!

WHEEEE, I knew they could do it.  Yippee.  Thank you, again, for fucking over my kids future!

God bless you, Bernak.  You are one misunderstood mother fucker, I'm sure.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:28 | Link to Comment rubearish10
rubearish10's picture

And, of course the price of Earl is now irrelevant $117/$106.50.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:31 | Link to Comment apeakunderthehood
apeakunderthehood's picture

 

Fed Speak... Gotta Know The Enemy

 

http://apeakunderthehood.blogspot.com/2011/03/fed-speak-gotta-know-your-...

 

 

Enjoy hedgers

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:39 | Link to Comment Weimar Ben Bernanke
Weimar Ben Bernanke's picture

Are you a broke EU nation or a state running massive deficits near bankruptcy? Are you facing riots,austerity measures that are not workin? Or having entitlements that are bankrupting you? Have now fear just call 1-800-BEN-CASH and you will receive fresh dolla bills print by the Chairsatan himself Zimbabwe Ben!  All your problem will go away with Ben's cash. He will just print,print,print!!! 1 trillion,2 trillion,15 trillion? No problemo! So all your problems will go away. Say goodbye to riots,austerity,and bankruptcy! So call 1-800-BEN-CASH! It is 1-800-BEN-CASH! With an offer this good inflation is the least of your worries. So say goodbye to default and hello to endless Ben Cash!

Results May Vary.

1-800-BEN-CASH is not responsible if the cash is worthless or if you face inflation. Side effects of Ben Cash include PM skyrocketing,food prices explode,and hyperinflation. If you have any of these symptoms call   1-800-IMF-CASH or start a war. If not declare default.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:50 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

bahaha!

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:59 | Link to Comment JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

Should run on the bankster channel 24 hours a day.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:44 | Link to Comment Singularity
Singularity's picture

If you think this is notable news then you aren't paying attention.  A 9.0 earthquake impacting one the largest world economies, a near-Chernobyl nuclear disaster, Middle East turmoil and the markets are humming along smoothly.  Do you think the market at large gives a crap that we have yet another data point supporting Ireland is a failed state?  Think again.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:45 | Link to Comment oogs66
oogs66's picture

Asides from the stress tests likely being way too optimistic, they aren't forcing the banks to manage their liabilities better.  Capital is one answer, but more longer term debt is also helpful.  Its a drag on earnings as you pay more, but you are not at the mercy of having to roll over your debt in times of crisis.  Why not force banks to raise more long term debt and rely less on short term financing?  It makes a huge difference.

Oh wait, maybe because governments all fall into the same trap!  We have some of the lowest rates in history, but we insist on funding a disproportionate amount of our debt inside of 3 years because its oh so cheap.  That need to constantly refinance will bite us in the *ss!  Even if Ben continues to buy most the debt anyways.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:51 | Link to Comment JR
JR's picture

I think that what’s ahead is default on the bankers’ Ponzi  schemes.  The bankers’ flurry of paper  –“ “Sorry, you can’t understand all these technicalities but you owe us this” –  will be received with oaths of “Take your papers and go, we’re not going to pay another penny.”

Ponzi schemes don’t last forever. Reaction has been slow in coming because the bankers control the media and the politicians, but increasingly, people are waking up.

IMO, the bankers can’t continue a Ponzi scheme that requires the  middle classes to give up all their value and hopes and dreams, to a scam.  Already, the Irish are saying, “Don’t pay the bankers.”  And the German voters are saying,” You’re using our tax money and production to pay, not Greece, but the bankers.  No more!”

It gets to an extreme where the two classes - the class of public opinion and its accompanying politics and the class of self-described too-big-to-fail bankers - clash over the excesses of the central banks. It's happening now in Ireland and the German elections.

To me, the most critical factor in this whole dilemma is the value that has been created by producers and by workers, i.e., the value in the property they own and save and utilize, in their lives and families, in their accomplishments...  The bankers cannot continue to cheat and print and shuffle paper unless this value is used to pay the servicing of these Ponzi schemes.  One of the characteristics of a Ponzi is that it collapses -- it is not perpetual motion that goes on forever and ever.  All Ponzis in history have collapsed because they begin to eat the participants.

And the more force the swindlers use to enforce their Ponzis, the more they lose the support of the body of the people… and the opposition ratchets up.  When a man is hit, he wants to hit back; and the more he’s pounded, the more he wants to pound back.  That’s a natural reaction.

We’re now seeing it in the ME revolutions; people demonstrate peacefully, the dictator picks up the ringleaders and puts them in jail; the people say the dictator must go, and then he shoots the people with water cannons and rubber bullets…and then real bullets – and the crowd swells to a fever pitch, and the power of the people forces the despot to leave.

IOW, if the bankers turn the army against the American people, they have an American Revolution on their hands.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 14:37 | Link to Comment Fearless Rick
Fearless Rick's picture

You know, I agree with almost everything in your post, except the last line. There will be no American revolution. People are drug-addled, dumbed-down, force-fed, dependent upon food stamps and SS payments.

If any American stands up, he/she will be shot. Americans have to do what the bankers have done: CHEAT, LIE, STEAL, with both hands, from the oppressors.

After all, it is the American way.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 12:51 | Link to Comment sangell
sangell's picture

Irish mortgages 90 or more days behind 5.7%

Irish unemployment rate 14.7%

Those numbers are incompatible with the US experience. Then we have the Irish government removing, reducing various subsidies, benefits and employment as part of austerity plan to reach primary surplus by 2014.

I don't think they have seen the half of it as far as home mortgage defaults and bank writedowns go.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 14:59 | Link to Comment Eireann go Brach
Eireann go Brach's picture

Americans have their fucking head in the sand watching reruns of  Jersey Shore and American Idol, all the while listening to Obama feed them bullshit on their Ipads. When financial crisis round 2 comes, perhaps people in this country might wake up.

Thu, 03/31/2011 - 22:52 | Link to Comment Element
Element's picture

* IRISH REGULATOR SAYS FOUR BANKS NEED EU24 BLN MORE CAPITAL


So sick of this crap

"...but the interest bill [i.e. interest on the previous massive bailoutz (one of them anyway), which they PROMISED to be the VERY LAST] in effect is an additional 1.7 billion euros, about. I can understand why taxpayers are outraged at having this additional interest to take. But you have to look at the fact that as a state we are already borrowing 19 billion [euros] more than we are spending on ourselves. So put the figure in that context, it is a manageable figure. ..." - Irish Finance Minister Brian Lenihan, Oct 1 2010

These banker crims and their pets in the legislatures will never stop - not voluntarily.

There is always another fucked-up excuse ... always another promise ... that this is, "weely, WEELY da last time" ... the last bailout ... evah! ... WEELY! ... I   W E E L Y  MEANS IT ... DIS TIME!

The last banker hand rummaging in your pocket, and gnashing your dick.

By the same people who have much, much more than enough, and more than they will ever need, or be able to reasonably spend.

This is not about making them richer, they don't need it.

Nope.

This is about making you POORER.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!