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Jim Cramer's TheStreet Now Resorting To $500/Hour Psychics For Stock Picks

Tyler Durden's picture




 

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Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:00 | 92870 koaj
koaj's picture

BOOOO yah!!!!

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 14:37 | 93184 bpj
bpj's picture

Jim Cramer said that Lenny Dykstra was an investing "legend". nuff said.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 15:37 | 93293 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

Now they just got every last soap opera watching housewife to empty their coffee can and dump into bank stocks.  Too funny.  This is going to end very badly.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:03 | 92875 bruce wayne
bruce wayne's picture

"I'm a psychic so I don't know"

Priceless.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:36 | 92947 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Ha ha ha... priceless indeed Batman... Ooops I just gave your secret identity away....

Sun, 10/11/2009 - 03:23 | 95732 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

The best way to spread confusion is through idiots. Look at how effective congress is at it.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:03 | 92876 Dixie Normous
Dixie Normous's picture

Now THIS is the type of sell signal I can sink my teeth into!

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:07 | 92883 Village Idiot
Village Idiot's picture

 I'm really getting tired of these "talking head" types.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:06 | 92884 deadhead
deadhead's picture

does he still have a buy on CIT?  how about Bear Stearns?

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:07 | 92889 Project Mayhem
Project Mayhem's picture

This week in rofl!

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:09 | 92892 Hephasteus
Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:09 | 92893 lsbumblebee
lsbumblebee's picture

Is that guy speaking from inside Cramer's ass?

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:14 | 92905 Village Idiot
Village Idiot's picture

They make one of those plastic ball things for gerbil's.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:25 | 92927 mitack
mitack's picture

Is the echo-chamber-effect that makes ya think so ?

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:34 | 92939 lsbumblebee
lsbumblebee's picture

No. I just thought it was another thing that Cramer pulled out of it.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:09 | 92895 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Very large phone bill in your very near future.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:13 | 92902 bugs_
bugs_'s picture

Salted calls.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:17 | 92913 Village Idiot
Village Idiot's picture
Chef: [singing] Say everybody have you seen my Balls/Theyre big and Salty and brown./If you ever need a quick pick-me-up./Just put my Balls in your mouth./Ooh, suck on my Chocolate Salty Balls (Stick em in your mouth)/Put em in your mouth and you suck em and you suck em.
Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:15 | 92909 TumblingDice
TumblingDice's picture

dont understand; WHY?

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:15 | 92910 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

WOW. I don't know if we all should laugh, cry, or quit the business. I'm speechless. Though, most insiders already know that Jim Cramer for years has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disease and has been taking a large amount of drugs for it. So, with this information, should this really be a suprise. The interviewer should of asked him what he thought about Jim Cramer's Bi-Polar disfunction?

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:16 | 92912 Keyser Soze
Keyser Soze's picture

6 months: weird lady 1, Rosie 0

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:19 | 92915 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

Gold will hover around a 1000 for a very long time.

1059 ^13 Now thats some nice hovering.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:19 | 92916 reading
reading's picture

try psychotic...

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:22 | 92921 lynnybee
lynnybee's picture

thank you for that posting. it brightened my day.  i laughed so hard.   no wonder this website is so popular & fun ......... sincerely..........

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:22 | 92922 lynnybee
lynnybee's picture

thank you for that posting. it brightened my day.  i laughed so hard.   no wonder this website is so popular & fun ......... sincerely..........

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:23 | 92923 Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

What is the difference between an Economist and a Psychic...payment in cash upfront and palm reading extra.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:24 | 92926 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Roflmao

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:29 | 92929 AN0NYM0US
AN0NYM0US's picture

Pelosi Says House to Consider Extending Home-Buyer Tax Credit

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=abdeJothOA5w

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:29 | 92930 Ragnarok
Ragnarok's picture

What's the ratio of stocks at 52 week highs?

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:29 | 92931 digalert
digalert's picture

WTF? I see green poops!

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:30 | 92932 Pimp Daddy
Pimp Daddy's picture

He's at least more believable than Cramer

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:31 | 92936 Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

Arianna Huff is gunning for Geithner's head.  which would open door for?

a) Roubini

b) Taleb

c) Lloyd from HBO

d) Jon Stewart

e) Valerie Jarette

f) Jon Thain

g) Dick Grasso

h) Soros

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:43 | 92953 Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

Isn't it Lloyd's turn? I think he's got a lot of stock to sell and could use the cap gains exemption.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:54 | 92978 Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

Aha...so that's Obama's big Gay announcement!!! Lloyd from Enterouge will be the new Treasury!!!

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 22:52 | 93770 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

What about this guy to replace Geithner?

He's certainly got the "confidence" thing mastered.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:33 | 92937 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

"I feel like they're doing it right now... they're unstoppable."

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:35 | 92944 sondog
sondog's picture

Wow what a stupid industry I decided to dedicate my life to. FML

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:36 | 92948 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

The psychic is "hearing" the voices correctly, but apparently doesn't understand that they are being completely sarcastic.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:37 | 92950 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Has anyone heard the radio ads hocking Cramer's "action alerts plus" subscriptions? Per his shitty website:

Action Alerts Emails: I’ll email you before every single trade and tell you exactly why I’m making each move so you can learn and become a better investor yourself

What a scumbag.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 13:11 | 93015 Medic
Medic's picture

And if you act now, I'll include this super-duper, genuine, high-quality juicer / pocket fisherman / slicer-dicer.

 

All for just the low, low asking price of.......

 

This is what we have come to.  It's no wonder most of my hope has vanished.

http://medic-thelightofday.blogspot.com/2009/09/returning-hope-i-bought.html

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 22:42 | 93766 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Sham-Wow

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 15:08 | 93243 Handle with care
Handle with care's picture

Easy business as he only needs to write a single email to cover all trades:

"Dear valued investor,

 

I will be purchasing  *** stock tomorrow as its an obscure company, which means none of you actually know anything about the company and its low volume which means it will start rising when all you subscribers start buying after this email arrives.

 

This allows me to sell the much larger number of shares I bought yesterday at a handsome guaranteed profit.

 

By losing on this trade you'll learn that the market is rigged by people like me and when your account is empty you'll be a better investor as you'll never again have a losing trade.

 

Tradeliciously,

 

Cramer

If you're investing in the stock market and aren't sure who the sucker is, let me be clear, its always you

Fri, 10/09/2009 - 02:34 | 93878 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

I heard one the other night on latenight AM talk radio........what an IDIOT!!....he must be getting extrmely desperate. You would think the idiot would just go away after John Stewart reamed him a new one. His ego, apparently, outweighs whatever sense he may have once possessed.

The dude made his money manipulating analysts during the tech bubble. Please, go away.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:38 | 92951 Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

At least he's not the lead underwriter for WFC bonds.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:39 | 92954 richardprice9
richardprice9's picture

I'd put my money on Lloyd Blankfein of GS.  After Skeletor and Turbo Timmy, wouldn't this make sense?

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:42 | 92960 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

Did you know the US government once sued 40 barrels and 20 kegs of Coca Cola?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_v._Forty_Barrels_and_Twenty_K...

Martin Armstrong teaches me weird things.

I am Chumbawamba.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:46 | 92965 mlope1616
mlope1616's picture

I know that the people on this site are probably not Cramer's target audience and that his "purpose" is to entertain and educate newbies, but once these guys get just a little bit of insight towards investing they quickly realize he's a clown.... his business model is doomed to fail in the long run no?

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:53 | 92975 Village Idiot
Village Idiot's picture

"there is a sucker born every minute". His model looks sound to me.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 13:00 | 92994 lsbumblebee
lsbumblebee's picture

There's no explanation as to why he's lasted this long, other than he serves his master well.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 20:36 | 93658 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

How can you say his business model is doomed when a new "client" is supposedly born every minute?

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 12:54 | 92977 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

sad thing is.....

he's probably right

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 13:03 | 93000 Fruffing
Fruffing's picture

Citi "has some interesting things coming up on the horizon."   No argument there...

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 13:20 | 93025 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

I like the formula. They are all going to buy something and it's going to be good for them and maket them alot of money. I think they are all going to buy the farm.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 13:11 | 93014 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

This is absolutely CRAZY,,,,, We are in one gigantic game of musical chairs now......make sure and have a seat when the music stops!

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 13:12 | 93016 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

At least Lloyd finally grew some....

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 13:43 | 93059 Cheeky Bastard
Cheeky Bastard's picture

o_O

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 13:54 | 93081 Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

Hi CB: missed your bitch n slap leadership!

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 14:33 | 93178 Cheeky Bastard
Cheeky Bastard's picture

Sqworl, dudette ; WhereTF is your avatar ...

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 14:53 | 93214 Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

Someone on ZH connected the dots...I had to go stealth...

How's it hanging CB?  I went extra long today on vitamin "C"...Vampire Squid tested negative on nutrients...x

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 14:58 | 93228 Cheeky Bastard
Cheeky Bastard's picture

What dots; dont say that someone on ZH found out your real name/employer/address 

 

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 15:04 | 93232 Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

affirmative...who knew!  its asw fo sho!

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 15:21 | 93262 Cheeky Bastard
Cheeky Bastard's picture

bummer, didnt know WS was such a tight knit community.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 15:37 | 93290 Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

Changing name and avitar tonight...find me!

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 14:01 | 93096 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

TSC was once the leader in online financial web sites, now its a hollow product. Real Money, Silver and stockpicker have splintered the brand. What's left is just silly stuff and even the premium services don't seem worthwhile. Any serious market player need only read the "Zero Hedge Reads" section along the left panel to get far better analysis. Ron Insana has a premium product called Market Movers? come on Jim...

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 14:05 | 93111 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

It's inside Cramer's head... So funny.

Let's not forget Cramer's CIT conviction buy. Can we give him an award for that?

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 14:43 | 93200 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

I have no idea how to respond to this. I'm tempted to laugh but my stomach suggest puking.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 15:20 | 93259 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Why is TheStreet.com producing this content???

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 16:29 | 93385 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Your assumption this is a $500/hr psychic is a bit generous. Lets start with $20/hr and work from there.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 16:45 | 93413 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

jim "the housing crisis ended june 30th" cramer...

what a twit....

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 17:48 | 93507 VanWinkle
VanWinkle's picture

These psychics any good with college football spreads? Better yet, can they help me correctly pick all of the numbers from one of those multi-state Super Lotto games so I can get a +$100MM jackpot?

I'd love to tune out the markets for a while.......

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 20:23 | 93651 Lux Fiat
Lux Fiat's picture

Cramer on BSC:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUkbdjetlY8

Any amateur viewer who didn't smell the coffee after that deserves to take a bath.

Thu, 10/08/2009 - 21:42 | 93708 Missing_Link
Missing_Link's picture

JESUS CHRIST THIS HAS GOT TO BE A FUCKING JOKE

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!