JP Morgan - Buy The Dips... Unless Things Turn South, In Which Case Don't

Tyler Durden's picture

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Bylinka's picture
Bylinka (not verified) Feb 1, 2010 10:18 AM

Thanks Tyler, I couldn't stop laughing. Regards, Alex

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

".......JP Morgan comes out this morning with the conclusion that investors should buy the market unless things turn bad."

That line alone is priceless. Talk about hedging your bet. Any reply I might have beyond that line would be like shooting fish in a barrel and only make me look bad, almost like I'd be picking on poor old JPM.

Number 156's picture

So when did Dennis Kneale start working for JPM?

Anonymous's picture

TD - think the puking baby you're referring to is the eTrade baby.

Looking forward to the day when I can contribute more to this site than firming up pop culture references...

Anonymous's picture


Carl Marks's picture

It will rain tomorrow. Unless it doesn't.

Daedal's picture

Someone got paid to compile this nonsense.

Anonymous's picture

of course - the big banking "talent".

Anonymous's picture

Given that GS (on behalf of JPM?) may find itself either prop chopped or cut off from 0% feed to their schemes – things sure look unstable to J(6pack)PM.

However dumb&dumber both firms have become...

So as long as GS blocks reform - feel free to buy this market. Should they fail, things might turn bad. One never knows what these bully kids might contemplate when all their lollipops pop out. Gee, we could even see a big sucking sound.

Handle with care's picture

This is like the Tom Mix quote, "To make money in the stock market buy stocks and then sell them after they go up.  If they don't go up, don't buy them."


Also love that in JPM land Euro weakness is a good thing as it, "remove one of the headwinds for European exporters." without apparantly creating a headwind for US exporters.  Maybe they're modelling the best of all worlds in which both the Euro and Dollar fall against each other simultaneously 

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

LP Morgan and company is simply tailoring their pronouncements for the specific audience. Sort of along the lines of a President tailoring his foreign country (bashing) rhetoric for "domestic consumption" and not because he really means it.

They treat us as fools because we are fools for going along, regardless of whether it's JPM or our so-called national leaders.

CONners's picture

"...stocks trade on 11.5x this year’s earnings, in addition to the EPS integer moving up."

Is 11.5 their current integer? Jethro Bodine with a sixth grade education could do better than this.

Trifecta Man's picture

Just chart the QQQQ against its 20-week or 100-day moving average.  Go back to the year 2000 to see what it would have done for you.  It predicted the rally in 2009, and it now predicts the trend is down.  Ignore this at your own peril.  Don't listen to JPM.

Anonymous's picture

I am absolutely right, unless I am wrong!

Miles Kendig's picture

And Wall Street still wonders why Main Street has lost confidence in the ability of bankers to think critically... 

Ripped Chunk's picture

Forever in debt to your priceless advice

Anonymous's picture

China: tightening or (stealth) soft landing?

wackyquacker's picture

no brainer. Buy low and sell high

dnarby's picture
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.

- Will Rogers