JP Morgan Pours More Cold Water On Stress Test Credibility, Sees Anything Less Than 25% Haircut On Greek Bonds As A Joke

Tyler Durden's picture

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Hondo's picture

What about US debt..what kind of haircut should that come in at??

SheepDog-One's picture

US debt? Apparently there is no such thing. Damn the torpedos, printing presses full speed ahead!

MarketTruth's picture

They can not and MUST NOT mark the devalued paper to reality as the Federal Reserve illegally purchased over $1000 billion of Fred/Fann. As such, if any real mark down happens then the Federal Reserve's massive fraud will have to appear on their balance sheets. This is why the US government is playing games with fred/Fann not being IMPLICITLY guaranteed by the full faith yet they keep saying the devalued paper is good and yet it MUST NEVER appear on the national debt.

It is accounting fraud pure and simple by the US government forced by the criminal treasonous private central bank US Federal Reserve.

unwashedmass's picture


you have to harsh so mean...about the Greeks...our debt, of course, is pure gold.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

"...our debt, of course, is pure gold."

Yup, and our shit don't stink, our woman are all virgins and our men are all (obviously virgin) studs. :>)

Problem Is's picture

"Our shit is worth GOLD.... your shit is worth shit..."

Traianus Augustus's picture

Euro bank bogus stress test haircuts - 30%

US bank bogus stress test haircuts - 40%

A complete western financial collapse - PRICELESS

VK's picture


JPM should be marked to bankruptcy. Hey JPM how's the 78 Trillion in derivatives treating you? Oh and since the US is so on the recovery track, would you kindly mark all your assets to reality, so that everyone can see just how damn useless and insolvent you are.

Traianus Augustus's picture

Sarcasm button now off.

sheeple's picture

super catch! thanks

Robslob's picture

JPM must have not had a chance to put in their "buy" orders before this info was released...

How dare the ECB release this without consulting JP Morgan Chase first!

bugs_'s picture

"A Greek Haircut"


Clayton Bigsby's picture

That's like doing crash-testing on a car, but saying "well, we don't need to test head-on crashes"

Dr. No's picture

Just apply the formula: Take the number of Banks in the field, A.  Multiply it by the probable rate of [Bank] failure, B. Multiply the result by the average out-of-court settlement to bond holders C.  A x B x C=X, If X is less than the cost of a Bailout, we don't do one.

Jeff Lebowski's picture

Well played, Dr. No.  Well played, indeed.

Problem Is's picture

"Are there a lot of these kinds of bank accidents?"

"Which central bank do you work for?" 

carbonmutant's picture

The credibility of a stress test is directly related to the number of people who accept it.

No doubt the end of the month press release will need to be tweeked with a few investor opinion surveys.

George Costanza's picture

There are green shoots sprouting all over Europe.

LeBalance's picture

Let's try numbers more like:


Greece: -35% / -50% / -80%

Spain: -25% / -35% / -55%

UK: -20% / -30% / -50%

(the opt on UK being 0%): let's put the index down our throat!

And these numbers are in Chocolate Happy Land, where fiat is Unicorn Skittles.

SheepDog-One's picture

Why are UK bonds suggested at a 0% haircut? I thought a few weeks ago the big story was about how Greek debt was nothing compared to UK debt problems? And when will their all seeing eye of Horus shift its gaze to US debt which is basicaly not even calculable? I know I probably just made up a word, but so what? At least I dont have a couple quadrillion in debt!

Risk OFF!

ElvisDog's picture

Completely ridiculous. The whole point of a stress test should be to test for *all* possibilities including a sovereign default. Even if it's a 5-sigma event or whatever BS probability they may want to assign to it, wouldn't you want to see what the consequences would be if it did happen? It would be like analyzing a levee for Cat 4 hurricanes but not Cat 5 because Cat 5's are unlikely to occur. Oh, wait, isn't that what we did before Katrina.

carbonmutant's picture

The whole point of a stress test is to provide the illusion of credibility.

firstdivision's picture

+googleplex to the person above


The levees were only built to sustain a Cat3 hurricane, and Katrina was actually a Cat4 when it hit NO.


Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I got a laugh this morning as I listened to CNBC while readying for work. Becky, Joe and Carl were talking about the "stress test" and Becky and Joe both agreed that regardless of whether it was a "real" test or just a marketing ploy, as long as it worked (meaning as a marketing ploy) it was good.

Even the artificial sugar is being accepted as "real" as long as the sweet tooth is satisfied.

BTW there was a quick shot of Carl rolling his eyes. I wonder if Carl was thinking about his very young twin girls and what kind of future is in store for them.

Problem Is's picture

"shot of Carl rolling his eyes..."

Becky or Joe probably farted... or went off teleprompter (mental fart)...

GlassHammer's picture

Those in glass banks shouldn't throw sensitivity tables.


Problem Is's picture

"JP Morgan Pours More Cold Water On Stress Test Credibility..."

Dimon... bitchez... THE Name in Hypocrisy
JPM, the biggest beneficiary of Tiny Timmay's worthless, cheese dick stress tests...

Says what?????

herry's picture

Really  this is a great post from an expert and thank you very much for sharing this valuable information with us..................... windows vps | cheap vps | cheap hosting | forex vps