JP Morgan Says It Had A Perfect Trading Second Half In 2010, Lost Money On Just 8 Days In 2010, Made Money On 96.9% Of Trading Days

Tyler Durden's picture




 
0
Your rating: None
 

- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:52 | 964262 lettuce
lettuce's picture

after reading this on bb when it popped across, i knew only moments later it would show on here.

 

Goldman WHO?

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 16:08 | 964588 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Pop?

WHY DO YOU ACCUSE THEM OF INSIDE TRADING KNOWLEDGE?!

 

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 16:24 | 964668 cunningtrader
cunningtrader's picture

Correct Headline: 

JPMORGAN MAKES MONEY THANKS TO BENDOVER GIVING THEM TAXPAYER MONEY FOR FREE

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 17:38 | 964979 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

It reminds me of the All-Drug Olympics:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/4090/weekend-update-all-drug-olympics

I am Chumbawamba.

Wed, 02/16/2011 - 13:49 | 967280 Spirit Of Truth
Spirit Of Truth's picture

JPM and the effective IBs were tasked with restoring the nation's 401Ks by Helicopter Ben and they've are being paid handsomely for their cooperation in this Fed assault on free and fair markets.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:53 | 964270 NOTW777
NOTW777's picture

do they have a line item for profit from wrongful foreclosures on military

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 16:26 | 964676 Zedge Hero
Zedge Hero's picture

Yeah it's right next to the one for food stamps.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 20:02 | 965316 Arkadaba
Arkadaba's picture

and food stamp cards

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:55 | 964278 Alcoholic Nativ...
Alcoholic Native American's picture

nice!

//goes to check on his pot roast

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:55 | 964279 HamyWanger
HamyWanger's picture

They are good, and so what???

Are you jealous of their success in stock trading???

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:57 | 964298 Alienated Serf
Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:28 | 964444 homersimpson
homersimpson's picture

LOL. Sounds just like him. Always repeating his "strong economy" mantra. BTW - who was stupid enough to give him a 99% community rating? Oh yea - when you're surrounded by the financially inept, Robert Kiyosaki sounds like a God.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:47 | 964509 Alienated Serf
Alienated Serf's picture

same icon too...

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:02 | 964324 nwskii
nwskii's picture

If they are so fucking good then why do they need trillion dollar bailouts from the taxpayer, If things are so AWSOME as you claim then why is the USA 14+ trillion in the hole?? I could go on but everyone knows your on Bernanke's payroll to puke garbage on this site.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 17:40 | 964985 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

I am going to go against conventional wisdom here and state that I believe JP Morgan had a great year because they really are that good.

That being said, I also have a huge cock and I'm currently fucking Lady Gaga on weekends between gigs.

I am Chumbawamba.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 19:30 | 965245 DosZap
DosZap's picture

Lady GAG GAH?

Your one sick puppy...........LOL

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:10 | 964363 lieutenantjohnchard
lieutenantjohnchard's picture

hamywanger: when you can't find two ply toilet paper.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:13 | 964378 topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

You guys fall for hamy.everytime!

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:17 | 964393 A_MacLaren
A_MacLaren's picture

So with ALL the volatility in the May-August time frame, only 8 days of trading losses?

I smell a Market Manipulator.

 

Wed, 02/16/2011 - 02:12 | 965962 The Navigator
The Navigator's picture

Rigged Casino - heads they win, tails you lose.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:30 | 964449 lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

I agree Hamy. People are just angry they can't be like JPM. Happy days are here and I am growing weary of all of these sorry pusses. Can't believe you got mobbed junked.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:47 | 964510 cosmictrainwreck
cosmictrainwreck's picture

keep up the good work, Hamy - you always make my day :)

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 17:13 | 964895 Bob
Bob's picture

He is funny.  And the only intentional commedian who has made it at ZH.  Hamy!

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 20:05 | 965323 Arkadaba
Arkadaba's picture

Hamy is a satirist - think Swift:

http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:55 | 964281 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

that's why they don't need reserves.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:19 | 964405 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

COGS are nearly zero, they write the rules, they are self-regulated; they damn well better be make a killing.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 17:13 | 964888 AccreditedEYE
AccreditedEYE's picture

+1 Buzz. LOL  Did you (or anyone) hear Allen Meltzer's interview on Bloomberg today? God forbid these bastards hold more equity capital (north of 20%) and be accountable to anyone.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:56 | 964288 Sutton
Sutton's picture

I thought they were getting killed in silver.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:14 | 964381 tickhound
tickhound's picture

Catherine Austin Fitts when asked if silver could bust JPMorgan "No. They could feel it but,... JPMorgan is the US government, and the US government has nukes"

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 21:41 | 965535 El Hosel
El Hosel's picture

    ...." getting killed in silver."

     When they lose it is laid off on the taxpayers, we are all now short Silver....  Hi Ho Banksters, they get free ho's on the tax payers.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:55 | 964289 SashaBelov
SashaBelov's picture

And when are they gonna disclose their balace sheet and let us see, that any investment that is not working for them is just pushed aside?

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:56 | 964295 oddjob
oddjob's picture

During those 8 days the offices must have been on fire,...or something.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:57 | 964297 SpeakerFTD
SpeakerFTD's picture

Big deal.  So did RobotTrader and HarryWanger.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:59 | 964305 MonsterZero
MonsterZero's picture

Congrats JPMorgan.  You're either a winner or a loser, they seem to be doing well, how are you doing?

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:41 | 964484 Josh Randall
Josh Randall's picture

Not doing too bad Chump - because I probably have more Silver than they do, and I didn't even get a Tax Payer Bailout or 0% interest loans.   

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:49 | 964521 MonsterZero
MonsterZero's picture

bailouts by citizens 0% loans.. all part of the game.  Look at Ireland giving corps lower tax rates than other countries.   This is simply a non-nation party participating in the game humans have played in for centuries called "Control the World".  Long live the truly free market where laws are made to benefit some, no sympathy for the majority.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:00 | 964311 SpeakerFTD
SpeakerFTD's picture

Wow.  I am watching President Obama, Nobel Peace Prize recipient, give Warren Buffett, a Medal of Freedom.

I just threw up in my mouth.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:13 | 964374 Cruel Aid
Cruel Aid's picture

How about a go fuck yourself medal for some of those douchbags!

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:21 | 964413 Alienated Serf
Alienated Serf's picture

mega lulz

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:34 | 964465 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

They can give each other citizenship awards all day long till they get scholeosis. But they can never get the trust back.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:59 | 964313 Hugh G Rection
Hugh G Rection's picture

buy silver! Make these fucking crooks go bankrupt covering, and put that bitch Blythe out on the street selling her ass for $5 a trick.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 16:39 | 964749 I Am The Unknow...
I Am The Unknown Comic's picture

FIVE DOLLARS for Blythe?!?!?   ummm...do I get a beer with that?

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 14:59 | 964315 tickhound
tickhound's picture

There is no reason for jpmorgan to have any down days.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:00 | 964317 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

With Joe Sixpack and corporate insiders no longer playing, who is on the losing side of all those trades?

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:08 | 964355 Prof Gulliver
Prof Gulliver's picture

The American taxpayer.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:22 | 964416 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

In the form of the Federal Reserve.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:49 | 964519 anyways
anyways's picture

Bingo!

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:01 | 964318 HarrisonBergeron
HarrisonBergeron's picture

Shouldn't there be a doctoral student at U of Chicago working on a thesis on how this is not statistically possible? Doesn't Steven Levitt love that type of analysis Oh wait, that would be instant blacklist for life.

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:18 | 964400 A_MacLaren
A_MacLaren's picture

+9 Standard Deviations

Tue, 02/15/2011 - 15:23 | 964420 AndrewJackson
AndrewJackson's picture

Good one...lol

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!