JP Morgan Says It Had A Perfect Trading Second Half In 2010, Lost Money On Just 8 Days In 2010, Made Money On 96.9% Of Trading Days

Tyler Durden's picture

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lettuce's picture

after reading this on bb when it popped across, i knew only moments later it would show on here.


Goldman WHO?

Sudden Debt's picture




cunningtrader's picture

Correct Headline: 


Spirit Of Truth's picture

JPM and the effective IBs were tasked with restoring the nation's 401Ks by Helicopter Ben and they've are being paid handsomely for their cooperation in this Fed assault on free and fair markets.

NOTW777's picture

do they have a line item for profit from wrongful foreclosures on military

Zedge Hero's picture

Yeah it's right next to the one for food stamps.

Alcoholic Native American's picture


//goes to check on his pot roast

HamyWanger's picture

They are good, and so what???

Are you jealous of their success in stock trading???

homersimpson's picture

LOL. Sounds just like him. Always repeating his "strong economy" mantra. BTW - who was stupid enough to give him a 99% community rating? Oh yea - when you're surrounded by the financially inept, Robert Kiyosaki sounds like a God.

nwskii's picture

If they are so fucking good then why do they need trillion dollar bailouts from the taxpayer, If things are so AWSOME as you claim then why is the USA 14+ trillion in the hole?? I could go on but everyone knows your on Bernanke's payroll to puke garbage on this site.

chumbawamba's picture

I am going to go against conventional wisdom here and state that I believe JP Morgan had a great year because they really are that good.

That being said, I also have a huge cock and I'm currently fucking Lady Gaga on weekends between gigs.

I am Chumbawamba.

DosZap's picture


Your one sick puppy...........LOL

lieutenantjohnchard's picture

hamywanger: when you can't find two ply toilet paper.

topcallingtroll's picture

You guys fall for hamy.everytime!

A_MacLaren's picture

So with ALL the volatility in the May-August time frame, only 8 days of trading losses?

I smell a Market Manipulator.


The Navigator's picture

Rigged Casino - heads they win, tails you lose.

lunaticfringe's picture

I agree Hamy. People are just angry they can't be like JPM. Happy days are here and I am growing weary of all of these sorry pusses. Can't believe you got mobbed junked.

cosmictrainwreck's picture

keep up the good work, Hamy - you always make my day :)

Bob's picture

He is funny.  And the only intentional commedian who has made it at ZH.  Hamy!

buzzsaw99's picture

that's why they don't need reserves.

hedgeless_horseman's picture

COGS are nearly zero, they write the rules, they are self-regulated; they damn well better be make a killing.

AccreditedEYE's picture

+1 Buzz. LOL  Did you (or anyone) hear Allen Meltzer's interview on Bloomberg today? God forbid these bastards hold more equity capital (north of 20%) and be accountable to anyone.

Sutton's picture

I thought they were getting killed in silver.

tickhound's picture

Catherine Austin Fitts when asked if silver could bust JPMorgan "No. They could feel it but,... JPMorgan is the US government, and the US government has nukes"

El Hosel's picture

    ...." getting killed in silver."

     When they lose it is laid off on the taxpayers, we are all now short Silver....  Hi Ho Banksters, they get free ho's on the tax payers.

SashaBelov's picture

And when are they gonna disclose their balace sheet and let us see, that any investment that is not working for them is just pushed aside?

oddjob's picture

During those 8 days the offices must have been on fire,...or something.

SpeakerFTD's picture

Big deal.  So did RobotTrader and HarryWanger.

MonsterZero's picture

Congrats JPMorgan.  You're either a winner or a loser, they seem to be doing well, how are you doing?

Josh Randall's picture

Not doing too bad Chump - because I probably have more Silver than they do, and I didn't even get a Tax Payer Bailout or 0% interest loans.   

MonsterZero's picture

bailouts by citizens 0% loans.. all part of the game.  Look at Ireland giving corps lower tax rates than other countries.   This is simply a non-nation party participating in the game humans have played in for centuries called "Control the World".  Long live the truly free market where laws are made to benefit some, no sympathy for the majority.

SpeakerFTD's picture

Wow.  I am watching President Obama, Nobel Peace Prize recipient, give Warren Buffett, a Medal of Freedom.

I just threw up in my mouth.

Cruel Aid's picture

How about a go fuck yourself medal for some of those douchbags!

Hephasteus's picture

They can give each other citizenship awards all day long till they get scholeosis. But they can never get the trust back.

Hugh G Rection's picture

buy silver! Make these fucking crooks go bankrupt covering, and put that bitch Blythe out on the street selling her ass for $5 a trick.

I Am The Unknown Comic's picture

FIVE DOLLARS for Blythe?!?!? I get a beer with that?

tickhound's picture

There is no reason for jpmorgan to have any down days.

Bam_Man's picture

With Joe Sixpack and corporate insiders no longer playing, who is on the losing side of all those trades?

HarrisonBergeron's picture

Shouldn't there be a doctoral student at U of Chicago working on a thesis on how this is not statistically possible? Doesn't Steven Levitt love that type of analysis Oh wait, that would be instant blacklist for life.