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Learning to Love the Carrot and the Stick of Personality Journalism

Marla Singer's picture


Dear Tyler:

I'm very concerned about our readership of late.  In the wake of recent publicity I want to call your attention to a few figures that I believe might spell doom for Zero Hedge.  Doom.  Pure and simple.

I know what you are thinking, but I want you to forget for a minute that crap about the statistical illegitimacy of wielding a single commenter (or even an anecdotal few) against Zero Hedge as a measure of a population that numbers over 100,000 readers.  That falls right into the "fact trap" as I call it.  Facts trap us.  They limit us to a particular demographic and make us slaves to topics we cannot control any more than we can control the facts.  Our anemic growth since January is proof of that.  What is important in today's media is anecdotal data.  It is richer, deeper, (once we add our fluffy prose) and fits better in prime-time print with glossy pages.  One well-told story about a fringe commenter is significantly more penetrating than a regression of our entire audience.  Further, it commands the interest of a wider range of readers (particularly those uncomfortable with numbers or charts).  We are losing the publicity battle in the mainstream press here.  True, efforts to assail our content and long missives (often error plagued) targeting some of Zero Hedge's messengers have yielded little fruit, but this new approach, attacking our readers, is frightening and dangerous.  You see, apparently "day traders" make up the majority of Zero Hedge's audience.

True, it is not completely clear what "day trader" means in this context (it is possible this refers to individuals who manage their own portfolios rather than dump their assets into long-only 401k funds like smart, patriotic investors are supposed to) but I have reason to believe that they are generally considered "losers" and otherwise unsuitable degenerates.  This appears to be connected to the dot-com crash.  I really have no solid data to back this up, but, you see, data makes no difference.  This is the insidious nature of this attack and we must respond quickly.  I have, therefore, undertaken an anecdotal analysis of our audience to pinpoint other weak points and pools that may contain high concentrations of short-sellers, precious metal devotees, former index fund investors, "retail investors" (I have used 5 definitions of this term to be expansive) gypsies, jews, homosexuals and former members of the band "Air Supply."  Obviously, if word leaked out of these associations our readership would plummet and we may face regulatory sanction or even prison.  This is not all.  I have also discovered several other categories of undesirables infest the ranks of our readers, contributors, our tipsters, and those with whom we regularly correspond.  These include:

  • Buy-Side investors (for instance, major hedge funds).  Zero Hedge regularly fields tips, hints, compliments, critiques and the like from dozens of brand-name buy-side firms weekly.  The addition of our hot-line has only intensified the flow of these sorts of tainted communications.  We must immediately replace this pool with an agreeable group of other "financial journalists" with whom we can meet late mornings and discuss reactions to our most recent stories about other financial publications and how to cover and spin those reactions among our journalistic mutual-admiration cult.
  • Short-Sellers.  Zero Hedge regularly communicates with the heads of two highly unpatriotic "short-bias" funds.  The potential exists that we may be charged with high-treason if these communications came to light.  I recommend we destroy all evidence of these communications and replace them with fabricated emails to and from Fox Business.
  • Principals and those with actual P&L responsibility at high-profile hedge funds.  Zero Hedge regularly communicates with the principals of over a dozen hedge funds which would be recognized as "famous" in financial circles and "highly dangerous" elsewhere.  Even the most conservative count of these (that I have done back-of-napkin just now) would put their collective AUM between $75-$100 billion.  Taking the firms of non-principal level individuals we regularly correspond with or talk to into account would easily triple this figure. Talking to those with the ability to actually direct funds is madness.  We must instead shift our communications to so called "policy-makers" and the press-offices of various big-name firms along with their public relations personnel.  This is where the most critical market news is to be found.  We must join the race to get the first hint of the next press release to "scoop" our peers.  This, in turn, will finally get our calls to the official appendages of large firms returned.  In this way we can repeat in four ways the content of a lone press release in a single article, substantially decreasing our workload.
  • Legislators. Zero Hedge regularly corresponds with the staff (senior and otherwise) of a number of Senators and twice as many U.S. Representatives.  Our off-line comment to these individuals, by their own admission, often colors hearing questioning and other legislative testimony- sometimes nearly word for word.  If we are not careful, we could actually be associated with these upstart "reformers."  We must replace these discussions with pleadings to the White House's press secretary- the real source of appropriately toned news in the country.
  • Bankers and Traders.  What limited logs we keep of Zero Hedge's web traffic are filled to the brim with the "who is who" of financial firms including every large investment bank worth mentioning and at least 100 hedge funds.  I am sorry to have to tell you this includes Goldman Sachs.  We must immediately replace these hits with random surfing from the Texas Correctional system.

I don't need to tell you how damaging it would be if our other readers were to learn that they are in the company of hundreds if not thousands of people who manage hundreds of billions of dollars professionally- and probably a large number of investors who run their own portfolios for more than the allotted 10 hours required to pick this year's mutual funds.  Some of these people will even claim that Zero Hedge is "mandatory" daily reading for them if pressed by the FDIC.  (Also, I recommend we redirect all web traffic from the FDIC, SEC, Fed, Treasury, the White House and related institutions to so as to provide a more serene content set and to avoid alarming these institutions- though we should make sure to block any access to "The Black Hole".  This only accounts for about 2-4% of our current traffic).

Given this dire threat to our existence, continuing to concentrate on our content is madness.

We cannot continue to be, simply put, the only forum where these degenerates can find raw, unvarnished discussion and analysis on financial markets.  We cannot always get it right and this dooms us to allegations of "rants" or "paranoia" or "conspiracy."  In addition, when we do manage to catch a story, and get the underlying issues spot-on, issues which had not theretofore seen the light, we fill the cups of our critics with material on which to report.  Our work keeps them in play.  If we were only to stop this practice they would be forced to return to covering the appearance of conflicts of interest by Ben Stein, or the importance of pornography in the economic recovery.  You will notice that this "cup overflow" effect has been true for High Frequency Trading, Flash Orders, the recent AIG scam, documented evidence of past gold manipulation by the Federal Reserve, the Citi short squeeze, half a dozen insider trading cases and countless other nuances of finance no one else would otherwise bother to cover.  Trusting our readers to sift the content that matters to them is clearly playing into the hands of our enemies.  It also thins the ranks of important journalists and upstanding members of the financial community like Dennis Kneale.  This sort of approach only results in quotes like this one from Daily Kos:

Note that I'm linking to Zero Hedge here, not because I endorse the editorial theme of the blog at all, but because they are the only place I could find that carries the original document in toto.

I know you will realize we cannot exist without the support of sites like Daily Kos.  We need to stop publishing documents that cannot be found elsewhere.

I feel forced to add that readers (and our critics) have begun to detect something of a shrill, annoyed tone to our prose, even a dry cynicism.  They clearly sense what can only be described as a collective disgust with the manner in which financial "markets" have descended into absurdity.  It does not take a genius to perceive this.  It marks us as malcontents and therefore makes our facts and figures irrelevant.  Adopting a mild, pleasant tone and masking any negative angle is essential to our image at this point.  To this end, and through my back-channel connections at CNBC, I have secured the cooperation of a doctor willing to prescribe us Thorazine™ suppositories in quantity.

You will also notice that recent coverage has attracted the anger of our readers and others.  The allegation that this coverage is the same tired, personality-based "journalism" that is presently failing CNBC, produced by the same carrot and stick, flattery and threat investigative methods (I gather they teach these "how to handle a source" lessons in the first semester of Journalism school) that make a mockery of the fourth estate is likely to make mainstream outlets angry with us.  We cannot allow this.  You will recall that we ignored similar urgings of certain reporters recently.  Allow me to refresh your memory: "Thanks for all the off-the-record help on that piece from before.  By the way, to pay you back, I've decided to write about you now.  Of course, it might not be so flattering without your help.  How about you let me tell your side of the story?  Give me an exclusive and you might be able to get your word out in my story maybe.  It is not too late and you might as well since I'm doing the story anyhow.  Our photographer wants to meet with you. A story about the larger team?  The dozen or so senior staff and forty plus contributors? About your work and how you do it?  Booooring.  Look, it is up to you how you end up looking in print and the kind of story I write.  Hello?  Hello?"

I'm not sure we should have hung up so quickly on that one.  We could have totally had our moment in the sun and inflated our egos if we hadn't blown that.  I really wonder, at this point, if merely going back to work to educate a bunch of evil "day traders" is in the best interests of the site.

Yours in Readership Purity,

Marla Singer


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Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:12 | 84715 digalert
digalert's picture

Gypsy? hey, I resemble that remark. e-mail me the new super secret scoop call in #.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 12:28 | 85305 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Evocative piquant defensive sarcasm duly noted as
Mr Market fit hits the shan.

To paraphrase All American Merrill Market Analyst BF,
"Weep not for the individual hedge fund day trader who
thinks for herself"

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:14 | 84716 Mos
Mos's picture

off topic but HFT is being covered on Daily Show atm.


"So douchy traders are being replaced by douchy computers?"

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:17 | 84717 OrganicGeorge
OrganicGeorge's picture

Off topic but the Daily Show just did a story on HFT

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:18 | 84719 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

I'm not a daytrader

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:19 | 84720 one_fell_swoop
one_fell_swoop's picture

I yearn for the day when ZH commentary reflects that of CNBC, Cramer and my more enlightened Keynesian colleagues.  My current cognitive dissonance is giving me a headache, requiring ever greater quantities of beer to ignore.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 09:13 | 85044 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I had nothing to do with your headache. It was Pigpen and Lizzy36 making out behind the dog house.

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:23 | 84727 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

i love carrots

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 06:09 | 84947 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

i love sticks

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 07:47 | 84985 I need more cowbell
I need more cowbell's picture

I love the stick. Please include a red mouth ball, and wear a leather mask also.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 09:57 | 85093 Biff Malibu
Biff Malibu's picture

in southern illinois these are also known as "ball gags"...

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:24 | 84731 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Maybe I can build a army of cheap computers that can do the trading during the long 5 minute waits for fishes to nibble on the bait of the ask price.

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:26 | 84734 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Amen, love the cynicism and unbridled truth.

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:27 | 84735 Gilgamesh
Gilgamesh's picture

For the last time, it was ABBA - not Air Supply... I thought you said you were a fan? 

Now you go and out me.  I finally see how journalism works; all brown-nosing before the article, and then nothing but slander in the real piece.  And, for the record, we prefer 'Goldbugs' or 'Armageddon Paranoid Wingnuts" to "Precious Metal Devotees."

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:29 | 84737 D.O.D.
D.O.D.'s picture

yeah, but you can't eat it...

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:20 | 84807 SV
SV's picture

It does bend when you bite it.  I find that I fall in the "otherwise unsuitable degenerates" category.  Must have something to do with that crappy song that I have in my head that keeps going "on and on"...  Oops, I'm showing my age - another demographic no-no.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:12 | 84857 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

You certainly can't snort any cocaine with it.  Damn.

I am Chumbawamba.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 12:03 | 85049 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

D.O.D. I know you speak in jest but you may recall some fine dining restaurants a few years back serving various desserts that were sprinkled with shaved Gold. I believe it was the sign of the market top if I remember correctly.

So there, put that in your ice cream and eat it. :>p

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 09:17 | 85050 SWRichmond
SWRichmond's picture

And, for the record, we prefer 'Goldbugs' or 'Armageddon Paranoid Wingnuts" to "Precious Metal Devotees."

Hear, Hear!  Proudly wear the label, my friend!  I think Marla was being kind....wait, did I just say that?

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:29 | 84738 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

I believe you have a bad case of megalomania.

You might want to try a dash of humility.

Hubris and pride generally come before an ugly fall.

See Eliot Spitzer.

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:57 | 84781 Marla Singer
Marla Singer's picture

Difference is, we don't fuck call girls.

(Well, I don't... I guess I can't speak for the rest of ZH).

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:12 | 84801 Mos
Mos's picture

Damn, you just ruined so many reader's fantasies in that one sentence...

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:23 | 84810 SV
SV's picture

+1, coupled with the fact that everytime I listen to her spin I see Bellatrix Lestrange.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:13 | 84802 QuantumCat
QuantumCat's picture

As long as you don't screw day traders... that's the exclusive domain of the FED and the US Treasury (and their lean six sigma consultant for market intervention... GS) 

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:34 | 84868 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

Well then, I'm glad I'm not a call girl.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 09:30 | 85069 Cheeky Bastard
Cheeky Bastard's picture

I am a Man I am...  former Spyker  engineer maybe ....  ( judging by your avatar )

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 11:25 | 85198 Philologus TaXitus
Philologus TaXitus's picture

I'm pretty sure his avatar is OSU coach Mike Gundy and his screen name is in reference to Gundy's rant against a sports journalist.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 11:49 | 85245 Cheeky Bastard
Cheeky Bastard's picture

who, what, where. im sorry but im kind of ignorant when it comes to american sport ...

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 12:15 | 85290 Green Sharts
Green Sharts's picture

Shortly after 2:25 is the punch line:  "I'm a man!  I'm 40!"

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 17:13 | 85734 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

I'm a man!  I'm 40!

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 05:43 | 84941 Cheeky Bastard
Cheeky Bastard's picture

you should go on, and fuck a call girl Marla, its a nice experience; i did it on a more than a few occasions ( people can get lonely; so any judgmental commenter can blow me )...

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 07:51 | 84988 I need more cowbell
I need more cowbell's picture

See, this is what is missing in the MSM. There is no feedback. Only in the blogosphere can you read a great article, see and contribute immediate feedback, and watch a thread de-railed into commentary about fucking call girls, with women ( well, cyber women, one never really knows ) no less.

MSM is so dead.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 08:34 | 85014 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Fucking call girls is the opium of the Zero Hedge devotee.

The blow-up dolls are for the FED.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 09:31 | 85070 Cheeky Bastard
Cheeky Bastard's picture

+ 10 on the power of  80 million

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 09:34 | 85073 DrPsycho
DrPsycho's picture

ok Marla, so what kind of girls do you fuck ?

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 12:47 | 85327 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Perhaps some ability for readers to select which users posts become blocking some...or only showing users with a 3 star out of 5 rating or higher...

some way to keep more quality posters more keep things more focused for those who wish to do that

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:29 | 84740 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

You'll know you've really made it when some MSM company offers to buy your site.

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:29 | 84742 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Brilliant, Marla.

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:38 | 84755 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

"We are losing the publicity battle in the mainstream press here."

My dear lady. ZH is not losing the publicity battle. Every time the MSM ('mostly' dead) acknoledge the mere existence of ZH, readership goes through the roof.

Publicity, good or bad, is the answer, not the problem.

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:59 | 84783 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Dear Well Meaning Anon ZH Friend,

Do you not see the tounge firmly in the cheek?

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 11:19 | 85194 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 16:39 | 85673 MinnesotaNice
MinnesotaNice's picture

I just love those... there is at least one everytime that misses the sarcasm  :-)

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:40 | 84760 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

I wish we could fuck them as hard as they tried to fuck you. ZH, I was going to tell you how disgusted I was with the conduct described and tell you I am sorry. But face it, this is apparently what is normal for them.

Joe Hagan lives in Brooklyn, New York.

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:46 | 84769 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Oh, but we are!  {;-)

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:53 | 84776 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture


Not sure this is him, there is another one on [elided]


This is all public info, use your common sense.


[Don't do that... - Marla]

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:04 | 84790 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Hey Joe,

If you are reading this, Marla just deleted what was potentially your address from my post to protect you. Sh!t head, she is showing you more care than you showed ZH, she is not willing to put you in harms way like you are willing to do to them. ZH has more integrity than I do, and certainly more than you.

Apologies Maam. I meant harm, it is true. I have been appropriately checked.

I am, after all, a Ms. Creant. I was merely enacting my role.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:14 | 84803 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture


Have some faith.  Remember that Sea Tec Astronomy becomes Screen Some Rot sooner or later.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 13:34 | 85396 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

There is much in what you say that is true. Clever as hell just how much. :-)

Props bro.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 09:58 | 85094 Cindy_Dies_In_T...
Cindy_Dies_In_The_End's picture

MsCreant--You are assuming thay MSM readers will get off their bloated asses and "do" something to ZH. They are too busy with Dancing With the Stars now that American Idol is over to next season.

As for Joe, I saw a rumor on CL and freecycle that the entire contents of his house, cars, and pets were available at fire sale prices as curb side pick up. ;)


okay, just kidding Marla! Nobody better send a bunch of hookers to his office, either.


Ps- I'll never get why men dig the lesbo thing as much as they do. I am going to start posting pics of hot, naked men for the ladies!

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 10:00 | 85098 Cindy_Dies_In_T...
Cindy_Dies_In_The_End's picture

Oh, and I love the day traders, but I am not one. I fall into the second oldest profession.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 10:36 | 85135 SWRichmond
SWRichmond's picture


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 12:04 | 85271 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 12:30 | 85310 Marley
Marley's picture

Both sexes fantisize about the others homosexual act.  It's just another one of those Male Oriented society things that makes it appropriate to imply female homosexuality. 

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 14:11 | 85447 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Both sexes fantasize about getting to play sandwhich.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 19:15 | 85894 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture


Classic.. All three wear a dress on their first date on the old black, red/silver, black kick.... While everyone waits to see who is wearing what in bootwear...

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 14:08 | 85443 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Hi Cindy!

I was just pissed at how Joe Blow Job tried to leverage them into participating in his article and how he tried to "get them" for refusing. It's always about leverage with these people. Fellatio Joe's ethics were totally out of line. ZeroHedge is not what is wrong with our government. ZeroHedge may end up proving to be a part of the solution. If they are just a zany little blog, why use such heavy handed tactics with them? Save that for Pandit the Bandit or Gold men's sacks.

If disclosing the identities of the participants of ZeroHedge and the dynamics of the blog is on par with a story about the vampire squid, Katie Couric, or the head of CITI-- wow!

It may be a fad, there may be competition later, but today, ZeroHedge has arrived!

It's fight club beyotches!

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 16:10 | 85615 loki
Thu, 10/01/2009 - 02:12 | 84888 agrotera
agrotera's picture

You are a dear and so funny MsCreant!!!!!

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 14:09 | 85445 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Oh gorsh. [Insert blush here]. Thanks.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 07:56 | 84990 lieutenantjohnchard
lieutenantjohnchard's picture

we did. we turned them off and cancelled our subscriptions.

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:42 | 84762 putbuyer
putbuyer's picture

Great stuff Marla

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:03 | 84767 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Trusting our readers to sift the content that matters to them is clearly playing into the hands of our enemies. 

Marla, I love it when you talk that way. Lots better than some stale story about porn on the teevee. Living in my parents basement while considering attaining my HS Diploma from the folks on the match book cover, I seldom get to interact with real celebrities like you and the rest of the ZH staff. After all, if folks wanted just pictures they would look at the teevee money honey imports as they read their copy produced by the folks at MTV's "The Hills".  With you and yours I can use my imagination, except when Robo shows me the charts. So, please let me sift! After all, all your enemies are holding is a 9/2, off suit.  Their ad revenue and demo tracks tell us this.

BTW, when are you gonna introduce the ZH trading card sets?  I can't wait to see what kind of gum you put inside.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:31 | 84866 theadr
theadr's picture

I like my gum, Sativa.

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:45 | 84768 aldousd
aldousd's picture

Marla! Don't forget about us computer programming non-financial sector retail day-traders on the sidelines!

Wait, maybe I should heed Dennis Kneale's advice and pretend to know more than I do about this stuff. Where's my sense of patriotic duty to this site?!?!

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:54 | 84775 Pizza Delivery Man
Pizza Delivery Man's picture

Yea yea...but is "the beard" a contributor? Maybe a guest post in the near?

Marla...I just wanna know if he's on the senior staff.

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:59 | 84784 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

You and many more of us.  Inquiring minds and all.

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:57 | 84782 Fritz
Fritz's picture

Dear Marla,

You forgot to include all the illegal aliens that read your site.

        (signed) Lou Dobbs

Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:59 | 84785 Marla Singer
Marla Singer's picture

I SAID gypsies.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 02:32 | 84895 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

Which one of the homosexual gypsie jews got caught humming "All Outa Love"?

Not that there is anything wrong with that (L Seinfeld)

Nice post.


Wed, 09/30/2009 - 23:59 | 84786 crzyhun
crzyhun's picture

Damn eveything but the circus!


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:06 | 84793 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

oh yes, the truth is so ..... unpleasant. Zerohedge has demonstrated that it must be made illegal. Don't you understand that the foundation of our economy (thanks to the Fed and to Greenshit in particular) is confidence? And not "as in confidence scam", but really truly 100% is a confidence scam? The FED is a con. We must turn away, therefore, from unvarnished truths presented by zerohedge.

We must close our eyes to HAL9000's nakedness.

We must exchange our savings for REIT secondaries offered by Goldman Sachs.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 10:04 | 85104 Cindy_Dies_In_T...
Cindy_Dies_In_The_End's picture

Oh, and everyone who also registered for a Ron Paul site or is a veteran is also on "The Gubermint List" .


I guess ZHers have been officially added to "The List"


Watch for black helicopters to land on top of Tyler and Marla's building.

PS- KD has occasionally listed the # of gubermint hits on his site, so they read his Ticker a lot. Are we going to see a "Who REALLY hits ZH" any time soon?

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:07 | 84795 Lothar the Rott...
Lothar the Rottweiler's picture

Marla, you know Doris is smiling down upon you for this latest missive.

Carry on, please!

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:38 | 84830 Marla Singer
Marla Singer's picture

That really would be something.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:16 | 84859 Lothar the Rott...
Lothar the Rottweiler's picture

:)  You never know who's looking out for you, but I'd take her over thousands of others if I had to wager.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:50 | 84878 pigpen
pigpen's picture

Vive Tanta

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 10:10 | 85111 SV
SV's picture


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:10 | 84798 Lux Fiat
Lux Fiat's picture

You know that you are making progress when folks start trying to marginalize you and your readership.  The HFT story and political fallout must have really touched a few nerves.  I may not believe in a vast conspiracy, but have been around long enough to have some clue as to how the game is played. 

Let's see - H. Ross Perot was making headway and conveying a message that needed to be conveyed.  Next thing you know, the traditional media is painting him as a bit outre (ok - he did a good enough job shooting himself in the foot to boot).  When the Monica Lewinsky story wouldn't go away, the White House changed tactics and portrayed her as a bit delusional - I knew then that if there was any evidence, it would surface after she was thrown under the bus.  Libertarians get painted with the same brush - sometimes deservedly so. 

So when I read the article on Zero Hedge in the New York Magazines and saw statements that essentially questioned the rationality of contributers and readers, I knew the game was afoot again - this time with Zero in the sights. 

Ignore the flack, keep up the good work, and keep ticking off those who desperately need a wakeup call.  To bad you guys weren't around when Harry Markopolos tried to expose Madoff years ago.  Might have brought it to a close a lot sooner and with a lot fewer personal balance sheets blown to bits.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 09:25 | 85058 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Of course ZH hits a nerve. When anyone even slows down the corporate financial money making machine, heads are sure to roll.

We are firmly into 1984 land where truth is a lie and your abuser loves and protects you.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 11:05 | 85175 TeresaE
TeresaE's picture

Yep, exactly like the 9/12 gathering in WDC was completely under-reported by the mainstream media.  A bunch of racists and "angry white men." vastly undercounted attendence and a news blackout. 


First ignore, then demonize.


We no longer see or hear real "news," I doubt Watergate could happen in this new century.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:29 | 84818 London Banker
London Banker's picture

So you're keeping all of the data on us!  Perhaps Zero Hedge is an elaborate sting to entrap us malcontents with self-incrimination.  When the time comes to round us up for "re-education" the evidence of our seditious behaviour will be unanswerable.

In the mean time, keep up the good work.  

As someone who has blogged issues well ahead of their time - a serial conspiracy theorist proved reality-based by later events and revelations -  I know that well written prose can change both public awareness and public policy.


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:33 | 84824 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

+1 LB.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:34 | 84826 aldousd
aldousd's picture

HAH! Just like Ron Paul! He's a trap! Go to his rally, give to his cause, and you're on the list!

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 03:44 | 84915 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

George Washington was the same kind of "trap".

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 06:35 | 84958 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

as someone who devoured LB's blogposts and extracted much wisdom from them, i second his observation.

nice to see you around again LB...cheers mate.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 07:51 | 84987 deadhead
deadhead's picture

glad to see LB show up...if you're the genuine article, does this mean you are back in the game?  that would be most welcome from where I sit.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 08:28 | 85006 London Banker
London Banker's picture

Just commenting here and over at Roubini's blog.  It's been a slow period lately, but for the most part this job has kept me much too busy for regular posting.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:31 | 84819 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

thank you thank you thank you!

This is a beautiful post, a testament to the reason I check in on ZH after breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Keep rocking the boat Marla & Co.!

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:33 | 84823 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Excellent. Now get up some posts on wine tasting, whining about riding a bicycle, rich peoples art collections, and how fat people all live in the suburbs, and traffic will skyrocket!

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:36 | 84828 Steak
Steak's picture

This is some pretty advanced stuff for a bot :-)

There is no question self-proclaimed members of the 4th estate don't know how to describe ZH.  Surely, they say, there is some inflated ego here just dying to get out.  Surely the allure of "real" press is enough to get these folk to play along with our game and fill in the sordid details of our puff piece. 

The oligarchs and their wannabe dick-riders just don't understand someone/ones not motivated by money or fame.  The idea of pursuing the truth in an inclusive collaborative way is a complete anathema.

Quoth Cypress Hill:

Fuck em / and feed em / cause I don't need em / I won't join em if I can beat em

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:37 | 84871 theadr
theadr's picture

They just don't get it:  Tyler is ANONYMOUS.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 06:37 | 84959 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Tylers are ANONYMOUS.
We are all Tyler Durden.
including Joe Hagan.

signed, I AM Joe's Guilty Conscience.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 14:21 | 85466 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

I am not going to get this exactly right. In The Matrix, it was understood that all the people were enthralled to the machine. They were not awake to their situation and you certainly could have compassion for them. HOWEVER, any one of them at any time could become posessed and become an Agent and try to apprehend or kill you. In these cases one must "terminate with extreme prejudice."



Thu, 10/01/2009 - 16:54 | 85696 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture


The hard facts of life, well done.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:44 | 84835 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Hey Counsellor. How about shorter paragraphs? We all have a short attenti

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:58 | 84848 ShankyS
ShankyS's picture

Oh dear Marla, that was delightful. MSMs (and the other wannabes that attempt to sponge from the ZH moniker) need to know Zero Intelligence and its merry band of digital dickweeds is reading, learning, growing, reporting and engorging ourselves in the truth. We will spread that truth far and wide. We will encourage others to come to the new Mecca that is ZH and draw them away from the false prophets. Virile we are. The new age has begun. Thank you ZH for showing us the light and freeing our minds. May the force be with you.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 00:59 | 84851 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Marla, this piece is one of your best.
That, and Radio Zero on the weekends - quite a gig.
If I could send over a martini, I would.
Keep up the good work.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:10 | 84855 morphizm
morphizm's picture

I thought Air Supply already got thrown down The Black Hole. Along with my dad's money.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 08:06 | 84996 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

that's a pretty rude way to describe australia

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:14 | 84856 Michael
Michael's picture

I was not aware I had such a large audience.

At least the Bilderbergs will get a consolation prize. It’s called the Internet. They wanted a controlled collectivist society? Well, the got it. Here we are.

You can’t manage the Internet just like you can’t manage the weather.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:19 | 84860 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

Ok, this missive compelled me to finally come clean.  I am not Chumbawamba.

I am Jim Cramer.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 10:24 | 85127 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I KNEW it. I just knew it.

Same drool falling from the corner of the mouth, scarlet red face, crazy red rimmed eyes, habitual lying and back pedaling, rolled up sleeves, air horn up the ass and the whoopee cushion in the back pocket.


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 12:00 | 85266 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

It's the air horn up the ass I enjoy the most, natch.

I am Jim Cramer.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:26 | 84864 Fish Gone Bad
Fish Gone Bad's picture

Zero Hedge is a fine upstanding publication.  With all the good news out there, most of the alarmists have gone away.  When everything was going to hell in a hand basket, places like Market Oracle was full of new and creative authors.  Now that everything is just peachy, real news is pretty much impossible to find.

Zero Hedge provides a service that no one else does, or is willing to do.  Take a deep breath and unwrap a suppository. 

Speaking of thankless work, I put in hours upon hours, days upon days, and weeks upon weeks of being funny and entertaining (for  I received all kinds of email.  I got to deal with stalkers, nuts, scammers, and a fair share of hate mail.  It takes a thick skin to be your own person and to "do your own thing".  For me, it got down to knowing that I was making something that could make me a little bit famous for the rest of time.

If you want to attract a lot of attention, add some guest artists to the Zero Hedge store.  You can start with the "Banks Suck" files I sent earlier.  Other talented people would probably be delighted to get their efforts noticed.  Cafe Press does not charge you to build an image library, so shoppers can pick what they want at no cost to Zero Hedge.

For those interested in bad art, and bad writing, here is an excerpt from The Worst Flu Ever ( 

Michelle did the math. Everyone was dead, or dying. She decided to load up on vodka and cigarettes. There was no way that drinking and smoking heavily was going to kill her before the worst flu ever. At that moment, Michelle decided to take up a few very bad habits she always wanted to explore before she died.

The End.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:27 | 84865 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

If the shirts were just a bit cheaper I would definitely buy one and wear it with pride. That dumbass reporter doesn't have a clue who reads this blog. I might be a minority on this site being 23 years old not making 200k/year as the article suggested but I am seriously concerned about my future and it's nice to see the raw technical data that Zero Hedge provides. Keep it TD & MS

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 09:42 | 85078 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

200K/yr. Shit, wouldn't that be nice. The depression that is not a depression has slammed me back under six figs.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 12:56 | 85348 Marley
Marley's picture

Here's some raw technical data for ya, you're f#cked.  And remember this when my generation come to you, hat in hand, for assistance because we screwed away our only real safety net for a few greedy banksters.  Spit in our faces.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:32 | 84867 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Ruffling the feathers of the MSM is one thing, and the success against HFT is another, but of the things that need to be done this is merely the tip of the iceberg. While I do not want to assume what ZH's overall motivations are, the mission cannot be announced as accomplished until the entire system is returned (or perhaps established for the first time) to what it claims to be.

Too Big to Fail has to go the way of Standard Oil. The revolving door between Goldman Sachs and senior level government service (along with the concomitant tax advantages to departing partners) has to be shut. If the country is going to be forced to have a Federal Reserve, it must be transparent and available for audit. If the taxpayers are going to go to all the trouble of paying for regulators, then the regulators are going to have to show up for work. If any politician is more responsive to private interests and lobbyists than to the majority of his or her constituents, that politician must be drummed out of office (yes, repealing gravity will be a lesser challenge). Failure MUST be a part of capitalism; indeed, that prospect is what focuses the mind and encourages the efficient allocation of scarce resources. Housing must be something to live in, not used as a piggybank, because the possibility for abuse is simply too great, and the US should drop the foolish goal of permanent and regular appreciation of RE assets. Ideally, we might even try to figure out some way to get the best minds to leave the trading desks and head to the laboratories or engineering and design departments.

It's a full plate and clearly it is not the job of ZH to do it all. Still, things have to start somewhere, and calling a spade a spade seems to be getting the ball rolling.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 01:47 | 84877 theadr
theadr's picture

Nicely put, Anonymous.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 07:13 | 84970 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

I think ZH's job is to do what it does when it does it how it does it. I don't think it's particularly up to the readers to bury it in unrealistic neadiness or unattainable goals.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 02:09 | 84886 CD
CD's picture


A few ways to (modestly) raise the visibility of ZH in the 'blogosphere':

Goto and Write reviews of the site. Link to it in your own blogs.

Download the ( and ( toolbars, installing it in a browser you use mainly for reading ZH. Try to use ONLY this browser for reading ZH. Whenever you read a MSM article dealing with issues raised on ZH, leave a comment with a link back here. And, as always, click on the ads from time to time.


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 06:53 | 84963 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

remember the 1st rule of fight club.

then remember the 2nd rule of fight club.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 02:19 | 84890 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Heh, cute.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 03:16 | 84894 agrotera
agrotera's picture

Marla,  this is a classic!!! 

Not only is the heart and soul of your work here pure and true, your writing style is just addictive! Yes and although we are only cyberspace acquaintances, knowing the heart of Tyler and your work here, i just have to love both of you!

[It is so much fun to complement your work knowing how others will step in and criticize it as ZH worship (or incestuous and self conscious--see subqutaneous quote of jim morrison posted right below) ! ( offer them thorazine suppositories! ) ]

Yours truly!

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 09:34 | 85071 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Do I need a prescription for those Thorazine suppositories or are they OTC?

Of course, as one of the malcontents, I would need to take my thumb out of my ass to insert said Thorazine.

Oh well, one must do what one must do.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 02:40 | 84899 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

“Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.”

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 02:43 | 84900 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

on one hand I wish ZH had no commenting system but on the other I'm glad that I'm able to say now: nicely done marla

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 02:52 | 84902 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

only students from the finest j-schools could produce work like ZH!


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 02:53 | 84903 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

"The thing they call 'rock,' which used to be called rock & roll--it became decadent. Then, there was the rock revival, sparked by the English. That went very far. It was articulate. Then it became self-conscious and incestuous, which, I think, is the death of any movement."

~Jim Morrison

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 03:11 | 84908 subqtaneous
subqtaneous's picture


"The thing they call 'rock,' which used to be called rock & roll--it got decadent.  Then, there was the rock revival sparked by the English.  That went very far.  It was articulate.  Then it became self-conscious and incestuous, which, I think, is the death of any movement."


~ Jim Morrison


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 03:14 | 84910 Bolweevil
Bolweevil's picture

marla is great.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 03:17 | 84911 Bolweevil
Bolweevil's picture

marla is great. had to say it twice (sorry)

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 03:44 | 84917 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Are there any queers on zerohedge tonight?
Get 'em up against the wall!
Putting fraud in the spotlight..
He don't look right to me
Get 'em up against the wall!

That one hates green shoots, and conspiracies
Who let all these day traders onto the web?
There's one exposing HFT, and another buying shorts!
If I had my way... I'd have all of you shot!

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 11:26 | 85200 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 12:59 | 85356 Marley
Marley's picture

Pink Floyd - The Wall

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 04:06 | 84922 grey
grey's picture

Marla, I want to have your baby! Won't you take me down ... to funky town!

Great post! Brilliant!

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 04:08 | 84923 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

marla, i think you're just (lame joke alert) all out of love

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 04:09 | 84924 Pork Fried Rice
Pork Fried Rice's picture

marla, i think you're just (lame joke alert) all out of love

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 04:09 | 84925 The Beard is Weird
The Beard is Weird's picture


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 04:27 | 84928 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

I like how they said they would sick the advertisment companies on the user base here which they basically are nothing but data mining manipulation centers.

Here's what happened in england when one these sleezes got outed.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 04:53 | 84931 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

The reason readership is stuck at 100,000 is because ZeroHedge routinely goes over the heads of the other millions of potential viewers. (including me) I would find ZH more appealing if a some education was offered people like me that don't know what goes on in Wall Street.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 09:37 | 85074 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Lesson # 1.

Do the opposite of whatever the mainstream media is telling you to do.

Lesson # 2.

Repeat lesson # 1 over and over and over until you stop believing the mainstream media.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 10:15 | 85117 Cindy_Dies_In_T...
Cindy_Dies_In_The_End's picture

Gee, I dunno. Read a book. Would you like ZH to wipe your butt too? Geez dude, educate yourself. Thats the point.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 18:14 | 85821 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

I need to use this one a whole lot.

Then I ask questions after I have made an effort to learn.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 05:29 | 84937 andrew123
andrew123's picture

Marla, does ZH really have over 100,000 readers?  How many people signed the petition to urge Congress not to increase the debt ceiling?

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 05:33 | 84938 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Couldn't you have interspersed some monokini shots of not-so-flat chested Eastern European teenagers, like Petra Nemakova?

Works for The RoboT-ster.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 05:39 | 84940 donatoloscalzo
donatoloscalzo's picture

You guys are doing just great.  Excellent job, well done!!

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 06:08 | 84946 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

This investor turned day trader turned spectator only trades from a position of strength. Im writing a book about the death of the investor. Cheeky ,Robo, Squrl,chumba and all you degenerates are in it.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 19:13 | 85895 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture


I am Chumbawamba.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 06:13 | 84948 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 06:30 | 84954 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 07:20 | 84972 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Hey, there are some high mucky-mucks in "the Texas Correctional system."

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 09:54 | 85088 DrPsycho
DrPsycho's picture

haha, hopefully soon to be more........

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 07:22 | 84974 Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

Their business model = reader is simpleton.

ZH business model = reader has some intelligence.

Thanks for your confidence in us.


Thu, 10/01/2009 - 08:17 | 85002 Daedal
Daedal's picture

RoboTrader's model = show models for readership ;-p

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 10:17 | 85119 Cindy_Dies_In_T...
Cindy_Dies_In_The_End's picture

Stock markets, trading and sex.


Works for me.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 10:19 | 85123 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

LOL. Great play on words.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 07:22 | 84975 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

keep up the good work.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 07:28 | 84976 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

"Marla, does ZH really have over 100,000 readers? How many people signed the petition to urge Congress not to increase the debt ceiling?"

This doesn't really reflect readership. I'm a regular lurker, and i didn't sign it.

I'm not a daytrader.

And I come here for the news. With REAL information. Then I make my own conclusions.

Great site. Keep up the good work.

Thu, 10/01/2009 - 07:37 | 84978 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

what's wrong with day traders anyway?

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!