Leave Dennis Alone!

Benjamin N. Dover III's picture

He's been called "schlubby," "functionally retarded" and a "total idiot tool." He's been accused of "carping, acting out, and cartoonish behavior." His name is fast entering the vernacular as a synonym for "uber-douchebag." (As in, "Joe Kernen may be an even bigger Kneale than Donald Trump. Nah . . . Trump is way Knealier.") One blogger is so perplexed by his bizarre and annoying behavior that she's resorted to armchair psychoanalysis to understand him ("[W]hat happened to this guy in childhood, or adolescence, or a previous life that made him the way he is today? It has to have been something horrific, right? You can't just be born like this, can you?") He himself admits he has a "high obnoxious quotient" (and that's apparently after trying to "reign it in"). And judging by the comments on this site and countless others, there seems to be a widespread obsession with inflicting damage on his reproductive organs.

No, they're not talking about Glenn Beck. These uncivil and unprovoked attacks are directed at Dennis Kneale, CNBC anchor and financial reporter par excellence. Is it any wonder he momentarily lost his composure recently while addressing bloggers on his show?

These Kneale-bashing "digital dickweeds" -- as Dennis so cleverly called them -- don't seem to understand that ad hominem attacks have no place in journalism. They insist on lambasting Dennis for every minor foible (who hasn't copped a double-feel off a colleague and a subordinate's wife in the back of a taxicab -- with her husband present?) and weakness (who doesn't carry a 2X3 of Jamie Dimon in their wallet?).

But the truth, I suspect, is that they're just jealous. It's not difficult to see why. First, Dennis has unmatched insight -- like the time he suggested on-air that Steve Jobs' health issues were really just a case of "PMS". The fact that the suggestion came totally out of left field makes it all the more original and gutsy. Second, he's a paragon of journalistic integrity and decorum. His comment that successful financial news TV is all about creating "conflict, drama and struggle" to "fool" people into learning, makes perfect sense. After all, what is journalism but the the art of deceiving people for their own good? And third, to top it all off, he has the rugged good looks that one would expect of a bona-fide TV personality (no, that's not a pompadour, and yes, the camera does add a couple of chins).

Like the other members of the insignicant new media, Tyler and this website are also guilty of giving Kneale a digital wedgie. So what if Dennis refused your offer to contribute to ZH or participate in an open and unscripted debate? When one's busy trying to hold on to one's coveted 8:00pm timeslot on CNBC one doesn't have time to trifle with the irrelevant bloggers that one devotes airtime to chastising. And if you're so much smarter than Dennis, how come you don't have your own financial entertainment show? Anyone can present facts, figures and cogent opinion, but only a select few have that je-ne-veux-pas-savoire-quoi that makes a Kneale.

So to all the cowardly anonymous dickweeds out there, please stop saying Dennis is a pompous, half-witted meathead who'll do anything for ratings. Or that he's a sycophantic stooge of the banking industry. Or that his attitude should be adjusted with a pair of plyers and a blowtorch. (And, while we're on the subject, the "Sterilize Dennis Kneale Before It's Too Late" T-Shirts are really uncalled for.) Instead, take a cue from the ladies in that taxicab, and just leave Dennis (and his reproductive organs) alone.

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Anonymous's picture

Satirical and intelligently written but doesn't add any value. I'm not a fan of DN but I guess there is always time for a joker when the tour guides are busy trying to find light out of this cave. If one person had to be booted off the life raft there wouldn't be humor but there would be survival.

Anonymous's picture

I think he looks like Big Bird from Sesame Street

Anonymous's picture

Kneale wouldn't be nearly as annoying if he didn't constantly cut off/talk over the guests on his show that disagree with him...

If he wants to be a "green shoots" guy, fine. He wants to stay long in this market, OK, whatever.

...but for god's sake, if you are going to invite people on your show, at least let them have their say and make their point.

I don't know why Denninger even bothers given him the time of day - every time, Karl only gets like ten words in.

ptoemmes's picture

Sorry..cannot leave DK alone. As I posted on Karl Denninger's MarketTicker after watching these:


One thing ya gotta give credit to DK on - he was honest on one thing - at least we know he only cares that the market goes up and that money can be made - the facts, math, and related suffering folks be damned. As long as he has his...he proved what a morally corrupt person he is. He is truly a dickweed.

In that way he seems to be speaking not only for himself but CNBC as a whole.

Hey Dennis - here's a piece of math: it is reported the CNBC viewership is down 28% YoY and I'll bet the second derivative of that stat isn't showing any green shoots.


Anonymous's picture

Its obvios from 5 mins of watching that the other anchors dont respect him. nough said.
no wait.
this guy is worst than most because he believes what he is reading. he drank the cool aid. I get a distinct "only for the money" vibe everytime kudlow speaks.
everyone, and i mean everyone thinks dennis is a inefectual d bag.

Sigma X's picture

CNBC is brought to you by the Sham-Wow and denture cream.  Oh yea, and sellyourgold.com....  Who do they think is watching I wonder?  Its gone from appealing to a mostly investment industry based crowd, to mom and pops, gram and gramps.  If there's not a story, the markets weaker/stronger than in recent memory, they're doing something wrong these days.  Turn off, tune out, drop the remote.  No need to discuss how irrelevant Dennis Kneels is, just ignore him and the "summer rally" edition of squawk box...

GWTH's picture

Ben Dover has either co-opted Maureen Dowd's soul, or...

You know what they pay her Benny? Ben D. Yeup, wait for applause. 

As for DK:

MinnesotaNice's picture

I agree that there is a distinct Maureen Dowd flavor to Mr. Benjamin N. Dover's writing style... and I love Maureen Dowd... however Mr. Dover you need to include at least five words in each column that your readers have never heard in their lives, nor will expect to hear again, before you will have a chance of attaining the fine journalistic standards of Ms. Dowd. 

mark mchugh's picture

Brilliantly written, Benjamin!

Anonymous's picture

Sorry, i will not stop saying that Dennis is a pompous, half-witted meathead who'll do anything for ratings. Or that he's a sycophantic stooge of the banking industry, because his viewers need to know the truth.

yours truly,

Trader Joe's picture




Dennis Kneale

....really.....I do


Anonymous's picture


Marley's picture

OK, time to show my colors.  I make my moral case this way.  Business wants and has obtained individual constitutional rights.  Individual rights have been the cornerstone of western society, afterall.  Also if an "individual" conducts themselves in a psychotic manner that creates an endangerment to themselves or society, we incarcerate them.  The hypocrisy is, though, as long as a "business" makes profits, psychotic behavior is OK.  It's OK to kill or oppress millions of "individuals", as long as those individuals are of different color, race, religous belief, etc.  It's OK to hijack a nation's military might for business purposes (since most businesses don't have a military to support "national interests" yet, they use your tax dollar supported military).  It's OK to falsify quarterly earnings.  It's OK to pump and dump.  It's OK to cheat millions out of their life savings and endanger their subsistance.  "CNBC made $ 330 mil last year.  yippie!  Oh, buy the way your 401K isn't worth squat, because you've been lied to about inflation, unemployment, the economy, and who knows whatelse, but hey, CNBC made $330 mil last year."  What is wrong here?  Am I the only one that feels this way?  If that is the case, I'm proud to be called a "dickweed".  I'd rather be a dickweed in an equatable world than an enabler of the killing fields.  Just saying.

Pietro_F's picture

Business is the confluence of individual efforts.

Marley's picture

I see, so that's how they sleep at night.

Anonymous's picture

Let us not forget the permabull with the hour earlier 7 PM time slot who yesterday followed DK's lead two weeks later in calling this a New Bull Market some 46% above March lows and asked people to stop hitting on GS, while saying he's been clean and sober for 14 years and has a multiyear contract. His HH ratings were only down 67%. If these are not the end times, then what are?...

Anonymous's picture

I have a working relation-
ship with 'Kuddles' coke dealer
and have it on good author-
ity that he has been clean
and sober for at least a
Liar Larry tried to pay for
his last eight balls with
some Enron stock.

If i were forced to work with
'the real Kneel' i'd need
something stronger than
coke or H.

Kuddles does have a drug testing
clause in his contract over

Cheeky Bastard's picture

dennis kneale is just a little bitch who sucks on immelts cock so he could keep his lame ass job with Z rated media outlet .. period .


edit: thank you for the tumbs down Beaker

bbbilly1326's picture

FYI, there is nothing inherently wrong in sucking cock .....except if you're a homophobic bigot.

Joanito's picture

Dennis Kneale is a reasonable enough comedian, but he crossed whatever line of integrity there ever may have been for tele-econo-tainment-esque tv semi-serious news like substance when he started going after bloggers.  If he was serious about seeming serious, he would have just accepted that he is a target for criticism, like all other media and political types, and kept spewing his dribble without so much as a mention of blog world. 

Anonymous's picture

This article is funny but the whole topic is a dead horse.

Tyler, we kind of sort of don't give a shit about CNBC.

Anonymous's picture

I've been wanting to ask you, Mr. Dover: what does the "N." stand for?

Anonymous's picture

With -30% in viewership YoY, you would think that CNBC would be replacing their entire lineup.... Including DK.

Anonymous's picture

My favorite is when the people on Fast Money all make fun of his famous "Golden Cross"...

erich's picture

Jamie Dimon is very alluring.  Can't blame anyone for noticing.

D.O.D.'s picture


hmmm, I'm a lil rusty on my swiss, but does that say,

"you don't have that thing that i don't know what it is"?

Anonymous's picture

I thought we were done with the Financial Anchor formerly known a DK?

Danz Gambit's picture

I thought DK had been declared persona non grata on ZH - best to leave it that way.

Well written article though, thanks Ben

Anonymous's picture

Dennis Kneale also came up with a new stimulus plan that China would throw stimulus money at us so we could continue to but their stuff. I can't believe someone actuallt procreated with him. Doggie style anyone?

Anonymous's picture

Den and his same sex partner
adopted a girl from china,
paid for her in hard currency
WallMart over there sells
baby girls as they are unwanted
and abandoned.
Rumor is Denny adopted the
little girl to gain favor
at CNBC and it was used as a
bargaining chip at contract tim

Anonymous's picture

save this trash for dealbreaker and bring back TD and Marla.

Anonymous's picture

hehe...nice one..

did u see how Peter Schiff responded to Dennis kneale in his previous two interviews? All DK could do was to come up with green shoot emotional responses ...rather than ANY rational response..