Listing The Best Replacements For Larry Summers

Tyler Durden's picture

Let's cut to the chase: Larry Summers is leaving the Obama administration because he simply could not destroy the US economy fast enough. Which is why the next director of the National Economic Council should not be allowed to do a half-assed job. With that in mind, here are the best replacements for the now vacant post as suggested by Bloomberg's Jonathan Weil.

1. Dick Fuld. Now here’s somebody we could rely on to leave
a big mark. Like the size of a meteor crater. I realize Lehman
Brothers was the largest bankruptcy in history, and Fuld was its
CEO. This is what makes him useful. No matter what he says,
people instinctively will think the opposite must be true. If
Obama wants us to believe the economy is turning around, all he
has to do is get Fuld to say “the best is behind us.”

2. Jimmy Cayne. True, the former Bear Stearns boss managed
to sell his firm to JPMorgan Chase in a government-brokered deal
for $10 a share. That’s a notch against him, compared with
Fuld’s pristine record. In tough times, though, Cayne could be
counted on to project calm, provided he’s far from the action,
say, at a bridge tournament. He’d make a fine second choice.

3. Stan O’Neal. The former Merrill Lynch CEO, who got a
$161.5 million severance package, knows the warm feeling of
stimulus and has ice in his veins. He played 20 rounds of golf
on four different courses during the last several weeks of the
third quarter of 2007, while Merrill lost $8.4 billion on
subprime mortgages. His handicap only got better.

4. Angelo Mozilo. Who better to get us out of the housing
crisis than the man who did more than almost anyone else to get
us in it? Sure, picking the former Countrywide Financial CEO
might seem counter intuitive, given how the SEC is suing him for
fraud. Yet even if he loses, it’s only a civil case. He’ll still
have the most valuable qualification of all: Never convicted.

5. Hank Greenberg. This man has an eye for talent. The
former CEO of American International Group, who resigned in 2005
and later paid $15 million to make the SEC go away, hired Joe Cassano to run AIG’s financial products division. Cassano is the
guy widely credited with blowing up AIG. Another plus for
Greenberg: At 85 years old, he could give Obama a Nixon-in-China
moment on the budget deficit by proposing to increase the
retirement age for Social Security to 86.

6. “Chainsaw” Al Dunlap. The former Sunbeam CEO, whose
company imploded in one of the original “massive accounting
scandals” of the 1990s, would be perfect for slashing
government spending. Give Dunlap a few minutes, and he’d devise
a plan to break up the union, sell off the sand states, and fire
half the federal workforce.

7. A tie between former CEOs Rick Wagoner of General
Motors, Chuck Prince of Citigroup, Martin Sullivan of AIG, Kerry Killinger of Washington Mutual, and Ken Lewis of Bank of
America. Throw in Tony Hayward’s name for kicks, too. Sure, he’s
British. But heck, Obama wants diversity. Plus there’s always
Robert Rubin, the former Treasury secretary and Citigroup
chairman, as a fallback. Too obvious, though. Obama already had
Summers. Why reach for his mentor?

Yet even the two candidates currently suggested for the post are very qualified as well:

Parsons, the former chief at Time Warner, and Mulcahy should have a leg up on the rest of the competition by this standard. That’s because each of them has sat on the boards of multiple such companies.

Long before the government placed Fannie Mae into conservatorship, Parsons and Mulcahy both served as directors at the mortgage-finance company when it was breaking all sorts of accounting rules. For years both were directors at Citigroup, while the bank’s executives drove it to the brink of failure before its bailout.

There’s more, too. Both Xerox and Time Warner settled accounting-fraud allegations by the Securities and Exchange Commission over conduct that occurred while Mulcahy and Parsons held lesser executive posts at those respective companies.

As for who will replace the post just vacated by Rahm Emanuel, we are sure the Russian mob will have some terrific candidates to step into that particular position.