Microsoft Stock Goes Nuts At Close On Unfounded Rumor Of Balmer Departure

Tyler Durden's picture

A quick look at the below chart of Microsoft trading into the close would lead one to believe that i) SkyNet is now fully self-aware, of ii) Muddy Waters came out with a strong buy on the world's most "underappreciated" value stock. Apparently, neither of these happened (well, at least not at the close: after all SkyNet has been aware since April 19), and instead the stock responded so violently only due to a completely unconfirmed so far rumor that Steve Balmer is stepping down. And while broken markets on no news is one thing, at least one can blame overheated vacuum tubes for crop circle trading formations, the kind of ridiculous trading, amounting to nearly 15 million shares, on what for now appears unvalidated rumors (which may have come after the move to justify it), in one of the world's most widely held stocks, indicates that there is way too much "other people's money" sloshing around, and should truly put the fear of god in anyone who still picks the S&P over the Encore Las Vegas (and especially the Beach Club).

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Franken_Stein's picture


People at Microsoft are being exposed to radiation from Fukushima blown over the Pacific.

Even Steve Ballmer is inhaling poisonous particles.


ninj4master's picture

this is not a bug ! this is a feature ! ^^

hambone's picture

No love for the EnBalmer.

Thomas's picture

Einhorn was correct; Balmer should go. That is why the stock popped on the rumor. (BTW-There is no way Einhorn started the rumor; he places his bets on longer time scales and more substantial events.) Some of the crystal-meth-infested traders may have.

Hephasteus's picture

Einhorn was trying to get him to step down a couple weeks ago. This is a full blown operation. Every industry is screwed they just can't handle 50 to 70 percent slow down of sales. They want to keep people and won't be able to forever. They will eventually be forced to dump people who will become their competition.

Greeny's picture

MSFT undervalued compare to other BS stocks in the Marketplace $30/share in 6 month or so - easy money, but you are late to the party. You gotta buy, when everyone sells. How about Sell the calls to pay for put option protection? You gotta buy insurance, when you invest. MSFT got very liquid, tiny spread options for that.. Great stock. + it's actually pays nice Div... Yeah, perhaps I'm talking to the wall here,cause most of ZH-ers leaving in the trailers with "Physical" shit only. :))))

Seasmoke's picture

that cant be good for a mans ego

Id fight Gandhi's picture

It's been dead money and dumb investments for a decade now.

Can they do a single new idea. Zune? Windows phone ? Xbox?

Manthong's picture

I heard he was seen shuffling around muttering something about the rollout of Windows 286.

gillimus's picture

I was so fired up about my 286 processor...I could open multiple (ok, 2) windows!!

A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000's picture

I'll stick with my Osborne Word Processor, thank you very much.

plocequ1's picture

This stock hasn't moved in years. Its like watching old people play golf

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

You dear sir are an older person wrapped up in a temporarily younger body. One day you will be wearing adult Pampers and cursing those insolent whippersnappers so may I suggest you hold your tongue?

Just a thought since you are in effect teaching the younger generation to piss on the older you.

Problem Is's picture

Funny, CD... A famous old saying:

"Youth is wasted on the wrong people..."

MisterMousePotato's picture

A long time ago, I worked with someone who was then about 65 years old. He had a sign on his office wall: "If I'd known I was ever going to be this old, I would have taken better care of myself when I was younger."

MisterMousePotato's picture

Another story: A United States Supreme Court justice (I forget whom just now) retired at the age of 92 or 94? Pretty old, but he was still quite hale and hearty. When a reporter asked him what he was going to do now, he replied wistfully, "Ah, to be 80 again."

Idiot Savant's picture

I believe the correct saying is "youth is wasted on the young"

Clockwork Orange's picture

Youth is wasted on all the wrong people.

- Its a Wonderful Life, bushes scene

squexx's picture

It was Julius Caesar around 40BC that said it.

slewie the pi-rat's picture

it looks like some ol' duffer got into a deep trap and went for the green.  a few times. 

snowball777's picture

jimson weed laced cigars on the 9th...what was that?

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Well, we just found out that Balmer's value to the corporation is a negative number.

Now....can we have all those stock options back please?

css1971's picture

Seems to be true of many Microsoft and ex Microsoft executives. Elop managed to wipe, was it 30%? off of Nokia... Every time he opens his mouth....

Racer's picture

What difference does it make even if monkeys run the company? Fundamentals don't matter any more in cuckoo print land

buzzsaw99's picture

how much did balmer, gates, allen, et al loot out of that company anyway? A third of the damn market cap? Half? buy stocks bitchez!!!

BayAreaAlan's picture

Loot? They started and made the company. Your accusation and definition are wack.

buzzsaw99's picture

they stole every dollar from the pension funds who, when they go to sell their stock, will get zero.

no fucking way anyone should be able to take tens and hundreds of billions of dollars out of a publicly traded company. fucking thieves, every last one of them. if they want to loot the company make it private or get fucked.

BayAreaAlan's picture

The pig is getting dirty.

Your pension funds are run by moochers and looters working off the backs of real businessmen who let them in for the profits. Meanwhile, they plead the case of widows and orphans while trying to squeeze profit for the socialist Union and Education class, the real problem with America.

Publish your evidence of theft or go back to cutting yourself while jerking off to Kitten crush movies.

snowball777's picture

Your "real businessmen" don't make shit...programmers know who really made MS and your sycophantic panting is some tiresome sauce, punky brewster.

BayAreaAlan's picture

Real programmers like Gates and Allen, the objects of the original post?

snowball777's picture

Allen spearheaded a deal for Microsoft to purchase a Quick and Dirty Operating System (QDOS) written by Tim Paterson who, at the time, was employed at Seattle Computer Products.


Uh huh, pull the other one. Just another pair of lucky trust fund bitches; good at marketing and building a monopoly, so-so at actual software engineering.

Try Simonyi or Blinn.

ZeroHour's picture

Generally agree, but if this book is to be believed (and I think it is), then Gates and Allen were pretty good programmers too.  A lot of "in the right place at the right time with the right ideas".

ReallySparky's picture

Next question, will they cancel the trades?

SubjectivObject's picture

Maybe an orchestrated intent to get him to leave?

Waterfallsparkles's picture

Microsoft now has a larger weighting in the Nasdaq.  So, looks like a pump to keep Nas up.  Before the end of QE2.  Have to have a short squeeze to get everyone out at shorts expense.

Long-John-Silver's picture

An entire industry is devoted to making money off people that continue to use the Microsoft Operating System called Windows. I wonder how many of these companies have Balmer as an investor. I also wonder why people continue to use the Windows Operating System when other operating systems such as Apple and Linux are not subject to a lack of (obvious) security problems. 



richard in norway's picture

i agree, once their competiers figure out how to get past "everyone has microsoft, so i have to have it as well" problem, then i think microsoft are toast


no one likes them, they just put up with them because they feel they must


i can't wait for goggle to start marketing a downloadable OS

Long-John-Silver's picture

Balmer's nightmare is called Android. It's nothing more than a striped down version of Linux that is taking over the Smart phone and Tablet markets. People use Android and discover how easy and maintenance free it is and soon realize what an auful Operating System they have on their PC at home. I quit counting the number of PC's I've switched over to Ubuntu (Linux for humans). Most want a duel boot system but after a few weeks they relize they no longer need or want Windows. The latest Ubuntu OS has the look and feel of Android or you have the option of going to the prior Desktop. Personally I like the "classic Desktop for use with a Keyboard and Mouse. Out in the shop where I have a touch screen monitor I use the new Ubuntu "Android" OS. It completely eliminated the need for a keyboard and mouse. This is the future and Microsoft is still 10 years behind.

The Architect's picture

+ 1. Ubuntu 10.10 as I type this, great OS.

Hephasteus's picture

And that will be the last good ubuntu as fedora 14 was the last good redhat. Apple and google, intel and IBM will screw linux up beyond all recognition in an effort to drive people back to windows apple so they can control IT.

IQ 145's picture

 I'm using Linux "Mint"; which you can download for free. As soon as I burned the install disk and hit "boot from CD", I told the installer to wipe the hard drive completely and install "Mint". I can't tell you how pleased I am with OS. It's the transparent user-friendly Linux. I don't have any app. or program of any kind on my computer from MicroSoft. All the apps. I need download automatically on this OS; adobe, Java, cad-cam; google chrome; everything works perfectly and dead fast. It's wonderful just to know that my computer is not checking in with MS headquarters. It's a revolutionary improvement. I'm functionally computer illiterate but I did it all myself; it was easy.

Texas Ginslinger's picture

Is it possible Balmer floated the rumor to see which way he will bet his own shares, before he actually leaves..??

This may be the most important pre-release test he's ever initiated there.


css1971's picture

Microsoft is pretty much irrelevant these days, they missed too many boats.

Linux completely commoditised operating systems, and Open Office has done the same for office suites, which IIRC are the only two divisions within Microsoft which actually make money. So the only revenue generating parts of the company have a long term future of $0.00 per copy to look forward to.


IQ 145's picture

 Couldn't happen to more deserving folks; they tried to rip me off by telling me I had an invalid/pirated copy of their for-shit OS; THEN they turned off my computer. That's when I said, okay; it's time to find out what's going on in Linux World. Linux Mint is "the shits", as the young people say. it does everything it's supposed to do; and no deluded company is going to come on my screen and tell me to pay for the damn thing, again. Fuck Microsoft.