More Child Abuse Heaped On Zero Intelligence

Tyler Durden's picture

I was interrupted from peacefully watching a financial news station (Bloomberg TV lest there be some confusion) when I got this email: "the sweaty, drunk guy on CNBC is bashing you again." Curious, I decided to investigate. Not surprisingly some more ad pseudonymem amusement ensued:


It's funny one should mention "allegedly factual", because ironically the last time a CNBC talking head attacked Zero Intelligence, the whole ploy was scripted from the beginning to boost CNBC's traffic and viewership (we have yet to see June's Nielsen ratings for the outcome: we will promptly provide that once available).

As to the BS that blogs like Zero Intelligence spread, it is all based on linked and referenced facts (yes, that's what those graphs and hyperlinks in the posts are for, click them, you may be surprised what you find). Charlie, here is a primer on how blogging works (and no Steve, it is called blogging, and not reporting, just because of the following) - it is feedback driven: if a blog does provide false and misleading data it is always called upon it, and people lose interest. Simple as that. And, as I retorted to your less than primetime spot colleague Dennis Kneale, in blogging the content is king, not the messenger. To wit:

"Zero Hedge is not about personalities, goatees or glasses - it is about
ideas, facts and opinions. People come to Zero Hedge not because of my
chiseled washboard abs, but because they appreciate my insight into
things financial and economic. My personality is not relevant when
discussing critical concepts. Who knows - maybe I do not care for being
recognized while having dinner at Campagnola."

Oh, and here is our manifesto. Check it out some time.

But Charlie does make a good point: people do in fact get a lot of their information from the Internet. More and more in fact. And the reason is because they now openly mistrust organizations which have massive reporting conflicts of interest, compliments of their highly troubled parent companies, whose well being (and by extension, the paychecks of said TV pundits) depend on the perpetuation of the confidence and economic soundness fallacy.

Furthermore, Zero Intelligence is not an investment advisor, nor does it promote any securities. If we did, we would disclose it. Just like you should disclose at the beginning of every segment that CNBC is a direct subsidiary of GE which is a recipient of over $51 billion in taxpayer cash via the FDIC's TLGP (see the link to the left? click on it). Having your interns actually perform some diligence before that 2 minute soundbite "exclusive" is a great way to spend some of that $51 billion. Try it out.

Nonetheless, Zero Intelligence completely agrees with Charlie that those seeking important, critical, and relevant information should absolutely go to openly satirical websites such as Dealbreaker and Clusterstock. After all, CNBC knows a thing or two about truth and satire.

In the meantime, please forgive us Charlie and Steve if in our pursuit of the definition of reporting, we stumble upon some other peculiarities about potential conflicts of interest that may or may not involve CNBC pundits.

In conclusion, while we realize that we could never do as good a job as Charlie has done promoting us, Zero Intelligence is in the process of submitting an RFP for purchasing 5 hours of 18,000 subsecond ad blocks on CNBC, to be interspersed within the Power Lunch segment. We will advise readers on the outcome. Perhaps we can all split the cost as ironically Zero Intelligence has no external (and definitely no taxpayer subsidized) funding, aside from our recurring readers consistently finding interesting content on our pages.

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erich's picture

Charlie is an attractive man!  At one time he was an interesting read!

Gobsmacked's picture

haha - nice.  Oh and nice edit job (i just noticed) on the name above...

Anonymous's picture

Nothing wrong with using an alias. If you want to keep your job or get a job in the future you had better use an alias. Not everyone can work for an entertainment channel.

Stuart's picture

Charlie jumped the shark a LOOOONNNGGGGG time ago...  now he's not much more than a paid bitch.

spekulatn's picture

Once again TD,  well done. 



Milton's picture

Who was that old queen on CNBC that just called tyler a tickity-tacky super tranny hot mess that is not apologizing for it?

Anonymous's picture

It's very telling that they want you to reveal your identity, Tyler. ...If I may (very poorly) paraphrase 'V for Vendetta':

"You are an idea. And that is what scares them the most, because ideas cannot be destroyed".

Please don't reveal yourself. Ever. Because only then can they (and will they) discredit you.

spekulatn's picture

Nailed it , anon.

Anonymous's picture



-aka Anon

Anonymous's picture

I agree with anon# 13137, Tyler. You have them (CNBC, GS, et al) scared and they are desperately trying to get you to reveal your identity so they can discredit you. Don't let these morons get under your skin, you are winning by the massive following you have attracted to your site in search of the truth. Keep up the great service you are doing for our Country by getting the truth out to the public. Their game is almost over and they KNOW IT!

Anonymous's picture

Sorry but I don't trust anyone, not even Tyler. Everybody has a motive. It would be equivalent to trusting Goldman Sachs.

cougar_w's picture

You don't have to trust anyone per se. It pays, however, to pay attention to everything. It's like the scientific method; tell us what you got, give us the source references, we can verify the details. If it's good, it stands. Move forward one step. Repeat. This is how you build a model of the universe that anyone CAN trust.

So... what alternative is there to that? None alternative, I submit.

cougar    <-- mad scientist

Anonymous's picture

"None alternative,..." Is that like "It goes to eleven." How much higher does it go? "None more."

Anyhow, you are right, however, we are almost inundated with data. There is so much out there it begins to be just that - data. The question is how do you turn data into information.

I still have a question outstanding. What is the effect of inflation (falling dollar) on equities. Do equities behave like commodities? That is, as the dollar falls it requires more of them to buy an equity?

Anonymous's picture

Yes. Inflation or mild currency concern can cause indices to rise. The more obvious it is, the more narrow the selection of 'stuff' it chases.

Euphoria = stocks. Concern = commodities. Panic = gold.

cougar_w's picture

I have no answer for you that would satisfy you. Someone else might try.

But let me try this: I think you have asked the wrong question. The better question might have been this...

With things both coming unwound in horrific ways, and governments and institutions working madly -- even randomly --  to keep the economy from falling apart, are there ANY rules for investment or ANY valid indicators left? Is trading-on-value completely dead for X number of years going forward?

Here I think I will hazard a guess: No, and probably.


Anonymous's picture

It actually makes sense not to blindly trust anyone. However, one must take all inputs and judge them by the validity of the arguments. If you go by what all the bloggers said, you might have missed the rally, if you go by what CNBC is telling you, you may be roasted toast in no time. The best is to use your judgement while keeping in consideration various inputs from various sources (CNBC as well as bloggers). They show you two sides of a coin.

Well that is the lesson I learnt hard way!

Danz Gambit's picture

GE is just one more relic from the past, teetering on three legs, waiting for the inevitable crash to the bottom

I for one, will dance a jig on the day Zero Intelligence (that's where I get my news these days) announces General Electric has filed for BK, and is being traded on the pink sheets

Anonymous's picture

Why don't we send Marla to kick Charlie's butt? CNBC talking about "reporting" is sort of an oxymoron.

whacked's picture

The problem is that Charile would most probably enjoy it. Needless to say I pity Marla in that situation, as not only would she lose her shoe, but her dignity.

His perception of his own self worth is from the fact that he is actually in the media and he thinks that he is performing a service. Pity it is only an attempt to impress those with the money.

No job at GS for a PR person Charlie, so try and keep your current job.


DebtorShredder's picture

You should have asked Charlie about his greatest hits collection:

whacked's picture

Charlie that was so ..... zen like ....


"I don't have what I got?????"


Is this trying to impart to the public that you do not have a personality?

economessed's picture

All this attention those dramatic thespians pay this site is taking vital time away from their job of carrying someone else's water.

Each minute devoted to the common folk who trade their ideas here takes away from the serious business of educating the rest of the world about what they should be hearing.

Now shut the hell up and tell us how much better everything is getting!


dark pools of soros's picture

right - and all the time everyone here is hopping up and down on GE's punching bag is taking ZH off the ball


stay sharp Tyler - don't pander too much..  they might show you their chin to open you up for an uppercut

Danz Gambit's picture

The Most Important Film Scene Ever? My money's still on this one

Anonymous's picture

Check the sample. Marla if you're around, give 'em a spin

Dixie Normous's picture

Charlie just looked up "opining"

Michele Caruso Cablahblah looks like Gerard Depardieu in Cyrano de Bergerac.

That other cow Sue Herrara walks the streets for money (short money mind you)

Miles Kendig's picture

Pardon me, I cannot but believe that Charlie fellow is some sort of resturant critic, or something along those lines...  Or his he the maître d'  of CNBC employees and their contacts within the world as it is known to them?  Am I mistaken?  Anyone?

Anonymous's picture



It does not invalidate his FACTUAL FUCKING DATA YOU DOLT!

Anonymous's picture

"Further more, Zero Intelligence is not an investment advisor, nor does it promote any securities."....Technically, Tyler, you may be wrong here. Marla was on here selling invisible ice cream cones the other day. I think they were in securitzed form.

Anonymous's picture

S & P just upgraded em to AAA, I made 4 mil in a week on that deal.

Anonymous's picture

Can I get some jimmies on mine...pweassse?

Moe Speeks's picture

Charlie is a sell-out 

I have documented proof

I know, I know, more shameless plugging by Moe Speeks

assumptionblindness's picture

I used to watch CNBC for the news then I watched for the 'expert' opinion and analysis then I watched for the corporate propoganda so I could front-run the I learn about rabid-cross-dressing-mornoic-bloggers?  I laughed so hard that sprayed beer through my nose onto the I don't watch TV anymore :-(  

Dont Taze Me Bro's picture

I've learned more about current affairs in the last 3 weeks of following this blog than I would have ever had by watching one year of CNBC. ZH rocks!

On a side note, why do you want to purchase ad time on CNBC? Why give them extra profits? Boycott the bastards!

jym's picture

notice he said "18,000 subsecond ad blocks"



Dont Taze Me Bro's picture

hehe, my bad. Missed the humor :)


Anal_yst's picture

Dude, have you ever seen Fight Club?

luster's picture

TD should take this abuse as a compliment. If his analysis of HFT and other topics wasn't spot-on, GS's CNBC goons would not even bother to mention Zero Hedge.

D.O.D.'s picture

I'm starting to wonder if CG is not in actuallity TD...this of course would be the ultimatte ultimate in cross polinization, TD being the Batman, GC being Bruce Wayne..hmmmmm

VegasBD's picture

Now THAT would be funny. Course TD would be more of a Santelli i think....

Anonymous's picture

Alfred tell aunt whatshername not to hold dinner up.
Robin, to the Batpoles, old chum !!!


Anonymous's picture

The people at CNBC seem very defensive. It is a bit surreal to see "reporters" on a national network spend so much time hurling junior high playground insults at bloggers.

D.O.D.'s picture

You should watch idiocracy to see the future of what we are now in the fledgling stages of; The dumbing down of the American population. 

Anonymous's picture

Someone should ask ole Charlie what he thinks about the great American Revolutionaries whom frequently posted under aliases. Yes, Charlie the father of the Constitution used an alias!

On another thought, if you gave Tits Cabrerra a buzz cut she could pass for a guy. Neck down, of course.

silencedogood's picture


I wonder what aliases you are referring too?


ghostfaceinvestah's picture

"Publius" used by Hamilton, Madison, and John Jay when writing "The Federalist Papers"?

Anonymous's picture

It's hard to take Pee Wee's Playhouse seriously anymore. Charlie (Randy the bully) Gasparino is little sensitive. Or was that the cartoon for today?