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More Child Abuse Heaped On Zero Intelligence

Tyler Durden's picture




 

I was interrupted from peacefully watching a financial news station (Bloomberg TV lest there be some confusion) when I got this email: "the sweaty, drunk guy on CNBC is bashing you again." Curious, I decided to investigate. Not surprisingly some more ad pseudonymem amusement ensued:

 

It's funny one should mention "allegedly factual", because ironically the last time a CNBC talking head attacked Zero Intelligence, the whole ploy was scripted from the beginning to boost CNBC's traffic and viewership (we have yet to see June's Nielsen ratings for the outcome: we will promptly provide that once available).

As to the BS that blogs like Zero Intelligence spread, it is all based on linked and referenced facts (yes, that's what those graphs and hyperlinks in the posts are for, click them, you may be surprised what you find). Charlie, here is a primer on how blogging works (and no Steve, it is called blogging, and not reporting, just because of the following) - it is feedback driven: if a blog does provide false and misleading data it is always called upon it, and people lose interest. Simple as that. And, as I retorted to your less than primetime spot colleague Dennis Kneale, in blogging the content is king, not the messenger. To wit:

"Zero Hedge is not about personalities, goatees or glasses - it is about
ideas, facts and opinions. People come to Zero Hedge not because of my
chiseled washboard abs, but because they appreciate my insight into
things financial and economic. My personality is not relevant when
discussing critical concepts. Who knows - maybe I do not care for being
recognized while having dinner at Campagnola."

Oh, and here is our manifesto. Check it out some time.

But Charlie does make a good point: people do in fact get a lot of their information from the Internet. More and more in fact. And the reason is because they now openly mistrust organizations which have massive reporting conflicts of interest, compliments of their highly troubled parent companies, whose well being (and by extension, the paychecks of said TV pundits) depend on the perpetuation of the confidence and economic soundness fallacy.

Furthermore, Zero Intelligence is not an investment advisor, nor does it promote any securities. If we did, we would disclose it. Just like you should disclose at the beginning of every segment that CNBC is a direct subsidiary of GE which is a recipient of over $51 billion in taxpayer cash via the FDIC's TLGP (see the link to the left? click on it). Having your interns actually perform some diligence before that 2 minute soundbite "exclusive" is a great way to spend some of that $51 billion. Try it out.

Nonetheless, Zero Intelligence completely agrees with Charlie that those seeking important, critical, and relevant information should absolutely go to openly satirical websites such as Dealbreaker and Clusterstock. After all, CNBC knows a thing or two about truth and satire.

In the meantime, please forgive us Charlie and Steve if in our pursuit of the definition of reporting, we stumble upon some other peculiarities about potential conflicts of interest that may or may not involve CNBC pundits.

In conclusion, while we realize that we could never do as good a job as Charlie has done promoting us, Zero Intelligence is in the process of submitting an RFP for purchasing 5 hours of 18,000 subsecond ad blocks on CNBC, to be interspersed within the Power Lunch segment. We will advise readers on the outcome. Perhaps we can all split the cost as ironically Zero Intelligence has no external (and definitely no taxpayer subsidized) funding, aside from our recurring readers consistently finding interesting content on our pages.

 

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Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:38 | 13352 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

The original poster forgot to mention the link with the Bilderburgs, and the Illuminati running the hosting service.

Otherwise, yeah it's all starting to make sense.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 16:59 | 13301 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Another Great contributor on CNBC http://www.cnbc.com/id/32108021 - Great call!!

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:05 | 13306 gohp
gohp's picture

I thought the reference to 5 hours of 18,000 subsecond ad blocks was too cocky.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:10 | 13314 calgaryschmooze
calgaryschmooze's picture

References to CNBC now trigger retro memories of the following (especially the first 5 seconds):

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvfnqr6qOps

 

I am sure we can accurately map each CNBC personality to a SCTV cast member.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:21 | 13325 Ich bin ein whatever
Ich bin ein whatever's picture

When GE implodes, you can find Charlie Gasparino serving up cheeseburgers at your local McDonalds, working for minimum wage.  He'll be the one asking you if you "want fries with that".

The Caruso-Cabrera (whatever) chick will be be working the window at the drive thru handing everyone their change.

And Steve LIESman and Dennis Kneale will be manning the counter, taking orders.

They really aren't qualified to do much else.

Oh yeah, I forgot, they have Jim Cramer to clean the floors and bathrooms.  I couldn't forget Jim.

Maybe if you're lucky, when you order your lunch, one of this brainless bunch will give you another of their classic stock tips that will lose you money.

Service with a smile.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:21 | 13330 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Did you notice in that clip that Charlies was green -- with envy?

I stopped watching CNBC 4 months ago -- and have traded better ever since!

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:21 | 13331 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

"It's kinda like child abuse though isn't it. HA HA HA HA HA"

Child abuse is HILARIOUS, Chuck.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:53 | 13369 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

The "child abuse" comment reflects something that was said earlier in the thread; that these "reporters" are little more than golden people manicured from childhood to look good and present themselves well in public, but not to have any discernable substance because thinking is incompatible with delivering random, even internally inconsistent, messages. Unless their lines are scripted -- or they are coached closely -- they drop a cog and slip a chain and come unwound in short order. They are part of a huge machine that was build over a hundred years, and that is now grinding itself into splinters.

It must really suck to be like them. It must really suck to be like that in a world that is sloughing off it's fake outer skin like a blinded snake, trying to get it over with so it can see again. It must suck to watch The Deal -- the wonderous machine of lies and manipulations -- coming apart. The Deal got you on TV, got you all your friends, got you chicks and/or studs and $200/plate pasta.

What Deal comes next? They don't know. None of us know. We're just emerging from the dark and wondering what all those blury shapes are that our new eyes are untrained to make sense of. Those shapes are the real world. Where value exists, and exchange of goods, and progress at a human scale and well within the bounds of human comprehension.

Hang tough. Pull. Move forward one step. Repeat.

The cogs and chains and belts will come unwound. The strange machine will have to fail. The golden people haven't the wit to stop it.

cougar

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:24 | 13333 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Just having a little fun, how about this. If Tyler ever decides to appear on one of those shows, have the video feed they get be something like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQxHvBtR7hs with the audio something like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlU1UL4vK7Y maybe a tabletop dispatcher's dynamic mic followed by a guitar compression/distortion stomp box. Is it art? I don't know, but I know what I like.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:33 | 13343 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Is it me or is this starting to parallel the CEO who is blaming short sellers for his companies poor performance?

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:33 | 13345 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

steve liesman should go back to getting owned by rick santelli and joe kernan every morning. at least gasparino isn't a socialist like liesman.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:44 | 13359 dnarby
dnarby's picture

This is actually...   Awesome.

 

Because it cannot be killed, they will push harder and harder against it.

 

And the harder they push against ZH, the stronger it becomes.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:55 | 13370 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

please please just ignore CNBC

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:57 | 13376 No More Bubbles
No More Bubbles's picture

The comical thing about CNBS is they think bloggers are the ones that lack relevance. That is ludicrous......

 

Hey CNBC - YOU ARE THE ONES WHO ARE IRRELEVANT!

I look forward to you going off the air............

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 17:58 | 13381 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

please please just ignore CNBC

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 18:01 | 13384 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Tyler,

I have not read the 100+ comments on this post. Therefore, please accept my apologies if another thread-member has already commented on the following. It strikes me as absolutely not coincidental that on a day when the turd (ahem, markets) are being floated quite nicely, Mr. Gasparino visits the blog-bashing well yet again. This is, in my opinion, a thinly veiled attempt to inversely correlate a blog or blogs that are critical of CNBC with "look how good the markets are doing." By doing this, CNBC (and their puppet masters) hope to discredit ZH and re-establish credibility with individual investors, perhaps even boost viewership as a secondary motive. It is quite laughable. To somebody who is consuming from the CNBC punchbowl like a drunken sailor, my point of view probably sounds paranoid. To them I saw, whatever and be careful when the puppet masters decide to go short to make their money that way.

BoeingSpaceliner797

P.S. When can I get my membership request approved? Thank you in advance.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 18:08 | 13396 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Interesting ports:

PORT STATE SERVICE
[Behave. - Marla]

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 19:38 | 13493 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

If I wasn't behaved you would not be. I am fully restrained, mi amour.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 18:13 | 13410 mil
mil's picture

What's in a name? A name is just a bunch of sounds and syllables. FYI, Tyler is better looking than Charlie. Take it from one who knows....

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 18:22 | 13421 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Apocalypse Now- They are trying to inflate their ratings from you T.D. not the other way around - Check out this article on dealbreaker noting that Dennis Kneale's down to Zero Intelligence - D.K. admitted that he did the blogger bit as a stunt to draw up attention and buzz.

http://dealbreaker.com/2009/07/the-cnbc-stories-that-will-blo.php

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 18:41 | 13443 Printfaster
Printfaster's picture

Anonymity is the only defense against the politics of personal destruction.

Anonymity is the tool our founders used to focus debate on the principles, not the principals.  The anonymity of the Federalist papers is the example of how debate on the key issues of our time should be conducted.  Not with snyde talking heads.

Power to the people through anonymity.

 

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 21:02 | 13545 deadhead
deadhead's picture

I wonder if Michelle CC at CNBC would refer to Publius as moronic bloggers?  (assuming she knew that there were 3 of them).

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 18:59 | 13464 Chumly
Chumly's picture

I'll take the collective intelligence of the top writers and posters here at ZI and pit them against cnbc and the msm's best any time, anywhere, any day.  Thank God for the internet and for the contrarian views here compared to the opposing views that AREN'T fully or fairly presented in the media.  cnbc will go the way of the failing newspapers in a very short time.  Condescending bastards they are...the most disingenuous lot.  

Most of us children would do an intellectual tap dance on those talking (air) heads.

 

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 19:02 | 13466 ghostfaceinvestah
ghostfaceinvestah's picture

Man, there are a lot of comments about CNBC. You people must actually watch that station.

 

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 21:28 | 13566 dark pools of soros
dark pools of soros's picture

time to revoke the anonymous posts - just allows for lazy drivel to static up the joint

Fri, 07/24/2009 - 09:21 | 13893 jym
jym's picture

It's just disappointing to see what CNBC's become. I'm sure the majority of us spent years watching that channel and we just can't anymore.

It had a hint of entertainment TV in it a few years back but that was fine for me if there's substance somewhere else in there. Not the case any more.  

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 19:05 | 13470 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Is Charlie more entertaining when he's drunk or paranoid?

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 20:01 | 13505 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

oh I like him drunk and sweaty he talks the truth with a little wine in him. now that I mention it, I'd like michelle drunk and sweaty too. yea baby if the van is rockin` don't come knockin`.

sue herrera, i gotta pass on old mares out in the pasture so michelle you have one more year to get with me.

http://i30.tinypic.com/11id82d.jpg

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 19:27 | 13486 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Man that was hard to watch>> CG was that a dry run??? Stuttering and fumbling your way through a 1 min segment.......weak

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 21:08 | 13550 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Erin Burnett drunk & sweaty, I'm in.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 21:25 | 13559 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Tyler, did anyone get it? An add saying "zero intelligence" under the takling heads, popping up, flashing, as they speak.....over and over, pur genius!!! Do it!

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 21:25 | 13561 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Tyler, did anyone get it? An add saying "zero intelligence" under the takling heads, popping up, flashing, as they speak.....over and over, pur genius!!! Do it!

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 21:34 | 13569 Gilgamesh
Gilgamesh's picture

Was counting on porn spliced in all those PSAs Immelt is running.  That, and pictures of Jesus during their Porn primetime specials.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 21:26 | 13563 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Tyler, did anyone get it? An add saying "zero intelligence" under the takling heads, popping up, flashing, as they speak.....over and over, pur genius!!! Do it!

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 22:07 | 13598 Shaza (not verified)
Shaza's picture

He is a dumb blond, probably has socks in his underpants and on top of that and  I bet he is a bully who abuses his kids, esp the way he laughed at child abuse....poor thing. Let's hope he gets help soon for the sake of his kids! 

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 22:12 | 13601 Shaza (not verified)
Shaza's picture

TD,

if these morons of the networks did not feel threatened, they would have better things to talk about and would not spare bloggers the time of day!

All I can add to Mr Socks in Jocks is that the poor dear does not have 2 nuerons to rub together, think of all the free PR dished out today! Hopefully people will turn to the blogosphere when the markets are revealed for what they are, a farce.

PS This guy was a bully in school and he is a bully in life, we have all come across them. They are best ignored.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 22:17 | 13604 Shaza (not verified)
Shaza's picture

TD,

one last rant...MR Socks in Jocks...he reads A TELEPROMPTER .

He has not one original thought in his head or he would not work for CNBC.

I would like to see him run a blog, day in and day out. Frankly, I am amazed this Empty Head can even read a teleprompter. 

Let's call his clip ZERO ORIGINALITY  I think that is why they hired him and his neurotic side kick,  was that a woman? I did not catch its name, the shrill laugh made me trun my head in disgust? 

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 23:48 | 13666 pinkboxtrader
pinkboxtrader's picture

It's really too bad. CG seemed like a fun enough douche-castle to kick it with if he was doing a story about 'the business angle of eastern european sex trafficking' but now he's just petty. Sometimes I see Santelli around outside and think maybe I should stop and chat with him but if he turned out to be like CG and Double-C, well, I would just be a little bit sadder.

Thu, 07/23/2009 - 23:28 | 13646 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

Diane Olick lglgolgolg

Fri, 07/24/2009 - 01:05 | 13718 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

"209 Baby!!" I have more respect for a prostitute than this douchebag 'reporter'

After Daily Show tore them a new one, they're back to their old tricks.

It's good to see them get so defensive. I had a good laugh listening to them trying to support one another during the clip. It just goes to show that what appears on ZH and other similiar web spaces are finally catching on. They would not spend this much time attacking ZH unless they were threatened. And, I think what bothers them is that ZH is here to stay and gathering steam everyday.

First the Sh*% newspapers now the bogus 'news' stations like CNBC. They're all going down eventually! Unless they keep them on in airports with the sound turned off. No one should hear these idiots speak!

"209 Baby!!" ...Shut the f*** up b****.

Fri, 07/24/2009 - 01:12 | 13725 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

One by One CNBC "reporters" were marched off for "retraining" beginning with Santelli back in March. Gaspareno was also 'enlightened' by the ‘Love Ministry’ and now a new “Man”.

Fri, 07/24/2009 - 08:55 | 13879 ericwings
ericwings's picture

I'm starting to wonder if Tyler is really Gaspareno. 

Fri, 07/24/2009 - 08:57 | 13881 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

I love it when Santelli bitch slaps Liesman and he looks like he will cry. Probably Benny and Timmy will cut off his man love.

Great work TD.

Fri, 07/24/2009 - 12:00 | 14025 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

Well, it ain't CNBC TV but GEeee it is an appendage -  and they said it was intelligent.

 

http://www.cnbc.com/id/32124959

"

It is intelligent mockery for the most part, although there's a kind of mean and inexplicable shot at Sarah Jessica Parker. Some of the headlines .... Fed Accounting Tricks: How to Hide Trillions in Losses ... and Byron the Buzzard ... what a hoot!"

 

 

Fri, 07/24/2009 - 16:03 | 14409 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

If they viewed TD as a serious threat, they would already know his real identity and his background. NBC has its own team of investigators. They tried to destroy Joe the Plumber and who knows who else? Heaven knows how abused that dept is.

Fri, 07/24/2009 - 16:44 | 14470 Ben_the_Bald
Ben_the_Bald's picture

What makes you think that CG doesn't know who some of the principals here are? You'd be surprised.  Really, there are no secrets. CG is just messing up with their brains.

And by the way, practically no one in the media thinks about "bloggers" as serious threats. The journalists may have some resentments about what "bloggers" can get away with, but that's about it. And the folks from the business side have not made up their minds yet.

Fri, 07/24/2009 - 17:04 | 14505 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

I agree. NBC likes to create drama and take the semblance of the moral high road while secretly being scuzzy. NBC probably knows identities, backgrounds, personal dirt, etc. it is just more fun to create drama and massage anchor egos with self-visions of grand journalism versus amateur.

Sun, 07/26/2009 - 02:41 | 15403 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

"Furthermore, Zero Intelligence is not an investment advisor, nor does it promote any securities. If we did, we would disclose it."

Sun, 07/26/2009 - 12:03 | 15506 Anonymous
Anonymous's picture

"Furthermore, Zero Intelligence is not an investment advisor, nor does it promote any securities. If we did, we would disclose it."

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